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00:06Uh, Mom, that's too long.
00:07Hymnlines are short this year.
00:11Still too long.
00:14Keep going.
00:17Laura, are there gonna be boys at this party?
00:19Of course.
00:23Perfect.
00:39Perfect.
01:00Real love bursting out of every scene.
01:05As days go by, we're gonna fill our house with happiness.
01:13Who may cry, but we'll smother the blues with tenderness.
01:19As days go by, there's room for you, room for me.
01:26For gentle hearts and opportunity.
01:31As days go by, it's the bigger love of the family.
01:51Hi, guys.
01:52Hi, Rach.
01:53How was work?
01:53Oh, it was a nightmare.
01:56I lost two waitresses.
01:58Gladys quit, and I had to fire Loretta.
02:01Loretta?
02:01Yeah, she was stealing food.
02:04Went to hug her good night, and a ham fell out of her dress.
02:09You sure look wiped out.
02:10Oh, girl, I am.
02:12You know, I don't know if I can last until I can hire new help.
02:15Well, that's no problem, Mom, Rachel.
02:16I can work a few nights.
02:18Oh, Laura, thank you.
02:19You're a lifesaver.
02:21I tell you, my feet ache, my back is sore, my head is throbbing.
02:26Rachel, I can help out, too.
02:27But it's not that bad.
02:31No, well, I can start tomorrow.
02:33It's Carl's poker night, and I'd be thrilled to get out of the house.
02:35No, really, Harriet, it's not necessary.
02:39Rachel, are you trying to say you don't want my help?
02:43I'm not trying to say it.
02:45I said it.
02:48Why?
02:50Harriet, we don't work well together.
02:53What do you mean?
02:56You can be abrasive, Harriet.
02:58You know, whenever there's a disagreement, you just have a tendency to be rather blunt and harsh.
03:02Now, Rachel, I'm going to be your new waitress.
03:05I don't want to hear another thing about it.
03:06Discussion closed.
03:08Great.
03:09I hired Harriet the Hunt.
03:18No, no, no.
03:23Yellow.
03:24Poker Central.
03:27McCormick, where are you?
03:28You're holding up the game.
03:30Say what?
03:31Hold on a sec.
03:33Hey, guys.
03:33McCormick's wife just went into labor.
03:35Wow.
03:36He wants to know if he should come here or go to the hospital first.
03:40How far apart are the contractions?
03:44McCormick, go to the hospital.
03:46Good luck, and congratulations.
03:50Well, we're down to four players.
03:53Four makes a lousy game.
03:54We've got to find somebody else.
03:55Who are we going to get on short notice?
03:56Hey, I'm desperate.
03:57I'll take anyone.
03:59Hello, there you are.
04:03Hey, what you playing, big guy?
04:06Canasta, animal rummy, crazy eggs?
04:10No, Steve.
04:11It's poker.
04:12You want to join us?
04:14Ah, no can do, Lou.
04:15I came for the beauteous Laura.
04:17Well, Laura isn't here.
04:18She and Harry went to help out at Rachel's place tonight.
04:21Oh, pity, pity, pity.
04:24I thought she might enjoy watching me buy my new accordion.
04:28I finally saved up enough to buy the pearl-inlaid Morris Pulaski Poke Panther.
04:37Well, she'll be sorry she missed you.
04:41Dab, dab, dab, dab.
04:42How much you got there?
04:45Well, $327.
04:47Sit down.
04:50But I don't know how to play poker.
04:52Sit down!
04:56Hey, guys, wait a minute.
04:57He's just a kid.
04:58Let's not take advantage.
04:59Relax, Winslow.
05:00It's just a fun, friendly game.
05:02Oh, a bunch of guys shuffling the 52s,
05:05talking sports and skirts, i.e. male bonding.
05:10All that and more.
05:12Well, if it's just for fun, count me in, amigos.
05:15Now, how does this work?
05:17Well, first you gotta buy some chips.
05:18Oh, okay.
05:20Oh, red, white, and blue.
05:22I didn't know poker was so patriotic.
05:26Sergeant George Randolph.
05:27Oh, Steve Urkel, put her there.
05:29Fred Yamano.
05:30Oh, Steve Urkel, put her there.
05:32Yo cosa de América e Igor y ocurria en su marima.
05:35Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:41What do you say?
05:45Like you don't speak the emperor's language?
05:47No.
05:48I was born in Omaha.
05:51Hey, a corn husker.
05:53There is no place like Nebraska.
05:56Zero, Nebraska, U.
05:58Where the girls are the fairest
06:00and the boys are the fairest.
06:02I'm going to school like me.
06:04Everybody, next.
06:16A 25 cent tip.
06:18I can take that Hawaii on vacation now.
06:24Somebody pick up this food.
06:26What do you think?
06:26I'm cooking for practice here?
06:34Harriet.
06:35Uh-huh.
06:36Did you rearrange the storeroom?
06:37Yep.
06:38Now, everything is where it should be.
06:40But, Harriet, it took me months
06:41to organize it just the way I wanted it.
06:44It was all wrong.
06:45My way is much more practical.
06:47Oh, really?
06:48Then why did you put the mayonnaise
06:50and pickles under J?
06:52Because they're in jars.
06:56Then why is a jar of jelly under S?
06:59Because it's strawberry.
07:01Harriet, I...
07:01Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.
07:03You're the owner
07:04and you can stand and do nothing.
07:05But me, I've got hash to sling.
07:07Wait a minute.
07:08We don't serve hash.
07:11We do now.
07:18Four possible straight.
07:20Steve takes a seven.
07:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
07:26Oh, yeah.
07:27Poker face.
07:30Eight.
07:31No help.
07:31How damn's great.
07:33Tenet takes a five.
07:34Pass showing.
07:35Dealer takes a jack.
07:37No apparent help.
07:38Your bet, kid.
08:03Betty, one simoleon.
08:09Oh.
08:10Oh, no photo.
08:13I make it.
08:14Choose.
08:16I'm out.
08:17Call.
08:18Well, as Sir Edmund Hillary used to say,
08:22this is getting pretty steep.
08:24Oh, but what the heck I'm in.
08:29Last card.
08:30Down and dirty.
08:34Whoa, Nellie.
08:36I'll be for real.
08:37Oh, that's no.
08:38Oh, I've been everything I've got.
08:42You don't scare me, kid.
08:44Eh.
08:45I call.
08:47Too rich for my blood.
08:49What do you got?
08:52Three tins and two sevens.
08:55Whoa.
08:56What's that again, big guy?
08:57A crowded condo?
09:00A full house.
09:02Oh, yeah.
09:09What do you got?
09:12Oh, I only have two pairs.
09:14I win.
09:15Wait.
09:17Two pairs of fives.
09:20Oh, I win.
09:23Yes.
09:24Oh, excuse me.
09:31Look.
09:32That wasn't very nice of you to let me think I won.
09:36No, but it was pretty funny.
09:41Well, as the Ming Va said after it fell off the Sears Tower,
09:45I'm broke.
09:47So, if you'll just give me my money back, I'll stodaddle.
09:52You expect us to give you your money back?
09:56Well, sure, you said it was just a friendly game.
09:58You know, guys having fun.
10:01Yeah, the more money I win, the more fun I have.
10:06Hey, but I need that money for crying out loud.
10:09Well, sir, Steve is new to the game.
10:11He didn't know we were playing for keeps.
10:13He knows now.
10:17But under the circumstances, I think that we should give him his money back, Lieutenant.
10:23But out, Sergeant.
10:27Why, you bully!
10:29It's becoming obvious to me that the things Carl says about you behind your back are true.
10:41He's delirious, sir.
10:43It's the cheese puffs talking.
10:46You stole our cabbage hands.
10:48Steve.
10:48Well, they had it coming, Carl.
10:51Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I've got all your money.
11:10Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'm going to give you your money back.
11:13Well, gee, why are you going to do that?
11:16Well, because you didn't know the rules, and you're a guest in my house, and I feel responsible.
11:21So, there you go.
11:24See, thanks, big guy.
11:26You really are my friend.
11:31Okay, don't get crazed.
11:33Now, go buy your accordion.
11:35Take my money before I realize what I'm doing.
11:39That's a nice thing.
11:41What?
11:41No, sir.
11:43Not until I wipe the smirk off this flatfoot's face.
11:49You're coming back for more?
11:50Oh, you bet your sweet billy club.
11:55Steve, don't do this.
11:58Well, why not?
11:59Because now you'll be losing my money.
12:01Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take.
12:06Gents, belly up to the table.
12:09It's time to play some cutthroat poker.
12:12Oh.
12:27Well, I own the place, and my sister works here, and my mom helps out.
12:31That's one of the reasons why I like you so much, Eddie.
12:33Family's important to you.
12:35Yes.
12:36Yes, it is, Lisa.
12:37My family is warm and emotional, and that's where I get it from.
12:41Harriet, I cannot believe you.
12:43How could you talk to the cook like that?
12:45I just asked Ramona a simple question.
12:47Is this blackened chicken, or did you burn it again?
12:50Who are those people?
12:51Oh, I've never seen them before in my life.
12:54Let's go get Chinese, eh?
13:04Hey, Big Mouth, I'm going back to the track stop where Ramon is loved.
13:12Laura, go talk to Ramon.
13:14Give him the usual speech.
13:15He's an artist.
13:16We love him.
13:17He's a Michelangelo meatloaf.
13:20Big mistake.
13:22If Ramon's ego was any bigger, he wouldn't fit in the kitchen.
13:27I heard that, and I'm refusing to take any insults from a lousy biscuit shooter.
13:38Either she goes, or I don't.
13:41Well, in that case, pick up your paycheck and hit the road, Jack!
13:50You're firing my cook?
13:54You're firing my cook?
14:15Evening, Miss, you've got a table for $35,000.
14:26You're hired!
14:32Up at one.
14:35Your hot streak is over, kid.
14:37I make it five.
14:39I call.
14:40This corn husker's no fool.
14:44You're five.
14:47And bump it.
14:48How much?
14:49Ten more, dude.
14:50I'm an old student.
14:52You don't even have a pair showing.
14:54Not a possible straight or a flush.
14:56You're bluffing, kid.
14:58You know, those flapping lips are keeping me cool, but you're wasting my time.
15:05Your turn.
15:07And another 20.
15:11Too rich for my blood.
15:15Well, it's just you and me, nerd.
15:18Put up or shut up.
15:19Oh!
15:21All right, copper.
15:24I'll put up.
15:25I'll put up everything I've got.
15:29Mmm.
15:30Everything?
15:32Everything.
15:33The whole kitten taboodle.
15:36But, Steve, what are you doing?
15:38That's over $200.
15:40I know.
15:42I don't have that much.
15:45Well, as my grandma once said when she overcooked her nuggies.
15:48Tough nuggies.
15:51Wait.
15:55This watch is worth over $300.
16:00Captain gave it to me for breaking up an illegal gambling ring.
16:10Acceptable.
16:12But, Lieutenant, you love that watch.
16:14That's the watch you refused to sell when your mother needed that operation.
16:20I know.
16:21But this is poker.
16:28What you got?
16:31A flush.
16:33Diamonds are a cop's best friend.
16:39And all I have is two pair.
16:41Yes!
16:42I win!
16:43Ha-ha!
16:43Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
16:51Two pair of tens.
16:54Four tens.
17:01Four tens?
17:03Four tens. You lose.
17:05Four tens? You lose.
17:09Four tens? You lose.
17:12You see, any way you say it, you lose.
17:22Good luck next week.
17:30I never knew the restaurant business could be so hard on the hooves.
17:34Yeah, but the tips make up for it.
17:36Oh, yes. A nice smile and a cheery attitude and you will go home with your pockets full.
17:41How'd you do tonight, Laura? 38 bucks.
17:44How about you, Mom?
17:49Mom.
17:50Four dollars and thirteen cents.
17:52And a half a stick of chewing gum.
17:55All right.
17:56Would you mind going back there and giving Ramon his usual goodnight pep talk?
18:00You're a genius. You're a god. You saved our butts again.
18:05Oh, boy.
18:07Rachel.
18:08Yeah?
18:09I owe you an apology.
18:10Yes, you do.
18:12This is your restaurant and you should run it with no interference from me.
18:16And you know what?
18:18What?
18:19You're really good at it.
18:22You really think so?
18:23Never seen anything like it.
18:26A few minutes ago this place was a madhouse.
18:29But you were calm, cool, and in control.
18:32You dealt with a hungry mob, a crazy cook, and a big mouth pushy sister who thinks she knows everything.
18:40All right.
18:42Wait a minute.
18:44A compliment from you?
18:46What's the catch?
18:48No catch.
18:51You know, Rachel, as far back as I can remember, I've always been the big sister looking out for my
19:01little sister.
19:03But somewhere along the line, you started looking out for yourself. Yourself.
19:10I'm proud of you, Rachel.
19:12Yeah.
19:13I'm just lucky I had a big sister who taught me how to look out for myself.
19:19Myself.
19:21Thank you for always being there for me.
19:24I couldn't have a better sister.
19:26Oh, Rachel.
19:34Four tens.
19:40Ah, Lieutenant.
19:42Hm?
19:43What?
19:44It's late.
19:45Don't you think we better call it a night?
19:47Yeah.
19:48Sure.
19:52Four tens.
19:57Hey, Lou.
19:59Yeah?
20:00You forgot something.
20:04Aw.
20:07What's this for?
20:10Well, unlike you, I play for fun.
20:15I really get to keep this?
20:17Well, as Lady Chatterley said to all of her lovers,
20:21Sure, why not?
20:31You're all right, kid.
20:42That was nice, Steve.
20:43Real classy.
20:45Oh, thanks, big guy.
20:47But you know what would be even classier?
20:49What?
20:50If you give me my money back.
20:52Oh, sure.
20:53It's right here.
20:56Well, thanks, Steve.
20:57Hey, and listen.
20:59Now, I'm gonna give up gambling.
21:00But before I do, how about one last wager?
21:05What do you got in mind?
21:08Well, we cut the deck.
21:10If I get the high card, I can come over here anytime I want.
21:17What do I get if I get the high card?
21:20I stay away for a month.
21:21Month.
21:23Six months.
21:26You're on.
21:33Oh, no. A three.
21:44Uh, deuce. You win.
21:48All right!
21:50Ain't no hard feelings, big guy.
21:52Nah.
21:53Fair as fair, Steve.
22:20Ah!
22:21Where to pay me.
22:24Uh, yeah.
22:38Ayahificial city installed me!
22:39Uh, I know, gusty people.
22:41Take a happy dance.
22:41The day is alwayserto!
22:42Thank you so hungry.
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