#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
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MotorTranscript
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00:55Thank you so much, thank you.
00:58Hello and welcome.
01:02Hello and welcome to what is a grand tour special.
01:07Yep, and it's going to be a big one because we've had a request from Amazon.
01:11You know how if you're watching a program and you pause it, you get to see a selection of beautiful
01:16landscape photographs from all around the world.
01:19Yeah, well, we've been asked to come up with some new photographs of wild animals.
01:24Yeah, us three wildlife photographers.
01:26What could possibly go wrong with that?
01:29It's such an obvious idea.
01:30I don't know why we never thought of it before.
01:33But anyway, we decided that obviously we'd need the right gear and the right cars.
01:37And then we should meet up with all of that in the most ecologically diverse country on Earth.
01:44Columbia.
01:55Columbia is nature's treasure chest.
02:00It's endless soaring peaks, vast forests, lazy rivers and babbling brooks are home to a greater variety of birds and
02:11animals than you'll find anywhere else on Earth.
02:19Of course, common sense dictated that to get our pictures, we should meet far from the stain of humanity.
02:30But for some extraordinary reason, Richard Hammond decided that the start point should be in the middle of the night.
02:38Close to the bustling city of Cartagena, on a tropical beach.
02:59Morning.
03:00Morning.
03:03Why did he say meet on a beach and why, actually, why did we listen to him?
03:07Where is he?
03:10Hammond!
03:11It's four o'clock for Pete's sake.
03:14Is that a Fiat Panda?
03:16Fiat Panda 4x4.
03:17It's terrible.
03:18It's fantastic.
03:20No, that's fantastic.
03:23That is a sturdy car, that is.
03:25Isn't that a very popular car with the gay community?
03:28Is it?
03:29Oh, yeah, there was a thing in America where they had the top ten, top ten LGBT cars.
03:34And that came third or something.
03:37What?
03:38Lesbian...
03:39Bacon...
03:40No, what was it?
03:41Lesbian...
03:42Bacon...
03:43Transgender.
03:45What's that?
03:46Well, that was a...
03:47Wasn't that a distress flare?
03:49Well, a red one is a distress, isn't it?
03:52What's that?
03:53Hang on, is that...
03:55Is there a person on?
03:56There's somebody on it.
03:57Hello?
03:58Hello?
03:59Hello?
04:01It's Hammond.
04:02That is Hammond.
04:03Hammond!
04:04Hammond!
04:05Hello!
04:05Is that you?
04:06Are you okay?
04:08Yes, some help would be good.
04:10Is that your car?
04:12Yes, this is my car!
04:15It's his car.
04:19As the sun began to rise, we asked Hammond to come ashore, so we could work out what on earth
04:24was going on.
04:27Quite a lot of explaining here.
04:29A lot of unpacking.
04:31Morning!
04:32Yeah, good morning.
04:33Well, where do we begin?
04:35Why is your car up there?
04:36Well, because that's where the boat dropped me off.
04:39What boat?
04:40Well, I shipped it from North America.
04:41Yeah?
04:42They got to here, wrapped it in polythene, lobbed over to side me with it.
04:45That's how they do it.
04:46I think, I reckon, there's a lot of trade between the two. They're bound to me, isn't there?
04:51What, so you're saying, what, Columbia's exporting something to America?
04:55Yes, exactly.
04:56I think there's more...
04:56And then the ships are coming back empty.
04:57Precisely.
04:58I think there's more of whatever it is going to North America so they go out full, then they come
05:02back so you can get a much cheaper ride.
05:04Costs peanuts.
05:05It's an older.
05:07What are they shipping?
05:09Er, what does Columbia produce?
05:11Right, I've got it here. The main agricultural products of Columbia are coffee, cutflowers, bananas, rice, tobacco, forest products, whatever
05:19they are, and shrimp.
05:21I bet it's shrimp.
05:22Yeah, but we were wondering why they don't drop me off, for example, in a port.
05:26I know. They just, they don't use it. That's how they all seem perfectly normal to them. Wrap it in
05:30polythene, throw it over to side.
05:32And throw you over to side as well.
05:33Yeah, yeah.
05:34What's it say on that? Global Auto.
05:36No.
05:36Yeah, GAC. Global Auto Kicks. That's what they said was a company.
05:41Problem we've got is, how are you going to get your car from there to here?
05:45I was rather hoping that would be we'd do that.
05:47No, no. If you listen carefully, he said how you're going to get your car from there to here.
05:52You, singular.
05:53It's you, meaning you.
05:54What?
05:55No, he didn't say us.
05:59Eventually though, James relented and agreed to pull Hammond's car ashore.
06:05Right, go, mate. Go, go, go. Give it a yank.
06:13James, what is that? I mean...
06:15It's got 49.
06:17Get the what?
06:17This, there's a...
06:18What have you got?
06:19A Jeep. It's there.
06:22Well, bring that over!
06:25When I returned in the LGB Jeep, Hammond thanked me by taking the mickey.
06:32It's very nice, by the way. Well done you.
06:34Isn't it?
06:35I'm proud of you.
06:35Why are you proud of me?
06:36No, you've done well. That's a hard thing to do and you've done it.
06:39You are going to be so much happier.
06:41Would you like me to help you get your car out of the sea?
06:45I would. I would.
06:46Shut up, then.
06:47Okay. I thought you might be nicer now it's all out in the open.
06:50Go.
06:51We hitched up the rope and then waited for the right wave to help us along.
06:56Go! Now!
07:02Yes!
07:03No! Not at all!
07:05Whoa!
07:07I then realised that we were doing this all wrong.
07:11That is presumably a pick-up truck.
07:14Yes?
07:14Yes, you've guessed.
07:14And four-wheel drive.
07:15Yes?
07:16Right.
07:16Why don't you go out there, cut it with the pull thing back and drive it out using the engine?
07:23It's a good idea.
07:24Because what you don't do when you drive a car is use the engine in someone else's car.
07:27Use the one in your own car.
07:28Yes.
07:30So, while Hammond unwrapped his car,
07:34James and I turned our attention to his Fiat Panda.
07:37I bought it from an English family who had bought a house in Tuscany.
07:43And this little Pepe.
07:46Pepe the Panda.
07:47And they loved it.
07:49Do you know... I know everything about this family.
07:52This has been used for picking their friends up for the pizza report.
07:55Oh, undoubtedly.
07:56And their friends are the editor of The Guardian.
07:59Yes.
07:59Tony Blair.
08:00Sherry Blair.
08:01Sting.
08:04Alan Yentob.
08:05Yes.
08:07Every single lightweight socialist in Britain has been in this car.
08:12I bet they made their own olive oil as well.
08:13Oh, no, we're socialists.
08:16Really.
08:16As they are sitting with their Prosecco, we really care.
08:19We're raising awareness.
08:20Raising awareness means I'm doing absolutely nothing at all.
08:24I bet they had a little man in the village...
08:25As the pet shop boy ranted on, Hammond finally finished unwrapping his pickup truck.
08:32Unfortunately, though, it wouldn't start.
08:41No.
08:45So, after getting brained by the waves for a while, he waded ashore again and came up with a harebrained
08:51scheme where the Fiat would be an anchor and the Jeep a tug.
08:57Right, parking brake is off and I am in neutral.
09:00Right.
09:01Are you all ready?
09:02Uh, good.
09:02I am as well.
09:03I'm taking up the slack.
09:06Here we go.
09:08That's looking good.
09:11No.
09:12No.
09:14Clarkson, you're pulling me into the sea!
09:16Clarkson!
09:16Stop!
09:18Stop!
09:20Well, why are you there?
09:21You've pulled me in the sea, you muppet!
09:28Thanks to Hammond's stupid idea, the cameras in my car were completely ruined.
09:34So, we ordered a taxi, sent him into town to get a proper tow truck,
09:40and when he returned, he asked Jeremy, of all people, to operate its winch.
09:46Are you moving?
09:48Yes! Yes, I am!
09:50You see, you mock people who like winching and stuff, but don't tell me you're not enjoying this.
09:54It is incredible how much power you can get out of a little tiny electric winch.
09:59Is he having some sort of winch fantasy?
10:02I'll have to turn him off.
10:04I'm just sitting here, making sure that LED doesn't go red, in which case the winch is overheating,
10:09which he seems to think is incredibly exciting.
10:12Jeremy, you need to stop. You're going to pull me into the shelter.
10:15The only thing is, though we have done well, actually, is these three cars we've got, because they're all designed
10:24to go off-road, and yet they couldn't be more different.
10:27Jeremy, you're pulling me through the building!
10:31That is true. It's a good trio of cars.
10:34With love!
10:35You've got mine, which is bought by people who like cruising the streets of San Francisco and Key West and
10:40Brighton and Sydney,
10:41and then yours, which is bought by people who want to feel better about themselves.
10:46Jeremy!
10:46Stop!
10:46So, if you have your second home whilst people in the world are homeless and starving, it's okay as long
10:51as you have a small fear.
10:52Oh, shit!
10:54Hammond, you moron!
10:56Well, I couldn't do anything! I've got no steering! I was talking!
10:58Why didn't you tell us?
10:59I was yelling on the radio! You pulled me from a building!
11:01This family has loved this car since 1991, and you turn up from bloody Wales or North America, or wherever
11:07it is you've been, and you've already ruined it!
11:09Listen, it's been a bit of a cluster thing. We need to work it all out. We need communications, properly
11:15organised.
11:15What is that?
11:16You need to...
11:16That?
11:17It's my ladder.
11:19You've bought something you can't get into or out of without a ladder.
11:22Well, it's fairly high up.
11:26Hammond, that's the worst thing I've ever seen.
11:28It's brilliant. Look at it. That was like the best Christmas I've ever had, unwrapping it out at sea.
11:33Ooh, can't wait! And then I saw a little bit of a flame.
11:37And what is that? A skull-faced fox abomination. Look at it!
11:41That is inspiration. It's already got nature pictures on it.
11:44It's brilliant. Doesn't that cheer you up a bit?
11:46No, it doesn't cheer me up.
11:47Yes, it does. It does. It makes you feel happy.
11:50So far, Hammond's pick-up had wrecked everything on the beach, and all my cameras, and cost us ten hours.
11:58So we told him to shut up, again, and get it working.
12:03And once he'd done that...
12:05Yeah!
12:09We headed into Cartagena to buy some cameras.
12:24Right, this Jeep Wrangler hardtail cost £8,000. And absolutely everything on it works.
12:34And with my Hercule Poirot hat on, I would say that this car was originally sold in Japan because the
12:42television CD sat-nav system here is all in Japanese, which means you can't work it.
12:47And then you've got little stickers all over everywhere. This one says, look, Hysteric Glamour and CDC Rockers.
12:54That's a very Japanese-y thing to do.
12:57So this was built in Ohio, shipped to Japan, exported to England, and then I've shipped it to Columbia.
13:06This then has done 120,000 miles on the road, but about twice that on ships.
13:15I think it's going to be ideal, though, for wildlife photography, because it's four-wheel drive, it's a Jeep, so
13:22I could use it to track a snow leopard.
13:25It's got a four-litre straight six, so I could keep up with a diving eagle.
13:29And, of course, no roof, fold-down windscreen, so a 360-degree field of fire, form a camera.
13:46Let me fill you in a bit on my 1998 Chevy CK Silverado.
13:51It's a full-size American pickup that's been made a bit bigger with a lift kit and modifications that I'll
13:56tell you about later.
13:57Most importantly, it's got a proper big old 7.4-litre V8 up front in a very lazy state of
14:04tune, just churning out huge gobbets and grunt.
14:07I have four-wheel drive, high and low ratios.
14:11That and this massive lift kit, I can go anywhere.
14:16Probably most wildlife photographers use things like this anyway.
14:19You don't see it, you know, on the telly with Attenborough and stuff, because, well, this is behind the scenes,
14:23this is how they get there.
14:31Now we're alone, viewers, let me tell you a little bit about my car.
14:35And I know some of you are thinking, oh, that's just a Fiat Panda, and they're in South America, they're
14:39bound to be going over difficult terrain, yes, yes, yes.
14:42But let me tell you this, what you need for serious off-roading is smallness and lightness.
14:47That's what I've got.
14:49This is a tiny car, it weighs 780 kilograms, a quarter of what Hammond's stupid monster truck weighs.
14:57It has a four-wheel drive system, made in Austria, very dependable.
15:02It does have inclinometers on it so that I can see when I'm about to fall over.
15:06And it's perfect, it all works, the fan, the cooling system, all the instruments, it's all perfect.
15:14But then...
15:16My indicators have just packed up, so, you know, there will be no indications.
15:21Problems with Italian electrics?
15:23I know, it's unheard of.
15:26The lift kit added to this car by the previous owner has not improved the steering or handling or ride.
15:36What's it like being tall?
15:40Bless him, he's all exuberant. Finally he can be himself, and good for him.
15:47Hey, you know, which was bad news for the not at all beautiful Trump truck.
15:53Oh, wait a minute.
15:56Oh, hang on.
16:00Are these walls important and, like, really old and precious?
16:0517th century, Hammond, that's how old they are.
16:07It's a World Heritage Site.
16:09A World Heritage Site.
16:12Well, if that old, the old chip won't matter, will it?
16:15What a moron.
16:19Oh, my God.
16:25If I lived in a walled World Heritage Site, I wouldn't be pleased to see that coming in.
16:33Right.
16:35Oh, God.
16:37This is tight.
16:39There's an ambulance.
16:41That's an actual ambulance.
16:48Oh, shit.
16:50Shit, that ambulance is coming down here, Hammond. Beat it.
16:53Hammond, that's an ambulance. You've got to get out of the way.
16:55Well, I can't.
16:58Oh, God.
17:00Jesus, come on.
17:02Oh, I don't feel bad.
17:04Come on, Hammond. Boot it.
17:06You're just going to have to go. Run over everything.
17:08Okay.
17:10Situation report.
17:11Hammond has caused a ten-hour delay to our schedule and is now killing a man.
17:17Oh, shit. Sorry.
17:25Oh, that was bad.
17:28After I'd paid for the bruised fruit...
17:30Here.
17:31I do apologise.
17:33We plunged into the labyrinth of narrow streets to find a camera shop.
17:39That was easy for the Jeep and the Panda.
17:44However...
17:56Yeah. One more go. I can do this.
18:04Yeah, I'll sort it in a minute. I'll be out of the way in a second.
18:09I don't know why Hammond and May think that the Wranglers are a gay icon.
18:19Eventually, having got our shopping done, we met up for a camera show and tell.
18:24And once again, Hammond had gone completely over the top.
18:34What have you bought?
18:36Everything.
18:37If I know anything about wildlife photographers, you need the kit.
18:40So, this goes round my waist.
18:41In here, I have a selection of prime lenses.
18:46A real... that's a macro lens for taking close-up stuff, like, really close.
18:49This is a 50mm prime, really fast, beautiful lens.
18:53Then I've got another harness.
18:55So, that's for the actual camera.
18:56Oh, filters for the flash guns.
18:58There's two flash guns. They can actually trip one another off as well.
19:01So, you pull up... no, stop.
19:02What?
19:02You pull up by an animal.
19:04Yeah?
19:05You need to get a photograph of it.
19:06Oh, yeah.
19:07An animal is going to run off any minute.
19:09You need to be quick.
19:09However big or small the animal is, I will have the lens for it.
19:12Yes.
19:13The flash for it.
19:13You'll have to hope it's dead or it'll simply run off.
19:16And then, importantly of course, camera body.
19:20Very good one.
19:21Well, remember.
19:21And most importantly of all, telephoto lens.
19:23Shall I show you what I've got?
19:25Yes.
19:25I haven't bothered with any of that.
19:27I've just gone for the telephoto.
19:29Not one of yours, but that.
19:33This is all I've got.
19:34That's all you need.
19:35Well, that is literally it.
19:36Yeah.
19:36That's all you need.
19:37Well, are you going to photograph animals in this country?
19:42I...
19:42That's a pervert camera.
19:44No, it's a Daily Mail camera is what it is.
19:46Well, that's what I meant.
19:47Oh, that's heavy.
19:49I bet it is.
19:50It's a lot of glass.
19:51Clear this away.
19:52Let me show you what I've got.
19:58Right.
20:06That is a camera.
20:08If we've been tasked with photographing somebody's 21st birthday party...
20:12Perfect.
20:13Welcome to 2018.
20:14Everything you've got in all that kit that you've just shown us is in there.
20:18Show me your zoom lens.
20:21Behold the lens.
20:22Is it a cold day?
20:23Behold the zoom.
20:24The woman in the shop said this camera takes good pictures.
20:27That's enough for me.
20:31Keen to get cracking, we hit the streets and began immediately to do animal photography.
20:38James, move. You're in my sort.
20:40Woof.
20:41Rrrrrrrrr.
20:43Shit.
20:45We've got to get further away.
20:47Oh, wait. I thought I saw an insect, but I've...
20:52Ring flash.
21:02Oh, Christ. I've got a macro on.
21:05Stay. Pigeon.
21:07Don't scare it.
21:10Er...
21:12Oh!
21:14Get out of the way.
21:15Oh, I'm sorry. Am I annoying?
21:16Yes, you are.
21:17Well, yes, we do see.
21:17You can't possibly need to be that close.
21:19Hello, horsey.
21:21Eventually, we got into the groove.
21:24Got it.
21:26Look. Look at my pigeon.
21:28And after just 20 minutes...
21:32We met up to celebrate a job well done.
21:36Yeah, I've got a dog.
21:38You've got that horse one.
21:39I've got the pigeon looking gormless.
21:41Haven't we pretty much done it?
21:42I've got a number of dogs and a number of horses.
21:45Which one?
21:45And the spider's...
21:46Oh, the spider had gone.
21:48But I've got the hole of the spider.
21:49That's habitat.
21:50You've got where the spider lived.
21:52That's habitat.
21:53Oh, hang on. Sorry.
21:54That's what they want.
21:55Chaps, we have a message here from Mr Wilman.
21:58What?
21:58What does he want?
22:00It's bad news, I'm afraid.
22:02Amazon don't just want pictures of pigeons, dogs and flies.
22:05They want interesting stuff as well.
22:08They insist the following must be included.
22:12A condor, a spectacle bear, a jaguar and a hippopotamus.
22:18And they must be wild, you can't just go to a zoo.
22:22Hippopotamus?
22:22You don't get those here?
22:23They didn't have them here, did they?
22:24In Africa.
22:26Well, how are we going to do that then?
22:28How the hell are we going to get a picture of a hippopotamus in South America?
22:31Well, you've got a really long length.
22:32Well, I know, but I have to be on a very tall mountain just to see Africa.
22:35Well, I'll tell you what, we're not going to see lumbering by here.
22:41The next day, armed with our new and more challenging instructions,
22:45we decided to make an early start.
22:50Sadly, however...
22:55What was that?
22:57It's the starter keeps engaging whilst the engine is running.
23:00Hang on.
23:02Only does it occasionally.
23:04It's into...
23:04Ah!
23:05It's that.
23:06Oh!
23:12Bella, it's mended.
23:14All is fine.
23:16I like to name my kids.
23:18Oh!
23:19Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:21Oh!
23:23Oh!
23:24Oh, that's a terrible noise.
23:25Ugh!
23:29Leaving Hammond to repair the endlessly annoying Trump truck, May and I hit the road.
23:36Oh, shrimping and forest products, obviously, pays well. Look at the boats out there.
23:45I know, that is amazing, isn't it?
23:48You often see that, the most humble of commodities,
23:50and it yields just incredible wealth for a privileged few.
23:54Yeah.
23:56Right, we're now leaving Cartagena in our quest
23:59to find many interesting animals to photograph,
24:03including...
24:05...aerbotomus.
24:07That's the tricky one.
24:10Obviously, many difficult challenges would lie ahead.
24:14There'd be thick forests...
24:22...volcanoes...
24:23...treacherous mountain passes...
24:26Oh, Jesus!
24:27..and dreadful weather.
24:32But we weren't unduly worried, because we were using cars.
24:38Photographers like to pretend that everything is more complicated
24:41than it needs to be.
24:42So, you know, boxes and lenses and bags, all the stuff Richard Hammond's got.
24:46But also, wildlife photographers like to pretend that life has to be difficult.
24:51Live up a tree for three weeks, freeze yourself to death on an iceberg
24:55if you're going to take a picture of a polar bear or whatever.
24:57No!
24:57It can be comfortable.
24:59The car can make anything comfortable.
25:02Drive up, take your picture, drive off.
25:07Sadly, though, while we were covering the ground quickly and comfortably,
25:12photographic opportunities were a bit sparse.
25:15The car can make a difference.
25:16More cows and a goat thing.
25:19Yeah, not wild or interesting.
25:23No, fair enough, I'll give you that.
25:25Dead dog.
25:28Oh, quite a sweet dead dog, though.
25:30Well, it was sweet when it was alive.
25:32Even our now mobile colleague was having no joy.
25:37Come on out.
25:38Come on.
25:40Stop hiding behind the damn tree, you little .
25:44And, annoyingly for me, on these rural roads,
25:48the Jeep started to show its true colours.
25:52Oh, God.
25:54Ooh, the ride's not good.
25:56Ooh, Jesus.
25:59Oh, I'm supposed to be proving that wildlife photography
26:02is easy and comfortable.
26:05The Jeep's letting me down a little bit on that front.
26:08Argh!
26:11Keen to have a break from the relentless bouncing,
26:15I suggested we stop to photograph an animal everyone likes.
26:18A donkey.
26:23Come on.
26:26Oh.
26:28However, my long lens saw something rather disturbing.
26:34Come on, there's a man in the back of shot.
26:37Wait, hang on.
26:44So, I went with our translator to talk to people in the local village.
26:50Could you ask?
26:52Did, was that young man having relations with that donkey?
26:59Or, did I miss see something?
27:02Eh, we were outside and we saw a man doing something with a horse.
27:07Is that having relations with the horse?
27:10Or...
27:14They say yes, that's right.
27:17What did he say?
27:18Normal.
27:18No, no trouble at all.
27:21Normal.
27:21Normal.
27:22Normal.
27:22Normal.
27:24So, you go.
27:27Enjoy the company of donkeys.
27:29Enjoy the company of donkeys.
27:32Enjoy the company of donkeys.
27:52Or just...
27:54All of them.
27:55Male and female.
27:56All of them.
27:56Male and female.
28:10All of them.
28:14No.
28:15Hombres and mujeres.
28:17Well, we'll be photographing donkeys then, I guess.
28:20Excellent.
28:24Right, try not to make a noise.
28:26I shan't.
28:26Don't worry.
28:27Shh.
28:28Because this one's particularly timid.
28:32Hang on.
28:34We're leaving.
28:35No, leave.
28:36No.
28:37What?
28:37We're leaving.
28:43It seemed like a really nice little place.
28:47Jeremy, why do we have to go?
28:52Have you upset someone?
28:56He's either committed some terrible faux pas,
28:59or he's got sunstroke.
29:00He's very red in the face.
29:03Why don't these Colombians just grow something?
29:07Surely, there must be a plant of some sort
29:10that people living in the sticks could grow here
29:13and then sell around the world.
29:17Rather than interfering with animals.
29:26We continued onwards,
29:27acutely aware that, so far,
29:29our mission was not going well.
29:37What photographs have we got between us so far?
29:41Have either of you two got anything you could put on an Amazon screensaver?
29:44I have a selfie with a donkey.
29:47Yeah, you wouldn't want to use my donkey photograph.
29:49That's for damn sure.
29:51We've got nothing between us so far at all.
29:56But then...
29:57No, wait.
29:58What's this?
30:00Looks like a badger having a massive poo.
30:03No, that's an anteater.
30:06Yeah, right, it is. It's an anteater,
30:07but it's only a picture of one.
30:10Well, what it's doing is telling us they crossed the road here.
30:13Well, hang on. If they cross the road here,
30:16we just wait. Why chase?
30:37I think they put the sign in the wrong place.
30:40Because...
30:42No anteater has crossed here. We've been now eight minutes.
30:52Three minutes after that, we realised we needed to break out a map
30:56and get radical.
30:59Right. Spectacle bears don't live here.
31:03Neither do condors and neither do jaguars.
31:05So let's go to where...
31:07We need... Yeah.
31:08We're sort of here, just outside Cartagena.
31:12We need to come down...
31:14I mean, right down here, into the Amazonian rainforest.
31:17National parks, the mountains.
31:20What the pros do is go to the right habitat.
31:23I know that because I'm leaning on my camera like a pro.
31:29One of the main targets on our hit list was the jaguar.
31:33And they live mostly in the region of Santander,
31:36which was 400 miles away.
31:39So we saddled up and settled down for the long drive south.
31:50I'd love to tell you how fast my 49 horsepower is taking me,
31:54but the speedometer, which is electronic,
31:56has stopped working since Richard Hammond pulled me into the sea.
32:01In a bid to pass the time, I dreamed up a simple game.
32:07Hammond, why don't you pull alongside your colleague
32:10in his, let's be honest, one-litre Fiat Panda
32:13with your 7.4-litre monster truck.
32:17And let's see who's got the slowest car, okay?
32:20Er, okay.
32:24Three, two, one, go!
32:36The little guy gets ahead.
32:38It's James May. James May is winning!
32:41That's all I've got.
32:44Come on, Hammond.
32:46That realistically is all I have.
32:50Easy!
32:53Richard Trailer Trash Trump Hammond has been beaten,
32:58and beaten big time, bigly.
33:01I don't want you to take this personally or anything, Hammond,
33:03but your truck must be utter garbage.
33:07Absolute garbage.
33:08You wait. This thing will come into its own soon,
33:11and you'll be left gasping.
33:14I'm longing to see the environment where that comes into its own.
33:26The cool boys again,
33:30will be left.
33:43There's no coming together.
33:47Than you.
33:48The sort goes into the landscape.
33:48I'm not good anymore.
33:48Hey, hey! No puedo gritar!
33:51Hey, hey! No puedo gritar!
33:55Porque será que no puedo gritar!
33:58Woo!
34:02After many hours in this, the 25th biggest country on Earth,
34:07we were finally getting into Jaguar country.
34:13and the long journey had done wonders
34:16for Hammond's £11,000 pickup truck.
34:20Current crop of warning lights on my truck
34:23include engine service soon,
34:25some sort of brake failure indicator,
34:28anti-lock brake failure indicator.
34:30Lights I don't have is the one that tells me what gear I'm...
34:41Are we not concentrating, Hammond?
34:43I may have had a wee.
34:46It is one of the most stupid pieces of engineering ever, that truck.
34:55Since the Jaguars weren't going to be in built-up areas,
35:00we ploughed deep into the jungle,
35:03along a dirt path that was once a railway built by the British.
35:13Right, Jaguars, they are very difficult to spot
35:15and very, very rare.
35:19You don't want to come face to face with a Jaguar, though.
35:22It does have very strong, bitey bits.
35:26Kills its prey by biting through its skull
35:28and then penetrating its brain.
35:34This is proper jungle now.
35:42Oh, hello.
35:45I'm in the British Railway tunnel.
35:47Oh, no, Hammond.
35:51Oh, tunnel.
35:56Stop it.
36:00I had to do it.
36:01It's the law.
36:07We drove for miles along the disused railway
36:10until eventually, LGB Jeremy came to a halt.
36:19Gentlemen, I'm rather confused here.
36:21We're approaching a bridge, OK?
36:23It says no cars, no people, no motorcycles, and no horses.
36:29Well, what's it for, then?
36:32Moments later, we found out.
36:45It's all right, James.
36:46Why don't you just...
36:48He is actually going...
36:50James doesn't like height.
36:53Oh, did you see that one just moved?
36:56What is that?
36:57Hold on.
36:58That's one, two.
37:00You've got seven, eight, maybe eight feet.
37:03Well, that means I'll have to drive...
37:05I can't...
37:05Well, it's got massive tyres.
37:06You'll just be running on the outer ones.
37:10Well, so I get to this bit.
37:14My car is wider than that,
37:16and that's wider than my wheel.
37:18It won't do it.
37:19And that's high, actually.
37:21What is that, 300 feet?
37:22Some hundreds of feet, yes.
37:27Oh, dear.
37:28Even though Hammond isn't at all accident-prone,
37:32I went first.
37:34Seatbelt on or off?
37:37Off.
37:38Because what bloody difference will it make?
37:41Really?
37:48Jesus.
37:51Oh, God, there's a really...
37:53really narrow bit there.
37:55Oh, God.
38:03Speed?
38:04No.
38:04I don't think speed's the answer.
38:12Oh!
38:15Right, I've made it.
38:16That's good.
38:18Hammond, you will shit your pants doing this.
38:21Well, that's helpful.
38:24I already am watching.
38:28Spider-Man May shot across as fast as he dared.
38:33Not looking down, not looking down,
38:36thinking about other things.
38:41And then it was the turn of Big Donald.
38:46Oh, God.
38:55The only way I can do this is by looking at the driver's side tyre
38:58and keeping it as close as I can to that edge
39:01and hoping to God that gives me enough.
39:03Oh, Christ.
39:11Oh, Jesus.
39:12I'm shaking all over.
39:15I can do this.
39:16I'm just going to look at the wood.
39:18Not at what's below.
39:19Just look at the wood.
39:22Ah.
39:27Jesus Christ.
39:28Now I'm too close to the edge.
39:37Ah.
39:38Ah.
39:40Ah.
39:41Ah! God!
39:48I think I might be sick.
39:51I will get there.
39:53Crossing this bridge is just part of my journey.
40:00Who is that clippity-clopping across my bridge?
40:03Oh, God!
40:07Not the billy goat grub game.
40:10Mm-hmm. I will move my Jeep out of your way.
40:13If you can answer this simple prog rock question.
40:17I don't know anything about prog rock at all.
40:20Who is the bass guitarist in Barclay James Harvest?
40:24The Nolan sisters! Get me off this bridge!
40:29Let me off the bridge. I'm going to be sick, please.
40:32Eventually, Hammond became quite irritated,
40:35so I abandoned the game.
40:37And soon, all of us became quite irritated.
40:41There were more not very well-maintained bridges.
40:45Oh, God in heaven.
40:50The heat was stifling.
40:53And the ride in the Jeep became more and more intolerable.
40:57Not taking this punishment very well.
41:01Oh!
41:04And then...
41:08James, have you broken down?
41:14Yes.
41:17It's a very thoughtful place to break down this.
41:19Why is that?
41:20Well, because, look, there's a little path that Hammond and I can go round, so...
41:23Off you go.
41:25Leave it. Don't touch it.
41:26Leave it.
41:27I'm trying to help.
41:27Don't try and help. Go away.
41:32Everybody's getting a bit bad-tempered.
41:34Might be because it's so hot.
41:37Could be that.
41:38He's not very keen on us helping, is he?
41:42Sorry.
41:43I didn't see the bumper.
41:45I have my head right next to the thing.
41:47Go on.
41:49Go.
41:50We'll all be fine if we spot a Jaguar.
41:52Everything will be okay.
41:54Right.
41:54Go.
42:06Oh, now we're in trouble.
42:13Hammond!
42:14You f***ing moron!
42:17I didn't know you were there!
42:19Hammond!
42:20What the f***ing hell are you doing?!
42:22I was stuck!
42:23I didn't know you were behind me!
42:26Use your mirrors!
42:31You totally smashed the front of my car up!
42:37That really got out of hand all of a sudden.
42:40One minute, going along, everything's fine.
42:42Next minute, one of your mates is throwing rocks at the other one.
42:46The problem is, you have people on the extreme left, James May,
42:50people on the extreme right, Richard Hammond,
42:52and it's always the liberal, sensible people in the middle, like me,
42:57who cop for it.
43:01Eventually, having fixed the Fiat, I was back on the road again.
43:07This car is just amazing.
43:11But then...
43:15Oh, dear. I think I've just lost the exhaust pipe.
43:21Up ahead, thanks mainly to our absolutely beautiful surroundings,
43:27the mood was a lot more tranquil.
43:32That scenery to our right is absolutely spectacular.
43:36It's gorgeous, isn't it?
43:38And, of course, we're not in the shade of the jungle anymore,
43:41which means I'm being roasted.
43:43Have you not got any moisturiser with you? You must have.
43:46No, Hammond, I don't have any moisturiser with me.
43:55What is this?
43:57As it turned out, the broken exhaust was lifting my mood, too.
44:07This is tremendous. It's like being on a rally stage.
44:12I have to know that Tony and Cherie Blair were, in fact,
44:16massive World Rally Championship fans.
44:18In fact, I think they took part in a couple on the quiet.
44:21They just didn't want people to know about it.
44:24They thought it would sort of damage their reputation
44:27and their standing.
44:29Unlike, say, starting a war.
44:32Further ahead, my long lens had grabbed a couple of animals.
44:38I don't believe Amazon would be rushing to have that as their screen seat.
44:44But we had yet to bag a jag.
44:47However, as it's a nocturnal animal,
44:49we were hoping for more luck as darkness fell.
44:55Predictably, though...
44:56Are my headlights on?
44:58No, they're off completely.
45:01I think I've got seawater in them.
45:05As we set about sorting the problem,
45:08Tony Blomqvist arrived.
45:13Oh, hey, I can't listen to it.
45:15Sounds quite wroughty, doesn't it?
45:17That is a throaty sound.
45:21James, do not throw rocks at us.
45:24Just calm down.
45:25Say some of your Chinese things.
45:27I'm very sorry for driving into your car.
45:30I'm very sorry I threw a rock you.
45:31It wasn't at your head.
45:32Right, so we're back as a team.
45:35Yeah.
45:35I said sorry to James.
45:37Yeah.
45:37He said sorry to me.
45:39We're all OK.
45:39All said sorry.
45:40Everybody's happy.
45:43Once we'd strapped some torches to the front of the pickup trump,
45:47we resumed our Jaguar hunt.
45:56Those torches are useless.
45:59I'm just illuminating trees over there and the sky up there.
46:03That's not helping anything.
46:07Eventually, though, after driving deep into the jungle,
46:10we arrived at exactly the sort of spot where Jaguars like to hang out.
46:17This is extraordinarily promising.
46:22The most important thing, of course, is to be quiet.
46:27Nice and quietly, does it?
46:28I set up my camera.
46:32Unfortunately, however, the quiet memo didn't reach Donald and Tony.
46:40I've got my lights up too high here.
46:41I need the elevation.
46:43They can be up.
46:44Oh, for God's sake.
46:45Quietly, I said.
46:48I'll stay down here.
46:50They can be higher up.
46:51I can't see because of your lights.
46:54That's where I was going to go.
46:55OK, mate, I'll look at the road.
46:56Check it out.
46:58Have you two thoughts about maybe being a bit quieter?
47:02What?
47:03A little bit quieter, perhaps.
47:06Oh, no, Jeremy, I'm too close to you here, aren't I?
47:08No, that's fine.
47:09Sure?
47:10Yes, just turn it off.
47:11What?
47:12Just turn the engine off.
47:13What?
47:15Turn the engine off.
47:17Oh, right, yeah.
47:18Oh, sorry, it's in gear.
47:23When my colleagues were finally silent,
47:26we settled down to wait for a Jaguar,
47:29something which the experts say requires immense patience.
47:41I'm bored, I'm bored, and I'm getting eaten by mosquitoes.
47:45I'm being eaten and I'm bored as well.
47:47I think if a Jaguar came now, I wouldn't see it.
47:49My eyes would shut down.
47:52From boredom.
47:54What are we going to do?
47:55I don't know, but that is boring.
47:56No, because honestly, I mean, the truth is,
47:59people could come out here for 40 years and not see a Jaguar.
48:04Well, we could use my trap cameras.
48:07What trap cameras?
48:08Set it up and they're triggered by an animal and then they take a picture.
48:11Well, you've got those with you.
48:12Yeah, in the bag.
48:13Well, why the hell didn't you say that when we turned up?
48:16Nobody asked.
48:17Oh, sorry.
48:18Yes, Richard.
48:19Get your trap cameras out.
48:21What a great idea.
48:22Right, okay.
48:23Plan.
48:23I'll do it.
48:24Oh, I've just remembered.
48:26I've got a Jaguar in the boot.
48:27Shall I let that out?
48:31After a while, Hammond had carpeted the area with his trap cameras.
48:43Well, now what do we do?
48:44Wait.
48:45We just wait for an animal to walk past one and set it off?
48:48Yes.
48:49How do we know when it's gone off?
48:51Well, we just will.
48:57Er, I need a dump.
49:00I'll alert the media.
49:01Well, I'm just saying.
49:02Don't worry, I'm going to...
49:03I'll talk myself out.
49:05Sorry.
49:06It's all this foreign food.
49:08Shh.
49:10He's not such a good outdoorsman's person as he likes to think, you know,
49:14because I bet he hasn't got any bog roll.
49:17I bet he'll just use a smooth stone.
49:20A smooth stone?
49:21Mm.
49:21That's what snipers use when they post it out in the middle of nowhere.
49:26They wipe themselves with a smooth stone.
49:29Why a smooth stone?
49:31Well, presumably because it's uncomfortable to use a jaggedy one.
49:35Oh, yeah, but not...
49:37Well, you'd probably use a leaf, actually.
49:40After much debate about how the special forces wipe their bottoms,
49:45Hammond returned and I quickly realised we were being thick.
49:50These are set off remotely.
49:52Yeah.
49:53For now and more.
49:53Well, why are we still here?
49:55That's a very good point, actually.
49:56It's better that we go away, isn't it?
49:58Let's take the Bear Grylls approach to natural history.
50:01There was a town, well, ten kilometres away.
50:03Why don't we go into the tin, have a drink, check into a hotel.
50:08How's that sound?
50:09And then come back tomorrow and check the cameras.
50:11Yes.
50:11That's how you're supposed to use them.
50:13It's in the instructions.
50:14That's what you do.
50:15You set it up.
50:16This good news put me in the mood for some mischief.
50:19So, after May had gone to bed at the hotel,
50:22Hammond and I sneaked outside to mess with his head.
50:28He parked his car there.
50:29Yes.
50:30Turn it round.
50:32Oh, that way.
50:33So he comes out in the morning.
50:34Can you imagine his face?
50:35Yeah, and he'll know exactly where he parked it,
50:37because it's him.
50:38So then he'll think he's gone mad.
50:41How are we to do it?
50:43Bounce it.
50:44Ready?
50:45Oh, yeah.
50:45So, one, two, three, move it.
50:49One, two, three, move it.
50:52One, two, three, move it.
50:56One, two...
51:00The next morning, with James in a state of deep puzzlement,
51:05Hammond and I checked out the ruined trap cameras.
51:10So, let me just get this clear.
51:12The Jaguar mauled your camera.
51:15Yeah.
51:16Is that really where it's bitten it?
51:18Yeah, it's come off it.
51:18But he's broken it.
51:20Yes.
51:20He's broken it.
51:21Anyway.
51:22This is the important thing.
51:23Did we get any pictures?
51:26All right.
51:26Look.
51:27No.
51:29Er, something triggered it.
51:30Maybe a leaf.
51:32Ah, look!
51:33There!
51:33Where?
51:34There!
51:35That's its...
51:36That's it!
51:37That's it walking back.
51:38That's how camouflage it is!
51:39There's its head!
51:40That's its actual face.
51:43I mean, they're not...
51:44There!
51:44Yeah, but there's got a tree in front of him.
51:47That's contents.
51:48That's habitat.
51:49What's that?
51:50This is when it got destroyed.
51:52That's its...
51:53That's its mouth.
51:54That's whiskers.
51:55No!
51:55That's its...
51:56That's a Jaguar biting.
51:59That is an action shot.
52:01That's probably got awards all over it.
52:03Oh, God, yeah.
52:04Eyes.
52:06Now that...
52:06Now that is a great picture.
52:08And we can move on.
52:09It is.
52:09It's...
52:10We have ticked that box.
52:11That's the ace of spades, the Jaguar.
52:13That's Saddam Hussein.
52:15We've now got to go and get his sons.
52:19Uday.
52:20And the other one.
52:21What's his other son called?
52:23Edgar.
52:30We now have to drive 200 miles to photograph the king of spades.
52:36Edgar Hussein.
52:38Paddington.
52:39Oh!
52:40Shit!
52:41Oh-ho!
52:42Oh-ho!
52:43Look at you with the wheel in the air.
52:45Gravity gets you down there.
52:46And then you simply drive up the other side.
52:50Oh, God!
52:52Stop.
52:52Stop, stop, stop.
52:53Stop there.
52:54Stop there.
52:55It's gonna break.
52:56Whoa!
52:57It's a bear.
52:58It's a bear.
53:01They're told we're at 15,500 feet.
53:06Nothing for it.
53:07We've got to go higher.
53:09Find Colin Condor.
53:12Whoa, that's proper building.
53:14You're destroying our cars.
53:16You've got oxygen for you and your car only.
53:19And we can see nothing!
53:23We're 250 miles from the equator.
53:26We're on a volcano with a severe hailstorm.
53:29It's fainting into the back.
53:33How much hail is there in the sky?
53:39To the nose.
53:581 in the sky!
53:58Time for a hurricane!
53:58I'm going to be getting the big rain on the equator.
53:58No Bill Allen!
53:59No Bill Allen!
53:59No, no Bill Allen!
54:01He's dying.
54:04No Bill Allen!
54:05No Bill Allen!
54:05Well...
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