- 12 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Once upon a time, in a magical land called Manhattan, a young woman fell in love.
00:10Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at a black-tie benefit for Epstein Barr.
00:17She chased him through every disease in New York.
00:20They've been officially dating since Retinitis Pigmentosa.
00:25Jack was perfect for her.
00:27Architect, philanthropist, and the sex was amazing.
00:33Late one night, Jack popped the inevitable question.
00:36So, what are your fantasies?
00:41Oh, God. I'd love to own my own gallery.
00:45And maybe a little cottage in Maine.
00:47Actually, I meant more like screwing in an airplane bathroom kind of fantasies.
00:53Oh.
00:54The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage
00:58on a flight to Palm Beach.
01:01Well...
01:02I've always wanted to do it in my parents' bed.
01:06Wild. I like it.
01:08What about you?
01:10You, me, and another woman.
01:14Come on!
01:14I'm serious.
01:16Charlotte, you have no idea how sexy you are, do you?
01:20I mean, the idea of you touching another woman.
01:24God, it makes me hard just thinking about it.
01:27Wow.
01:34Jack wants us to do a threesome.
01:37Of course he does. Every guy does.
01:39Threesomes are huge right now.
01:40They're the blowjob of the 90s.
01:42What was the blowjob of the 80s?
01:44Anal sex.
01:45Any sex, period.
01:46Don't let him pressure you into it.
01:47It's just this guy's cheap floor to watch you be a lesbian for a night.
01:50Don't knock it till you tried it.
01:51I had a threesome once, I think.
01:53In college.
01:54I was drunk, I woke up in someone else's bra.
01:56The only way to do a threesome is to be the guest star.
01:59The guest star?
01:59Yeah.
02:00The girl the couple gets to come in, screw, and leave.
02:03The pinch hitter.
02:04Exactly.
02:05It's perfect.
02:06All the great sex without wondering what it'll do to your relationship.
02:09But you don't have relationships.
02:11Which is why I have great sex.
02:13I've never done a threesome.
02:14Because you have relationships.
02:16Well, I've never done a threesome.
02:17Oh, come on.
02:18Of course you haven't.
02:19You want a threesome?
02:20You won't even wear a thong.
02:22Jack thinks I'm sexy.
02:23He's just buttering you up.
02:25First you start thinking you're hot.
02:26Then he brings up the threesome thing.
02:28Boom.
02:28Suddenly you're kissing another woman while he beats off.
02:31Please.
02:32Just make sure that the other woman isn't a friend.
02:35Use somebody random.
02:36You know, somebody you meet in a bar or something.
02:38That's romantic.
02:39No.
02:40I think that I'd feel safer with a friend.
02:42With someone I could trust.
02:43Like Carrie.
02:45Oh, gee, I'm flattered.
02:47But, um, I'd go with someone who has a little more experience.
02:50Like Sam.
02:51Well, thanks.
02:52But there is something sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.
02:56Really?
02:58Mm-hmm.
03:01Oh, great.
03:01No.
03:01Forget about me.
03:02Aww.
03:04Oh, come on.
03:05Yeah, I'll do it with you guys.
03:07It's like, it's like picking teams for dodgeball all over again.
03:10Was Samantha right?
03:12Were threesomes the new sexual frontier?
03:14One, two, three.
03:17No question.
03:18Guys were infatuated with threesomes.
03:20And when I started looking, they were everywhere.
03:24After all, our lives are built on threesomes.
03:27Fat, low-fat, non-fat.
03:29First business economy.
03:30Moe Larry Curly.
03:32Maybe we were never meant to do it with only one other person.
03:35Maybe threesomes were the relationship of the future.
03:39Oh.
03:40Oh.
03:40Oh.
03:40Oh.
03:45Oh.
03:46I love that you're not my wife.
03:47I love that, too.
03:49Oh.
03:49I mean, that thing you do with your hips.
03:52Oh.
03:53Ruth won't even get on top.
03:55Ken was 37, a wine importer, unhappily married to a woman who designed modular office furniture.
04:01This affair was the most exciting thing that had happened to him since the 94 Montrachet.
04:08Five hours later, Charlotte's night was just beginning.
04:12She and Jack had just had another fantastic date dancing for dyslexia.
04:16So, uh, what do you think of her?
04:19She hot?
04:21Jack!
04:22Yeah, you're right.
04:24Maybe she's more your taste.
04:26Stop it.
04:28Have a light.
04:29Sorry, I don't smoke.
04:31That's a shame.
04:36Did you see that?
04:37She was flirting with us.
04:39I think she was flirting with you.
04:41Charlotte, you are such a turn-on and you have no idea.
04:45You're giving off this sexual energy all the time.
04:48A vibe like you got a fire inside of you.
04:52She'd be crazy not to be into you.
04:55Who knows whether it was her vodka or her vibe,
04:58but Charlotte suddenly did feel a little warm.
05:00I think she put her hands on my leg.
05:03So, should I ask her to join us?
05:10That night, she had an eye-opening experience.
05:38Charlotte hadn't been that excited since she tried on her JV cheerleading uniform for the first time.
05:44So, what do you think your dream meant?
05:47I'm in the sandbox with Charlotte, Sam and Carrie and none of them will play with me.
05:51Please, it's obvious.
05:52Across town, Miranda was dealing with her own nightmare.
05:55Look, I know it's juvenile, but it bothers me.
05:57I'm attractive, I'm smart, right?
05:58Plenty of people should want me for a threesome.
06:01So, you're saying that you're attracted to your girlfriends?
06:05No.
06:06But if your friends won't go down on you, who will?
06:08Well, that's some dream.
06:10It was so real, I can't stop thinking about it.
06:12And I think I enjoyed it.
06:14That's great.
06:14Dreams are a really good way to experiment.
06:16It's like buying a dress and keeping the tags on.
06:19But do you think it means I should do it?
06:27I'm serious.
06:29I don't know, it's your call, but don't do it just to make Jack happy.
06:32But maybe it would bring us closer.
06:34Sweetie, don't you think it's weird that you're thinking of sleeping with someone you don't know to get closer to
06:38Jack?
06:40But how well do we ever know the people we sleep with?
06:43That was the thing about Charlotte.
06:44Just when you were about to write her off as a Park Avenue Pollyanna, she'd say something so right on
06:50you'd think she was the Dalai Lama.
06:52Do you think my hair is too shiny today?
06:54And then she'd say something else.
06:57Do you?
06:57But the bigger question remained.
06:59If Charlotte was actually considering a threesome, who wasn't?
07:02The Village Voice had more ads looking for threesomes than it did for small rat-infested studios running at a
07:07thousand a month.
07:08But who actually answered these ads?
07:11Wall Street honcho seeks two horny gal pals for an East Hampton fuckfest at my summer home.
07:16No fatties, please.
07:17Sweet suburban schoolteacher seeks two men to fulfill her wildest fantasies.
07:23You be black or Hispanic, I'll be on time.
07:27I need your dick now.
07:29X-Files fanatic twosome seeks scully lookalike for abduction fantasy.
07:34Me, gorgeous with big boobs.
07:36You, a couple with class.
07:38Let's experience everything the city has to offer.
07:41I'm into museums, blowjobs, theatre, and golden showers.
07:47I seem to be the only person in New York who still believed in the one-on-one relationship.
07:51Mr. Big and I were actually doing sleepovers.
07:53Which one?
07:56This one.
08:03You better be careful.
08:04I could get used to this.
08:06Why is it that putting a tie around a man's neck is sometimes even sexier than taking it off?
08:11What are you doing for lunch today?
08:14I could maybe swing an hour between meetings.
08:17Oh, no.
08:18Sorry, I can't.
08:20I have to interview someone.
08:22About what?
08:23Threesomes.
08:25Ever done one?
08:26Sure.
08:27Who hasn't?
08:28Really?
08:30With who?
08:31My ex-wife.
08:33Suddenly my column was the last thing on my mind.
08:37You were married?
08:38Uh, yeah, I, uh, thought I told you.
08:43No.
08:44No, you didn't.
08:45An ex-wife.
08:46That's a new twist.
08:47Yeah, and they had wild sex.
08:49Threesomes.
08:50We don't have wild sex.
08:51I mean, we used to.
08:51But now we have sweet sex.
08:53Wild always beats out sweet.
08:54But he's not with her anymore.
08:56Well, that's probably because he stopped having wild sex.
08:58You know, that's why Ken's fucking me.
09:00His wife won't even give him a blowjob.
09:01Is that supposed to make me feel better?
09:02He's never gonna leave his wife for you, you know.
09:04They never do.
09:05Thank God.
09:06Who needs the trouble?
09:07This is ideal.
09:08No must, no fuss.
09:09Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.
09:11Does this color turn you on?
09:13You had to hand it to Miranda.
09:15She was determined.
09:16It's a little bit orange.
09:17You know, there's only one thing left to do.
09:20What?
09:20Leave him before he leaves me?
09:22Are you kidding?
09:23Check out the ex.
09:28Charlotte was right.
09:29We don't really know the people we sleep with.
09:31After all, what did I really know about Mr. Big?
09:34Except he had an ex-wife named Barbara who I quickly discovered worked in publishing.
09:38My plan was simple.
09:40I'd pitch her a steamy, bodice-ripping paper bag, which she'd probably reject.
09:43But at least I'd get five minutes face to face with her.
09:46Carrie?
09:48Come right in.
09:49Barbara's ready for you.
09:51Okay.
09:51That was good.
09:52Thanks.
09:53Bye.
09:54Carrie Bradshaw.
09:55I am so excited.
09:57Oh.
09:57Sit down.
09:58I'm a huge fan of your work.
10:00Good taste and beautiful.
10:01Could it get worse?
10:02Oh.
10:04Special Olympics chairwoman.
10:06Sorry.
10:07I haven't hung it yet.
10:09So, I'm dying to hear your pitch.
10:11I never knew you were interested in writing children's books.
10:14Well, who doesn't love children's books?
10:17Five minutes of bodice-ripping material out the window.
10:20So, I did what any writer would do.
10:22I pulled an idea out of my ass.
10:26Well, my story is about a little girl named Kathy.
10:32Little Kathy.
10:34And what makes little Kathy special?
10:37Well, she's got these magic cigarettes.
10:43She has magic cigarettes?
10:45Yes.
10:46Little Kathy and her magic cigarettes.
10:49And whenever she lights up, she can go anywhere in the whole wide world.
10:54You know, Arabia, New Jersey.
10:57I mean, that stuff is all going to be worked out, of course.
11:00You want to write a children's book about smoking?
11:03Well, it's a children's book for adults.
11:11You are outrageous. I love it.
11:13I thought you might.
11:14I have been dying to do something with an edge.
11:17This could be great.
11:18It was the last straw.
11:20She was smart, beautiful, and she got me.
11:23I'd have to kill her.
11:27Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have her own close encounter with the third kind.
11:31Oh, I'm sorry.
11:33I'm sorry.
11:33Kent.
11:34Sam.
11:34You two know each other?
11:36Sure.
11:37Not really.
11:39Ruth, this is Sam.
11:40Samantha, she bought some Pinot Noir for me.
11:42Sam, this is my wife, Ruth.
11:44Hi.
11:45Hi.
11:46Okay, we should be going.
11:48See ya.
11:50That afternoon was a first for Samantha.
11:52She successfully screwed a guy in under two minutes.
11:57The more Miranda analyzed, the worse her nightmares got.
12:00So, the four of us get into a cab.
12:03Only they won't let me sit in the back with them.
12:05They make me ride up front with the driver who happens to be the original Chris from the Partridge family.
12:09What I'm hearing is that you're still very upset about being sexually rejected by your friends.
12:14Let me ask you something.
12:17Would you do a threesome with me?
12:21I think we need to talk about why you're asking me that.
12:24I take that as a no?
12:28That night, I thought I could put the whole Barbara thing out of my mind.
12:32After all, Mr. Big was with me now.
12:36Nibbling his earlobes.
12:38How sweet.
12:39Let me show you how it's really done.
12:45So, I guess you couldn't avoid a threesome.
12:47Because even if you're the only person in the bed, someone has always been there before you.
12:52Hey.
12:53What just happened?
12:54Where did you go?
12:56I was preoccupied.
12:58No kidding.
12:59About what?
13:00Your ex-wife's breast, your ex-wife's lips, your ex-wife's long legs.
13:05I'm gonna call him.
13:07You know, I didn't tell you I was married because it was a long time ago.
13:12What happened?
13:14Alienation of affection followed by divorce.
13:19Let's not talk about the past.
13:21Please.
13:25What Mr. Big didn't realize was the past was sleeping right next to me.
13:34Hey.
13:34The next day, the flesh and blood Barbara asked me to lunch.
13:38Hi.
13:39Thanks for meeting me.
13:40Oh, thanks for inviting me.
13:43Wow.
13:44You changed your hair.
13:45Oh.
13:46Well, thanks.
13:48Listen, I have some not great news.
13:51I'm back with Mr. Big?
13:52The head guys didn't go for little Cathy.
13:54But fuck them.
13:55They would know a good book if it bit them in the ass.
13:57Yeah, fuck them.
13:59I still love the project.
14:00And at the risk of sounding like a groupie,
14:03I'd really like it if we could become friends.
14:06Friends?
14:08Two hours and four Chardonnays later, I was sleeping with the enemy.
14:12So never been married.
14:14Once. Long time ago.
14:15Really? What happened?
14:17He had a wandering eye.
14:19Wandered right over to my best friend.
14:22So what about you?
14:24Are you seeing anyone?
14:27No one special.
14:29For Samantha, the shit was about to hit the phone.
14:34Hello?
14:35It's over.
14:36I told my wife.
14:37Who is this?
14:38It's Ken.
14:40Wait.
14:41You told Ruth about us?
14:43I'm in love with you.
14:44Now we can be together.
14:45Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
14:48Hang on.
14:50Hello?
14:51Samantha?
14:52This is Ruth Shear.
14:53Ken's wife?
14:55Yeah, I found your number in his sock drawer.
14:57Hang on.
14:59Listen to me.
14:59You love your wife.
15:01No.
15:01I'm in love with you.
15:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:04Sam's no-muss, no-fuss affair was starting to feel very mussy.
15:08I'm back.
15:10I don't know who you are, but Ken and I love each other very much.
15:13Of course you do.
15:16And we have an unshakable bond, whatever it takes.
15:19I'm gonna keep this marriage together.
15:21Good for you.
15:22Now listen, Ruth, this was a huge mistake.
15:24It didn't mean anything.
15:25It was just sex.
15:27Well, exactly.
15:28And if being sexually adventuresome will keep this marriage together,
15:32then I am prepared to join you.
15:36With him.
15:37In bed.
15:40Oh, no.
15:41No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:44Samantha was a guest star.
15:46Series regular was not in her contract.
15:50That night at the Attention Deficit Disorder Masked Ball,
15:54Charlotte felt free to indulge her fantasy.
15:57It's amazing what some sequence on a stick can do to free up inhibitions.
16:01So, who here is your type?
16:12Do you like peacocks?
16:15Do you?
16:19Then Charlotte did the unthinkable.
16:26Oh, my God.
16:27Oh, my God.
16:28She winked at me.
16:29Excellent.
16:30I need to get out of here.
16:35Hey.
16:41You okay?
16:42Yeah.
16:43Yeah, I think so.
16:44So, how did it feel?
16:46Weird.
16:48Well, I enjoyed it.
16:51I do have another fantasy.
16:53What's that?
16:54Doing it upstairs at a party.
17:14Can I join you?
17:24Can I join you?
17:27Start with me.
17:36No, no, no.
17:41Well, no.
17:42Well, unfortunately it was Jack who plunged first.
17:45Apparently someone else's fire was a little stronger than Charlotte's.
17:48She was not the guest star in this fantasy.
18:00Meanwhile, in a bar downtown...
18:10Miranda?
18:11Hi.
18:13What a relief.
18:16Most of the women who answered our ad, well, they were, you know, kind of...
18:20But ugly.
18:21Oh, nothing like you.
18:24Thanks.
18:25We've never done anything like this before.
18:28It's a huge fantasy of Marx.
18:30I offered to do it for his 30th birthday.
18:33Whatever happened to giving a nice pen?
18:39Sorry, are you doing anything tonight?
18:42Let me just be clear here.
18:44You want to do a threesome with me?
18:48You know, if you're busy, we understand.
18:51I tell you what, let me just make a quick phone call.
18:54Okay?
19:06That night, Miranda finally got her validation.
19:10Her shrink has suggested she comes three times a week.
19:14I didn't see Mr. Big for eight days.
19:16Well, that was a great meal.
19:19Yeah, it was.
19:21Actually, the food was terrible, and we were both talking to each other like strangers.
19:25What is wrong?
19:27Look, you tell me you have an ex-wife.
19:29You tell me you guys had a three-way.
19:31Yes, I asked, but you dropped this big bomb, and you don't even give me any details.
19:35You don't even tell me why you broke up.
19:38I cheated on her.
19:40Yeah, I know. She told me at lunch.
19:41I know you know. She told me she told you.
19:43She told you?
19:44She told me.
19:45See, that's another thing. You didn't tell me that you're still talking to her.
19:48I still talk to all my ex-wives.
19:51I'm so not finding that funny.
19:53Oh, come...
19:54Listen, wait a minute.
19:56You know, the reason we had the threesome is because we were both looking for something or someone else.
20:02All the time, I've got any ways to make things...
20:09Do you know anyone who's right for me?
20:11What?
20:13How tricky things can be.
20:18But I really do believe that...
20:23And then it was just the two of us.
20:24And I realized the real appeal of the threesome.
20:27It was easy.
20:29It's intimacy.
20:29That's the bitch.
20:31Listen here.
20:33Something's coming to be.
20:42Try to...