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00:01Let's be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else.
00:07Like lottery winners, or extremely successful people who are 27.
00:12And then, there's that hell on earth that only your closest friends can inflict on you.
00:19The baby shower.
00:21You cannot drag me to that thing if you put a grappling hook in my mouth.
00:24Frankly, I think it's sad. The way she's using a child to validate her existence.
00:28Exactly. Why can't she just use sex in a nice cocktail like the rest of us?
00:32I'm happy for her. I am.
00:34If I see another crepe paper stork, I'm gonna rip its cardboard beak off.
00:38Can I ask you, would any baby shower bother you, or is this one worse because it's Lainey's?
00:50Lainey Berlin. You can't really describe her. You just had to know her.
00:55Chances are, eight years ago, you probably did.
01:00So, help me. She bucks on my couch, she buys it.
01:04Isn't that how you got the couch from me?
01:05Hey, Lainey! Show us your tits!
01:07Oh, give it a rest. You guys have seen enough of my tits!
01:11Oh, my God!
01:16Lainey did A&R for a record label, or as she used to call it, sex with an expense account.
01:21Every time she went on a scouting trip, she came back with some hot new group and a gynecological condition
01:26no one had ever heard of.
01:28Those things make so many public appearances, they need a booking agent.
01:35Look at her. The poster girl for low self-esteem.
01:39You know, I have low self-esteem, but I express it the healthy way, by eating a box of double
01:42stuffed Oreos.
01:43She's so sad.
01:46Take it off!
01:50Samantha and Lainey had a long-standing rivalry. Both wild, both sexy, both incredibly insecure.
01:58Two years ago, Lainey did the most shocking thing of all.
02:02She met a Wall Street investment banker, married him, and moved to Connecticut.
02:06That wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to have sex with Sid Vicious and move to heroin.
02:13Come on, you guys. It'll be fun. We've never even been a visitor in Connecticut.
02:17Exactly. There's a reason for that.
02:19Mime disease?
02:19That's another good one.
02:20But it's a baby shower.
02:22No, it's a cult.
02:23It's a cult? What are you talking about?
02:25Listen to me. They all think the same, dress the same, and sacrifice themselves to the same cause. Babies.
02:31She's insane.
02:32Hey, I've lost two sisters to the motherhood. I know what I'm talking about.
02:36I think we should go. It's the right thing to do.
02:38Give me one good reason.
02:40Okay. You're driving down the road. You see a sign. It says two-headed snake. You pull over.
02:46Wild Lainey is having a baby shower. You pull over.
02:49She's got a point. It's the right thing to do.
02:52Just imagine how fat she must be.
02:55As I penciled in the date, I noticed something missing.
02:59In between the Versace show and dinner at Moomba, there it wasn't.
03:04My period. Four days late.
03:07That Saturday, also known as seven days late, four city girls set off to visit the country mice.
03:13Are we there yet?
03:17I've already had two of these, so we're going to be stopping a lot.
03:21Hey, nice outfit. Is there going to be some belly dancing at the shower?
03:24Yeah, right after the gifts.
03:26Oh, shit. I totally spaced. I forgot to buy her a present.
03:30How tacky is it to give the mother to be a fistful of cash?
03:33Oh, don't worry about it. You can go in online.
03:36You bought a pregnant woman a bottle of scotch?
03:38The invitation said BYOB.
03:40That meant bring your own baby.
03:42Well, what did you get her?
03:44Condoms.
03:45Seriously, what did you get her?
03:47Seriously. They're pastel.
03:49Hey, guys. Wait, wait.
03:51Hey, guys. Wait for me.
03:53Oh, my gosh. Wait.
03:55Look at the size of that thing. You could drive that to Connecticut.
03:57I'm putting my name on that card.
03:59Alright.
04:00Bye.
04:01Go, go, go, go, go.
04:07Does anybody know how to drive?
04:14As I turned the mid-sized coupe onto Hollyhock Lane,
04:17I was struck by how a place so filled with nature could look so unnatural.
04:30Oh, Toto. I don't think we're in Manhattan anymore.
04:34Oh, our house is beautiful.
04:37Oh, and look at our dog.
04:39Hey, boy.
04:41Hey, boy. Come here, boy.
04:43Come here, boy.
04:48Why didn't he come?
04:50Invisible electric fencing.
04:51It's the lightest thing.
04:53It's the lightest thing.
04:53My sister has it.
04:54Okay.
04:56Ready, girls?
04:58Let's go.
05:04Oh, Charlotte, sweetie. Don't forget our cat.
05:17Oh, look at you. You're huge.
05:21I know. Isn't it great? I can eat anything I want.
05:23Jealous?
05:24Come on in. Come in.
05:25Hey.
05:28Bridget, Roxanne, these are my friends from the city.
05:30Hi.
05:31We didn't think you'd make it.
05:32Oh, we got lost.
05:33We took the wrong bridge.
05:35I don't remember that feeling like if you left Manhattan even for a second,
05:38you'd fall off the edge of the earth.
05:39Oh, my God, don't remind me.
05:41Hi.
05:42Oh, my God. It's the Bellini baby basket.
05:46Oh, fuck. Everybody, it's the Bellini baby basket.
05:50Speaking of bellinis.
05:52I'm going to have a big drink.
05:54Jealous?
05:57Is she still bar hopping and bed hopping?
06:00It's so sad, isn't it, when that's all you have?
06:04Okay, this is Rebecca.
06:06Susan.
06:08Hello.
06:09Mindy.
06:09Don't get up, sweetheart.
06:11She's doing this in vitro thing.
06:12She's not supposed to move at all.
06:15And that's Betsy and her boy Harry.
06:17They're inseparable.
06:18They do everything together.
06:19We call them our old married couple.
06:21Except it's not really that funny now that Betsy and her husband
06:23are getting divorced.
06:24I need you.
06:27So all I have to do to meet the ideal man is give birth to him.
06:32I love my son.
06:34Andy is 11 months old.
06:35He is a God, and I tell him so every day.
06:40Thirty years from now, what do you think the chances are that some woman is going to be
06:44able to make Andy happy?
06:46I'm going to go with zero.
06:48Oh.
06:51Oh, it's adorable.
06:54Look, that's Charlotte.
06:55Oh, I wish they'd made this in my size.
06:58I told you, it's a problem.
06:59We can't separate.
07:00Once they isolate you from the herd, it's all over.
07:03As I watched Lainey tear open a terrycloth baby bib with the same enthusiasm she once
07:07reserved for tearing off Rockstar's pants, I couldn't help but wonder, was I next?
07:16You know what, I have to pee.
07:18If you're not back in five minutes, I'm coming after you.
07:24The truth is, I needed to escape.
07:27The party had turned into a preview.
07:29A preview of a life I didn't know if I was ready for.
07:38Even seven months pregnant, Lainey couldn't keep her clothes on.
07:42Clearly, a part of the old Lainey had survived.
07:45But I wondered, what was still buried deep inside the mommies downstairs?
07:50Before I married my husband, I slept around with everybody.
07:53Now I have an internet lover.
07:56No one knows.
07:59When I was senior vice president, 212 people reported to me on a daily basis.
08:04Now I just yell at the gardener.
08:06Who doesn't understand a single word?
08:09I'm exactly the same.
08:11I love my life.
08:12But every now and then, I can't help but think about...
08:16Lisa.
08:18Sometimes, I climb up into the kids' treehouse.
08:21With my Walkman.
08:23Light up a joint.
08:25I listen to Peter Frampton.
08:41There's a woman in there breastfeeding a child who can chew steak.
08:44You know how I feel about that?
08:46If you can ask for it, you're probably too old to have it.
08:50Jeremy, no!
08:52I just realized, maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel,
09:00she's very misunderstood.
09:01I mean, the woman builds her dream house, and these brats come along and start eating it.
09:10I just have to tell you, your home is beautiful.
09:14I know it's a big change.
09:16But at some point, you have to get serious and settle down.
09:19I mean, life is not a Jacqueline Suzanne novel.
09:22Four friends looking for life and love in the big city.
09:27Stop it!
09:28You're not going to clean up at your own shower.
09:30Yeah, relax, because once little Todd or Shayla comes around, you'll never stop cleaning up.
09:35Shayla? Did you say Shayla?
09:36It's so unique, isn't it?
09:38It's so my name.
09:40I thought your name was Charlotte.
09:42No, it's not my name. It's my name.
09:44My secret baby name that I made up when I was 11 years old for my daughter when I had
09:48her.
09:49I told you, don't tell me you don't remember.
09:51No, I'm sorry. I really don't.
09:53A complete lie.
09:55She remembered. We all remembered.
09:57Charlotte had made us all swear never to use it.
10:00Anyway, I think my husband heard it somewhere else.
10:02Really? Where? Because I didn't tell him.
10:04I can't believe you're freaking out over a name.
10:07I mean, you're not even pregnant.
10:09That's not the point!
10:10What's going on?
10:11She stole my baby name.
10:13You bitch!
10:16Let's go.
10:23Beers and bar nuts at Flanagan's off Route 5 were the perfect antidote to Laney's house of humiliation.
10:29If I hadn't waited this long to have a baby, that name would be mine.
10:33Oh, Charlotte, come on. You're still young. You have plenty of time to have children.
10:37No. No, I don't. I don't want to be one of those 40-year-old moms.
10:42No, no offense.
10:43Well, I don't want to be one of them either.
10:45There are no frozen eggs in my freezer.
10:48Was the bathroom clean?
10:50What do you think?
10:52This is why I hate baby showers. Always leave feeling depressed.
10:56Patty, another round.
10:58Well, I, for one, love my life.
11:01And I will not be made to feel inadequate by all this baby talk.
11:05I spoke to a woman with a master's in finance.
11:07All she wanted to talk about was her diaper genie.
11:10Oh, come on, you guys. It doesn't have to be like that.
11:12You don't have to lose yourself to have a kid.
11:14I know plenty of cool, hip mothers who live in the city and who still have great careers and stuff.
11:21Who?
11:23I'm late. I missed my period.
11:25Patty, honey, where are those beards?
11:28How late?
11:30Just a few, seven days.
11:33Oh, honey, gray area.
11:35True. You're in front of the firing squad.
11:37But you haven't been shot.
11:39I was once ten days late.
11:41Really? Were you having sex?
11:44No.
11:47What are you going to do?
11:48Are you going to tell Mr. Big?
11:49No, I am not going to tell him until I know what I...
11:52Until I know how I...
11:54What?
11:56No, I am not going to tell him until I know how to finish the sentence.
12:05What did I miss?
12:06Nothing.
12:09That night, Charlotte got out her wish box where she kept reminders of all the things she hoped for in
12:14life.
12:15A gift for Shayla.
12:20A townhouse in the city.
12:21A beach house in East Hampton.
12:27Her dream man.
12:30Her dream man.
12:32Her backup dream man.
12:36It's very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes.
12:41Harry held hostage, day eight.
12:43Miranda and I went shopping.
12:45I'm on total ovary overload.
12:47Which kind do I get?
12:48Here. This one's on sale. Half off.
12:51Sweetie, I just spent $395 on a pair of open-toed Gucci's last week.
12:55This is not the place to be frugal.
12:57What about this one?
12:59Oh, first response. I remember first response.
13:01I had a very reassuring moment once with first response.
13:05Here's hoping.
13:09What if I am?
13:11If you am, you am.
13:13I don't think I'd be very good at this.
13:16I mean, am I maternal?
13:20Um...
13:20You know, when I was a little girl, I left my favorite baby doll out in the rain for four
13:23days.
13:24Her face peeled off. That can't be good.
13:26Yeah, but I mean if you...
13:27I shaved my Barbie's head when I was mad at her.
13:29When I was little, I took a rubber band and put it around my dog Pepper's snout.
13:34What?!
13:35Oh, God.
13:39Can you picture it? Us with...
13:41Kids?
13:44Babies.
13:44I'll probably end up with five.
13:47Five hours and two packs of gum later,
13:50I decided I couldn't take the test till I knew exactly how I felt about the results.
13:54Either way.
13:56PHONE RINGS
13:59PHONE RINGS
14:01PHONE RINGS
14:01Hello?
14:02It's Lainey.
14:02Oh, hi.
14:03I just want to tell you, it was so great to see you guys the other day.
14:06I know I was a big bitch, but you gotta know my hormones are going wild.
14:10The truth is, Lainey's hormones have been going wild since she was ten.
14:15And seeing you made me remember how much fun we used to have.
14:18Yeah, we did. It's amazing how much time has gone by.
14:20Tell me about it.
14:22But I miss us. I really do.
14:25We should get together more often.
14:26Mm-hmm.
14:29But I mean, we should get together, not just say we're going to, but really do it.
14:34Absolutely. Listen, I've gotta go. I'm running late.
14:36What are you up to?
14:37Um, actually, Samantha's having one of her parties.
14:39She is?
14:40Yeah.
14:41Oh, man.
14:42See, that's the kind of thing. I love Samantha's parties. Why didn't you tell me?
14:46Next time, I promise, alright?
14:48Okay, bye.
14:52Faced with her own inadequacy, Samantha did something only Samantha could do.
14:56She threw an I don't have a baby shower to let everyone know she was fabulous.
15:00Great to see you.
15:02Oh, I don't have a baby. Everybody drink.
15:06Are you having fun?
15:08Yes, I am, but not quite as much fun as Miranda.
15:10Still convinced that marriage plus baby equals death, Miranda chose life.
15:15Also known as Ed, Samantha's accountant.
15:18If she fucks on that couch, she buys it.
15:26Hey, you guys, the entertainment has arrived.
15:31What?
15:39I don't know, lady. You think that's a good idea?
15:41Fuck yeah. I'm due any day. What's one little drink in a matter?
15:44It'll help me go into labor.
15:48She gives birth on that couch. She buys it.
15:51What are you doing here?
15:52What is she doing here?
15:54I missed you guys.
15:54Of us? Us?
15:55The pathetic, live-for-the-moment New York single girls who think that life is a Jacqueline Suzanne novel?
16:00Look, I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but what is your problem?
16:03My problem? Just that I had a dream and you killed it in a nutshell.
16:07Really?
16:08Well, then you're lucky because at least you know what happened to your dream.
16:11I have absolutely no idea what happened to mine.
16:13Hi, Laney.
16:15I spent the next hour keeping Charlotte away from Laney and Laney away from the vodka.
16:20Well, well, well. Look who came up for air.
16:22He's a good kisser and he's going to do my taxes for free.
16:25Sorry.
16:26Hey, Karen.
16:27Hey, Jonathan.
16:28Listen, I've just been talking to your friend Charlotte. She's really great. Is she seeing anybody?
16:33Wide open. Just don't mention the name Shayla.
16:36Sorry?
16:37Nothing. It's a private joke.
16:39Go for it.
16:39And date.
16:41His name was Jonathan Bix.
16:43He was a trader at Bear Stearns and had just closed escrow on a house in the Hamptons.
16:48Charlotte suddenly realized all was not lost.
16:51As she sipped her beer, she mentally scotch-taped her dream house back together again.
16:58This party sucks.
17:00Laney, maybe we should think about getting you home, alright?
17:03No, I don't want to go back there.
17:08Hey, you fuckers! Who wants to see my tits?
17:12I'll take a look.
17:14Laney, Laney, come on. Come back. Don't do this.
17:16Relax! It's going to be fun!
17:18Alright, now we're going to have a party.
17:20Alright, pregnant lady showing her tits!
17:22Whoo!
17:26Oh my god.
17:27This is one so sad and the most fabulous validation I've ever gotten in my life.
17:42This is weird.
17:45I don't...
17:46I...
17:47I don't think I can do this.
17:50No biggie.
17:55Despite her best efforts to run free,
17:57it appeared that Laney Berlin's invisible electric fence stretched all the way to Manhattan.
18:04No, no. I know I can do it. Just give me one more chance.
18:07Laney, Laney, it's not who you are anymore.
18:09It's alright.
18:12But...
18:12I didn't know that was going to happen.
18:14Nobody told me that was going to happen.
18:16I mean, somebody shouldn't warn you.
18:20Alright.
18:23One day you're going to wake up and you're not going to recognize yourself.
18:34Can you take her to Connecticut?
18:45I spent the entire next day sitting on a park bench watching children play.
18:52If I had to, could I do this?
18:57Would I be any good?
19:00Would I somehow manage to stay me?
19:11Hello.
19:12Oh, why?
19:13Oh, sorry.
19:17That's okay.
19:18She's adorable.
19:19Yeah.
19:20Most of the time.
19:21You want to go home?
19:22Yeah.
19:23Yeah.
19:23Yeah.
19:24Bye.
19:24Bye-bye.
19:26Bye.
19:31On the way home, I got my period.