#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:48CastingWords
00:01:20CastingWords
00:01:50CastingWords
00:01:51And then, obviously, let's have a look at what France did.
00:01:57That's it. I'm not making that up.
00:01:58Actually, and the pencil sharp.
00:01:59Oh, and the pencil sharp. I forgot that.
00:02:02Now, let's have a look at the list of things
00:02:04that were invented by Scottish people.
00:02:07It's unbelievable. It's everything.
00:02:14Cordyte, cloning, colour photography,
00:02:18percussive hat, golf, lime cordial.
00:02:21I mean, the list goes on and on. Buick.
00:02:23Hang on a minute.
00:02:25Why is the US Navy on there?
00:02:28I'm not joking.
00:02:29That was actually invented by a Scottish person.
00:02:32Was it?
00:02:32So was the BBC, so was the SAS.
00:02:34All special forces, in fact.
00:02:36And I think I know why.
00:02:38If you are from Mexico or France or Italy,
00:02:41you wake up in the morning, open the curtains,
00:02:42it's a lovely day, think I'll go to the beach.
00:02:45In Scotland, you open the curtains.
00:02:48It's damp and cold, I'll go to the shed
00:02:50and I'll invent something.
00:02:52What's going on there?
00:02:53I'm surprised, actually, the English
00:02:56don't just say that those are British inventions.
00:02:59Ah, yes, the Andy Murray syndrome.
00:03:02Let's be honest, this does happen a lot.
00:03:05OK, Alexander Graham Bell.
00:03:07When he was working away with his baker lights
00:03:09and his wires in his shed, he was a Scottish crackpot.
00:03:13When he invented the telephone, he was a British genius.
00:03:18Exactly the same sort of thing happens with sport.
00:03:20Motor racing.
00:03:21Jackie Stewart, three times Formula One world champion.
00:03:25OK, he's British.
00:03:27Jim Clarke, two times Formula One world champion.
00:03:30British.
00:03:30David Coulthard.
00:03:33Scottish.
00:03:37That's how it works.
00:03:40Maybe we should explain to people in America what's going on here.
00:03:44Yeah, exactly.
00:03:44Let me just clear this up for you.
00:03:45This is how it works on this side of the pond.
00:03:47OK, this is Britain.
00:03:48Now, this bit is England, where we're from.
00:03:50This bit's Scotland, where we are now.
00:03:52This bit's Wales, which is next to where I live.
00:03:55Yes, exactly.
00:03:56Now, the rules are very simple.
00:03:58If you're English and you become brilliant or do something brilliant,
00:04:02you remain English.
00:04:03If you're Scottish or Welsh and you do something brilliant,
00:04:07the English decide that you are, in fact, British.
00:04:12Yeah, the English really are a caller, aren't they?
00:04:14Let's just get this over.
00:04:20I tell you what, I love being in Scotland because everyone here speaks their mind.
00:04:25There's no ambiguity.
00:04:27There's the town of Larkhall in Scotland, their welcome sign.
00:04:30Here we go.
00:04:38This is Scotland.
00:04:41It's not just words either, it's actions.
00:04:43Do you remember that terrorist attack at Glasgow Airport a couple of years ago?
00:04:47OK, so somebody tried to explode.
00:04:49Bomb didn't go off.
00:04:50He ran off and he didn't get very far because this happened.
00:04:59That was the Scottish way.
00:05:01That was the Scottish way.
00:05:06And, um...
00:05:06Interestingly, there have been no terrorist attacks in Scotland since.
00:05:10Just thinking about that for a second.
00:05:12When he kicked him, he must have broken his foot on the other guy's pelvis.
00:05:16Yeah.
00:05:16Which means the guy's plums were in the middle of the impact.
00:05:21It just...
00:05:22It just...
00:05:22When that terrorist woke up that morning, he must have thought,
00:05:25right, the worst thing that's going to happen to me today
00:05:27is I'm going to blow up.
00:05:29It wasn't that, wasn't it?
00:05:29It wasn't?
00:05:30No, because the only thing to explode that day was his knackers.
00:05:33Oh, God.
00:05:34Can I get on with this show, please?
00:05:35Yes, good idea, because in tonight's car programme...
00:05:39I urinate on an engine.
00:05:43Richard wears an anorak.
00:05:47And James takes drugs.
00:05:51But first, I want to talk about Fiat.
00:05:54They're mostly known these days for the 500,
00:05:56which is a small retro hatchback.
00:05:58But after an absence of more than a decade,
00:06:00they are back in the sports car game.
00:06:02So I went down to the Ebola-drome to check out what they've come up with.
00:06:19Here it is.
00:06:21And as with the 500,
00:06:23you can tell straight away that Fiat are playing the nostalgia card.
00:06:28Because this car is called the 124 Spider,
00:06:32in honour of their rear-wheel-drive Roadster from the 70s.
00:06:38Under the skin, though,
00:06:40the 124 is based on the thoroughly modern Mazda MX-5.
00:06:45Fiat supplies some important things like the engine and the body,
00:06:50but both cars are built on the same production line in Japan.
00:06:56On the surface, that is no bad thing.
00:06:58I mean, you're going to sleep a lot better at night
00:07:00knowing that your Italian car was actually put together by the Japanese.
00:07:05However, it does raise a question.
00:07:07Is that a sports car in its own right?
00:07:10Or just a Mazda with a different badge on it?
00:07:15Well, before we find out,
00:07:17let's look a bit more closely at the badge.
00:07:19Because you'll notice it says a bath.
00:07:24A bath are Fiat's go-to people
00:07:26when they want to light a fire under one of their cars.
00:07:29Not light an actual fire,
00:07:33but give what's already there some extra zest and zing and fire.
00:07:41For starters, a bath is tuned a 1.4-litre turbocharged engine,
00:07:46so that this, the hottest 124,
00:07:48is faster than any MX-5.
00:07:530-60 takes 6.8 seconds.
00:07:57And the top speed is 145 miles an hour.
00:08:03But in a car like this,
00:08:04that feels like 145 million.
00:08:09Certainly bundles for me.
00:08:13And it's not just performance
00:08:15where the 124 has the edge over its Japanese half-brother.
00:08:20I have to admit,
00:08:21and this comes from someone
00:08:22who struggles to find fault with the MX-5.
00:08:26The 124 does sound better.
00:08:31I've often given it something called
00:08:33the Record Monza exhaust system.
00:08:36What it does is make a small car
00:08:39produce a big car noise.
00:08:50It's like a cat in a lion's suit,
00:08:52and that's exactly the sort of panto you want.
00:08:56What I'm saying here is that
00:08:57this car does its own thing.
00:08:59It has its own personality,
00:09:01and that's important.
00:09:05But on the next point,
00:09:06the 124 does take a bit of a body glow.
00:09:11You see, there's a price to pay
00:09:14for all this Abarthness,
00:09:16and that price is £30,000,
00:09:195,000 more than the top MX-5.
00:09:23That said, the 124 does give you more under the skin,
00:09:28most notably in the handling department.
00:09:33The thing is, Abarth have given this car
00:09:35a limited slip diff,
00:09:38which makes sliding something you command.
00:09:50The MX-5 doesn't have that.
00:09:53Neither does it have this sport button here,
00:09:55which relaxes the stability control.
00:09:58Quite a lot.
00:10:12So, what we have here
00:10:14is a car that's fast,
00:10:16sounds good,
00:10:16and is great fun in the corners.
00:10:21But there's something else very important
00:10:23about the 124.
00:10:29I don't know that there's really a million miles
00:10:31of difference between this and the MX-5.
00:10:36But everything I do in this car,
00:10:38I'm doing in an Italian sports car.
00:10:42And it is impossible
00:10:44for that not to put you in a good mood.
00:10:48It does feel so good
00:10:50to be in a small Italian roadster again.
00:10:53It's about time.
00:10:55Everything about this little fear
00:10:57is designed to stir the emotions
00:11:00and make you smile like a child.
00:11:03Right down to the retro black bonnet.
00:11:05God, I love a black bonnet.
00:11:07It's just...
00:11:10It's just...
00:11:11It's a black bonnet.
00:11:13Only cool cars have black bonnets.
00:11:15Fact!
00:11:16I really like the MX-5,
00:11:19but the 124 has taken those Japanese foundations
00:11:23and added some Italian showmanship.
00:11:27That's why I'd have it over the Mazda.
00:11:30I don't just like it.
00:11:32I love it.
00:11:45I'm a sucker for an Italian sports car.
00:11:47Yeah.
00:11:48Love him to bits, especially the Alfa.
00:11:50However, I've driven an ordinary cooking Fiat 124
00:11:54and that is not as good as an MX-5.
00:11:57Not even close.
00:11:58No, that's true.
00:11:58You'd be better off with the MX-5
00:12:00unless you want the fastest MX-5,
00:12:02in which case by the Abarth.
00:12:04Quite.
00:12:05Have we just done consumer advice?
00:12:08Little bit.
00:12:09Little bit.
00:12:10We'll move it on quickly.
00:12:11Yes, we will move it on.
00:12:12And we'll find out how fast the Abarth goes round the Ebola drone.
00:12:16That, of course, means handing it over to a man
00:12:18who thinks that beards were invented by Lenin.
00:12:21Yep.
00:12:22It's the American.
00:12:24There he is, poised and ready.
00:12:27And he's off with a skitter of wheelspin
00:12:30and a fruity noise from the exhaust.
00:12:33Straight on to a soaking wet isn't straight.
00:12:37What the hell has happened in my life
00:12:42that I'm over here driving a Fiat in the wet in England?
00:12:48He may not be enjoying it, but he is very good at it
00:12:52as he carves the 124 through the standing water,
00:12:55making the best use of its 170 horsepower.
00:13:00Really leaning on it as he approaches your name here.
00:13:03That is Ballsy.
00:13:04Now, heavy on the brakes,
00:13:06swoops around this fast left-hander
00:13:09and exits with a skillful flurry of stylish oversteer
00:13:13back onto the Izzant.
00:13:15Hell, I don't know whether to drive this thing
00:13:17or use it for a spit cup.
00:13:20Charming.
00:13:21Nerds will note these conditions
00:13:23would be better suited to a barquetta.
00:13:26If you like this car,
00:13:27I bet you've got a lot of fancy cushions in your house.
00:13:31Yeah, because as we know,
00:13:32cushions are, of course, communist.
00:13:34Right, into the tight complex of old lady's house.
00:13:39Keeping it nice and tidy through there.
00:13:41And now full power for the lumpy, bumpy sprint,
00:13:45down to substation.
00:13:47Front hazards coming on under hard braking.
00:13:50All fiat's do that for some reason.
00:13:52Armful of opposite lock into field of sheep.
00:13:54More exuberance through there and across the line.
00:13:57Yeah!
00:14:00Yeah!
00:14:01Yeah!
00:14:04That was a ballsy entry to your name here.
00:14:08Anyway, we must now find out where it ends up on the board.
00:14:12Let's have a look.
00:14:13Oh, dear.
00:14:16Oh, dear, Hammond.
00:14:17So you've recommended what is officially
00:14:20the slowest car in the world.
00:14:21Well, no.
00:14:23Slowest car on our board.
00:14:24Our board is the world.
00:14:26It is.
00:14:27Look, it was wet.
00:14:29That lake's wet.
00:14:30Someone once did 200 miles an hour on that.
00:14:32And?
00:14:33Well, then they were killed, I admit, but...
00:14:35Quite, quite. So let's move on.
00:14:36It's time now for us to take a gentle cruise
00:14:39down the velvety smoothness of Conversation Street.
00:14:50That really hurt.
00:14:51It did.
00:14:52Just to be absolutely clear with you, that really, really hurt.
00:14:56Yeah.
00:14:57It was supposed to be a pretend bottle.
00:15:01Anyway, let's move it on.
00:15:02Yes, I would like to converse about something very important.
00:15:04Why is it that we have leather seats in cars?
00:15:07Because, in reality, it's a terrible material.
00:15:10I mean, it's too shiny and slippery and it's too hot
00:15:12or it's too cold. It's rubbish.
00:15:14No, I know.
00:15:14I think it's because we got hung up on the idea, didn't we,
00:15:16that leather is somehow posh on a car seat.
00:15:19But it didn't used to be like that.
00:15:21In the old days,
00:15:22the posh people sat in the back of the car on cloth seats.
00:15:24And it was the chauffeur, the driver, sitting at the front.
00:15:26They gave him leather because it's hard-wearing.
00:15:28I've got a picture here of an old car.
00:15:30Look, they didn't even extend the roof to cover it.
00:15:33Just another three feet would have done it.
00:15:35And I think that's deliberate.
00:15:36I think that's to remind him that he's scum.
00:15:38There.
00:15:40What would you two like to have instead of leather?
00:15:43Well, there's all sorts of things you could use.
00:15:44You could have cable knit.
00:15:46Wool.
00:15:47Well, which is...
00:15:48But it's nice.
00:15:49It's cosy.
00:15:50Lovely.
00:15:50I'm just desperately looking around.
00:15:51I mean, his jumper would make quite a good car seat.
00:15:53Yeah, be cosy.
00:15:54It's nylon.
00:15:56It is.
00:15:57Or pleb long.
00:15:57One of the two.
00:15:59It's a good idea.
00:16:01Right.
00:16:02It isn't.
00:16:03Or, how's this for an idea?
00:16:04Let me just throw it out there.
00:16:06Why not take a cow, turn the middle of it into burgers and steaks, and then instead of throwing
00:16:13the skin away, use it to cover the seats of your car?
00:16:16Because it's a terrible material and it doesn't work.
00:16:20That's only because you two have decided to be vegetarians.
00:16:22Well, no.
00:16:24Hang on.
00:16:24No, they have.
00:16:25They actually have.
00:16:27They wake up together one morning and went, let's not eat meat anymore.
00:16:30OK, we didn't wake up together one morning.
00:16:33It's absolutely clear on that.
00:16:34It's just a fine definition.
00:16:36They mysteriously arrived at the same conclusion at pretty much the same day.
00:16:40Anyway, we still eat chicken.
00:16:42Yep.
00:16:42And chicken is a vegetable.
00:16:43It is.
00:16:44It is.
00:16:46Scientifically, chicken is a vegetable.
00:16:48If you cut a chicken's head off, it still runs around.
00:16:51There you go.
00:16:52Thereby proving it's not a sentient being.
00:16:55It's a higher order vegetable.
00:16:56It's a vegetable.
00:16:56Scientifically, it is.
00:16:57OK, then, well, we'll make the seats in your cars out of chicken skins.
00:17:01Actually, that's not a bad idea.
00:17:02Wouldn't a chicken skin seat just look like a giant scrotum?
00:17:07Yes, and that's your fault for not eating meat.
00:17:09So now let's move on, shall we?
00:17:11I've got something.
00:17:13Back in the 1920s, OK, a Scottish company made a car which they said was for women.
00:17:18Got a picture of it here.
00:17:19It's called the Galloway.
00:17:21Yeah, but what about that car makes it for women?
00:17:25It's just a car.
00:17:25Well, they said that it had a smaller than usual steering wheel and a more reliable engine.
00:17:31Oh, yeah, of course, because men don't want a reliable engine, do they?
00:17:34It's only women.
00:17:34I hate reliable engines.
00:17:35Also, you could drive it standing up, which is what women live in.
00:17:38This sort of thing is still going on today, actually, because I've got news of one here.
00:17:41A car that's been launched called the Seat Mii Cosmopolitan.
00:17:46We have a picture of it.
00:17:47There you go.
00:17:48Sorry, how do you spell Mii?
00:17:50M-I-I.
00:17:51It's Mii.
00:17:52It's a Mii.
00:17:53It's a Mii.
00:17:54What are you driving these days?
00:17:54I've got a Mii.
00:17:57Well, it's been done in collaboration with Cosmopolitan magazine.
00:18:00It's aimed at Cosmogirl, it says, and are you ready?
00:18:03The headlights have an eyeliner shape.
00:18:06No doubt.
00:18:07It's easy to park.
00:18:08Oh, yeah, because I much prefer a car that's hard to park because I'm a man.
00:18:13Can we get something clear here, OK?
00:18:16This gender splitting of cars is ridiculous.
00:18:19It's like saying, oh, a woman's airline seat or a woman's matches or woman's anything.
00:18:24Hello, can I buy a box of women's pencils, please?
00:18:27Exactly.
00:18:28Exactly.
00:18:28The only things I can think of that can be split by gender are bicycles because of the crossbar.
00:18:34Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:35And underwear.
00:18:36Sometimes, yeah.
00:18:41Overseer.
00:18:42I said that.
00:18:49I left in a hurry.
00:18:53Honestly, I just can't understand why people think there's such a thing as a woman's car or a man's car.
00:18:57It's ridiculous.
00:18:58It's not as if you drive cars with your old chap or your magic triangle.
00:19:01It's ridiculous.
00:19:02It's ridiculous.
00:19:02But then, you know, there's...
00:19:03There it is.
00:19:10There it is.
00:19:12It's a little practice.
00:19:14But a few years ago, Volvo did a concept car and they boasted very loudly that the whole thing had
00:19:19been designed entirely by women.
00:19:22OK?
00:19:23And I've got a picture of it.
00:19:24It's a coupe with gullwing doors and a massive engine.
00:19:26So everyone would do it.
00:19:28I would definitely have done that.
00:19:29Yes.
00:19:29Yes, exactly.
00:19:30Men and women are exactly the same when it comes to cars.
00:19:32Yes.
00:19:32The end.
00:19:34Right.
00:19:34Now, you know Tesla?
00:19:36Tesla believes it's pioneering the electric car.
00:19:39But that ain't so.
00:19:40It was a Scottish company back in the 60s.
00:19:42Made an electric car.
00:19:43I've got a picture of it here.
00:19:44Oh, God.
00:19:46It's called the Scamp.
00:19:48OK?
00:19:48It had a top speed of 35 miles an hour.
00:19:51A range of 20 miles.
00:19:53And I want to make it absolutely plain.
00:19:55That's Scottish, not British.
00:19:57It is.
00:19:57It is, yeah.
00:19:59Very definitely.
00:20:00You know that?
00:20:01Yeah.
00:20:01That is Scottish.
00:20:02Yeah.
00:20:06Now, all over the world, people by and large buy very boring cars.
00:20:12I met a man yesterday who just spent £8,000 on a five-year-old Ford Focus.
00:20:16And I thought, why did you do that?
00:20:18If you've got £8,000 to spend, why didn't you buy a used Maserati?
00:20:23I think it's because people believe if you buy a used, exotic Italian car for £8,000,
00:20:29it's going to break down all the time.
00:20:30Yes.
00:20:31But will it?
00:20:32To find out, we actually put our own money on the line and we each went out and bought
00:20:37a second-hand Maserati.
00:20:39Yes.
00:20:40And then we decided that cars this glamorous and this exciting couldn't possibly be tested
00:20:45in Britain.
00:20:46So we decided to meet up in continental Europe.
00:20:58This is the racetrack we selected.
00:21:02It's just 60 miles from Calais and I arrived bright and early.
00:21:15This is a Maserati by Turbo.
00:21:18First car in the world to be fitted with two turbochargers.
00:21:23And this particular example is the sought-after S model and it's only done 24,000 miles.
00:21:30And yet despite that, all I paid for it was £7,950.
00:21:36So you get all this glamour, all this power, all that badge for less than you'd pay in the UK
00:21:44for a six-year-old Toyota Pius.
00:21:47Oh.
00:21:52Why has Richard Hammond arrived in a Ford Cortina?
00:21:55Oh, no, wait.
00:21:56It isn't a Ford Cortina.
00:21:58It's another Biturbo!
00:21:59Biturbo!
00:22:00No, this is the 430.
00:22:03It isn't.
00:22:04It is.
00:22:05Biturbo.
00:22:05This isn't a Biturbo.
00:22:06It is!
00:22:07That's a Biturbo.
00:22:09Hammond, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but the Ghibli, the Racing, the Karif, the Shamal, the 222
00:22:16and the 430, they were all the same car.
00:22:18They haven't got any money.
00:22:19They just changed the name badge on the back.
00:22:21These are the same car.
00:22:23Yours is very ugly, but it's the same car.
00:22:25I dispute that.
00:22:26This is not ugly.
00:22:28This is elegant.
00:22:28This is Italian style.
00:22:30It isn't.
00:22:31I really...
00:22:31That is a fabulous.
00:22:32Let's have a look at this.
00:22:33It's a bit gaudy, mate.
00:22:35You want to hear this baby fire up?
00:22:40Get out!
00:22:41Save yourself!
00:22:43Yes!
00:22:45Feel the power of that!
00:22:46Have you seen all this?
00:22:49There's no other word for it.
00:22:50Oil.
00:22:51Yeah, that...
00:22:52Yeah.
00:22:53Yeah.
00:22:54Happily, before any more could flood out, James arrived.
00:23:01Have you ever seen a more ungainly looking machine?
00:23:06What's the matter?
00:23:06Is your door broken?
00:23:08No, I'm broken.
00:23:09Can you hold the door for me?
00:23:12Behold, the Maserati Zergato Spider.
00:23:16No, Viterbo, mate.
00:23:17No, it's a Zergato Spider.
00:23:18It is all Viterbo's.
00:23:20See, I think this was designed when it was owned by Citroen,
00:23:23which was bankrupt at the time.
00:23:25Then there was some guy in America who had a bit of Maserati,
00:23:28and then I think the Italian government, or Fiat,
00:23:30they all sort of had bits of it.
00:23:32Right.
00:23:32And they just ran around going,
00:23:33we made a new car, look!
00:23:35And it was exactly the same as the last guy,
00:23:36just had a new name.
00:23:37Excuse me, Jones.
00:23:39I just wanted to see just...
00:23:40Oh, you've got like two-tone leather.
00:23:42Mmm.
00:23:43But why have you got an automatic?
00:23:45I've bust my arm.
00:23:46That's why it took a long time to get out.
00:23:48Have you really broken your arm?
00:23:49Which arm have you broken?
00:23:53It has made me murderously bad-tempered,
00:23:56and intolerant of your fatuousness.
00:23:58Have you seriously broken your arm?
00:24:00Well, it's fractured quite badly.
00:24:02Don't touch it.
00:24:03How did you break it?
00:24:04I fell over.
00:24:05Anyway, that's why you got an automatic?
00:24:07Yes.
00:24:07Is that roof electric?
00:24:09No.
00:24:09Hang on, there's a little button on the front.
00:24:12Oh, right, brilliant.
00:24:14So it is manual?
00:24:15Yes.
00:24:15Anyway, we must get off.
00:24:16Come on, let's drive on.
00:24:18Can you put the roof back up for me?
00:24:19No, I'm not doing that.
00:24:25We decided, first of all, to have a drag race.
00:24:29Between our cars and a similarly priced modern car,
00:24:33the Suzuki Celery.
00:24:39Tense moment.
00:24:49Sadly, however, the pit straight was too narrow for our four cars.
00:24:56Mark, what are you doing?
00:24:58I'm a two idiot!
00:25:04You crashed into my Maserati.
00:25:06You crashed into mine.
00:25:08You've got nowhere to go.
00:25:08There's a barrier there.
00:25:10Well, like, there was nowhere for me to go.
00:25:11I was where I was.
00:25:14So, for the second attempt...
00:25:17I volunteered to go down the pit lane.
00:25:22Yes!
00:25:23This is genius!
00:25:26And that didn't work either.
00:25:29We're emerging on the track.
00:25:31Having dessert!
00:25:32What the hell?
00:25:33What?
00:25:34Oh, shit!
00:25:37Oh, my God!
00:25:38Mark!
00:25:41Why the hell can't we just do a drag race properly?
00:25:44It can't be that difficult.
00:25:46After this latest accident,
00:25:48we decided that, as Hammond's car had the biggest engine,
00:25:53he'd represent Maserati's honour on his own.
00:25:57Okay, this is it.
00:25:59I am the elected driver.
00:26:01The chosen one.
00:26:04The kingpin.
00:26:07I like that.
00:26:12Oh, a massive amount of bleeping about.
00:26:16But then...
00:26:19Finally, it's full time.
00:26:22The turbo's whizzing away.
00:26:27And yes!
00:26:28Absolutely creamed it!
00:26:32Yep, they were right to pick me.
00:26:35And the car, the 430 Maserati.
00:26:40Right, now you've established that, as a team,
00:26:43our twin-turbocharged Maseratis are faster
00:26:45than a 67-horsepower Celery.
00:26:48Let's get rid of the little Japanese car
00:26:50and find out which of our three cars
00:26:53is the fastest round the track.
00:26:56Yeah.
00:26:56We'll be driving Maseratis on a racetrack
00:26:59in continental Europe.
00:27:00It just sounds good, doesn't it?
00:27:02What's the matter with you?
00:27:03Why has he looked so miserable?
00:27:07I've broken my arm.
00:27:08Well, if we're going to drive round a track,
00:27:10can I at least have one of those disabled knob things?
00:27:14You know?
00:27:15Why am I on the steering wheel?
00:27:16Yeah, like a forklift truck.
00:27:18That sounds fair enough.
00:27:20So, whilst our colleague enjoyed his special breakfast,
00:27:25Richard and I attached his steering knob.
00:27:28There you go.
00:27:30And then we hit the track.
00:27:34The roots of this car.
00:27:36Well, they were planted during the 1957 German Grand Prix.
00:27:41Fangio, at the wheel of his Maserati 250F,
00:27:45overcame a 48-second deficit in 22 laps to win the race.
00:27:50He smashed the lap record ten times.
00:27:54You don't lose a pedigree like that.
00:27:58Here we go.
00:27:59Feel the tail kick out a little bit.
00:28:02On the front, though.
00:28:04There's the back.
00:28:06On the front.
00:28:08Oh, God.
00:28:09I've got it.
00:28:13Now, flying laps in the Maserati.
00:28:16This is exactly what Sterling Moss did.
00:28:26Not exactly what them bits of it are.
00:28:31Meanwhile, in the convertible,
00:28:33James was very unhappy with his new steering knob.
00:28:43Oh, God, it's the Metander.
00:28:46Bend the knob.
00:28:49What is the matter with those two?
00:28:56We're OK. We're in good shape.
00:28:59Close not.
00:29:02Despite my lucky dip handling,
00:29:04I did eventually catch Hammond.
00:29:09Take him. Take him on the inside.
00:29:12Yes.
00:29:14Yes.
00:29:17No!
00:29:22Fog!
00:29:25Oh, God, Sterling.
00:29:29He's doing sorry now.
00:29:32Jesus.
00:29:36He just has too many horsepowers here.
00:29:39Come on!
00:29:48Mr. Clarkson is indisposed briefly.
00:29:51And moments later, so was Mr. Hammond.
00:29:54No, no, no!
00:29:57Come on!
00:29:59So, having learned absolutely nothing at all,
00:30:04we decided to abandon the racetrack and embark on a 700-mile cruise to the south of France.
00:30:13James was very pleased with this plan.
00:30:16This is more like it, isn't it?
00:30:18Not mucking around on a racetrack, which is always a bad idea in old cars.
00:30:21Now we're going on a proper road trip to a lovely part of the world in very, very evocative, exotic
00:30:29cars.
00:30:29It's Maserati.
00:30:32In the 1970s, Maserati was naming all its cars after exotic-sounding warm winds.
00:30:39It's Mistral, Kamsin, Bora.
00:30:44When I was a kid growing up in Doncaster, I just thought,
00:30:47I've no idea what a Mistral is, but I want one.
00:30:54Maserati.
00:30:55South of France.
00:30:56It just sounds...
00:30:58right.
00:31:01However, fairly soon,
00:31:03reality began to stick its unwelcome nose into the equation.
00:31:08You get no heat in here, and I can't de-mist at all.
00:31:13The brakes.
00:31:14It brakes one wheel very well, but only one wheel at a time.
00:31:18And you never know which one.
00:31:24James, are my lights dazzling you?
00:31:27Yeah, a bit.
00:31:28That's because they seem to be on main beam, but I can't dip them.
00:31:33The interesting thing is, if I put my headlights on full beam,
00:31:35nobody coming the other way flashes at me.
00:31:41You hear that rattling?
00:31:43That's the steering wheel.
00:31:48On top of the mechanical issues,
00:31:50there was the problem of James tackling the tollboots
00:31:53in his right-hand-drive car.
00:31:55Oh!
00:31:57Oh!
00:32:00Oh!
00:32:04Oh!
00:32:06Oh!
00:32:07Oh!
00:32:09We've got 700 miles to go.
00:32:12It's going to take us forever at this speed.
00:32:16And then, to cap it all...
00:32:19Jeremy, there are sparks coming from under your car.
00:32:24I think they probably need to stop.
00:32:28Oh, look.
00:32:29Something's on fire.
00:32:31Fire!
00:32:32Right, don't have to piss on it.
00:32:34Oh, no.
00:32:34Well, if you go...
00:32:35Go round there.
00:32:37It's going to claim to be an emergency service now.
00:32:41Annoyingly, our road trip wasn't proving to be as stylish as we'd hoped.
00:32:48So, at the next petrol stop,
00:32:50with James failing to appreciate a present we'd bought for him...
00:32:54You used to have a good sense of humour.
00:32:55I do have a good sense of humour when you're being funny,
00:32:58which you are sometimes.
00:32:59I suggested a new idea.
00:33:01Listen, listen.
00:33:02I've had a thought.
00:33:03The south of France is a very long way away.
00:33:05So, why don't we go to the north of France instead?
00:33:08Yes!
00:33:09That is a good idea.
00:33:10And there's so much more to see and do in the north of France
00:33:13than there is in the south of France.
00:33:14Yes!
00:33:15What is there to see and do in the north of France?
00:33:18Well, there's the immigrant camp in Calais.
00:33:21There's that square where they set fire to a woman.
00:33:24Yes.
00:33:33There'll be other stuff.
00:33:34There will be other stuff.
00:33:39OK.
00:33:40Thank you very much.
00:33:42Thank you so much.
00:33:46We'll pick that up later on,
00:33:48but now it's time to play Celebrity Brain Crash!
00:34:00Yeah, it's still terrible.
00:34:02It's still finished now.
00:34:03OK. Now, what can we say about our guest this week?
00:34:07He's Scottish, but he won a gold medal at the Olympics.
00:34:11So, of course, he's British.
00:34:14He started out in cycling, then very wisely took up motor racing,
00:34:18actually competed at Le Mans.
00:34:20But today he's in a boat.
00:34:22Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Chris Hoy!
00:34:26There he is!
00:34:29There he is!
00:34:31There he is!
00:34:32He's going to be alright.
00:34:33He's rowing it the wrong way around.
00:34:35And the great thing is, whoa, everyone, the great thing is
00:34:39that Loch Ness is a peaceful inland lake with no hazards at all.
00:34:45We may finally get a guest to the studio.
00:34:49Yeah, that would be great.
00:34:50Get him in unharmed.
00:34:51Come on, Sir Hoy!
00:34:52Come on!
00:34:53Come on!
00:34:53You can do it!
00:34:54Oh, my!
00:35:05What happened?
00:35:06Well, how...
00:35:07I mean, what...
00:35:09OK, ladies and gentlemen.
00:35:12You've just applauded the tragic death of Sir Hoy.
00:35:17Um...
00:35:18No idea.
00:35:19I think he must have hit a mine.
00:35:21And there was a terrific explosion.
00:35:23You may have seen it.
00:35:24And he's now...
00:35:26Well, he's gone, hasn't he?
00:35:29Does that mean he's not coming on, then?
00:35:32Well, James, he's exploded and been reduced to chops
00:35:35and awful.
00:35:37So that is a no.
00:35:39It's OK, then.
00:35:40I've got a backup plan.
00:35:41You know, voice activation systems in cars,
00:35:44they don't really work.
00:35:45Particularly, they don't work in Scotland.
00:35:47As we shall now demonstrate with a short clip
00:35:50of a man trying to pair his telephone with his voxel.
00:35:56Pair.
00:35:58You can say pair, select device, voice feedback,
00:36:02help or cancel.
00:36:04Pair.
00:36:06You can say pair, select device...
00:36:09I just f***ing said pair!
00:36:10...or cancel.
00:36:13Pair!
00:36:15You can say pair, select device, voice feedback,
00:36:19help or cancel.
00:36:22Pair!
00:36:26Pardon?
00:36:28What I really love about this guy is how long he perseveres for.
00:36:35Watch this.
00:36:36Pair.
00:36:38Do you want to add or delete a device?
00:36:41Yes!
00:36:42Add a device.
00:36:43Pardon?
00:36:44Add a device.
00:36:46Using the pair function in the external device.
00:36:48Yeah!
00:36:53Brilliant.
00:36:57Anyway.
00:36:58That is the problem.
00:37:00That is the problem.
00:37:01But Hammond, I have a solution.
00:37:04OK?
00:37:05No, don't scoff.
00:37:06Don't scoff.
00:37:07This is a system that is cheap, it works anywhere in the world,
00:37:11and you can fit it to any car, no matter how old it is.
00:37:16Let me show you how it works, OK?
00:37:19Step in.
00:37:20Ready?
00:37:21Voice activation.
00:37:23Engage wipers.
00:37:27It's just a man.
00:37:29It's Gavril from Bulgaria.
00:37:31You can do anything.
00:37:32Right.
00:37:32Select drive.
00:37:35There you go.
00:37:37Call bellend.
00:37:40Now, he picks up the phone, he does all the dialing,
00:37:43my hands are on the wheel, I'm safe,
00:37:44then he holds it next to my ear so it's hands-free.
00:37:48Who's bellend?
00:37:53What?
00:37:54I don't want to talk to you.
00:37:56End call.
00:37:58All right, then.
00:38:00Punch driver.
00:38:02Punch...
00:38:03It doesn't work.
00:38:04He won't respond to you, only me.
00:38:06That's the genius.
00:38:07And it gets better.
00:38:08Get out, OK?
00:38:09He locks the doors, and then he opens them when I get back
00:38:14so I don't have to have any keys with me,
00:38:16which would spoil the line of my jean trouser.
00:38:19Let me just recap this, OK?
00:38:21So in Whitby, you turned a Romanian man into a self-driving car.
00:38:25Yes, I did.
00:38:26You turned me into a parking sensor.
00:38:28Mm-hm.
00:38:28And now you've turned a Bulgarian man into a voice control system.
00:38:31Yes.
00:38:31Mm-hm.
00:38:32Yeah, there is actually, there's a theme establishing itself here
00:38:34with your inventions, and it is that you're a moron.
00:38:40Aha.
00:38:40OK, watch this.
00:38:41You know in a modern BMW 7 Series you can have back seats
00:38:44that massage you as you drive along, yes?
00:38:47Yes.
00:38:50What I've done in here, it's just genius.
00:38:53I have scooped out the middle of that back seat, OK?
00:38:57And then you can fit it with a Duan Fen.
00:38:59What's a Duan Fen?
00:39:00Well, she's here.
00:39:01She's from Thailand.
00:39:05I don't know why people are laughing at this.
00:39:07She now blends perfectly with the seat, OK?
00:39:11She is the seat.
00:39:12So I step in, like so.
00:39:16Yeah?
00:39:17And then I get a massage as I drive along.
00:39:21Ooh.
00:39:22James!
00:39:23James is sitting on a Thai woman now.
00:39:26Oh, God.
00:39:27Come back over here, we'll move it on.
00:39:29We'll go back to the Maserati film.
00:39:30Now, so far we have established that I've broken my arm,
00:39:34but that the cars are working really rather well.
00:39:37Yes.
00:39:38And we rejoin the action after a night in a town called Deauville,
00:39:41where Jeremy had, for reasons known only to himself,
00:39:44decided to reenact the famous VW golf advert from the 80s.
00:39:51This is the man who put a million on black,
00:39:55and it came up red.
00:40:00This is the man who married a sex kitten,
00:40:03just as she turned into a cat.
00:40:08This is the man who moved into gold,
00:40:11just as the clever money moved out.
00:40:18This is the man who drives a Maserati.
00:40:33Stop, you vicious bastard!
00:40:36Of course, being a Maserati, it did eventually begin.
00:40:41So, we then fitted James' wheel with a new knob,
00:40:46and decided to go and play on the beach.
00:40:57Ha-ha!
00:41:09You really would have trouble doing this on a beach in the south of France,
00:41:13because the whole thing would be covered
00:41:15in people turning their plastic surgery brand.
00:41:24The sea!
00:41:27Look!
00:41:31And a great thing is, of course,
00:41:32you can take a Maserati in the sea,
00:41:35because the rust-proofing is so good.
00:41:39After that, we enjoyed a picturesque walk,
00:41:42and a philosophical debate.
00:41:44Is there anything on Earth
00:41:46which is worse than having another man put sun cream on your back?
00:41:50I've never experienced that.
00:41:52And then, we played some sport.
00:41:54Built a shoot-out,
00:41:56in Maseratis, on a beach in northern France.
00:42:09With our ball gone, we continued on our tour of Normandy,
00:42:14with our badly built colleague moaning constantly.
00:42:18Hey!
00:42:20Has he been swapped for an old lady?
00:42:22He's always been an old lady.
00:42:24He was born an old lady.
00:42:27Congratulations, Mrs. May, it's an old lady.
00:42:32As darkness fell, we reached the ancient town of Au Fleur,
00:42:37where we decided to spend the night.
00:42:39Unfortunately, to reach our hotel,
00:42:41we had to navigate through a maze of tiny, medieval streets.
00:42:50Manon, sorry.
00:42:52This is narrow.
00:42:53Isn't it narrow?
00:42:57No.
00:43:00No.
00:43:03How did people manage in this town,
00:43:06in the olden days,
00:43:07when nobody had power steering?
00:43:10Oh, no.
00:43:12And I do that how?
00:43:19Oh, my God.
00:43:22I'm totally stuck.
00:43:27Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:43:29Cobbles.
00:43:34God almighty.
00:43:38Gee, I'm not sure that's possible.
00:43:49Oh, for Christ.
00:43:50Is that...?
00:43:51You're in the way.
00:43:53Isn't this a one-way street my way?
00:43:55It's a one-way street, yes.
00:43:57That's why me and the other cars are all coming this way.
00:44:01Please don't make me back up with this steering.
00:44:04Sorry, come on, it's a workout.
00:44:07Hammond, I am gonna kill you.
00:44:10Mom, mom, s'il you plait.
00:44:12Um, my friend.
00:44:14Um, he's driving his car, like the gorilla.
00:44:24You should be jumbled.
00:44:28Take the street to the left,
00:44:30and we're the champignons.
00:44:34With Jeremy out of the way, I could move on.
00:44:39But then...
00:44:40Hammond, is that you with yellow lights coming up here?
00:44:44Oh, my God.
00:44:45Well, that's a bit of bad luck.
00:44:46You're gonna have to reverse back up there, aren't you?
00:44:48Well, I can't back up because it's preposterously narrow
00:44:51and I can't swivel my head round to look behind me.
00:44:54So, now what?
00:44:55Well, I'm going the right way down the one-way street,
00:44:58so I have right of way.
00:45:02Right, sorry, Hammond, you'll have to direct me a bit.
00:45:05Right a bit.
00:45:06My right or your right?
00:45:08Well, my right, which is your left, but you're steering in reverse.
00:45:12Hey, hold it there and I'll go there, left.
00:45:14Your left or my left?
00:45:15Your right, my left, as I'm looking,
00:45:17and your right, as you're looking, i.e. your right.
00:45:21I had found the hotel,
00:45:23but clearly my colleagues were going to be a while.
00:45:27My left, do you mean my left if I'm facing the way I'm going
00:45:30or facing the way I'm facing?
00:45:32Good point.
00:45:33Your left is still my right, but you're going backwards.
00:45:38Just drive backwards.
00:45:41I'm going to the hotel now, but I'll leave this on so you can stay in tune
00:45:44with what they're doing.
00:45:45Hopefully that I've come the wrong way down a one-way street, I know.
00:45:50Are you making your situation better or worse?
00:45:52Better, worse.
00:45:54Better, worse.
00:45:57When Richard and James did finally join me,
00:46:00we reflected over dinner about our time in the north of France.
00:46:05It's been just a tremendous journey.
00:46:07We've had three Maseratis out here for three days.
00:46:09We've only had one minor fire.
00:46:12Can I just say, and I'm being absolutely honest here,
00:46:15I love my Maserati. I've totally fallen for it.
00:46:19Yes. I mean, I really like mine.
00:46:21No car makes a better noise.
00:46:23No two-litre car makes a better noise than that.
00:46:25I love it more now than when I started.
00:46:27I definitely want to keep mine.
00:46:28I want to know what it's like to drive with two arms.
00:46:32Because we all loved our cars so much,
00:46:34I decided we should end our road trip with a spicy climax.
00:46:39Why don't we race back to England?
00:46:42Okay? First thing in the morning.
00:46:44Last one back there has to sell their car.
00:46:48Ooh, that's cruel.
00:46:49That's harsh.
00:46:51It's not entirely fair on me, is it?
00:46:55Hello, why not?
00:46:56You chose to come equipped with one arm.
00:46:59It's your issue, not ours.
00:47:01So we set off from here all at the same time.
00:47:03Any route you like.
00:47:06Last one, back on English soil, has to sell their car.
00:47:11I'm not afraid. I'll risk it.
00:47:13Because I think that'll make the trip home exciting.
00:47:15I'll do it. Last one home.
00:47:24As dawn broke, we lined up outside the hotel, ready for the off.
00:47:30Gentlemen, it's ten to four in the morning.
00:47:32Let's do this. In three, two, one.
00:47:35Begin!
00:47:45Left!
00:47:47Come on!
00:47:51No!
00:47:53No!
00:47:54At all costs, I am winning this.
00:48:01This is typical.
00:48:03Typical of Italian cars.
00:48:05They wait until you really need them.
00:48:08And then they go wrong.
00:48:10Hell, darling, darling, I'm in labour quickly.
00:48:13Yes, I'm on my way in my Maserati.
00:48:18Um, right, up here.
00:48:22Some of this is familiar, which is bad.
00:48:26Oh, no, not lost now.
00:48:30Once again, I'd managed to coax my car into some kind of life,
00:48:34and I was on my way.
00:48:36So straight out of town.
00:48:40Sounding healthy.
00:48:44With a top speed of about 12, I was headed for the ferry port of Le Havre.
00:48:49The trouble is that, logically, the others would be doing the same thing.
00:48:56Car, clear your throat, please.
00:49:02I'm out.
00:49:04Right, England, here I come.
00:49:09Clear your throat, car.
00:49:11Clear it.
00:49:12Or we shall be last.
00:49:13And then I shall have to sell you, and I won't sell you to someone nice.
00:49:18You know that man who has sex with his cars and then puts pictures of it on the internet?
00:49:23Well, I'm going to sell you to him.
00:49:25Unless you get going.
00:49:26Now, come on!
00:49:28Hang on a minute.
00:49:30No! No, no, no, no!
00:49:37Big road.
00:49:38Yes.
00:49:42James, meanwhile, was dawdling along at the back, yet he seemed strangely unconcerned about this.
00:49:49Now, on the face of it, viewers, this isn't much of a race, because I've got the slowest car, we
00:49:54already know that.
00:49:55I only have the use of one arm, and I'm steering with a squeaky frog bolted to the wheel.
00:50:03However, it's not that simple.
00:50:06In fact, I believe I will be first.
00:50:10Because he who is last shall be first, as we know.
00:50:18Coming up now to the motorway.
00:50:24Come on, car, please!
00:50:30It's made it up the slip road.
00:50:32Have you ever known a car with more spirit than this magnificent Maserati?
00:50:39However, the gradient on the slip road was nothing compared to what lay ahead.
00:50:49I'll give you.
00:50:54Port, where is it?
00:50:57If I get there first, okay, I've got to wait for the ferry.
00:51:00They could catch up, but I'll be ahead of them in the queue.
00:51:02Whoever gets on the boat first gets off the boat first, and you can't change that.
00:51:07First on the boat is first off the boat.
00:51:09They win.
00:51:19All right, calm, Jeremy, calm. You're on a motorway.
00:51:23On an enormous bridge surrounded by many heavy lorries.
00:51:31Oh, no. I can hear the exhaust spluttering.
00:51:35Oh, smoke. A lot of smoke now.
00:51:41Please! Please work!
00:51:46Mercifully, I reached the top of the bridge.
00:51:49But then...
00:51:55It's dead.
00:51:57Shit, I've lost braking. I have lost braking.
00:51:59Oh, bloody hell.
00:52:01Handbrake not working either. I've lost all brakes.
00:52:04There was only one thing for it.
00:52:11I have no brakes.
00:52:13You've just hit our car.
00:52:15I know, but I haven't got any brakes.
00:52:17They're not pleased about being used as a brake.
00:52:20This is totally legal, by the way, on a French motorway.
00:52:24Right, so, I've no brakes and no engine.
00:52:32Think, Jeremy, think.
00:52:36Port.
00:52:38Yes, hello.
00:52:40Unaware of Jeremy's problems, I was keeping the hammer down.
00:52:46Oh, holidaymakers.
00:52:48I hate holidaymakers.
00:52:53Trucks.
00:52:55I'm going to get caught up with all the trucks.
00:52:58Meanwhile, back in the land of Captain Cryptic...
00:53:02Do you know, I'm so relaxed about this.
00:53:09I think, in a short while, I might stop for a pleasant coffee and a read of the newspaper.
00:53:18I've not got time for you, mate. I'm sorry.
00:53:21Car! Car!
00:53:24Oh, God!
00:53:26Another roundabout.
00:53:27I'm in the middle of bloody town.
00:53:31I need to find my own route.
00:53:33There must be sneaky ways through.
00:53:42This could be good. This could be good.
00:53:52Damn it.
00:53:54Oh.
00:53:57Dead end.
00:53:58Not that way.
00:54:00Bloody hell.
00:54:16My shortcut wasn't going well.
00:54:24Where are they? And more importantly, where am I?
00:54:30This was a mistake.
00:54:32This is making things worse.
00:54:35It's just costing time.
00:54:37And as it turned out, time was something I didn't have.
00:54:42I am now down to one turbocharger, but I'm back in the race.
00:54:50Yes, I'm at the wheel of a Renault DCI 120 tow truck.
00:54:56And what's more, I've decided to head for the port as the crew flies.
00:55:02Oh, yes.
00:55:09Oh, God, no.
00:55:14This looks good.
00:55:18Yes. Very terminal.
00:55:21This is all correct.
00:55:27That is Jeremy.
00:55:28Who's Hammond?
00:55:29What is he doing?
00:55:31Kill him!
00:55:35I have to win.
00:55:36I have to win.
00:55:37I have to win.
00:55:39Roundabout.
00:55:40Oh, that's hell.
00:55:41Really?
00:55:45The problem was that the port of La Hara is so vast and so complex, it was very easy to
00:55:52get lost.
00:55:53This was still anyone's race.
00:56:00Where is Hammond? Where is May? Where is the boat?
00:56:06Come on, come on, come on.
00:56:19This is wrong. This is wrong.
00:56:28It's got to be down here.
00:56:30Yes.
00:56:34You don't have some carpet stuck under the throttle.
00:56:38Because my DCI 120 is going like a bastard.
00:56:49Yes. This looks good. This is the place.
00:56:56Good van. Good van. The boat is there.
00:57:00There is, there is Richard Hammond. Is James May here?
00:57:04No, he is not. He is not.
00:57:07Yes!
00:57:11Ha-ha!
00:57:13No May?
00:57:18No, and there wouldn't be, because I was in another part of the port with my own travel plans.
00:57:25Last night, after the other two had gone to bed, I arranged for our company yacht to be waiting for
00:57:30me in the harbour.
00:57:32And there it is.
00:57:40I simply drive up, hop aboard, and then we'll be on our way.
00:58:10Hang on!
00:58:12I'm not.
00:58:12He lived.
00:58:13Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:58:14Hold on, Hammond, I need to ask you about this.
00:58:19Why did you stick deshabillé on my phone?
00:58:22Because you were disabled.
00:58:25Deshabillé means undressed, you moron.
00:58:29Look, let's not get bogged down with, ooh, can't speak French.
00:58:33Let's get to the point, which is, James May, you lost
00:58:37and you broke the company yacht.
00:58:40You did. Well, no, hang on a minute.
00:58:41My car got closer to England than yours did.
00:58:44Yes, but the other thing it got closest to was the bottom of the sea.
00:58:48Yes, look, anyway, all of that is irrelevant because my car was the best
00:58:51because it didn't go wrong at all.
00:58:53No, no, mine was perfectly reliable, Hammond.
00:58:55Mm-hm, mm-hm, mine was as reliable as James's arms.
00:58:59And the extraordinary thing is, no-one can work out what was wrong with it.
00:59:03Well, it fell off the back of a lorry.
00:59:05No, no-one can work out what fault it had that caused it to be on the lorry
00:59:10in the first place.
00:59:11And even now, what are we, nine months down the line,
00:59:13two trained Maserati mechanics are totally stumped.
00:59:17It is an unfathomable fault.
00:59:19Yeah, yeah.
00:59:20So, what we can conclude from our exhaustive testing in the north of France
00:59:24is that if you buy a used Maserati,
00:59:27you have a 66% chance of it working.
00:59:31They're not bad odds.
00:59:32Well, you wouldn't say that if you're having an eye operation, would you?
00:59:36Exactly, and on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end.
00:59:39Thank you so much for watching. Good night.
00:59:41Thanks.
Comments