Trevor Noah recounts his amusing travels around the world, from foreign national anthems to different cultural norms.
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#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #jokes #funny #trevornoah #trevornoahcomedy #trevornoahstandup
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00:00:20Detroit, give it up for Trevor Noah.
00:00:49What's going on, Detroit?
00:00:55Oh, how you doing tonight, everybody?
00:00:58How you doing?
00:00:59Welcome to the show.
00:01:00Thank you so much for coming out.
00:01:02Look at this.
00:01:03What a night.
00:01:04What a feeling.
00:01:05Here we are, Detroit, Michigan.
00:01:07We made it.
00:01:12I've really been enjoying it.
00:01:13I'm enjoying it everywhere, to be honest.
00:01:15I'm having more fun in my life now than I think I've ever had.
00:01:19I'm enjoying America more now than I've ever, ever enjoyed it.
00:01:26Every day.
00:01:28I don't even know, I don't even know what it is.
00:01:30I think, you know what, I think it's, you enjoy a place differently when it might be ending.
00:01:35You know, it just has like a, has like a different feeling to it.
00:01:39It's just like, hmm, what does that taste?
00:01:41The final season?
00:01:42Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
00:01:46Because you never know with America.
00:01:48You really never know.
00:01:50Every day is the best day and possibly the last day.
00:01:56I'm having, I'm having an amazing time.
00:01:58I truly am.
00:01:58This, this year was such a blessing because I got to travel around the world doing shows
00:02:03in places I'd never performed before.
00:02:05Places I've always wanted to do comedy.
00:02:06I've always wanted to try it out.
00:02:08You know, did shows in Berlin, Germany for the first time ever.
00:02:13That was, that was really amazing.
00:02:15I won't lie.
00:02:15People freaked me out.
00:02:16People freaked me out before I went there.
00:02:18Like, similar to Detroit, you know, when people are like, oh, watch out Detroit, watch out Detroit.
00:02:21You know, like, people were like that with Germany as well.
00:02:24Like, when I was going to Berlin, people were like, dude, Germany, do they laugh?
00:02:30Like, what do you mean?
00:02:31They're human beings.
00:02:32Like, I don't know, man, do they laugh?
00:02:35People got to me.
00:02:36There was a point when I was heading to Germany where I was like, maybe Germans just sit in the
00:02:40audience like,
00:02:40aha, yeah, yeah, yeah, aha, aha, that was a comedy show.
00:02:48But they don't.
00:02:48They laugh.
00:02:49They're actually great audiences.
00:02:52I had an amazing time in Berlin.
00:02:54It's, it's, it's a city that sneaks up on you because it's, it's, it's so culturally diverse.
00:03:00You know, it, it, it has a burgeoning art scene, you know, fantastic music.
00:03:06The history, the history in Berlin is, is, is truly deep and rich.
00:03:11You know, I, I, I, I love traveling and seeing places when, whenever I'm in certain cities.
00:03:16And in Berlin, I went out with like a tour, tour group.
00:03:21And I had a great time, but I wish someone had warned me how painful a lot of like Berlin's
00:03:26history is.
00:03:27All right.
00:03:27Because that was like, that was the, basically the headquarters of the Nazi party.
00:03:31So like everything ties back to Hitler.
00:03:33I didn't know this.
00:03:34I thought we're going on like a cute little tour.
00:03:36I ask a lot of questions.
00:03:38I'm curious.
00:03:39This brought the mood down.
00:03:44And we're out and about the tour guide was doing his stick.
00:03:47He was happy as well.
00:03:48He was like, ah, you know, here behind me, you can see, this is one of the largest airports that
00:03:53was ever built in the world.
00:03:55Yeah.
00:03:55It is a world famous airport here in Berlin.
00:03:58And it is so large that we were able, they filmed the Hollywood movie, the Hunger Games, inside this airport.
00:04:06Yeah.
00:04:07Any questions?
00:04:08And I was like, yeah, wow.
00:04:09How, how old is this thing?
00:04:10He's like, ah, this is almost 100 years old.
00:04:14I'm like, damn.
00:04:14And like, who built it?
00:04:21Yeah, that is the unfortunate part of the, of the story here.
00:04:27This airport was built by Hitler.
00:04:32I could see I'd mess things up.
00:04:34I, I tried to bring the mood up.
00:04:36I was like, which Hitler?
00:04:40He's like, which Hitler?
00:04:41Which other Hitler is there?
00:04:43I was like, could be Henry Hitler.
00:04:44Henry Hitler?
00:04:46Who the hell is Henry Hitler?
00:04:48I was like, you don't know Henry Hitler?
00:04:51It didn't work.
00:04:55Like, yo, man.
00:04:57It was tense, but it was good.
00:04:59And what I mean by good, is it was nice to be in a place where people don't bury their
00:05:06history.
00:05:07You know, and what, and what I, what I mean by that.
00:05:13What I mean by that is that, like, when you travel through Germany, even if you don't go to museums,
00:05:20you cannot escape the past of both Berlin and what Germany did.
00:05:26You know, there, there are monuments scattered throughout the city, prominent monuments.
00:05:32They're memorializing what Germany did to millions of Jewish people and millions of other people around the world.
00:05:37You see it.
00:05:38You understand it.
00:05:39They talk about it.
00:05:40You know, they teach their kids about it.
00:05:42They teach children in school.
00:05:44They're like, hey, this is what Germany did.
00:05:46They make sure they know.
00:05:47But they don't make them feel guilty about it, which is a pretty amazing balance for them to strike, you
00:05:53know.
00:05:53They'll say to the kids, they're like, hey, kids, I hope you understand.
00:05:57Germany did this.
00:05:59You're not responsible because you weren't there.
00:06:04However, because you're the future of Germany, it's your responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen again.
00:06:16You know, you know, you know what I loved about, about being in Germany when they, when they were talking
00:06:19about their histories, just, is, is how forthright they are about it, you know.
00:06:22They know it's painful.
00:06:24They know that, that it's a terrible blight on, on who they are, but they don't hide from it.
00:06:31Like, when I saw them doing this, I was like, man, I wish, I wish America did this with history.
00:06:35You know?
00:06:37Because you, you ever, you ever see how awkward it is speaking about history in America?
00:06:46It gets tense.
00:06:48It doesn't matter what history it is, it gets tense.
00:06:51You know, Columbus Day is one of those days.
00:06:54Every year in New York, there's a fight.
00:06:56Every year.
00:06:57Here in Detroit, there was a fight.
00:06:58Like, there was a, a bust of Christopher Columbus that was around for 110 years.
00:07:01At some point, half of Detroit was like, we need to get rid of it.
00:07:04The other half was like, no, don't get rid of it.
00:07:06It was a huge fight.
00:07:06New York, same thing, every year.
00:07:08Columbus Day, Indigenous Peoples Day.
00:07:10Columbus Day, Indigenous Peoples Day.
00:07:13Yeah, there was an interview on the news I saw once.
00:07:16It wasn't supposed to be funny, but I found it funny.
00:07:20The reporter went up to some guy and was like, sir, what are you going to be doing for Indigenous
00:07:23Peoples Day?
00:07:23And he was like, let me tell you something, it's Columbus Day.
00:07:26I'm sick and tired of people coming in and changing the name.
00:07:30We're proud of that day.
00:07:31It's Christopher Columbus.
00:07:32It's Columbus Day.
00:07:33It's not going to change.
00:07:34In fact, how would you feel if somebody came along, took something that's been around for a long time,
00:07:39and just decided to switch it and call it something else, huh?
00:07:44How would you feel?
00:07:49I was like, but ah, sir, isn't that the spirits of Columbus Day?
00:07:58I'll be honest, I'm not a big fan of Indigenous Peoples Day, the title.
00:08:02I don't like it.
00:08:03I think it's a cop-out.
00:08:04I don't think it's specific enough.
00:08:05It's lazy.
00:08:06You know, Indigenous Peoples Day.
00:08:07Which Indigenous Peoples, where, how, give me something, you know?
00:08:11You know what I liked about Columbus Day?
00:08:13Is that it was specific.
00:08:15Yeah.
00:08:16It was a specific, inspiring story of a man by the name Christopher Columbus,
00:08:24who believed against all odds that he could sail the wrong way around the world
00:08:32and get to India from the other side.
00:08:37Nobody believed in him.
00:08:38Yeah.
00:08:39He was like, I'm going to do this.
00:08:41They were like, you can't do it, Chris.
00:08:43And he was like, I'm going to do it.
00:08:44They're like, you can't do it, Chris.
00:08:45He's like, I'm going to do it.
00:08:46They're like, you can't do it, Chris.
00:08:48And he raised money.
00:08:50He fought for years.
00:08:51He finally got the ships.
00:08:52And he sailed the wrong way around the world.
00:08:54And he didn't do it.
00:09:02Not only did he not land on the other side of India,
00:09:05he found himself in a place called the Caribbean.
00:09:07And he was like, this is India.
00:09:12And the people there were like, I don't know if you've been eating some of the herb
00:09:15we've been leaving about, but this is totally not India.
00:09:19And they're like, this is India and you guys are Indians.
00:09:22They're like, brother, we are not Indians.
00:09:24He's like, I know Indians when I don't see them.
00:09:27You're Indians.
00:09:28You're just on the far side, so you're West Indians.
00:09:34And he stuck with it.
00:09:36Christopher Columbus stuck with it his entire life.
00:09:40Other explorers would come to him.
00:09:42They'd be like, yo, Chris, I don't think you made it to India.
00:09:45He's like, it's India.
00:09:47They're like, I don't think it's India.
00:09:49He's like, it's India.
00:09:50He died refusing to acknowledge the possibility that he never made it to India.
00:09:56Not only that, my friends, he never set foot in America.
00:10:01Ever.
00:10:03Ever.
00:10:04And yet, he had a public holiday named after him in America.
00:10:15That, my friends, is the inspiring story of how white men can fail up.
00:10:34You know how much confidence you have to have to pull that off?
00:10:37Nobody else.
00:10:38That is white man confidence.
00:10:40Nobody else possesses that level of confidence.
00:10:43Go the wrong way, end up in the wrong place, call the wrong people the wrong name and be like,
00:10:47I'm right, give me a holiday.
00:10:51No one else can do that.
00:10:52That is the level of confidence we should all aspire to.
00:10:56It's white man levels of confidence.
00:10:58Women couldn't pull that off.
00:10:59You think any woman should be like, I'm going to sail the wrong way around the earth.
00:11:01They'd be like, burn her, she's a witch.
00:11:07You think people of color could have pulled that off?
00:11:09You think black people could pull that off?
00:11:10Wow, really?
00:11:12Black people are going to sail around the world, wrong way around.
00:11:15Get to the place they're not supposed to be.
00:11:17Probably get arrested for trespassing.
00:11:20Be like, what are you doing here?
00:11:22Be like, man, my bad man.
00:11:23I thought I was getting to India, man.
00:11:25My bad, man.
00:11:25I apologize, man.
00:11:27I don't even know what I was thinking, man.
00:11:29You know what, man?
00:11:29We should have never messed with ships.
00:11:30It never turns out good, man.
00:11:32I apologize.
00:11:33I apologize, man.
00:11:35This won't happen again.
00:11:42Why would you want to bury your history?
00:11:45So much joy.
00:11:46There's so much to learn.
00:11:49It feels like America's moving in that direction.
00:11:52It wants less and less of its history.
00:11:54It wants less and less context.
00:11:56You look at what's happening with textbooks.
00:11:58Places like Florida.
00:11:59They want to ban textbooks or cut out the parts of the textbooks that have slavery in the books.
00:12:05And now parents are fighting.
00:12:06Parents are fighting.
00:12:07They're like, oh, no.
00:12:08No.
00:12:09Take the slavery out.
00:12:10It's making the kids feel bad.
00:12:12And now the parents are like, keep the slavery in.
00:12:13It's teaching the children.
00:12:15And these parents are fighting back and forth.
00:12:16I'm like, why?
00:12:18Why?
00:12:18You don't need to be fighting.
00:12:20No one should be fighting about this.
00:12:23Kids don't read textbooks.
00:12:32They watch TikTok.
00:12:35If you want to get to the kids, that's where you got to be.
00:12:37There was slavery.
00:12:39Ah, ships came.
00:12:40Yeah, big.
00:12:50I'll be honest.
00:12:51I don't think that textbook thing is like a real issue.
00:12:53I feel like it's one of those manufactured issues that often happens in America that gets people riled up and
00:13:00gets them fired up fighting about something that was never an issue to begin with.
00:13:06And the reason I say this is because that's honestly what I believe.
00:13:08I feel like in America, politicians have done a really good job of tricking Americans into fighting about issues that
00:13:16were never an issue to begin with, so that you don't pay attention to the issues that actually are.
00:13:28If they can get you fighting about what's in a textbook, you don't pay attention to the fact that inflation
00:13:33is out of control, you don't pay attention to the fact that rents are out of control, people cannot afford
00:13:38to live anywhere, your salaries have never kept up with inflation, corporations steal billions and billions of dollars from their
00:13:44employees with no ramifications.
00:13:45You don't pay attention to any of that, you pay attention to what's catchy, it's easy to keep up with,
00:13:51it keeps you going, you know, ooh, can trans people use public bathrooms, ooh, it's manufactured.
00:14:01Who was actually dealing with this issue?
00:14:03And I mean this, honestly, who was actually dealing with this issue?
00:14:06You know what they did?
00:14:07Some politician out there figured out, they go, here's a small story affecting a few people in a random place,
00:14:12I'm going to make it seem like this is a nationwide issue, and then everyone starts fighting about it.
00:14:15But who, who was really dealing with it, huh?
00:14:17Who of you here has ever been in a situation where you were in a bathroom and all the skirmish
00:14:22broke out and you heard people being like, excuse me, is this the gender that you were born with?
00:14:26Does it coincide with the sign on the door?
00:14:29Is your genitalia matching this?
00:14:31Can I see it right now?
00:14:32Who, who, who's, who's ever seen that?
00:14:35Nobody.
00:14:38Nobody.
00:14:41But they make us fight about it because it's catchy.
00:14:44Who can use which bathroom?
00:14:46Who cares?
00:14:47Who cares?
00:14:48I, like, I mean, who cares?
00:14:49I know someone will be like, oh, but trans people care?
00:14:51They want to know if they can use a public bathroom.
00:14:53Yeah, use whichever bathroom you want.
00:14:55Who's going to stop you?
00:14:57No, seriously, it's a public toilet.
00:15:00Who is going to stop you?
00:15:03You tell me who's going to enforce that law.
00:15:06We can't even enforce the idea that people should shit into the toilet.
00:15:13But you think magically they're going to figure out if you were born this way?
00:15:19Use whichever one you want.
00:15:20Why are we wasting our time?
00:15:23Other people are like, oh, we're going to fight because you've got to know who's using it.
00:15:27Let me tell you something.
00:15:28If you are spending enough time to know the genitalia of the other people in a public bathroom,
00:15:33you're the creep.
00:15:37I'm worried about you.
00:15:42There is a simple rule to every public toilet around the world,
00:15:45and that rule is you get in, you pay no attention to anyone else,
00:15:48you hold your breath, and you get out.
00:15:52I'm standing around staring at other people.
00:15:54Like every man in this room knows, when we use the toilet, what do we do?
00:15:57We get in.
00:15:57Public toilet, you stare dead ahead.
00:15:59You pee, you do your thing.
00:16:00You do not look to either side.
00:16:02If you're fidgety, you look up, you look down.
00:16:04You do not look at anyone else.
00:16:06The guy next to you could start choking.
00:16:07You don't turn your head.
00:16:08You don't shake.
00:16:09You don't move.
00:16:10You'll be, you'll hear him like,
00:16:13You'll be like, hey man, hey.
00:16:15Hey, hey, you all right?
00:16:17Yo, yo.
00:16:18Hey man, you okay?
00:16:20Yo, yo, you want me to call?
00:16:21Hey man, are you okay?
00:16:23Yo, you want me to call?
00:16:24Don't look at me!
00:16:30What are we doing?
00:16:32What are we fighting about?
00:16:35Public bathrooms.
00:16:37Public bathrooms.
00:16:37And if you know your history, you'll know this happens all the time in America.
00:16:41It happens over and over and over again.
00:16:44There was a time when women had to fight to use public bathrooms in America.
00:16:48Imagine that.
00:16:49There was literally a time when women weren't allowed to use public bathrooms all across America
00:16:53and they had to fight.
00:16:54And there were men who were angry.
00:16:56They were like, this is crazy.
00:16:57You're going to have women in public bathrooms?
00:17:00That's insane.
00:17:02How does it work?
00:17:04Huh?
00:17:04What?
00:17:05They're going to come in there while we're peeing?
00:17:07And then what?
00:17:08They're going to look at our wieners?
00:17:10Huh?
00:17:10And they're going to laugh?
00:17:12Huh?
00:17:16Think about this, ladies.
00:17:17There was a time when women were first allowed to step into the workplace where there were
00:17:24no public bathrooms that they could use.
00:17:26So, ladies, if you were out and about back then, you needed to pee, you needed to poo,
00:17:30you had to go home.
00:17:31Yeah.
00:17:32And I say poo theoretically.
00:17:33I don't know if you actually do.
00:17:36No, I don't think any guy does.
00:17:37Let's be honest.
00:17:38We don't.
00:17:39Like, we assume this on a biological level, but I don't know for certain that any woman
00:17:45actually...
00:17:46In fact, any man in here, I don't...
00:17:47Like, think of any woman in your life.
00:17:49Do you know the last time she pooed?
00:17:50I don't think you know.
00:17:52I don't think you know.
00:17:53There is no forensic evidence to back up that claim.
00:17:56There is no smell.
00:17:58There is no stain.
00:18:00There is no nothing.
00:18:01And ladies, I don't know who's doing your bathroom PR, but they are doing a stellar job.
00:18:06Stellar job.
00:18:08Women go to the bathroom.
00:18:09Smells better when they come out of it.
00:18:11How?
00:18:13You never know when a...
00:18:14You never know when a lady is pooing.
00:18:16Never.
00:18:17Because also, women keep the same amount of time.
00:18:19That's the most impressive thing.
00:18:20You give nothing away.
00:18:22Yeah, a woman is going to go pee.
00:18:23It takes 10 minutes.
00:18:24She goes to the bathroom.
00:18:26All right.
00:18:26Gets there.
00:18:27Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle.
00:18:28Comes out.
00:18:29Washes her hands.
00:18:30Powdered her face.
00:18:31You know, text on the phone a bit.
00:18:32Comes back to the table.
00:18:33You have no clue.
00:18:34Yeah.
00:18:35She's going to go poo.
00:18:35Same thing.
00:18:3610 minutes.
00:18:37Goes to the bathroom.
00:18:38There's a thing.
00:18:39Pellets, pellets, pellets.
00:18:40Comes back out.
00:18:40Wash her hands.
00:18:41Cut out of the nose.
00:18:42Text her friends.
00:18:43Get back out there.
00:18:45You have no clue.
00:18:47With men, you know exactly what we're doing.
00:18:51Discretion is not our forte.
00:18:54You know when every single man is going to go pee.
00:18:57Why?
00:18:57Two minutes.
00:18:59Off to the bathroom.
00:19:00We're in there.
00:19:01Quickest thing ever.
00:19:02It's like a NASCAR pit stop.
00:19:04Yeah, we get in.
00:19:05We pee.
00:19:06We come back out.
00:19:07Act like we're washing our hands.
00:19:08And we're back.
00:19:13How do you know when we're going to take a dump?
00:19:15Because it's obvious.
00:19:16We go to the bathroom.
00:19:17Never come back.
00:19:19That's the last time you'll ever see us.
00:19:22Your family's putting up wanted posters in the restaurant.
00:19:25Have you seen this man?
00:19:30Imagine.
00:19:31People were fighting about bathrooms.
00:19:32This is every time in America.
00:19:34Every time.
00:19:34There was a time when black people had to fight to use public bathrooms.
00:19:38Huh?
00:19:39Same thing.
00:19:40Black people were like,
00:19:41Why can we not use public bathrooms?
00:19:44And again, people were angry.
00:19:46This is crazy.
00:19:47You're going to have black people in the public bathroom?
00:19:51How does that even work?
00:19:52Huh?
00:19:53So what?
00:19:53They're going to be standing there while I'm peeing?
00:19:56Huh?
00:19:56Huh?
00:19:57And they're going to be looking at my wiener?
00:19:58Huh?
00:19:59And they're going to laugh?
00:20:00Huh?
00:20:01Huh?
00:20:02Huh?
00:20:02Huh?
00:20:03Huh?
00:20:07You know, I'm old enough to remember when there was a discussion in America about whether
00:20:13gay people could use public bathrooms.
00:20:15This was an actual topic of discussion.
00:20:18I remember seeing people on the news being interviewed.
00:20:20They'd be like,
00:20:21Do you think that gay men should be allowed into the same bathrooms as straight men?
00:20:25I'd be like,
00:20:25Look, I don't mind what they do.
00:20:26I, you know, if they keep it to themselves, that's fine.
00:20:29But like, just answer me this.
00:20:31Answer me this.
00:20:32How's it going to work?
00:20:33Huh?
00:20:34So what?
00:20:35You're in the bathroom with them?
00:20:36And then what?
00:20:37Like, he's gay and I'm just standing there and I'm peeing?
00:20:40Huh?
00:20:40And he's looking at my wiener?
00:20:43Huh?
00:20:44And then he grabs it?
00:20:45Huh?
00:20:46And he starts yanking on it?
00:20:48Huh?
00:20:49He just starts tugging away and I get hard and I'm enjoying it?
00:20:53Huh?
00:20:53And then this is one of the best experiences I've ever had?
00:20:56Huh?
00:20:57And then I start coming back weekly hoping I'll bump into him and I, and I do, huh?
00:21:02And then at some point we agree to meet outside, a nice little restaurant that's cozy and get to know
00:21:07each other, huh?
00:21:08And then a few years later we, we get married and our families are joined and we live happily ever
00:21:12after, huh?
00:21:13Is that what you want?
00:21:19Why?
00:21:23Public bathrooms.
00:21:28That's why you shouldn't bury your history.
00:21:33Yeah, because if you know it's happened, you know what to predict.
00:21:36You understand why it happened in the first place.
00:21:39Germany does that in a truly astounding way.
00:21:41Look, it's not perfect.
00:21:42It'll never be perfect.
00:21:43But Germany is one of the only countries in the world that has actively paid reparations for what they did.
00:21:49One of the only countries in the world that has actively apologized.
00:21:55And one of the only countries in the world that's set about changing how they see themselves and how the
00:22:01world sees them.
00:22:03After World War II, Germany changed a bunch of laws.
00:22:06They changed the iconography of the country, what you could hang, where you could hang it.
00:22:10They changed their national anthem.
00:22:13Yeah.
00:22:14Imagine that.
00:22:14They changed the national anthem.
00:22:16They felt that the national anthem was a nationalist song that the Nazis used to inspire people to think the
00:22:21wrong things, and they changed it.
00:22:22The original song was a song called Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles.
00:22:26And you've probably heard it, like, in old movies or whatever.
00:22:29The song went, like, Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles, uber alles auf der Welt.
00:22:37And translated into English, it means Germany, Germany, over everything, over everything in the world.
00:22:48And clearly they meant it.
00:22:51Yeah.
00:22:53Where most anthems are theoretical, Germans are precise.
00:22:59But after World War II, they were like, I can't have that same attitude.
00:23:04And so they changed the anthem.
00:23:06And new lyrics.
00:23:07The new lyrics are,
00:23:16Which translates into English, is
00:23:19Unity and rights and freedom for all the people who live in Germany.
00:23:31Which, which is adorable.
00:23:34It's, it's adorable.
00:23:36I mean, they may as well have made the song, sorry, sorry, we're so, so sorry.
00:23:40Sorry, sorry, sorry for what we did.
00:23:46I appreciate that they did it, but I, I wouldn't have gone that far.
00:23:50No, I'm not going to lie, I wouldn't have gone that far.
00:23:52I think uber alles is terrible.
00:23:53That's not a good way to think.
00:23:55But you still got to have a bit of kick in your anthem, you know.
00:23:57Still got to have, like, a, you know.
00:23:59Yeah, I would have, I would have found, like, a middle ground.
00:24:01Mine would have been, like, Deutschland, Deutschland, irgendwo in den top five.
00:24:07Nicht uber alles auf der Welt.
00:24:11Because we are definitely in the top five when you think about it.
00:24:16America's number one, and then you have Great Britain, and then you have France and Spain,
00:24:21and then we are at number five, well, actually, Spain is not better than us, so we are number four.
00:24:27Number four in the, oh, yeah, but France, the economy is not that strong,
00:24:31so maybe we are number three in the world, then you have England above our, oh, wait,
00:24:37oh, Brexit was not a smart idea, so maybe we are number two, and America is number,
00:24:42oh, the elections are not that stable.
00:24:44So maybe we are uber alles auf der Welt.
00:24:55It's one of the biggest things they did, and nobody knows that they did it.
00:25:00I was chatting to a, to a German guy, and he was perplexed by this.
00:25:05Absolutely perplexed.
00:25:06He was like, yeah, you know, Trevor, in Germany, we've done so many things.
00:25:09Oh, do you know, the national anthem was quite a big change for us.
00:25:12I'm sure the whole world talks about this.
00:25:16I was like, nope.
00:25:19He's like, what do you mean?
00:25:20What do you mean?
00:25:21Who, who doesn't talk about it?
00:25:23I was like, nobody.
00:25:23Nobody talks about it.
00:25:25He's like, who's nobody?
00:25:26I was like, nobody.
00:25:26Nobody.
00:25:27Like, no one.
00:25:28No one outside of Germany talks about it.
00:25:29No one even knows this.
00:25:30He's like, how can they not know?
00:25:31I was like, what do you mean, how can they not know?
00:25:33Like, it's German.
00:25:34Like, no one speaks German outside of Germany.
00:25:36How would anyone know?
00:25:37And also, you guys did something weird.
00:25:39You changed the lyrics, but you kept the beat.
00:25:46It's a strange move, you know?
00:25:49You're like, this song is terrible, and we are going to change it.
00:25:52Yeah.
00:25:53What about the beat?
00:25:54No, we are keeping that, because I've learned all the moves, yeah?
00:26:01That's probably why most people don't know it, like, it changed, right?
00:26:04You kept the beat.
00:26:07Most people don't know lyrics.
00:26:08We just know the beat.
00:26:09All right, no one knew Michael Jackson was saying, you're a vegetable.
00:26:12None of us knew that.
00:26:14Some of you right now are like, wait, when did he say vegetable?
00:26:16Yeah.
00:26:16Let me sing it your whole life.
00:26:17Yeah, vegetable.
00:26:21No one knows lyrics.
00:26:22We just know the beat.
00:26:25That's what Germany did.
00:26:26It was, it's weird.
00:26:28It's weird to not change the music, because the music comes with emotion.
00:26:34I was trying to explain this to him.
00:26:35He didn't get it.
00:26:37And I realized, you know what it's like?
00:26:39What Germany did would be like if, in Star Wars, right?
00:26:44You know Star Wars.
00:26:45All right, let's say, like Darth Vader.
00:26:48Whenever Darth Vader came into a scene, whenever he landed on one of those planets,
00:26:52you always knew something was about to go down, something bad, because he had his music.
00:26:58Right?
00:26:58The music told you what was going to happen.
00:27:01Ship would land.
00:27:04Door would open.
00:27:07And he'd be standing there.
00:27:13But he would never, he would never come into the game without his song playing.
00:27:18Never.
00:27:19He'd be there, DJ on the side, like, DJ, play my jam.
00:27:40And then you knew it was about to go down.
00:27:44Get down there.
00:27:45Kneel before me, Jedi.
00:27:47We'll never kneel before you, Darth.
00:27:49We will fight.
00:27:54You cannot defeat me.
00:27:57He's so strong.
00:27:58I don't know if we're going to win.
00:28:00Defeat him we shall.
00:28:04Use the force we will.
00:28:08Ah, you have defeated me.
00:28:12We did it, Master Yoda.
00:28:13We did it.
00:28:14We defeated Darth Vader.
00:28:16Hmm, indeed we have.
00:28:17What do we do now?
00:28:18Hmm, free the Empire we shall.
00:28:20Travel around.
00:28:22The good news we shall spread.
00:28:23Let's do it.
00:28:24Yes, a new song we shall play.
00:28:26Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:28:30You're free.
00:28:31Boom, boom, boom.
00:28:36Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
00:28:39boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
00:28:40boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
00:28:40boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
00:28:41boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
00:28:43boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom
00:28:56changing anything we were having this conversation and so afterwards he said
00:29:01something interesting to me he's like he's like yeah you know because we saw
00:29:04how Germany had to change how it saw itself in order to change what it did
00:29:09you know that's why we had to change the anthem I was like wow it's really
00:29:12powerful he's like yeah do you think America would ever change I was like
00:29:15don't even finish that sentence you you don't even finish that sentence
00:29:23there's one thing I've learned America hates change whoo America does not like
00:29:31change you want to change the things Germany changed the money the flags the
00:29:37anthem are you kidding me remember when they try to change the $20 bill remember
00:29:42that yeah they said they were gonna put Harriet Tubman on the bill people got so
00:29:46angry they've postponed it indefinitely people were furious they're like what
00:29:51are you doing we're gonna put Harriet Tubman they're like how dare you how
00:29:54dare you take an American president off the 20 how dare you take who's on the
00:30:0020 how dare you take Andrew Jackson off the $20 bill people like they're not
00:30:07taking him off they're just putting Harriet Tubman on the front and Andrew
00:30:10Jackson will be on the back you're putting an American president on the back
00:30:13on the back that's disrespectful it's not really I mean if you know your history you
00:30:19would know Andrew Jackson would love to be on the back side of a black woman so I
00:30:23don't know why you're so stressed I feel like everybody wins
00:30:35people were furious though and now you're gonna suggest changing the flag so
00:30:40just changing the anthem whoo there's two things I've learned living in America it's
00:30:45you respect the flag and you respect the anthem I don't know what it means but I
00:30:53follow the rules no the reason I say I don't know what it means is because it's
00:30:58confusing you'll meet a lot of people like you respect the flag and I get it
00:31:02but then I'll see those same people on July 4th and they'll be wearing the flag as
00:31:06underwear does that count yeah you looked up and you were like that flag these balls
00:31:25I mean I would never suggest changing any of it the anthem oh not never the anthem even though it
00:31:30could maybe it could do with a little change you know it is a very violent anthem you know and
00:31:36America struggles with a lot of violence maybe like a softer and because it is it's a violent
00:31:40anthem it's the only anthem I've ever heard that has bombs blowing up in it yeah there are bombs and
00:31:47rockets in your national anthem it's like a Michael Bay movie in a song everything just blowing up in slow
00:31:55motion and it's almost like you're threatening other countries as well you know it's just like
00:32:00yeah bombs bursting and the rockets were flaring try us it's like a gangster rap to be honest it really
00:32:11is I feel like the American anthem is like a gangster rap you know it has all the same elements
00:32:15as the
00:32:16violence has the threats you know how much it's similar to a gangster rap the American anthem is the
00:32:21only anthem where you can put the word bitch at the end of any line and the song still
00:32:28makes sense gave proof through the night that our flag was still there bitch
00:32:53I love the American national anthem I won't lie it's exciting and I know all the words I didn't try
00:32:59and learn the words but I know the words it's just one of those songs that you hear so much
00:33:02that you
00:33:02know it you know sort of like nationwide is on your side like same same thing I don't want to
00:33:09know that
00:33:09I don't need to know that yeah I wish I could reclaim the space in my brain but it's there
00:33:12America's
00:33:15national anthem is like that because you hear it so much in America you know this is the only country
00:33:21I've ever ever lived in where you play the national anthem when there is no other country in attendance
00:33:30yeah it'll be like basketball games football games beer pong games national anthem which I know is normal
00:33:40if you've lived in America all your life you're like well what other way is there Trevor well I'll tell
00:33:43you I'll tell you as somebody who comes from the rest of the world that's not a thing it's not
00:33:53most
00:33:53places in the world you play the national anthem like maybe once a year on like a national event or
00:33:57when
00:33:58you're competing against another country that's when you play it all right because the other countries
00:34:02there and you have to prove to your country that you're loyal that's why you sing the song you know
00:34:09because countries are very insecure you have to reassure them constantly reassuring they should go to
00:34:16therapy deal with their attachment issues but they don't you only realize how insecure countries are
00:34:23when you leave your country have you ever left and come back you've seen the questions your country
00:34:28asked you so insecure so jealous just like where have you been huh where have you been which countries
00:34:36huh so what you you have another country now huh is that what you're doing huh huh which stamps are
00:34:42these let me see who's been stamping your passport let me see your passport yeah damn country let me get
00:34:47my privacy that's why in most places you only sing the anthem when there's another country in attendance
00:34:56only time you do it because that's what it's for make your country feel good all right you know you
00:35:03know what national anthems are in many ways national anthems are the geopolitical equivalent of that
00:35:09thing women do to us men like ladies you know that trick you have for that man in your life
00:35:17like
00:35:18whenever his ego is bruised and you have to you have to try and heal it yeah every woman in
00:35:25this room
00:35:25has it has a trick that works on every man and right now I know a lot of the women
00:35:30like shut up
00:35:30Trevor shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up it's
00:35:36a beautiful
00:35:37subtle technique yeah you'll be out having lunch or something then some guy will come up to the table
00:35:43he's buff works out you know looks really good he's like oh my god Michelle Michelle he's like oh
00:35:50Justin oh my god wow how are you and you they're like who the hell is Justin what what's going
00:35:56on
00:35:57he's like this is crazy I can't believe this twice in two weeks and you they're like twice when was
00:36:02once who who is this I know oh my god oh how are you I'm doing good man we got
00:36:08to catch up sometime
00:36:09we got to we got to talk about college I was thinking about the other day we were so crazy
00:36:13in
00:36:13college you remember that night you remember that night and you're like you went to college what's
00:36:17going on here she can feel your ego slowly withering like a raisin in the sun and she won't look
00:36:26at you
00:36:27she won't make anything big out of it she'll continue the conversation but they'll gently just
00:36:31put their hand on your thigh and they just start rubbing it she'll carry on she'll carry on like
00:36:39nothing's happening I know those were crazy I mean I was a cheerleader I mean what are you gonna do
00:36:43you
00:36:43you know it's just one of those and then the hand is there going shh shh shh shh shh shh
00:36:49it's okay it's
00:36:50okay it's okay it's okay you're a big man big man strong man that's right there's no other men in
00:36:59the world just you look at you wow what a big man yeah who this guy I don't even know
00:37:06who he is
00:37:06oh yeah no with his muscles oh I don't like muscles no oh I hate muscles they're disgusting look at
00:37:14him
00:37:14working out and everything's in shape and bulging no it's disgusting what six packs no I don't want
00:37:21a six pack I don't like six packs that's why I like you boop
00:37:30that's what a national anthem is
00:37:40you reassuring your country
00:37:44the American anthem is such an interesting one you know everything that represents America is
00:37:49the anthem America has the most fun anthem rules in the world only country only country in the world
00:37:56where you're allowed to sing the anthem however you want however you want you can't do that
00:38:04anywhere else everywhere else in the world the anthem is the way it is written it's boring and that's the
00:38:08point you can't just change it in America you can do whatever you please I noticed it the first time
00:38:14first time I really noticed it was at a basketball game it was the New York Knicks and they were
00:38:20playing
00:38:20against the Toronto Raptors right and because the Raptors are from Canada but the Raptors are from
00:38:26Canada they had to play two national anthems before the game which is rare and so that we're in the
00:38:32arena and everyone's like and then the voice comes on like ladies and gentlemen please stand for the
00:38:38Canadian national anthem and everybody stood and then they just played like a tape somewhere
00:38:47you know you could tell they didn't care and it was the song the Canadian song is always the same
00:38:52it was like oh Canada
00:38:55that's with the Canada sauce
00:38:58and something something brings us back to do do do do
00:39:05you know the song man I'm not gonna I don't have time for that whatever
00:39:12they sang the Canadian anthem they were done and then the announcer came back and now ladies and
00:39:18gentlemen please stay standing for the American national anthem that's my favorite part yeah the
00:39:26lights will go dark someone walks to the middle of the arena it's always so intense complete silence
00:39:49so
00:39:53I
00:39:54I
00:39:57I
00:39:57I
00:39:57I
00:39:58I
00:40:02I
00:40:03I
00:40:03I
00:40:11Seek
00:40:19By the dawn
00:40:23Early night
00:40:51Why are you trying to make the anthem sexy? What are you doing?
00:40:59What are you doing? I never understand that. Why are you trying to make it a sexy song?
00:41:08You'll never be in England and see someone like
00:41:11Remix, God save, God save the Queen, God save the Queen
00:41:14I save the Queen with sexy sex, come on save the Queen
00:41:17Let's save the Queen with sexy sex, come on save that Queen
00:41:27Oh man
00:41:37So Germany was fun
00:41:41And then we headed to Paris, France
00:41:45To do shows
00:41:46The first time in my life I was very excited
00:41:50Always wanted to perform in Paris, didn't know what it would be
00:41:53But can I tell you?
00:41:54Paris is everything they tell you it is
00:41:57It is easily one of the most romantic cities I have ever been to in my life
00:42:04I fell in love a thousand times
00:42:08I was by myself, it didn't matter
00:42:11Yeah, every night it was just me and those bed bugs, baby
00:42:20I really enjoyed Paris because, you know, I got to meet Parisians in person
00:42:27You know, not stereotypes, not things that you're told about them
00:42:30No, actually meet French people, learn about them from them
00:42:35And I learned some truly amazing things
00:42:37For instance, the French have a very different relationship with work
00:42:42Than the rest of us
00:42:44Alright, in that they don't give a shit about it
00:42:51Which honestly I found inspiring
00:42:54Yeah, I feel like, I feel like a lot of us have become a little too attached to our work
00:42:58You know, we identify with our work
00:43:00Have you ever asked somebody just randomly be like
00:43:02Hey, tell me about yourself
00:43:03And they'll be like, well, I'm an architect
00:43:04Tell me about yourself
00:43:05Well, you know, I own a hair salon
00:43:07Tell me about yourself
00:43:08Well, I'm a teacher
00:43:09Tell me about yourself
00:43:10And people will tell you about what they do
00:43:13You know, it's become the thing that people focus on
00:43:17The French don't do that
00:43:18No, you literally, you'll never meet a French person who does that
00:43:21You go up to a French person
00:43:22You'll be like, excuse me, what do you do?
00:43:24Be like, oh, me, I go for walks with my friends
00:43:28And, you know, I like to, you know, eat good food
00:43:32And you're like, no, no, no
00:43:33What do you, what do you do for a living?
00:43:35It's like, ah, for a living, pardon, pardon, okay, for a living
00:43:38Okay, no, I breathe
00:43:41And, you know, I drink water
00:43:43And, you know, of course I have to make love, you know
00:43:51It's just a different way to be, man
00:43:53You know, not being so attached to your work
00:43:55It was lovely
00:43:56I learned this because when I flew to Paris
00:43:59Um, my luggage was lost
00:44:02Right?
00:44:03Yeah, landed in the airport
00:44:04And bags were gone
00:44:07Didn't arrive
00:44:08I discovered this, obviously, at the carousel
00:44:10Which is one of those shitty things that airlines do to you
00:44:13Right? They know your bags are not coming
00:44:18Yeah, they know where your bag is every single moment
00:44:21But they don't tell you
00:44:23They let you stand there like an idiot
00:44:25With hope in your heart
00:44:29They could literally come to your seat before you take off
00:44:31And just be like, it's not coming
00:44:35Spoiler alert
00:44:38But they don't
00:44:40They let you take off with all that joy like an idiot
00:44:42Weeeee
00:44:45I landed in Paris
00:44:46I thought it was the beginning of a great trip
00:44:48I was skipping around
00:44:50I had my full luggage swag
00:44:51And I was like, I'm gonna get my bags
00:44:53Go into Paris
00:44:54Start exploring
00:44:55Got to the carousel
00:44:56I was like, mmm, mmm
00:44:57Full luggage swag
00:44:59That's right
00:44:59Let me get my luggage, everybody
00:45:01I was like, excuse me, excuse me
00:45:03Make some space, please
00:45:04I would also like to lean over the carousel
00:45:06It makes the bags come quicker
00:45:08Come on, lucky bag
00:45:14I had full luggage swag
00:45:16Bags started coming out
00:45:18I was standing there judging them
00:45:19Ha ha, who still uses Samsonite?
00:45:22Ha ha ha ha ha
00:45:23Ah, where's my bag?
00:45:25Bags going around, going around
00:45:27And then new bags stopped coming out
00:45:29I started worrying
00:45:32Then at some point there were fewer and fewer bags
00:45:35And I was like, oh, my bag
00:45:37My bag's not coming
00:45:39And I realized
00:45:41My bag hadn't arrived
00:45:44It was terrible
00:45:45I had the same feeling
00:45:46The same feeling I had as a child
00:45:49When my mom would forget me at school
00:45:52The exact same feeling
00:45:53I was just standing at the carousel
00:45:55I felt like I was that kid
00:45:5610 years old again
00:45:57Just like
00:46:01No, no, no, Mr Wilkinson
00:46:03It's fine
00:46:04You can go
00:46:05My mom's gonna come
00:46:07Don't worry
00:46:07You can go home
00:46:08She's coming
00:46:10She wouldn't forget me
00:46:12She's probably dead
00:46:14Somewhere right now
00:46:15She'd probably be in a ditch
00:46:18Lying dead
00:46:22She forgot me
00:46:24She'd forget me occasionally
00:46:27And then I'd have to walk home
00:46:28It was like an hour walk
00:46:31And I'd get home
00:46:32And she'd always have the same reaction
00:46:33When I walked into the house
00:46:34Because my mom worked from home
00:46:36And so she'd have like a little computer
00:46:37Where she'd be typing away
00:46:38And I'd walk into the house
00:46:40And I'd close the door
00:46:41Be like
00:46:41Always the same reaction
00:46:42She'd be like
00:46:45No, no, no, no, no, baby
00:46:46No, no, no, no, no
00:46:48Oh, what time is it?
00:46:50And I'd be like
00:46:50It's too late
00:46:57I'm not gonna lie
00:46:58I hated
00:46:59I hated being forgotten at school
00:47:01But I savored those moments
00:47:04I savored
00:47:05Because it wasn't any sweat
00:47:05To be honest
00:47:06I liked walking
00:47:08It's not like I was stressed on the walk
00:47:10I'd be kicking stones
00:47:12Singing on the way back
00:47:13And then I'd get to the house
00:47:14And I'd be like
00:47:15No, wait a minute
00:47:16Hmm
00:47:18I loved it
00:47:19Because that was the one moment
00:47:20When I was allowed to give my mom
00:47:21Unlimited attitude
00:47:22With no repercussions
00:47:23None
00:47:24Yeah, because when I was like
00:47:25When I was a kid
00:47:26You couldn't just be like
00:47:26And give attitude to your parents
00:47:28Like I wasn't a white child
00:47:29You know what I mean?
00:47:30You couldn't
00:47:31I had to watch myself
00:47:34But when she messed up
00:47:35Ooh, I loved it
00:47:36I'd walk in
00:47:36She'd be like
00:47:37Can you forgive me, baby?
00:47:38I'd be like
00:47:38I'll think about it
00:47:44So now
00:47:45I had to find somebody to help me
00:47:46I would look around
00:47:48There's an older French gentleman
00:47:50Standing on the side
00:47:51Grey hair
00:47:52Rosy cheeks
00:47:53Short little guy with glasses
00:47:55And so I walked over to him
00:47:56And he was wearing a red vest
00:47:58And in French
00:47:59It read
00:48:00Information
00:48:02And then underneath in English
00:48:03It said information
00:48:06I was like
00:48:07Phew
00:48:10Bonjour
00:48:11Hello
00:48:12Hi
00:48:13He's like
00:48:13Hello
00:48:14Bonjour
00:48:14Bonjour
00:48:15I said English?
00:48:16French?
00:48:17English?
00:48:18Oui
00:48:18I said
00:48:19Could you help me please?
00:48:21My luggage didn't arrive
00:48:24I would like to know
00:48:25What do I need to do?
00:48:27He's like
00:48:27Oh, the luggage
00:48:28If it didn't come
00:48:29If you could put it for that one
00:48:30Maybe you can put it
00:48:31Because
00:48:31Different flight airlines
00:48:33Can be put in on different ones
00:48:34So you have to try to
00:48:36Maybe go different
00:48:38Maybe they can come in for tracking
00:48:40And look inside the app
00:48:41And that one you can find for you
00:48:43Because
00:48:44It's not the
00:48:44Like
00:48:45Different ones
00:48:46Because
00:48:47Because
00:48:47We are not in control
00:48:47But
00:48:48Different ones
00:48:49Maybe you can see for that one
00:48:53I was like
00:48:54Okay
00:48:54Okay
00:48:56Alright
00:48:57Let's try French
00:49:01Let's
00:49:02See what happens
00:49:06Finally we figured it out
00:49:06We figured it out
00:49:08He sent me off to a special area
00:49:10Where you
00:49:10Where you go and I guess
00:49:11Make a report
00:49:12And when I get there
00:49:13There's another French guy
00:49:14Who's behind the counter
00:49:15Much younger
00:49:16Like maybe
00:49:17Algerian, Moroccan of descent
00:49:18Very French
00:49:19Very French
00:49:20Cool guy
00:49:20And he's behind the counter
00:49:21Helping someone
00:49:22He's like
00:49:22Okay
00:49:22Thank you very much
00:49:22Thank you
00:49:23Next please
00:49:23And I woke up
00:49:24I'm like
00:49:24Hey man
00:49:24What's going on my brother?
00:49:26How are you man?
00:49:27What's up with you?
00:49:28What's up?
00:49:29I was like
00:49:29I need your help please
00:49:30My luggage
00:49:32It didn't come
00:49:33It's lost
00:49:34He's like
00:49:35Oh no
00:49:36Dude
00:49:36Your luggage didn't come
00:49:38Oh man
00:49:39Did you look for it?
00:49:46I did
00:49:47What do you think
00:49:47I'm just here for company?
00:49:48Of course
00:49:49He's like
00:49:50No no no
00:49:50Just check in
00:49:51Just check in
00:49:51Okay
00:49:52So the bag is gone
00:49:53It's totally
00:49:54I'm like
00:49:54Yeah it's gone
00:49:54He's like
00:49:55Aw man that sucks man
00:49:56I'm so sorry for you man
00:49:57That's terrible
00:49:59Yeah
00:50:00Yeah
00:50:00So what do you want to do now?
00:50:04So what do I want to do?
00:50:06So what do I want to do?
00:50:07So I would like you to do something like
00:50:10Can we like make a report or something?
00:50:12He's like
00:50:13Okay okay yeah
00:50:13You want to make some paperwork or something?
00:50:15It's for your insurance so they can pay you for it?
00:50:18I said no
00:50:19It's so that you can find it
00:50:20And bring it to me
00:50:22He's like
00:50:22Oh no don't worry man
00:50:24Don't worry
00:50:24We are not going to find it
00:50:25No man
00:50:27No don't worry about that
00:50:29No you know it's Paris man
00:50:30When the bags are gone
00:50:31They are probably gone
00:50:33Yeah they don't
00:50:34They don't ever pop up
00:50:35Sometimes if you are lucky
00:50:36But if he's not here by now
00:50:37It's probably gone
00:50:38You know
00:50:38It's Friday
00:50:39There are some strikes
00:50:40You know just
00:50:41Just you can leave
00:50:42Don't even stress yourself
00:50:43You can go
00:50:45He's like
00:50:45Don't even stress myself
00:50:46Yo this is my luggage
00:50:48This is like all my clothes
00:50:50He's like
00:50:50Yeah but you are in Paris
00:50:52You need clothes?
00:50:53This is Paris man
00:50:54Come on
00:50:55Paris
00:50:55Go and buy some clothes
00:50:56What's wrong with you man?
00:50:58Chill
00:50:58He was so confident
00:51:01He made me feel like I was wrong
00:51:04Like I doubted myself
00:51:05I walked away
00:51:06And I was like
00:51:07Am I wrong?
00:51:09Am I too attached to my luggage?
00:51:14He wasn't lying
00:51:15He wasn't lying
00:51:16Paris does have a great selection of clothing
00:51:17I had to go and buy clothes
00:51:18Because I had nothing
00:51:20For my shows
00:51:20For anything
00:51:21And if you ever do go to Paris
00:51:23Take some extra money
00:51:24For the clothes shopping
00:51:25It's amazing
00:51:26And try and also pack
00:51:28An extra pair of self
00:51:30Esteem
00:51:32Yeah you'll need it
00:51:33When you shop
00:51:34With the French
00:51:35Because they're not your friends
00:51:38Yeah I've never been to a country
00:51:39Where you are truly on your own
00:51:41When you're shopping
00:51:41Like you walk into a store
00:51:43Nobody helps you
00:51:44Nothing
00:51:45You don't know who works there
00:51:46You don't know who's doing anything
00:51:48Literally it's like
00:51:49Undercover employee
00:51:50You're just
00:51:51Just walking around
00:51:53Just like 20 minutes
00:51:54Nobody helped me
00:51:55And then finally I started picking
00:51:56My own clothes
00:51:57And I heard like an annoyed voice
00:51:58Behind me
00:51:59I was like can I help you
00:52:00I was like hi
00:52:01Uh yes I need to get
00:52:02A few clothes please
00:52:03My luggage was lost
00:52:04And then
00:52:05And then Detroit
00:52:06I got roasted
00:52:08More than I've ever been roasted
00:52:09In my life
00:52:10Ever
00:52:11Ever
00:52:12I got roast
00:52:13Everything I chose
00:52:15Came with a scathing review
00:52:18I was like yeah
00:52:19Could I please um
00:52:20Could I please get this
00:52:21In a medium
00:52:21He's like ah medium
00:52:22No you mean large
00:52:23Or extra large no
00:52:26Yeah no this one is the medium
00:52:28For your body
00:52:28I don't think so no
00:52:31I was like I'm sorry what
00:52:32He's like no yeah
00:52:33I think you are large
00:52:34Extra I can bring that one for you
00:52:35Okay medium is too much
00:52:37For the shirt okay
00:52:39I'm like what
00:52:41Yo everything
00:52:42Everything
00:52:43There's a point where like
00:52:43I picked there's a jacket
00:52:44I wanted to buy
00:52:45I was like yeah could I get this
00:52:46He's like oh no this one
00:52:47For your skin tone is not great
00:52:48No you have to think about
00:52:50What is complimentary
00:52:51For the colours
00:52:52Inside the fabric
00:52:54And also inside your face okay
00:52:56This one
00:52:56This one is not the best
00:52:58I was like yo I already own
00:53:00Something like this
00:53:01He said ah
00:53:02And you are wearing it
00:53:06Well not anymore
00:53:09He's like no you can wear it if you want
00:53:10No
00:53:10C'est tranquille
00:53:11Go ahead
00:53:11Go ahead
00:53:12I was like no you threaten me now
00:53:17It's just
00:53:17You know what
00:53:18It's just different
00:53:20A friend said to me
00:53:21A friend was like dude
00:53:22The French are assholes right
00:53:24I was like no
00:53:24I don't think that they're assholes
00:53:25I think
00:53:26They're just very honest
00:53:29Alright
00:53:29And a lot of the time
00:53:30It's hard to tell the difference
00:53:31Between the two
00:53:34Cause I
00:53:35One day I was speaking to
00:53:36A French woman
00:53:37And I
00:53:38I worked up the courage
00:53:40To ask her
00:53:41To ask her
00:53:42I said hey
00:53:42Um
00:53:44Why
00:53:45Why are the French
00:53:47Like this
00:53:51And she said what do you mean
00:53:52I said like when you're in like a store
00:53:54You know they seem very mean
00:53:55You know she's like oh no they are not being mean
00:53:57They are just being themselves
00:53:58No
00:53:58You know maybe because you are used to coming in a country
00:54:01Where people are you know they are so afraid that you are not going to tip them
00:54:05That you know they are all on top of you
00:54:07Can I help you
00:54:08Can I help you
00:54:09But in France we are making sure that everybody is getting like a good salary
00:54:12A good wage
00:54:13So we are not you know so stressed about that
00:54:15You know in America it's like oh the customer is king
00:54:18But in France you know what we do to kings
00:54:20So you know
00:54:23It's not the same here
00:54:30The French don't play that game
00:54:34You guys have been so much fun tonight Detroit
00:54:36Thank you man
00:54:41Thank you so much
00:54:44Prove me right
00:54:45This is why you go to Detroit you know
00:54:47Oh for real
00:54:48It's like an amazing audience
00:54:52Beautiful diverse
00:54:56And the city's been cool too
00:54:57We've been seeing a few things here and there
00:55:00I had a fight with my friend Dave
00:55:03He directs these specials and
00:55:05He said to me the one day
00:55:07He's like yo dude what are you doing during the day
00:55:09And I was like um you know might go eat Mike do something
00:55:11He's like dude why don't we go like check out all the museums in Detroit
00:55:15I was like maybe like one
00:55:18And he's like what do you mean one
00:55:19I was like yeah well I'm like not all
00:55:21What do you mean all
00:55:21He's like dude
00:55:23Have you been here before
00:55:24You know how many amazing museums they got
00:55:26I'm like yes
00:55:27But it's still a museum
00:55:28I'll do like one
00:55:29And that's it
00:55:32Like I don't have that much stamina
00:55:33I can't do as many as you
00:55:34Right
00:55:35And he's like well what do you mean you can't do as many as me
00:55:38How do you know
00:55:38I was like dude because you're white
00:55:40Like you enjoy doing that
00:55:42I was and I was just joking I was just teasing him
00:55:44I just tease him
00:55:46He got so offended so quickly
00:55:48Right
00:55:49He got so he's like what did you say
00:55:52I was like no because why
00:55:53He's like dude white people don't like love museums
00:55:56Like what are you even talking about
00:55:58Like like museums aren't even in the top five things white people love okay
00:56:04He said it with such confidence
00:56:08And with such conviction
00:56:10I was like what is the top five
00:56:13Cause what a strange phrase
00:56:14He was like that's not even in the top five
00:56:16Like in his bedroom he has a list on the wall
00:56:18Of the top ten things
00:56:20It was amazing
00:56:23I thought about it and I was like no it is
00:56:25I stick with my decision
00:56:26Museums would be
00:56:28Cause no it's not even a bad thing
00:56:29White people love museums
00:56:31Like a lot of people enjoy museums
00:56:33But white people love museums
00:56:37Love museums
00:56:38There's not a single place on earth
00:56:40Where white people have settled and not built a museum
00:56:42It doesn't matter
00:56:43White people love museums
00:56:45Have you ever seen white people in a museum?
00:56:47Have you ever seen them?
00:56:48Just walk around smiling with their hands behind their back
00:56:57Yep, that was us
00:57:00And that was us too
00:57:02It's been a good run
00:57:06White people love museums
00:57:07What are you talking about?
00:57:08It would easily be in the top
00:57:09I wouldn't put it at number one
00:57:10But it would be in the top five
00:57:11You know?
00:57:12Yeah I thought about it
00:57:13I was like if I was a
00:57:13To have a top five things white people love
00:57:15I'd put museums at number five
00:57:17At number four
00:57:18I'd put swimming
00:57:19Right?
00:57:20Cause white people love swimming
00:57:22And there's nothing wrong with that
00:57:23Have you seen white people swim?
00:57:24Like you look stunning
00:57:26Stunning
00:57:27Cause whenever white people swim
00:57:28You do that thing with your hair
00:57:29You come out of the water
00:57:30Just like
00:57:32And it just goes perfectly back
00:57:34Like a duck
00:57:37I would love swimming too
00:57:39White people love swimming
00:57:41White people love swimming so much
00:57:43That they made it
00:57:44That you can win more medals at the Olympics
00:57:47Swimming
00:57:47Than any other discipline
00:57:50Yeah
00:57:51That's how much white people love swimming
00:57:53I realized this the one day
00:57:55There was an argument going on
00:57:56About who the greatest Olympian of all time is
00:57:58Right?
00:57:59And the final two
00:58:00Was Michael Phelps
00:58:02And Usain Bolt
00:58:04And then one of the arguments was
00:58:06Well Michael Phelps is better
00:58:07Because he has more medals
00:58:09And I was like
00:58:09Yeah, cause he cheated
00:58:11Yeah, he won them swimming
00:58:14I'm not saying Michael Phelps is not a great Olympian
00:58:16I'm just saying
00:58:17You can't count the medals in the argument
00:58:18Right?
00:58:19Because in swimming
00:58:19It's the only discipline
00:58:21Where you win more medals
00:58:22For doing the same thing
00:58:23In a slightly less efficient manner
00:58:27It makes no sense
00:58:29Think about it
00:58:30They'll be there
00:58:30It's like
00:58:30100m freestyle
00:58:32Bam
00:58:37Done.
00:58:37Gold medal.
00:58:38Yeah.
00:58:39And now this.
00:58:45Another medal.
00:58:47Yeah.
00:58:47And this one.
00:58:54Another medal.
00:58:55But what about this one?
00:59:01Another medal.
00:59:02That's some bullshit.
00:59:02I don't care what anyone says.
00:59:05You can't win more medals.
00:59:10Usain Bolt doesn't have that luxury.
00:59:13When Usain Bolt runs, it's the 100 meter and it's done.
00:59:16And he marks, said, run, run, run, run, run.
00:59:19Get to the end.
00:59:20Win.
00:59:21Gold medal.
00:59:22That's it.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23He doesn't get to turn around and be like, that was an amazing race and now I'm going to do
00:59:26it butterfly style.
00:59:35It's not a thing.
00:59:38I mean, it should be, but it's not.
00:59:45White people love swimming, so they made that the rule.
00:59:47I get it.
00:59:48It would have to be.
00:59:49It would have to be.
00:59:50Yeah.
00:59:51That would be my top five things.
00:59:52I'll go museums at number five.
00:59:54Swimming at number four.
00:59:55Number three, being flabbergasted.
01:00:00White people love being flabbergasted.
01:00:01Come on.
01:00:02You know exactly what I'm talking about.
01:00:05You ever seen when a white person's having like a bad day, something's gone wrong,
01:00:09and they always do that thing with their face, they get flabbergasted, it's like, ah.
01:00:23White people love being flabbergasted.
01:00:26You'll see it in supermarkets all the time.
01:00:28There's like a long line, right?
01:00:31Like only one cashier's opened.
01:00:34Everyone's standing there patiently.
01:00:36There'll always be one white person who pops out, like.
01:00:42What are they?
01:00:43Why don't they open the other?
01:00:44Are you serious?
01:00:46Why don't they?
01:00:47Are you?
01:00:49The only thing white people love more than being flabbergasted is finding another white
01:00:53person to flabbergast with.
01:00:54Have you seen that?
01:00:57Yo, whenever that happens, magic.
01:00:59It is absolute magic.
01:01:01A white person will be flabbergasting.
01:01:03They'll look.
01:01:03They'll make eye contact with another white person, and then they'll flabbergast together.
01:01:07It's like they Voltron their flabbergasting into a super flabbergast.
01:01:11You see them look over and just be like, oh, have you seen it?
01:01:14I know.
01:01:22And that's one of the keys to flabbergasting, I've learned.
01:01:24You have to exhale.
01:01:25You have to let it all out.
01:01:26Life is so hard that the air has to leave your body.
01:01:29You can no longer even breathe.
01:01:30There's a...
01:01:34That's why there's so many tornadoes in the Midwest.
01:01:36It's just white people flabbergasting.
01:01:37It's like...
01:01:46White people love being flabbergasted.
01:01:50Has to be.
01:01:51Has to be.
01:01:51Top five.
01:01:52That would be my list.
01:01:53Top five things white people love.
01:01:55I go to museums at number five.
01:01:57I'm swimming at number four.
01:01:58Being flabbergasted at number three.
01:02:01Number two, being white.
01:02:04It's a pretty sweet gig.
01:02:05I don't blame you.
01:02:07And then there's number one.
01:02:09And look, this is my personal list.
01:02:11I'm not dictating anything.
01:02:12If you don't agree, make your own.
01:02:14Right?
01:02:14It's personal preference.
01:02:16But there is one thing, and one thing alone, that white people love more than anything on this planet.
01:02:27Sweet Caroline.
01:02:37Let me tell you something now, Detroit.
01:02:39There is nothing that brings more joy to the soul of a white person than the sounds of that Neil
01:02:47Diamond song.
01:02:51I don't care where it is.
01:02:53I've been on every continent, in many countries.
01:02:56When that song plays, you see white people's eyes light up.
01:03:04Like sleeper agents who've just been activated.
01:03:11It happens every time, without fail.
01:03:13Every single time.
01:03:16And it's not about music.
01:03:17Because other songs will be playing.
01:03:19Yeah, they'll be at a cookout.
01:03:20They'll be at a baseball game.
01:03:21They'll be at like a company event.
01:03:23All the other songs are in the background.
01:03:25They pay them no heed.
01:03:26But when that song kicks in, it taps into the very DNA of whiteness.
01:03:31I don't know what it is.
01:03:33But it interrupts everything else.
01:03:35You'll see white people.
01:03:36They'll be hanging out, having conversations.
01:03:38They'll be like, yeah, you know, I mean, business, business.
01:03:40Mergers and acquisitions.
01:03:41You know, it's one of those things.
01:03:42Yeah, I know, I know.
01:03:43We should circle back.
01:03:44Let's put a pin in it.
01:03:45Myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh, myeh.
01:03:48And that song comes in.
01:03:50And every single time.
01:03:52You think it's not going to happen as well.
01:03:53It always creeps in.
01:03:54It always seems like it's not going to happen.
01:03:57But it's always the same.
01:03:58It's always the same.
01:03:58It's always just like.
01:04:00And.
01:04:02And.
01:04:05And now.
01:04:08And now.
01:04:08And now.
01:04:18See, I didn't tell you to join in.
01:04:25I didn't say it all together now.
01:04:28I didn't say on the count of three.
01:04:30Did you feel that?
01:04:30That was just your whiteness coming out.
01:04:32Did you feel that?
01:04:34Huh?
01:04:35That was just you.
01:04:35You were like, this is it.
01:04:37This is our moment.
01:04:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm white, white, white, white, white, white, white.
01:04:48Look at you right now.
01:04:49So you're beaming.
01:04:50Look at your face.
01:04:51Look at you.
01:04:52Look at that joy.
01:04:53Ten minutes ago, you were like, I don't know about this guy.
01:04:55Now you're like, best comedian ever.
01:05:00Don't ever lose that joy.
01:05:02None of you white people.
01:05:03You hold on to it.
01:05:05It is a treasure.
01:05:06It's the most adorable thing in the world.
01:05:09There is nothing that makes white people happier than that song.
01:05:12Nothing.
01:05:13That song is pure, uncut, Caucasian joy.
01:05:15That's what that song is.
01:05:18White people cannot resist it.
01:05:21Yeah, like, forget 23 and me.
01:05:23If you want to know how much white you have in you, play that song.
01:05:27The louder you respond, the whiter you are.
01:05:30I just saved you some money.
01:05:33There's no white person I've seen resist.
01:05:35It is the Marco to your polo.
01:05:36That's what that song is.
01:05:38Like, I'll tell you something now.
01:05:40If there was ever, like, a giant earthquake, God forbid, God forbid, and people were trapped
01:05:44beneath the rubble, I'd volunteer to find all the white people.
01:05:50I'd be like, you guys find everybody else.
01:05:52I got this.
01:05:53I got this.
01:05:57Sweet Caroline.
01:05:59I found another one.
01:06:02Like, you okay, man?
01:06:03Oh, oh, oh.
01:06:08And I know right now some of you are like, oh, Trevor, we like that song, but it's not the
01:06:12most important to us.
01:06:13Oh, yeah?
01:06:13Then how come you didn't help me sing the anthem?
01:06:17Yo, Detroit, you guys have been amazing, man.
01:06:19Thank you so much for coming out tonight.
01:06:23I have such a great time with all of you.
01:06:26I appreciate you.
01:06:28Good night.
01:06:33Good night.
01:06:34Good night.
01:06:34Good night.
01:06:46Way to be, yeah.
01:06:50I can't be golden in, but then I know it's blue and strong.
01:07:02Was in the spring
01:07:08How'd we do?
01:07:10It works every time, Neil Diamond
01:07:12Alright
01:07:13It works every time
01:07:17Sweet Caroline
01:07:20Bum, bum, bum
01:07:21Your time's never seemed so good
01:07:28I've been trying
01:07:32To believe they're never one
01:07:37But now
01:07:40You'll be goodnight
01:07:44When you don't seem so lonely
01:07:47We fill it up with only two
01:07:55And when I hurt
01:07:59Hurting runs off my shoulders
01:08:03Thank you so much
01:08:04That was fantastic
01:08:06Thank you so much
01:08:11We'll be right back
01:08:21We'll be right back
01:08:22We'll be right back
01:08:22We'll be right back
01:08:22We'll be right back
01:08:22We'll be right back
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