#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
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MotorTranscript
01:02Thank you so much.
01:06Hello, everyone.
01:08Hello.
01:14Thank you so much, everyone.
01:16Thank you and welcome.
01:17Welcome.
01:19And in this show, we have literally everything the motoring enthusiast could possibly want.
01:26A shopping centre.
01:30An explosion.
01:32And a man banging a pole.
01:42That is all to come.
01:44But we start with this.
01:46If you're wealthy and you have nothing to do all day long, you're going to develop a drink
01:51problem.
01:52It's inevitable.
01:53It's inevitable.
01:53And it always happens.
01:54Paul Gascoigne.
01:55Queen Mother.
01:58James May.
02:01But if you're from the United Arab Emirates, you can't do that.
02:05So, instead, they buy toys that run on the stuff that made them rich in the first place.
02:12What?
02:12Gold?
02:13No, James.
02:13Not gold.
02:14I'm not in the gym.
02:15That's why, this week, I've taken the grand tour to Dubai.
02:23So, let's start out here.
02:29And let's start with this.
02:46This is what's called a sand rail.
02:50A vehicle built specifically to play in places like this.
03:02Admittedly, they were invented in the USA.
03:05But here, in the UAE, things are a bit more hardcore.
03:11In America, they turn these out with three, four hundred horsepower.
03:15Over here, they've dialed that up to fifteen hundred.
03:23And they've run them on these incredibly aggressive paddle-style tyres,
03:28which means it can accelerate from 0 to 60 in under three seconds.
03:32That's supercar speeds on sun.
03:37Holy fuck!
03:41Scrapping hell!
03:44What the f*** is it?
03:49Jesus!
03:51That is insane!
03:59I'm in love!
04:05Keen to see what else the locals are driving.
04:09I headed back into town.
04:15This is called the Ripsaw.
04:18And it's built by a small American firm
04:21who specialize in extreme off-road vehicles.
04:25Their customers are mainly the military
04:27and the people who make the Fast and Furious films.
04:32However, if you have the money,
04:34er, look where we are,
04:36you can have a Ripsaw built just for you
04:39as your own private runabout.
04:41So, let's see what it's like.
04:44Oh, and straight away,
04:45we are in thumbs-up territory.
04:48Gold wing doors!
04:52Safety.
05:03It's a tank.
05:05I'm in a tank.
05:06It's Matt Black.
05:09I'm on the road!
05:13Because each Ripsaw is custom-made,
05:16there is no definitive price list.
05:19But I can tell you,
05:20this one cost its owner around £300,000.
05:25For that, you get what's billed
05:27as a high-end luxury super-tack.
05:30And if you're nine,
05:31which I am,
05:32it doesn't get much better than that.
05:36On the luxury front,
05:37I've got air-con,
05:39electrically-adjusted leather seats,
05:41stereo.
05:41I mean, it's hardly a Bentley Bentayga in here,
05:44but look at all the controls and switches.
05:46I've got winches,
05:47work lights,
05:48a light bar.
05:50And who doesn't want
05:51a Thunderbird-style steering wheel?
05:58Ooh! Roundabout!
06:06Ooh!
06:11Yeah, I'll be honest,
06:12visibility is a bit poor out the sides,
06:14it should get marked down for that.
06:19And it turns out,
06:20visibility isn't the Ripsaw's only drawback
06:23as a city car.
06:25So here I am,
06:26at the shops,
06:27looking for a parking space,
06:29as you do.
06:31And, well,
06:32you can see for yourself.
06:34They haven't thought somebody might turn up
06:35in one of these.
06:37Thankfully,
06:38because the Ripsaw weighs nearly four tonnes,
06:41and is a tack.
06:43It can get round this issue.
06:56There we go.
06:58I think,
06:59at the next management meeting,
07:01they'll be having a serious rethink
07:02about the width of their parking spaces.
07:09Morning, shoppers!
07:15To be fair,
07:15this is a very big shopping centre.
07:18This is easier than walking,
07:19it's miles.
07:24Oh,
07:25that reminds me.
07:27I need to get cat food.
07:32Unfortunately,
07:32I couldn't find the pet shop,
07:34so it was time to leave.
07:37Now,
07:37I'm going to go out the way I came in,
07:38I don't want to make too much mess.
07:40And right now,
07:41you'll be thinking,
07:42well, how's he going to do a three-point turn
07:43in that thing?
07:45Nah,
07:46this is actually better than that.
07:49For in-town maneuverability,
07:51this is a tremendous feature.
07:53I'm surprised more manufacturers don't fit it.
07:58Although the Ripsaw is,
08:00in its own unique way,
08:01a good town runabout,
08:03it's definitely at its happiest
08:05out here.
08:23With a huge 6.6-litre diesel V8,
08:28the standard Ripsaw is acknowledged
08:30as the fastest tracked vehicle ever built.
08:35But this particular Ripsaw
08:37is not the standard model.
08:40In a normal state of tune,
08:41it's 400 brake horsepower.
08:43This one's been taken up to 700.
08:48At 975 pounds-feet of torque.
08:53Nearly four tons of off-road tank,
08:56traveling at 60 miles an hour perfectly happily.
09:00It is mighty.
09:03An equally surprising sensation
09:06is the ride.
09:08I thought because it's tracked,
09:09it'll just be solid and incredibly fruitful.
09:15But it has suspension.
09:16More suspension travel than a Range Rover.
09:19So it's subtle.
09:22Suddenly it's more Gazelle than Rhino.
09:26This thing rocks!
09:29And when it comes to bashing the dunes,
09:32the Ripsaw is in a league of its own.
09:36A Land Rover Discovery could climb
09:38a gradient of about 45%.
09:40This thing, 75.
09:45That's damn near vertical.
09:59This is the moment when, in desert driving,
10:01oh no, what's beyond, what's beyond!
10:06But I'm not worried.
10:07Because I'll be fine.
10:16Yeah!
10:22I've driven in deserts a lot.
10:24Never in something that just feels this capable.
10:29Camels are good in the desert, yeah,
10:31but this is better.
10:46What a device.
10:48I love this thing.
10:58I love this thing.
11:01Oh, there, there you are.
11:02Oh, there.
11:03You've got nothing about that 1,400,000.
11:07Of course, I'll be.
11:08I must ask, though,
11:10can you drive a tracked vehicle on the road in the UK?
11:14Well, the army can.
11:15Apart from the army.
11:16You're not allowed to drive a track vehicle that's going to damage the road,
11:19but the rip saw's okay because the tracks are rubber.
11:21Yeah, and of course, because they're rubber,
11:23if you're a complete nincompoop and you crash into somebody's treasured BMW,
11:27it does less... Did you see that?
11:29Did you know you'd even done that?
11:31Nope.
11:32It's a tank, which is why I love it.
11:35And now it is time for us to pop into the post office of chat
11:39on Conversation Street.
11:50Now, as this is the start of a new year,
11:53we thought we'd have a look at some of the cars we are looking forward to coming along in 2018.
11:57It's actually quite a car-y Conversation Street.
12:00And I want to start with the Bentley Continental GT,
12:02because that's been around for, what, 15 years now?
12:04Yeah, it is. 15 years.
12:06Anyway, they've restyled it, given it an all-new look. Here it is.
12:10Well, that is radical, isn't it?
12:12Yes.
12:13I want to have changed what?
12:14Yeah, well, it's a good question.
12:16Anyway, on the inside, they say it has driver-orientated instruments.
12:20Well, as opposed to what?
12:22Yeah, no idea.
12:23They say the central command screen is retina quality.
12:27I hope it's not my retina quality.
12:30It's sort of slightly blurry and a bit bloodshot round the edges.
12:33But actually, if you defocus my camera, you can see what it would look like if...
12:39Actually, that's better.
12:40Yeah, to be honest, I wish I had your retina sitting here looking at you.
12:44It's better.
12:44I do.
12:45So anyway, in short, this car, right, it looks the same as it did before.
12:49It has a speedometer you can see and a sat-nav screen that's in focus,
12:53all for £150,000.
12:55No, but actually, no, to be fair, for a W12 twin-turbo car like that,
12:59£150,000 these days isn't bad.
13:01It's not bad at all.
13:02And I bet that's a bloody good car.
13:04I think it probably will.
13:05I bet you it is.
13:05I bet that's going to be bloody good as well.
13:07The only thing I don't like about Bentley, I wish they'd stop going on about all that
13:10Bentley boys at Mulsanne and Menin Apron's making things.
13:14I've got a bit from their, um, from their blurb here.
13:17With your blurry eyes.
13:18Here we go, retina quality reading coming up.
13:20It's really not working, is it?
13:23It says designed, engineered and handcrafted in Britain, but the truth is that's a Porsche
13:28Panamera underneath and it has a VW engine and a Porsche gearbox, in fact.
13:32No, that's true, but the chief executive of Bentley is called Bunter Potherington Smythe.
13:38Is it?
13:39No, he's called Wolfgang Der Heimer.
13:40Is it?
13:41Yeah, it's a bit of a giveaway.
13:42But that's exactly the sort of thing they should celebrate, you see, they should say,
13:45Bentley, don't worry, it's reassuringly German.
13:48Precisely, that's what you want to hear.
13:50Yeah, exactly.
13:51There's a chance it might work.
13:52Anyway, have you seen this?
13:55This is the AMG Project One developed by Lewis Hamilton, so presumably it will have pierced door mirrors.
14:03Yeah, tattoo bodywork.
14:06Yeah.
14:06And when it gets to where it's going, the sat-nav says, hashtag blessed.
14:10Yeah.
14:13It's going to cost two million pounds.
14:15Doesn't say whether that includes tax.
14:22APPLAUSE
14:24Through all the fans.
14:27A car I'm looking forward to driving this year is this.
14:31That is the new BMW 8 Series.
14:33And if it actually looks like that, that admittedly is the styling thing that they show the public.
14:37But if it looks like that, I think it will be fantastic.
14:39And I've heard that it will be available with a 6.6 litre V12.
14:44That's a waste of time.
14:46What?
14:46Well, V12s actually don't make much sense, if you think about it.
14:50Well, that's a bit of a sweeping statement.
14:51No, seriously, because you get all the complexity and all the thirst, and where's the upside?
14:56Well, for a given capacity, you get a greater number of smaller pistons, which have a lower
14:59reciprocation rate, which means you can have a higher red line on the engine.
15:03There's a point.
15:05Yeah, the thing is, though, the power, the extra power you talk about,
15:08as a result of whatever it was you just said, is offset by the weight, and they sound dreary,
15:13and all V12s depreciate like pianos falling off tower blocks.
15:17Now, they do.
15:18A friend of mine, okay, he had a Ferrari GTC 4 Lusso, the V12 one, kept it four months,
15:23and sold it after four months, and lost £55,000 in four months.
15:30Four, yes, I mean, if he'd have had the V8, it wouldn't have depreciated that much.
15:35Well, mainly because he wouldn't have wanted to sell it in the first place.
15:37Do you know, that is really good buyer's advice for every man.
15:41It's real ammo.
15:42This for the man who's just reviewed a £300,000 tank.
15:46Has anyone got an expensive car?
15:49Yes.
15:49What?
15:50Range Rover.
15:51That's not expensive.
15:54The Range Rover, we use those as vans.
15:57What's the most...
15:58A what?
15:59SBR.
16:00Oh, and SBR is quite expensive.
16:02Is that with the V8 in it?
16:03Yes.
16:04Do you not feel an idiot when you overtake?
16:05No, but it's got a 1.3.
16:06Well, you just...
16:07No, with that supercharged V8, you feel like such an idiot when you overtake,
16:11because of the noise it makes.
16:12It's genuinely embarrassing.
16:13Oh, you'll admit.
16:14OK, let's not talk about supercars any more.
16:16Try and think of something that isn't about Lamborghinis.
16:20Well...
16:22The car I most like the look of is this.
16:25It's the Lamborghini concept.
16:29She made me do it.
16:31It's called the Terzo Millenio.
16:33I don't know if that's how you pronounce that.
16:34Terzo Millenio.
16:35But think about that car, interesting.
16:37It has supercapacitors instead of batteries,
16:39which are apparently better, and a motor in each wheel,
16:42you can see them, and they glow when it's running,
16:44which is cool, but best of all,
16:46they say it has self-healing bodywork.
16:49It's got nanotubes in it, which can detect damage
16:53and then repair it.
16:54How does that work?
16:56I don't know.
16:58No, they said they've been thinking outside the box to do it.
17:02I think they've been thinking inside the pub, haven't they?
17:05With itself.
17:05But if you went...
17:06When that isn't a drawing any more, and it's a real car,
17:09and you went on a motor show stand and ran a key down the side of it,
17:11I bet they wouldn't say,
17:13well, that's good, now we can watch it mend itself.
17:15No, they might charge after you, bellowing,
17:17I hope you've got nanotubes, chum, you're going to get a kicker.
17:20Things I'm excited about, it's actually out about now.
17:23Renault have a pickup truck.
17:25Look at that!
17:26Yeah.
17:26Why?
17:27Because the whole world wants one.
17:29Je suis un rouge-neck.
17:31Je suis un nerd kicker.
17:35I'm sorry to say that won't work,
17:37because the Americans don't want a Renault,
17:38and the French don't want a pickup truck.
17:40No.
17:41Isis like a pickup truck, don't they?
17:43Isis would...
17:45I'm just looking for a market!
17:46That's a good idea!
17:47This is business!
17:48That's what you do!
17:49If Renault shipped them all out to Syria,
17:52these crappy old Toyotas, it was a shiny new Renault won't start!
17:56Solve Isis in a heartbeat!
17:58Global peace!
17:59The drone's coming!
18:02Thank you, Renault!
18:03Well done, save the world!
18:04Renault has saved the world!
18:06Who knew?
18:07I'll tell you what I thought you'd like most of all for this year,
18:10is this.
18:11I do like the look of that, that is the new,
18:13it's the Dodge Challenger Demon,
18:15it's basically an even more powerful version of the Hellcat.
18:17I drove, in the last series, 840 horsepower,
18:20and if you look, it's got those little wheels at the front,
18:22because it's set up there for drag racing.
18:24But it looks like a T-Rex!
18:26What?
18:26It's ridiculous!
18:27It's like that!
18:28It's so stupid!
18:29That's why T-Rex's died out, they couldn't reach anything!
18:32Well, they were good at drag racing, though, weren't they?
18:35But they couldn't even pleasure themselves!
18:37Sorry?
18:40Well, how would a T-Rex pleasure themselves?
18:41How's your mind even gone there?
18:44I'm telling you, that's why...
18:45Is that why they were always in such a bad mood?
18:46Yes.
18:48And that is the end of Conversation Street.
18:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:52Thank you very much.
18:57Excellent, excellent.
19:01Moving on, I would like to talk a little about hot hatchbacks,
19:04because I think they might be getting a bit silly.
19:07The AMG Mercedes A-Class develops 375 horsepower,
19:12the Focus RS has 345 horsepower.
19:15Why do you need that much power in a hatchback?
19:18Well, James...
19:19Well, nothing, because I think it's time we all just calm down a bit.
19:29This is the Golf GTI, and it's a perfect illustration of what I'm on about.
19:41Yes, it is quick, and it should be quick.
19:44It's got more power than a 1980s Ferrari, but then again, it needs a lot of power,
19:50because it's so big and so heavy.
19:53The hot hatch wasn't always like this.
19:55To show you what I mean, here's the original Golf GTI from 42 years ago.
20:01And it's a very different animal indeed.
20:06Now, that car wasn't about massive rear leg room, or a big bulky body, or a huge duvet of sound
20:13deadening, or all this equipment, or any of that stuff.
20:15It was just about having a bit of a laugh darting around in a biscuit-tin body of the car.
20:23Sadly, they don't make them like that anymore.
20:26Well, except when they do.
20:30This is the Volkswagen Up, the smallest car VW sells.
20:36And now, they've made a GTI version.
20:39A car that's been created to resurrect the spirit of that original Mark I Golf.
20:48In fact, the similarities are uncanny.
20:53Let's start with horsepower.
20:56The original had just 108.
20:59And the Up GTI has a similarly modest 113.
21:04Giving both cars a 0-60 time of around 9 seconds.
21:10It's also a little bit 80s retro in here.
21:13For a start, you start it by turning a key.
21:16There's no button to press for people who want to pretend to be fighter pilots.
21:19You change gear using a stick and an old-fashioned clutch pedal.
21:23And I haven't actually looked in the boot yet, but I expect there's a minor strike in there, or the
21:27speeches of Margaret Thatcher.
21:34However, one of the reasons the Mark I GTI was so much fun to drive was because it was so
21:40light.
21:42But the Up, being a modern car, weighs a portly 200 kilograms more.
21:49So, with all that extra weight to lug around, is the new boy actually any fun on the move?
22:02Well, it's modernity does pay under the bonnet.
22:06This has just a one-litre engine with only three cylinders, but it does have a turbocharger.
22:12For a bit of extra umph, and it makes a fantastic growly noise.
22:16Listen to this.
22:20You don't get that in a modern Golf GTI. It's all smooth and asinine.
22:27Now, that noise, there it is there.
22:30It's a bit of a cheat, to be honest, because there's something called a sound actuator under the bonnet,
22:35and it artificially pumps that growl into the cabin, but so what?
22:41It's very satisfying.
22:43So, the engine's a bit of a hoot.
22:45And, despite the extra weight, the Ups pretty nimble through corners too.
22:57Yeah, you see, small, chuckable, enjoyable.
23:06It is proper fun.
23:10Feels like I'm doing hundreds of miles an hour.
23:16You know what this is like? It's a bit like an 80s action movie, where the same thing blows up
23:21ten times.
23:29And it's that compared with, say, a CGI blockbuster full of amazing effects.
23:34One is a simple laugh, the other is a bit too bloated and, frankly, up its own arse.
23:41But even though the up harks back to simpler times, it still comes with climate control,
23:48heated seats, Bluetooth, a reversing camera, and, for when your 17-year-old borrows it,
23:55traction control that you can't turn off.
24:02So, it's quicker than it sounds, it scampers around like a spaniel,
24:06and it's got just enough kit to make it comfortable, but no more than that.
24:11And it gives you all this for about £14,000.
24:15Or, to put it another way, it's half the price of a new Golf GTI,
24:21and, I honestly believe, twice the fun.
24:25I might actually want one.
24:40So, that is interesting. What you're saying is, the up GTI is half the price of a modern Golf GTI,
24:48and more fun.
24:48Yeah, and cheaper to run. And, actually, to be honest, it's more characterful.
24:52Yeah. So, really, the conclusion is that, to own a Golf GTI, you'd have to be a moron.
24:58To be honest, you'd have to be demented.
25:00Yeah.
25:01Shall we see how fast the up goes around the Ebola drone?
25:04Oh, wait. You own a Golf GTI, don't you?
25:07Yes, I do.
25:08I knew somebody had one. It's when you said a moron, that's when it all clicked on the front.
25:12Anyway, the lap.
25:16Right, let's see what you got.
25:19And she's off. A murky day out there, and I'm sure she'd rather be in a Golf.
25:26Onto the Izzan Strait. That's some standing water out there, but she's showing no fear at all.
25:32Smooth line through there, now trundling down towards your name here.
25:36A Golf, of course, would have arrived hours ago.
25:40She still isn't there. Come on!
25:43The little up, exclamation mark, GTI dawdling through there.
25:48Golf GTI has a clever dip, of course. This doesn't.
25:51And now back onto the Izzan Strait.
25:54Perfect line along there.
25:56Down the gears now for old lady's house.
25:58Well, not yet, but in a minute she will be.
26:00Hang on. Any minute now.
26:02There she is, down through the gears.
26:05Will it understeer through here?
26:07No, because, of course, you can't turn off the traction control, whereas you can
26:10in a Golf GTI, because it's a car for brave and brilliant people.
26:15Right, down the bumpy back straight to Substation.
26:18It really is awful weather out there.
26:20If she was in a Golf, it'd be sunny.
26:23Right, just the last corner to crawl round.
26:26There it is.
26:27And across the line.
26:34Right, let's find out where it goes on the board, shall we?
26:38Let's have a look.
26:41Literally the slowest car in the world.
26:44Yeah, but it was chucking it down. Come on.
26:46So, you're saying if it had been dry, it would have challenged the Aston Martin Vulcan now, right?
26:50Yes, it would.
26:52Anyway, we must now move it on, because it is time to play Celebrity Face Off.
27:09And once again, we are asking an important question, and it's this.
27:14Who is the fastest person in the world who has a failed former career in a band?
27:20Well, to help us find out, please welcome Dominic Cooper and Bill Bailey!
27:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:27For that.
27:30Twins!
27:32Literally twins.
27:33Welcome.
27:35Have a seat.
27:41Welcome, gentlemen.
27:43Welcome, welcome. I have to tell you, I had a great one last night, Dominic.
27:45I actually met you in a restaurant just last night.
27:48No, no.
27:50Exactly, that was the problem.
27:51I was with a couple of theatrical and film people.
27:53They said, I was saying you were coming on the show.
27:55And they went, it was sitting on the next table.
27:56So, I went over and actually said to this person, I hear you coming on the show.
28:00And he went, oh, are you talking about?
28:02You went over to someone that wasn't me last night thinking it was me,
28:05but you got persuaded by the people you were with that it was me.
28:07It was incredible, because you did look incredible.
28:09I don't know who he was.
28:10He was a complete stranger.
28:11I, perhaps it was Danny Dyer.
28:13No.
28:15No, no, no, no, no.
28:16That is not fair.
28:17So, anyway, I made a bit of a fool of myself.
28:18Anyway, right, the link...
28:20Well, thank goodness you haven't done that before.
28:21LAUGHTER
28:23It's a new experience.
28:25APPLAUSE
28:26Woo-hoo!
28:26How are you laughing at this show?
28:28Oh, dear.
28:30Anyway, the link, of course, between you two is that you both had failed careers
28:34in bands early on.
28:36I wouldn't say fail.
28:37I don't know, fail, really?
28:39Well, interesting.
28:41What's success in terms of a band?
28:43Well, OK, I think, were you not once the band outnumbered the audience?
28:47Every time we played.
28:48That's a failure.
28:49Is it?
28:50I call that a failure.
28:51Well, there was one particular gig in Greenwich,
28:54where, yeah, there was one audience member.
28:56Five fan members, one audience member.
28:58Oh, that's tricky.
29:00Before you start with the...
29:02What was your band called?
29:04Well, the band was called The Famous Five,
29:06and there was actually four people in it.
29:10And nobody had heard of us,
29:11so it still didn't make any sense.
29:14And we did have a photo shoot,
29:17and the drummer was quite a vain man,
29:20and he decided what a great idea would be to,
29:22if we all painted our little fingers with black nail varnish,
29:27because that looked cool, right?
29:28And then we saw the photo shoot,
29:30and it looks like we've all trapped our hand in a door.
29:32And it just looks really stupid.
29:35Now, I've got a question that's from Richard Hammond,
29:36because I was in a band.
29:38We were talking about this the other day.
29:39James May was in a band.
29:40He was in a band.
29:40Now, he still does, actually,
29:42wear socks down the front of his underpants to do the show.
29:44What? What?
29:44He was wondering,
29:45did you ever put anything down the front of your...
29:47I did not ask that!
29:49You did, you did, you said.
29:51Can you ask them what they put down...
29:52I guess you've written that down yourself!
29:54Well, I may have made it up a bit,
29:56but you never went down that route.
29:57No.
29:57You did?
29:58No, no, no, never.
29:59Did you?
30:00Well, very recently,
30:01because I had to wear a lot of spandex in the thing I'm filming at the moment,
30:04all-in-one spandex, sort of...
30:07This is Mamma Mia, too.
30:08...70s ABBA suit.
30:09Yeah, so we were all discussing.
30:10It was quite a logistical and quite problematic thing.
30:13It makes you look like you have absolutely very little going on in that department.
30:17So we had to decide whether and what we would use to...
30:21Right.
30:21Do you know what I mean?
30:22What did you put down the front of your trousers?
30:24This is what Hammond was asking.
30:25I wasn't asking.
30:27Just to be clear.
30:28I tried two make-up sponges at first.
30:31Two make-up sponges.
30:33Anyway, listen, can I get on to...
30:35We've got to get on to cars.
30:36You're united, I think, by a love of French cars.
30:38Yes.
30:39Because you have a Citroën DS, I understand.
30:41I do, yes.
30:41Beautiful, yeah.
30:42Which is beautiful.
30:42Stunning car.
30:43It's one of the...
30:43It's the most beautiful car I ever made.
30:45I agree.
30:46And it's a piece of work.
30:48And why did you buy such a thing?
30:50Why?
30:50Well, because of the Icelandic volcano
30:54with the unpronounceable name,
30:57when it erupted and there was a big ash cloud,
31:00we were trapped.
31:01We were in southern Spain.
31:03Couldn't get home.
31:04All the flights were cancelled.
31:05The ferries were full.
31:07We thought we'd get the train back through France,
31:09but of course, perfectly,
31:11the French decided to have a rail strike
31:13during the time of the greatest travel upheaval
31:17in recent memory.
31:18No, I don't care.
31:19I don't care about you.
31:21But there's no flights.
31:22No, I don't care.
31:24So we...
31:27I'm just checking my blood pressure.
31:31So what happened was, we thought,
31:33let's just buy a car and drive home in it.
31:36And then I thought, well, let's not just buy any car.
31:39Let's buy the car I've always wanted to own.
31:42So we found a little garage just outside Marseille.
31:44And it was just wrecks of every kind of French car
31:47you could imagine.
31:47But amongst them was this old black DS.
31:50And it was a bit of a wreck, but it went.
31:53And it got you home?
31:54It got us home.
31:54And then over the last few years,
31:57I've refurbed it into its former glory.
31:59And you still drive it around today?
32:01I still drive it around today.
32:02Now, you started on this Citroen thing.
32:04Did you learn to drive in a 2CV?
32:06Yes, I did, in a field.
32:08Because the thing about the 2CV is,
32:09if you learn in one of those,
32:11and I've often wondered that,
32:12when you get into an actual proper car,
32:15do you think, well, I literally don't know what anything does,
32:17because the gear leave is all in a different place
32:18and everything feels different.
32:19Yeah, the gear's all backwards, isn't it?
32:21And it didn't help that I think my stepdad at the time
32:23put the engine in backwards,
32:24so it had four reverse gears and one forward.
32:26That's what you didn't know.
32:28But they're so simple.
32:29And the fount, they had those fountains,
32:31you just had a fountains,
32:32you just opened just a hole into the...
32:34I love the fact, I love the basic nature of it.
32:36You could open it with just a screwdriver, a coin.
32:40I had a Citroen Diane,
32:42which, if you can believe it,
32:43is the more basic version of the 2CV.
32:45And I left it parked up somewhere,
32:48and I forgot my key, and I thought,
32:49nah, don't worry about that, I can break in.
32:51So I broke into my own car,
32:53and I got into the back seat,
32:54and there was a child seat there.
32:56I don't have a child.
32:57Oh, no.
32:59Oh, dear.
33:02And, er, but it's very easy to put back together again,
33:05you know, for when the real owner comes back.
33:08Cos, now, your first car, not French,
33:10was that...
33:10It was a Healey?
33:12Austin Healey Sprite, yeah.
33:13Oh, a Sprite, right, not a big Healey.
33:15Not a 3,000, no, no.
33:16It's a tiny little thing.
33:16I don't know how I dared drive it.
33:18Actually, it was my brother's,
33:20and I needed to get to Stratford to do a play,
33:22and I don't know why or how I had the nerve.
33:24I wasn't insured.
33:25The car had a...
33:26I think it had a hole about that high above the petrol tank,
33:28so you could put 55p's worth of petrol in it,
33:30which would get you there.
33:32It had no wipers.
33:32It's all like an Uber driver.
33:33Wipers on strings.
33:35And, erm, one headlight.
33:38And what are you running now?
33:39The Healey.
33:40The Healey around London and an RS, an Audi RS7.
33:43Hang on, so you still have the Healey?
33:45Yeah, I got another one from eBay.
33:47It works quite well.
33:49Really?
33:49Yeah, it's the only thing that's ever turned up,
33:51or that I've bought on eBay.
33:53Yeah, it's quite good.
33:55Cos, it's interesting, you both drive old cars,
33:56and why would you?
33:58Because you are quite a speedy driver, if we're honest.
34:01Oh, well, I like the speed.
34:02I like to go fast.
34:03How many points did you get on your licence at one point?
34:06Er, well, all of them.
34:08Er, you know, I had 12 points,
34:10and then I went over the 12 points,
34:12and I had to go on a speed awareness course,
34:14and I've done that three times now,
34:17so I'm quite used to that.
34:19So you do get pulled a lot?
34:20Yes.
34:21I was driving down to Devon,
34:23and I forgot to put my seatbelt.
34:25My bad.
34:26Terrible thing to do.
34:27I'd just pulled out of the service station.
34:29I hadn't had it on.
34:29I was just in the process of putting it on.
34:31And anyway, so I got pulled over,
34:34and the copper, he said to me,
34:36right, he goes, now, he said it was from up north.
34:38He goes, very dangerous, what you did there.
34:40I went, oh, yeah.
34:41He said, you know the band Def Leppard?
34:43And I said, yeah, I know the band Def Leppard.
34:45He goes, yeah.
34:46He goes, you know the drummer?
34:48He lost his arm.
34:48He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
34:50He was thrown from the vehicle.
34:52Lost his arm.
34:52And I went, oh, right.
34:54And he goes, his girlfriend?
34:55She was wearing a seatbelt.
34:56Killed instantly.
34:58Right?
35:02What was his point?
35:04I don't know.
35:05I know.
35:05And it didn't back up his story at all, did it?
35:09Right, so anyway, you came here.
35:11You did all this.
35:12And was it fun?
35:14It was great fun.
35:15I'm sorry.
35:16I just loved it.
35:17Loved every second of it, yeah.
35:18I'm trying to work out whose lap should we see first.
35:21We'll go your nearest.
35:24All right.
35:24Shall we have a look at Bill's lap?
35:26Yeah.
35:27Come on then, let's see it.
35:30And away we go.
35:32It's looking good today, the Jack.
35:33It is.
35:34Ha-ha.
35:36Lovely lady of acceleration.
35:38A few helmet issues there, if I may be so bold.
35:41It looks like I've been punched.
35:43Yeah, fat kid stuck in a lift.
35:46Um, that's a bit steady through there, but I agree with that, because otherwise it's a bit tricky when you
35:50get onto the gravel.
35:51Yes.
35:52Holding it nicely together.
35:53Holding it nicely together.
35:54Into difficult bit one.
35:55Tricky bit there.
35:56You're so good at this.
36:26Oh, horrible gravel.
36:27You're so good now.
36:28Very exciting.
36:32There's a man who likes a bit of speed.
36:35And, ooh, there's a couple of lines chosen for there, and another one there.
36:39Coming up to the final corner.
36:42A little bit of understeer, but not like Casey the Bear Man had the other day.
36:45And there we are across the line, everybody.
36:56That did look good.
36:58Now, Dominic, um, you had a bit of a problem.
37:02What's that?
37:03Well, with one of your practice laps.
37:04Would anybody like to see you?
37:06Yes!
37:08Why, which bit?
37:09This bit.
37:10Here he comes.
37:12And onto the slippery bit.
37:14All obsidating.
37:15Yes, yes, yes.
37:16And, man, this is what I love.
37:19Keeping it going.
37:21Yes!
37:24That was very good.
37:27Yeah.
37:28That was a bad moment.
37:29That was a bad moment.
37:31Eventually, you've got a lap put together.
37:33Would you like to see it?
37:34Yes.
37:35It's not going to be as good.
37:38Let's say, it always seems to take a while getting off the line.
37:41Now, I'm going to have to break quite hard into this corner.
37:43Oh, no.
37:43Ah!
37:44Okay.
37:47Now, you've got to...
37:47Hang on.
37:48Let's listen.
37:50Oh, feathering the throttle through there.
37:52That's nicely done.
37:53Holding it as we head toward the gravel.
37:57Yeah.
37:58You can see it starting to fishtail.
37:59That is slightly bowel loosening when it does that.
38:02Yep.
38:03Very wide through there.
38:05Oh, no!
38:05It looks like it's manure.
38:07Come on, car!
38:08Flaming the car.
38:09It is.
38:10Cars respond when you shout at them.
38:12It's what people don't understand, but they do.
38:14It's such good fun, that gravel bit.
38:16That's tidy through there.
38:18Right, difficult bit two.
38:19Tidy.
38:20Sometimes tidy is fast.
38:22Sometimes it isn't, I admit, but it could be.
38:25More fishtailing there.
38:26You've got to try and get it right for this.
38:27Can you do it properly this time?
38:29Yes, look at that.
38:31Now, this is the corner.
38:32Nicely done.
38:32It's greasy.
38:33Is it very slippery?
38:34It's hard.
38:34It's hard coming out of the gravel onto the tarmac.
38:36Be confident!
38:37Keep going!
38:38Keep going!
38:39It is exciting.
38:40As though I'm going to stop.
38:42It's just...
38:42Ooh, another one.
38:43Ooh, there's another one.
38:44Ooh, shall I turn it?
38:44Ooh, maybe not.
38:45There we go.
38:46Coming up now to the last corner.
38:48You can lose so much time here,
38:50but I don't think you are doing there.
38:52And there we are.
38:53Across the line, everyone.
38:55Welcome.
38:56That is such fun.
39:02Now, I've got the times here.
39:05Bill Bailey.
39:06Yes.
39:07It's a 1.25.1, is what it is.
39:09All right, then.
39:10Now, it's a good time.
39:11It's a greasy track out there.
39:13It was wet.
39:14It was wet.
39:15Yeah, no question, that's a greasy track out there,
39:17and that's pretty good.
39:18The times we've been having, that's ballpark,
39:21and they've been in the dry, so you could be proud of it.
39:23Oof.
39:24Dominic Cooper.
39:25Wow.
39:261.
39:27Pfft.
39:2820.
39:29Mm-hm.
39:303.
39:32Well done.
39:37So there we are, ladies and gentlemen.
39:40Let's get this right, shall we?
39:42It's Bill Bailey, and the fastest person with a beard,
39:46who went on into either stand-up or acting,
39:48with a failed early career in a band, W. Cooper!
39:51Thank you, gentlemen.
39:52Thank you, gentlemen.
39:55Very good.
39:56Now, if you go on the internet, there's lots of films on there
40:01with people skidding around in cars.
40:03I've got an example here of what I'm on about.
40:05And you work out.
40:09To the side of the world is scared.
40:13You can walk me down and drop it out.
40:22I've got a look out.
40:23I've got a tour.
40:25I've got a Yuna Park with one or two.
40:28I've got a sense of this.
40:28You could walk me down here.
40:28I've got one at a Quickategory.
40:29Now.
40:30Go around here.
40:33Now.
40:38Yes, yes.
40:40You know what you're thinking, and you're thinking,
40:42oh, that's very impressive.
40:44You're thinking, that's very impressive, but is it?
40:47Well, yes, it is. That's the thing.
40:50I don't think it is. Anyone could do it.
40:52What? No, they couldn't.
40:53They could, seriously, because every time you make a bit of a mistake,
40:55you cut to a shot of the rev counter, right, or changing gear,
40:59or, you know, your face is a bit heroic,
41:01and then you get back to the action again.
41:02It's just editing.
41:04Now, I think it's a bit more complicated than that.
41:06No, it isn't, honestly.
41:07And I decided to prove my point by making a skidding about film
41:11of my own, OK?
41:13No, it's really simple, OK?
41:15Why are you doing that?
41:17Well, so I look heroic, I just said.
41:18Well, are you done?
41:19I do, and I will.
41:21This will be good.
41:21It is.
41:22I'll bet it isn't.
41:22It is.
41:36It is.
41:46Nice.
41:55Let's go.
42:20Let's go.
42:52Let's go.
43:25Let's go.
43:48Let's go.
44:18Let's go.
44:19Let's go.
44:21Let's go.
44:21Let's go.
44:21Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:22Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:23Let's go.
44:27Let's go.
45:21Let's go.
45:28Let's go.
45:55Let's go.
45:58Let's go.
46:38Let's go.
47:07Let's go.
47:37Let's go.
48:03Let's go.
48:27Let's go.
48:29Let's go.
49:02Let's go.
49:22Let's go.
49:51Let's go.
49:54Let's go.
50:16Let's go.
50:49Let's go.
51:13Let's go.
51:17Let's go.
51:45Let's go.
51:48Let's go.
51:50Let's go.
52:20Let's go.
52:41Let's go.
53:11Let's go.
53:41Let's go.
53:44Yeah.
53:46Let's go.
54:23Let's go.
54:40Let's go.
55:08Let's go.
55:38Let's go.
55:45Let's go.
56:09Let's go.
56:40Let's go.
56:59Let's go.
57:10Let's go.
57:13Let's go.
57:13Let's go.
57:43Let's go.
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