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00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:31Honey, I'm home!
01:02Today, I, your eldest elder, am...
01:06He's 72.
01:08Oh, he's 72 years old.
01:10I have lived long and witnessed many wonders.
01:14But now I am old.
01:16I am slow.
01:17And I get up 16 times in the middle of the night.
01:20I can no longer keep up with the herd.
01:22I straggled behind, attracting predators, endangering my brethren, and making us late for everything.
01:30Don't act like you haven't noticed.
01:32Therefore, I wish to be hurled from the highest cliff into a tar pit.
01:41But before I go, I now decree that from this day forward, all dinosaurs, upon reaching their...
01:53Oh, 72nd birthday, shall be hurled into a tar pit.
01:59And this day shall be known as...
02:03Hurling Day.
02:04And so that this tradition remains holy and solemn, each dinosaur shall be hurled by a loving relative.
02:13Uh, excuse me.
02:15Yes, in the back.
02:17Uh, so this won't be a total loss.
02:20Could you make it that guys also get to hurl their mother-in-laws?
02:25Sure, why not?
02:26Hurling Day! Hurling Day!
02:29One more day till hurling day!
02:32One more day till I throw your mother over the cliff and into the pit!
02:39Pearl, it's supposed to be a solemn and holy day.
02:42No, that's tomorrow.
02:44Today is a day of saying, a yippee, a yippee!
02:48After 20 years of your mother on my back,
02:50I get to haul her up to the top of the mountain and fling her bony butt to oblivion!
02:55Solemnly and with dignity, of course.
02:59Earl, this is mother's big day.
03:01Now she's depending on you to throw her in that nice section of the tar pit
03:05where they're shaved next to her old friends, the Rosenfelds.
03:08Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do what I can.
03:10As long as she agrees to sink, quickly.
03:15Hey, there's my little guy.
03:17Wanna give daddy a kiss?
03:20Not the mama! Not the mama! Not the mama!
03:23Not the mama! Not the mama!
03:26That is starting to bother me.
03:30Hey, guys, grandma's in the paper.
03:32Well, let me see.
03:34Give it here, Robbie.
03:38Marriages, births, dismemberments, large bites.
03:41Hurlings, there it is.
03:42Here.
03:43Ethel Phillips, wife and blah, blah, blah, mother and blah, blah, blah, blah.
03:47Grandmother and blah, blah, blah.
03:48No, listen.
03:50To be hurled into the ooze by her loving son-in-law, Earl Sinclair.
03:55God, I love being a dinosaur.
03:58So, Dad, what do you think it's like in the tar anyway?
04:01In the tar? You mean actually in the tar?
04:03Yeah.
04:03Well, uh, I'd have to say that it's dark, it's peaceful, it's quiet.
04:10No one really knows, son, but we'll all find out when our time comes.
04:13I gotta get to work.
04:15Oh, thanks, honey.
04:16Bye, dear.
04:17And tell him to stop asking just impressive questions.
04:19You know, Robbie, your grandmother's been looking forward to this day for a long time now.
04:23She's going to be reunited with Grandpa Louie.
04:26I thought Grandpa went on a cruise.
04:30You bought that?
04:31Man.
04:32Robbie!
04:34Charlene, until now you've been too young to understand, but I think you're emotionally
04:39mature enough now to know the truth.
04:41Oh.
04:42When dinosaurs turn 72, they're thrown into a tar pit.
04:46Oh.
04:47Does this outfit make me look fat?
04:49And I want you to think of the tar pit as a wonderful place where you'll want to spend
04:55eternity.
04:57Oh, I get it.
04:59Just like the galleria.
05:02Yeah.
05:04Ha.
05:05Oh.
05:08Hi, baby.
05:10Shh.
05:10Look.
05:12Well, I always felt I was an herbivore trapped in a carnivore's body.
05:17Proceeders.
05:18Today at four on Reptile.
05:21What's that all about?
05:23Eight.
05:28Hey there, Polly Boys.
05:29Ready to give the mother-in-law the old heave-ho?
05:32Roy, please.
05:34Fran's mother and I may have had odd differences for the past 20 years, but I take no joy in
05:39what I have to do tomorrow.
05:41Huh?
05:47Hey, look at this.
05:48Roy, look.
05:49Hey, buddy.
05:50Take a look at these beauties.
05:52Oh, well, snatch me bald-headed.
05:53Genuine mother-in-law, peridactyl skin, hoiling gloves.
05:58Yeah.
05:58My father gave to me on my wedding day.
06:00Yeah?
06:01Non-skid grip.
06:03Oh.
06:03Yeah.
06:04These old babies have thrown a lot of old ladies.
06:07Yep.
06:08Hey, yo.
06:09Huh?
06:09Hey.
06:10Tomorrow's a big day, huh?
06:12Yeah.
06:13Yeah, how do you feel?
06:15I mean, any thoughts in these final hours?
06:17Well, I just hope that when my turn comes to go into the tar, those who knew me will lift
06:22a glass and say, Earl Sinclair.
06:25No genius.
06:27No big shot.
06:28But did you see the lofty god on his mother-in-law?
06:33Hey, hey, Earl.
06:35We just want you to know, tomorrow, you're going out there for all of us.
06:39Yeah.
06:40And remember, lift with your knees.
06:44Yeah.
06:45You know, times like this, a guy feels very close to his buddies.
06:49Yeah.
06:49We feel close to you.
06:51Yeah, we do.
06:51Sinclair in here now.
06:54Oh.
07:01You sent for me, my captain?
07:05Sinclair, I am a great and powerful dinosaur, and you, well, you're a puny nothing.
07:11Thank you, sir.
07:13Because of my position and social standing, I can say whatever I want to you, and you have
07:17no choice but to flatter me in return.
07:19That's a keen and brilliant observation, sir.
07:22But tradition gives us one great equalizer.
07:26Hurling day.
07:27One day, regardless of our station in life, when the lowest of the low can stand shoulder
07:33to shoulder with the highest of the high.
07:36So.
07:37Drink, Sinclair!
07:38Wow.
07:39I'm overwhelmed by your sudden lack of cruelty.
07:43Well, uh...
07:44Uh...
07:45Here.
07:46Nice gloves.
07:48Hmm?
07:48Thank you, sir.
07:49They were given to me by my father.
07:50I'm speaking!
07:51Uh, yes, sir.
07:53You know, it's been almost 30 years since I tossed Mother Wilkerson into the goo.
07:59That look on her face as she spiraled out of sight.
08:04Uh...
08:06Uh...
08:08Uh...
08:09Uh...
08:10Uh...
08:11Uh...
08:11My...
08:12It's sad how the memories fade.
08:14Good thing I got it on VHS!
08:16Uh...
08:23Nice trajectory, sir.
08:25Damn right!
08:27But the moment goes by so quickly, my captain.
08:29Well, not on slow-mo!
08:32Ah!
08:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:34Go on, brother!
08:37Oh-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:40Ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:40Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:41Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:43Ha-ha-ha!
08:44Ha-ha-ha-ha!
08:45Oh, this is, this is so inspiring!
08:47It better be!
08:48Because tomorrow's your day, Sinclair, and no one can take it away from you.
08:52Or I woulda.
08:55But remember, after tomorrow...
08:58Lowest of the low.
08:59For the rest of your life.
09:03So savor the moment, Sinclair.
09:05It's the only one you're ever gonna get.
09:09Don't screw it up!
09:10Yes, sir. No, sir.
09:12Uh, nor...
09:22Yep, she's in the tar.
09:24Nice hang time, Pallyboy.
09:26I can do better.
09:28I gotta work on my follow-through.
09:29But has anybody ever climbed back out of the tar pit to say what it was like in there?
09:33No, son. Once you're in, you're in.
09:35Come on, give me another mother-in-law.
09:38Yeah.
09:39Ready, set, throw!
09:44Uh, Dad, when Grandma goes into the tar pit, is there life after that?
09:48For me, there is...
09:49You're losing elevation.
09:52Robbie, you're breaking my concentration.
09:55Look, just tell me what I say to her when she comes over for this birthday dinner.
09:58Goodbye, good luck, sorry you're being tossed off a cliff.
10:02Let me explain this to you.
10:04She's lived her life, she has laid her eggs, it is time for her to move on.
10:09Now, you want to make dinner conversation?
10:11Her's gonna tell you about how useless she is.
10:14Earl, Mother's here.
10:18Not for long.
10:22Mother, you look terrific.
10:28Oh, thank you, sweetheart. I had my scales done for the occasion.
10:32Yeah, yeah.
10:33So, Mom, tomorrow's the big day.
10:36Yeah, the biggest.
10:37I'm so excited, I feel like a schoolgirl.
10:40Charlene, sweetheart, pour me a scotch, will you?
10:42Okay.
10:46There's a good girl.
10:47Hi, Grandma.
10:47There he is, Robbie, my baby.
10:49Come here, let your grandma give you five kisses.
10:51Come on, come on.
10:52Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
10:55You must be beating those girls off with a stick.
10:58Oh, well.
11:00Here's five dollars.
11:02Oh, thanks, Grandma.
11:03Come on, Mom, you're gonna spoil him.
11:06Indulge me, Fran.
11:07What am I saving it for?
11:09Grandma, what's this worth to you?
11:11Oh, wow.
11:13One hundred dollars.
11:15And five kisses.
11:17That's for college.
11:19I'm not going to college unless I have something to wear.
11:24It's a baby.
11:26It's the grandma.
11:28Uh-oh.
11:29Hello, Mother Phillips.
11:32Hello, fat boy.
11:34Hello, you vicious old back of...
11:36Earl Sneed Sinclair.
11:37Oh, God, my whole name.
11:39I am asking for peace for one night.
11:41But she...
11:41One night.
11:42Twelve hours and she's out of your life forever.
11:45But, Franie...
11:46I do not want you to respond to her.
11:48I do not want you to open your mouth.
11:51She provokes me.
11:52Close your mouth and don't let her provoke you.
11:55I am the mighty men...
11:56Close it.
11:58Hello, fat boy.
12:01You see that, Fran?
12:02You see?
12:02You see what's happening?
12:03Oh, Mother.
12:04Come here, sweetheart.
12:06Up we go there.
12:10You and I have had a lot of tough times, Earl.
12:12I just want to say...
12:14I'm sorry.
12:17Geez, I thought you mean it.
12:18That you're sorry?
12:20Yeah.
12:20I'm sorry you married my daughter.
12:22And I'm sorry she has to live in a cold, drafty hole on the wrong side of the swamp with
12:26a guy who was a tree pusher 20 years ago.
12:29And today is, surprise, still a tree pusher.
12:33Franny!
12:34Mother?
12:35Mother?
12:35I said I'm sorry.
12:37Let's go, old lady.
12:39We're going over the cliff right now.
12:41Dinner.
12:42Would anyone like dinner?
12:44Only if it's fattening.
12:46Eat all you want.
12:47You'll be worth a hernia.
12:54And I want you to have this.
12:56It's a seashell necklace your grandfather gave me on her 10th anniversary.
13:01Wow!
13:02Hey, there's a bite taken out of it here.
13:04It was a wild night, don't ask.
13:07Ah, thanks for the great stuff, Grandma.
13:10You know, you've lived such a fascinating life.
13:13Well, I'm bored out of my mind.
13:15I'll see you tomorrow, Etham.
13:19It is getting late.
13:21We should go to sleep.
13:22Good night, Mother.
13:23Good night, Grandma.
13:26Is there anything I can get for you?
13:28Yeah.
13:29You could get a divorce and marry someone else.
13:31There's still 12 hours left.
13:33Good night, Mother.
13:36Mary Ellen Swerkinson's daughter married a podiatrist four hours before she got hurled.
13:40She went into the tar a happy dinosaur.
13:43Hurled by a professional.
13:46Oh.
13:48Hmm.
13:52What's the matter, sweetheart?
13:54Not tired?
13:57Aren't you worried about what's going to happen tomorrow?
13:59I'm looking forward to it, dear.
14:01I miss my Louie.
14:02You don't remember your grandpa, do you?
14:04You were very young when he was hurled.
14:08Ah, see that?
14:09That's you on your Grandpa Louie's back.
14:12Hitting him on the head with a pot.
14:14Wow.
14:14Hey, look, Grandma.
14:15Is this me and you?
14:16Yeah.
14:17Yeah.
14:17Got all my spikes.
14:19And this is when you visited me at camp.
14:21Your Grandpa Louie was such a fisherman.
14:23He could stick his head in the water, come up with a tuna fish grouper, you name it.
14:28Oh, a letter I wrote you.
14:30It says, dear Grandma, how are you?
14:33I am good.
14:34It is good here at camp.
14:36The food is good.
14:37I hope you are good, too.
14:40Love, Robbie St. Clair.
14:41Yeah, yeah, you always wrote me.
14:45Grandma, I don't want you to go on the tar tomorrow.
14:48Hey, I've lived a long life.
14:50I've earned this.
14:52But I don't want you to go.
14:54You're a young, sweet kid, Robbie.
14:57And you don't really know anything yet.
15:00I know, I know.
15:01You're right.
15:02Hurling's been around a million years, and I've been around 14 years.
15:06So I can hardly believe I'm going to do this.
15:09Let's go.
15:10What are you going to do?
15:11Come on, we're getting out of here.
15:25Rise and shine, Ethel.
15:26Rise and shine.
15:28Today is the last day of the rest of your life.
15:30And I'm wearing my brand new blue silk curling day tie, Ethel.
15:36Ethel.
15:38Ethel.
15:40Ethel.
15:41Ethel.
15:43Friend!
15:44Robert, stop this.
15:46It's dangerous out this early in the morning.
15:47Everything's hungry.
15:49No, I'm not letting him throw in the tarp here, Grandma.
15:51There's just no reason for it.
15:52There is, dear.
15:53It's a time-honored tradition started by a wise old dinosaur named Bob La Brea.
16:00What's that?
16:01Hide yourself.
16:04Robbie, don't be a stupid kid.
16:06Come on, Grandma.
16:07Forget about me.
16:08Hide yourself.
16:11Forget about me.
16:13Hide yourself.
16:26Oh, I, uh, I just couldn't leave you, Grandma.
16:28I couldn't do it.
16:29Now do you see why old dinosaurs go into the tarp?
16:37Take me home, dear.
16:42Please let the old lady be all right.
16:44Please, please don't take this away from me.
16:50Where have you been?
16:52Don't get yourself in an uproar, Chuckles.
16:54We were just out for a little walk.
16:55I know where you went.
16:57You do?
16:58You went to throw yourself over the cliff without me.
17:01But Robbie found you and brought you back.
17:04Uh...
17:04Good boy.
17:05Yeah, well...
17:05She may try that again.
17:07I want you to keep an eye on her.
17:08No problem.
17:10Ever.
17:12Now listen, Ugg.
17:13I'm expecting an important package this afternoon.
17:16So whatever you do, don't open it.
17:19I won't, Woodrow.
17:24Hilarious hijinks with that talking caveman this afternoon on Mr. Ugg.
17:29I am Mr. Ugg.
17:31Today at four.
17:34Uh, Mom, could I talk to you for a second?
17:37Yes, dear?
17:37Uh, what would be the big deal if nobody threw Grandma into the tar pit?
17:41It would kill your father, dear.
17:44Mom, it used to be that old dinosaur slowed down the pack.
17:47Now we live in houses.
17:48It used to be that old dinosaurs couldn't hunt.
17:50Now we have supermarkets.
17:52Isn't throwing Grandma off a cliff just a waste of a perfectly good old lady?
17:58I'm just asking.
17:59What?
18:00I mean, since we're domesticated now, there's nothing really forcing us to hurl mother, is there?
18:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that's an interesting notion there, friend.
18:09Isn't it?
18:10I just can't help wondering where you came up with this interesting notion.
18:15Well, I have to admit, it's not actually my idea.
18:18Although the moment I heard it, it just made so much sense.
18:21Doesn't it make sense to you?
18:22Oh, yeah, it certainly does.
18:25But, you know what I'm curious about?
18:28Where did this idea come from originally?
18:31If you stop and think about it, it's really a barbaric ritual, Dad.
18:35It's not barbaric, it's holy and solemn.
18:39Earl, you're overreacting.
18:41Friend, dear, I'm merely stating my position.
18:43There is no position.
18:45Earl, I've made my decision.
18:47You're not throwing mother.
18:49I'm throwing her.
18:51Do you want to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life?
18:54I'm throwing her, friend.
18:55Ethel!
18:57I'm throwing her.
18:58I'm throwing her.
18:59I married you so I could throw her.
19:00So is that too much?
19:02Change of schedule, Ethel.
19:03We're taking off early.
19:05Earl?
19:06Uh, look, it's Godzilla.
19:08Huh?
19:09What?
19:16You're having a big breakfast, didn't you?
19:18Just push the chair, fair boy.
19:21Come on, come on.
19:23Slow down.
19:24I want to fix my face for my Louie.
19:26You look gorgeous, Ethel.
19:28Oh, do you think so?
19:29Yeah, get your foot off the brake.
19:31Oh, shut up.
19:36Push, push.
19:38Okay, Ethel, I wrote this speech.
19:41Uh, here, you can read it on the way down.
19:43Earl, stop!
19:45Okay, I'm ready.
19:46No, you're not, Grandma.
19:47You don't have to go.
19:48What?
19:49Dad, a million years ago,
19:51some old dinosaur did what was right in his time
19:53and created this hurling thing.
19:54Now you could do what's right in your time
19:56and go down in history.
19:58You could be a legend among dinosaurs.
20:01Or you could have the momentary satisfaction
20:03of throwing Graham off the cliff.
20:06Now, I think you should think about this long and hard.
20:14Watch your toes, son.
20:16Listen, Dad.
20:17No, you listen.
20:18This is my moment.
20:20This is the time when the lowest of the low
20:22can stand shoulder to shoulder
20:23with the highest of the high.
20:24If I lose this, Robbie,
20:26then my life means nothing.
20:28Well, then I guess my life means nothing, Dad.
20:31What are you saying?
20:33When the time comes,
20:34I'm not throwing you.
20:35Why the hell not?
20:36Because you're my father.
20:38And just because you get old
20:39doesn't mean you're not my father anymore.
20:43Oh, jeez.
20:44Hello? Hello?
20:46Am I suddenly invisible?
20:47Why doesn't somebody ask me how I feel?
20:51Well, how do you feel, Mother?
20:53I'm an old dinosaur.
20:55There's no safe place for me anymore in this world.
20:59You could live with us in Dad's den.
21:01That's it.
21:01They're both going over.
21:04Times are changing, Earl.
21:05Today?
21:06Do they have to change today?
21:08She's just an old dinosaur friend.
21:09She's just going to be in a way.
21:11She's only old because she's lived a long time.
21:14Maybe there are things we could learn from her.
21:16Maybe the way we treat our old dinosaurs is wrong.
21:19Maybe it's better to keep them
21:21than to throw them away.
21:23Grandma, just tell him you don't want to go.
21:26Robbie, darling.
21:28I've done everything there is to do in this life.
21:31At my age, what do I have to live for?
21:34Grand, I am not letting your mother move into my house
21:37and spend the rest of her days
21:38making my life miserable.
21:43Take me home, dear.
21:45Yes! Cool! Excellent!
21:49I'm coming, Louie!
21:50Stop it.
21:51Friend, if you love me, throw me in.
21:53Earl, it's just for the rest of her life.
21:55How long can that possibly be?
21:57How should I know, friend?
21:58Nobody ever died of getting old before.
22:06You know,
22:07I feel like I could live
22:09to be a million.
22:28Hey, it was a mighty toss.
22:29I mean, I almost threw her past the tar pit entirely.
22:33And then she came down
22:35and down
22:36and then
22:39she bounced.
22:40Yeah, she bounced right back up
22:42and landed back in her chair.
22:44It's a miracle, they tell me.
22:46So, I gotta let her move in.
22:47That's the truth.
22:51Earl,
22:52you killed us.
22:53Mm-hmm.
22:56Mm-hmm.
22:57And if you do
23:21don't
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