Fresh off the heels of appearing in movies like Superhero Movie and The 40 Year-Old Virgin, fast-talking comedian Kevin Hart stars in his second live stand-up performance in Cleveland, Ohio, where he makes fun of everything and everybody - especially himself.
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00:00:37Yeah, Cleveland, what's up, Cleveland, how y'all feel, everybody good, y'all good, everybody
00:00:41straight, coldest shit out this bitch, ain't it, I don't like that, all this snow, I don't
00:00:48like that shit, y'all got that slushy shit, that slipping snow, hey, nigga, goddammit,
00:00:55the slush, the slush right there, watch the slush, I don't like that shit, y'all ain't
00:01:00supposed to have snow out here, good year for y'all though, right now got Friday to get
00:01:04started, shout out, hey Sugarfoot, how you doing, how you doing sweetie, get it out now
00:01:10before we get started, shout out to my man Shaq up front, showing love, the Cavs, my man
00:01:18LeBron in the house, shout out to y'all boy LeBron in the house, it's a good year for
00:01:25y'all, a good year for y'all, y'all might do it, y'all might do it, all right,
00:01:31look, y'all
00:01:31got me up here for a while, all right, in this time, about an hour, I'm gonna be up here
00:01:36about an hour, now in this time y'all gonna hear a lot of stuff, I'm not gonna lie to
00:01:39y'all,
00:01:40don't judge me, I don't want nobody judging me, I love to be honest when I'm on stage, man,
00:01:45I talk about things that I know, my family, my kids, love to talk about my babies, two
00:01:49babies, little boy, little girl, now, I used to talk about my son being a dumb baby, I used
00:01:53to, no I'm serious, I did, I thought my baby was a dumb baby, but now I've realized he's
00:01:58not dumb, he just does dumb shit, like I don't, I don't like the way my son throws his tantrums,
00:02:03you know, when a baby throw a tantrum, he's supposed to fall out, cry, roll on the ground,
00:02:07that's a tantrum, it's not a joke, this is for real, this is what my son does when he gets
00:02:10mad, I'm not lying, don't make me laugh, look, this is what he do, he go,
00:02:23it's the most retarded thing I've ever seen in my life, I can't say nothing, I gotta wait
00:02:27till he finished and explain to people what happened, he got an attitude because he can't
00:02:32get no candy, baby, it's weird, man, when he get mad, he gets in the oven, I swear to
00:02:39God, he gets in the oven, he get an attitude with me when I get him out, well, get your
00:02:44ass
00:02:44out the damn oven, all right, get your ass out the oven before I cut it on, and when
00:02:51I say that, he go, hot, hot, that thing hot, daddy, I love him to death though, man, two,
00:02:59little boy, little girl, now my daughter, my daughter's a different ball game, my daughter's
00:03:02spoiled, man, about to be five, spoiled, I'm not gonna lie, spoiler, that's what I'm supposed
00:03:06to do, she's at that age now that she knows, like, she know how to play me and her mom
00:03:11against
00:03:11each other, she know how to make us fight, here's how she got me in trouble the other
00:03:14day, right, she came in the room, she hit me with the saw for it, she was like, dad, can
00:03:18I have a cookie, I said, yeah, baby, come on, let's go get a cookie, I start walking towards
00:03:21the kitchen, out of nowhere, all I hear is, don't give her no goddamn cookie, scared the
00:03:28shit out of me, I'll stop, I didn't know what it was, I thought it was Jesus at first,
00:03:33I don't know, why can't she have a cookie, Jesus, what'd she do, see, but here's how smart
00:03:38she is, she knew how to get a reaction out of me, she looked at me, she said, dad, I
00:03:42thought she was the king in the house, when she said that, it set me off, it riled me
00:03:46up, so I snapped, I said, what the fuck you mean, she can't handle goddamn cooking, well,
00:03:51why'd you buy the cookies, if can't nobody eat a cookie, well, that makes you stupid
00:03:54for buying uneatable cookies, ain't nobody getting a cookie, I shut the whole cookie
00:03:57operation down, I grabbed the cookies, got my ladder, put them on top of the refrigerator,
00:04:01then I hid my ladder, it's not, it wasn't a big ladder, it was three steps, it's a ladder
00:04:07for thugs, pap, pap, pap, real quick, little, little thugs, right, this parenting thing
00:04:13is hard, man, you need patience, you gotta have a lot of patience to deal with these
00:04:16kids, I'm not gonna lie, I don't have a lot of patience, I'm learning, I'm trying, certain
00:04:21things make me mad, like, I don't, I don't like it when I tell my kids to do stuff, and
00:04:25they do exactly what I say, like, I want you to do what I say, but I want you to
00:04:29do it how
00:04:29I pictured you doing it, don't do it the way you want to do it, do it the way I
00:04:33saw you
00:04:34do it when I told you to do it, it might be confusing, but this is serious to me, the
00:04:38other day, my son, he souped up off candy, he running all over the house, I got mad, hey,
00:04:43that's it, come here, shut it down, go to bed, swear to God, this is what he did, this
00:04:47made me so mad, standing up, this is what he did, I said, go to bed, he said, oh, I
00:04:54was
00:04:54so mad, wake your damn ass up, you don't sleep standing up, not no vampire, I was mad because
00:05:04I didn't know how to explain why I was mad, you don't close your eyes till your brain tells
00:05:08your body to shut everything down, I got a lot of fears, man, I got a lot of fears as
00:05:17a parent, I'm gonna tell you guys one of my biggest fears, one of my biggest fears is
00:05:21my son growing up and being gay, that's a fear, keep in mind, I'm not homophobic, I have
00:05:26nothing against gay people, be happy, do what you want to do, but me being a heterosexual
00:05:30male, if I can prevent my son from being gay, I will, now, with that being said, I don't
00:05:35know if I handle my son's first gay moment correctly, like, every kid has a gay moment,
00:05:43okay, every kid, but when it happens, you gotta nip it in the bud, you gotta stop it right there,
00:05:46hey, stop, that's gay, quick, now, I don't know, I don't know if I handle my son's situation
00:05:56right, okay, he's at a birthday party, right, my son at a birthday party, he's playing, you
00:06:00know when kids play, they just play, you don't know what they're doing, but they're having
00:06:04a good time, they're just doing a bunch of stuff, right, they're moving around, I said,
00:06:08okay, he's good, I finished talking, I turned back around to check on my son again, a little
00:06:12boy was grinding on my son's ass, he was like this, I didn't know what to do, I panicked,
00:06:18I knocked them both in, hey, what's going on here, what kind of party is this, huh, what
00:06:25kind of party is this, what's going on here, this lady came out, she's like, what are you
00:06:30doing, they kids, let them play, I said, well, you show me another kid getting fucked in the
00:06:34ass, and I'll calm down, my son had on corduroys, that's why I had an attitude, because I didn't
00:06:40see it, I heard it, all I heard was, I said, what the, who the hell is playing cards, what
00:06:48is that, is somebody shuffling cards, they're too young for spades here, the thing that pissed
00:06:57me off, here's what pissed me off, man, I was eating a buffalo wing when it happened, I
00:07:02should have dropped the wing and ran over there, but I licked my fingers first, I didn't mean
00:07:07it, I said, hey, boy, the black in me came out, it's a lot of pressure dealing with kids,
00:07:15man, but I'm learning, here's one thing I've learned, here's why my patience is getting
00:07:18better, I've realized this, my kids are going to make mistakes, the reason why, when I was
00:07:23a kid, I made mistakes, I did a lot of stupid stuff as a child, my blood's in them, they're
00:07:27going to follow suit, with that being said, I don't get as mad as I used to, I'm calming
00:07:32down, my daughter cursed for the first time the other day, I didn't get mad, we was watching
00:07:35Spongebob, right, something happened to Patrick, out of nowhere, she got mad, she was like,
00:07:40shit, I said, wait, what, what'd you say, she's like, shit, they got Patrick, dad, you're not
00:07:46watching, I said, whoa, all right, here's why I didn't get an attitude, I'm going to tell
00:07:53you why I didn't get an attitude, okay, I didn't get an attitude because I remember my
00:07:56first time cussing, my first time cussing was because my mom smacked me in front of company,
00:08:01my friends was over at my house, I'm downstairs, we playing, we having a good time, my mom come
00:08:05downstairs, she said, hey, I told you to keep it down, you don't run this house, I do,
00:08:09okay, with that being said, that's it, you're done, go to bed, smack me, sit me up to my
00:08:15room, now, you know when you get smacked when you're a kid, you get hype, when you get by
00:08:20me, bitch, in front of my friends, I was emotional, I was an emotional-ass kid, I'm running away,
00:08:33that's it, I packed the bag and everything, you know how many times I packed the bag with
00:08:38a toy, I packed the bag with one toy, I'm out, I'm sick of it, me and He-Man are
00:08:44out.
00:08:48My mom gave me permission to cuss one time, one time she gave me permission to cuss.
00:08:54I'm in school, I'm being bad, my teacher got mad, said, Kevin, come here, told me to come
00:08:59to the front of the class, wrote a note, stapled the note to my chest, said, make sure your
00:09:03mother read the note, I get home, my mom read the note, the note said, maybe if you showed
00:09:07your son some more attention at home, he wouldn't act like a fool in school, right, my mom read
00:09:13the note, she said, let me tell you something, you tell her, mind her damn business, before
00:09:18I come down there and I beat her ass, I said, okay, do you want me to say it like
00:09:24that, or
00:09:24do you want me to take some stuff out, what I say, tell her, mind her damn business, before
00:09:30I come down there and I beat her ass, I said, no, I heard what you say, I just want
00:09:34to make
00:09:34sure that you know that you're telling me to say the same thing, Kevin, if I tell you
00:09:38again, I'm going to smack the shit at you, okay, nah, I got it, okay, I got it, I got
00:09:42it, okay, I got it, nah, I got it, all right, I got it, keep in mind, it's a lot
00:09:48of pressure,
00:09:48all right, my mom just gave me permission to go to school and cuss my teacher out, I didn't
00:09:52feel comfortable with the situation, so I wanted to practice, I wanted to go upstairs, I wanted
00:09:55to go over my lines, so, I'm in the mirror, I'm going over my lines, I'm
00:10:00like, okay, all right, okay, all right, okay, my mom told me to tell you, to mind your
00:10:08damn, nah, it's too loud, that's way too loud, that's not believable, it's too loud, finally,
00:10:14I go over it, I get it down, I'm like, you know what, I'm going to go to bed early,
00:10:17get
00:10:17some rest, because I got a big day ahead of me tomorrow, I don't, I don't want to mess
00:10:21this up, so, I go to bed, I wake up, get dressed, put on my pants, my shirt, I get
00:10:26on the school
00:10:27bus, all my friends see me, they get hyped, oh, Kev is on the bus, everybody look, Kev
00:10:33on the bus, what up, Kev, I was like, yo, not today, y'all, I got a lot of stuff
00:10:37on my
00:10:37mind, I can't really have y'all throwing me off, and my friend was like, what you talking
00:10:42about, I said, I can't really get into it, all I can tell y'all is that it's about to
00:10:45go down, he's like, what, I said, look, man, it's about to go down, just be behind me when
00:10:51I walk in class, he said, all right, cool, I walk in class, Miss Green, my teacher, she starts
00:10:56speaking to everybody, hello, good morning, good morning, hello, hello, good morning,
00:11:01she see me, she was like, Kevin, I said, Miss Green, she said, just let your mother read
00:11:07the note, I said, yes, I did, she said, well, what did your mother say, I took a deep breath,
00:11:13I looked at my friends, I was like, it's about to go down, I said, well, my mom told me
00:11:22to
00:11:22tell you to mind your damn motherfucking business, bitch, little stupid bitch, little dumb teacher
00:11:31bitch, two plus two not knowing what the fuck it is, bitch, cross-eyed crying down your
00:11:38back, fat footed ass bitch, long tittied, no nipple having ass bitch, the shit that was
00:11:45crazy, my friend was in the background, they was like, oh, he said, she ain't had no nipples,
00:11:56I got suspended, I got suspended, and an ass whooped, my mom beat the shit out of me when
00:12:02I got home, I told you to say two cuss words, you said 76 of them, I thought I was
00:12:08Samuel L.
00:12:09Jackson, I'm sick and tired of these motherfucking teachers in this motherfucking school, I had a
00:12:12trench coat on, I flapped it, fuck, fuck, you know, when you flap it, you got to get
00:12:17that air on you, fuck, fuck everybody in this bitch, I don't give a shit, you goddamn thug.
00:12:26You can't be but so hard on your kids, man, one of my friends got a teenage daughter, he
00:12:31too strict, I told him, I said, you got to relax, that girl gonna do what she want to do
00:12:35and you're not around anyway, relax, man, he said, Kev, let me tell you something, do what
00:12:39you want to do with your kids, don't tell me how to raise my kids, I said, you're right,
00:12:41I apologize, now, this isn't funny, but it made me laugh, okay, he goes through his daughter's
00:12:47phone, he found a picture of a little boy's thing on the phone, right, now, that's my friend,
00:12:53okay, tells me everything, it's not funny that he found a picture of a little boy's thing
00:12:57on the phone, it was funny the way he told me, because he confides in me, tells me everything,
00:13:02he comes on the tour bus, he mad as shit, he said, Kev, you ain't gonna believe this, I
00:13:05go through Tiffany's phone, I found a picture of a little boy's, uh, situation on the phone,
00:13:11I said, what, what, I found a picture of the hot dog without the bun on the phone,
00:13:18what are you talking, a tally knuckle, she had, it's a dick on the phone, she got a dick
00:13:23on the phone, I didn't know what to say, so I just kept repeating what he said, I said,
00:13:28so you telling me it's a dick on the phone, he said, it's a dick on the phone, I said,
00:13:31listen, right now, if I look at the phone, it's gonna be a dickhead, I said, well, what
00:13:35you gonna do, he said, what you think I'm gonna do, I'm about to go to the school, I said,
00:13:38well, why you going to the school, he said, why you think, I'm about to find out whose dick
00:13:42it was, that's why I'm going to the school, I said, yo, I don't think that's a good look,
00:13:46I don't, I don't think you should do that, I don't think you should go to the school with
00:13:49a picture of a little boy's dick in the phone, and try to match it up to other little boys,
00:13:54that, that's, that's a little pedophilist, don't you think, like, you'll, you'll be in jail
00:13:57before three o'clock, he said, well, what would you do,
00:14:01by far, the most difficult question I've ever been asked in my life, he said, what would
00:14:05you do, and I thought about it, I was like, I don't know, I don't know what I would do
00:14:07if I found a picture of a little boy's thing on my daughter's phone, I don't, I don't know
00:14:10what I would do, I'd probably punch her in the throat, I really don't, I don't know,
00:14:14because I got a son too, okay, now, if I found out that my son is pulling his thing out
00:14:17of
00:14:17school, when his mother's around, I'm gonna have an attitude, I'm gonna have a lot of stuff
00:14:20to say, really, really, dude, that, that's what you do in school, so, so, you don't need
00:14:28pants, because your dick is out, that, that's what you're telling me,
00:14:31as soon as his mom leave, hey, come here, what'd she say when she saw it,
00:14:35give me something, give me something, yes, hell yeah, sometimes you gotta put it on the
00:14:40table, son, let them see it, we small, but we big at the same time, let them know,
00:14:48I'm a different type of parent, I am a different type of parent, I'm not gonna lie, certain
00:14:54things I do differently, I don't like babysitting, I can admit that, I don't like watching my kids
00:14:59by myself, too much pressure, no man does, no man in this room is a good babysitter,
00:15:05I can tell you how every man in this room watches kids, this, all we do, we sit on the
00:15:09couch
00:15:09and listen for shit, that's how we watch our kids, kids do whatever they want when they
00:15:15with dad, hey, hey, I know y'all not in that toilet, y'all better not be in that toilet,
00:15:30we ain't gonna do nothing, I definitely don't watch, I definitely don't like watching other
00:15:38people's kids, it's too much pressure, there's nothing worse than watching somebody else baby
00:15:42and you give them their baby back in the condition that they didn't give you their baby in,
00:15:46like you ever have to explain something to somebody before they see their baby, hey,
00:15:49real quick before you look at your baby, let me ask you something,
00:15:52your baby had two eyes for sure, right, okay, so it happened here, long story short, gas went
00:16:00off in the kitchen, blew the back of your baby's face out, it was crazy, my baby knew what to
00:16:03do,
00:16:03he got in the oven, your baby just stood there, y'all don't run in your house,
00:16:07don't nobody run in your house, I had one little girl get hurt over my house, scariest thing ever,
00:16:14man, one little girl, right, my daughter got real big bunk beds, I'm in the living room,
00:16:19I'm watching TV, her and her friends, they in the room playing, out of nowhere,
00:16:23I hear a loud bang, bang, little girl start crying, ah, ah, listen, I come in the room,
00:16:31right, all the girls are standing around her, they all standing around her,
00:16:34and one girl is on her knee looking at her face to face, this is what almost made me laugh,
00:16:38when I came in the room, the girl looked at me, she's like, mm, mm, mm,
00:16:42but I can't laugh because I'm in daddy mode, I got to figure out what happened,
00:16:45so I go to my daughter, it's her room, she's responsible, I said, heaven, come here,
00:16:49come here, it's your room, you're responsible, what happened, it's very hard to take a kid out of play
00:16:56mode, like, when kids are playing, they don't know that shit just got real, like, they don't know,
00:17:02so in her mind, it's still a game, I said, what happened, this is what my daughter did,
00:17:05she said, ho, daddy, daddy, you ever see kids do that shake shit,
00:17:16what is wrong with, stop, stop shaking your face, stop, what happened, this is the story my baby
00:17:21told me, she said, we got monsters, daddy, there's a bunch of monsters in here, the prince came out,
00:17:26told us to get in the castle, the castle was at the top of the bunk bed, when we got
00:17:30up there,
00:17:30it was too many people in the castle, so, somebody had to go,
00:17:39we took a vote, she lost, I kicked her off, wait, what, what, I kicked her off, dad,
00:17:46it could have been anybody, my baby made an executive decision, I said, all right,
00:17:52she had to go, I get it, I understand, I'll tell you another fear of mine,
00:17:57here's another fear of mine, my biggest fear is getting knocked out in front of my babies,
00:18:04that's a fear, man, as a dad, what do you do, what do you do when your kids come get
00:18:09you,
00:18:09dad, they messing with me, who, them, as a dad, you gotta go whip whoever them ass is,
00:18:16that's your job as a dad, what do you do when you go down there and get your ass whipped,
00:18:20what do you say, what do you say to your kids, dad, they messing with me, who, them, stay right
00:18:26here,
00:18:26hey, motherfucker, come on, come on, let's go, these niggas are real, let's go, hurry up,
00:18:36give me a car, was that a kid, was that a kid, when we get home, I'm whipping your ass
00:18:44for putting
00:18:44me in that situation, I had nothing to do with that, I woke up this morning as a Christian,
00:18:51you don't do that to me, it's a different ball game,
00:19:02see me, I'm gonna be honest with you guys, man, I'm not that guy, I'm not a fighter, man,
00:19:07I'm not, I won't act like I am, I won't, see, too many bad things happen, I saw my dad
00:19:14get
00:19:14knocked out one time, I was 13, traumatized me, he's got hit my dad twice in the same spot,
00:19:20quick as hell, quickest two punches I've ever seen in my life, I've never seen a thing like it,
00:19:25hit my dad so fast, in the middle of the fight, my dad stopped fighting and asked me what happened,
00:19:29in the middle of the fight, in the middle of the fight, he's like, bop, bop, shit, hey,
00:19:32Kevin, hey, he just hit me twice, yes, yes, he did, are you sure it was him,
00:19:41it's only y'all two out here, dad, ain't nobody else out here with y'all,
00:19:44so you telling me he that fast, they not jumping me, ain't nobody jumping me,
00:19:48no, no, ain't nobody jumping you, it's just him, well, he must be an octopus, because I saw a lot
00:19:53and stuff going by my face, really, really, dad, an octopus, that's what you just thought,
00:20:01a human octopus, really, when my dad called another grown-ass man an octopus, that was the
00:20:06day that he stopped being my dad, I lost all respect, he didn't understand that though,
00:20:11he was still trying to discipline me around the house, Kevin, hey, didn't I tell you to get the
00:20:15trash out, get up, get the trash out, if I crack your damn face, shut up, shut up,
00:20:20you get the trash out, if I get Steve to come over here, put his damn hands on you again,
00:20:26oh, oh, oh, you gonna get Steve, huh, you are something else, you know that, you are something
00:20:33else, give me the trash, I'll take trash out, give me the trash, he didn't want to see Steve again,
00:20:39Steve beat the shit out of my dad, you ever see somebody lose a fight and talk like they won,
00:20:44that's my dad, like after he got knocked out, he's like, you good, are you good now, I said,
00:20:51dad, I don't think that's your lines, I think the winners say that, I think the guy who won say
00:20:55that, you just lay down for a second and let him finish this speech, I think you got up too
00:21:00fast
00:21:00anyway, you're gonna be dizzy, when I saw my dad getting knocked out and I saw my brother getting
00:21:08knocked out, you know what it made me think, it made me feel like as a family, we're not good
00:21:12at this particular activity, we're not fighters, we're readers, we're good readers in my family,
00:21:19see, here's why I don't fight, man, because you don't know what people are capable of now,
00:21:23too many people know too many different things, I'm serious, you know what I'm scared of,
00:21:27UFC fighters, you know why, because they're real, it is not a game, people, they are here,
00:21:34they exist, they know shit, touch your pressure point, shut your whole body down,
00:21:41it's a wrap, can't move none of that, fight back, I can't, everything is shut down, I don't know
00:21:47what he did, everything, I can't move anything, you know who gonna be the ones that get their asses
00:21:53whipped by these guys, thugs, I'm gonna tell you why, because thugs, y'all don't know how to just
00:21:58fight, man, thugs always gotta give you a speech before they fight, you ever see how long it take
00:22:01a thug to fight, gotta give you his whole background before we fight, it takes you long, yeah, real
00:22:07niggas, all day, just me, by myself, on the block, holding it down, gunning my waist, straight face,
00:22:15all day, not a game, in jail, by myself, one bed, no pillowcase, one pillow, didn't nobody write me,
00:22:23it was early, woke up, went back to sleep, took a nap, you ever go night-night, niggas,
00:22:27you ever go night-night, niggas, everybody go night-night, niggas, what, what does this have
00:22:35to do with the fight, are we fighting or not, you didn't write me, I don't know you, these
00:22:43guys are gonna be the ones, man, everybody can't be a thug, everybody cannot be a thug,
00:22:50man, I can't stand TV thugs, you know what a TV thug is, those guys gotta do what they see
00:22:55on TV, all day, every day, all day, every day, you ever see those guys, yeah, niggas,
00:22:59what, niggas, what, you ever seen, never seen the dancing thugs, get out the car, niggas,
00:23:03what, niggas, what, niggas, what, niggas, what, niggas, that ain't a game, you think it's
00:23:06a game around here, that ain't no game, I don't like those guys, I know real thugs, my uncle
00:23:13is a real thug, certified, put a stamp on him, locked up 15 years, got out of jail, ain't
00:23:21nothing change, very serious, like, listen, my uncle talk, this how he look, I don't
00:23:26care what he talking about, this how he look, I don't care what he's saying, put the goddamn
00:23:35jelly on the motherfucking sandwich, do it, spread it, he's crazy, he's crazy, he's institutionalized,
00:23:42man, you gotta understand, when you've been in jail for 15 years, all you know is jail,
00:23:49your mannerisms, your language, you eat, sleep, and think jail, okay, your threats aren't
00:23:55even the same, like, whenever you threaten somebody, they should know what's about to
00:23:59happen, it's a transition into a fight, I'm sick of your ass, get up, when they get up,
00:24:04they know it's gonna be a fight, stuff my uncle says leaves you in suspense, they're like the
00:24:10worst jail metaphors I've ever heard in my life, I don't even know how to explain them,
00:24:13okay, he gets out of jail, my brother called me, he said, Kev, Uncle Richard Jr. just got
00:24:17home, I said, what, I'm on the first flight, I'll be there in the morning, I ain't seen
00:24:19him in 15 years, I gotta see him, I get there, my uncle in the middle of the living room
00:24:23floor,
00:24:23I'm hyped to see him, I'm like, Uncle Richard Jr., what up, baby, 15 years, that's a long
00:24:27time, man, how you been, I swear to God, that's what he said to me, say it with your chest,
00:24:31little ass nigga.
00:24:43I didn't know what to say, my brother came out of nowhere and grabbed me, he was like,
00:24:46chill, he was saying this all day, we don't know what it means, just wait a minute till
00:24:49we figure it out, now here's the thing, right, I said, no, I'm not gonna chill, I'm gonna talk
00:24:54to him, y'all not talking to him, I pulled him to the side and said, look, a lot of
00:24:58stuff has
00:24:58changed since you've been going, man, I'm doing well, I'm making good money now, let
00:25:02me take you out, put you around some women, get some drinks, we'll have a good time, he
00:25:05said, alright, cool, I take him to a lounge, right, I'm at the bar, I'm drinking, there's
00:25:09women around me, I'm having a good time, I can't see him, but I can hear him, I can't
00:25:15see him, but I can hear him, out of nowhere, all I hear is, I'm sick of this motherfucker,
00:25:20man, cat, pin the tail on his ass, is it his birthday, why would I do that?
00:25:28Why would I do that?
00:25:29Why would I do that?
00:25:31What do you mean?
00:25:31Peel this motherfucker's muffin cat back blue.
00:25:36Is that a drink?
00:25:37That's probably a drink.
00:25:38Can I, can I get a peel his muffin cat back blue?
00:25:41Say it with your chest!
00:25:43Can I get a peel his muffin cat back blue?
00:25:46I didn't know what to do, I was confused.
00:25:51My family threw him on me, man, they threw him on me and said, Kev, look, you making money,
00:25:56give him a job, give him a second chance in life.
00:25:58I said, fine, you know what, I'ma let him train me, okay?
00:26:01I was about to go to Australia, I was gonna film a movie, I wanted to get a little bigger,
00:26:05so I'ma let him train me.
00:26:06Now, reason why, my uncle had that gel body.
00:26:09Up top, solid.
00:26:11Not a game.
00:26:12Rock hard.
00:26:13Didn't work on his legs that much.
00:26:17Sometimes you can see him struggling to keep the top half up, this nigga's legs.
00:26:25Looked like this nigga was tip drilling all the time.
00:26:30Nigga, what are you doing, huh?
00:26:31Why you keep shaking your ass?
00:26:32What are you doing?
00:26:34Relax your ass, man.
00:26:36I ain't shaking it, it's my legs.
00:26:41Now, for those people who do not understand the job of a personal trainer, I'll explain
00:26:45it to you.
00:26:46A personal trainer's job is to do what?
00:26:49Motivate your people, make you feel like you can do things you never thought you could
00:26:52do.
00:26:53Here's an example of a personal trainer's conversation.
00:26:56Come on, man, you can do it.
00:26:59Push it.
00:27:00You got it.
00:27:01Breathe.
00:27:02Three more.
00:27:04Last two.
00:27:05Get it up.
00:27:06Last one.
00:27:07Good set.
00:27:08Go wipe off.
00:27:09That's a trainer conversation.
00:27:12Once again, I didn't like the way that he talked to me, okay?
00:27:17We at the gym.
00:27:18I'm on the weight bench.
00:27:18I'm not gonna lie.
00:27:19I'm struggling.
00:27:19I couldn't get it.
00:27:20Ah.
00:27:21Mm.
00:27:22Ah.
00:27:24I couldn't get it.
00:27:25Out of nowhere, he came up behind me.
00:27:26He was like, close your mouth for somebody to come up, put their dick in it on the yard.
00:27:33What'd he say?
00:27:34What'd he just say?
00:27:36Somebody get the weights.
00:27:37Somebody get the weights.
00:27:37I just wanna ask him something.
00:27:38Somebody get the weights.
00:27:39Let me ask him something.
00:27:40Ah.
00:27:41Is it a dick out behind me for real?
00:27:42Or is he just joking?
00:27:43No, if it is, that's gotta change.
00:27:44Somebody's gotta put that up.
00:27:45Cause I'm not gonna work out.
00:27:46But that's gonna stay out.
00:27:47I pay my membership just like everybody else and I don't need to see that while I'm here.
00:27:51Fix it.
00:27:54That's when I stop messing with it.
00:27:56Hey, real quick.
00:27:57Uh.
00:27:57This is not a joke.
00:27:58I just honestly, I wanna know what you guys think.
00:28:00And be honest.
00:28:00You don't gotta lie.
00:28:01Okay?
00:28:01This is true.
00:28:02This is me being honest.
00:28:03I'm opening up to y'all for a second.
00:28:05Um.
00:28:05Does this make me gay?
00:28:06I was at the mall.
00:28:07Right?
00:28:09And uh.
00:28:09Some guy saw me.
00:28:10He was like, oh, Kev Hart.
00:28:11What up, man?
00:28:12Y'all, I'm a big fan.
00:28:13I love you, dude.
00:28:14Funny as hell.
00:28:14Keep doing you, man.
00:28:15Swear to God.
00:28:16Funny.
00:28:17Mm.
00:28:17And I caught it.
00:28:18Does that make me gay?
00:28:21Does that make me gay?
00:28:23Does it make me gay?
00:28:26I thought he was waving.
00:28:27Put yourself in my shoes.
00:28:28Okay?
00:28:28I thought he was waving.
00:28:29By the time I realized it wasn't a wave, it was too late.
00:28:31I said, hey, man.
00:28:31No, no, no.
00:28:32I got it.
00:28:32Too late.
00:28:32Okay.
00:28:33Um.
00:28:35It was weird.
00:28:36I was like, what do I do now?
00:28:36I just held it until he left.
00:28:38And then I sat it down.
00:28:39I didn't use it.
00:28:40I sat it down.
00:28:41Swear to God.
00:28:42I'll tell you the truth.
00:28:42I didn't use it.
00:28:43I didn't put it in my pocket.
00:28:45I just sat it down.
00:28:49I wanted to be like my uncle for a minute.
00:28:51I did.
00:28:52It's me being honest with you guys.
00:28:54The reason why, because my uncle got so much respect, man.
00:28:56People feared my uncle.
00:28:57I was like, I want that fear.
00:28:58Don't nobody fear me.
00:29:00People think I'm a bitch.
00:29:03They do.
00:29:03My lady think I'm a bitch.
00:29:04Call me a bitch all the time.
00:29:06You a bitch.
00:29:07Right to my face.
00:29:09This is my answer.
00:29:10So, now what?
00:29:11What happens now?
00:29:13Here's the thing.
00:29:14It's not that I'm a bitch.
00:29:14I'm just smart.
00:29:15I don't put myself in situations where I'm not going to win.
00:29:17That don't make me a bitch.
00:29:19Here's what really pisses me off.
00:29:21If I am a bitch, that's our business.
00:29:24Don't nobody know me.
00:29:25You don't know me, man.
00:29:26If me and you get into an argument, no matter what I say, no matter what it is, you got
00:29:30to believe me because you don't know what I'm capable of.
00:29:31Same thing vice versa.
00:29:32Only way you could tell that I was a bitch if somebody close to me said something to set
00:29:36an alarm off in your head.
00:29:37That's the type of shit she do.
00:29:39We at dinner, right?
00:29:40We at dinner.
00:29:40I'm a little drunk.
00:29:41I'm not going to lie.
00:29:42I get into an argument with this guy.
00:29:44Hit him with some thug shit.
00:29:45Say something else to me.
00:29:46I'm going to go to my car.
00:29:47I'm going to pop the chalk on your bitch ass.
00:29:50I'm going to go to my car, get a gun, come back, shoot this shit up.
00:29:53When I said it, she was like, what you going to get?
00:29:55The car seat?
00:29:56Bitch, what?
00:29:58Oh my God.
00:30:00Why would you say that out loud?
00:30:02Oh, way to go.
00:30:04Congratulations on messing this up for me.
00:30:06Congratulations.
00:30:10Women, y'all make me mad with that, man.
00:30:13I'm going to tell you what pisses me off, ladies.
00:30:14I hate the fact, women, that you cannot control your anger.
00:30:18I hate it.
00:30:19I really hate it.
00:30:20Like women, you need to learn to put a cap on your anger.
00:30:23You know what I mean when I say cap, sweetie?
00:30:25A cap.
00:30:26It means a point that you will never go above.
00:30:28That's a cap.
00:30:30Men, we have a cap.
00:30:32What's the worst thing you'll ever say to a woman?
00:30:34Shouldn't take that long, fellas.
00:30:35Bitch.
00:30:35There you go.
00:30:37Bitch.
00:30:37Come to different levels.
00:30:38Bitch.
00:30:39Hey, bitch.
00:30:40Bitch.
00:30:40Different levels.
00:30:43Different levels.
00:30:45Different levels.
00:30:46Women, y'all don't have a cap.
00:30:47Like y'all, y'all trying to cut so deep when you get mad.
00:30:51You want to mess with a man's pride, his goals.
00:30:53Y'all say stuff that ain't nobody's business.
00:30:55It's Christmas.
00:30:56My mother's here.
00:30:58You bring up personal stuff because you got an attitude.
00:31:00Yeah, whatever.
00:31:01Yeah, whatever.
00:31:02Whatever.
00:31:03Fuck you, pissing in the bed-ass, boy.
00:31:06Uh-huh.
00:31:07What now?
00:31:07That's right.
00:31:08Go upstairs.
00:31:09Flip the mattress.
00:31:10It's a big-ass piss stain on the other side because you do not control your bladder.
00:31:16Booyah!
00:31:16Right in front of your mouth.
00:31:18Now you got to sit there with the she-lying face.
00:31:20What?
00:31:23You're a liar.
00:31:24You're a liar.
00:31:26You're a liar.
00:31:28It's Mountain Dew.
00:31:29I didn't pee in anything.
00:31:33That's the difference.
00:31:35Ladies, y'all go too far, man.
00:31:37When y'all get mad, y'all see red.
00:31:39Y'all go to the point in overturn, man.
00:31:42Why do you grab the steering wheel while a man is driving?
00:31:45Why?
00:31:45Why?
00:31:46We both in the car.
00:31:48You're gonna kill us both.
00:31:50But you don't care because you see red.
00:31:52Fuck you!
00:31:53Woo!
00:31:55Kill us!
00:31:56Kill us, man!
00:31:57Hey!
00:31:58Hey!
00:31:59Hey!
00:32:00Kill your son, bitch.
00:32:01Ain't no kill us.
00:32:03Us ain't mad.
00:32:04You got an attitude.
00:32:07I know women.
00:32:10I can break women down, man.
00:32:12You know what?
00:32:13I'm gonna tell you guys something that you're not gonna like, but you need to hear it.
00:32:16You need to hear it.
00:32:17Not one woman in this room likes for her man to have a good time when she's not around.
00:32:22Not one.
00:32:24It's a true statement.
00:32:25I see some of y'all looking at me with an attitude.
00:32:28Some of y'all are giving me attitude.
00:32:29Not true.
00:32:30I don't care.
00:32:30Have fun.
00:32:31Shut up.
00:32:31Kill yourself.
00:32:32Let me tell you why.
00:32:33Listen.
00:32:34Let me tell you why I feel like this.
00:32:35Okay?
00:32:36I don't say anything that I cannot prove.
00:32:38That's your lady right there, right?
00:32:40If I'm wrong, sweetie, tell me I'm wrong.
00:32:41Okay?
00:32:42You ever been out with your boys?
00:32:44You with your boys.
00:32:45You ain't doing nothing wrong with you and your boys.
00:32:46Ain't no women around.
00:32:47You're having a good time with your boys.
00:32:50She call you while you out.
00:32:51When you pick up the phone, she hears fun in the background.
00:32:57That's why they get an attitude.
00:32:58Because she hear fun.
00:32:59Because you pick up the phone, having a good time.
00:33:03Hey.
00:33:03Hey, shut up, Steve.
00:33:05Hey.
00:33:05No, hey.
00:33:06I ain't going to take another shot.
00:33:07No.
00:33:08Hey.
00:33:08Hey.
00:33:09Hey.
00:33:13Yo.
00:33:14Yo.
00:33:15I swear to God.
00:33:15It was like the best night of my life.
00:33:17I swear to God.
00:33:18Hey.
00:33:18Hey.
00:33:20Hey.
00:33:20What's up, babe?
00:33:21You know what?
00:33:22Nothing.
00:33:22Do you.
00:33:23I don't got time for this.
00:33:25Do you, boo-boo.
00:33:26Do you, boo-boo.
00:33:28You know why?
00:33:29Cause I'm a dude, Nick.
00:33:31Do you, boo-boo?
00:33:33Do you?
00:33:35Every time I call, you're always laughing.
00:33:37What the fuck is so funny?
00:33:39You laughing at my stretch marks?
00:33:41What?
00:33:43Nobody knows you have stretch marks.
00:33:45Yeah!
00:33:46Y'all crazy, man.
00:33:49Y'all look crazy.
00:33:51I'm very serious, man.
00:33:53Y'all, I'll give it, I'll go a step further.
00:33:56For those people that are not believers yet, I'll go a step further.
00:33:59Fellas, you ever have a genuine laugh around your lady?
00:34:02I'm talking about to where your stomach hurt.
00:34:04You know, the good laughs, one of them, like.
00:34:08You ever look at your lady's face?
00:34:10You ever see how mad she get cause she not a part of the laugh?
00:34:13Look at her face.
00:34:14You think I'm lying?
00:34:21What the hell are you laughing at?
00:34:24I thought everything was cool.
00:34:25I didn't know that.
00:34:28I know what I'm talking about.
00:34:29Ladies, I know what you guys are thinking.
00:34:31You're like, whatever.
00:34:32Men, you do the same thing, too.
00:34:34Y'all get an attitude with us when we go out.
00:34:37I'll tell you something, ladies.
00:34:38We don't really give a fuck.
00:34:39Let me tell you why.
00:34:40Listen, okay?
00:34:41Listen.
00:34:42We don't.
00:34:43It's all an act, okay?
00:34:45If you guys can see how much fun we have
00:34:47when you leave the house and we're alone.
00:34:50There's so much fun stuff that happens.
00:34:52You'll never know about this stuff.
00:34:54It's just a good time.
00:34:56We gotta put on that show so you feel like we care.
00:34:59It's all a show.
00:35:00Babe, no.
00:35:02Come on, babe.
00:35:02Babe.
00:35:03Babe, please.
00:35:04Every night with them.
00:35:06Come on.
00:35:07Spend time with me.
00:35:08Your man.
00:35:09And the bitch is going, yeah.
00:35:10Yeah.
00:35:11Oh, oh.
00:35:12I'm by myself.
00:35:13What?
00:35:14I'm by myself.
00:35:15What I'm gonna do?
00:35:16What I'm gonna do?
00:35:17I'm gonna beat my dick.
00:35:18I'm gonna beat my dick.
00:35:19I'm gonna get it.
00:35:20I'm gonna get it.
00:35:21Where the laptop at?
00:35:22Where the laptop at?
00:35:23I'm gonna get it.
00:35:24I'm gonna get it.
00:35:25That's what we do.
00:35:28As soon as you leave, there's so much filth that goes down.
00:35:38If you don't believe me, if you don't believe me, ladies, next time you leave the house,
00:35:42come back in five minutes.
00:35:43Bet you catch me doing some nasty shit.
00:35:45Bet.
00:35:46Bet.
00:35:46Bet money.
00:35:47Bet money, you catch it.
00:35:48As soon as you leave out, you come back in.
00:35:49Hey!
00:35:49Hey, girl!
00:35:52I thought you said you was going to work.
00:35:54God damn it.
00:35:56You got somebody with you.
00:35:58There's somebody with you.
00:35:59Wait a minute.
00:36:00Let me clean up.
00:36:01Let me blow these candles out.
00:36:03God damn it.
00:36:05I thought it.
00:36:05I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
00:36:08Instead of an evening for myself, you gonna come back all fast.
00:36:11Why didn't you ring a bell?
00:36:12You don't ring bells?
00:36:13You just gonna use a key because you live here.
00:36:16You are something else.
00:36:19Something else.
00:36:22I know what I'm talking about.
00:36:26See, but ladies, I'm gonna be honest with you.
00:36:27I understand you guys.
00:36:29I really do.
00:36:30I understand you guys.
00:36:31Your biggest fear is not being fun.
00:36:35You don't ever want your man to think that you're not fun.
00:36:37That's why you're always looking for validation.
00:36:39Always.
00:36:40You always look for validation.
00:36:41Babe, I'm fun, right?
00:36:43Huh?
00:36:44Babe, look.
00:36:45Remember?
00:36:45Right?
00:36:46Remember that time?
00:36:47Remember?
00:36:48Jump shot.
00:36:48Remember I was like, ah, in your face?
00:36:50Ah.
00:36:52Michael Jones, ah.
00:36:53Remember?
00:36:53No?
00:36:55See, that's why men, we try to make you feel fun.
00:36:57That's why we listen to your stories.
00:36:58To be honest, I can't stand when women tell stories.
00:37:01I hate it.
00:37:02It makes my balls itch.
00:37:03I hate it.
00:37:04I swear to you, man.
00:37:06It's just a bunch of words with no plot, no middle, no ending.
00:37:11And it's always angry.
00:37:12Why are all your stories so angry?
00:37:14Everything about work is mean.
00:37:16How come nothing good ever happens at work?
00:37:19It's always bad.
00:37:20Babe, let me tell you about this bitch Sabrina at the office today.
00:37:23Okay?
00:37:24First of all, she comes in the office with white stockings on and black shoes.
00:37:27Uh, excuse me bitch, Labor Day is over.
00:37:30Huh?
00:37:31Excuse me.
00:37:32Boop.
00:37:32Uh, thank you.
00:37:33Backspace.
00:37:33Delete that.
00:37:34Uh-uh.
00:37:37Did y'all start talking about problems going on in the office?
00:37:39We don't fucking know.
00:37:41Let me tell you what she did, babe.
00:37:42She come to me talking about, uh, can you go print this out the fax machine?
00:37:45Uh, no.
00:37:45I am an executive administrative assistant, not your assistant.
00:37:49We gotta act like we know what's going on.
00:37:51What?
00:37:54She told you to print it out the fax machine.
00:37:56Uh-uh.
00:37:57No, she didn't.
00:37:59That bitch is crazy.
00:38:00Not my baby.
00:38:02Then y'all turn into the computers.
00:38:04I told the bitch, boop, backspace.
00:38:05No.
00:38:06L-O-L-R-T-O-F-M-A-O.
00:38:09Delete that.
00:38:10M-T-F-O-M-O-F-O-H-S.
00:38:15What the fuck did you just say?
00:38:17Get the fuck out of my face is what I said.
00:38:18We can't curse in the office, baby.
00:38:19Okay.
00:38:21I don't understand you guys.
00:38:23I love you, but I don't understand you.
00:38:26But as men, we have to.
00:38:27And I'm not gonna lie, we're not perfect.
00:38:29Men, we are not perfect.
00:38:30I know I'm not perfect.
00:38:32See, but the reason why we're not perfect, ladies, you got a little to do with that.
00:38:35You put men on too high of a pedestal.
00:38:38Whatever pedestal you have us on, take us off.
00:38:41It's too high.
00:38:41We're never gonna meet your expectations.
00:38:43Take us off.
00:38:44I'm serious.
00:38:45Here's the thing about men.
00:38:46Once you realize we do dumb shit, we're dumb sometimes.
00:38:51We're gonna fuck up.
00:38:53That's our nature as a man.
00:38:55Once you guys realize that, we'll get along so much better.
00:38:56If you don't believe me that men do dumb shit and don't realize it, listen to them.
00:39:00Listen to the answers we give you when we do dumb shit.
00:39:04You ever hear how dumb my answers are when we do dumb shit?
00:39:07So you just gonna sit down there at the pool with all them naked bitches?
00:39:09I thought it was cool.
00:39:10Anybody say nothing?
00:39:12I'm waiting on you.
00:39:14I'm waiting on you to come down.
00:39:16This right here is a national dumb nigga stance.
00:39:19Whenever your man, whenever he get bowlegged and touch his face, I'm waiting on everybody else.
00:39:24I'm thinking everybody gonna eat the chips.
00:39:27What?
00:39:29What are you talking about, man?
00:39:32I know I'm not perfect.
00:39:34I know I do dumb shit.
00:39:35I do.
00:39:36I can admit that.
00:39:38I've never done crazy stuff.
00:39:39Like, I ain't never put my hands on my lady.
00:39:41I ain't never went that far.
00:39:42I plucked her one time.
00:39:43I did do that.
00:39:44Right in the forehead.
00:39:45She was solid.
00:39:47It just jumped out my body.
00:39:48I don't know where it came from.
00:39:50She was driving.
00:39:50I was like, bitch, you think it's a game?
00:39:54You would've thought I hit her in the head with a bat.
00:39:56She was like, oh!
00:39:58I was scared.
00:39:59I thought I was going to jail.
00:40:00Hey, I'm sorry.
00:40:00Get your pluck back.
00:40:01Here, get it.
00:40:02Pluck me back.
00:40:03Let's be even.
00:40:05Pluck me back.
00:40:05I just want to be even.
00:40:07Please.
00:40:07Please.
00:40:08Can you please pluck me back?
00:40:13That's just me being honest.
00:40:15Certain things that I'm not good at.
00:40:17I'm not a good storm outer, people.
00:40:19I can admit that.
00:40:20For those who do not know what storming out is, that's when you leave the house angry.
00:40:23I'm sick of this.
00:40:25I'm gone.
00:40:25Slam the door.
00:40:26Boom!
00:40:27The purpose of storming out is to leave the illusion in your lady's head that you're never coming back.
00:40:31When you slam the door, she's supposed to break down.
00:40:33When you slam the door, she's supposed to break down.
00:40:34She's supposed to slam the door.
00:40:34I'm gone!
00:40:35Boom!
00:40:36She breaks down.
00:40:37This is my impression of women breaking down.
00:40:39No.
00:40:39Oh my God.
00:40:40No.
00:40:40Please.
00:40:41Don't.
00:40:42No.
00:40:42No.
00:40:43Don't do this to me.
00:40:44No.
00:40:44Every time I do this, you do this.
00:40:47No.
00:40:47No.
00:40:50I hate when women cry and try to talk.
00:40:53I can't stand that shit.
00:40:54I don't want to do that.
00:40:55I'm trying to do nothing.
00:41:01I look like the first slave to ever walk.
00:41:05I don't want to do nothing.
00:41:06I'm just trying to get it.
00:41:09It's too much.
00:41:11I'm going to tell you why I'm not a good storm outer.
00:41:13You know why?
00:41:14Because I forget stuff.
00:41:16You can't storm out and forget shit because then you got to go back and get the shit you
00:41:19forgot.
00:41:20You look stupid.
00:41:21Trust me, fellas.
00:41:22I know this from experience.
00:41:23You leave angry.
00:41:24I'm sick of this, man.
00:41:25I'm done.
00:41:26I don't care.
00:41:27I'm done.
00:41:27Forget you.
00:41:28Forget the house.
00:41:29I'm out.
00:41:29Boom.
00:41:30Give a shit, man.
00:41:31My keys.
00:41:32God damn it.
00:41:32My keys on the thing.
00:41:37Babe, let me get the keys off the top of the thing.
00:41:39I look the keys up on the top of the thing.
00:41:40Please.
00:41:42I need my keys.
00:41:43The reason why I need my keys is because I got to get in my car.
00:41:45When I get in my car, I cut the car on, step on the gas, make the tires burn out.
00:41:50The reason why I do that, women, you can't handle it.
00:41:53You break down after a while.
00:41:54Oh, my God.
00:41:55No.
00:41:55He's gonna kill himself.
00:41:57No.
00:41:57No.
00:41:58Don't do it.
00:41:59Do the speed limit.
00:41:59Please.
00:42:00No.
00:42:00Every time.
00:42:04That's my impression of women.
00:42:07Had to get out of there.
00:42:09Tell you another reason why I can't storm out of the house correctly.
00:42:12My son always wanna come.
00:42:16Can't storm out with a kid.
00:42:17It takes too long.
00:42:18Storm out's gotta be fast.
00:42:19In and out.
00:42:20Boom.
00:42:20Boom.
00:42:20Quick.
00:42:21My son be at the door.
00:42:23No.
00:42:23No.
00:42:24Stay with your mother.
00:42:26Boy.
00:42:27God damn it.
00:42:28Stay with your mother.
00:42:29This is when women try to use kids as ammunition.
00:42:33Look at you, you piece of shit.
00:42:35You can't even take your son with you.
00:42:36He wanna go with his dad, but you can't even take your son with you.
00:42:40Now I can't be a piece of shit.
00:42:41I gotta prove a point.
00:42:42I gotta take him.
00:42:43But I'm gonna tell you something, fellas.
00:42:44You look stupid when you try to keep your attitude and get a baby shit together.
00:42:48You look dumb.
00:42:50It's from experience.
00:42:51You look stupid.
00:42:51You know, I don't give a shit.
00:42:52I take it.
00:42:53Get the diaper bag.
00:42:54Put the sippy cup and shit in the bag.
00:42:56Put the change of clothes and shit in the bag.
00:42:57This is when I knew I looked stupid.
00:42:58When I did this for the diaper bag.
00:43:00Let me tell you something, bitch.
00:43:00If you think I give a fuck about you.
00:43:02Let me tell you something.
00:43:02You got another thing coming.
00:43:05It's okay.
00:43:05When I swung the diaper bag on my shoulder.
00:43:08Let me tell you something.
00:43:08You got another goddamn thing coming.
00:43:12If you think I give a fuck about you.
00:43:15It wasn't good, man.
00:43:18This is me speaking the truth.
00:43:20See, I can talk about relationships.
00:43:23Been in one for years.
00:43:24I know relationships.
00:43:25I see a lot of couples here together, man.
00:43:27You guys don't understand what you're in.
00:43:29You don't know how serious it is.
00:43:31I don't mind seeing couples.
00:43:32I don't like seeing new couples.
00:43:34I can't stand new love.
00:43:35I hate it.
00:43:36That's me being honest with you.
00:43:37It's too much.
00:43:38I don't like over love.
00:43:40You ever see those couples that go too far?
00:43:42That's too much.
00:43:43You ever see it like a couple that's in love.
00:43:46Like newly in love.
00:43:47Trying to share.
00:43:47You ever witnessed that?
00:43:49Hey, babe.
00:43:50Hey.
00:43:51Babe.
00:43:53Hey.
00:43:54Love butt.
00:43:55Hey.
00:43:56I got a little bit of juice left.
00:43:57You want some juice?
00:44:00Yeah?
00:44:00You want to take a sip?
00:44:01I'll take a sip.
00:44:01You take a sip.
00:44:02You want to do it like that?
00:44:03You want to go sip, sip, sip?
00:44:04Like that?
00:44:05Back and forth?
00:44:05Yeah?
00:44:06Go ahead.
00:44:06Take a sip.
00:44:08Give it to me.
00:44:10You do it.
00:44:11Go ahead.
00:44:14Same time.
00:44:14Do it.
00:44:15Your nose is in the way.
00:44:16Your nose is in the way.
00:44:17That, that, that, that.
00:44:18I love you.
00:44:19That, that, that, that, that.
00:44:20Too much.
00:44:21I fucking hate it.
00:44:22I like older couples.
00:44:24I like couples that got time in, man.
00:44:26You know why?
00:44:27Because I like to see those couples argue.
00:44:29Couples with time in, small problems become big problems.
00:44:33If you got time in, right now juice can become a problem.
00:44:38Let you go buy some juice and she with you while you buy the juice.
00:44:42You go outside, open the juice, she asks for a sip of your juice.
00:44:45Bet money you lose your mind over that sip of juice.
00:44:48Bet money you snap.
00:44:49Soon as you get outside, babe, let me get a sip.
00:44:51Uh, bitch, didn't you just see me buy the juice?
00:44:53You know what I'm saying?
00:44:55So you wanted some juice?
00:44:56Why do you ask no juice?
00:44:57Now you want to take a sip of my juice.
00:44:58Fuck around and take a double sip.
00:44:59I'm left with a little ass sip.
00:45:00Cause your overthirsty ass want to take a double sip.
00:45:02No!
00:45:03Get your own juice.
00:45:03Walk your fat ass inside, you sippin' juice bastard.
00:45:07You haven't even thinkin' about juice.
00:45:10That'll be on your mind all day.
00:45:12Seven hours later, you bring it back up.
00:45:14A sip of my goddamn juice.
00:45:16You are something else.
00:45:17You know that?
00:45:18You are something else.
00:45:20You wasn't even thinkin' about the juice.
00:45:24I got into an argument over mashed potatoes one time.
00:45:27We almost broke up.
00:45:29I'm very serious.
00:45:30You know what I don't play?
00:45:30I don't play that picking off my plate stuff, ladies.
00:45:33Don't pick off my plate.
00:45:34I'm very serious.
00:45:36I don't like it.
00:45:37In the beginning, men, we have to do it.
00:45:39The reason why we have to do it is because we're still trying to impress you.
00:45:42So we go overboard.
00:45:44Hey, you want a little piece?
00:45:45Yeah?
00:45:46Want me to cut it?
00:45:47Yeah.
00:45:48No, I'll cut it.
00:45:48I'll give you all this.
00:45:49I'll just leave this little piece for myself.
00:45:51Yeah.
00:45:52No, no, no.
00:45:52I probably should eat the whole thing, cause I'm a diabetic.
00:45:54But no, I just want you to be happy.
00:45:56Yeah.
00:45:57You should definitely drive home, cause I can't see.
00:45:59It's a little blurred.
00:45:59Whatever.
00:46:01We go overboard.
00:46:03I'm gonna tell you why I got mad, right?
00:46:04We're at a restaurant.
00:46:06Getting ready to eat dinner.
00:46:07Her food comes out before mine.
00:46:08She's like, babe, you want me to wait?
00:46:09I said, no.
00:46:10Eat your food.
00:46:10Mine's gonna be out.
00:46:11Don't worry about it.
00:46:12She's eating.
00:46:12I don't ask for any of her food.
00:46:14Enjoy your food, babe.
00:46:15My food comes out.
00:46:16He says, enjoy your meal.
00:46:18I said, thank you, sir.
00:46:18I take my napkin.
00:46:19Phah!
00:46:20Put it on my lap.
00:46:21The reason why I go phah!
00:46:22It's big to me, cause I'm small.
00:46:24It takes up a lot of space.
00:46:26So, I bow my head to say my grace.
00:46:27As I'm saying my grace, I hear a metal fork on my plate.
00:46:33Bitch, you can't wait till I'm done talking to Jesus before you goddamn touch my goddamn plate.
00:46:37You know how mad that shit made me?
00:46:38Take the goddamn food, man!
00:46:40I snap.
00:46:41I get mad fast.
00:46:43Little shit pisses me off.
00:46:45It takes a lot of patience, man.
00:46:47A whole lot of patience to be in a relationship.
00:46:48And I'm understanding that now.
00:46:50I'm understanding that in a relationship, things will change, people.
00:46:53Nothing stays great forever.
00:46:55Sex will change.
00:46:57In the beginning, it's amazing.
00:46:59You know why?
00:47:00Men, we're creative.
00:47:02We're spontaneous.
00:47:03We got a bunch of stuff we want you to do.
00:47:04Come on, babe, do this.
00:47:05Let's do this.
00:47:06Let's try this.
00:47:06We got a whole bunch of stuff.
00:47:07See, but after a while, fellas, we get repetitive.
00:47:10We start to do the same thing over and over again.
00:47:13Your lady will never tell you this, okay?
00:47:15You got to be a real man.
00:47:16You got to check your ego to figure this out.
00:47:18I'm going to tell you how you can tell if you've been doing the same stuff for years.
00:47:21She ever get into a position before you put her in it?
00:47:23Think about it.
00:47:26Just think about it for a second.
00:47:28That's how you can tell.
00:47:29That's how they mess with you.
00:47:30You be having sex.
00:47:31She's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
00:47:38You want me to turn over, right?
00:47:39I knew it.
00:47:40Same thing since 88.
00:47:41You ain't change.
00:47:43She start answering questions before you ask him.
00:47:45It's yours.
00:47:46I ain't say shit.
00:47:47You about to say the same thing every time my ass get up in the air.
00:47:50You're about to come.
00:47:51Watch.
00:47:52Here it come.
00:47:52You came.
00:47:53I told you.
00:47:54High five.
00:47:54But I tell you, I know my man.
00:47:55Give it to me.
00:47:56Up top.
00:47:57Your dumb ass get up dancing.
00:47:59You got damn right.
00:48:00Hey, I tore that thing up.
00:48:01No, you didn't.
00:48:02No, you didn't.
00:48:03The same dumb ass moves that you've been doing.
00:48:08I know I'm not good at sex anymore.
00:48:10I know it.
00:48:11Okay?
00:48:12There's no need for me to lie.
00:48:13We've been together too long.
00:48:15And I'm not gonna lie.
00:48:16I've tried to rekindle this flame.
00:48:17People, I have.
00:48:18I tried to spice it up.
00:48:20Tried having phone sex and stuff.
00:48:22But it's hard for me.
00:48:23Okay?
00:48:23I got too many people in my house.
00:48:25I got kids.
00:48:26I got a nanny.
00:48:26I got a call at the right time.
00:48:28I called one time.
00:48:29She picked up.
00:48:29I was like, babe, what you doing?
00:48:30She said, nothing.
00:48:31Laying down.
00:48:32I said, why don't you lick your finger and touch your nipple?
00:48:34She said, what?
00:48:35I said, shut up.
00:48:36Just do it.
00:48:38Out of nowhere, all I heard was, daddy, you want me to do mine too?
00:48:41Hello?
00:48:43Hello?
00:48:45Hello?
00:48:46Hello?
00:48:47Hello?
00:48:47Is that the baby on the phone?
00:48:49Well, what the hell is the baby going on the goddamn phone?
00:48:52When I came home, my daughter was like, daddy.
00:48:54Ah.
00:48:55Hey.
00:48:56No.
00:48:57No.
00:48:58Come here.
00:48:59That's gay.
00:48:59Come here.
00:49:00Let me tell you something.
00:49:02I didn't know what to do.
00:49:04I did not know what to do.
00:49:07It's a difficult time for me.
00:49:12I'm going to tell you something.
00:49:13I'm going to tell you where all of my sex advice comes from me and my grandpop.
00:49:18My grandpop gives me the best advice ever.
00:49:20I love my grandpop to death.
00:49:21I wish everybody could meet my grandpop.
00:49:22If you're lucky enough to have your grandparents in your life and you want to laugh, listen to
00:49:27me.
00:49:27Shout out to all y'all with grandparents.
00:49:30If you got a grandpop in your life, dude, and you want to laugh, ask your grandpop just
00:49:34to see what he say.
00:49:35Say, grandpa, when the last time you had some ass?
00:49:37Just to see.
00:49:38Just to see what he says.
00:49:39I promise you, it'll be the funniest shit you ever heard in your life.
00:49:44My grandpop never answered me.
00:49:46He just said a bunch of stuff.
00:49:47Like, this is not a joke.
00:49:48This is what he said.
00:49:49I said, grandpa, when the last time you had some ass?
00:49:50This is exactly what he said.
00:49:51He said, hey, hey, look at me.
00:49:53Okay?
00:49:53Hey.
00:49:54Hey.
00:49:56What'd I do?
00:49:56You know what I did.
00:49:57All right?
00:49:58Okay?
00:49:59Hey.
00:49:59Let me tell you something.
00:50:00I put that key in that door and locked that motherfucker, didn't I?
00:50:03Hey.
00:50:04Okay?
00:50:04Hey.
00:50:05Gave me that goddamn a womp womp.
00:50:06Yes, I did.
00:50:07Yes, I did.
00:50:08Look at my eyes.
00:50:09Roll them.
00:50:09Yep.
00:50:10What?
00:50:12What does any of that mean?
00:50:13What did you just say?
00:50:16What did you say, grandpa?
00:50:23I'm telling you, man, he's funny.
00:50:25Like, my grandpa's one of those old, like, down south old men.
00:50:30Like, my grandpa cussed, he pronounced every letter in the cuss word.
00:50:35Shit!
00:50:36Like, he's serious.
00:50:37He's serious old, man.
00:50:40Listen, let me tell you, this is what he does every day.
00:50:42Like, all my grandpa do every day, he's staying in the screen door and just complain and shit.
00:50:47He just fussed all day.
00:50:49Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look.
00:50:52Look, look, look, look, look.
00:50:53Look at this.
00:50:53Somebody come look at this.
00:50:54Look at this.
00:50:56Somebody come and look at this.
00:50:58Look at this.
00:51:00Goddamn cat drinking milk out the bowl.
00:51:03Get out the bowl!
00:51:05This is what makes me laugh.
00:51:07After he yelling something, he stared at it for a long time.
00:51:10Get out the bowl!
00:51:12Get out the bowl!
00:51:33He was asleep.
00:51:35He fell asleep.
00:51:37I wish y'all could see him.
00:51:40Kids be teasing him.
00:51:42Kids are mean, man.
00:51:44Why are kids so mean?
00:51:47Because they know he can't get out the screen door.
00:51:50So they tease him.
00:51:51They be coming up to the door.
00:51:54Shit.
00:51:55Y'all, he get so mad.
00:51:58Have y'all ever seen an old person get real pissed off?
00:52:02So they start making them noises.
00:52:06What?
00:52:07What'd he say?
00:52:09He's just angry.
00:52:10He's an angry old man.
00:52:14I saw my grandpa fall one time.
00:52:18Funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.
00:52:20It took my grandpa 47 seconds to fall.
00:52:24It took too long.
00:52:25It took way too long.
00:52:28It's funny, but it's not funny.
00:52:29I'm gonna show you exactly what I saw.
00:52:31This is how my grandpa fell.
00:52:33This is what I saw.
00:52:49I got tired of watching.
00:52:51I just kicked it.
00:52:51Stop.
00:52:52Let go.
00:52:52Stop it.
00:52:53Stop it.
00:52:54It could have been over.
00:52:55You haven't even got that far.
00:52:56Stop it.
00:52:58It's too much, grandpa.
00:53:06Watching people fall is funny.
00:53:08When the last time you really fell.
00:53:10Ho, ho, ho.
00:53:12Like one of those.
00:53:12Ho, no, no.
00:53:17Hey, Shaq, when you fall during the games, it's the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.
00:53:22Hey, you ever see his legs after he fall?
00:53:25Next time, look.
00:53:26I'm telling y'all.
00:53:27Next time y'all watch the game, he fall.
00:53:28This is exactly what you do.
00:53:29Look.
00:53:29It's always something stupid.
00:53:30Like, he go up to get a rebound.
00:53:31He don't get it.
00:53:32He go, oh, no.
00:53:50LeBron.
00:53:50This is LeBron.
00:53:51Look at her.
00:53:52Come on.
00:53:52God damn it, Shaq.
00:53:53Get your ass.
00:53:54Shit, man.
00:53:56Get up.
00:53:56I didn't know it.
00:53:57I didn't know it.
00:54:01Hey.
00:54:02Hey.
00:54:05Look.
00:54:06Okay.
00:54:06One more.
00:54:07One more.
00:54:08Shaq.
00:54:08This is how you fall frontwards.
00:54:10Hey, no.
00:54:10Oh, God.
00:54:11Please.
00:54:26Holy shit.
00:54:28Holy shit.
00:54:30Oh, I think y'all gotta look at the coach's face.
00:54:32Y'all don't watch the right shit, man.
00:54:36Look at the Shaq falling, Mr. Coach.
00:54:40Somebody help his ass up.
00:54:43LeBron.
00:54:43Get it up.
00:54:46Yeah.
00:54:52No.
00:54:53No.
00:54:53No.
00:54:54I pushed you too hard.
00:54:59I told y'all I was gonna fuck with you.
00:55:05I'm gonna tell y'all the fucked up part about that joke.
00:55:07I fucked my knee up just now.
00:55:08That shit hurt.
00:55:10That shit hurt so goddamn bad.
00:55:11I tried to run it off.
00:55:12Huh.
00:55:13No.
00:55:13That shit locked up on me, didn't it?
00:55:16That age is coming out.
00:55:17That shit hurt like hell.
00:55:20Oh.
00:55:21Talking about people falling.
00:55:23Tell you who else is funny to watch fall.
00:55:25Women, you don't fall.
00:55:26You buckle.
00:55:28I like watching you guys buckle.
00:55:29That heel.
00:55:30Fuck, fuck.
00:55:31I like that.
00:55:33That heel get a hold of y'all.
00:55:34Fuck, fuck.
00:55:35Real quick.
00:55:36Oh, that's the funniest shit ever to me.
00:55:38Cause y'all don't know how to play it off.
00:55:40Y'all don't know.
00:55:42They don't know what to do.
00:55:43So they try to stay regular.
00:55:44It's always on the cute night.
00:55:45No, girl.
00:55:46They talking about tonight.
00:55:47No, no.
00:55:47Bitch.
00:55:47Get.
00:55:49Please.
00:55:49Get the heel.
00:55:51No.
00:55:51It's slush.
00:55:52It's slushy.
00:55:53Get the heel back there.
00:55:55Please.
00:55:59Oh, y'all do.
00:56:00Oh, y'all do that shit.
00:56:02Oh, y'all do that shit.
00:56:02Oh, y'all do that shit where y'all miss a step.
00:56:04You ever see a girl miss a step?
00:56:06She don't fall down the steps.
00:56:08But y'all ride.
00:56:08No, no, no.
00:56:09Y'all do that right there?
00:56:10No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:56:13You ever notice there's always a pervert guy to catch you?
00:56:16No, no, no.
00:56:17I got you.
00:56:17Goddamn.
00:56:17I got you.
00:56:18Goddamn.
00:56:21You almost fell, didn't you?
00:56:23Yeah, I got you.
00:56:24No, no, no, no.
00:56:25I got you by your titties.
00:56:26That's what I caught you by your titties.
00:56:28Jesus.
00:56:30I've never seen anybody fall like that.
00:56:32That was good.
00:56:34I caught her right there.
00:56:35Did you see how I caught her?
00:56:36Her titty was in my hand.
00:56:42You know, I'm joking around.
00:56:43I'm making fun of people falling and old people and stuff, but I can do that, you know
00:56:47why?
00:56:47Because I have old people in my life that I'm close to.
00:56:50My role manager and I are very close.
00:56:52He's older.
00:56:54He's old.
00:56:55We fight a lot though.
00:56:56You know, it's kind of like a relationship.
00:56:57Been around me for years.
00:56:58He was with me before money even came into the picture.
00:57:00He's the one scrambling up for me.
00:57:01But when you're around somebody for so long, naturally you start to butt heads.
00:57:05Little shit annoy you.
00:57:06I don't like the way he sneezes.
00:57:08I don't like him.
00:57:10Like I swear to God, when he sneezes, it's like it's a close call.
00:57:13Like you think he's about to die.
00:57:16It's how he sneezes.
00:57:17I'm not bullshit.
00:57:17It's the scariest shit I've ever heard in my life.
00:57:27I've never seen nobody catch they breath from a sneeze.
00:57:32He's old though, man.
00:57:33He does so much shit to piss me off.
00:57:35Like I'm, one thing man, I don't like it when people are slow.
00:57:38He's very slow.
00:57:40When you get in the car, how long does it take you to pull off, man?
00:57:42When you get in the car?
00:57:43Couple seconds, right?
00:57:45Okay.
00:57:45Took him 25 minutes to pull off the other day.
00:57:48I'm just serious.
00:57:49I can't, I can't, I can't show you, I can't tell you I gotta show you.
00:57:53But don't make me laugh, okay?
00:57:55I'm gonna show you exactly what he did.
00:57:56Okay.
00:57:57I'm in the car.
00:57:58I'm in the passenger seat.
00:57:59I got my seatbelt on.
00:58:00I'm ready for him.
00:58:01All he gotta do is get in the car, pull off.
00:58:03I'm gonna show you exactly what he did.
00:58:04Don't make me laugh though.
00:58:05Come on, okay.
00:58:08All right, let's go.
00:58:11Yep.
00:58:12Okay.
00:58:35Okay.
00:58:36Yeah, I'm out.
00:58:42Yeah.
00:58:43Yeah.
00:58:44I 뒤에.
00:58:45Yeah.
00:58:51Yeah, yeah.
00:58:56Yeah.
00:58:57Right.
00:58:57Yeah.
00:58:57Yeah.
00:59:01Right there.
00:59:03Yeah, yeah.
00:59:26Oh, oh, oh, no, okay, hey, hey, hey, Kevin, hey, Kevin, hey, Kevin, hey,
00:59:34Kevin, hey, hey, hey, Kevin, look where they at.
00:59:51Now, I don't want to laugh, because I want to see what he's going to say about taking
00:59:54so long, right?
00:59:55I'm going to tell you, this is exactly what he did.
00:59:56I'm not bullshitting.
00:59:57Oh, God.
00:59:58All right, all right, let's go.
01:00:00All right.
01:00:01Got it.
01:00:03All right, got it.
01:00:09You ready?
01:00:09You ready to go on out of here?
01:00:11Yes, like, I'm waiting on you.
01:00:13Come on.
01:00:14This is the shit that pissed me off.
01:00:15He's like, all right, let's go.
01:00:17Got you, got you, got you.
01:00:20What the fuck is this?
01:00:23Why are you shooting at me?
01:00:24That shit made me so mad.
01:00:26What the fuck?
01:00:27Don't do that.
01:00:27Don't put your hands in my face, because you're being an asshole.
01:00:30Just drive, man.
01:00:31Don't say shit to me.
01:00:31Just drive the car.
01:00:33Now, that's the only time I've ever cussed at Nate.
01:00:34But he never got mad to the point where he cussed back.
01:00:36It's the first time he ever cussed back at me.
01:00:38But I can tell how old he was by the way he cussed at me.
01:00:41This is exactly what he said.
01:00:42He said, let me tell you something, sucker.
01:00:43Okay?
01:00:44Hey, listen, chat.
01:00:46You ain't nothing but a piece of cheese without the corners.
01:00:47In other words, you ain't never going to be a slice, bitch.
01:00:54What did you just say to me?
01:00:56I heard what the fuck I said.
01:00:57You know what I said.
01:00:58Now, here's the thing.
01:00:59I give Nate a lot of shit.
01:01:01I tease Nate a lot, okay?
01:01:03But at the end of the day, he's got my back.
01:01:05I know he does.
01:01:06Nate would take a bullet for me if he had to.
01:01:07How do I know this?
01:01:08Because it's been confirmed, all right?
01:01:10Nate, we was in Dallas, Texas, all right?
01:01:13Now, me, Nate, my boy Harry, Wayne, Spank, my lady was with me.
01:01:17We having a good time.
01:01:18We do a show.
01:01:19We at the after party.
01:01:20We getting it in.
01:01:21Mm, mm, getting money.
01:01:24Mm, mm, getting money.
01:01:26We getting it in, right?
01:01:27I look up.
01:01:28The owner of the club, he got my lady by the arm, her girlfriend by the other arm.
01:01:32He throwing them out the club.
01:01:33I saw it happen, but I acted like I didn't because I didn't want to be a part of it.
01:01:36I didn't want to be involved.
01:01:37So, my boy Wayne was like, yo, he got your girl by the arm.
01:01:39I said, what?
01:01:40Chill.
01:01:40Don't nobody do shit.
01:01:41I got it.
01:01:42I run up to him.
01:01:42I said, yo, don't put your hands on my lady, man.
01:01:44I pushed him.
01:01:45He didn't go back that far, but it was a good push for me.
01:01:48It was all I had.
01:01:49When I did it, he was like, security.
01:01:50Security guards came up, grabbed me, put me in a full Nelson.
01:01:53Now, you know how you think you're making somebody strong?
01:01:55Like, you know, you think you're giving them a hard way to go?
01:01:57I thought I was, but I wasn't.
01:01:58I was just moving my face.
01:02:00I was like, ha.
01:02:00Ha.
01:02:01Ha.
01:02:03So, now, in my mind, I'm like, where's Wayne at?
01:02:05That's my security guard.
01:02:07That's why I paid for shit like this not to happen.
01:02:09On cue, Wayne and my boy Spank come running up.
01:02:11They grabbed the security guards.
01:02:13They're like, get off him.
01:02:14Let him go.
01:02:14Get off him.
01:02:15Now, I hear him.
01:02:16Okay?
01:02:16I'm still in the full Nelson, but I hear my friends, so I feel better.
01:02:19I'm like, I know I'm safe now.
01:02:20But before they let me go, the owner, he mushes me.
01:02:23He puts his hand on my face.
01:02:24He said, I said, get the fuck out of here.
01:02:26And mush me.
01:02:27I never had nobody put their hand on my face, so I didn't know what to do.
01:02:30I didn't know how to get it off.
01:02:32I panicked.
01:02:34I panicked.
01:02:34I licked his palm.
01:02:35I was like, ah.
01:02:37Licked the shit out of his palm.
01:02:38Let's get your hands off my face.
01:02:41He was like, ah, ah.
01:02:43So, then they let me go.
01:02:45Now, I'm free.
01:02:45But I'm like, yo, I'm not leaving because I don't want him to think I'm a bitch.
01:02:48So, I run back up to him.
01:02:49I'm like, yo, man, don't put your hands on my face.
01:02:50You don't know me like that.
01:02:51As I'm talking to him, I'm like, oh, shit.
01:02:53He's in a fighting stance.
01:02:54Kev, he about to hit you.
01:02:56Protect yourself.
01:02:57Better yet, hit him first.
01:02:59I throw a punch.
01:03:00Punched him right in the face.
01:03:01Bam.
01:03:01Never hit nobody in the face before, so I was excited.
01:03:04I celebrated.
01:03:05I was like, yeah, bitch, you don't want it.
01:03:07Real niggas.
01:03:08All back.
01:03:09Deep block.
01:03:10All back.
01:03:11By myself.
01:03:12Gun on my waist.
01:03:13Smile on my face.
01:03:14In jail.
01:03:15One bed.
01:03:16One blanket.
01:03:17You want to go night-night niggas?
01:03:19You want to go night-night niggas?
01:03:22So now, he tries to tackle me.
01:03:24As I'm in my speech, he tackles me.
01:03:26I'm like, why would you tackle me?
01:03:27I'm small.
01:03:28I got low center of gravity.
01:03:29I get him off me.
01:03:30I start uppercutting him.
01:03:31Mm, mm, mm.
01:03:32Whipping his ass.
01:03:33He realized that he's losing.
01:03:34He tries to call his security guard back.
01:03:36He's like, Thomas.
01:03:37Thomas, come help.
01:03:38I look over.
01:03:39Wayne, my security guard.
01:03:41Wayne got a real big stomach.
01:03:42Wayne had Thomas on the wall.
01:03:44When I looked over, this is exactly what I saw.
01:03:46Wayne was like, what you doing?
01:03:47Where you going?
01:03:48No, shut up.
01:03:49No, what you doing?
01:03:50Where you going to go?
01:03:51What you doing?
01:03:52It didn't look good.
01:03:54I didn't know if he was helping me or helping himself.
01:03:57I never brought it back up.
01:03:58I didn't want to know.
01:03:59So now, reality has kicked in.
01:04:01I'm like, oh, shit.
01:04:02I'm in Dallas, Texas.
01:04:03If I get arrested out here, I'm not getting out of jail until like Tuesday.
01:04:06I'm like, yo, let's go.
01:04:07Get the car.
01:04:08Nate, get the car.
01:04:09Let's go.
01:04:10This is how I knew Nate was an OG.
01:04:12Nate got the car, put the car up on the curb, blocked the whole curb off, right?
01:04:16I've never seen Nate this hype in my life.
01:04:18He was hype as shit.
01:04:19He's like, hey, get Kev in the car.
01:04:22Hurry up, man.
01:04:23Hurry up for the cops coming.
01:04:24Somebody grab his head, put his head down so they don't see him.
01:04:27When he said that, I was like, oh, shit.
01:04:29Nate used to be a killer.
01:04:30How else would he know what to do in a situation like this?
01:04:33I was like, I don't even know who he is anymore.
01:04:35Then he snaps on me.
01:04:36He's like, I can't believe you, Kevin.
01:04:38You got a career.
01:04:39You doing television.
01:04:39You doing movies.
01:04:40You going to jeopardize that shit for a street fight.
01:04:43That's stupid.
01:04:43Let's go.
01:04:44Hurry up, man.
01:04:45Hurry up for the cops coming.
01:04:46We don't have time.
01:04:47Y'all want to do what y'all want to do.
01:04:49We got to get the hell out of here.
01:04:52We don't have this type of time.
01:05:00We never pulled off.
01:05:02We got locked up on the spot.
01:05:03Clearly, I love y'all.
01:05:04My name, Kev Clark.
01:05:27We got locked up on the spot.
01:05:51We got locked up.
01:06:20We got locked up.
01:06:54We got locked up.
01:06:56We got locked up.
01:06:59We got locked up.
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