- 3 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Last night, my friend Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly knew.
00:07She was the date of Nick Waxman, a fairly successful sports agent who once told her she had nice legs.
00:13Okay. Old movie stars you'd have liked to fuck when they were young.
00:19Alive or dead?
00:20Doesn't matter. I'll start.
00:22Veronica Lake, the year she made Sullivan's Travels.
00:26Dave?
00:26Huh. I'd have to say Sophie Loren. Probably because my dad had this thing for her.
00:33We won't go there.
00:34Montgomery Clift.
00:35He was gay.
00:37Oh.
00:37Marilyn Monroe, before the Kennedys got to her. Honey?
00:40Bing Crosby.
00:42I stand by my choice.
00:45Sean Connery, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
00:50For a first date, Miranda felt like she was hitting it out of the ballpark.
00:55Pink.
00:57So, how long have you known Nick?
00:59We've been riding the same elevator line for years, and then we had lunch a few weeks ago, and then
01:04he invited me here to dinner.
01:06Well, we adore him.
01:08He's very smart.
01:09I guess he took our little ultimatum seriously.
01:11Yeah.
01:13And...
01:14What are you talking about?
01:16They told Miranda that Nick had this thing for models.
01:19Okay.
01:20Old movie stars he would have liked to fuck when they were young. I'll start.
01:23Veronica Lake, the year she made Sullivan's Travels. Dave?
01:27I'd have to go with Sophia Loren. Probably my dad had a thing for her.
01:31Montgomery Clift.
01:33Marilyn Monroe.
01:35Bing Crosby.
01:37Yvette?
01:39Um...
01:40I don't know.
01:41Charlie Sheen?
01:43They'd come to dinner, push their food around, and pout.
01:48Veronica Lake.
01:49Sophia Loren.
01:50Montgomery Clift.
01:51Marilyn Monroe.
01:53Bing Crosby.
01:54Marissa?
02:06She, uh, had to make a phone call.
02:10It got to be a problem.
02:12They decided to take action.
02:14Can't you find a woman who can carry on a decent conversation?
02:17Again, Nick.
02:18And eat without purging.
02:20What are you saying?
02:21You can't bring around any more of these so-called models, Nick.
02:24Uh-uh.
02:24It's too depressing.
02:26Okay.
02:27Okay.
02:28I'll see what I can do.
02:30And then he brought you.
02:32So obviously not a model.
02:34In a good way.
02:36Nick dates models?
02:45Miranda confronted him, and it didn't take him long to fold.
02:48No, it's true.
02:49It's true.
02:50Okay.
02:50I'm obsessed.
02:51Obsessed with models.
02:53Correct.
02:54What am I?
02:54Your intellectual beard for the evening?
02:56No.
02:56Don't be pissed, alright?
02:57You gotta admit, you met some nice people.
03:00Alright, you had a good time.
03:04You were on a date with a modelizer, and you didn't even know it?
03:08If men like Nick are dating models, what chance do ordinary women have?
03:12I mean, do you have to be a supermodel to get a date in New York?
03:16Modelizers are a particular breed.
03:17They're a step beyond womanizers, who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt.
03:23Modelizers are obsessed not with women, but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines,
03:30but in Manhattan actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men
03:36can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.
03:38As if we didn't have enough problems.
03:42They're stupid and lazy, and they should be shot on sight.
03:45I've been out with a lot of guys, and they say that I am just as beautiful as a model,
03:48but I work for a living.
03:49I mean, I'm like, well, I'm like a model who's taking the high road.
03:53The advantages given to models, and to beautiful women in general, are so unfair, it makes me want to cute.
03:58Oh, sweetheart, you should have said that. You are so cute.
04:00Cute doesn't cut it in this town. What's cute compared to supermodel?
04:03There's nothing like raising the subject of models among four single women to spice up an otherwise dull Tuesday night.
04:10They have this distant, sexy look.
04:12That's not sex, it's starvation.
04:14That's starvation in the best restaurants.
04:16Yeah. What I want to know is, when did all the men get together and decide that they would only
04:21get it up for giraffes with big breasts?
04:23In some cultures, heavy women with mustaches are considered beautiful.
04:28And you're looking at me while you're saying that?
04:29We should just admit that we live in a culture that promotes impossible standards of beauty.
04:34Yeah, except men think they're possible.
04:35Yeah.
04:36I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to
04:40give up.
04:41Well, I just want to tie her down and force feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and
04:45me.
04:45What are you talking about? Look at you two, you're beautiful.
04:49Mmm, I hate my thighs.
04:51Oh, come on.
04:52I can't even open a magazine without thinking thighs, thighs, thighs.
04:56Well, I'll take your thighs and raise you a chin.
04:58I'll take your chin and raise you a...
05:04What?
05:05Oh, come on.
05:06Hey, I happen to love the way I look.
05:09You should, you paid enough for it.
05:11Hey, I resent that. I do not believe in plastic surgery.
05:14Well, not yet.
05:16I find it fascinating that four beautiful flesh and blood women could be intimidated by some unreal fantasy.
05:23I mean, look, look at this.
05:24Is this really intimidating to any of you?
05:27I hate my thighs.
05:29Pass the chicken.
05:30You know, I have that dress.
05:31Suddenly I was interested.
05:33If models could cause otherwise rational individuals to crumble in their presence, exactly how powerful was beauty?
05:40There are two types of guys that fall for beautiful women.
05:43Either they're slimeballs that are just out to get laid, or they fall in love with unions still.
05:47It's pathetic.
05:47Why fuck the girl in the skirt, if you can fuck the girl in the ad for the skirt?
05:52Being beautiful is such a power.
05:54You can get whatever you want.
05:56You can get anything.
05:57I mean, not for trips to Aspen.
05:59Wiccans in Paris.
06:00Christmas in St. Barts.
06:02Motorcycle.
06:04Juicer.
06:04It's not like models don't have brains.
06:07They have them.
06:09They just don't need to use them.
06:11Most guys just think you're dumb.
06:12But I'm really very literary.
06:14I read.
06:15I'll sit down and I'll read a whole magazine from cover to cover.
06:18Some scuba gear.
06:21Herbert's photo.
06:23A vulgar necklace.
06:25A breast job.
06:26My friends think I'm shallow.
06:28Sometimes I think they're right.
06:30Other times I think, hey, I'm fucking a model.
06:35Models are a lot looser than you think.
06:38It's way easier to screw a model than a regular girl
06:41because that's what they do all the time.
06:42It's how regular people are when they're on vacation.
06:45Barkley, a notorious modelizer,
06:47was one of those Soho wonders who maintained a fabulous lifestyle
06:51despite never having sold a single painting.
06:54So you're saying it's easy to meet them?
06:56No, not so easy.
06:58The trick is you've got to treat them like the regular girls.
07:01You've got to be able to roll into a place,
07:03walk up to the hottest thing there.
07:04Otherwise, you're finished.
07:05It's kind of like being around dogs.
07:07You've got to show no fear.
07:09Things?
07:10You call them things?
07:11Yeah.
07:12Well, they are things.
07:14They're beautiful things.
07:15And that's what my life's about, you know?
07:18Beauty.
07:21Come here.
07:21I want to show you something.
07:27This is my real art.
07:29Only, I can't really show it to the public.
07:34Well, not yet at least.
07:35Sit down.
07:44That's Vanessa.
07:46That's Tanya.
07:48Lana.
07:49And Katrina.
07:51I couldn't believe it.
07:53The man had slept with half the perfume ads in September's Vogue.
07:59Do they...
08:00Do they know about this?
08:03Maybe.
08:04Oh, look at that one.
08:08She does runway now, but I think she's going to be huge someday.
08:11I didn't know what to say.
08:12There really wasn't anything to say except...
08:16Do you have a light?
08:18Sure.
08:26Later that day, I was relieved to discover that at least one eligible bachelor got his
08:30kicks off the runway.
08:32So, I totally dig your friend Miranda.
08:34You're kidding.
08:35That's great.
08:35Yeah.
08:35I think she is so sexy and smart and...
08:38Did she tell you that we made out?
08:40No.
08:41Yeah.
08:41It was totally hot.
08:43Oh.
08:45So...
08:45Why don't you call her?
08:46You should call her.
08:47She loves her.
08:48Yeah.
08:48Like a hundred times.
08:49She totally won't return my phone calls.
08:50I don't know.
08:51Did she say anything about me?
08:53No.
08:54I don't know.
08:55Maybe she's just busy or...
08:56I don't know.
08:57Am I not cute enough for her?
08:58Of course you are.
08:59Skipper, you're adorable.
09:00Well, I don't know.
09:01Find out for me.
09:02I want to see if I still have a chance.
09:05Right now?
09:05In front of you?
09:06Go ahead.
09:07I can handle it.
09:10Hi.
09:11This is Miranda.
09:12Please leave me a message.
09:13It's her machine.
09:15Hey.
09:16This is Skipper.
09:16I'm in the street with Carrie.
09:18I just told her how you won't call me back.
09:19So now you have to call me back.
09:21You better call me back.
09:23No, I'm kidding.
09:24I'm joking.
09:26But seriously, I hope you call me back.
09:28And...
09:29Did I mention this with Skipper?
09:32I believe there is a curse put on the head of anybody who tries to fix up their friends.
09:40We're better to find modelizers in their natural habitat than a fashion show.
09:44Luckily, my friend Stanford Blatch had a client in the hottest show in town.
09:48The bone is like the human equivalent of a sable coat.
09:51He's so beautiful that I find that sometimes I have to look away.
09:55You see him?
09:57Right over there.
09:58Where?
09:58Oh, my God.
09:59Look at him.
10:00Looks like he travels with his own personal lighting director.
10:03Derek, a.k.a. the bone, was the world's biggest underwear model and Stanford's most
10:08important client, as well as the subject of his single-minded obsession.
10:13Hey, Stanny.
10:15Derek, I'd like you to meet a very dear friend, Carrie Bradshaw.
10:18Hi.
10:18Nice to meet you.
10:19Carrie writes the column section of the city.
10:21Wow.
10:22That's great.
10:22Oh, have you read it?
10:23Uh, no.
10:25You know, the other day, Derek and I were walking past his billboard, and he told me
10:29that he'd like to get a piece of it for his apartment, like maybe his nose.
10:32And I said, you should get the bulge in your pants.
10:35That way, when women ask how big you are, you can say 14 feet.
10:39That would be very funny, wouldn't it?
10:40Yeah, yeah.
10:41Everybody's talking about you.
10:42You are so great.
10:44You're gonna be a star.
10:45Have I told you that enough times?
10:46You're a star.
10:47You're a star.
10:48You're a star.
10:49We better let you get dressed.
10:51I am dressed.
10:52Oh.
10:53We'll, uh, see you after the show.
10:55Bye.
10:56Okay, bye.
10:58Can you believe anyone that beautiful can be that nice?
11:01I keep dreaming that someday he's just gonna turn around and say, Stanford, I love you.
11:05Is he gay?
11:06He denies it.
11:07How can anyone that gorgeous be straight?
11:11Sweetie, over here!
11:12Samantha Jones never missed a major fashion show.
11:15She was one of the only people I knew who thought that proximity to beauty made her feel
11:19more attractive.
11:20Hey, sweetie.
11:21So wait.
11:22What happened?
11:22You couldn't find seats right on the runway?
11:24Oh, you can see all the flaws from this angle.
11:27Oh!
11:34Hey, Karen.
11:36Hey, hi, Bartley.
11:37How are you?
11:37You going to the party afterwards?
11:38Um, I don't know.
11:40Of course we are.
11:41Hi.
11:42Hi.
11:42I'm Samantha.
11:44Barkley.
11:48Martini straight up or with a twist?
11:51Straight up.
11:53Really?
11:54He's very cute.
11:55You're not dating him, are you?
11:57God, though, he's a total modelizer.
12:02Is he dating any one model in particular?
12:06Actually, he's sleeping with all of them in general.
12:11Only models?
12:12Only models.
12:30Later that night, we all went downtown for a party.
12:34I was beginning to float away on a sea of sweet potato puffs with smoked salmon and sour cream when
12:39it was Mr. Big, major tycoon, major dreamboat, and majorly out of my league.
12:48I thought I saw you on the runway.
12:49Oh.
12:51Hi.
12:52I started reading your column after we met.
12:55You did?
12:56Yeah.
12:57Cute.
12:58Cute.
13:01Well, yeah, cute.
13:03What are you writing about this week?
13:05Um, well, I'm working on a story about men who date models.
13:08Any thoughts?
13:10Only that they're very lucky.
13:13So, what have you discovered about these men who are dating models?
13:18Well, I'm discovering that some of them treat it as a competitive sport, and others, I think, just need the
13:25validation.
13:26And probably others just have a thing for exceptionally beautiful women.
13:30Exactly.
13:32And there's something wrong with that?
13:34No, there's nothing wrong.
13:36I just think it might become a bit monotonous.
13:39Huh?
13:41Um, no thanks.
13:43Oh, excuse me.
13:44So, um, where do you, uh, where do you write these stories?
13:48My cute stories?
13:49Yeah, I mean, have you got an office or anything?
13:51No.
13:52Uh, well, about half the time I'm at my apartment, and the other half I'm over at this coffee shop
13:56on 7.3 in Madison.
13:58Oh, um, Carrie, I'd like you to meet Misha.
14:01Oh.
14:01Oh, hi, you were great in the show.
14:05Suddenly, I felt like I was wearing patchouli in a room full of Chanel.
14:09Well, it was nice talking to you.
14:11Oh, see you around sometime.
14:13I hope.
14:15The truth was, I thought I had come to terms with my looks the year I turned 30, when I
14:20realized that I no longer had the energy to be completely superficial.
14:23Your friend Buckley?
14:24He's really been coming on to me.
14:26Do you actually think he believes in the model?
14:28Well, whatever it is, you don't want to go there.
14:31Why not?
14:31He has this thing for secretly taping his conquests.
14:35Really?
14:36Mm-hmm.
14:37What a pervert.
14:41As Samantha began to get ready for her close-up, I felt it was time to call it a night.
14:47I had never felt so invisible in my entire life.
14:50Taxi!
14:55Okay.
14:56Hey, hi.
14:58Did, um, did Stanford leave?
14:59Nah, he's in there giving a neck massage to a Versace model.
15:03So, where are you going now?
15:04Oh, I'm going home.
15:05Can I come?
15:07You want to come home with me?
15:08Sure, if it's quiet.
15:10I can't take these crowds.
15:15The things you gotta do in the name of research.
15:24Shouldn't you be spending the night with some girl from the show?
15:27Nah, I never date models.
15:29I think they're stupid.
15:31I wondered if there wasn't some kind of physics for beauty.
15:34Maybe two models repelled.
15:36Maybe models could only be attracted to ordinary humans.
15:42So, I think it's so cool that you write.
15:45Thanks.
15:46I wish I could write.
15:48I've got all these intense thoughts, but I can't keep them in my head long enough to get them down
15:51on paper.
15:52Well, that's the big trick.
15:54Truth is, I'm totally neurotic.
15:57One minute, I could be walking down the street.
15:59Totally cool.
16:00And the next minute, I'm depressed for no reason.
16:03I'm totally self-conscious.
16:05Like, before I say something, I say it in my head first so it doesn't come out wrong.
16:10Doesn't that seem like a waste of time?
16:13Only takes a second.
16:18And sometimes I get so distracted.
16:20What's distracting you now?
16:22Your nose.
16:23Thanks a lot.
16:24I hate my nose.
16:25It's just so cute.
16:27I hate my nose, too.
16:28It's too big.
16:29But I think it depends on my hair.
16:31Yeah.
16:34I see what you mean.
16:36So what do you want to be when you grow up?
16:37Oh, well, I think this might be it.
16:42What do you want to be when you grow up?
16:44I'd like to move back to Iowa and have kids and be a cop.
16:50I felt like I was in my bedroom when I was 16 and I used to hang out with this
16:54guy who was really beautiful
16:55and my parents thought I was helping him with his chemistry homework.
16:59Do you mind if we just lie here?
17:01I get so lonely in the city.
17:03Sometimes it's just nice to lie with someone.
17:06Sure.
17:08We could do that.
17:11It was hard to imagine that anyone so beautiful could ever be lonely.
17:17Meanwhile, somewhere below 14th Street,
17:20two ordinary Joes were doing their own lonely late night thing.
17:23Anything else, ma'am?
17:24No, that's it.
17:25Just cat food?
17:26Yes, just cat food.
17:28Hey!
17:30Oh, hi, Skipper.
17:32So, like, um, how come you haven't been returning any of my calls?
17:35I'm sorry, it's been a really busy week.
17:37I thought we had a connection.
17:39Oh.
17:40I don't know.
17:41Could I get my change?
17:42You mean you get that way with every guy that you're with?
17:45No.
17:47It's just...
17:49Don't you want to go out with a girl your own age?
17:51It's got nothing to do with age.
17:53It's got nothing to do with age.
17:53I...
17:54I think you're luminous.
17:57You think I'm luminous?
17:59Totally.
18:01Miranda couldn't resist the vision of herself reflected in Skipper's slightly smudged lenses.
18:08All right, let's get out of here.
18:10Okay, yeah.
18:11Let me just pay for my Captain Crunch.
18:13There's cereal at my place.
18:15Oh.
18:21And Samantha found the ultimate validation.
18:24Sex with Barkley.
18:26So, uh...
18:29Where is it?
18:31What?
18:32The camera.
18:35Your friend Carrie tell you about that?
18:37Uh-huh.
18:38But don't worry, the hell me take models.
18:42I want mine.
18:46Fine.
18:47I'll make an exception.
18:58Samantha demanded nothing less than the same consideration given every other model in town.
19:10Hello?
19:11Carrie?
19:12It's Stanford.
19:13Do you have any idea what happened to Derek last night?
19:17Actually...
19:17You'll never believe it, but...
19:19Yes?
19:22It's Stanford.
19:27Hi, Stanford.
19:29Derek?
19:31Could you put Carrie back on the phone?
19:33Sure.
19:37Hello.
19:38How could you?
19:40I didn't.
19:41We just talked.
19:43I knew he was gay.
19:51It's amazing what they'll do to be with these models.
19:54I've got to retire soon.
19:55They keep me from getting worked in.
19:57They make me fuck up my life.
19:58Look at me.
19:59I'm an old man at 34.
20:05I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park.
20:11Completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.
20:16I'm not interrupting your work, am I?
20:18Hey, what a surprise.
20:20I can't stay. I'm late for a meeting.
20:22But I've been thinking about that article you're writing.
20:24About men who date models.
20:25Yeah, what about them?
20:27First of all...
20:28Well, there are so many goddamn gorgeous women out there in this city.
20:32What an amazing observation.
20:35But the thing is this.
20:38After a while...
20:39You just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.
20:43Know what I mean?
20:44Yeah.
20:51Okay.
20:52See ya.
21:03I take that back.
21:04Beauty is fleeting.
21:06But a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.
21:15pretty massive, 40.
21:16though, there's noDaniel number to buy a full store.
21:16A strangef marginsame there,
21:16I raise my house and your initial phone number and yourición.
21:16Best friend I identify along.
21:16was planning to sell for small stores.
21:16You're but not lamb Smoke & use search always means that there is not coming out aitzing.
21:17it's not the Marcheg shoes all through art,
21:17but we're actually undergoing them each other.
21:17Give it more money to do this if you want.
21:18A leftover beer.
21:18более one with a little lamb in the room that feels earlier.
21:18But there is something that you can do for sure.