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00:31Honey, I'm home.
01:04All right. Here comes the grandma train. Open the tunnel. Choo-choo.
01:13It's delicious. Nom-nom.
01:18You eat it!
01:20You want to open your mouth or you want me to feed you to a pterodactyl?
01:31Oh, look at the good boy eating his supper. Was he any trouble, Mom?
01:36No, dear. He was a perfect angel.
01:42More, please.
01:45I met the nicest male in the invertebrate aisle. He helped me chisel off some frozen squid.
01:51Oh, hello, you little sweet thing. Grandma giving you a good dinner.
01:56Mwah!
01:57Whoa, the mama out of nowhere asking all kinds of questions.
02:00Huh.
02:01And gone. Mama here. Mama gone. Where's the mama? Gotta have the mama. The mama!
02:05Okay.
02:07There.
02:09And I ran into the same male in the parking lot. He helped carry my cart. I don't know why.
02:16I mean, it had wheels. But still, it was very considerable.
02:19Why shouldn't the male be interested? You still got your figure.
02:22Oh, stop. I'm a mother of three.
02:24Hello, family. And Ethel.
02:27Look at your father. Say hello to the big loser.
02:30Loser!
02:32Am not.
02:33How was your day, Earl?
02:35Uneventful, which is always good. Anything new here on the home front?
02:39Fran met a new friend in the squid aisle.
02:41Uh-huh.
02:42He helped me with my cart.
02:43Oh, that's nice.
02:45To the male of the house. Oh, I believe that's me.
02:50Loser!
02:50It's refreshing to meet a genuinely nice dinosaur once in a while.
02:55Oh, boy.
03:03What is it, Earl?
03:05Oh, uh, it's nothing.
03:07It's funny, but nothing. I'm just chuckling at its complete lack of anything.
03:13Earl, do you want some mint jelly with your squid cakes?
03:17Whatever, my sweet.
03:18By the way, uh, this, this, this fellow you met over at the market,
03:23he was, uh, short, delicate, little wisp of a thing, perhaps?
03:28No, he was quite tall.
03:30But, uh, hunched over, uh, and feeble?
03:35No. He must have been at least 50 feet high.
03:38It was hard to tell. There were clouds in front of his face.
03:43Gary. His name was Gary.
03:46Terror has a new name. Gary.
03:50Oh, it's nice stationery.
03:52From the law offices of Spike Back, Rib Crusher, and Fenske.
03:58Dear Mr. Sinclair, I'm writing to you on behalf of my client, Gary,
04:02who met your wife at the supermarket and who would like to take her as his mate.
04:07Under Section 412, Article 9 of the Code of the Wilderness.
04:12He is entitled to do so after a brief struggle which you have no chance of surviving,
04:18insofar as my client is nine times your size and undefeated.
04:22Gary will arrive at your house Friday at 6 o'clock to take possession of your family and home.
04:28Friday.
04:30Friday?
04:34P.S.
04:36Should you need assistance in preparing your will, we hope you will think of us first.
04:42Gee, that's nice of them.
04:44I know they just crawled out of the sludge and I hate to be critical of other life forms, but...
04:48God, I hate lawyers.
04:50Well, what does Fran think about all of this? After all, she is the female in question.
04:55I haven't told her. I wanted to work out my plan first.
04:59No kidding! You got a plan?
05:01Yeah, it's pretty simple, really.
05:03Gary arrives at 6 o'clock and I'm dead by 6.03.
05:07Maybe 6.05 if I can hold the bathroom door closed.
05:10Well, Pally Boy, just be glad you're living during the apex civilization.
05:15You know, in the olden days, a guy like Gary there would have just snuck up behind you and bit
05:20off your pelvis.
05:21Now, you get a nice embossed letter.
05:24Hey, what is this? Cotton bond?
05:27Will you forget about the stationery?
05:29I'm about to get dismembered in my own living room.
05:32All right, all right.
05:33Now, strictly speaking, I'm not qualified to serve as counsel.
05:36However, in cases like this, there is an escape clause.
05:40There is? What is it?
05:42Well, basically, you're entitled to escape from his clause.
05:46The code of the wilderness clearly states that you have the legal right to run away like a scared bunny.
05:52So, if I stay, I die in big, embarrassing pieces.
05:57But if I flee, I'm cast out as a coward for the rest of my days.
06:02Hmm.
06:04They both have their advantages.
06:08And the little train learned that if you try and try and try, you can do anything.
06:16Not true.
06:18Without fiber in your diet, you can try till you're blue in the face.
06:23Again, again, again!
06:25All right, this time we'll read one of my books.
06:29It's called Lost in the Swamp.
06:31Mother, children's stories.
06:33Of course, dear.
06:35Hey, Mom, check this out.
06:36Once upon a time, Kirk stood poised on the diving board, his tail glistening in the sun.
06:44Oh!
06:46A delivery guy just brought this.
06:52Oh, it's from that nice fellow Gary I met at the market.
06:56He says he's coming Friday to crush Earl, take the house and kids, and make me his loving bride.
07:04That's so romantic.
07:07He sent over some of his laundry so I could get a head start.
07:10Oh.
07:11I don't get it.
07:11What's going on?
07:12Code of the Wilderness.
07:14Your father's been challenged to a fight to the death.
07:16What?
07:17Fran, how does Earl stack up to this guy?
07:22Wow, this is a sock.
07:25Congratulations, you're a widow.
07:28But I like Dad.
07:29You're just used to him.
07:31Look, it's not fair I just get handed over to some new guy.
07:34Sweetheart, trust me, you're trading up.
07:37I'm alone in here.
07:44Robbie, would you please go look after your brother?
07:46Alright, but I'd like to go on record here.
07:49I'm pretty sure killing Dad is wrong.
07:55Mother, how can you talk like this?
07:57I love Earl.
07:59I can't imagine living without Earl.
08:01That's sweet.
08:05Alright, we've mourned long enough.
08:07What do you say we start cleaning out his closets?
08:09Oh, I can't believe Earl didn't mention this.
08:12He's been carrying this burden all by himself.
08:15Yeah, yeah, he's a saint.
08:16He didn't even blame me.
08:17A lesser male would have, but not my Earl.
08:22You!
08:23You flirt with some mastodon one in the invertebrate aisle, and now I'm gonna die.
08:29Earl, it wasn't like that.
08:30Oh, yes it was.
08:32Oh, there you were.
08:34Pushing your cunts seductively down the aisle.
08:37Swinging that tail for the whole world to see.
08:40Excuse me, Mr. 90-foot husband killer.
08:43I can't reach the top shelf.
08:45But if you could just get that can of peas for me, you could have my whole family.
08:50Earl, you're being ridiculous.
08:55Hello?
08:56No, Gary's not here yet.
08:59Friday.
09:00He'll be here Friday and then forever.
09:03Okay, alright, I'll take a message.
09:06Stan, yeah, uh-huh.
09:07Brunch, sundae?
09:09Right, got it.
09:10Alright, I'll tell him.
09:13Earl, you didn't have to do that.
09:15I know how mad I get when I don't get my messages.
09:18Hey, what the heck is this?
09:21It's Gary's sock.
09:22He thinks I'm going to do his laundry.
09:24His laundry?
09:25He thinks you're gonna do his sock?
09:27His foot?
09:29How many of these feet does he have?
09:31Earl, listen to me.
09:33There's only one thing you can do.
09:35You have to go away forever and never come back.
09:38You have to do that because I love you.
09:41And I want you to be safe.
09:43Oh, friend.
09:44It seems so wrong to give up my whole family on account of one sock.
09:56You're saying you want me to leave town?
09:58Earl, if I can't have you here with me, I want to at least know you're safe.
10:02You know, friend, part of me is saying,
10:04Hey, this is my house. I ought to stay and fight.
10:07But that's probably the part of me that's gonna get eaten first.
10:09Earl, I can't tell you what to do.
10:11Ultimately, you have to choose what you think is right.
10:15No, you choose.
10:16But pick the one where I don't hear anything snap.
10:18Well, Earl, maybe you can win.
10:21Maybe a guy your size could beat a rampaging 50-foot Dilophosaurus.
10:29Hand me my jammies, friend.
10:33Oh, friend, tell me the truth.
10:35Do you like this Gary fella?
10:38Earl, I love you.
10:40You're the one I want to spend my life with, you big lizard.
10:46I'm gonna miss you, friend. I really am.
10:49But I want you to be brave and try to make a life with Gary.
10:52Oh, Earl.
10:54Or you could slowly poison him over the next few years.
10:57Your choice.
10:59Gosh, Lyle, I really like you.
11:03I just wish you had horns.
11:06Oh, that hurt.
11:08Hi, I'm Spike Starling, president of the Horn Club for Males.
11:14And I can give you a full head of long, luxurious horns without penetrating your skull.
11:23I did it gradually, and no one even noticed.
11:26Not only am I...
11:28Robbie!
11:29Hey, Dad.
11:31As you know, I've been challenged.
11:33For reasons too complicated to explain, I've chosen not to fight.
11:37But, Dad, if you go, who's gonna play catch with me?
11:40Who's gonna take me fishing?
11:41I don't know. Who does that now?
11:43Nobody. But I was hoping we could start.
11:46Oh, gee, son, I would've liked that.
11:47Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
11:52Aww, I'm Junior.
11:55Junior, when you're all grown up, and I'm just a photo in a frame, will you even remember the special
12:00bond we had?
12:02I've never seen such a terrible explanation.
12:05Move over!
12:07Oh, oh, the TV.
12:10That's Daddy's little boy.
12:11Shh.
12:13Who would've thought I'd miss my kids this much?
12:16Oh, oh, and I have another one.
12:22Ah.
12:24There's my baby girl,
12:26still blissfully ignorant of her father's terrible fate.
12:30Charlene, there's something very important
12:32that I have to tell you in these, our last precious moments.
12:35Well, can it wait?
12:36Because I have to ask you a favor.
12:37Oh, anything, my princess.
12:39Well, I've got some friends coming over this afternoon,
12:41and I was just wondering, while they're here,
12:44maybe you could not be.
12:45Oh, my little girl's embarrassed by your father.
12:49I remember when I was embarrassed by my father.
12:52And now the torch has been passed.
12:54My baby's grown up.
12:56She's ashamed of me.
12:58So then, you'll leave?
13:00These are the moments a father lives for.
13:02Oh.
13:02I built this family.
13:03I raised you kids.
13:05Well, I didn't actually raise you, but I watched with interest.
13:07I have earned this.
13:08This is mine.
13:09I am never gonna leave.
13:11Okay.
13:11We'll move a meeting to Mindy's house.
13:14Friend, Robbie, come in here.
13:15Bye.
13:16Hey.
13:17What?
13:17I am not gonna miss out on this
13:18or any of your other insulting rites of passage.
13:21What's going on, Earl?
13:23I have decided to stay and fight.
13:25Daddy, you sure?
13:26You saw Gary's sock.
13:28Bring on his socks.
13:29Bring on his shorts.
13:30Bring on the whole hamper.
13:32Because Earl Sinclair is fighting for his family.
13:35And let no one underestimate the fury of a determined Megalosaurus who is not afraid to stand alone.
13:42Here's the way I see it.
13:43If all of us stick together, then none of us has to get hurt.
13:46But none of us are gonna get hurt.
13:49Gary's only killing you.
13:50Yeah.
13:51My point is, we gotta get organized.
13:54Because this could happen to any one of us.
13:56That's right.
13:56It didn't.
13:57Yeah, and you're the only one married to Fran.
13:59Yeah.
13:59Let's get lunch.
14:00Guys, guys.
14:02Our buddy Earl is in trouble here.
14:05He needs our help.
14:06So who's gonna be there Friday?
14:08Friday.
14:09I gotta get my teeth drilled.
14:12Next time for sure, huh?
14:16Boy.
14:19Everyone of them's got plans.
14:21Who'd have guessed it?
14:22How about you, Roy?
14:24Hey, you're my pal, Pally Boy.
14:26I'd never desert you in your hour of need.
14:29Look at here.
14:30I got you a book.
14:32Oh.
14:35So you've been challenged.
14:37How to get ready for a fight to the death.
14:39We're gonna get you into such good shape.
14:42Old Gary there's gonna have to think twice before he kills the next guy.
14:48Hank.
14:49That's my point.
15:09We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:11We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:12We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:12We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:12We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:13We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:15We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:16We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:17We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:17We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:18We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:18We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:18We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:20We're gonna get you into such good shape.
15:22We're gonna get you into such good shape.
16:06This is it. My final day of life. The last time I've gazed on my alarm clock.
16:19Goodbye, my trusty timekeeper.
16:25And you, Lamp. You brought light where once there was darkness.
16:32Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off. On.
16:43We always understood each other.
16:46Oh, and you. My lint brush. So much remains unsaid.
16:55earl oh hi friend i made clydesdale pancakes hurry on down thank you
17:02oh god 12 hours left i gotta experience every moment to the fullest i gotta squeeze the life
17:08out of every second i got left what you like wear
17:19nah nah
17:42hey dad dad mom's wondering what's taking so long oh my goodness the whole day's gone
17:49all right i'll just go with the plaid
17:55goodbye other shirt
17:58gary daddy daddy
18:02gary no no no no no give me
18:10nice is your father coming no he's still saying goodbye to a shoe tree
18:16well i want you to know i'm never gonna call this new guy dad
18:19even if he wins me over with gifts and cash and
18:22a phone in my room
18:26goodbye banister
18:31goodbye staircase
18:33i don't want to sing any one of you out
18:39hello earl
18:44and finally my beloved family
18:48how do i say goodbye to you
18:55see ya
18:57wait a minute dad you don't have to take down this guy alone we can fight him together
19:00boom bow you know son if you were about 40 feet taller i'd take you up on that
19:05now you kids close your eyes or one day you're going to require a lot of therapy
19:29uh pardon me is this the sinclair house
19:44i don't think i'm winning
19:46look i have an appointment with earl sinclair
19:52well that used to be me
19:56let me introduce you to your new family
19:59this is your son robbie
20:01how's it going
20:02this is your daughter charlene
20:03hello
20:04your new baby
20:05where's the rest of him
20:06and i believe you know fran
20:08hi fran gosh you look gorgeous i can't wait to bite your husband's head off
20:12gary i want you to know something right away
20:15i love earl
20:17he's the only male i've ever loved
20:18and no matter what happens here today
20:20he's the only male i ever will love
20:22he looks kind of short and dumpy from up here
20:26hey watch
20:26oh yeah
20:27that's my daddy
20:28well from down here he looks just fine
20:30yeah that's right
20:31which is a lot more than i can say about you
20:33you insensitive insecure arrogant
20:36uh honey
20:36i was hoping to avoid a slow lingering death if possible
20:39who do you think you are anyway
20:41i'm the guy who carried your groceries
20:42besides
20:43i'm not even interested in you
20:45so i want you to go away
20:49can i offer anybody a coffee
20:51gary
20:53fran i just thought
20:55you thought
20:56you thought nothing
20:57if you thought at all
20:59you would have realized that this is my life
21:01my home
21:02my family
21:04and you have no right to take it away
21:07yeah
21:09earl
21:09you married this
21:1119 years
21:1319 years
21:14you must be made of steel
21:17she's had a hard day
21:18what with being widowed and all
21:20listen fran
21:21earl
21:22i just had a thought
21:23maybe i'm not ready to settle down
21:25what
21:26you're not
21:28all right
21:29all right i was
21:30but i was looking for something a little less
21:32horrible
21:33oh come on
21:35hey hey
21:35that's our wife you're talking about
21:37she's all yours earl
21:39all right then
21:40maybe you'd better just step off my porch
21:42yeah
21:43and put those pine trees back where you found them
21:46easy honey i think we won
21:48well yeah nice meeting you all it's certainly been a pleasure
21:51yeah you got a beautiful family here earl
21:53good luck with them
21:55we use what we have
21:57mom
21:57ma listen there's just big kid at school that's been bothering me
22:00yeah maybe you could just come down and teach him a lesson
22:02hey hey hey hold on there
22:04i'm the father and if anybody's gonna go down to your school and beat up a kid
22:07it's gonna be me
22:08okay thanks dad
22:10cool
22:13still the daddy
22:15still the daddy
22:15still the daddy
22:17oh earl
22:19you were so brave
22:21yeah
22:22what moment exactly
22:24you were willing to open that door and face him
22:27yeah i did do that didn't i
22:29i opened it right up and i faced him
22:32at least a part of him you could see
22:34did you notice his anchor was trembling
22:35no i didn't but i'd be happy to say so in front of the neighbors
22:40no thanks franny
22:43you're worth fighting for
22:45oh
22:47oh
22:48oh
22:50oh
22:52oh
22:52oh
22:52oh
23:02¶¶
23:28¶¶
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