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00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:31Honey, I'm home!
00:57Good morning, Pantia!
01:00Good morning!
01:08Good morning! It's Wednesday, September 20th, 60,000,003 B.C.
01:13Coming up on this half hour, Godzilla will be stopping by with a clip from his new blockbuster.
01:20Well, okay, he's here.
01:22But first, a look at the weather where you are.
01:26Yay!
01:28Well, as you can see, we've got ourselves an active supercontinent this morning.
01:33In the north, violent volcanoes, including one particularly big boomer that ought to rip the Tigris-Euphrates Valley wide open.
01:42So if you've got relatives there, kiss them goodbye.
01:46Goodbye.
01:48Connie, Rex, back to you.
01:50Thanks, Dr. Doug.
01:52Good morning, my family who loves me.
01:55Not the mama!
01:57All right, that ends right now.
01:58I have had it up to here with this not the mama.
02:00I am not not the mama.
02:02I'm your daddy.
02:03And you only get one, Buster.
02:05And that is what you're going to call me.
02:07Daddy.
02:07Now say, daddy.
02:11Say, daddy.
02:14Okay, all right, all right.
02:16Say, da.
02:18Da.
02:19Say, dee.
02:22Dee.
02:24Da.
02:25Da.
02:26Dee.
02:27Dee.
02:29Daddy.
02:30Daddy.
02:31Franny.
02:32Daddy.
02:33Franny.
02:35He loves me.
02:36Listen to him.
02:37Daddy, daddy.
02:38Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.
02:42Daddy.
02:42Not the mama.
02:49I'm not going to school today.
02:52Don't you feel all right, sweetheart?
02:54Oh, I feel fine.
02:55There's nothing wrong with me.
02:56Nothing wrong with me at all.
02:58I'm just not leaving the house anymore.
03:00Are we, Claire?
03:01Some bothering you there, princess?
03:03Nothing's bothering me.
03:05I happen to be in a delightful mode.
03:07Kiss the baby.
03:08Shut up.
03:10And cut that out.
03:12Yes, ma'am.
03:14Look, there's something bothering you.
03:15It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
03:17And you're the guy for the job.
03:20Hmm.
03:21Oh, everything's fine, daddy.
03:23And my life is not that simple that you could just put my deepest personal feelings into simple words.
03:28Every girl in school has grown a tail except her.
03:31So, did I leave anything out?
03:33Stomp.
03:35Yeah, mom.
03:35Huh?
03:36Come on.
03:36Oh, mom, mom, mom, mom.
03:41Come on, kids.
03:42That's enough.
03:43I give it, I give it, I give it.
03:46Charlene, you snapped his neck.
03:47You're going to hear from me.
03:48Oh, mercy.
03:49Oh, man.
03:51I got spit on my neck.
03:53You know, Charlene, I was one of the last girls in my class to get my tail.
03:59And that didn't keep me from landing a wonderful guy like your father.
04:06It's not my tail.
04:07I don't care about my tail.
04:10Good.
04:11Because no matter how long and gorgeous your tail is, eventually it'll end up looking like this.
04:17Oh, jeez, Ethel, put that thing away.
04:22Why should I care that I'm the only girl I know who still has her stupid little stub?
04:27Huh?
04:28Why should I get upset that that's all boys care about?
04:31Oh, honey, you have to give the boys more credit.
04:34They're not as shallow as all that.
04:36And if you subscribe to Dinosaur Sports now, you get all that great sports action plus every guy's favorite,
04:43the ear and tail issue.
04:48That's not real.
04:50Real tails don't stand up like that.
04:53What's so great about tails anyway?
04:55Nothing.
04:58Oh, you're all a bunch of pigs.
05:04Earl, we have to talk to Charlene about her tail.
05:07She's just a kid friend.
05:09We don't have to talk about this for years.
05:11Her friends are getting their tails, and she's concerned that...
05:14Hey, I'm telling you.
05:15She doesn't care about her tail.
05:17I mean, she's just a little girl.
05:19What is she, seven?
05:20She's 12, Earl.
05:22Well, 7-12, it's not her tail.
05:24Because that would be a female problem, which she isn't a female yet, so she doesn't have a problem.
05:29Which, if she did, we wouldn't discuss it in front of the sun.
05:32Fine, I'll leave.
05:34I'll go with you.
05:37Come on, come on.
05:38Get out of the tree.
05:39We're going to have lunch.
05:39Come on.
05:40Get out of the tree.
05:41Come on.
05:42Yeah.
05:43All right.
05:47I love you.
05:48And I love you.
05:50Hey, hey.
05:52Hey, cut that out.
05:55I don't like my lunch, uh, fraternizing with each other.
06:00Go away.
06:01Whoa, whoa.
06:04They didn't even know each other before I defrosted them.
06:07Hey, hey, what have we here?
06:10Hello, lady.
06:12Well, I think it's time to take a dip in the old secretarial pool.
06:17Hey, come on, Roy.
06:18I'm a married guy.
06:19Hey, look at her tail on that one.
06:22Lift it.
06:23Don't drag it, sweetheart.
06:25Hey, and look at that one.
06:27You know, she looks a little like Charlene.
06:31Charlene had her tail.
06:33Hey, what'd you do that for?
06:36Gee, I don't know what came over me.
06:38Uh, never mind then.
06:41Hey, hey, hey, polyboy.
06:43I think that one over there likes me.
06:45What, you mean the woolly one with the tusks?
06:47No, the one who looks like Charlene if Charlene had her tail.
06:51Hey!
06:53Earl, I don't want to pry into your personal business,
06:56but there's something bothering you.
06:59Not that I'm aware of.
07:01Charlene.
07:03Charlene tail.
07:05Hey!
07:07Well, I thought I was onto something.
07:11Guess not.
07:12Charlene is too young to have a tail.
07:14She's just a little girl.
07:16Not want to open a can of worms here,
07:19but hasn't she been a little girl for about 12 years now?
07:22So?
07:23Well, sometimes a child grows up and a father who may not ordinarily be a sensitive type may have to
07:30suddenly get sensitive to his little girl becoming, you know, a fully-fledged adult tomato.
07:37Tomato?
07:38Who are you talking about?
07:39Uh, someone else entirely.
07:42Ooh.
07:43No.
07:52Gee, John, we both work in the same bookstore, but you sell so many more books than I do.
07:58I used to have trouble selling books until I read this.
08:04Dino Linux, the science of selling books.
08:08And Gia's watching ABC, the antediluvian broadcasting company.
08:13Coming this fall on ABC.
08:16He's a big city dinosaur detective who leaps through time to adopt seven interracial children.
08:21She's a ghost with seven interracial ghost children of her own.
08:24Now they're all moving to the country to become district attorneys.
08:28And watch the sparks fly when Mother moves in.
08:31It's all way too complicated.
08:34Whoa!
08:38Geez, more of the same.
08:41Oh, Mother, you're still mad at them for cancelling 30 million something.
08:48I'm home.
08:50Hi, Daddy.
08:51Oh, hi, Princess. Upstairs, playing with your dolls?
08:54Um, yeah, sure.
08:56Uh, Daddy, did anything come in the mail for me?
08:59Oh, well, I don't know. Let me check. Let me see.
09:03Okay, water, uh, desks, electric, uh, sorry, honey.
09:08Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute.
09:11Oh, lookie here.
09:12Yeah.
09:13To Charlene Sinclair from the Junior Miss Prosthetics Company.
09:17Okay.
09:17Here you go.
09:20Hey, what is it?
09:21Uh, dollhouse.
09:24Nice.
09:26Tomato.
09:28Hello there, my family who loves me.
09:32So, Robbie, you got any big weekend plans?
09:35Uh, I was thinking of taking Connie DeSalvo out, but, you know, I really don't have the money to take
09:39her anywhere good.
09:40How much?
09:41Oh, well, a dinner that was ten bucks nicer would certainly increase my chances of a goodnight kiss.
09:47Here you go, son. Money well spent.
09:51Earl Sneed Sinclair.
09:53Oh, Fran, he's just a young fella sawing his wild oats.
09:56He's come to his father for a little sawing assistance.
09:59And I'm glad to give it to him.
10:01Now, I'll take care of his son, and you take care of it.
10:04Oh!
10:04La, la.
10:06La, la, la.
10:07Oops.
10:09Ah.
10:12Oh, Charlene.
10:15Isn't it just the most lovely night outside?
10:18Charlene, you look very nice tonight, but, um, I can't help thinking there's something different about you.
10:24Oh, no.
10:24Hey, Charlene, you got something stuck to your butt.
10:27Oh, wow.
10:27Leave me alone.
10:29Oh, I'm sorry.
10:30Want me to get my scaven gun?
10:32Hey!
10:32Give me my mail, Robbie!
10:33Robbie, give it to me!
10:35Robbie, give me my...
10:36Robbie, go to your room.
10:38Go on, son.
10:40Oh, no.
10:41Charlene, would you like to talk about this with your father and me?
10:46No.
10:47Oh, gee, too bad.
10:49Let's go, Junior.
10:50Go fast.
10:51Let's go.
10:54Ah, Charlene, don't you think you're being ridiculous?
10:58But I want a tail.
11:00Look, sweetheart, when you really stop to think about it, is a tail really that important?
11:07Yes.
11:07Who says so?
11:09Well, the world.
11:12Magazines, movies, television.
11:16Charlene, the tail on your backside is not as important as the head on your shoulders.
11:20And you've got a good one.
11:22And I'm surprised at you for not using it.
11:25Mom, you said you were the last one in your class to get your tail.
11:29How did you handle it?
11:30Oh, well, that was a long time ago, and I'm sure I handled it with grace and dignity.
11:36She tried to throw herself off the roof.
11:40Mother!
11:40Of course she weighed 2,800 pounds, so the roof collapsed.
11:45She fell right through onto Grandpa Louie, who was cleaning his pipe at the time.
11:50We never found the pipe, but Grandpa Louie walked funny after that.
11:55The point is, your tail will come when it comes.
12:00And until then, you have to live each day to the fullest and make the most of every moment of
12:04your life.
12:05Okay.
12:07Where are you going?
12:08The roof.
12:16So, the ten bucks paid off after all.
12:19Yes.
12:22You love your caveman, don't you?
12:25I love my caveman.
12:28Oh!
12:32Good morning, family.
12:39What'd you do?
12:40Buy the variety pack?
12:41You're wasting your time, Miranosaurus.
12:44It's real.
12:46Real.
12:47What?
12:48Oh, no, man.
12:51Oh, I touched my sister's tail.
12:52Charlene, is it really?
12:55Yes, it grew in last night.
12:57Oh, isn't it beautiful, Ma?
12:58Oh, I'm so happy for you.
13:02Oh, isn't it wonderful, Earl?
13:08How long do you think it'll take the boys
13:10to notice that I got my tail?
13:12Oh, it's the boys.
13:14It's the boys.
13:15Yay!
13:16Our little girl's all grown up.
13:18She's blossomed.
13:21She's a tomato.
13:34Whoa!
13:35How am I doing?
13:36Do I look good?
13:37You're doing fine.
13:38Are you sure?
13:39Cause my date's gonna be here at 7 o'clock
13:41and I have to find my new center of gravity by then, whoops.
13:44Well, the first rule of having a tail is
13:46be careful how you turn her up.
13:49Why?
13:50Whee!
13:54Again!
13:57Charlene, stop.
13:58What?
13:58Let me come to you.
14:00So, Mom, when I walk, do I swing it back and forth
14:03or do I just let it drag?
14:05Nice girls don't swing.
14:07So boys like that?
14:09No.
14:09They're crazy for it.
14:11Mother.
14:12Mother.
14:12I'm just telling her what's what.
14:15And I'm telling her what's right.
14:17You want her to be alone all her life?
14:20Sweetheart.
14:23Just swing it a little.
14:24Until you get married.
14:27Then you can put it away.
14:28Okay.
14:32Hi.
14:34Oh.
14:35Hi, Daddy.
14:37Yeah, yeah.
14:38Hi, honey.
14:39We're just preparing Charlene for her first date.
14:43Any words of wisdom?
14:45Date?
14:46Daddy, do you think I should swing it or let it drag?
14:51Because I want him to like me, but I don't want him to think I'm fast.
14:55But I do want him to buy me dinner, but I don't want him to get any ideas.
14:59So, Dad, you're a guy.
15:01What do you think?
15:02Swing?
15:02Drag?
15:03What?
15:04Date?
15:06Uh, that's for me.
15:08They're all for me.
15:09Daddy!
15:10Rocky!
15:14Oh, Earl.
15:16Our little girl's going out on a date.
15:20Why don't you just put a knife in my head?
15:23Mother?
15:24Father?
15:24This is my date.
15:26Maurice.
15:27Hello, Maurice.
15:29Hello, Mrs. Sinclair.
15:31Well, I can certainly see where Charlene gets her good looks.
15:37And this is my daddy.
15:39Ah, well, I want you to know your daughter's in good hands.
15:43I'm sure.
15:46Well, then, I guess we're off.
15:48Wait, wait, wait.
15:49Where are you taking my little girl?
15:50Oh, we're just going out for ribs, Daddy.
15:52Ribs?
15:53They deliver ribs.
15:54We could have ribs right here.
15:56Earl.
15:56Well, what do you need to go out for?
15:58Daddy, we think going out would be more fun.
16:00Fun?
16:01You want fun?
16:01We got fun right here.
16:03We got food.
16:04We got games.
16:05Mom.
16:05Earl, you go into the kitchen.
16:09Get on the phone and order some ribs.
16:11Mom.
16:11Right away, friend.
16:13My treat.
16:14Maurice, your money's no good here.
16:16But, but, Mom.
16:18Shh.
16:21Get out of here.
16:22Have a good time.
16:24Oh, oh.
16:25Thanks, Mom.
16:26You're a peach, Mrs. S.
16:28Oh.
16:29Bye.
16:30Bye-bye.
16:31You're taller than my brother, aren't you?
16:33Oh, yeah.
16:34I thought so.
16:38I'm back, Mr. Fun.
16:40And look, guys, I found the board games.
16:43You see, Franny, this is what dating should be.
16:46Parents and children.
16:51Where are the children, Fran?
16:52I'm back.
17:08Betrayed.
17:09Betrayed by the very ones I love.
17:12First, my daughter, who had the nerve to grow a tail and take it out into the night.
17:15And then my wife, Franny, the queen betrayer.
17:20She sent me into the other room to order ribs while daughter decisions were being made.
17:26And most of all, Bruno, who makes the skinniest ribs in the business.
17:31I ate six buckets and I lost weight.
17:37Ah, the refrigerator.
17:38Always there for me.
17:41Hey, turn out that light!
17:43Sorry.
17:50Oh!
17:55Oh!
17:57Oh!
17:59Yo, look here, Chunky.
18:01Just because you can't sleep doesn't mean you got to deter me.
18:04Uh, no.
18:06Then tuck me in.
18:08Yeah.
18:09Uh, yes, sir.
18:14take me out of the refrigerator this time of night i'll lose my space hey kiss me good night
18:20hmm no and don't be put me in no vegetable bin i'll wake up in the vegetable bin i'll come
18:27out
18:27and kick your big flabby dinosaur butt all up and down the super cottage you've been pacing the
18:33floors all night you i'm not even talking to you you who uses ribs to manipulate others
18:40earl you knew charlene was going to grow up someday this is not about her i'm not even
18:46thinking about her i'm not even worried about charlene in the least
18:57oh franny yesterday she was my sweet little girl and today she's little miss look what i got
19:04and that frightens you nothing frightens me fran i am the mighty megalosaurus i am the king of
19:11all i survey
19:15franny i don't know how to be the father of a teenage female thing you're a wonderful father
19:22earl yeah i was a wonderful father when they were little kids and sat on my lap but now they're
19:27not
19:27little kids anymore and i don't have a lap to sit on anymore all i want is my little girl
19:34back fran
19:34i want her to still need me i want to hold her and read her stories tell her i love
19:40her
19:42where the hell have you been hi daddy if you think i'm gonna pace these floors for the rest of
19:49my life
19:49worrying about you out there in the world little missy you could forget it you are not going out on
19:55many more dates well that's fine with me then we're in complete agreement yes we are
20:04why well because it was the most humiliating experience of my life
20:11oh what did he do to you
20:14he dumped me is that what the kids are calling it now fran
20:19he met a girl with a tail that was bigger than mine and he went off with her
20:24i walked all the way home oh well sweetheart you know in situations like this
20:35your mother is always right there and knows exactly what to say honey
20:45good night earl
20:50mom mom
20:58charlene why didn't you call me i'd have come to pick you up
21:02i thought if i walked home you'd be asleep but you waited up
21:07well of course i waited up what do you think
21:10i think if this is what happens i'm not going out on any more dates
21:16oh yes you are what look you grow a tail and all of a sudden guys start asking you out
21:23and you think these guys are the right guys to go out with
21:26yeah i do well you're wrong
21:30daddy nature gave me a tail nature thinks i'm old enough to make the right decisions
21:35is this the same nature that gave us volcanoes and earthquakes and human beings
21:39is this the same nature that turned you overnight from my little girl into some female walking home
21:45by herself thing
21:46i don't think nature knows what it's doing
21:50i think what you need is something to protect you from nature
21:53you mean like a father
21:56well actually i was thinking more like a machine gun
21:59but i guess a father would do in a pinch
22:02and i'm gonna tell you something charlene
22:05this boy didn't dump you
22:07because he wasn't even dating you
22:09he just left your tail for another tail
22:12if he knew you
22:13he never would have left you
22:16so
22:17you're gonna look out for me daddy
22:20well
22:21if you want me to
22:24i do want you to
22:26hey
22:28there's nothing i'd rather do charlene
22:34how'd i do friend
22:37well
22:38not the mama but
22:40you'll do in a pinch
23:05you'll see you next time
23:06so
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