#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
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MotorTranscript
00:00:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:38CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:11Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you.
00:01:15Now, coming up in this week's show.
00:01:19A supercar is dismantled for no reason.
00:01:22A man with no shirt on.
00:01:25And my whole tongue is wrapped up in intestine.
00:01:28My whole tongue is wrapped up in intestine.
00:01:32APPLAUSE
00:01:33Those are the highlights.
00:01:35Those are the back bit.
00:01:36They really are.
00:01:40Anyway, over here in the West,
00:01:42we tend to think that at £360,000,
00:01:47a Rolls-Royce Phantom is quite expensive.
00:01:49But this week, the Grand Tour is focusing mostly on China.
00:01:54And over there, things are a bit different.
00:02:06Not that long ago, China was full of old, bent-over rice farmer ladies,
00:02:11up to their ankles in mud.
00:02:16But these days, things have changed a bit.
00:02:39As recently as the 1980s, people here would lie awake at night,
00:02:45dreaming of having enough money to buy a mule.
00:02:53Whereas now, just 30 years later, they dream of being able to buy a honky.
00:02:59Specifically, this honky.
00:03:01Specifically, this honky.
00:03:02The L5.
00:03:07In Chinese, honky means the red flag, the symbol of communism.
00:03:13But there's nothing at all communistical about this monster's price tag,
00:03:18which is £880,000.
00:03:25The interior is an exquisite work of art, with rosewood panelling and cream leather.
00:03:32The dashboard and centre console are fully digital.
00:03:37There's jade in the door handles and gold and sunflowers everywhere else.
00:03:44I only saw this thing for the first time a few moments ago,
00:03:47and already, I'm in love.
00:03:49I love the way each door weighs the same as a medium-sized mountain.
00:03:54I love the red flags here, and on the bonnet.
00:03:57I love the flagpoles.
00:03:58It's like...
00:04:00It's like a cartoon baddies car,
00:04:02because in real life, nobody could be that bad.
00:04:05It's impossible.
00:04:11One thing the honky doesn't have is armour plating.
00:04:16But even so, it weighs just shy of 3.2 tonnes.
00:04:23Now, to move this enormous weight around,
00:04:27it's fitted with a 6-litre V12 engine,
00:04:31which turns petrol into silence.
00:04:35It's not particularly comfortable, though.
00:04:38The seats especially are very hard,
00:04:40and the steering wheel adjuster button is broken,
00:04:43and there are no cup holders.
00:04:45And it certainly isn't fast.
00:04:47In fact, it has the same power-to-weight ratio
00:04:50as a Peugeot 308 diesel.
00:04:53Honky won't say what the Nord 60 time is,
00:04:57I suspect because it won't actually do change to.
00:05:02You know what, though?
00:05:03I don't care about any of that,
00:05:05because it is just magnificent.
00:05:07And evil.
00:05:10Gloriously.
00:05:11Brilliantly evil.
00:05:14Despite its villainous presence, though,
00:05:17the price is mad.
00:05:19So, I called May and Hammond,
00:05:22and we came up with an idea.
00:05:34If you are a Chinese businessman or businessman woman,
00:05:38and you want a car that reflects your status,
00:05:40you don't need to spend £880,000.
00:05:43You can simply pop over to Europe
00:05:45and buy a Mercedes S-Class like this one.
00:05:52And even though this is the six-litre V12,
00:05:55it cost me just £8,800.
00:05:59In other words, you could have a hundred of these
00:06:01for the price of a honky.
00:06:05At this point, my colleague Richard Hammond arrived in...
00:06:08something or other.
00:06:11What is that?
00:06:12This is a Cadillac STS, and you can shut up.
00:06:15I wasn't going to say anything.
00:06:17Good!
00:06:18Because this is fitted with one of the best engines of all time.
00:06:21The creamy smooth 4.6-litre Northstar V8,
00:06:25making 300 all-American horsepower.
00:06:28That engine was designed so it can run for up to 100 miles
00:06:31with no coolant in it at all,
00:06:33by shutting down one bank of the V8 until it cools,
00:06:36and then the other one, and then the other one.
00:06:37That is clever.
00:06:38And front-wheel drive?
00:06:40Yeah.
00:06:41It's a luxury car.
00:06:42Who cares what wheels are being driven, James?
00:06:44A lot of people who care about torque steer,
00:06:47weight distribution,
00:06:49dignified engineering, doing things properly.
00:06:50All right, all right.
00:06:51I'll cancel all the track days I've entered in it,
00:06:53and I'll just drive around in it as a luxury car.
00:06:56Anyway, this is the Mercedes S-Class,
00:06:58which as we know is really a sort of paradigm for the luxury car,
00:07:01and it's a pioneer of many things that are new on cars
00:07:04and that we all come to see as standard seven years later.
00:07:06For example, first car to have...
00:07:09Soft closed doors.
00:07:10How many miles has it done?
00:07:12180.
00:07:141,000.
00:07:15Yeah, well, I figured.
00:07:16Where did your car come from?
00:07:18Germany.
00:07:19A German?
00:07:19Mm-hmm.
00:07:21Bought a Cadillac.
00:07:22We were then interrupted by the arrival of Clarkson
00:07:25in a BMW.
00:07:28Ooh.
00:07:29I see you've bought the long car.
00:07:32Yours is long as well.
00:07:33And you two have been from the 1970s.
00:07:36They're the long wheelbase.
00:07:37And this is long.
00:07:38It is long.
00:07:39This is the BMW 750 IL,
00:07:43as Q called it in the Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies.
00:07:46Did he?
00:07:47He did.
00:07:47Nobody told it.
00:07:48Nobody on the set said...
00:07:49Desmond.
00:07:51That's not...
00:07:52You would think, wouldn't you?
00:07:52Oh, well.
00:07:53And in the film, they used 740s.
00:07:56We batched.
00:07:56This is...
00:07:57Yeah, this is the real deal.
00:07:59The 5.4 litre V12.
00:08:02Mm.
00:08:02And all I paid for it was 8,400 pounds.
00:08:06That is one hell of a lot of car.
00:08:08I only paid 3,000 pounds for my Cadillac.
00:08:12That's a Cadillac.
00:08:14Oh.
00:08:14Yes.
00:08:14The point I'm going to make is...
00:08:16What kind of a moron in Germany said...
00:08:20There's Audi.
00:08:21There's BMW.
00:08:22There's Mercedes.
00:08:23I should buy a Cadillac.
00:08:25In fact, I know exactly...
00:08:26You know those Germans, you see, that think they're Hell's Angels?
00:08:29They're dentists, but they have Harley Davidsons.
00:08:31Yes.
00:08:31And they go to the Oktoberfest and they drink Budweiser.
00:08:34Yes.
00:08:34Well, I know the Germans...
00:08:36No, you're wrong.
00:08:38Because the previous owner of that car was an American general living in Germany.
00:08:42Was he?
00:08:42He was an American general and he bought that because he recognised what Cadillac intended with that car,
00:08:47which is to take on Audi, BMW, Mercedes, directly with that car, with the North Star engine.
00:08:52Oh, yes.
00:08:52They were very successful at that, weren't they?
00:08:54Because Europe is full of Cadillacs.
00:08:55Yeah, you see them everywhere.
00:08:56You never see an Audi.
00:08:57Dripping over these.
00:08:58Rarity and exclusivity are part of luxury.
00:09:01Let's have a look at yours.
00:09:02Mine, honestly, is a perfect neck.
00:09:04It's absolutely fine.
00:09:06I saw that.
00:09:06I saw that.
00:09:07So what?
00:09:07That's got double glazing and it has gone wrong.
00:09:10Oh, wait a minute.
00:09:11Come on.
00:09:12What's the disease?
00:09:13James, is that between the paints?
00:09:15Yeah, it's got mumps.
00:09:16That's the most depressing.
00:09:17A double glazed window with mildew in between it.
00:09:21You've got mildew inside your windows.
00:09:23Where?
00:09:23There.
00:09:24Well, it's just...
00:09:25That's really poor.
00:09:26Oh, my God.
00:09:28What's the...
00:09:29Basically, it's disappearing before your eyes.
00:09:31How can a German car go?
00:09:32Are you sure it's a real one?
00:09:33Was it parked in the sea when you bought it?
00:09:35Let's not get bogged down with the oxidization of my car.
00:09:38Because a lot of Chinese people, as we know, come to Europe these days.
00:09:41Mostly to go to the Vista Shopping Village.
00:09:44Which is now a bigger tourist attraction for the Chinese in England than Buckingham Palace.
00:09:49True fact.
00:09:49Does anybody else find that faintly depressing?
00:09:51Very depressing.
00:09:51If Chinese people are going to come to the UK and buy Western soap and Western frogs,
00:09:57why would they not buy Western cars when they're there?
00:10:00Yeah, because you can't buy these cars secondhand over here.
00:10:03No, they're not.
00:10:04This vintage isn't available here.
00:10:05No, no.
00:10:06Because when these cars were new, everyone in China had...
00:10:08Bicycles.
00:10:09Yes.
00:10:10And what we're saying is you can buy one of these for a lot less than a luxury honky.
00:10:16A lot, lot less.
00:10:18And that's what we're here to prove, people of China.
00:10:23We couldn't have chosen a better location for our test.
00:10:27The absolutely mind-blowing city of Chongqing.
00:10:46I'll give you a few facts and figures, if I may, about Chongqing.
00:10:50Population in the municipal area of around 30 million.
00:10:54So it's one of the biggest cities in the world.
00:10:5714 different car makers here, so it's China's Motown.
00:11:00And it's the capital of the Chinese motorcycling industry.
00:11:03And they made 100 million laptops here last year.
00:11:15Apparently the city is twinned with Leicester.
00:11:17And you can see why.
00:11:19Apart from everything about it.
00:11:26Oh, look, a train going through a building.
00:11:29Obviously.
00:11:32It's an amazing looking place.
00:11:35I mean, the people of Dubai think they're good at knocking up a building quickly.
00:11:38But look at the stuff being built here.
00:11:43Of course, when a city gets this big, this fast, there are many ways to make money.
00:11:53There's steel.
00:11:55And glass.
00:11:56And concrete.
00:11:58But one man thought, hold on.
00:12:01Every one of the rooms in every one of those buildings...
00:12:06...is going to need a door.
00:12:09Genius.
00:12:10No brainer on the dragon's den, that's for sure.
00:12:16It was such a good idea, he now has a drive-through door factory.
00:12:30Security doors.
00:12:33Front doors.
00:12:34Interior doors.
00:12:36Really fancy schmancy doors.
00:12:38Ornate doors.
00:12:40Bank vault door.
00:12:41Car doors.
00:12:43Five million of them last year.
00:12:45Five million doors.
00:12:47Well, that's not very interesting, is it?
00:12:49Yes, but...
00:12:51Now I'm the richest man in the world.
00:12:54If employees angel overtime, it is not devil when they get salary.
00:12:59Okay, he's not a brilliant writer.
00:13:01But what a maker of doors.
00:13:07The most noticeable thing about Chongqing, though, is the heat.
00:13:13This is called the furnace of China.
00:13:18Average daily temperatures, this time of year, which is mid-July, 45 degrees, with 80% humidity.
00:13:29This place is hot.
00:13:31Like, mega hot.
00:13:34It's so hot and so sticky, that five minutes after putting up a building, the jungle is growing out of
00:13:42it.
00:13:43And this is okay if you're in an air-conditioned BMW or Cadillac.
00:13:50However...
00:13:51I'm gonna have to tell you that the air-conditioning simply doesn't work in my car.
00:13:57Please, no.
00:13:59Not here.
00:14:01Have you heard the news?
00:14:03James' aircon?
00:14:05What?
00:14:07Oh, dear.
00:14:10Oh.
00:14:11Oh, that is gonna feel that.
00:14:17Aircon issues aside, though, it did seem like we were onto something with our pre-owned Western limousines.
00:14:26Cars here cost roundabout twice as much as they do in the UK because of taxes and profiteering from the
00:14:35car company.
00:14:36So if you see someone in a Range Rover Velar, as I just did, that here is £140,000.
00:14:45Yeah, I mean, that S-Class there, that's a tasty one.
00:14:49That's a £300,000 car in China.
00:14:52And that's why this BMW makes sense.
00:14:56You could come to Europe, pick up a 750 IL like this for £8,500, pay for the shipping to
00:15:03China, pay the taxes, and it would still cost you less than a Honda Civic.
00:15:09And it's not like this is on its last legs.
00:15:13I don't have a single thing in here that's broken.
00:15:16The steering wheel adjuster, unlike in the Honky, is working.
00:15:20Indicators, lights, stereo, everything. Everything works.
00:15:24Windows.
00:15:25I've even got a cassette player.
00:15:28You know that?
00:15:31All my electrics were working too.
00:15:34But actually, in this superheated city, there's an even better reason for buying a Cadillac.
00:15:42When Americans build a car, they start with the air conditioning unit, and then say, right, let's fit a car
00:15:48to it. It's top priority.
00:15:52Speaking of which...
00:15:54What this is, viewers, if you're wondering, is something called an ice towel. You soak it in water, and it
00:15:59remains cool for up to two hours. Borrowed it from one of the crew. It's fantastic.
00:16:06Eventually, we decided to leave the center of the biggest city you've never heard of.
00:16:13So we negotiated this gentleman's sausage-shaped junction to try our cars on the freeway.
00:16:20Where immediately, we had a problem.
00:16:29Every few hundred yards, there's a gantry with cameras covering all the lanes, and every single car is photographed, and
00:16:39every single photograph is then analyzed by an official in a room, to make sure the driver is smoking.
00:16:48Because as far as I can work out, that is still compulsory here.
00:16:54Other things, well, they're making sure that you have your seatbelt done up, that you're not talking on a mobile
00:17:00phone, and that you're not, how can I put this, touching either yourself or your passenger.
00:17:08Apparently, that's a thing in China. Quite a few people are prosecuted for pleasuring themselves or one another on a
00:17:16long journey.
00:17:18Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That is, it's actually really nice.
00:17:29Ow! Shit, I've found my todger.
00:17:37Eventually, we arrived at the location for our first test.
00:17:42It's one of 78 centers around Chongqing where teenagers can learn to drive away from the traffic.
00:17:50To us, however, it looked like a racetrack, which made it perfect for an ingenious handling test that I've just
00:17:58thought of.
00:18:01Now, to do this, we're going to use drones like this one, which have been fitted with flamethrowers.
00:18:06They actually use these in China for clearing...
00:18:10Are we going to use airborne flamethrowers like this to test the power and agility of our cars?
00:18:17Good question. Each of our cars has, as you can see, been fitted with three chains of firecrackers.
00:18:23One on the bonnet, one on the roof, one on the boot lid.
00:18:25Okay? So you drive around a special course here while you're attacked by the airborne flamethrowers that haven't gone off.
00:18:36Since we were up against two geeky millennials and we'd be driving powerful western saloons,
00:18:42we figured we could outrun and outsmart the drones easily.
00:18:50Sadly, though, it was a massacre.
00:18:58Ah! Fire from the sky!
00:19:01Ah! Ah!
00:19:14There's the drone on my left, the first one.
00:19:22Oh, God!
00:19:25Oh, God!
00:19:26Oh!
00:19:35Fire everywhere!
00:19:37Oh, God!
00:19:40Bandits at ten o'clock.
00:19:47Oh, no!
00:19:49Oh, shit!
00:19:50Battle have alarmed him.
00:19:52It will have alarmed himself, yeah.
00:19:53You know dogs don't like fire.
00:19:54No, they hate it.
00:20:13You know dogs don't want to, no fuerte but fire!
00:20:19You know dogs don't like bark, as a bear shepherd is dying.
00:20:19They're likeêts in the book.
00:20:22No, no more you ask.
00:20:25Attempting which I'm not myşam
00:20:26They're trying to aggress случай when Jennifer is saying it's not going on.
00:20:27useless test why was it well we did nothing to convince chinese business people that our second
00:20:32hand limos were a good idea and we all scored naught yeah and we all ruined our paintwork as
00:20:38well yes but it'll buff out they won't anyway we shall pick that up later on but now it is
00:20:44time
00:20:45for us to splash in some puddles of chat left by the drizzle of debates that falls on conversation
00:21:08street before we were allowed to drive uh over there we all had to sit chinese driving tests now
00:21:14we've seen driving tests around the world i remember one in india i encountered once
00:21:18where a woman passed even though she was in the back of the car and her examiner was in another
00:21:24car following along behind yeah it used to be in egypt that you had to drive six feet forwards
00:21:30but then six feet backwards and then you'd pass to be somebody who failed yeah anyhow so we figured
00:21:37that to get a chinese driving test it would be you know quite an easy test however we were in
00:21:42for a
00:21:42bit of a surprise now um i actually got some footage of hammond taking his test anyone want to see
00:21:47it
00:21:49it's poor quality it's on my phone but here we go test center
00:21:56right so he has to ball his fists
00:22:00then a squat there he goes
00:22:02he goes and then he has to get on some way scales tense moments here tense moment
00:22:09still tense
00:22:12you've passed how much has passed
00:22:17seriously well done
00:22:24well it was the easiest driving test i've ever heard basically i passed because i proved that my
00:22:29hands do that and i'm affected by gravity that's it i think it is actually just a test to check
00:22:35that
00:22:35you are a human being and not a dog as they call it was however afterwards we were taken into
00:22:40a sort of
00:22:40lecture theater by a a man who talks us through the perils of the of the road in china and
00:22:46he said that
00:22:47we had to look out for a number of things running out into the road in front of us including
00:22:51and
00:22:51i'm not this is a quote yes you will back me up on this this is what he said including
00:22:55dogs children
00:22:57and women that's what he said be careful they run out into the road oh you never know they're
00:23:03unpredictable yeah i don't think the hashtag me too movement has reached chong ching just yet
00:23:10mind you you say that there are 78 self-made billionaire women in the whole world and 49 of
00:23:17them are chinese yeah well there would be more but some of them got run over anyway look can we
00:23:24talk
00:23:24about that honky for a bit i knew you'd want to talk about that it's so you it's interesting it's
00:23:30so written all over it bad news though you can't have it in brown
00:23:35oh yes you would love a brown your cars are gray and dark green mine are blue metal fake red
00:23:42and
00:23:43orange i can't see into your mind god knows i'm not sure i want to but i know james may
00:23:49as you drift
00:23:50off to sleepy bobos tonight a brown honky will just call me a will i don't like brown cars it's
00:23:58like
00:23:58him saying i love horses things that aren't true things that aren't true you love a brown car
00:24:05i've never had a brown car and i am interested in the honky so tell us more about it okay
00:24:09something
00:24:09i didn't say in the film which is quite interesting is that when you order one they send a tailor
00:24:14round to your place of business and he measures you up for a suit that you then wear when you
00:24:19take
00:24:19delivery of the car really yeah i'd actually quite like to be the tailor who made the suit for you
00:24:25when you take delivery of your honky it would have some writing on it would it not in chinese
00:24:31it would be in english would it be a pithy description of the wearer yes that's what it was actually
00:24:36it's
00:24:36funny you should say that because in china there's a tendency for people to wear clothing with english
00:24:42words written on them they've obviously got no idea what those words say i was sitting in a traffic
00:24:47jam one day there and there was a woman on a bus next to me and she was a perfectly
00:24:52respectable
00:24:5350-something woman on her way obviously to an office job or whatever she was wearing a white
00:24:57blouse with red flowers on it now i took a picture uh here here it is and what that says
00:25:03is he was a
00:25:04arsehole i would love a picture of her face when somebody explained to her what it said on her shirt
00:25:13do you know what's really amazing about that that's exactly what i was going to have put on your honky
00:25:18she knew she knew i want to get back to cars if i may um because there's some truly astonishing
00:25:26stats really about cars in china we've got a graph here of a global car production yes there's the uk
00:25:32in
00:25:3210th place we made 1.67 million cars here in 2017 in japan 8.35 million china has put it
00:25:40up
00:25:4324.8 million cars they made there and what's extraordinary is that you can't just buy a car
00:25:50and then use it you have to apply to a a government-run lottery for a registration plate for your
00:25:57car
00:25:57now here's one okay in beijing last year for every thousand people who applied for a registration
00:26:04plate for a car they intended to buy for every thousand who applied how many do you think
00:26:08actually got one no 500 200 600 300 three three people every thousand people who applied only three
00:26:18actually got a registration plate were allowed to buy a car this is good conversation this whole issue
00:26:23yeah in really interest would you like to guess what was the best-selling car in china in 2017
00:26:31well volkswagen have been there forever so i'm going to say the persat i'm going to say it's a
00:26:37mid-size hyundai of some sort sort of boxy thing and you're both wrong it's the ruling hong lang
00:26:45what that yep there it is that's the best-selling car in china they sold half a million of them
00:26:51in
00:26:51china in 2017. really half a million million of those were sold yeah they sold half a million
00:26:58ruling hong wang those that's more than the ford focus yeah and don't forget the ford focus is sold
00:27:04globally that's just sold in china the car the chinese car that caught my eye i must say was the
00:27:10best tuned t77 familiar with it oh the best no no exactly a picture of it here uh it looks
00:27:17a bit
00:27:17like the lamborghini from last week the eurus uh but it's much smaller 1.2 liter engine suv all quite
00:27:23normal except it comes with something called a dashboard assistant which is a little holographic
00:27:29figure that pops up and then you talk to it and it helps you set the sat nav and make
00:27:33phone calls and
00:27:33very high tech yeah except the little holographic figure is of a japanese a japanese school girl
00:27:42and then you can choose what color mini skirt you'd like to wear a picture i'm not making it up
00:27:48there's a picture here
00:27:52i'm not sure about that i'm not either but here's the thing james the chinese don't care what we think
00:27:59anybody because they look at us like we look at cows with just big daft things standing around
00:28:06only instead of milk we give them luggage and watches that's actually the end of conversation
00:28:13street it's not the end however of the chinese stuff because we had a call the other day from a
00:28:17chinese car manufacturer called neo and they said we have built a blisteringly fast all electric supercar
00:28:25and would one of you like to try it out yeah now after his escapade going up a swiss hill
00:28:32in a
00:28:32blisteringly fast all-electric supercar richard hammond said that he really didn't think he was
00:28:37the man for the job however it turned out that the car was only available for one day and unfortunately
00:28:43on that day i had the boiler man coming around yep and i had a dental appointment dentist dental appointment
00:28:49yep yep so guess what
00:29:04here it is
00:29:09it's called the ep9 and it's pretty clear that this is no nissan leaf
00:29:16because a leaf doesn't have giant head restraints to stop g-forces from snapping your neck
00:29:23during hardcoring
00:29:26and that's just the start of it
00:29:32what i have here is a comparison between this neo ep9 and the rimac concept one in which i had
00:29:39my
00:29:40a little um tumble down a swiss mountain side so in the rimac concept one power one thousand two
00:29:50hundred and seven brake horsepower in this neo one thousand three hundred and forty one brake horsepower
00:29:58power to weight in the rimac is 652 brake horsepower per tonne in this neo 773 brake horsepower per tonne
00:30:11oh good
00:30:17so no pressure then
00:30:22right the high voltage system is active so here it goes to launch it's got to be in drive
00:30:29left foot on brake right foot mash the throttle the right hand hold that back for one two three four
00:30:34five five come off the brake
00:30:44sweet mary mother of jesus
00:30:49it's just insanity
00:30:54they say they're not to 60 in 2.7 seconds
00:30:590 to 125 in seven seconds seven seconds
00:31:14that direct immediate power you get from these electric supercars is like nothing else
00:31:22it's like one minute i'm here and then bam i'm over there
00:31:29it's like driving a jet engine something else about which i have bad memories
00:31:34this is this is a bad place however there is some good news for people like me
00:31:41the place
00:31:48that's put everything back where it should be my eyes have come forward my lungs are on the front again
00:32:01now if you want to experience this phenomenal speed for yourself you will need two things
00:32:10first of all a lot of money because this costs 1.15 million pounds
00:32:17secondly a racetrack
00:32:20because it works like that ferrari fxx where you buy the car they deliver it to a track for you
00:32:26along
00:32:26with a support team you drive it crap yourself then they take it away and hose it out for you
00:32:33since it's an electric car you'll be wondering about range obviously if you hammer it around the track
00:32:39you are going to wear those batteries out pretty quickly however on the plus side they only take 45 minutes
00:32:54to charge
00:32:56on the miners side you have to take the batteries out to do it and as they weigh 317 kilograms
00:33:03each
00:33:03you won't be doing that on your own
00:33:08it is a bit more of a path than say a can of petrol
00:33:19however if you're an electric petrol head and you're tempted by the neo you might be interested
00:33:25to know that it's not short of pedigree there's evidence that the people behind this thing really
00:33:31know what they're doing for starters the outfit that makes the ep9 also runs a formula e team
00:33:40one which won the inaugural championship in 2015
00:33:46and until recently the ep9 itself held a lap record around the nurburne ring
00:33:54with an astonishing time of six minutes 45.9 seconds
00:34:00which means it isn't just about going fast in a straight line
00:34:07it has active suspension active aerodynamics torque vectoring and all of that means only one thing
00:34:20grip grippity grip
00:34:27it has a motor at each of the four wheels for a four-wheel drive system that can be monitored
00:34:32and controlled
00:34:33constantly by the car's on-board brain
00:34:42after that the active aerodynamics on that vast wind and a diffuser running the length of the car
00:34:49it produces more downforce than an f1 car
00:34:57jesus it's like driving an octopus
00:35:02there's no doubt that as a piece of engineering the neo is deeply impressive
00:35:17but what i love about it most is that thanks to its phenomenal grip i could hammer it round our
00:35:23track
00:35:24all day and still be the right way up and from me
00:35:31there is no higher compliment
00:35:40thanks for sticking with that
00:35:44you know um
00:35:47watching that has convinced me that i will never buy an electric car as long as i live
00:35:53why not
00:35:55because why on earth would i want to employ a team of men and buy a forklift every time i
00:36:02need to go
00:36:02anywhere yeah that's all very well but a lot of people are more enlightened than you including
00:36:06me in fact sir hammond yes tell me what are the how does it compare with the rimac
00:36:12the neo it's just the neo is just more of everything it's more power more grip more speed
00:36:18i don't i have to say that looked painfully fast that car i mean it is astonishingly fast but it
00:36:25is a
00:36:25novelty an amazing powerfully fast one but a novelty nevertheless and we should make it absolutely
00:36:30clear that you can't drive it on the road at all can you it's not road league you can't unlike
00:36:34the
00:36:34rimac which you can that's what makes it so amazing and there's a new rimac coming out soon
00:36:38that'll have more than 1900 horsepower but imagine the size of the internal combustion engine you
00:36:44would need to make 1900 horsepower it would be massive that's why the future of supercars like
00:36:51that is electric it is what it is it is it is that's the way it's gonna go it's the
00:36:58way it is going
00:36:59okay then let's find out how fast your beloved neo goes around the ebola drone
00:37:06and it's off to the sound of the spin cycle jiggling around on its racing car suspension as it powers
00:37:14onto
00:37:14the izzards it's exciting a lift and then building up speed again that is looking pretty brisk
00:37:25right now down into your name here sparks flashing off the rear diffuser torque vectoring should be doing
00:37:33its stuff around here to keep it in place and now back to full voltage for the frantic whirr back
00:37:42down
00:37:42the izzards it's only more like a jet fighter and less like a zanussi now okay hard braking for old
00:37:50ladies house more milk floaty noises and now the run to substation if it crashes here there really
00:37:59will be a lot of sparks okay two corners left very tidy through there just field of sheep to go
00:38:07keeps it neat and across the line
00:38:15so exciting are those noises i like the noises
00:38:20well you don't like those no they're hot there's a whole new set of noises you pillock
00:38:24okay the future okay let's see how fast you're elegantly entitled n10 no neo
00:38:30ep9 yes got round shall we here we go top 10 come on there you go oh yeah oh yes
00:38:37oh yes come on
00:38:39come on yeah
00:38:44that is faster faster than the aston martin vulcan you're absolutely right hammond it is a very
00:38:53impressive car and it is faster than a vulcan but it's slower than the petrol powered mclaren senna
00:39:00which is road legal so that is petrol one electricity zero all right don't do that face
00:39:07Don't do that face!
00:39:09No!
00:39:10Smug face.
00:39:11Not the smug face, is it?
00:39:13James, just move it on quick.
00:39:16Yes, in this show, we are explaining to the people of China
00:39:19that they don't need to waste huge sums of money on new luxury cars
00:39:23when they could buy something used from Europe for a lot less.
00:39:27Now, so far, we've done city driving, we've done motorway driving
00:39:31and we've done a completely pointless handling test
00:39:34that Jeremy devised.
00:39:35Yep, and now we had to get to a rally stage
00:39:37to take part in another test that he'd dreamt up
00:39:39whilst enjoying another night on the pneumonia.
00:39:43However, okay, however, listen,
00:39:45before we left the test centre where we did the flamethrower,
00:39:48the flamethrower handling test,
00:39:50we popped next door to something called the Zuni Conference Centre.
00:39:57It was on this very spot in 1935
00:40:01that Chairman Mao unveiled the plans for the future.
00:40:05of his country.
00:40:08This, then, is the birthplace of communism in China,
00:40:12and today it stands as an anti-capitalist shrine.
00:40:20Naturally, we headed straight for the gift shop.
00:40:23Oh, that is exquisite.
00:40:26Yes, I'll definitely have a Chairman Mao snow globe.
00:40:30That one.
00:40:32Oh, look.
00:40:34How much are these?
00:40:37So that's 200.
00:40:39Yeah.
00:40:40It's Donald Trump.
00:40:42I'm absolutely starving.
00:40:44Yeah, me too.
00:40:45Oh, that's handy.
00:40:46That'll do.
00:40:47Having paid our respects to communism,
00:40:51we got back on the road in our fire-damaged cars,
00:40:54with James still moaning about his temperature issues.
00:41:00The air conditioning is now so broken that it's permanently hot
00:41:03even when I turn it to low and press every autobun.
00:41:07I decided there was only one thing I could do about this.
00:41:11Ignore him.
00:41:13Jesus.
00:41:15Look at that.
00:41:16They're actually building another motorway with viaducts and tunnels
00:41:20on the other side of the valley.
00:41:22Not one motorway.
00:41:23Why do you need another one over there?
00:41:26Still, all these motorways did mean we could prove that our cars work well
00:41:31as long-distance cruisers.
00:41:34If you gloss over the slightly worn interior trim on this car,
00:41:40I am staggered at how comfortable it is.
00:41:42Every inch of the Cadillac.
00:41:45It's fitted with something called continuously variable road-sensing suspension.
00:41:50Or suspension.
00:41:52And there's more.
00:41:54In Britain, this car was described as astonishingly reliable.
00:41:59Not my words, the words of the RAC, the Royal Automobile Club.
00:42:05The Queen herself as good as commended this car's reliability.
00:42:12Meanwhile, in the stuck record...
00:42:15Lovely engine.
00:42:17Silky smooth.
00:42:18Seats are comfortable.
00:42:20Everything works except the air conditioning.
00:42:24I'm running out of fuel.
00:42:27That must happen very suddenly.
00:42:30Er, this is May.
00:42:31How's everyone doing for fuel?
00:42:34I have about a quarter of a tank.
00:42:37I'm gonna need more fuel.
00:42:39The mighty North Star has drunk it.
00:42:42Happily, we soon saw signs for a service station.
00:42:47That's excellent.
00:42:48I was just about to start panicking.
00:42:53Oh.
00:42:56Small problem here.
00:42:59It's not open.
00:43:01So, we drove on to the next one.
00:43:04Oh, thank God.
00:43:08Where is it?
00:43:11Where's the fuel?
00:43:14Oh, it's not finished.
00:43:17There could even be fuel tanks waiting to go in.
00:43:21So, we drove on to the next one.
00:43:24He said there's somebody open.
00:43:28But that didn't have fuel either.
00:43:31How much money are they spending on service stations?
00:43:35Well, a lot, but they're not earning any from them, I can tell you that.
00:43:40The problem China has is it's building motorways so fast
00:43:45that the people building the service stations to supply the motorway with fuel
00:43:51can't keep up.
00:43:53Chaps, my fumes are running out there.
00:43:57After passing two...
00:43:58Oh, thank God.
00:44:01Ooh, that's a relief.
00:44:03However, our problems weren't quite over.
00:44:09I mean, is that petrol or diesel?
00:44:12What's that?
00:44:13That?
00:44:14Does green mean petrol or diesel?
00:44:19Ooh.
00:44:21Oh, well, that's...
00:44:23How do you know which fuel is which?
00:44:24Well, we have no idea.
00:44:25She just comes...
00:44:26This is what she just did with mine.
00:44:28She just put that in and I'm going, is it petrol?
00:44:31She's putting it in, whatever it is.
00:44:34With the Lucky Dip fill-up complete, we were ready to roll.
00:44:40However, in the RAC-approved Cadillac...
00:44:45My car won't start.
00:44:47It's the battery.
00:44:49Or have you filled it up with Ribena?
00:44:51Yeah.
00:44:53As the rest of China was keen to use this one completed service station,
00:44:58I had to push Hammond clear of the pumps.
00:45:03It's not really the message we want to be sending out to...
00:45:07The people of China that our cars have broken.
00:45:10I'm doing manual labour.
00:45:12I've found the battery.
00:45:20Success!
00:45:21Hammond, quite a lot of Chinese people looking.
00:45:27Well, that's the jump leads test done.
00:45:29We've done the jump leads test.
00:45:31If ever we needed them...
00:45:32Yeah.
00:45:32Those Chinese-made jump leads were...
00:45:35Excellent.
00:45:36Excellent.
00:45:37Not that we needed them.
00:45:39Back on the road, I was wondering if the battery wasn't the only issue.
00:45:45I can't understand the German messages on the dash, but the engine warning light is on.
00:45:51I'll be very disappointed if my glorious North Star engine lets go.
00:45:58It's not going to. It's tough.
00:46:01It could be fine.
00:46:04In fact, we all had issues.
00:46:07Chief among which was trying to understand the road signs.
00:46:13Don't...
00:46:13What?
00:46:15Don't drumming when tired.
00:46:17Drumming.
00:46:18Descent length surplus.
00:46:21Overspeeding prohibition.
00:46:24Don't...
00:46:24When tired again.
00:46:25We got a lot of dope draining when tired.
00:46:29There was another problem, too.
00:46:32The roads had no drainage.
00:46:34So, even in a shower...
00:46:37Look at that.
00:46:39The cars on the other side are sending fountains of water onto this one.
00:46:48Whoa.
00:46:50Aquaplaning.
00:46:54Holy moly.
00:46:56That man's dropped his crash helmet.
00:46:58It's actually come off his head.
00:47:02Still, at least when it got dark, things got worse.
00:47:11Whoa!
00:47:13Whoa!
00:47:15It's really epilepsy, these cameras.
00:47:18They're constantly being flashed.
00:47:24After this long and difficult journey,
00:47:27we reached the overnight halt.
00:47:29Where we were hoping to unwind with some relaxing comfort food.
00:47:38Holy cow, that is hot.
00:47:41How...
00:47:42Oh, jeez.
00:47:43Oh, what, what, what...
00:47:46That's goose intestine.
00:47:47Goose intestine, your son.
00:47:49I've seen more appetizing things than that stuck to the back of my terrier.
00:47:54A rubber hose pipe.
00:47:57Nice.
00:47:58Coated in an apal.
00:47:59F***ing hell.
00:48:01As our mouths melted, I brought up another idea I'd had.
00:48:05We really should be in the back of these cars.
00:48:10Because...
00:48:10I agree.
00:48:12If you're a Chinese businessman, you're not going to drive a car with a 750i or a Cadillac, are you?
00:48:16You're going to be in the back.
00:48:17Well, actually, it's more relevant here anyway, isn't it?
00:48:20Because that's what people care about.
00:48:21It's all they care about.
00:48:22The rear seat accommodation, leg room.
00:48:24Now, Jaguar, Audi, Mercedes and BMW all make long cars.
00:48:31Specifically for the Chinese market.
00:48:34So, look, why don't we...
00:48:35I'm sure we could do this.
00:48:36Why don't we hire some local chauffeurs to drive our cars and we'll ride in the back?
00:48:41Yeah.
00:48:41Which is what we should be doing, isn't it?
00:48:42That's a proper place to assess them.
00:48:44That is a good idea.
00:48:46And how's this?
00:48:47We'll take it one step further.
00:48:50Why don't we, tonight, modify our cars to make them more relevant and luxurious for the Chinese business community?
00:49:01Okay.
00:49:02And while we're at it, if you two dress less like tramps and more like gentlemen of commerce, the ladies
00:49:09and gentlemen of China might take us more seriously.
00:49:11Well, so you're saying we won't get fed?
00:49:14Yes.
00:49:15My whole tongue is wrapped up in intestine.
00:49:24The next morning, we reconvened after buying ourselves some business suits.
00:49:36We're supposed to be sending out a message that we're important and that people should listen to what we have
00:49:41to say.
00:49:42Now, I've done that.
00:49:43I think we're doing that well.
00:49:44No, I am.
00:49:45No, you just look like you've got a submachine gun in a violin case.
00:49:49You've seen James, by the way, this morning.
00:49:51No.
00:49:51No, I haven't seen what he's gone for.
00:49:53But, let's be honest.
00:49:54Brown.
00:49:55Yes.
00:49:55It'll be brown.
00:49:56It'll be brown.
00:49:57Nothing is more certain than brown.
00:49:58It's sombre, severe.
00:49:59Yeah.
00:50:00It's not brown.
00:50:02That's not...
00:50:04Good morning, Vietnam!
00:50:07That is bold!
00:50:09Now, don't pretend you did that on purpose.
00:50:12Well, shall I be honest?
00:50:13Yes.
00:50:14I ordered it using a translation app I got from a phone.
00:50:17And you mistook green for grey?
00:50:19I don't know if I did, or they did, or it doesn't work.
00:50:22But I said light, comma, grey, meaning lightweight, grey.
00:50:26But I've got green...
00:50:28Yes, and you look ridiculous, and nobody's going to listen to a word you say.
00:50:33The fact is, though, we were all suited up.
00:50:35So, it was time to get into the back of our modified cars, and get going.
00:50:43What's that?
00:50:45That's one of my modifications.
00:50:47It's Giovanni.
00:50:48That's Kato.
00:50:49See, I ask him for something, and then he passes it through the ski hatch.
00:50:53Absolute genius.
00:50:55It's barbarous.
00:50:57Having agreed that my manservant was a brilliant idea,
00:51:00we introduced ourselves to our chauffeurs, and then set off.
00:51:12The S-Class
00:51:12My driver is the excellent Mr. Who.
00:51:15I wonder if he's a doctor, actually.
00:51:18Doctor Who is not a particularly tall man, but nevertheless,
00:51:20the space in the back of the S-Class is fantastic.
00:51:23I've got all this legroom, I can adjust the seat,
00:51:25I can recline myself a bit, I can make myself a bit more upright.
00:51:29It's quite warm, the air-conditioning still doesn't work.
00:51:32I should actually warm Doctor Who of that.
00:51:35Doctor, I apologise, the air-conditioning is broken.
00:51:40The head of the school's hair, I never said.
00:51:47Obviously our cars were built before Bluetooth
00:51:50and internet connectivity had been invented.
00:51:54But that's OK, because it means you're forced to spend your time
00:51:57in the back doing something interesting.
00:52:02What I'm gonna do, instead of watching CNN drone on about Donald Trump
00:52:07for checking on Nasdaq prices, is make a model, a match-to-model, in the awful Tara.
00:52:18My colleagues had also decided to make the back seat a place of learning and self-enrichment.
00:52:25I've said many times on this program how I can't cook anything other than baked beans.
00:52:30But I'm going to use this journey, together with this simple stove, this wok, and these
00:52:35ingredients to put that right and learn how to make supper.
00:52:40I've got my cookery book here, steamed razor clams with black beans and chilli sauce.
00:52:49I, meanwhile, have decided to try my hand at painting.
00:52:54Now, this is an ideal studio because I can paint the things that I'm going to see out
00:52:58of the window, a sort of montage, if you like, of typical roadside sights.
00:53:04on a chauffeur journey through China.
00:53:07I've got some trees in here, trees, right here, over there.
00:53:19Lovely, lovely.
00:53:20Thank most people that are many.
00:53:23Not now, Kato.
00:53:25I could be sitting here now, answering pointless emails from pointless people with nothing to
00:53:32do all day.
00:53:33Not now, Kato.
00:53:35But no, I'm doing something useful, something joyous, something pleasurable.
00:53:46Not now, Kate. No, Kato. No, that's inappropriate.
00:53:51Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
00:53:55Water, Chris.
00:53:57Look at that.
00:53:59Spend enough time on the motorway in the back of your luxury car
00:54:01and you could turn yourself into a part-time professional chef.
00:54:05We could improve...
00:54:07Oh.
00:54:10Meanwhile, in the BMW...
00:54:13Kato, my suit. My suit jacket.
00:54:15Kato, fire extinguisher. Kato, now.
00:54:19Thank you. Yeah.
00:54:23After a few more, mostly five free miles, we pulled over to compare our work.
00:54:31May we see, James May, what you have achieved instead of doing emails?
00:54:41Well, it's naive.
00:54:43If I were your mum or dad, I'd put that on the fridge door and I'd be very proud of
00:54:47you.
00:54:47This is going on the wall at home.
00:54:50Can we taste your soup?
00:54:51Well, you'll have to suck my tie.
00:54:54That's where it all ended up.
00:54:55Were you expanding your mind by setting yourself on fire?
00:54:58No, no, no, no, no.
00:54:59It's matches.
00:55:01One snapped and it went into my sleeve.
00:55:05You've ruined that beautiful suit.
00:55:07I want to see what you've done now.
00:55:08Yeah.
00:55:08I'm a bit embarrassed by it.
00:55:09I'm a vomit.
00:55:10It's a burnt wreck, isn't it?
00:55:12It's not my best work.
00:55:14This was going to be your birthday present.
00:55:16They've said it's crap.
00:55:16You know, I haven't.
00:55:17Please don't laugh.
00:55:20All right.
00:55:22And you made that, did you?
00:55:23Really?
00:55:23In the back of your car.
00:55:26Yeah, no, but look, at great cost.
00:55:29Yeah.
00:55:30Yeah.
00:55:32For the next leg of our journey, we tried out the modifications we'd made to our cars
00:55:37so they'd suit the world of modern commerce.
00:55:43Businessmen always want a flatbed when they're on an aeroplane,
00:55:46so why wouldn't you want one if you're in your car?
00:55:50Very simple to achieve this.
00:55:52Reclined the front seat, put a mattress on it, duvet, pillow,
00:55:57take off what's left of your jacket, and into bed.
00:56:02Oh, it's gone dark.
00:56:03That's nice.
00:56:05In the Cadillac, Hammond had been a little more ambitious.
00:56:14Name me one businessman hotel that doesn't have a gym.
00:56:19Exactly.
00:56:20They all do.
00:56:21Which is why I've fitted my Cadillac with this rowing machine.
00:56:24So as we drive along, I can get in shape.
00:56:28Healthy body means a healthy mind.
00:56:30How's life in your car, Mr. Hammond?
00:56:32It's brilliant, thank you.
00:56:34What about you?
00:56:35No, I'm just nodding off.
00:56:38I'm going to tunnel, it feels like night suddenly.
00:56:40Um, question though, what's James done?
00:56:44I can't see him.
00:56:47A bit more on the coals.
00:56:51I realise this now looks like an idiotic idea.
00:56:54It was already a sauna in my car, so I've built a sauna in it.
00:56:58But, let's imagine you were in far north of China.
00:57:02Let's imagine it's the winter.
00:57:03You can get through from the other side, through that door,
00:57:07enjoy a sauna, go back into your car,
00:57:10carry on with your oil painting.
00:57:12Oh.
00:57:14Oh.
00:57:16There was, however, one small drawback to my plan.
00:57:19My driver couldn't see his mirrors.
00:57:25Whoa.
00:57:26Bollocks.
00:57:28All right, all right.
00:57:30God, Doctor Who's getting a rice chopper.
00:57:31I know, he's steamed up.
00:57:32Hang on.
00:57:34All right, all right, all right.
00:57:38Oh, that's so nice.
00:57:41Oh, that's lovely.
00:57:44That is lovely, lovely, lovely.
00:57:48Mmm.
00:57:50Not yet, Kato.
00:57:59Kato.
00:58:00The next morning, having proved that all cars need saunas, gyms and beds,
00:58:05we sucked our chauffeurs
00:58:07and headed for the location of our final challenge.
00:58:14However, in the USS Norman Schwarzkopf...
00:58:22What does that one mean?
00:58:25It's not well.
00:58:28Oh, that's another...
00:58:29I don't...
00:58:30I don't know what that warning says either.
00:58:35Oh, God.
00:58:36It's dying.
00:58:54What's happened?
00:58:57Loads of warnings came on.
00:58:59And then it lost power.
00:59:01I made it to this off-ramp, and now it's...
00:59:04It died.
00:59:05Oh, dear.
00:59:07I'm not sure my jump leads are going to get that going, are they?
00:59:10No.
00:59:10Oh, look.
00:59:12Oh, dear.
00:59:13That's really gone bang, hasn't it?
00:59:14There's oil coming out everywhere.
00:59:17Do you know the number for the emergency services?
00:59:20No, I don't.
00:59:21Do you know how to say,
00:59:22my Cadillac's broken down?
00:59:24Do you know what junction you're at?
00:59:25No.
00:59:26Oh, dear.
00:59:27Neither do I.
00:59:28To you.
00:59:29Neither do I know.
00:59:30Come on, we've got a long way to go.
00:59:34Leaving the multilingual Brummie to deal with the Chinese breakdown services,
00:59:39James and I got back onto what is fast becoming the eighth wonder of the world.
00:59:50China's road network.
00:59:57In 1988, China had no motorways at all.
01:00:00And now, 30 years later, it has 84,000 miles of them.
01:00:06That's more than any other country in the world.
01:00:20And they're only just getting into their stride.
01:00:22Since 2011, they've been building 6,000 miles of motorway every year.
01:00:286,000 miles a year!
01:00:31It beggars belief, and it's not like the terrain is easy.
01:00:36Here, though, there ain't no mountain high enough,
01:00:40and there ain't no valley low enough to stop them.
01:00:46This bridge, for example, is 34 miles long.
01:00:55And then there's this one, the Douche-Bey-Panjian Bridge.
01:01:01You could fit the London Shard underneath it.
01:01:05Twice over.
01:01:16I'm telling you,
01:01:18in Britain, we're doomed.
01:01:21We're doomed.
01:01:24We were headed, though, for an old road
01:01:26to test the one thing we hadn't tested so far.
01:01:30And here in China, it's the most important thing.
01:01:35The thing is, luxury's all very well,
01:01:37but in China, driving is a relatively new thing.
01:01:41People have only been doing it for 30 years.
01:01:43And as is the way, with all new things,
01:01:46it should be fun.
01:01:50Eventually, we, well, two of us, arrived at the location we'd selected.
01:02:00It's known as the 24-curve road because it has 24 fun-filled curves.
01:02:10It was built in 1935 to ferry US military equipment to China.
01:02:16And it hasn't really been maintained since.
01:02:20So the surface is loose and potholed.
01:02:23And it looked like it should be a right laugh.
01:02:28This was actually part of the road that,
01:02:31the only road that linked the then capital of China with India and Burma.
01:02:35Yeah, well, before that,
01:02:36all the supplies that came into China had to be flown over the Himalayas,
01:02:39which was incredibly dangerous in the 30s.
01:02:41I think the Americans lost something like 400...
01:02:44Sorry to interrupt.
01:02:45I've seen this stupid thing.
01:02:48Well, never mind that.
01:02:49Look what he's driving.
01:02:50Why, is that Hammond?
01:02:51I guess the Cadillac's definitely broken there.
01:02:56Nice.
01:03:00Check out my Fulu.
01:03:01Why have you got that?
01:03:02Well, I wasn't going to let you have all the fun, was I?
01:03:05No, but never mind that.
01:03:06Why have you got it?
01:03:07Well, my telephone translation device at the toll booth
01:03:10worked to a degree, to this extent.
01:03:13What, somebody got you a car?
01:03:15Look, I've got wheels, three of them.
01:03:17What engine's it got?
01:03:19588cc twin-cylinder two-stroke.
01:03:21It's in the back.
01:03:23Look at that.
01:03:25It's actually smaller than its own air filter.
01:03:27I was going to say, my alternator's bigger than that in the Mercedes.
01:03:30Anyway, listen.
01:03:32Here's what we're doing.
01:03:33Yeah.
01:03:33It's a test of speed, because we are against the clock.
01:03:36Bear that in mind, OK?
01:03:37OK.
01:03:38And durability.
01:03:39At the same time.
01:03:40So you've got to get up this road,
01:03:41which goes all the way up there, OK,
01:03:43as fast as possible,
01:03:45and keep your car in one piece in the process.
01:03:50Richard and I decided that James should volunteer to go first.
01:03:56Oh.
01:03:57Oh, you look exactly like a racing driver, apart from visually.
01:04:00It's a racing cloud.
01:04:02Can we just get on with it?
01:04:03It's very hot in here.
01:04:04Are you going with the window down or up?
01:04:06A lot of stones down.
01:04:07It's a small risk from being hit by a stone.
01:04:09It's a large risk of dying from suffocation.
01:04:12Right.
01:04:13Anything else we want to say to them?
01:04:15Yes.
01:04:15Go.
01:04:15Let's take some time and prepare mentally,
01:04:18and really think about this.
01:04:19Have you visualised the course?
01:04:20No.
01:04:21OK.
01:04:24He looks quite cross.
01:04:25He does.
01:04:26Three, two, one, go.
01:04:26There you go.
01:04:31Oh, God, I can't.
01:04:33I can't see around right-hand bends because of my sauna.
01:04:40Whoa.
01:04:41There's a massive hole there.
01:04:44I've just realised that I've only been comfortable for 20 minutes of this entire trip.
01:04:49My car's been too hot, my suit's too hot, now the road's too rough.
01:05:00Bit of squirrelling there from the broken traction control.
01:05:09The finish line.
01:05:10I've done it.
01:05:15Next, it was my turn.
01:05:19Right, I'm attaching the wobbly-headed symbol of capitalism here
01:05:23to bring me good fortune on this perilous test.
01:05:27If you're ready.
01:05:29Yes.
01:05:29Five, four, three, two, one, go.
01:05:45Now, I'm guessing that James May will have gone for caution.
01:05:48I'm not going to.
01:05:51I'm going for speed and power, and then just trust in the BMW build quality.
01:06:00My wobbly-headed symbol of capitalism is wilting.
01:06:04I'm missing it.
01:06:04It's not...
01:06:05Oh!
01:06:07Jesus, that was a big tail slide there.
01:06:10Oh, yeah.
01:06:13Stick it in here.
01:06:15Oh, yes.
01:06:19Oh, what's happened?
01:06:34Yeah.
01:06:37You overdid it, didn't you?
01:06:39Yeah.
01:06:40So, I've won that.
01:06:42Well, we don't know. We haven't got your time yet.
01:06:44You said, your words, test of durability, and is against the clock.
01:06:48Your car is broken.
01:06:50It's not broken. A tyre's come off.
01:06:52Broken.
01:06:54Down at the start line, I was waiting for the signal to go.
01:07:01Little cubby hole.
01:07:02Richard Hammond.
01:07:05Hello, yes.
01:07:07Three, two, one, go.
01:07:08Oh, come on, I'm not right.
01:07:10Okay, here I go.
01:07:13And we're off.
01:07:15Oh, Christ.
01:07:16Oh.
01:07:19Now, I'm limited on power.
01:07:22Top speed, 39 miles an hour.
01:07:24Out, out.
01:07:26You're never going to get an air ambulance in here, are we?
01:07:29Boy, you might have a very long winch.
01:07:37Oh, big drops. I don't like that.
01:07:40Ow.
01:07:41Nervous of hill plants these days.
01:07:47Oh, my God.
01:07:48Alive.
01:07:50Alive.
01:07:50Ow.
01:07:52Oh, my God.
01:07:54Oh, dear.
01:07:56Oh, God.
01:08:05Did anyone's...
01:08:06Did he just crash it?
01:08:09Was that a crash, or did he just disappear behind the...
01:08:11He has.
01:08:12Look, he's gone off there.
01:08:16Uh, so there we are.
01:08:17I'm afraid that Richard Hammond's luck has finally run out,
01:08:22and it's with deep regret and great sadness
01:08:24that James and I must now announce the untimely demise of...
01:08:28All right.
01:08:32Not again.
01:08:34How's he do it?
01:08:35I don't know.
01:08:36Well, on that terrible disappointment,
01:08:38back to the tent.
01:08:42Oh, my face.
01:08:44I'm OK.
01:08:46I'm OK.
01:08:48Slug face.
01:08:50Don't worry.
01:08:52Slug.
01:08:54Slug, because I won that.
01:08:56No, you didn't.
01:08:57I did. I was the fastest,
01:08:58and it was supposed to be a test of fun,
01:09:00and you moaned the entire way up the hill.
01:09:03It was supposed to be a test of durability,
01:09:04and you had to change a wheel,
01:09:06and where's the fun in that?
01:09:07Well, I wasn't the idiot that put a sauna in my car.
01:09:10What's wrong with a sauna?
01:09:11Because in every hotel that's got a sauna,
01:09:14the corridors are always full of wet idiots
01:09:16with those slippers that don't fit.
01:09:18Hello.
01:09:19What?
01:09:19Hello.
01:09:20I did have quite a big crash at the end, then.
01:09:23There's nothing particularly remarkable about that,
01:09:25is there?
01:09:26I mean, why would you...
01:09:26The fact is, the reason you crashed,
01:09:29well, obviously, you're incompetent,
01:09:30but also because your Cadillac broke down,
01:09:33and your Mercedes was too humid,
01:09:36so that means the winner is definitely of the whole thing,
01:09:40the BMW 750i.
01:09:43What?
01:09:43Actually, no.
01:09:44To be fair, the real winner of the whole thing
01:09:46was our brilliant idea
01:09:47to sell second-hand limos to the Chinese.
01:09:51No, he's absolutely right about that,
01:09:52because it makes them happy,
01:09:53and it helps us with our balance of payments.
01:09:56Everybody wins.
01:09:56It was a good idea.
01:09:58Yes.
01:09:58Except for one tiny detail.
01:10:00You see, this programme is shown in every single country in the world,
01:10:05except one.
01:10:09Which one?
01:10:10China.
01:10:11China.
01:10:12So this entire show has been a total waste of time.
01:10:16It's an hour of your life you'll never get back.
01:10:19And on that terrible disappointment,
01:10:21it's time to end.
01:10:22Next week, I'm happy to say,
01:10:23we're back in the groove.
01:10:25We're in Scotland,
01:10:25and I get an Alfa Romeo G2B6.
01:10:27Make me very happy.
01:10:28See you then.
01:10:29Take care.
01:10:29Good night.
01:10:30Good night.
01:10:30Good night.
01:11:00Good night.
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