Katt Williams riffs on truth, lies, chicken wing shortages and the war on drugs in this electrifying stand-up special filmed in Las Vegas.
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#comedy #standupcomedy #standup #jokes #funny #kattwilliams #kattwilliamscomedy #kattwilliamsstandup
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FunTranscript
00:44I'd like to take a second to let you know, this is one of the most beautiful audiences I ever
00:52seen in my goddamn life.
00:54You niggas came to me.
00:57When I say niggas, I mean all of us.
01:06White people, y'all in the building this evening, make some noise.
01:08White people, look at niggas, shot.
01:12What?
01:15And spread out, too.
01:17We got the best of the best.
01:18Where's my Hispanic family in the building?
01:20Where's Latin next?
01:23Oh, wow.
01:31Well, you know, there's a virus out there that'll kill a motherfucker.
01:36Got to be something special to have me here.
01:38Let's see what it is.
01:40Well, the ladies in the building make some noise.
01:43Ladies in the building.
01:45Mmm, mmm.
01:49Did you smell that in there?
01:50That was a lot of good uterus.
01:56That was some high estrogen levels.
01:59I got the best audience and I had to have it.
02:03A pandemic made you restructure your life.
02:06You miss your family.
02:08Y'all my motherfucking family.
02:11For the 10-year challenge, I don't even recognize this shit.
02:15Is this the real world?
02:17This shit is crazy.
02:19You don't know what to believe.
02:20Don't nobody even make up conspiracy theories.
02:22Don't move.
02:24The truth is fucked up enough.
02:29For everybody.
02:31You don't know what the fuck to believe.
02:34Some of y'all in here got three vaccinations and four boosters.
02:43Are you just as scared of the next period as the next motherfucker?
02:50We don't know what you believe.
02:52Ten years ago, we'd have said we don't let motherfuckers tell us what to do.
03:00We let them tell us the worldwide doctors told us to get the vaccine.
03:06These dirty sum of bitches ain't showing us nothing now, doctor.
03:12I guess Dr. Fauci made all the vaccines.
03:17He don't know what we don't see.
03:21Don't get me wrong.
03:22I don't give a fuck.
03:23I don't mind taking the vaccine.
03:25When I take my dog to the vet, I get whatever shots he's getting.
03:31He get a rabbit shot and me do.
03:33That's my friend, bitch.
03:36I'm as likely to bite somebody as he is.
03:42It's a crazy world.
03:43You don't know what to believe.
03:45The truth is just as strange as fiction.
03:50Taco Bell.
04:14You don't know what the fuck to believe.
04:19You don't know what the fuck to believe.
04:27The truth could be stranger than fiction.
04:29They won't tell you shit.
04:31They won't tell you that Wendy Williams is Sasquatch.
04:51The truth will come out later.
04:53You'll see.
04:56Just saying that'll tell us anything.
04:59That's why it's called World War III.
05:02Because there's a whole motherfucking war going on right now.
05:06They ain't telling us shit.
05:08We don't even know whose side is what.
05:12Whole war going on.
05:14Fortunately for us, it's simple.
05:17It ain't even complicated.
05:18White people don't get nervous.
05:22It ain't about race this time.
05:24Mm-mm.
05:26Ain't about money this time.
05:28No, no, no.
05:29This time is the lie versus the truth.
05:33Just that simple.
05:35The lie versus the truth.
05:37That's it.
05:38Just the lie versus the truth.
05:41The lie.
05:46I'm not here to say what side is the best side.
05:48I'm just saying them the sides.
05:52Watch this.
05:53Where's all the love is the truth at in the building?
05:55Make some noise if you love the truth.
05:59Look at the love is the truth song in this bitch.
06:03Keep that same energy.
06:06Don't switch up on it.
06:09The love is the truth.
06:10Watch this.
06:11Where's all the liars in the building?
06:13Make some noise, liars.
06:15Yeah.
06:16Look at the love is the truth.
06:17What?
06:19I didn't think they would tell the truth.
06:24Liars do what the fuck they want to do.
06:27Just understand.
06:28There's two sides.
06:30You always got to have a proper respect for your ops.
06:34One of these sides don't respect the ops.
06:38The love is the truth.
06:40They don't give a fuck about the lie.
06:43And they will tell you that this is the truth right here.
06:48I don't give a fuck.
06:55You tell them about the lie, they don't.
06:57The lie ain't shit.
06:58Shit.
07:00Lies run the world.
07:02Better respect it.
07:04Lies run the world.
07:05For every time one lie get told, one million people make one million dollars.
07:11For every lie.
07:12You know who the fuck pay for it?
07:14Whoever the fuck don't know, it's a lie.
07:17That's who the fuck pay for it.
07:19Yep.
07:20And they lie to all of us.
07:21Some of us.
07:22Look at white people.
07:23Not us.
07:24Yes.
07:27All of us.
07:29They lie to us all together.
07:32They told all of us in here, there's a chicken wing shortage.
07:43Look at people of all races and religions, genders and creeds.
07:48All of us all agree.
07:49They damn sure did say that.
07:52They told all of us.
07:54There's a chicken wing shortage.
07:59And no matter how much we all love chicken,
08:04we didn't riot in the streets.
08:08We didn't burn burger places down.
08:13We just believed them.
08:17But liars always leave a clue.
08:23They think they smarter than them is.
08:28They said to all of us, there is a chicken wing shortage.
08:34Did you notice they did not say it was a shortage of chickens?
08:51Said it was a chicken wing shortage.
08:55But they did not say it was a shortage of chickens.
09:03Now, I know some of y'all don't grow up on the farm.
09:07Maybe you don't see a chicken every day.
09:11But try to envision in your mind
09:15what a chicken looks like.
09:29Because if a liar can get you to believe some shit,
09:31they don't stop there.
09:34They double that.
09:38Just so you knew they was lying,
09:40they said some shit next
09:42that don't even make mathematical sense.
09:47They said,
09:49there's a chicken wing shortage,
10:11where the fuck would you get plenty of eyes from it?
10:16Look, I'm not a farmer
10:18or a scientist,
10:20but I will tell you this.
10:22All chicken wings
10:25come from a chicken.
10:28They get two wings,
10:31two times.
10:33I'm gonna start talking about you got a whole bunch of eyes.
10:39Where the fuck you getting these spider-legged chickens from?
10:45See, the problem is
10:47some of y'all believe in God,
10:48some of y'all believe in science.
10:51I believe in both.
10:53Science might have done some things,
10:56and God did some things.
10:59Science might have made a lot of shit,
11:01but God made the chicken.
11:05You ain't gonna tell me
11:06God made the chicken.
11:09He did that for the world.
11:11That's how you know it's from God.
11:13What group of people
11:15don't fuck with chicken?
11:22Look at the vegans.
11:23It's just us.
11:30God made the chicken.
11:32That bitch ain't safe from nowhere.
11:36Every time a chicken's foot hit the ground,
11:39somebody wanna put that bitch in grief
11:42in China and France
11:45and Europe and Mississippi.
11:52How you know God made it?
11:54Because that bird is the most delicious bird
11:59in the whole world.
12:02And that motherfucker can't fly.
12:06Because God loves you.
12:09If chickens could fly half,
12:11the motherfuckers in here
12:13would be dead right now.
12:14If you had to...
12:15If you had to catch your own two-piece,
12:17you'd die.
12:19You just in the backyard.
12:24That was a spicy combo, too.
12:26I can't keep missing these opportunities.
12:28I can't keep running that ass.
12:34Anyway,
12:37I'm just saying,
12:38figure out what you can trust.
12:40Because it used to be,
12:41it was people out there
12:42that we trusted.
12:44Their job made us trust them.
12:47That they would do the right thing by us.
12:50That shit is gone, gone.
12:53Been gone.
12:55Fuck you, man.
12:58They want you to do shit
12:59that don't make no sense.
13:01That's why I won't even talk about politics no more.
13:03Ain't shit to talk about.
13:05The fuck I'm supposed to do
13:06if both sides is the dumb side.
13:10I don't even want to play no more.
13:16The fuck is this shit?
13:19But that's America.
13:21We just don't want what we had last.
13:29Ten years ago,
13:30some of you ladies
13:31was with a full-fledged gangbanger.
13:34And look at you,
13:35ten years later in here
13:36with that bank teller.
13:41You look like you work at the bank.
13:48That's how our country do.
13:49We don't give a fuck.
13:51Just don't give us the last shit.
13:52We traded in a crazy,
13:56deranged,
13:57erratic motherfucker.
13:59We traded him in
14:01for a weekend at Bernie's.
14:06What the fern is that?
14:09What the fuck is that?
14:12That's how I step on you.
14:17Too much going on?
14:20You can't believe nothing
14:21that people say.
14:23This is some crazy shit.
14:26You motherfuckers is vicious.
14:28You don't give a fuck about nobody.
14:31Motherfuckers,
14:32I'm so sick of motherfuckers
14:33talking shit about Joe Biden.
14:35Joe need to get his shit together.
14:40You need to wake up, Joe.
14:45Go Brandon, Joe.
14:50The fuck is wrong with you people?
14:53Who raised you?
14:57Joe Biden is 96 motherfucking years old, bitch.
15:03You gave Pawpaw the job, bitch.
15:07You gave great-granddaddy the job, bitch.
15:12Now you want big daddy
15:14to get his shit together.
15:17Joe Biden is doing the best
15:19he motherfucking can.
15:22That man is 97 years old.
15:28People talking shit about Joe Biden.
15:31I don't like the way he left Afghanistan.
15:35Bitch, how the fuck do you think
15:36a 98-year-old man leave a fight?
15:41Quickly and quietly, bitch.
15:46Joe Biden left Afghanistan like this.
15:58Joe is doing the best he fucking can.
16:01Give him a fucking break.
16:03Joe is 99 goddamn years old.
16:11If you lucky enough
16:12to have a great-granddaddy,
16:13call him up right now on the phone
16:15and ask him,
16:16is he ready to do 12 press conferences
16:18tomorrow, bitch?
16:20No, he is not.
16:28Joe will be doing the best he can.
16:32He show up at all the press conferences.
16:35You can ask Joe anything,
16:38but he only gonna answer half.
16:45But what the question is,
16:47he is not gonna let you know
16:50when he get off at the nearest exit.
16:54They say, Joe,
16:58America just dealt with
16:59a terrible hurricane season.
17:02You have some words of encouragement
17:04for the American people
17:05about hurricanes.
17:07Joe said,
17:09thank you so much for asking.
17:12First of all,
17:13our thoughts and prayers
17:13go out to all the families
17:15dealing with hurricanes
17:16throughout the entire United States.
17:18What a lot of Americans
17:19have been doing
17:20to fight the hurricanes
17:21is getting vaccinated.
17:25What the fuck is that?
17:40there's too much shit going on.
17:45Too much shit going on.
17:48And they doing their best with Joe.
17:52Every morning,
17:53they tell Joe,
17:54Joe, today,
17:57don't say shit today, Joe.
18:03No, I want to tell
18:04the American people.
18:08I love it.
18:10And that's how you can tell
18:11the vice president
18:12is a real black woman.
18:16You don't see her nowhere.
18:21She ain't at the mall,
18:23at the club,
18:25nothing.
18:25She in her room
18:26at the White House.
18:36Too much shit going on.
18:40Too much shit.
18:41It all come down
18:43to the lie and the truth.
18:46Just got to deal with it.
18:49Them motherfuckers
18:49don't want to tell us
18:50truth about shit.
18:52Nothing.
18:54You notice they don't even
18:55talk about the war
18:55on drugs no more?
18:58You think that's because
19:00there ain't no more war?
19:02Boy, there ain't no more drugs.
19:09They don't want to tell us shit.
19:11They don't talk about
19:13drugs no more.
19:14Because for the first time
19:15in history,
19:17black people
19:19ain't making
19:20none of the drugs.
19:22Look at white people.
19:24What?
19:27Yep.
19:29Yep, I know white people.
19:30You find what I'm saying
19:31hard to believe.
19:35I'm going to tell you
19:36a statistic that's going
19:37to blow your fucking mind.
19:39There are zero niggas
19:43making fentanyl.
19:54Look at white people.
19:55What?
19:58Yep.
19:59You better believe it,
20:00white people.
20:01We would notice
20:02if niggas was
20:03dropping dead for nothing.
20:07I looked up fentanyl.
20:09That shit is
20:09beyond dangerous.
20:11I said,
20:12what you got to do
20:12to die?
20:13They said,
20:14touch it.
20:17And that's when I knew
20:18niggas ain't involved in this.
20:22We like to touch everything.
20:24We buy.
20:25We would notice
20:26niggas dying
20:27at the purchase.
20:31His last words was,
20:33this must be it.
20:36Mm-hmm.
20:38Yep.
20:40It's a crazy world
20:41out there now.
20:42They don't want to talk
20:43to you about drugs.
20:44They ain't talking
20:45about the opioid crisis.
20:47And it's fucking up
20:48everybody's community.
20:50Everybody got a favorite pill.
20:54Everybody got a go-to.
20:58So when time get rough,
21:01there's a whole opioid crisis.
21:03They ain't even talking
21:04about it.
21:04You know why?
21:05Because ain't nobody
21:06going to fuck the jail.
21:08Ain't no houses
21:09getting raided.
21:10Ain't nobody
21:11being looked into.
21:12You know why?
21:14Because the dealer
21:15is your doctor.
21:20Look at niggas.
21:21It's Dr. Fauci?
21:23That is not
21:24your doctor,
21:25niggas.
21:27Stop wondering
21:27on your insurance
21:28paperwork.
21:33He's the only one
21:34I trust.
21:38They don't tell us shit.
21:40If they really
21:41want to lie to us,
21:42they don't tell us
21:43nothing about it at all.
21:46You notice they
21:46don't never fucking
21:47tell you where
21:48methamphetamines come from.
21:50They act like
21:51that shit come
21:51from a trailer park.
21:54That's one of the
21:54strongest drugs
21:56known to man.
21:57There ain't no other
21:58drug that make
21:59your teeth itch.
22:04But bitch,
22:05I don't even think
22:06teeth itch.
22:08You're scratching
22:09the shit out
22:10your mouth.
22:16Now I want you
22:17to know shit
22:18about motherfucking
22:20meth.
22:21Guess who the fuck
22:22discovered that shit
22:23and was the first
22:24to distribute
22:25and manufacture
22:26somebody we all
22:28motherfucking know
22:29to?
22:30Adolf Hitler.
22:32What?
22:34How the fuck
22:35did they leave
22:36that out the book?
22:38They told us
22:39the Nazis
22:40was the scariest
22:42military
22:43in the world.
22:46But they
22:47never told us
22:48what.
22:49They was not
22:50just making
22:51the meth.
22:52They rationing
22:54it to themselves
22:56every day.
22:59Put it in
23:00chocolate
23:00and coffee
23:01and tea.
23:03Fuck
23:04with the Nazis
23:05if you want
23:06to.
23:08Them motherfuckers
23:09is the only military
23:10don't need
23:11to eat
23:13or sleep
23:15as long
23:16as they got
23:17teeth to scratch.
23:24You fighting
23:25the Nazis
23:25you look out
23:26they are
23:28750 miles
23:30away.
23:31We'll see
23:32them bitches
23:33in three days
23:35and you
23:36go to sleep.
23:38When you
23:38wake up
23:39them bitches
23:40is in front
23:41of the house
23:43on the ring
23:44cab.
23:56They don't
23:57tell us shit.
23:59They lie
24:00to all of us.
24:02They lie
24:03to us
24:04because
24:05sometimes
24:05the truth
24:06is ugly.
24:08Sometimes
24:09the truth
24:10is painful
24:12but if
24:12you love
24:13the truth
24:13it's the
24:14motherfucking
24:15truth.
24:16But we
24:17all get
24:17lied to.
24:18Look at
24:19the Christians
24:19not us.
24:24Yep.
24:25Y'all
24:26too.
24:28Used to be
24:29you could
24:29count on
24:30the Christians
24:32to holler
24:32out a warning
24:33to your ass
24:35from time
24:36to time
24:36that you
24:37ain't
24:37even
24:37asked for
24:39they'll
24:39just
24:39throw
24:39it
24:40out
24:40there.
24:40It's
24:41the
24:41last
24:41days.
24:47Now the
24:48Christians
24:48don't say
24:49nothing
24:50now that
24:51there's
24:51real plagues
24:52outside.
24:53The
24:54Christians
24:54go into
24:55church
24:55on Sunday
24:55like
24:56Joe
24:56Biden.
25:03But the
25:04truth is
25:04all of us
25:05get lied to.
25:06Even the
25:07Christians.
25:08They'll lie to
25:09any of us.
25:10Because they
25:11just don't want
25:11you to know
25:12the fucking
25:12truth because
25:12you might feel
25:13good about
25:14yourself.
25:15It's only that
25:17when they
25:18don't want to
25:18tell you
25:19because they'll
25:19know it'll
25:19fuck you up.
25:21but it's
25:22the truth
25:22though.
25:23They made
25:24that whole
25:25garden of
25:25eating up.
25:28Putting
25:28slander on
25:29our Lord.
25:31Talking
25:32about an
25:32apple tree.
25:35Boy
25:36and they
25:36ate the
25:37apple.
25:38Hey
25:38bitch
25:39my God
25:39don't
25:40fuck
25:40with
25:40fruit
25:41like
25:41that.
25:41What
25:42the
25:42fuck?
25:43You
25:44act like
25:44God
25:44will
25:44put
25:45our
25:45whole
25:45life
25:46on
25:46the
25:46line
25:48over
25:48a piece
25:49of
25:49fruit
25:49bitch.
25:51If
25:51God
25:52didn't
25:52want
25:52you
25:52to
25:52eat
25:53the
25:53fruit
25:54him
25:55wouldn't
25:55have
25:55made
25:56the
25:56fruit.
25:58They
25:59just
25:59covering up
26:00a lie.
26:00Because
26:01the truth
26:01too
26:01painful.
26:02Ain't
26:03no
26:03motherfucking
26:04apple
26:04tree
26:04bitch.
26:06You
26:06are
26:07the
26:07tree.
26:07This
26:08the
26:08tree.
26:09You
26:09the
26:10tree
26:10bitch.
26:10You
26:10are
26:11the
26:11tree.
26:12Alright
26:12so
26:12if
26:13you
26:13the
26:13tree
26:14then
26:14what
26:15the
26:16is
26:16the
26:17fruit.
26:19This
26:19the
26:19fruit.
26:21If
26:21this
26:21tree
26:23this
26:23the
26:24fruit.
26:26The
26:26message
26:27was
26:29don't
26:30touch
26:30the
26:30fruit.
26:36They
26:37lied to the
26:37Christians
26:37too.
26:39Made
26:39up a
26:39whole
26:40bunch
26:40of
26:40religious
26:40stories
26:41because
26:41they
26:41didn't
26:41want
26:41you
26:41to
26:42know
26:42the
26:42truth
26:42because
26:42the
26:42truth
26:43is
26:43painful.
26:44The
26:44truth
26:44is
26:45your
26:46mama's
26:46a
26:46hoe.
26:51Look at
26:52the
26:52Christians
26:52that's
26:53far
26:53enough
26:54cat.
27:00Yep.
27:02That's
27:02the
27:02story
27:03of
27:03Genesis.
27:05Your
27:06mama's
27:06a hoe.
27:08Look at
27:08you and
27:09still don't
27:09even want
27:09to believe
27:10no.
27:12Yep.
27:13You're
27:13talking
27:13about
27:14the
27:14lady
27:14that
27:15fucked
27:16the
27:16man
27:16and
27:17the
27:17snake
27:18in front
27:19of
27:19God.
27:22This
27:22bitch
27:23was
27:23for
27:23the
27:23streets
27:265,000
27:27years
27:27before
27:28they
27:28came
27:28up
27:28with
27:28streets.
27:36But
27:37you
27:37believe
27:37the
27:37world
27:38is
27:38fucked
27:38up.
27:40Cause
27:40of
27:40fruit.
27:41No
27:42it
27:42ain't
27:42that.
27:44Adam
27:45was
27:46God's
27:46son.
27:47So
27:48who
27:48the
27:48fuck
27:49was
27:49Eve?
27:51That
27:51wasn't
27:52his
27:52motherfucking
27:52wife.
27:53That
27:53wasn't
27:53his
27:53girlfriend.
27:54That
27:54was
27:54God's
27:54daughter
27:55bitch.
27:57The
27:57fuck?
28:00That's
28:01incest
28:01bitch.
28:03That
28:04shit
28:04cannot
28:04be
28:05fixed.
28:06That's
28:07why
28:07they
28:07ratchet
28:07ass
28:08got
28:08thrown
28:08out
28:09the
28:09garden.
28:13There
28:13they
28:14got
28:14them
28:14as
28:14relationship
28:15goals.
28:22They're
28:23saying
28:23they
28:23lied
28:24to all
28:24of us.
28:25Don't
28:25want to
28:26tell us
28:26nothing
28:26about
28:27nothing?
28:28We
28:29done
28:29been
28:29to
28:29300
28:30planets
28:30in
28:31space.
28:32300
28:33Earth
28:35moon
28:38plus
28:38300.
28:42We
28:43done
28:43been
28:43there.
28:44Now you
28:45notice they
28:46ain't never
28:46bringing back
28:47no souvenirs.
28:53there's
28:53some shit
28:54they don't
28:54want you
28:54to know.
28:56Down
28:57here on
28:57this
28:57planet we
28:58know all
28:58about
28:59evolution.
28:59Don't
28:59we
29:00know
29:00evolution?
29:00We
29:00know
29:00exactly
29:01how
29:01it
29:01works.
29:01Don't
29:02we
29:02know
29:02life
29:02will
29:03find
29:04a
29:04way.
29:05It
29:06start
29:06out
29:06small
29:08and
29:08then
29:09it
29:09just
29:09get
29:09better
29:10and
29:10better
29:11and
29:11better
29:12and
29:12better.
29:13That's
29:14evolution.
29:15we
29:15done
29:16been
29:16to
29:16300
29:16motherfucking
29:17planets
29:17now.
29:18And
29:19guess
29:19what?
29:20It
29:20ain't
29:21no
29:21evolution.
29:24Or
29:24not
29:25none
29:25one
29:25of
29:26them
29:26goddamn
29:26planets.
29:28Not
29:29none.
29:29Not
29:29even
29:29a
29:30little
29:30titty
29:31night
29:31you
29:31bet.
29:32Just
29:33rocks
29:34and
29:34dirt.
29:35Uh-huh.
29:36Every
29:36single
29:37planet.
29:38Uh-huh.
29:38Because
29:38they
29:39found out
29:39the two
29:39most
29:40valuable
29:40things
29:41in the
29:41universe.
29:42Other
29:43than
29:43God,
29:43it
29:44ain't
29:44but
29:44two
29:44things
29:44valuable
29:45in
29:45the
29:45universe.
29:47Water
29:49and
29:50pussy.
29:55Look
29:55at the
29:55ladies.
29:56I'm
29:56sitting
29:56on
29:56one
29:57of
29:57them.
29:59Look
29:59at the
29:59Vegas
30:00professionals.
30:00I'm
30:01sitting
30:01on
30:01both
30:01of
30:02them.
30:04Yeah.
30:05Don't
30:06want to
30:06tell you
30:06that shit.
30:08Nothing
30:08else
30:08in the
30:08world
30:09means
30:09shit.
30:10Other
30:11than
30:11God,
30:12it's
30:12just
30:12water
30:13and
30:13pussy.
30:15Why?
30:15Because
30:15science
30:16ain't
30:16make
30:16them.
30:18God
30:18made
30:19them.
30:20You know
30:20how you
30:20know God
30:21made
30:21water,
30:22not
30:22science?
30:23Water
30:24is the
30:24only thing
30:25in the
30:25universe.
30:26You
30:26know
30:27the
30:27recipe
30:29and you
30:29can't
30:29make
30:30none.
30:34Say it
30:35one more
30:35time,
30:36cat,
30:36for the people
30:36put it on
30:37the back.
30:40Uh-huh.
30:42Anything
30:42else,
30:43you want
30:44to make
30:45it,
30:45you just
30:46need the
30:46recipe.
30:48As soon
30:48as you
30:49get it,
30:50you can
30:50make you
30:51something.
30:53Not
30:53this,
30:53though.
30:54God
30:55made
30:55this,
30:55and we
30:56all know
30:57the recipe,
30:57H to the
30:58two to
30:58the O.
31:01If you
31:01put an H
31:02and an O
31:02together by
31:03yourself,
31:04you just
31:05have a
31:05hoe.
31:10Now,
31:10you can
31:10leave a
31:11hoe to
31:11water,
31:11but she
31:12ain't
31:12gonna
31:12make
31:12none.
31:16Yeah,
31:18I don't
31:19give a
31:19fuck how
31:19good at
31:20science
31:20you are.
31:22You
31:22can't
31:23take
31:23hydrogen
31:24and put
31:24that with
31:25oxygen
31:25and come
31:26up with
31:26no type
31:27of water.
31:28Not
31:28tap
31:28water,
31:29not
31:30rain
31:30water,
31:31not
31:31flint
31:31water,
31:32nothing.
31:35That's
31:36because God
31:36made it.
31:37It can
31:38do five
31:39or six
31:39things by
31:40itself.
31:41It could
31:41be ice.
31:42You
31:43can swim
31:43in it,
31:44relax
31:45in it,
31:46bathe
31:46in it,
31:48swim
31:48in it,
31:49drown
31:49in it,
31:50die
31:50in it.
31:52Just
31:52like pussy.
31:53That's
31:53why they
31:53both on
31:54the list.
31:57Water
31:58and pussy.
32:02Why
32:03are you
32:03saying
32:03pussy,
32:04cat?
32:05Because
32:05it's
32:06the second
32:08greatest
32:08thing
32:08in the
32:08entire
32:09universe.
32:10It's
32:11something
32:11that
32:11exists
32:12that
32:13mathematically
32:14should
32:14not
32:15exist.
32:16The pussy
32:17is a fax
32:18machine
32:19before
32:20machines.
32:23You
32:23fuck me,
32:24I make
32:24a copy
32:25of you,
32:26nigga.
32:39woman
32:40understand,
32:42women
32:42don't
32:42have
32:43magical,
32:45supernatural
32:46powers of
32:46regrowth.
32:48If a woman
32:49cuts off
32:49her fingertips,
32:50she can't
32:50grow it
32:51back.
32:52But she
32:53can grow
32:53a whole
32:54life
32:56in her
32:57side jar
33:00and still
33:01deliver a
33:01delicious
33:02mango for
33:03you to
33:03eat later.
33:06Shouldn't
33:07exist,
33:08but it
33:09does.
33:12They don't
33:12want to
33:13tell you
33:13that,
33:14because you
33:14value it.
33:16I urge
33:17all men
33:18under the
33:18sound of
33:18my voice,
33:20if you
33:21don't have
33:21a pussy,
33:22get you
33:23one.
33:25They
33:26are a
33:26valued
33:27commodity
33:28in the
33:28universe.
33:32Look
33:33at some
33:33of the
33:33fellas,
33:34I have
33:34two.
33:38Later,
33:39they'll
33:39call it
33:39investing.
33:44They
33:44don't
33:45tell us
33:45shit.
33:47They
33:48don't
33:48want you
33:48to know
33:48you
33:48a
33:49superhero.
33:51Every
33:52last person
33:52in here is
33:53a
33:53motherfucking
33:53superhero.
33:56I know
33:56it don't
33:56feel like
33:57it tonight.
33:59200
33:59motherfucking
34:00years from
34:01now,
34:01they're
34:01going to
34:01be writing
34:01books about
34:02all of
34:03y'all.
34:04The
34:04motherfucking
34:05group of
34:06motherfuckers
34:06that did
34:07shit that
34:07cannot be
34:08done.
34:09These
34:10motherfuckers
34:10fought an
34:11op that
34:11cannot be
34:12fought.
34:14These
34:14motherfuckers
34:15op was
34:15air.
34:18They
34:18could die
34:18in any
34:19breath.
34:20And
34:21they're
34:21going to
34:21be talking
34:21about y'all.
34:22Real
34:22superheroes
34:22and it's
34:23that time
34:23you can
34:24change
34:24your whole
34:24life if
34:25you don't
34:25like your
34:26life.
34:27You ain't
34:27never got
34:28to commit
34:28suicide.
34:29You can
34:29just change
34:30bitch.
34:31Ladies,
34:32if you don't
34:32like the
34:32way you
34:33look for
34:34$22,000
34:35you can
34:36change
34:36this.
34:39You can
34:40go to the
34:40Dominican Republic
34:41and come
34:42back and
34:42nobody in
34:43your family
34:44will recognize
34:45you bitch.
34:47Bitch.
34:48Bitch.
34:51Bitch.
34:52Bitch.
34:52You just
34:53got to
34:53understand
34:54it's
34:54science
34:54and it's
34:55God.
34:56Just don't
34:56ignore
34:57God.
34:59Don't
35:00overdo
35:00it.
35:02God
35:03know what
35:03best for
35:03you.
35:05You
35:05don't know
35:06your spine
35:07is built
35:07to take
35:0890 pounds
35:09ladies.
35:10Some of your
35:11spines say
35:1190 pounds
35:13at the bottom.
35:14God wrote
35:15right there
35:1590 pounds.
35:17You
35:18don't
35:18wait
35:18to
35:18Dominican
35:18Republic
35:19and
35:19got
35:1972
35:20pounds
35:20of
35:21titties.
35:2368
35:23pounds
35:24of
35:24ass.
35:25Put it
35:26on that
35:26same
35:27stock
35:27frame.
35:29When
35:30you
35:30turn
35:3055
35:31bitch
35:31you
35:31are
35:31going
35:32to
35:32fold
35:32up
35:32like
35:32a
35:33fan
35:33at
35:33the
35:33nursery.
35:44But
35:45you
35:45can
35:45be
35:45a
35:45superhero
35:46though.
35:47Fellas
35:48they got
35:48a trap
35:48out there
35:49for us
35:49too.
35:51Sometimes
35:51Satan
35:51sounds
35:52just
35:52like
35:52the
35:53Lord.
35:56If
35:56you
35:56five
35:57foot
35:59Satan
35:59set
36:00a trap
36:00out
36:00there.
36:02They
36:02got a
36:02surgery
36:03five
36:03foot
36:03man
36:04they
36:04got
36:04a
36:04surgery
36:05only
36:06take
36:06one
36:07night.
36:08It
36:09gives
36:09you
36:09six
36:10inches
36:10of
36:10height
36:12overnight.
36:13Look
36:14at the
36:14short
36:14niggas.
36:15What?
36:17That's
36:17right.
36:18Walking
36:18that
36:19bitch
36:19five
36:19five
36:19come
36:20out
36:20six
36:20one.
36:23I was
36:24tempted.
36:27You know how much
36:28motherfucking money I got, bitch?
36:29I could be seven three right now.
36:33I'm talking to you niggas like it's red.
36:35I'm on my fourth procedure.
36:42But you got to trust God.
36:44Can't trust them science for everything.
36:48Yeah, yeah.
36:49As a fella, you gonna look good.
36:52Lean it on your car for six feet for the first time.
36:57But eventually some niggas gonna ask you to do some niggas shit.
37:02And you are not gonna be able to do that shit with your scientific legs.
37:08Soon as one nigga wanna play basketball and hit you with them,
37:13your whole body gonna break down, nigga.
37:19Nigga, you know these my new legs.
37:21I got these this weekend.
37:22You niggas know I ain't took these to the gym or nothing, nigga.
37:26I got two calves on each leg.
37:35Nobody can beat what God make.
37:38That's what make pussies so delicious.
37:42Over the pandemic, I was able to explore pussies I had never even...
37:47I had never even tried before.
37:49Different flavors and varieties.
37:52Mm.
37:53Mm.
37:53All delicious.
37:56I learned some shit.
37:58I learned I don't even have no preference.
38:00I just got two that I prefer...
38:04over the rest.
38:07But any gina is a good gina.
38:13Fellas, think about the worst piece of pussy you ever come across.
38:17That vagina was worth four penises.
38:23Treasure your vaginas.
38:24They're collectibles.
38:28It's true.
38:29My favorite type of all of them is the creamer.
38:36Ladies, don't do that.
38:38Look at the creamers.
38:47Ain't nothing like a creamer.
38:51Ladies, science has just found out that scientifically, for every one drop of cream your vagina produces, that is worth
39:0032 extra strokes from your man at any time.
39:10As a man, we could be just ready to quit.
39:13As a man, we could be just ready to quit.
39:39Any cream.
39:41Ladies, when science finds out what food makes vagina creamy, that shit ain't gonna stay on the ship.
39:55Who's gonna be gone?
39:58Look at the women with the dry coochie trying to look at me like they know how I'm talking about.
40:08Creams ain't unsanitary.
40:13Whoo.
40:15Ain't nothing fucking with that creamy now.
40:17Only thing better than the creamy is the squirter.
40:23Ladies, don't do that shit.
40:26No.
40:28Statistically, 65% of all men have heard of a squirter.
40:34But they ain't never been squirter to pop.
40:39So, when you ladies made that noise, it was men of all races doing the pop.
40:49Cuz if you come to Vegas to get a squirter, nigga, that's like winning a jackpot.
40:57Nothing is better than a squirter.
41:00Now, understand, as men, we never understood the squirt anyway.
41:08We always wondered why she wouldn't let us know beforehand that she planned on squirting.
41:24Fellas, scientifically, I found out women don't even know when they fit in the squirter.
41:37So, now it makes sense that they always look surprised when we look surprised.
41:50We always look like, hey, and they look like, I cannot believe this.
41:56Well, I didn't think I was this comfortable, but clearly you're doing something right.
42:02Ladies, if you could turn your head like an owl and look at your man back there being squirted on,
42:10you would find out that this is the greatest thing.
42:14Anything that can happen with a man and his penis.
42:19This is the standing ovation of the vagina world.
42:24If you could just turn around and see your man, he is back there looking like a seven-year-old
42:30in a sprinkler system.
42:32He is happier than he has ever been back there.
42:35Got to well.
42:51But now, everything God make you can't overdo it.
42:59God made sugar
43:01You eat too much sugar
43:02You die
43:05God made salt
43:06You can love salt all you want to
43:09If you eat too much
43:11You die
43:13God put something in all the shit
43:16Even with squirt
43:20If you had to go on a hundred city tour
43:23And experiment
43:25And you happen to run across
43:26Three hundred squirters
43:30Hypothetically
43:36You find out something
43:39Very interesting
43:41You find out
43:43For every drop of squirt
43:45There is a
43:47Small
43:49P-90
43:53Itty bitty
43:57Teeny
43:57Weeny
43:59Percentage of pee
44:04In all squirt
44:05Not a lot of pee
44:07Eleven percent
44:08Not a lot of pee
44:10Not a lot of pee
44:12Just enough pee for you to smell it one time
44:16In the morning
44:17Then never smell it again
44:18Never smell it again
44:31It's true
44:35All women are great women
44:37Get yourself one
44:39Pandemic taught me
44:40Ain't no wrong one
44:42All women is the right one
44:44Get yourself one
44:46Get yourself a big girl
44:48If you got a choice
44:50You need a big girl
44:51I was in the pandemic
44:52I tried
44:53I saw
44:53I conquered
44:54I felt it
44:55I know
44:56If you want to go through a pandemic
44:58Get you a big woman
44:59It'll be the easiest pandemic you ever
45:01You can trust a big woman
45:03You don't even know
45:05You don't even know you hungry
45:06And she already cooking
45:11You don't come and look at her first
45:12I think she got
45:15Big woman is perfect in the pandemic
45:18She do everything right
45:20If it's cold
45:22She'll heat up the whole room
45:25Cracking her legs one time
45:29If it's too hot
45:30She won't even touch you
45:31Skin to skin
45:32She don't want it to stick
45:36Fellas
45:37You get with a big girl
45:38You feel your body do some shit
45:39You ain't never felt your body do
45:41And your body ain't never been trained to do
45:43All you need to do
45:44Is get a big enough girl
45:45And you'll feel your body nestle
45:49Look at niggas
45:50What?
45:53If you ever roll over
45:54On a woman bigger than you
45:56You just
46:01The safest sleep you ever gonna have
46:03That's what I'm there
46:04I'm trying to tell you
46:09Yes
46:11All the women is exciting
46:13I got me a short girl
46:14I've never had a short girl before
46:15Because I'm short
46:17Fuck what I be doing with somebody short
46:19But I was missing out
46:21I didn't know there was that much fun
46:23I fucked the short girl in the car
46:24This bitch was in every chair in the car
46:26And me and my dick never moved
46:33She was just about that life
46:38I like a giant girl
46:41No disrespect to the tall girls
46:42I don't mean 5'9", 5'12", none of that
46:46I'm talking about 6'4", 6'5", huh?
46:49I'm talking about a giant woman
46:52How big you wanna get?
46:54Giant
46:55I want her so big
46:56If she cooking breakfast in the kitchen
47:00In one of them summer dresses
47:01I won't be able to slide up right between the vagina
47:04Without breaking a strand
47:11Grab that clitoris like a red-nosed pit
47:24I like a woman so big you gotta fuck her in two rooms
47:34That's why you got one of them WNBA girls
47:37You fuck her in two rooms
47:40I'm in the bedroom locked in for damage
47:57Every hundred and fifty strokes
47:58I go check on it in the living room
48:04How's that working out for you baby?
48:05Say look back there
48:06How am I doing?
48:07Oh I'm killing it
48:08Well I'm gonna take it to the bridge
48:09I'm gonna take it to the bridge
48:19Just saying I like it
48:23I like all the girls
48:25I ain't got no favorites
48:28But I'll say this
48:30If some women don't get their flowers at all
48:33It's a group of women around the whole world
48:35And nobody ever talks about
48:37And they keep everything going
48:40And they'll never get no credit
48:42We're gonna talk about them
48:43And give them their credit tonight
48:47Where's all the fellas in here
48:48Where the ugly woman makes some noise?
48:58Some people saw their whole marriage go before they
49:04Can't I trust in you?
49:09Look
49:15Oh
49:17Everybody in here with somebody ugly know better
49:18They just staring at me like this
49:32Nah
49:35You're supposed to want what you need
49:39You're supposed to want what you need
49:41When you was in the bathroom crying to the Lord
49:48You said send me the bitch I need
49:52That is the bitch you need
49:55Yeah
49:57Yeah
49:57Stop judging people
50:01By the outside only
50:02Fuck you and me
50:04The ugliest people be pretty
50:06They still ugly
50:10Every man in here with ugly woman
50:11Know something the world don't know
50:14She might be ugly to you
50:18But she ain't ugly to me
50:21I ain't gonna tell you why
50:23But sometimes you need an ugly woman
50:25An ugly woman will save your motherfucking life
50:33You can be famous being ugly
50:38All of us know the story of Harriet Tubman
50:44They don't tell us but two things about Harriet
50:48They tell us that she freed the slaves
50:55And she was ugly
51:03You fuck
51:05It's the truth
51:07It's what the fuck they say
51:08She freed the slaves
51:10And she was ugly
51:16It's a motherfucking lie
51:19Harriet
51:20Was motherfucking beautiful
51:24Slavery
51:25Was ugly
51:27One more time for the people in the back
51:32I say it
51:35Harriet was beautiful
51:38Slavery
51:38Was ugly
51:41Uh-huh
51:42Uh-huh
51:43And to free the slaves
51:47Harriet needed to be ugly
51:50Because the enemy was ugly
51:54Harriet wasn't the only woman out there freeing slaves
51:57There was another woman out there freeing slaves
52:00Her name was Beulah
52:03She was beautiful
52:04Looked like Tracee Ellis Ross
52:05Light skinned
52:06Hair down to her ass
52:07Bubble butt
52:08Smell like fruit and berries
52:09Everybody loved her
52:11Thousands of slaves followed Beulah
52:15But beautiful could get you
52:17Away from being a slave
52:18You needed ugly
52:20Because your life was on the line
52:23Bitch
52:23This real slavery
52:25You in the real woods
52:29It's really midnight
52:36And if anybody see you
52:38From an adult to a small child
52:41Your ass is dead
52:44Bitch
52:46And you going through them woods
52:58You hear them dogs coming from a distance
53:03And that's generally when niggas get scared
53:06Start running
53:06They get killed
53:10But you ain't had to be scared
53:12If you was with Harriet
53:14Them dogs will come
53:18And Harriet will get down
53:20Eye to eye with them dogs
53:30Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:32Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:33And you just hit it all
53:34Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:39Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:39Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:40Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:40Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:42Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:45Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:47Pull a pistol out of the panties
53:543,000 slaves followed that beautiful bitch and wound up on they same master's plantation at 3 in the afternoon.
54:07Damn it, you're out!
54:16Just gotta thank God for small blessings.
54:20I like all vaginas.
54:26But it's something about a big clit.
54:30Ladies, don't identify yourselves.
54:35I'm saying all clitorises are fine, but something about that big clit.
54:41Fellas, if you in here with big clit, I don't mean to be...
54:49disrespectful or nothing.
54:50I'm not gonna refer to it as that anymore.
54:52I'm gonna say,
54:54for any of the gentlemen here with B.C.
55:07I'll raise my hand.
55:07Now the fellas in here with big clit.
55:09I'll raise my hand.
55:10Don't raise your hand, sir.
55:13Said I'll raise my hand.
55:19Fellas, you ever...
55:21clitoris so big it shamed your penis?
55:25You just caught it at the wrong angle?
55:29Look at that problem.
55:31Did that bitch have a look at it?
55:36Some of the fellas looking at me because you don't know if your girl's clitoris is...
55:42big or...
55:43too big.
55:45But that ain't true.
55:47Because your body will let you know if the clitoris is too big.
55:54Fellas, you know your relationship with the vagina is a dance.
56:04You feel your body doing something that's unnatural.
56:09That's a red flag.
56:11So if you eating the pussy and you feel yourself doing something you ain't never done while eating pussy.
56:16You feel yourself go...
56:26Abort mission!
56:28That's a jigsaw can move!
56:32If you eat pussy you feel yourself go...
56:38Fellas, you ever had to hold the glitters with both your fingers?
56:43You catch yourself in a myriad?
56:49I am sucking this bitch penis!
56:52I am sucking this bitch penis!
57:03In conclusion...
57:08There ain't nothing like that big clitoris cause that...
57:11I won't shut up.
57:14You hear that big clitoris talking?
57:17Shut up!
57:21It be alright for us fellas when it first start but...
57:24When it don't stop growing we don't know what to do.
57:29So...
57:33You be taking the clitoris at his regular side.
57:37And you licking that motherfucker swell up in your mouth.
57:49Fellas, if you've never licked up under your woman's clitoris, it means...
57:53Thank y'all so much Vegas!
57:55Have a good night and God bless y'all!
57:56I appreciate that!
57:57I appreciate that!
57:57I get up!
57:58I be lying!
57:58You got zoppin' we wrong!
57:59I get up!
58:00I get up!
58:00I get up!
58:01I get up!
58:02I get up!
58:03I get up!
58:04I get up!
58:11I get up!
58:14I get up!
58:15I got zoppin' it's raw!
58:15I wanna fly!
58:16Put this Zaza in the sky!
58:19Hang right on the inside!
58:22Yeah!
58:22All my s**ts dyin'!
58:23And that president be lying!
58:25I got zoppin' it's raw!
58:26I wanna fly!
58:26Losing my cool, I'm losing my patience!
58:29You using your stimulus just a-losing in Vegas!
58:31I see a lot of APs, I see a lot of Rolexes!
58:34Ima buy em' off for these s**ks right after the Demic!
58:36I can show you a style, I can show you a rapper
58:39After all this shit that happened, though, we gotta be brothers
58:42Cal Williams said we good, then we better than that
58:44But we get shot and nothing happens, how we settle for that?
58:47You see my culture expensive, that's why they pander to us
58:50It be you Terry Crews, tab dancing for that
58:52I never let nobody last to treat me lesser than them
58:55You can't have no Mr. Childs eating Panda Express
58:57I'm burning stage in the studio before I let s*** in
59:00I leave my weapon by the speaker so they hearing me clear
59:03I mean the money be cool, I did amazing this year
59:06I mean I'm famous but I'm drained, I need some prayer for real
59:08And I'm so tired, all I need is good vibes
59:13Stay right on this side
59:15All my s*** is dying and that president be lying
59:18I got zoppin' this rock when I fly
59:20Put this outside in the sky
59:23Stay right on this side
59:26All my s*** is dying and that president be lying
59:28I got zoppin' this rock when I fly
59:31Yeah, you know, slick as El Gato
59:33Don't worry about the kicks, nah slim, you ain't got those
59:35Rest in peace, y'all
59:38You
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