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00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:31Honey, I'm home!
01:00Welcome back to Dirty Dare!
01:04As you can see, I've covered both our contestants with chunks of meat.
01:09Next, we're going to throw them into the pit of wild dogs,
01:13where they'll try and find the one unlocked door that leads to safety,
01:17and our grand prize $25 savings bond, and candy!
01:22Ha-ha!
01:24Sound easy?
01:26Well, it won't be wearing these high heels!
01:30Ha-ha!
01:31Come on, come on! It's all in front!
01:33Ha-ha!
01:36I did!
01:37Glad!
01:38You know, there's a lot of housework to do,
01:40and it wouldn't hurt any of you to get off your big green butts
01:43and give me a hand around here.
01:45Jeez!
01:46Fran, what you choose to do in your free time's up to you.
01:49We want to watch television.
01:51And now that we have cable,
01:53our TV's become a rocket slant to adventure.
01:56Buckle up, kids!
01:57Yeah!
01:58Hi, and welcome to the Hat Channel.
02:0024 hours a day of hat news, hat features, and hat happenings.
02:04Oh, great, hat news.
02:06Oh, Fran, there's so much out there to see and do,
02:09and now we can experience it all without leaving our chairs.
02:12The fire swept through two square city blocks.
02:16Miraculously, no hats were damaged.
02:19Yippee, there's a piece of good news.
02:21Dad, you're lingering.
02:23Oh, right.
02:26Hello, you're on the air, and I'm just listening.
02:29Did you have a personal problem you wanted to talk about?
02:32Yes, it's my son.
02:33He won't speak to me.
02:34Really?
02:35That's too bad.
02:36Kids can be like that.
02:38Well, good luck.
02:40Hello, you're on the air.
02:42What's on your mind today?
02:43Hi, my name's Lynn, and I've got a problem with my boss.
02:47Oh, gee, Lynn, problems at work are the worst.
02:50I hope everything turns out okay.
02:52Bye.
02:53Hi, I'm just listening.
02:55What's your problem?
02:56It's amazing, isn't it, Mike?
02:58Not only does it give my car a showroom shine,
03:00it also improves my gas mileage and it cured my spastic colon.
03:03Wait a minute.
03:05Oh, I know it's hard to believe, Fran,
03:06but they couldn't say it if it wasn't true.
03:08No, no, no.
03:08Go back to that talk show.
03:11Fran, I'm paying for 162 stations here,
03:14and I'm not going to waste my money
03:16looking at just one of them for more than eight seconds.
03:18But at least the last one had real dinosaurs talking about real problems.
03:22Ho, ho, kids.
03:24Huh?
03:24Looks like the cable bug's got your mother.
03:27Slide over and welcome her to the dynamic world
03:29of watching other folks doing stuff.
03:31Yeah, come on, Mom.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Hello, you're on the air.
03:34Hi, my name's Liz, and I have a really big problem.
03:37Oh, that's too bad.
03:39Let's take another call.
03:40Hello, you're on the air.
03:45Yellow, you're on the air, and I'm just listening.
03:48Yeah, hi, Frank.
03:48I don't think my life's worth living anymore.
03:50I'm talking to you from a cellular phone,
03:51and I'm on this real high ledge.
03:52Boy, that's rough.
03:54Hope you get over it,
03:55and look, if things work out, give us a jingle.
03:57Ah, Doug!
04:00Hungry!
04:00Closer!
04:01Come on, come on!
04:02Hello, Mama!
04:06You know what the problem is with this show?
04:08It's the host.
04:10He doesn't do anything.
04:13I'm going to call him.
04:14What?
04:15Hey, where you going?
04:17I'm hungry!
04:33Oh, look what I made.
04:36Art.
04:37You're on the air.
04:39What's your problem?
04:40Hi, my name's Fran.
04:41I've been watching your show since yesterday,
04:43and I'd like to make a suggestion.
04:45It's the mama!
04:46The mama fell in the TV!
04:48I think that instead of just listening to dinosaurs tell you their problems,
04:52you should try to help them.
04:54Well, it's always nice to hear suggestions.
04:56Thanks for calling.
04:57No, I'm serious.
04:58You could give them advice.
05:00Tell them things that might actually solve their problems.
05:04That's fascinating.
05:05Well, uh, got to take another call.
05:06Excuse me, Fran, is it?
05:08Yes.
05:08Great.
05:09The name's Jerry Valentine.
05:10I'm the show's producer.
05:11I think you may be onto something here with this whole advice angle.
05:14Hang on, Jerry.
05:15Jerry, I don't give advice.
05:16I just listen.
05:17See?
05:17Just listening.
05:18You know, you are so threatened by the tiniest suggestions.
05:21Isn't that interesting?
05:23Well, thanks for your opinion.
05:23Well, the lady gave me an idea,
05:24and if you could just give it half a chance...
05:27Look, Jerry, as long as I'm here, I'm just listening.
05:30You got that?
05:31And if you don't like it, you can find yourself a new host.
05:35I appreciate you're sending the car for me,
05:38but I do have a roast in the oven.
05:39Look, forget the roast.
05:41You've got talent, kid.
05:42I mean, talent is a divine gift.
05:45To squander it would be a sin.
05:47Now, don't say anything to upset the sponsor.
05:49Here we go.
05:50What?
05:50And now it's time for Just Advising
05:52with your host, Fran Sinclair.
05:53Wait a minute.
05:54What do you mean, don't upset the sponsor?
05:56Jerry?
05:57Yeah.
05:57What do you think I should...
05:59Likes.
06:00Yes.
06:01And...
06:02Hi.
06:02Action.
06:03I'm Fran.
06:04Yeah.
06:06Huh?
06:06Come on.
06:08Take a call.
06:10Huh?
06:12Push the button, Fran.
06:16Oh, uh...
06:17Uh, hello.
06:18Oh.
06:19Uh, hello.
06:20Hi, Fran.
06:21The reason I'm calling is I'm not sure,
06:23but I think my husband may be having an affair.
06:26Oh.
06:27Well, uh, gee, maybe, um,
06:29maybe you should ask him.
06:31Ask him?
06:32Wow.
06:33Incredible advice.
06:35Thanks.
06:36Oh, powerful stuff, Fran.
06:38Yeah?
06:39Groundbreaking.
06:40Do it again.
06:41Oh.
06:43Uh, hello.
06:44You're on the air.
06:45Hi, Fran.
06:46Love your show.
06:47Never miss it.
06:47Thanks, but I've only been on about a minute.
06:49Well, you're doing a great job.
06:51Listen, I'm having a problem with my teenage son.
06:53Oh.
06:53Now, he refuses to walk on his hind legs
06:56like the rest of the family.
06:57Should I snap his neck or what?
06:59Well, if it were my son,
07:00I wouldn't snap his neck right off the bat.
07:02He may just be going through a phase.
07:04You're right, you're right.
07:05I've been terribly unfair.
07:06Thank you, Fran.
07:07You've saved my life and my sons.
07:09Yes.
07:11Men, do you suffer from short attention spans?
07:14Yeah.
07:16Why don't you try letting your husband think
07:18he's won the argument
07:19and then do what you want anyway?
07:20I know that's what I do with my husband.
07:23Hey, Earl, isn't that your wife?
07:25Hello, you're on the air.
07:27Gee, and I thought you brought the TV in
07:29so we could watch the game.
07:31What's your wife doing with the job?
07:32Yeah, wives don't work.
07:35They're wives.
07:35If they work, they'd be husbands.
07:37Yeah.
07:38That's not my wife or my husband.
07:42Boy, I have to make a phone call
07:44about something totally unrelated.
07:48Oh.
07:49Well, sure looks like Fran.
07:51And she's got the same name.
07:53But it's absurd that she should have her own TV show.
07:57Maybe it's her sister.
07:59Roy, that's nuts.
08:00Her sister wouldn't have the same name.
08:02I don't know.
08:03My brother Roy says it happens more than you think.
08:07Ugh.
08:08Well, I don't know.
08:10Now just tell your husband
08:11not to take the whole paper with him.
08:14Hi, you're on the air.
08:16Uh, hello.
08:17Is this my wife?
08:18Please say no.
08:20Earl?
08:20Oh, jeez.
08:22Hey, Earl.
08:23Hey, Earl.
08:24You're on TV.
08:27Earl's wife's got a job.
08:30What's going on out here?
08:31Huh?
08:32Oh.
08:33Uh, uh, nothing.
08:34Uh, nothing at all.
08:35Uh, we're just having fun at Earl's expense, sir.
08:38Oh, humiliation.
08:39Great stuff.
08:40I want in.
08:41Channel 86, boss.
08:43Ah!
08:45Earl, I'm working.
08:47But that's impossible.
08:48You were in the kitchen just this morning.
08:50Can we please talk about this at home?
08:53Ugh.
08:54Yeah, Earl.
08:55After you make dinner.
08:56Dinner.
08:57That's great.
08:59Guys, I'd like to be alone with my wife, please.
09:02Uh, Roy, turn off the set.
09:04Oh, no problem, Pally Boy.
09:06Here you go.
09:07Complete privacy.
09:08Hey, what'd you do that for?
09:10Roy, give me that.
09:12There.
09:13Earl, I can't talk about this now.
09:15I have other calls.
09:17We will talk about it now, friend.
09:19Because I say so.
09:21And I am the mighty mayor.
09:31Hey, she got you, Sinclair.
09:33Made you look like a thundering boob
09:35in front of millions of viewers.
09:47And so the woolly mammoth learned
09:49if you marry something smaller than you,
09:52You have to always be careful where you step.
09:54Ooh. Tough lesson.
09:56Mm-hmm.
09:57Read another one.
09:58No, I think that's enough for now.
10:00Okay.
10:02Then feed me! Feed me!
10:04That I can do.
10:06Good, good, good. Feed me!
10:11Baby bottle, please.
10:19Ah, good, good, good. Ha, ha, ha.
10:21Ah, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
10:23Hmm.
10:26Will you look at this?
10:27My wife goes off and gets a job
10:30and leaves our precious bundle of joy here all alone.
10:33I'm here.
10:34Fine, all alone with Monica.
10:37Earl, the baby and I are getting along just fine.
10:40Monica, you can't possibly replace the bond of love
10:43between a parent and a child.
10:46Poor motherless thing.
10:48Knock the Monica!
10:51I think I can handle it from here.
10:53Hi, Dad.
10:55Is Mom back from work yet?
10:56Oh, would you look at them?
10:57What?
10:58Orphans crying out for their mother.
10:59Huh?
11:00Wailing against this injustice.
11:02Well, personally, I'm proud of her.
11:04Yeah, hey, she's practically a celebrity.
11:06Yeah.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Jeez.
11:07Jeez.
11:09Look, you two, when your mother gets home,
11:11you better act betrayed and abandoned
11:12or you're both out of here.
11:14Uh-huh.
11:14Daddy.
11:15Earl, Fran's now a working female.
11:16Jeez.
11:17She's under a lot of pressure.
11:19Yeah.
11:19And right now, what she needs more than anything
11:21from her loving husband is understanding,
11:24compassion, and support.
11:25Not a chance, Tootsie.
11:27Ooh.
11:27I see your radical agenda at work here.
11:30What agenda?
11:30You want to get all the wives out of the houses
11:33and into the workforce so they're fulfilled.
11:36And the husbands have a new respect for them.
11:38And the sexes live together in harmony.
11:40And then, uh...
11:43Well, I don't have all the pieces to your diabolical scheme.
11:46But you sense it's a threat to your male-dominated world.
11:48You got that right, chicky.
11:50Uh-huh.
11:52You gotta stop hitting your daddy on the head with that juice bottle.
11:55I'm home!
11:57Oh.
11:58Uh, how can I say this nicely?
12:00Get out!
12:02You two, act abandoned.
12:04No way.
12:05Hey!
12:05Look hungry!
12:10Sorry.
12:11Bye, kids.
12:13Good luck.
12:14Where have you been?
12:15I was out.
12:16Out!
12:17My point exactly.
12:18You were out at some job I didn't even know about
12:21when you should have been here putting dinner on a table.
12:24What's that on the table?
12:26Dinner.
12:27Wow, take-out food.
12:28And it's still kicking.
12:29Very expensive.
12:30Oh, I see your little game.
12:33You skip out on the family.
12:34Then you try to weasel your way back in
12:36with expensive culinary delights we can't possibly afford.
12:40Spit that out!
12:41Ow!
12:42It's going back to the restaurant.
12:44Hey!
12:45I had a hat.
12:46Oh.
12:47Oh.
12:49Here you go.
12:50Yeah.
12:51Thanks.
12:53Earl, we can't afford it.
12:54I got an advance on my first week's salary.
12:57I know.
12:57It's very exciting.
12:59You got yourself a little job,
13:00and you're making yourself a little money.
13:07I got an advance on my first week's salary.
13:15He-he!
13:15He-he!
13:16He-he!
13:17He-he!
13:18He-he!
13:19He-he!
13:19He-he!
13:20He-he!
13:21He-he!
13:22Check out the tie.
13:23Matching plan.
13:24Oh.
13:25Can't even see it.
13:27Yeah, sure sign of quality.
13:29Oh, yeah.
13:30Oh, and check out the handkerchief.
13:32What handkerchief?
13:34My styling or what?
13:37So what gives? You win the lottery?
13:40Maybe a rich relative got eaten?
13:42It's the wife.
13:45Oh, gee, sorry to hear that.
13:47I always liked Fran.
13:49No, no, she's still alive.
13:51And what's better, she's making money.
13:53Hey.
13:54And I'm being taken care of.
13:57Oh.
13:58I think I'll go and get my nails done today.
14:00And maybe bikini wax.
14:02Hey, hey, hey, hey.
14:03Hey, Earl.
14:04Nice hat.
14:06Yeah.
14:06Hey, what's that smell?
14:08Oh, that.
14:09It's an expensive fragrance of Fran Godley.
14:12Nice hat.
14:13Makes me feel as fresh as a bright summer's day.
14:16Gee, sometimes I feel not so fresh.
14:21Sinclair, now!
14:23All right.
14:24He forgot to say get in here.
14:26Well, I think he feels comfortable enough with us that he doesn't have to.
14:30Thanks for calling.
14:32And line two?
14:33Yes, my captain?
14:34Your wife's show.
14:36Oh, it's completely out of my hands, sir.
14:38There's almost nothing that I...
14:39My wife loves it.
14:41Oh, thank you, sir.
14:42I always try to encourage my friend to speak her mind.
14:45But I hate it.
14:46But not to speak her mind so much that it could possibly bother or offend anyone.
14:50That was her idea completely.
14:52Look, I kind of like the part where she uses you as her idiot example and you get humiliated.
14:58No.
14:59But what I don't like is, it's put ideas into my wife's head.
15:03No.
15:03And my wife's head is no place for ideas.
15:06No.
15:06No wife's head is.
15:08It's too dangerous.
15:09Dangerous.
15:09It could rip apart the very fabric of our society.
15:12Fabric?
15:12You understand.
15:13I...
15:16I want to so badly.
15:17Get your wife off the TV!
15:20Ah, well, that could be difficult, sir.
15:23You see, she's fulfilled and happy in making what I'd have to call an obscene amount of money.
15:27Hmm.
15:30Earl.
15:31I don't want to meddle into your personal affairs.
15:34But as your friend and mentor, I advise you to be careful.
15:40Am I in more danger than usual, sir?
15:42Why, sure!
15:44Wife starts making money, next thing you know she'll want to have more of what they call...
15:49Input.
15:52Oh, yeah, very dangerous.
15:56Female starts to make money, she tends to get more bossy around the house.
16:01Input.
16:02Watch out for it.
16:04Well, that's not gonna happen with my Freddy.
16:07Cause before I let her input me, I'm gonna take all the stuff she bought me, load it in the
16:13car, and return some of it.
16:15Huh!
16:20Friend, I'm home and I'm starving.
16:24Is dinner ready?
16:25Earl, I'm home and I'm starving.
16:28Is dinner ready?
16:34Dinner?
16:35Aw, I'd love some, thank you.
16:38Well then, why don't you make something?
16:40Oh, Earl, I'm too tired.
16:42Would you mind running out and picking something up?
16:46Money.
16:48I see, I see.
16:51So, this is your input into the dinner decision, is it?
16:56Would you rather we just had something delivered?
16:58Oh, something delivered?
17:00Some more input, hey, Fran?
17:03What are you talking about?
17:05Right, that's it.
17:06Job's over.
17:08Tomorrow you quit.
17:09I am not quitting.
17:11Oh, yes you are, Fran.
17:12No, I'm not, Earl.
17:13I've made my decision and I am the husband.
17:16Need I say more?
17:19Husbands can be so pig-headed.
17:21Maybe I needed to say more.
17:23That's why communication is so important.
17:25Uh, when you say communication, do you mean like throwing a frying pan at him?
17:30Something like that?
17:31Well, I've certainly wanted to do that with my husband.
17:34But I'm sure it's not easy being a male dinosaur, working your tail off day after day, getting yelled at
17:41by your boss, just so your family can have a better life.
17:45Now that I'm working, I know what the pressure feels like, and it makes me more sympathetic to what males
17:50must go through.
17:51Although it's not always easy.
17:53Hey, I wonder if that was meant for me.
17:55Well, I think you married yourself a pretty deep dinosaur there, Pally Boy.
17:59Yeah, well, she does the best she can.
18:02Yeah.
18:04Sir?
18:05Hey, that's lunch.
18:06Whoa.
18:06Long morning, huh?
18:08Yeah.
18:08Hey, let's go see what's on the truck.
18:10You got it.
18:11Oh, yeah.
18:12Hi, this is Fran.
18:13You're on the air.
18:14Hi, Fran.
18:14It's Frank.
18:15I used to have this show when it was called Just Listening.
18:18You remember?
18:19Oh, sure, Frank.
18:21How have you been?
18:22Just fine, thanks.
18:23I got to admit, giving advice is a big improvement over just listening.
18:27Yeah?
18:27But I think your audience, Fran, is ready for the next step.
18:31Something more visual.
18:32Oh?
18:33Like what?
18:34Off the top of my head, why don't you have couples that don't get along come on the show and
18:38resolve their problems by throwing things at each other?
18:40Oh, I don't know.
18:42That just sounds like a shameless grab for ratings.
18:45Frank?
18:45Yeah, Jerry.
18:46Listen.
18:47Run that throwing thing concept by me again, will you?
19:00Yuck!
19:01What's the matter with you?
19:03This milk tastes bad.
19:05It's all that's left.
19:07Deal with it.
19:11I feel better now.
19:14I can't believe this.
19:15I threw these dirty clothes on the floor this morning.
19:18I come home tonight and they're still there.
19:20I mean, what's going on?
19:21Mom's working.
19:22That's why we're drinking sour milk.
19:24You know, I was all for this mom gets the job thing when it was just more money, but now
19:28it's starting to inconvenience me.
19:30I mean, these clothes are not getting any cleaner.
19:33Well, why don't you just go and wash them?
19:35Oh, yeah?
19:36Well, why don't you just go buy some more milk?
19:38Oh, yeah?
19:39Yeah.
19:40Well, look what's happening to us.
19:42What?
19:43I'm sorry.
19:44I'm not seriously suggesting you do your own laundry.
19:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:48Yes, he is.
19:49Yeah.
19:50I'm sorry, too.
19:52I know you're not the enemy.
19:54That's right.
19:55Mom is.
19:55Mom is.
19:56Hi, kids.
19:57Dad?
19:58Dad, listen, listen.
19:59Remember when you wanted us to gang up against Mom?
20:01Well, we're ready now.
20:03Yeah.
20:03Definitely.
20:04Look, kids.
20:05I know times are tough, but your mom's out there doing something she finds enriching and rewarding.
20:10So...
20:10Yeah.
20:10So until she realizes it's not, we've all got to pitch in and take over her chores.
20:15Ah.
20:17Dinner.
20:18Can't you just remarry?
20:20Where's the mama?
20:22Oh?
20:22You want the mama?
20:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:24No problem.
20:25She's coming right up.
20:29Welcome back to Just Throwing with Frank.
20:33Oh!
20:34I should never have asked you out!
20:36Oh!
20:38Oh, you and your dirty socks!
20:40Hey!
20:41Where's the mama?
20:43I don't know.
20:44I'm right here.
20:45Oh, there's the mama!
20:46Your mama got out of the TV!
20:49Franny, what are you doing here?
20:51I quit my job.
20:52You quit?
20:53Oh, hallelujah!
20:56Oh, I'm sorry, Fran.
20:58I know I should be more supportive, but...
21:00Gee, that's good news.
21:03Well, what happened, Mom?
21:04Yeah.
21:04They wanted the show to have more...
21:06What do they call it?
21:07Oh, yeah.
21:08Edge.
21:11Ooh!
21:12Yay!
21:15Hey, I was watching that!
21:17It's better not to...
21:18Oh.
21:19Well, glad to have you back, Mom.
21:20Here's your apron.
21:22Yeah.
21:22And here's the laundry.
21:23Yeah.
21:24We missed you.
21:25But now you're back where you belong.
21:27Home for good.
21:30Mama!
21:30Good time, yo, Mom.
21:32Thank you, everyone.
21:35Oh.
21:37Mama's back!
21:38But I'm not home for good.
21:40What?
21:41Oh!
21:43You mean you're going out to pick up dinner?
21:45Yeah.
21:45No, I mean I enjoyed working, and I'm going to look for another job.
21:48What?
21:49Oh!
21:50Oh!
21:50Earl, it's just a job.
21:52I'll still be your wife, and I'll still be your mother.
21:56Yeah.
21:56I'll always be those things.
21:58But that doesn't mean that's all I am.
22:02Well, if it's a job you really want, then I say, what's in it for us?
22:09Yeah.
22:09My happiness, Earl.
22:11And if one member of this family isn't happy, then none of us will be.
22:15Believe me, that's the truth.
22:16Oh, Fran, I guess we could try.
22:19It's just I don't know anything about running the house.
22:21For instance, on these frozen dinners, when they say preheat the oven,
22:27do they mean the whole oven or just the space inside it?
22:30Oh.
22:31Why don't I cook dinner tonight?
22:33Then afterwards, we'll have a few drinks, send the kids up to bed,
22:38and then I'll introduce you to the kitchen.
22:42The...
22:47Home and Ability
22:50...
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