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00:00Number 32, red.
00:26What's your, dear boy?
00:27All right, chick?
00:28No, Dave.
00:30Yeah, he's on his way down later.
00:31He's bringing that bird of his.
00:33What's her name, Cassandra?
00:34He's getting a bit serious, isn't he?
00:36No, girls always blow him out after a couple of weeks.
00:38That boy's been blown out more times than a windsock.
00:43Trey, don't look now,
00:44but you see the bloke at the bar with a bow tie?
00:47I said don't look now.
00:48Who, Arnie?
00:49Yeah, Arnie.
00:50Do you know much about him?
00:51No, not a lot.
00:52He only moved to the area a few weeks ago.
00:55He seems a nice bloke, though.
00:57He's a retired jewellery dealer, isn't he?
00:59Yeah, that's what you told me.
01:00He's retired early, though, isn't he?
01:02Perhaps he made enough, Del.
01:03What?
01:04You lining something up, then?
01:05Well, no, that's not the only truth.
01:07It's just that I've been, you know, having a few drinks and chats with him over the last
01:11couple of weeks.
01:12And he lets slip that even though he's retired, he still likes to do a bit of private business,
01:16you know, cash and confidentiality.
01:19Just enough to keep the old tax man at bay.
01:21So I thought I might give him a shove, you know, see what I can pick up.
01:25I heard your firm was broke.
01:27You know me, Trigg, I'm a businessman.
01:29I've always got a little bit pugged away for emergencies.
01:32Anyway, who told you that we was broke?
01:34Dave.
01:34Ah, you don't want to take any notice of him.
01:36He's only my financial advisor.
01:37What does he know?
01:39God, look at these cards, Trigg.
01:41I'm never going to get anywhere at this rate.
01:44Try these.
01:45Trigg, you can't do...
01:46Yeah, pay me.
01:53Oh, here you go.
01:55How's it going?
01:56Oh, hello, Arnie.
01:57Didn't spot you down.
01:59I've only been in about five minutes.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Where's that time spent all that doorman?
02:04Motto, whatever his name is.
02:05Yeah?
02:06What's up with him then?
02:07Oh, nothing.
02:08It's just, you know, I'm not a member, so I usually drop in a few quid to get in.
02:12And tonight the price has suddenly gone up 30%.
02:14Still, plenty of money, isn't that?
02:16Yeah.
02:17Hey, well, listen, if you get yourself a membership form, I'll second you if you like.
02:20Are you really?
02:21Yeah.
02:21That's very nice of you, Dale.
02:22That's all right.
02:23I can't stand that if I were you.
02:25They're paying 19s, you're laughing.
02:27No, that's not my style, Arnie.
02:28Not my style.
02:29He who dares wins.
02:34Fancy a drink?
02:38Evening, hello.
02:39Evening, Mr Grayson.
02:40How's business?
02:41Well, I've just gone into voluntary liquidation.
02:44Again.
02:44Oh, congratulations, sir.
02:47Thank you, Arnie.
02:48Good luck tonight, Mr Grayson.
02:55Evening, Otto.
02:59Cassandra, I'm just going to have a word with the doorman.
03:01Is there a problem, Otto?
03:04Members only.
03:06Oh, I am a member.
03:07Where's your membership card?
03:09Um, well, I appear to have left it at home.
03:13If you give me 20 quid, I'll let you in free.
03:16Come on, I'm a member.
03:19I've been a member for about five years or so.
03:21I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to leave, sir.
03:24Where would you like to land?
03:26Come on.
03:27What's the...
03:28Oh, it's all right.
03:28I'll tell you.
03:29He's Del Boy's brother.
03:30Is that right?
03:31Yeah, honest.
03:32Oh.
03:34All right, then.
03:34In that case, have a nice evening, sir.
03:36He's a laugh, old Otto.
03:48So the gravedigger says to the vicar,
03:51well, I've got to have somewhere to park me by.
03:55That'd be horrible.
03:56I'll see you in a minute, Arnie.
04:02Hello, hello, hello, hello.
04:04Oh, Cassandra, this is my brother Derek.
04:06And Del, this is Cassandra.
04:08Hello, Cassandra.
04:08Very pleased to meet you.
04:10Rodney has told me all about you.
04:12Don't worry, I'll try not to shout it all about.
04:15That's very kind of you, Derek.
04:17Rodney's told me all about you as well.
04:18Oh.
04:19Although I must admit, I didn't believe him until now.
04:26I like her.
04:27I like her.
04:27Yeah.
04:28Yeah, well, shall we sit down, Cass?
04:30Yeah.
04:30Go get you a drink, sweetheart.
04:31Just a Coke and ice, please.
04:32I'm driving.
04:33Right, OK.
04:33Rodney, you?
04:34Non-alcoholic like at all.
04:36Oh, eh, eh, eh.
04:47So, what line of work are you in, Cassandra?
04:49I work for a bank.
04:50Oh, really?
04:51Tell me, do they do loans?
04:54Why don't you leave Cassandra alone?
04:56No, no, that's all right.
04:57I'm only being polite.
04:58They do arrange loans, according to status, of course.
05:01That's you out then, don't it?
05:04I don't actually work on that side of things.
05:06I'm in overseas investment.
05:08Bill does a bit of that.
05:10Albanian watches, Turkish raincoats, that sort of thing.
05:13Would you like me to go and tell Otto what you called him just now?
05:17Oh, Rodney tells me your dad's in business.
05:20Yes, he's got his own printing workshop.
05:22Oh, yeah?
05:23I thought it was actually family business, passed on, sort of.
05:25No, there was no silver spoon involved.
05:27He used to live on a council estate around this area.
05:30Oh, really?
05:31Well, perhaps I know him.
05:32Oh, God.
05:33Oh, no, no, what's his name?
05:35Parry.
05:35Alan Parry.
05:36Parry.
05:36Alan Parry.
05:38Yes, a little fella.
05:39One brown eye, one blue eye, talks with a squint, walks with a stutter.
05:43That's it.
05:45Listen, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds.
05:49And just remember, Cassandra, Rodney tells me everything.
05:53Thanks for the warning.
05:58I'm sorry about Inkes.
06:00Why are you apologising?
06:01I think he's lovely.
06:03Bill?
06:05Yeah.
06:06He makes me laugh.
06:09Well, yeah, he's all right, I suppose.
06:12At times.
06:15Well, I'd better make a move.
06:17I've got to be up early for work in the morning.
06:20I'll be glad when I'm retired like you, Arnie.
06:22Yeah, you can't beat it, Trigger.
06:24Drag yourself out of bed about 11 o'clock,
06:26just in time to relax for the rest of the day.
06:28You retired a bit early, though, didn't you, Arnie?
06:30I thought you jewellery dealers were making so much bunt, you carried on till you dropped.
06:35Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
06:36Really?
06:38Peeled over on the floor one day.
06:39Took her trouble.
06:40What a stress of business.
06:42Doctors gave me six months to live.
06:43Oh, yeah.
06:47Oh, yeah, well.
06:48Yeah, well, you don't want to take too much notice of these doctors, Arnie.
06:52They'll say anything to get rid of you.
06:53It's private.
06:54Now, you take that Georgie Collis.
06:56I mean, they only gave him six months to live.
06:58He was gutted, weren't he, Trigger?
06:59Well upset.
07:00Yeah, then they discovered, of course,
07:01and then he mixed up his records with another bloke's.
07:04Yeah, but the other bloke only had three months to live.
07:09Yeah.
07:10Yeah, I know that trick's not the point, though, is it?
07:12I was just trying to say to Arnie that these doctors can make mistakes.
07:15No, no, look, you don't understand.
07:16The doctor said I didn't have long to go unless I changed my lifestyle.
07:20That's exactly what I did.
07:22Gave up all the boozing and fags.
07:23Started doing little things I hadn't done for years.
07:27Walking, breathing some decent air.
07:29Hey, have you any idea of the kind of damage that alcohol and nicotine does to your heart?
07:38Something you're going to do?
07:40Oh, thanks, brother.
07:40I'll just have a mineral water.
07:43Only?
07:44Mineral water for me too, son.
07:45Yeah, nothing for me, Dave.
07:46I'm off.
07:48I'll see you around then.
07:49Yeah, see you, Trigger.
07:50Yeah, but the most important thing I ever did, Derry,
07:52the thing that changed my life was getting out of the business,
07:55getting away from all that stress.
07:57I mean, you might not believe this.
07:58I used to be taught.
08:01Really?
08:01What were you learning then?
08:05Tide, nervous tension.
08:06Oh, taught.
08:07You mean, oh, like, yeah, old house.
08:09I've got away from all that now.
08:10I've got my little house.
08:11I've got my wife, Pat, lovely, caring woman.
08:14I've got my boys, Gary and Larkin.
08:18What more could a man ask of?
08:20And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
08:26Cheers, bro.
08:28You still do a bit, though, don't you?
08:33Well, occasionally, with the right sort of person.
08:36Basically, I'm just getting rid of stuff I had left with.
08:39All right.
08:39Well, just don't forget, you know, I am a trader.
08:42Interested in jewellery?
08:44I'm interested in anything, Arnie.
08:45And you don't mind if it's arrived on the market via an unorthodox rule?
08:50Well, of course not.
08:51I do understand that some things have a tendency to, you know, float out of factory windows.
08:55I mean, it's just mother nature, aren't I?
08:58Are you in a hurry?
08:59I've got all the time in the world, Arnie.
09:01Will you meet me in the back of the car park in an hour's time?
09:04Yeah, of course you do.
09:07I'll be long.
09:07Lovely jubbly.
09:18Well, good night, Del.
09:20Lovely meeting you.
09:21And you too, sweetheart.
09:22But don't forget, I won't say a word.
09:25I'll see you in a little while.
09:28Wait, Rodney, where do you think you're going?
09:31Cassandra's giving me a lift home.
09:33Ah, it's all right.
09:33Don't bother yourself, sweetheart.
09:34We've got the van here.
09:39Excuse me one moment while I go and kill him.
09:47What do you think you're playing at, Derek?
09:48I told you I got a bit of a deal going down here in a little while.
09:52Yeah, and I told you I don't want nothing to do with it.
09:54I know you did.
09:56But I've got to meet that Arnie in the back of the car park there where it's nice and dark.
09:59Now, I've only just recently met the geezer, so I don't know what I'm walking into.
10:03So I would appreciate a bit of a backup, all right?
10:05Yeah, but I wanted to say goodnight to Cassandra.
10:10Go on, then.
10:11Say goodnight.
10:12Do you get back here a bit lively?
10:14No, I meant...
10:17Oh, bloody hell.
10:22Oh, give me a couple of minutes.
10:23What's happening?
10:33I'm going to have to drive Del home.
10:34He's drunk.
10:35Drunk?
10:36He doesn't look drunk.
10:38No, no.
10:39That's a bad sign with him.
10:42He hides it well, you see.
10:44But I tell you, you could push him over with just one little finger.
10:47He fell flat on his face.
10:50It's a problem of his I've had to live with since I was a little kid.
10:54How sad.
10:55Yeah, I know.
10:56It's tragic.
10:59Still, never mind, eh?
11:01LAUGHTER
11:01LAUGHTER
11:02LAUGHTER
11:04LAUGHTER
11:06LAUGHTER
11:08LAUGHTER
11:10LAUGHTER
11:12LAUGHTER
11:14LAUGHTER
11:16Blimey, let the poor girl up for air, probably.
11:20LAUGHTER
11:21LAUGHTER
11:22LAUGHTER
11:23It's all right.
11:24Sorry.
11:26Do you fancy coming out for a meal on Thursday?
11:28I thought I told you I'm on a week's training course.
11:31Yeah, well, you must be able to get a few hours off.
11:33Oh, yes.
11:34And if you fancy flying over to Guernsey, I'd love to have dinner with you.
11:37Guernsey?
11:38You've got to go all the way over to Guernsey.
11:40Yes.
11:41I did ask Guernsey if it would like to come to me, but it refused point blank.
11:44LAUGHTER
11:44I've heard about these company training courses.
11:47They're just an excuse for loads of people to have an orgy.
11:49Really?
11:50LAUGHTER
11:51Please be serious for one moment, Cassandra.
11:54Look, Rodney, if what you've heard is true
11:56and all these perfectly staid and boring people
11:59suddenly hurl themselves into a pit of carnal abandon,
12:02it doesn't mean I have to join in, does it?
12:04No, I suppose not.
12:06No, suppose about it.
12:10No, I'm sorry, you're right.
12:12Of course I'm right.
12:14I mean, I'll take my whip, just in case.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:17I'll phone you.
12:19I'll phone you as well.
12:21Better make sure we don't phone at the same time,
12:23otherwise we'll both be engaged.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27I love you.
12:32Do you?
12:36And I...
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38LAUGHTER
12:39LAUGHTER
12:41LAUGHTER
12:42LAUGHTER
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45I don't know what I need to hear.
12:48LAUGHTER
12:49LAUGHTER
12:50You won't have a nice time, will you?
12:54I'll try not to.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55Here.
13:15What were you doing with that girl?
13:18I was saying goodnight.
13:19Saying goodnight?
13:20She had her head in your mouth at one point.
13:22LAUGHTER
13:23I mean, who was watching?
13:25Well, I couldn't do anything else.
13:26Last time I saw anything like that, was in a circus.
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29You saucy...
13:31LAUGHTER
13:32What's up?
13:33I've got a tickle in me throat.
13:35It's probably got her wig stuck in it.
13:37LAUGHTER
13:38LAUGHTER
13:39All right?
13:41LAUGHTER
13:42Hop in the back.
13:45Go on, get in the back, Rodney.
13:46Hmm?
13:46Go on, you get in the back.
13:47LAUGHTER
13:47Sorry I'm a bit late.
13:59It's all right, Arnie.
13:59No problem.
14:03Open that.
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10Shit.
14:11What do you do?
14:13Mag Mr. T?
14:14There's 250 chains there.
14:1818-karat gold.
14:20Now, if you used to go to some poncy Bond Street shop,
14:23you know, there's plenty of mark-up.
14:26They've won 200 quid for each of those.
14:28It's £50,000 sitting there.
14:32£50,000?
14:33Great.
14:34Here, wait a minute.
14:36This ain't a result of some raid, is it?
14:38No, no, nothing like that.
14:41No, no, look, six months ago, a client of mine asked me
14:43if I could get hold of these sort of things for him
14:45for the right price.
14:47Do you know Maxi Stavros?
14:50No, I don't.
14:51Oh, you're lucky.
14:52Well, he's a nice enough guy.
14:53So, it comes to money.
14:54Anyway, we agreed on a price,
14:56and he was going to pay me £25,000.
14:59You know, he's got all these contacts in the States, you see.
15:02This sort of thing sells really well over there.
15:04It's the English hallmarks.
15:06Yanks love all that.
15:07Anyway, I acquired the goods.
15:09I haven't heard from him since.
15:12You could sue him for breaking your contract.
15:16You listen to it, will you?
15:19Oh, son, there's no contract between friends.
15:22It's a man's word, handshake, gentleman's agreement.
15:25Anyway, Mr Stavros is not the sort of man you'd want to sue.
15:29Anyway, he's never let me down before,
15:30so I suppose he's got troubles.
15:32But then so have I.
15:33I can't wait any longer.
15:35I'm going to have to let these go at half the wholesale price.
15:38That's 50 quid each.
15:41Yeah, well, I mean, what's the catch?
15:44I mean, you said they came via an unorthodox rule.
15:48Yeah, didn't pay the VAT.
15:49I mean, I assumed that they were for retail outside the European community
15:57and therefore would not be liable to VAT.
16:01I lumbered with them.
16:03So what do you reckon?
16:05You still interested?
16:06Yeah, yeah, I'm interested, yeah.
16:09Oh, yeah, I'll take two.
16:11Two?
16:12Oh, all right.
16:15Oh, three.
16:18I'm not running a corner shop, Dal.
16:21I'm a dealer, buying and selling jewellery in bulk.
16:25Ain't a whole lot or none at all.
16:27Yeah, no, it's...
16:29No, no, I know that.
16:30No, it's just that...
16:31I mean, I'll take two or three of samples to show my clients.
16:36Yeah, 12 and a half grand in cash and they're all yours.
16:40Yeah, well, I don't think I've got that sort of money on me at the moment, Arnie.
16:47Yeah, I can wait.
16:49Look, you sell those around the pubs and the clubs.
16:51The worst you do is double your money.
16:55I'll take them.
16:5612 and a half thousand!
16:59Subject to a surveyor's report, of course.
17:01Oh, of course.
17:04Yeah.
17:05OK, then, listen, do you know the nags out of Peckham?
17:08No, I'll find it.
17:09Right, well, I'll see you there tomorrow at one o'clock.
17:11OK.
17:13And look after and form you, won't you?
17:21You kicked me?
17:29Yes, that's because you've got a big mouth, Rodney.
17:31You nearly gave Arnie the impression that we were small time.
17:35If I can just pull this off, Rodney, I will double my investment.
17:38Yeah, where are you going to get 12 and a half thousand pounds?
17:42Well, there's Boise, he's got a lot of money, likes a gamble.
17:46Mike, down in the exit, he knows a bargain when he sees one.
17:48Yeah, I put together a little consortium.
17:51What, you mean just hand the whole deal over to them?
17:53No, no, no, no, I've got some money to put in.
17:55Oh, dear, don't you remember what I told you the other day?
17:58Our partnership is virtually broke.
18:00No, Rodney, our partnership is potless.
18:03What I mean is I've got some money to put in.
18:05You've...
18:06How much?
18:09Oh, no, it's not a lot, no, it's just, you know, what, um, four grand.
18:14Four thousand pounds?
18:16That's more nasty.
18:17That's more like a bleeding ostrich eggs.
18:19Where'd you get that from?
18:21No, it's just been money I've been saving up over the years.
18:23A little bit here, a little bit there, you know, it soon builds up.
18:26You conning git.
18:28No, no, you could have done the same thing.
18:30Don't talk to me.
18:31No, you could have done...
18:32Oh, you could.
18:33Mum said to me on her deathbed, she said,
18:34No, she did, she said, you make sure that...
18:37You're back early, I thought you'd still be at the airport.
18:46No, the plane got off on time.
18:47Where's Del?
18:48Well, him and Arnie and, uh, the rest of the consortium
18:51have gone down to do it and let's have them chains examined.
18:54The rest of the consortium?
18:56How many's in it?
18:57Well, there's Del, there's Trigger, there's Mike, there's that fella Boisey and there's me.
19:01Of course, there could be more by now.
19:03What's he playing at?
19:04He's gone a bit public, hasn't he?
19:06I've just been down to post office and got my savings out.
19:10Pity you weren't interested, Rodney.
19:12You could have made yourself a nice few, Bob.
19:14Well, yeah, I suppose I could have.
19:16Ah, but the thing is, you see, them chains are part of a VAT rip-off, haven't they?
19:20I know, that's why they're so cheap.
19:22Here, do you want a tea, Sam?
19:24No, I don't want nothing.
19:26What's wrong?
19:27Nothing, everything's fine.
19:29Look, you've got her hotel number, give her a call.
19:32No way.
19:33She was supposed to phone me at 12.30 and look.
19:37Nah, she's probably having a drink and a laugh
19:39with all them yuppie salts from the bank.
19:42She might be in bed, Rodney.
19:44Eh?
19:46I mean, sleeping up the jet lag.
19:48The jet lag?
19:49She's only gone to Guernsey.
19:52So, what did you all say?
19:55They're pucker, hunk.
19:56They are the real McCoy.
19:59Solid gold.
20:0018 carats.
20:02Top-class workmanship, just like Arnie said.
20:04Oh, we'll double our money on these, have no fear.
20:07Very shrewd move of yours, Rodney, you know,
20:09not to get involved in this deal.
20:11Shut up, sir.
20:13Here they come.
20:14Come on, lads, come on.
20:14Come on.
20:15Come in, that's it.
20:16Let's have a little celebration drink, shall we?
20:18Well, I think we should discuss the matter in private
20:21before we celebrate.
20:22I don't like being premature.
20:24No, Marlene said something about that the other day.
20:28That's right, that's right.
20:30I hope you don't mind, Arnie,
20:34but I and the consortium would like to have a little board meeting.
20:37No, no, of course not, no.
20:38Well, perhaps you'd like to wait in reception.
20:42Right, get in the kitchen here, Arnie, you know.
20:44Have some tea, help yourself.
20:45There's plenty of egg mayonnaise and tomatoes in the fridge.
20:47No, that's okay.
20:48Thanks very much.
20:48I think I would prefer it if the gold stayed in the room with us.
20:53That's all right, Mr. Boyce.
20:54I'd like to keep an eye on it as well.
20:56So, um, if I leave it here,
21:00then we can both see it, all right?
21:02Perfect.
21:04Thanks very much, Arnie.
21:05Thanks a lot.
21:07What is the matter with you?
21:09You're giving Arnie the impression
21:10they don't trust him or something.
21:11And he wouldn't be far wrong, would he?
21:13I don't even know the man.
21:14Well, he seems a decent enough fellow to me, Boycey.
21:17That's right, that's right.
21:18He's a solid bloke, right?
21:19I can vouch for him.
21:20Well, he's played it straight down the line with us.
21:22He said those chains were worth 25k
21:24and we've just had it confirmed by an independent jeweller.
21:27So what more do you want?
21:28I want to know
21:29how he can afford to sell them
21:31at 50% less than their wholesale price.
21:33Because he bought them a long time ago
21:35when the price of gold was down.
21:37Plus, he didn't bother to tell those very nice people
21:40down at the VAT office.
21:44All right.
21:45Here is my seven grand.
21:49Good.
21:50Good.
21:50Well done, Boycey.
21:51Good boy.
21:51Good boy.
21:52Come on in, Michael.
21:52Let's see you.
21:53A thousand.
21:54That's it.
21:54Good.
21:54Come on.
21:55I've been a bit strapped recently, Del.
21:57I could only get 274 pounds.
22:02My Aunt Reen had to pawn her necklace for that.
22:05Yeah, it's all right, Trig.
22:05Don't worry.
22:06Don't worry, mate.
22:06We'll double your money for you.
22:08Come on, Albert.
22:08Did you go down to the post office?
22:09I didn't get as much as I thought, son.
22:11I only got 189 pounds, 26 new P.
22:14Oh, God.
22:15I thought you said that you had over 200 quid odds.
22:17I know.
22:18I miscalculated the interest.
22:20That means we are 36 pounds and 24 pence short of the target.
22:24Not anymore, you're not.
22:28You can count me in.
22:31Oh, thank God for the great Gatsby here.
22:34Right, Arnie, Arnie, come on.
22:37The board meeting's over.
22:38And have you reached an executive decision?
22:40Yes, yes, we have, we have.
22:42It's the deal.
22:43The deal is on.
22:43It's on.
22:44It's on.
22:44A relief.
22:45I can't stand any more of that tea.
22:49Yes.
22:49This gentleman is yours.
22:54And here is the old do-re-me.
22:57Oh, look at that.
22:59Isn't that sweet?
23:01Reminds me of holidays in County Donegal.
23:03Oh, is that a paddy ten pence piece?
23:05I'll change that for you.
23:06Don't worry.
23:07I won't bother counting.
23:09I trust you.
23:10That's right.
23:11Good.
23:11Well, we've all got to learn to trust each other, Arnie.
23:15Don't worry about boys.
23:16He's just got his funny little ways.
23:18You ask his missus.
23:20Oh, that reminds me.
23:22Do you mind if I phoned the wife?
23:23Yeah, sure.
23:24No problem, no problem.
23:25Here, I'll get the phone for you.
23:27Here.
23:27What about that drink then, chab?
23:29Celebration drink?
23:29Ain't yours stay for one, won't you, Arnie?
23:30Yeah, a quick one, Dale.
23:31Mineral water, something like that.
23:33Okay, good boys.
23:34Oh, Rodney, whip out there into the fridge in the kitchen with you.
23:37Get the beers.
23:38Well, soon as there's a special occasion, I think I'll have a little drop of that port.
23:42Yeah, same here, Dale.
23:43I'll hang on for a beer.
23:44Pat?
23:45Yeah, it's me, love, yeah.
23:46See?
23:46No, I don't know what time I'll be back.
23:48Soon as I can drag myself away from this bunch of toe rags.
23:53Don't wait up for him, Pat.
23:54He's probably on a ghost up.
23:55Yeah, she'll think I'm back on the booze.
23:58Yeah, there you go.
23:59So how's things at home, love?
24:00Cheers, Dale.
24:01Cheers.
24:01What?
24:04No, I can't meet him, no.
24:06Hang on.
24:09No, love.
24:09No, I haven't got them anymore.
24:12Pat, I would not joke about a thing as serious as this.
24:14I've just this minute sold them to Dale and his consortium.
24:18But I don't care how much money he's got.
24:21I'm not getting excited.
24:24All right.
24:25Look, I will meet him.
24:26And I will explain the situation.
24:28All right?
24:28All right.
24:28I'll call you.
24:31Everything all right, Arnie?
24:34You know that client of mine I told you about?
24:37Yeah, what, that Mr Stabbross, what have you?
24:40Yeah, he's in London.
24:41He wants to meet me.
24:42For lunch.
24:44What?
24:44You mean he's come to pick up the chains?
24:46Yes, ironic, isn't it?
24:47He's got 25 grand in cash to give me
24:51and I've just let him go for 12 and a half.
24:53What's all this about, then?
24:54Well, about six months ago,
24:56Arnie made a deal on these chains
24:58with some international jeweler mush.
25:00So they weren't yours to sell in the first place?
25:02No, no, they belong to me, no.
25:04Mr Stabbross never actually gave me any money for them.
25:07But he's an odd sort of person.
25:10Once you've shaken on the deal,
25:11as far as he's concerned, there is property
25:13and now he's come to collect.
25:15You just give it to bouts of mindless violence
25:17isn't he?
25:17Very, very nasty.
25:19He wants a war, we'll give him one, won't we?
25:22Eh?
25:25I don't like the sound of that.
25:26Oh, don't worry, Albert.
25:27There won't be many naval engagements in this one.
25:30Well, look, why don't we just sell the chains back to Arnie?
25:33We have a small profit, of course.
25:35Are you off your trolley?
25:37Well, we'll still be making a bit each, boys.
25:39Well, we could double our money on these things.
25:42Yeah, but Stabbross is going to give Arnie a bad time, isn't he?
25:45Well, I don't care if he redecorates Regent Street with Arnie.
25:49This is business.
25:50No, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament,
25:53but at the end of the day, it's a bit like Mike's pub grub.
25:56Tough.
25:56I don't believe you sometimes.
25:59I just don't believe you.
26:00You call yourself a businessman.
26:02You're missing the most important point of the whole situation.
26:05There is a man in London who wants to buy 250 18-karat gold chains from Arnie here.
26:10He is willing to pay £25,000 with cash on the hip.
26:15But Arnie doesn't have them anymore.
26:17We do.
26:21So what are you saying, Del?
26:22Yes.
26:25Blimey, give me a piece of chalk, somebody, will you?
26:28What I'm trying to say is,
26:29why don't we ask Arnie to keep his luncheon appointment with this man
26:32and sell them chains for us,
26:34for which we will give Arnie, what, a two grand for his trouble?
26:38That way Stabbross gets the goods at the agreed price.
26:42Arnie gets a deuce in bunts,
26:44plus he keeps his kneecaps where nature intended.
26:46And Arnie Saltium gets ten and a half grand profit for doing sod all.
26:51Everyone's a winner.
26:52Après moi, love de luge.
26:56Well, I like the sound of that, Del.
26:58All right.
26:58Yes, that's not a bad idea, Del.
27:00Right, now then.
27:02OK, then.
27:03Now then, Arnie, where is this restaurant of yours?
27:06This is a little place off the King's Road,
27:08so I'd better get my skates on.
27:10I think it would be a good idea if we came with you, don't you, Arnie?
27:15Yeah, he's right and all, Arnie.
27:16I mean, you don't want to be walking across the estate with a case full of gold, do you?
27:19Not on your own, anyway.
27:20Fair enough.
27:21Well, let's get going.
27:22We haven't got long.
27:23Fitzrig, don't let him out of our sight.
27:25Go on, go on.
27:26Oi, come on, Albert.
27:27Get that down here.
27:27Get in the van.
27:28Come on.
27:28Let's go.
27:33Oh, come on, Cassandra.
27:35Ring.
27:39Right, fine in you, if that's what you think.
27:43I'm a man.
27:44May I help you, sir?
27:53I'm expecting to be Mr Stavros here.
27:56I don't know if he's booked.
27:57Mr Stavros?
27:58Yes, he has booked the table.
27:59I'm afraid the gentleman has not arrived yet.
28:01Would you tell the wait at the table?
28:02Yes, sir.
28:03Pop off the only bit of senior, please.
28:10Yes, gentlemen.
28:12Table for two, please.
28:13Do you have your book?
28:13No, we haven't.
28:15I'm afraid we are very crowded at the moment.
28:17This might make a bit of room.
28:19Of course.
28:20Grazie.
28:21Enrico, numero due per i signori.
28:24Grazie.
28:25It's all right.
28:30Cheers.
28:43Why didn't you sit that side?
28:58Because I wouldn't be able to see Arnie, then.
29:01Why?
29:01What's the matter?
29:03It's like we're both sitting on the same side.
29:07It's all next to each other.
29:09So it might look a bit funny.
29:14What do you mean?
29:16People might think that we're a bit funny.
29:21Why don't you go and sit on the other side, then?
29:24I'm just going to keep me on Arnie, then I.
29:25So do I.
29:26Yes, I know, but it's my consortium.
29:28I put most of the money in.
29:29But it was my idea.
29:29Yeah.
29:29Nice to see you again, sir.
29:36Nice to see you.
29:37Nice to see you.
29:38Nice to see you.
29:38so get your hand off morning people will think back up and wooft us or something
29:53i can't think what they like i've got seven grand sitting up there that's all i'm concerned with
29:58you reckon it'll turn by or anything now i don't care if it does
30:04huh no this is a fast car what's he doing what do you mean what's he doing you can see what he's doing
30:17he's sitting in a window there reading a menu it's a bit suspicious isn't it what a bloke sitting in a
30:25restaurant reading a menu yeah very heavy could you get me a glass of water please i feel rather hot
30:31would you care to order now yes i'd like an ambulance
30:48yes an ambulance i'm not very well yes sir
30:54are you all right sir what's happened it's horny he's had a connery well what are we gonna do
31:13i don't know i think you have to pump their chests or something i'm talking about our bloody money
31:17and chains we can do now is there my money and my gold ain't going to no national health hospital
31:23the entire kitchen staff will be off to miami if he does watch
31:28don't panic i am a doctor
31:34stand aside stand aside let the dog see the rabbit
31:39oh yes very nasty he needs an operation he's not a doctor he's mugging the poor man
31:50call the police yes yes madam i call the police
32:03all right there'll be no need i am an officer of the law
32:11i'm a small town policeman
32:14do you get the impression all he's not going according to plan
32:24okay sunshine you are nick
32:30come on out you go rest assured madam when we get him down the police station we'll give him a bloody
32:35good hiding
32:36come on you
32:38you mean he's dead no no he's still alive the ambulance got here just in time
32:53so where's the money and the gold where do you think it is it's in arnie's hold on why'd you make us leave the restaurant
33:02because they've just called the old bill arnie's got seven and a half grand of your
33:06unlaundered money plus a case full of gold from a vat fraud do you want to tell the police that it's
33:12really yours why didn't you try and get the case off his wrist blind old riley you tried that didn't you
33:17and you got a punch in the nose and a whack over your head for your trouble
33:20what do you think i'm a wally or something so where are we gonna get it back
33:23it's all right we'll go to the hospital all we've got to do is find out what time the visiting hours are
33:28it'll be cushy
33:29but we don't know which hospital they're taking him to
33:35we'll follow them mike your car's pretty nippy you do the following right
33:40i don't believe it i've been cramped
33:46rodney follow that ambulance
33:53right i'm gonna make a couple of phone calls now leave that phone alone michael no one touches it
34:16i've just been clamped i'm gonna phone the authority sort it all out look i'm expecting a very important
34:22phone call any minute now from rodney or arnie or the hospital you just sort your car out tomorrow
34:28for a broken nose baseball bat knuckle duster
34:35my nose might be broken will you shut up going on about your router or i ran this up it for a splint
34:41rodney
34:43rodney good boy what's happened we followed the ambulance down to st stephen's hospital
34:48st stephen's hospital right now we know where to visit
34:50no that's where we lost them you lost them
34:54it just went straight down to fullham road
34:57oh
34:59i mean how could you possibly lose an ambulance it's a ruddy great big white thing with a flashing blue light on the top
35:05and in case your peepers ain't too clever it makes a sound like an air raid siren
35:10also go straight through red lights
35:12well what we're gonna do now all our money and our gold is laying in some matron's office
35:16it's all right boys i don't worry listen we'll we'll phone every hospital and ask if he's there
35:20no no no hospitals won't give you that sort of information over the phone
35:23all right well we'll drive round them all then
35:26well that's gonna take forever there must be 25 hospitals in london
35:29oh thank god for the tory party otherwise it could have been 30
35:32how about answer that if that is rodney's girlfriend tell her to phone back later
35:38look it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as we find him does it
35:41gel he's some indian doctor from arnie's ward
35:44well tell me i haven't got time to talk to him now i'm trying to find out
35:46hello hello hello doctor
35:51yes this is he arnie yes yes arnold yes oh yes i knew the deceased very well
36:02we deceased do you mean to say that he is dead
36:07oh i love him i just love him yes he has it's come as a very nasty shock yeah
36:13what about our loot um doctor yes i wondered um
36:18arnie had about his purse and a couple of little keepsakes of mine and wondered if you had found them
36:25what it's 250 18 karat gold chains and 12 and a half grand in used notes
36:31he's what his widow has taken all his belongings
36:35oh i just wondered if you could give me her address
36:39no no i am a personal friend of theirs now it's just that they moved recently you see and i wanted to make sure
36:46she got hold of me about the funeral arrangements yes i know i know you're not supposed to give out
36:52addresses to any tom dick or harry but this is different doctor look i'll give you a good drink
36:57no don't hang up he's hung up
37:03did he give you her address no he said he couldn't it's confidential well how are we going to find her
37:08then i don't know yet oh i could go down to the town hall and find his name on the electoral register
37:15well done rodders good thinking no he only moved here recently from lambeth he wouldn't be on the list
37:19yet you dipstick well all right i'll go down to lambeth town oldie good idea roddy go on go to lambeth
37:27right arnold what hey what's his surname i've done i never caught his surname
37:33well does it matter well of course it matters they ain't gonna be down in the electoral register as
37:39arnie and pat are they this is something else here the 111 club they'll have his full name and address
37:46on his membership form yes no no no he wasn't a member i've got an idea the phone oh my god he's
37:55hearing things now oh and he was the last one to dial out on his phone he called his wife at their
38:02house remember so what this phone's got a redial button if you press that you get straight through
38:09to arnie's house
38:21right how are we going to explain it to her eh it looks a bit bad turning up just before the funeral
38:25laying claim to most of his estate no it's all right arnie told her that he'd sold the change
38:30to dells that'll be no problem hello hello hello i'm awfully sorry to bother you in your hour of
38:39darkness yes but uh i was a friend of arnie's and i was just wondering sorry oh oh sorry sorry big
38:49upon sorry to have bothered you huh bye strange innit i've just got through to the high cliff a ruddy hotel
38:58guernsey
39:02i'm sorry dell look i only caught to see whether cassandra got there safely innit and that's it
39:07innit we've done our money and it's vanished into thin air oh now boy scene boy scene i am going to
39:14see if i can buy myself a little doll that looks something like you and then i'm going to burn it
39:22boysy keep your chin up boysy just keep your chin up hey i i'm gonna get my cart unclamped down
39:28thanks for everything no michael michael you know don't give up michael you've given up please don't
39:33give up remember what churchill said you know he said up the alamo
39:43i'm sorry trig that your aunt reen had to pawn her necklace
39:47shall i give her a ring and explain oh no don't do that dell
39:52she doesn't know she's pawned it yet
40:03so how was it the hotel was horrible the weather was lousy the food was rotten and the people were
40:11boring oh good all right some of them did hold an orgy
40:18you kidding no honestly i stayed for about an hour and then i got fed up
40:22oh no i hate this sort of thing
40:36what's the matter rodney you look like you've seen a ghost
40:58done us at south east london rodney saw him in south west london he's doing it all over the town
41:06yeah you'd think you'd be taking things easy in his condition wouldn't you
41:14no trick there's nothing wrong with i mean he's not a sick man i mean he's a con man
41:19so you don't reckon he's really ill
41:23that is what i suspect all right lads what's going how are you denzel
41:28want a drink uh no i'm all right no i'm all right no mate thanks can i get you on can i join you
41:32no um it's a bit awkward at the moment denzel you know we are in conference what we're in conference
41:38i thought we was having a chat
41:41listen dell i haven't got long i've got the truck outside i'm off to germany we'll be bringing
41:45a load back oh well that's all right then denzel go on have a nice trip are you ill or something
41:51i've just said i'm going to germany and i will be bringing a load back and you haven't even asked
41:55what it is yes i know denzel but i'm a bit busy at the moment you know i'll talk to you later
41:59well see you do i might have a deal for you yeah all right mate see you in a minute
42:06boise hey got time for a chat some other time dental some other time
42:10um right mike can i see the bar mate denzel i'm busy
42:16rodney how's it going what's that yeah a bit tied up at the moment
42:18i'll talk to you later all right
42:26rodney why are people ignoring me what have i done to them nothing nothing it's just there's a bit of
42:31heavy stuff going down at the moment you know what i mean oh by the way denzel this is cassandra my uh
42:38choose your words carefully rodney my friends and cassandra this is denzel nice to meet you
42:44you too right well i'll leave you two to have a little chat then see you later
42:51come on hurry up sit down he said that i was under the impression that arnie was a good family man
42:56i mean all he ever spoke of was his wife gary and young stephen yes i know and i'm under the
43:01impression that gary and young stephen are about six foot tall and they like to dress up as ambulance men
43:06what you mean it's their ambulance no can't be dull remember when arnie come over bad in a
43:11restaurant it was a staff that phoned for the ambulance yeah but it didn't half arrive quick
43:15though didn't it yeah you come to mention it it was a bit lively anyway i phoned that restaurant
43:21this afternoon and the manager told me that ten minutes after arnie's ambulance arrived another
43:25one turned up the real one yeah we reckon they could do it with split second timing right at one
43:31o'clock arnie does his dying swan act and at three minutes past one his boys turn up in their
43:37ambulance then it's off into the white blue yonder yeah no one's going to question a couple of medical
43:42orderlies are they carrying a sick man out of a restaurant and no one can follow an ambulance
43:46because it goes through red lights and you can pick up these old ambulances for next to nothing
43:52anywhere no no it's beautiful isn't it ain't beautiful so what's mr stavros got to do with it all
44:01mr stavros look don't exist trick does he hey well arnie seemed to know him pretty well
44:07no he only did they invented him didn't he just to get us on the and the you see when he
44:12this still doesn't get me my money back i'm sitting here still convalescing from open wallet surgery
44:17i see all right all right listen at least we know that arnie and the dough are still out
44:23there somewhere gives us half a chance so listen to me i have put the word about that i am looking
44:28for some gold chains right right i'm off you guys i'll see you later yeah nice talking to you cassandra
44:35you too denzil safe trip i bring this meeting to a conclusion gentlemen all i can say is just keep
44:42your ears to the ground right trick that just means listen now it doesn't mean get on your hands and
44:46knees and come on come on rodney let's go over see you jams sorry to leave you talking to a total
44:55stranger don't worry even strangers can be fun i found that out in guernsey look at his face now
45:02look look he looks as though he sucked on a lemon anyway that denzil's a nice bloke don't he he left a
45:08message he heard that you were interested in buying some gold chains oh not more gold plated mickey mouse
45:14gear please apparently one of his brothers carl is it yeah the one lives in bethel green apparently
45:19he's met some guy in a casino a retired jeweler or something who's got 250 yes 250 gold chains
45:28for sale and denzil and his brothers are buying them where is denzil now he's just left he's just
45:34denzil don't buy them don't buy them now you're gonna have to shout louder than that then he's not
45:39like a german name denzil nicht buying them
45:47can you see dad yeah he's in position about another four minutes right and this time you
46:02make the phone call it's always me who has to pretend to be the hospital doctor did you know
46:07the deceased very well okay i'll do it i'm sorry i'm i'm not feeling well could you get me an ambulance
46:37one
46:39one
46:51one
46:52one
46:53one
46:54one
46:58one
47:00one
47:02one
47:03two
47:04one
47:06two
47:07k
47:08one
47:10two
47:11ta
47:12one
47:13two
47:15k
47:16p
47:17i
47:30I can explain everything we're not looking for explanations it's all very
47:35clear but at least let's have a chat and funnily enough there was one or twelve
47:40and a half thousand things we wanted to talk to you about try this tell boy
47:45thank you doctor you don't need that to cut the chain off I've got a key
47:52I said anything about cutting the chain off calm down Arnie calm down you'll
48:02give yourself an heart attack