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00:01Two weeks ago, I had my picture taken.
00:12It was a promotional photo for my column, scheduled to run on the side of a bus.
00:18I had misgivings,
00:23which were somewhat mollified when they told me I could keep the dress.
00:31Friday night.
00:32In lieu of any actual social life of their own,
00:35Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte had all stopped by to live vicariously through my first official date with Mr. Big.
00:41Carrie!
00:45Oh, honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!
00:48It's tits on toast, baby, but you make it work.
00:51Well, let's just say it. It's the naked dress.
00:53I mean, you're obviously gonna have sex with them tonight.
00:56Come on, it's our first date.
00:57She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.
00:59That's right. I'm just the trailer.
01:01Please, if it happens, it happens.
01:03Wait a second.
01:05I thought you were serious about this guy. You can't sleep with him on the first date.
01:09Oh, God. Here she goes again with the rules.
01:11The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid.
01:14So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.
01:18But if you're serious about a guy, then you have to keep him in a holding pattern for at least
01:21five dates.
01:22Oh, you've gone up.
01:23Yes, because the number of dates that you wait to have sex with a man is directly proportional to your
01:29age.
01:29Forget the math. Just don't fuck on a first date. You're fine.
01:33Third date?
01:33Too soon.
01:34Reality check. A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first date as he
01:38can if you wait until the tenth.
01:40When have you ever been on a tenth date?
01:42And by then, at least you're emotionally involved.
01:44Exactly.
01:45I mean, isn't it better to find out if the sex is good right off the bat before anybody's feelings
01:48get hurt?
01:49But it's okay to have hurt feelings.
01:51And you always handle those so well.
01:52Well, there is something we said for restraint.
01:54When did you become such a Victorian?
01:56The Victorians were onto something. They valued romance.
01:59True romance cannot exist without good sex.
02:01And yet, you can have good sex with someone you don't like or respect. Or even remember.
02:08All right, well, ladies, I'm just going to dinner.
02:10Good night.
02:11Bye. Have fun.
02:14Bye.
02:19The truth is, I was dying to sleep with him.
02:21But isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?
02:33Interesting dress.
02:34Meaning?
02:36Interesting dress.
02:54Don't worry, I'm perfectly capable of restraining myself.
02:58So am I.
03:07I can't be hemmed in by rules. I go with my emotions.
03:11I mean, some of the greatest romances of all time began with sex on the first date.
03:15I bet.
03:18I will not be the first one to speak.
03:20And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly.
03:23As an asshole.
03:25Well, that was really...
03:28I mean, can you believe what...
03:38What do you think?
03:39What do you think?
03:40What?
03:41Ow!
03:42Ow!
03:44Uh...
03:45I thought it was pretty fucking great.
03:48Well, what do I know?
03:53Do you feel like having some sex with one?
03:56Hey!
03:56I'm going to go.
03:57I'm going to go.
03:58Good night, good night.
03:59Good night, good night.
04:02Good night.
04:02Had Mr. Big discovered my weakness for great sex and greasy Chinese?
04:06Or was going out to dinner simply a diversionary tactic to keep me from spending the night?
04:10Before I was able to completely indulge my paranoia, it was my pal Mike Singer.
04:16We've known each other for 10 years, but never had sex.
04:19Because we want to know each other for another 10 years.
04:21Hey!
04:24What are you doing here?
04:25Oh, I'm with, um...
04:27Oh!
04:27You look great.
04:31Not too naked?
04:33Just naked enough.
04:35Hmm.
04:39Hi, I'm Carrie Bradshaw.
04:41I'm an old friend of Mike's.
04:42I love you, Bialik.
04:43It's so nice to finally meet a friend.
04:44Let me call you.
04:47Okay, great.
04:48Well, have a good dinner.
04:50Nice to meet you.
04:52I left the table wondering why Mike didn't want to introduce me to his date.
04:56Deb Cross!
04:58Again, Deb Cross!
05:00That very same night, something absolutely amazing happened to Miranda.
05:04I'm really good now.
05:04Deb Cross, kick!
05:07Oh, my God.
05:08Oh, my God.
05:09I'm so sorry.
05:09I'm so sorry.
05:10She met someone in gym class.
05:12Are you...
05:13Oh, God.
05:14Are you sure you're okay?
05:15I'm fine.
05:17So what exactly about my head pissed you off?
05:20I wish there was something I could do.
05:23Well, you can buy me dinner sometime.
05:26And a CAT scan.
05:28His name was Ted Baker.
05:30He was 32 years old, a sports medicine doctor with an apartment overlooking the Natural History Museum.
05:35Three prior serious relationships, none resulting in marriage.
05:40Kissed to make it better.
05:44So, really, can I call you sometime?
05:48Sure.
05:52He left a message on my machine when I got home.
05:54He wants to go out this week.
05:56Hey, that's fantastic.
05:58No, it's too quick.
05:59I think maybe that kick in his head scrambled his brains.
06:01No, too quick is sleeping with him on the first date.
06:04That's too quick.
06:05You both got excited and you went for it.
06:07Stop blaming yourself.
06:08No, I don't blame myself.
06:09I blame the dress.
06:10The dress.
06:11The dress led me on.
06:12Had a life of its own.
06:14Oh, then we went to this Chinese restaurant afterwards and you'll never guess who I ran into.
06:17Oh.
06:18Mike Singer, out on a date.
06:19The whole world's in love.
06:20Oh, I'm not sure.
06:21I don't know.
06:21He was acting very weird like he didn't want me to meet her or something.
06:27What's her name?
06:28Her name was Libby Bialik.
06:29Mike told me everything that afternoon while I helped him pick out sheaths at Bed Bath & Beyond.
06:34So, how long have you been seeing her?
06:36A while.
06:38Is this a painful topic?
06:40No, it's just she's not someone I date openly.
06:43Why, is she married?
06:45Is she a cousin?
06:47No.
06:48Look, look, the thing is, she's smart, she's incredibly sweet, and sex is great.
06:56Well, she's just not the one I see myself with.
06:58Why not?
07:00It was about three months ago.
07:02Mike had been dumped by Fiona Brooks, a cellist for the Philharmonic, who he was trying to forget as quickly
07:07as possible.
07:09They had both loved to cook, and shopping for the week was a Saturday morning ritual.
07:13So, he was feeling particularly vulnerable when-
07:16Care to try some aged sheep's milk cheese from the Tyrolean Alps?
07:20Thanks.
07:26Mmm, it's good.
07:28It's made by monks.
07:30Really?
07:30Trappist monks.
07:34Fresh milk cheese from the Napa Valley.
07:39It's delicious.
07:42L'explorateur.
07:44It's a triple cream from France.
07:57Mike found himself very uninhibited.
08:01Since he didn't think Livy was that gorgeous, there wasn't any pressure.
08:06He didn't think he'd be the best.
08:07He didn't think he'd be the best.
08:08He didn't think he'd be the best.
08:14I'm a creative director of an ad agency, but...
08:17Eventually, I'd love to have my own shop.
08:20I'd love to have my own shop, too.
08:23Well, cheese shop, I mean.
08:26She was one of the only women he'd ever met who he felt he could just be with.
08:31So, what's the problem?
08:34Look, she's not beautiful.
08:37And we don't have a lot in common.
08:38I mean, you know, most of her friends are in Derry.
08:41But she's warm and unpretentious and...
08:45It was the best sex I've ever had in my life.
08:48What are you afraid of?
08:49What other people are gonna think?
08:51Look, all I know is that she's not the right woman for me in the larger sense.
08:54So, I keep her a secret.
08:58I couldn't decide whether Mike was being shallow or honest.
09:02But the question nagged me for days.
09:05How many of us out there are having great sex
09:08with people we're ashamed to introduce to our friends?
09:11If I ever had fabulous sex with someone I didn't want to admit to.
09:15Hmm. Hmm.
09:18Did I ever tell you about that jazz musician who lived with his mother in Queens?
09:22Yeah, Alex.
09:23What about the window washer?
09:24The one who doesn't wear any underwear?
09:26I met this gorgeous kid in spy bar last year.
09:29He was...
09:29He turned out to be in high school.
09:32Evidently, Samantha had had lots of sex.
09:35None of which was secret.
09:37Fine. It just proves that I'm not ashamed of anyone who I've slept with.
09:40Okay. Here it is.
09:43Here.
09:49Oh, you look...
09:51Naked.
09:53There it was.
09:54The dress that led me down the garden path with Mr. Big.
09:57You shouldn't be embarrassed.
09:59No! You look fabulous!
10:01Besides, there's no such thing as bad publicity.
10:03Yeah, you would say that. You're a publicist.
10:04You know, we need to go someplace absolutely fabulous where we can toast you where the bus goes by.
10:09And you can invite Mr. Big.
10:10No, no, no, I don't think so.
10:11I haven't heard from him since we spent the night together.
10:13Oh, sweetie, forget about him!
10:15You are gonna be...
10:21It's the best personal ad I've ever seen in my life.
10:24Samantha had a particular knack for turning a desperate situation into a hopeless one.
10:29Oh! Speaking of secret sex, did Charlotte ever tell you about the rabbi?
10:34The rabbi?
10:35Excuse me?
10:36You know who I'm talking about.
10:37I cannot believe that the two of you came down here to interrogate me at work.
10:40I'm sorry.
10:41It's my fault.
10:43Anyway, he wasn't a rabbi.
10:44He was a Hasidic folk artist from Brooklyn.
10:47Close enough!
10:51Evidently, Charlotte had seen Shmuel's work in an exhibition and scheduled an appointment to meet him at his studio.
10:57These are outstanding.
10:59So much life.
11:01You have a beautiful way of life.
11:11Now, this one is really special.
11:14That's my yeshiva.
11:17I wanted to capture the exuberance of youth.
11:20Charlotte quickly became intoxicated by his talent, his strangeness, and the smell of his wool.
11:27Magical.
11:34It was so sexy.
11:36So forbidden.
11:37Daddy's little Episcopalian princess in the arms of one of God's chosen people.
11:43Did you ever talk about art and sex and the Torah?
11:47Why didn't you introduce him to anybody?
11:49I was embarrassed.
11:51I mean, I couldn't really date him, and he couldn't date me.
11:54I mean, what would people think?
11:56Well, if the sex is good, who cares what anybody thinks?
11:58Now, you cannot put this in your column. Promise.
12:01I promise.
12:03Was secret sex the ultimate form of intimacy, since it existed in a pure state exempt from the judgment of
12:08the world?
12:09Or is it just another way in which we deny our feelings and emotionally compartmentalize our lives?
12:19Hello?
12:20Do you miss me yet?
12:22Who is this?
12:23How have you been?
12:25Oh, great.
12:28Fabulous. Fantastic. Actually, and you?
12:30Well, at the risk of sounding trite, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
12:37I adore trite.
12:41Listen, we should have a real first date.
12:44You know the traditional American time? Dinner and a movie?
12:48Of course, knowing us, we'll skip the movie.
12:50Just as long as we don't skip dinner.
12:53What a relief. I had just escaped the sex on the first date curse.
12:57Whew.
12:58That weekend, I was out with a man whose name I wanted to shout from the rooftops.
13:02Let me get this straight.
13:04Your picture is going to be on a bus.
13:07That's right.
13:09A crosstown bus or a downtown bus?
13:11The M2. It goes right down fifth.
13:14That's a good line.
13:15I'm getting together a group of my friends tomorrow afternoon to watch it go by.
13:19I thought maybe if you weren't doing anything...
13:22Hey, how are ya?
13:23Hey, hey, how are ya?
13:26Good to see ya.
13:26You remember Phyllis?
13:27Of course, Phyllis. How are you?
13:29Everything good?
13:30Yeah, everything's dandy.
13:32That's what I hear.
13:36So, uh, good to see you.
13:38Good to see you again.
13:39Good to see you.
13:39Bye-bye. Cheers.
13:44Who is that?
13:44No, it's just some guy skied with an Aspen.
13:47I didn't understand.
13:49Had I suddenly become the invisible woman?
13:51I tried not to let it bother me.
13:54I also tried not to let it bother me that he took me back to Fung Wa, scene of our
13:58post-coital dinner.
14:00Oh, I can't make your party tomorrow.
14:02Oh, no. I wanted to introduce you to some of my friends.
14:05Well, I'll be home later if you miss me.
14:08As I surveyed the room, I realized it smelled like a cheap date you don't want anyone to meet.
14:15I told Mr. Big I was on a deadline and I had to get home.
14:20Hello?
14:20Listen, I have a question.
14:22Of all the restaurants in Manhattan, why did you take Libby to Fung Wa?
14:26Well, it's pretty obscure.
14:28There's not much of a chance of running with anybody I know.
14:30So, you mean it's the kind of a place that men take women they don't want to be seen with
14:33in public?
14:33Yes, it is perfect for them.
14:36Oh, sorry.
14:36The evidence was mounting.
14:38Was it possible that I had become Mr. Big's secret sex girl?
14:42The next morning, Miranda discovered a shocking sex secret of her own.
14:47She had just spent a wonderful night with Ted, who had to leave early in the morning to catch a
14:51flight to D.C. for a spinal conference.
14:53I can go home. It's no big deal.
14:55Stay. 6 a.m.
14:59I'll be back tonight.
15:01Want to do something?
15:02I'd love to.
15:03I'll call you at work.
15:05Have a good flight.
15:13Miranda waited for the deadbolt to drop and then used the opportunity to ransack Ted's apartment and look for pictures
15:18of old girlfriends.
15:23She was not at all prepared for what she found.
15:32Yeah?
15:33Do you feel your cock where it wants to be every night?
15:37Every single night when you come home and everything's done in the house and I've been doing it all day.
15:42I don't know what to do.
15:44I can't admit to having found this, but now I don't know if I want to see him again.
15:48How can you judge him till you spank him?
15:51I'm only kidding.
15:52But, I mean, obviously this is what he's into.
15:55I don't know.
15:56Maybe it's just his fantasy life.
16:00Later that day, the cream of New York gathered to toast the maiden voyage of my bus.
16:05Is this Mr. Barry?
16:06Oh, he couldn't make it.
16:08What do you mean he couldn't make it?
16:09I don't know, it's a work thing.
16:10Oh, but this is your bus party.
16:12Oh, I told you you shouldn't have...
16:15Well, never mind.
16:16What, he's not here because I slept with him on the first date?
16:19Basically, yes.
16:20When you sleep with a man on the first date, the relationship will never be anything more than just sex.
16:26Cheers.
16:26I didn't want to admit that she was right.
16:28Ah, here it comes, here it comes.
16:30I just wanted to see my bus and get the hell out of there.
16:34Oh, shit.
16:35Carrie!
16:36Hi.
16:37Did I miss it?
16:38Hi.
16:38Not yet, no.
16:39Hey, I thought you were going to bring Lippie.
16:41Oh, yeah.
16:41I finally asked her to go in public.
16:43She turns me down.
16:44Why?
16:45She told me she met somebody else who doesn't have my problems with intimacy.
16:48Oh, I'm sorry.
16:50Oh, quiet.
16:51Here you come.
17:11Meanwhile, Miranda spent another wonderful evening with Ted,
17:14and began to re-evaluate her options.
17:17That was one of the most amazing meals I have ever had.
17:21My pleasure.
17:24You know, I missed you today.
17:27You did?
17:30I guess I've just been waiting all this time for good kicking ahead.
17:33And here, I thought that all you really wanted was a good spanking.
17:38Excuse me.
17:39You heard me.
17:42You heard me.
17:45Oh.
17:51Ted didn't take Miranda home that night.
17:53He never took her calls or returned her messages.
17:56And she never saw him at the gym again.
17:58And she never saw him at the gym again.
18:01Very late that night, fueled by a massive quantity of champagne, I decided to say goodbye to Mr. Big.
18:13I just came here to tell you that if you're embarrassed or ashamed to be involved with me in any
18:18way, that we can no longer see each other.
18:21The truth is, I blame myself.
18:23I wore the naked dress on our first date.
18:26I slept with him too fast.
18:28And now I'm on a Fifth Avenue bus with a penis on my head.
18:33What are you talking about?
18:34You won't introduce me to your friends.
18:36You bring me back to that restaurant where men take women they don't want to be seen with.
18:41You won't come out and meet my friends.
18:42You have me in a niche.
18:44Certain events, certain restaurants, certain people.
18:47Like I'm only a particular fragment of the kind of person you think that you should be dating.
18:55But I've only gotten to know a particular fragment, although I'm beginning to know more.
19:00No, this is not me.
19:01This is me reacting to your perception of me.
19:06Oh, okay.
19:11Well, I think feng hua's is the best Chinese food in the city, so that's why we went there.
19:18And the guy we met in the street, I couldn't remember his name, which possibly means I have Alzheimer's, so
19:25that's what that was about.
19:27And this afternoon I had courtside tickets to the Knicks.
19:34And that's all, folks.
19:36I should have been jumping for joy.
19:39But I only felt a hard nod of fear.
19:44So you and me?
19:47Then maybe this is for real?
19:53Could be.