#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
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00:01:19It comes from the Netherlands!
00:01:25We're setting something of a record, actually,
00:01:27because we are the first three British men ever to come here for a weekend
00:01:32and not vomit on a prostitute.
00:01:35Actually, we love coming to Holland, James, for his own reasons.
00:01:41And I like it because the Dutch are officially the tallest people on Earth.
00:01:46It's true, true fact.
00:01:48Yes, and I hate it here. I'm sick of...
00:01:51I'm sick of staring at belly buttons all day.
00:01:53The only problem I do have here is that I'm not allowed to use the word swaffling.
00:01:59Yeah.
00:02:00Well, you just did, didn't you?
00:02:02No, the thing is, OK, it is a really bad word here.
00:02:06And I have no idea why.
00:02:08What does it mean?
00:02:09It means...
00:02:12It means to bang your gentleman sausage
00:02:15on the side of the Taj Mahal.
00:02:18Oh, God!
00:02:20Anyway, listen.
00:02:22We're in Rotterdam, which is a marvellous city, in fact,
00:02:25because you aren't allowed to bring a car into the city if it was built...
00:02:30A petrol car if it was built before 1992.
00:02:32And you aren't allowed to bring a diesel car into the city if it was built before 2000.
00:02:37Which means you're never held up by poor people.
00:02:43Really?
00:02:44What else can we say about the Dutch?
00:02:46Oh, of course, you gave the world speed cameras.
00:02:48Oh, yeah.
00:02:49So, thank you very much for that.
00:02:52No, actually, I'd far rather be pulled over by the actual Dutch police
00:02:56rather than a speed camera,
00:02:58because, boy, oh, boy, do these guys look good.
00:03:00I've got a picture here.
00:03:01Whoa!
00:03:03I would very much like to see a lady policeman in an outfit like that.
00:03:08Looks like the guy on the right already has.
00:03:11Should we get on with the show, man?
00:03:13Yes, good idea.
00:03:15And coming up in our programme about cars this week...
00:03:20I try to pull a camel.
00:03:22Come on. Come on.
00:03:24A donkey pulls James.
00:03:27And Richard gets stuck in a cow orgy.
00:03:30I really am alarmed.
00:03:33But first, there's been a bit of an argument in the office between these two.
00:03:39You see, Richard maintains that the Mazda MX-5 is all the sports car you would ever need.
00:03:46Because it is.
00:03:47Mm-hm.
00:03:47But James says it isn't.
00:03:49Because it isn't.
00:03:52So, we decided they should sort it out by going to the obvious proving ground for all sports cars.
00:03:59North Africa.
00:04:37This is it.
00:04:39The latest version of the best-selling two-seater roadster of all time.
00:04:44And it's easy to see why.
00:04:46Peppy little engine at the front.
00:04:48Two seats in the open air in the middle.
00:04:50Rear wheel drive.
00:04:51It's the perfect sports car recipe.
00:04:54But layered on top of that, in this new version, you get air conditioning, heated seats, lane departure assist, cruise
00:05:01control, rain-sensing wipers, dusk-sensing headlamps.
00:05:05You just can't do any better.
00:05:07Well, you can, actually.
00:05:08Because all of those luxury items you're mentioning there, they just add weight and they mean it isn't a true
00:05:13sports car anymore.
00:05:14Yes, it is.
00:05:15No, it isn't.
00:05:16Colin Chapman, he was the bloke who founded Lotus, he said the ethos of a sports car is simplify and
00:05:22add lightness.
00:05:23He didn't say you simplify and add electric windows.
00:05:26Yep.
00:05:26And then he gave all his money away to a drug dealer called John Deloria.
00:05:30This, ladies and gentlemen, is what it's actually about.
00:05:33This is called the Xenos.
00:05:34You get four wheels, you get somewhere to sit, you get an engine, and that's it.
00:05:38It's a sports car.
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:40What do you do if it rains?
00:05:42Well, you'd get wet.
00:05:43Well, if you want to listen to the radio.
00:05:44Why would I want to listen to the radio around here?
00:05:47Does it have a heater?
00:05:48Nope.
00:05:48Has it got windows?
00:05:49Look, if you buy a football boot, you don't expect it to be usable as a ballet shoe, do you?
00:05:54But Mazda has invented a football boot that you can wear to the opera.
00:05:59Look, I can guarantee that if you wear that shoe to the opera house, it isn't...
00:06:03At this point, the director said he'd heard enough about shoes for one day.
00:06:11And told us to go for a drive.
00:06:21Right, now I'm away from Hammond's Luxury Sports Car Resort.
00:06:24Let me tell you a little bit about this remarkable car.
00:06:28It's powered by the two-litre turbocharged engine from the Ford Focus ST, giving 250 horsepower.
00:06:35That's mounted in the middle, right behind my head there, driving the rear wheels through a no-nonsense, old-school
00:06:41six-feet gearbox.
00:06:43Now 250 horsepower doesn't sound like a huge amount in the modern world, but this car, made with an aluminium
00:06:49spine and composite tub and all the rest of it, weighs less than three-quarters of a tonne, so it
00:06:55is genuinely quick.
00:06:57Look, you'll be...
00:06:58Whoa!
00:07:05Yeah!
00:07:06Whee!
00:07:10It makes the noise of some futuristic propulsion system powered by antimatter.
00:07:22Yes! Electrifying!
00:07:32James comes from a world where he wants his phone and his camera separate.
00:07:35And I can beep a diary.
00:07:37This Mazda is a smartphone.
00:07:40It does everything.
00:07:44It looks brilliant.
00:07:46It will be endlessly reliable.
00:07:47It's fast.
00:07:48It's got speakers in the headrests.
00:07:50And it handles well.
00:07:55And you can get an MX-5 from 18,500.
00:07:58James' car starts at 33.
00:08:01And you don't even get doors.
00:08:03My shed has got doors.
00:08:06I furnish my cat with doors.
00:08:09Indeed, doors.
00:08:18I bet he's been shaken to death in that thing.
00:08:21I bet he thinks I'm being shaken to death in here,
00:08:23but actually he's wrong,
00:08:24because this isn't like a BAC Mono or a Radical.
00:08:28It is obviously very much a car for taking on the track,
00:08:31but it's been tuned for use on the road.
00:08:33It's quite supple.
00:08:34See, look.
00:08:36Done?
00:08:36It's all right?
00:08:38I'm very relaxed.
00:08:45Eventually, we pulled over for a cup of coffee
00:08:48and a bit more arguing about doors.
00:08:51Just because they had them in the 12th century on cathedrals,
00:08:55whatever,
00:08:55doesn't mean you have to have them.
00:08:56Now, don't be a slave to convention.
00:08:58People had eyelids in the 12th century,
00:09:00and nobody's deciding,
00:09:01let's get rid of those there, old hat.
00:09:03Oh no, I've got all dust in my eyes and I can't sleep.
00:09:05Yeah, but that's completely facile, Hammond.
00:09:07You know exactly what I mean.
00:09:07The door...
00:09:08I mean, Reva speed boats don't have doors.
00:09:10You don't say I'm not...
00:09:12This is lovely, isn't it?
00:09:14What are you doing here?
00:09:16Well, word reached me that you two were talking rubbish.
00:09:19What do you mean rubbish?
00:09:20Well, if you want the best sports car,
00:09:22you don't want a Mazda or a Xenos, you won't.
00:09:25Oh God, he's brought an Alfa Romeo.
00:09:27Yes, of course I have.
00:09:28Alfa Romeo 4C Spider.
00:09:37This is what I'm talking about.
00:09:40A symphony in carbon fibre.
00:09:43Balance personified.
00:09:45The Graduate updated.
00:09:48A mini Ferrari as cute as a bunny rabbit
00:09:51with the greatest badge in the history of mobile.
00:09:54How much is it?
00:09:56You know perfectly well how much it is.
00:09:58Yeah, we've forgotten.
00:10:00Money is vulgar.
00:10:02You can't put a price on something as exquisite as that.
00:10:06Yeah, but Alfa Romeo did put a price on it, didn't they?
00:10:08What was it?
00:10:09£60,000.
00:10:11So you could have both of our cars
00:10:13and everything you see in the back of the shot here
00:10:15for the price of one of these Alfa Romeo.
00:10:17I know, it is extraordinary value for money.
00:10:21It's too far from outside to inside.
00:10:23It's miles.
00:10:24Yes, thick sills.
00:10:26Here we go.
00:10:27The strength.
00:10:27Look at this.
00:10:28Rotary heater knobs.
00:10:30Wow, it's like being in the 1970s isn't it?
00:10:32Yeah, it is actually.
00:10:32It's handbrake.
00:10:33Look at that.
00:10:34Is that fixed on or has that come off?
00:10:36Alfa Romeo.
00:10:36Purveyors of disappointment for nearly three decades.
00:10:39Look at this.
00:10:40Glassy.
00:10:41Yeah?
00:10:41Feel the quality in there.
00:10:43Let me feel that.
00:10:45£60,000.
00:10:46Mmm.
00:10:47And this?
00:10:48That's the noise you want to hear.
00:10:49If you ever buy a new item of clothing, never show it to these two.
00:10:52Because they go, ooh, what are you wearing that jacket for?
00:10:54It makes you look like a German game show host.
00:10:56That's satisfying.
00:10:57Ooh.
00:10:58Why are you wearing that jacket?
00:11:00Because I was at a party in India last night and I've hurried over here.
00:11:03Really?
00:11:03Why did you go to the party dressed as a German game show host?
00:11:08Soon I grew weary of their abuse and set off in what, being no doubt, is my favourite car on
00:11:15sale today.
00:11:17I will admit there are one or two tiny little problems with the 4C. Trivial stuff.
00:11:25It's very wide.
00:11:26Gearbox is a little bit nim-witted.
00:11:29If you fit sports exhaust, the noise is catastrophic.
00:11:33Petal tank, yeah, that's too small.
00:11:36You've really only got a range of 300 yards.
00:11:41And then there's the steering.
00:11:43There's no power assistance, so it's incredibly heavy when you're parking.
00:11:46There's no feel when you're on the move.
00:11:49And then, and this is its party piece, just occasionally it'll go violently left or right.
00:11:55For no reason.
00:11:58Oh, you see that?
00:12:00Bloody hell.
00:12:05But looking at it this way, we could all probably find fault with our children.
00:12:10And yet, we still love them.
00:12:17Jeremy loves Alfa Romeo's because back in the old days, they were great.
00:12:21But they're not anymore.
00:12:24Plenty of things were great.
00:12:27Grease.
00:12:28Dolph Harris.
00:12:30Can't love them now.
00:12:37Another small problem with the Alfa that I didn't mention earlier is that you get cramp after five minutes.
00:12:42Oh.
00:12:44Oh.
00:12:45Oh.
00:12:46I'm going to have to stop them over a walk.
00:12:49And they'll want to know why.
00:12:50And I'll have to tell them I need a wee or something.
00:12:53No, diarrhea.
00:12:55So I'm going to stop.
00:12:56I'm going to stop.
00:12:57I'm just stopping for a minute.
00:12:59Here, hang on.
00:13:00Why are you stopping for a minute?
00:13:03Oh.
00:13:04Nothing.
00:13:05Well, why are you stopping at that?
00:13:07Look at the snowy mountains.
00:13:10Oh, bonjour.
00:13:12Oh, merci, monsieur.
00:13:14God of love.
00:13:18Have you got cramp?
00:13:19No.
00:13:20Yes, you have.
00:13:21All right, good.
00:13:22But I've seen the view.
00:13:24I just wanted to see the view.
00:13:26It's lovely.
00:13:33Back on the road, James suddenly delivered a very un-Jamesman-like observation.
00:13:39My car is seriously quick.
00:13:42It's not as fast as this.
00:13:45Yeah, I bet it is.
00:13:46James, this has a turbocharged 1750cc engine from a Fiat Punto.
00:13:54Mine's two litre with a twin-scroll turbocharger.
00:13:58You notice Hammond is being strangely quiet on the subject of speed.
00:14:03I was just listening to you two bicker.
00:14:06I am a bit down on power, if I'm honest.
00:14:09I think Hammond's in a sort of retirement home for former distressed sports car owners.
00:14:18Right, next straight bit of road, James May.
00:14:22I will pull over and show you what real speed is.
00:14:27Cows.
00:14:29On a roof rack, I've never seen that.
00:14:34Soon we found a suitable stretch of road.
00:14:38And Hammond agreed to be the starter.
00:14:43I've got launch control.
00:14:45Not interested.
00:14:48Are you ready before anyone comes?
00:14:51In three, two, one, go!
00:15:00Well, now that's just impossible.
00:15:07It's the Xenos.
00:15:09Which means James May has just won a drag race.
00:15:13But for me, that wasn't the biggest surprise.
00:15:17I don't understand why this lost.
00:15:21Because instead of a conventional chassis, it has a carbon fibre tub like you get in a Formula One car
00:15:29or a McLaren P1.
00:15:31And a carbon fibre tub makes a car...
00:15:34Expensive.
00:15:35But light.
00:15:37Very light.
00:15:39Try to work out why I lost that race.
00:15:43I think it's because your car isn't as fast as mine.
00:15:45That was a factor.
00:15:47Yeah, but mine is so light.
00:15:50How do you know it's light?
00:15:51Every time Alphas say how much it weighs, they give a different figure.
00:15:55Yeah, that's because they bought better things to do than going around weighing cars.
00:15:59When Picasso had finished one of his paintings, he didn't say, oh, I wonder how much that weighs.
00:16:05Yeah, but you need to know the weight of an Alphas for when you resell it, because you buy scrap
00:16:09cars by weight.
00:16:12It's not a Xenos, that was built in Norfolk, so obviously they're going to weigh it. There's nothing else to
00:16:17do.
00:16:18This is from Milan.
00:16:19They finished making it and then he went into town with one and pulled girls.
00:16:25It's massive and it's made of pig iron. That's the problem.
00:16:30The weight argument raged on for the rest of the journey.
00:16:35So that night at the hotel, I came up with a plan.
00:16:40I'm going to weigh all three cars to prove the Alphas the lightest.
00:16:47The problem with your plan is that you'd need a Weybridge.
00:16:50Yes, yes.
00:16:51Well, hang on.
00:16:52We'll get one.
00:16:52There isn't one.
00:16:53I have got the hotel brochure here, actually.
00:16:56And, you know, it's got three restaurants, a spa and a gym, business centre, tennis court.
00:17:03Mm-hm.
00:17:04But with one glaring omission.
00:17:06What?
00:17:06There's no Weybridge.
00:17:07They haven't thought of that.
00:17:08I'd knock a star off.
00:17:11I shall build one.
00:17:13I shall build a Weybridge and then you shall see.
00:17:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:17:21That's going to be a really useful and interesting test.
00:17:26And you've ruined it.
00:17:28People are interested in Alfa Romeos.
00:17:30People are interested in murders.
00:17:31They don't want to see one.
00:17:32Anyway, anyway, we'll have more of that later on.
00:17:36But first, it is now time for us to engage reverse and park neatly in a marked space on Conversation
00:17:42Street.
00:17:51Right.
00:17:52Now, which nation on earth has the worst police cars?
00:17:57Ooh, that's some good conversation.
00:17:59I like that one.
00:18:00The worst police cars.
00:18:01You see, it's definitely not the Americans, is it?
00:18:03Because they have those Crown Vicks and they're rear-wheel-drive V8s.
00:18:06That's what you need.
00:18:07No, they're good police cars.
00:18:08Not the Americans.
00:18:10Um...
00:18:10It's us.
00:18:12It's the British.
00:18:13Really?
00:18:13We have those dreary little Vauxhall diesel Astros.
00:18:17Opals, if you live here.
00:18:18They're terrible.
00:18:19Those miserable little Chevrolets that are actually Deus.
00:18:22Yes.
00:18:22They're awful.
00:18:23Most countries around the world would traditionally have always had a police car that was made there.
00:18:27One of their own cars, wouldn't they?
00:18:28Yeah.
00:18:28And the funny thing is that's not what they used to do here.
00:18:30In Holland?
00:18:31No.
00:18:31Mmm, you don't surprise me.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34What they actually had for many years, about 30 years, was Porsches.
00:18:38What?
00:18:38The police used Porsches, yeah.
00:18:40Remember?
00:18:40Yeah.
00:18:41Do you know, I've forgotten that.
00:18:42You're right, they did.
00:18:43They did.
00:18:43How did they persuade the government?
00:18:45It's masterful.
00:18:47It's genius.
00:18:48Absolute respect to everybody who did it.
00:18:50What they did was said, right, we need...
00:18:52Mmm, we need...
00:18:53I think we need a Porsche because it's air-cooled and the engine is at the back.
00:18:57And that would be really handy if ever we have to reverse at high speed for a long time.
00:19:01They actually said that.
00:19:02They did.
00:19:03And this gets better.
00:19:04And I'm not making this up.
00:19:05They did say this.
00:19:07They need a car where you can remove the roof so you can stand on the seats to address traffic
00:19:11in an emergency situation.
00:19:12So what they need is a 9-11 Targa and matching sunglasses, I presume.
00:19:17Yes.
00:19:18Did they also say, and it comes with 911 on the back, which is our telephone.
00:19:22The thing is, it doesn't end there.
00:19:24They're still at it because the cycle cops around here, and there's a lot of them, they managed to persuade
00:19:30the government that they need mountain bikes.
00:19:33Where?
00:19:34In Holland.
00:19:36It's the flattest country on earth!
00:19:38And they need mountain bikes.
00:19:40Yes, they're mountain bikes.
00:19:42What?
00:19:43The best thing...
00:19:48The best thing is, it gives us an opportunity to have one more look at a photograph of the Dutch
00:19:54mountain cop police.
00:19:56There they are.
00:19:58Now, I want to talk about otters.
00:20:01What?
00:20:01Now, I want to talk about otters.
00:20:02You see, a few years ago, somebody in Holland worked out that there were only 185 otters in the entire
00:20:09countries.
00:20:09Yeah, Jeremy, it's a car show.
00:20:11Bear with me, OK?
00:20:12Because I've got the figures here.
00:20:13In 2014, 21 of these otters were run over.
00:20:18OK?
00:20:19In 2015, 49 were run over.
00:20:23You only have 185 otters in the whole country.
00:20:26And in two years, you've flattened 70 of them under your car.
00:20:32What is your problem with otters?
00:20:35The thing is, though, I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
00:20:37I don't want everyone to think that Dutch people go around murdering animals.
00:20:40Let me explain.
00:20:42Recently, the government here spent 150,000 euros, and that's 150,000 pounds, 160,000 pounds, 170,000 pounds.
00:20:51Yep, that's Brexit for you. There it is.
00:20:52We can't even afford to put mayonnaise on our chips now here anymore.
00:20:57Anyway, they spent 150,000 euros on a bridge over a road so squirrels could cross safely.
00:21:04We've got a picture of the bridge.
00:21:05Aw, that's nice.
00:21:06You know this bridge?
00:21:07Is this a famous bridge?
00:21:08That's a squirrel bridge.
00:21:10Yeah, it's a squirrel bridge.
00:21:11Anyway, how many squirrels do you think have used it?
00:21:16A squillion.
00:21:17I can see where you're going with that one, James.
00:21:20No, it isn't. I've got the figures here.
00:21:22CCTV footage has revealed in 2014, three squirrels used it.
00:21:28In 2015, it was used only twice.
00:21:32Why didn't the third squirrel use it again in 2015?
00:21:35Probably got run over.
00:21:37Yeah.
00:21:38By somebody mistaking him for an otter.
00:21:40Get it, get it.
00:21:44Now, you probably read the other day, the Dutch are taking a view on whether to allow people to,
00:21:51how can I put this, assisted dying if somebody feels as though their life is complete.
00:21:56Okay?
00:21:57Now, this is something that occupies me a lot, I'll be honest with you,
00:22:01because I sometimes think,
00:22:03oh, have I done enough now?
00:22:05Yes.
00:22:08No, you know, when, when would it be appropriate for me to think,
00:22:12oh, time to end?
00:22:13Now.
00:22:15May I get on with it?
00:22:16Yeah, yeah, do, do it now.
00:22:19No, but what I want to say is, okay?
00:22:22I'll get the forms, there can't be many.
00:22:23The time comes, shh, the time I think comes when you stop wanting to be an idiot.
00:22:29That's the time when you've done enough.
00:22:31I know what you mean.
00:22:31No, actually, you are right.
00:22:33Yeah.
00:22:33Because I think it's the moment where you go into a big department store
00:22:35and you go into the kitchenware section and you see a tea cosy, but you don't put it on your
00:22:41head.
00:22:42Exactly.
00:22:43Not putting things on your head is a sign it's time.
00:22:46And the time you don't want to put gloves on your ears and pretend to be a reindeer.
00:22:52That's just you, honey.
00:22:54It's just me, isn't it?
00:22:55Here's the moment I think you know.
00:22:57You're driving up a motorway, there's a train track next to you, a train comes,
00:23:01one of those fast ones.
00:23:03The day when you don't try and race the train, that's the day.
00:23:07Yes.
00:23:08I have to race the train.
00:23:10Yes.
00:23:10I have to go faster than the train so everyone on the train looks at me and goes,
00:23:13I've made the wrong travel choice.
00:23:15Should've gone in the car, it's quicker.
00:23:17If you're ever on a train and you look out of the window and you're overtaking me and I can't
00:23:22be bothered to race you,
00:23:23it's because I'm on my way to the new Dutch death clinic.
00:23:27And that is the end of Conversation Street.
00:23:29Now, if you have children, there's every chance they'll spend every spare second they have playing Zombie Splatter 7 or
00:23:35some other such computer game.
00:23:37But what about more traditional board games?
00:23:40Kids these days say they're not interested in such games, but I believe they would be if they were bigger
00:23:46and involved cars.
00:23:52To prove our point, we've come here to the countryside.
00:23:59And on the board game front, we shall start with a classic.
00:24:03A game where two players try and guess where each of the ships are and then blow them up by
00:24:08firing missiles at them.
00:24:10It's a simple game.
00:24:11And as such, if you want to play it with cars, you don't need much.
00:24:18In fact, all you need is a massive former Cold War airfield with enough tarmac to accommodate the board for
00:24:26your board game.
00:24:29With a big enough slab of airfield, you can then lay out your grid onto which you can place your
00:24:35battleships.
00:24:36And all you need for that is several thousand pounds worth of old cars.
00:24:42But not any old cars.
00:24:44This stretched limo, for example, may have seen active service on hundreds of hen nights.
00:24:50But it makes the perfect aircraft carrier.
00:24:54And then there's this Toyota Prius.
00:24:56Its electric engine makes it perfect as a submarine.
00:25:00Silent running.
00:25:01And then there's this Chrysler PT Cruiser convertible.
00:25:04There is no naval equivalent for this car.
00:25:06But who cares if we blow it up? Because it is, after all, crap.
00:25:10And speaking of blowing up, we now come to the missiles.
00:25:16For these, you need a car that is frightening and lethal.
00:25:21A car that strikes fear into other motorists.
00:25:25And what better car could there be for this job than the magnificent Gee Whiz?
00:25:31All I needed now was an opponent.
00:25:34A board game veteran.
00:25:37A man who thinks Call of Duty is a visit to the lavatory.
00:25:41That's excellent, Hammond.
00:25:43You've thought of everything.
00:25:44Oh, I have.
00:25:45Containers as the fence.
00:25:46It's got a fireman in case things get out of hand.
00:25:49Health and safety bloke to stop us blowing ourselves up.
00:25:52Cars that look exactly like ships.
00:25:54The lot.
00:25:55But how are you going to fire the missiles at the cars?
00:25:57Ah, well, that is the real genius in my plan.
00:26:02Easy, powerful and proven.
00:26:04Fire the Gee Whiz missiles with the movie cannon.
00:26:07You reckon that's accurate enough?
00:26:09Well, it's a cannon.
00:26:10No, no, but you've got to hit a specific square.
00:26:12You aim the cannon.
00:26:13You adjust the trajectory and elevation.
00:26:16But you reckon you can work that out?
00:26:17It's a cannon.
00:26:18To shut James up, I took one of the spare cars to demonstrate a practice shot.
00:26:25Right, we're all set.
00:26:27It's fully charged, pressure's good.
00:26:29Fire!
00:26:40I had a better idea for the weapons launching system.
00:26:58So, there you go, you see.
00:26:59You call out the grid reference that you want, and the driver just manoeuvres the jib exactly
00:27:04over that square, and then drops the Gee Whiz missile.
00:27:07It is absolutely unerringly accurate.
00:27:09I like that.
00:27:11And like everything else I've done here with all this stuff, this is all things you can do at home
00:27:17in your garden.
00:27:19With the giant containers making sure neither of us could see what the other was doing, James and I moved
00:27:27our battleships into place.
00:27:32And with the board laid out, it was time to play.
00:27:37Right, the Hen Knight limos each require two hits to be sunk.
00:27:41Both the motorhomes, they each require two hits to be sunk as well.
00:27:44And then my Prius and your PT Cruiser, they each require one to be sunk.
00:27:49We've got ten Gee Whiz missiles each, five hits needed to win. Got it?
00:27:55Yes, right.
00:27:56Having won the toss, James would be first to fire, but I had a cunning plan to thwart him.
00:28:03What I've done is put a couple of my ships right out on the edges, because James will think Hammond's
00:28:11a bit thick,
00:28:11and it's a typically amateurish tactic to put your ships on the edge, so that's what he'll have done.
00:28:16But then he'll think, hang on, even Hammond's not that thick.
00:28:20He just wants me to think he's thick, so he'll have put his cars in the middle.
00:28:25James will then not go for the edges, he'll go for the middle.
00:28:29But my ships will be at the edges.
00:28:32It's like a double or even a triple bluff.
00:28:36Now, Hammond is a bit thick, really, so I reckon he'll have put his all around the edges.
00:28:43D2, please.
00:28:47Fire!
00:28:59What was that?
00:29:01It was my limo.
00:29:03Hit on your limo on D2, thank you. Your shot.
00:29:09Red crane driver, I'd like C4 from C4.
00:29:15Fire!
00:29:22That's a miss.
00:29:25C4, miss.
00:29:28Back to my original theory.
00:29:30Hammond will have gone along the edge, I'm pretty confident of that.
00:29:33So, is it there, or is it there?
00:29:36Green crane driver, fire at D1.
00:29:40Fire!
00:29:47Yes!
00:29:49You sank my limousine!
00:29:51One sinking to me, a miss for Admiral Hammond.
00:29:57And you've overdone the explosives.
00:30:02One plan would be, if you're playing this at home, do it on a day when there's a lot of
00:30:06barbecues in the area.
00:30:07That way people would just think, well, yeah, they're just, it's a big barbecue they're having next door.
00:30:13With my aircraft carrier gone, and James's fleet unscathed, I had to break my duck.
00:30:20I'd like you to hit B2, please.
00:30:28B2, what?
00:30:29What is that?
00:30:30Where are they?
00:30:31I've just got a feeling.
00:30:33B1.
00:30:34B1, please.
00:30:43Red crane driver, can I have square A1, please?
00:30:49Fire!
00:30:55Fire!
00:30:56Come on!
00:30:57Oh, you are on the run.
00:30:59That is it.
00:31:00Do you want to give up?
00:31:01You've sunk my cruiser.
00:31:03So, that's a big red kill on A1.
00:31:06Boom!
00:31:08But James wasn't taking this lying down.
00:31:13C3.
00:31:14Fire!
00:31:19Yes!
00:31:20You hit my submarine.
00:31:21My invisible silent running Prius.
00:31:24Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:31:26I am losing badly.
00:31:28I've scored only one hit, he's scored three.
00:31:32But then the game started to turn, as James had a run of three straight misses.
00:31:37Fire!
00:31:47It was a miss!
00:31:49Thank you, I'm closing down my options.
00:31:52Close your options down further still if you were to hit rather than miss.
00:31:57Which was exactly what I was now doing.
00:32:00B3, please.
00:32:05A3, please.
00:32:06B3, please.
00:32:09B3, please.
00:32:10B3, please.
00:32:11Yes!
00:32:13You've sunk my battleship.
00:32:15I am raining down destruction on your dwindling fleet of doomed ships.
00:32:20You loser.
00:32:21Aha!
00:32:22No, I'm not losing.
00:32:23We're neck and neck.
00:32:26Annoyingly, James was right.
00:32:28I still had my battleship Winnebago and he still had his stretched aircraft carrier.
00:32:34Both of which needed two hits to destroy.
00:32:37It was May's turn to play.
00:32:42B2.
00:32:43Critical stage in the game now.
00:32:46I hit now and I'm in trouble.
00:32:49Fire!
00:32:55Yes!
00:32:56Yes!
00:32:57Yes!
00:32:57Yes!
00:32:59I shouldn't feel so good, but it does.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:06It's gonna be in here.
00:33:09Red Crane, target C1, please. C1.
00:33:14Fire!
00:33:19Hard luck, Horatio Hammond.
00:33:24All I've got to do now, get inside Richard Hammond's mind.
00:33:28An awful place, admittedly, but if I can just get in there for a second.
00:33:32Which way has he put it?
00:33:34There and there, there and there, there and there.
00:33:43C2.
00:33:49Fire!
00:33:56That'll be a mess.
00:34:00That, Captain May, all was a mess!
00:34:08However, while James now had to choose between just two squares, I was looking at a choice of six.
00:34:17Red Crane, target C2, please. C2.
00:34:25Red Crane, fire!
00:34:27Yeah!
00:34:27I meant C3! I meant...
00:34:33Yes!
00:34:36Oh, yes!
00:34:38Yes!
00:34:39Bullards!
00:34:42That mistaken shot wasn't just a hit. It had changed everything.
00:34:48Because I said C2, when actually I meant three, in case it was there, that's a kill. Bang! Which means
00:34:55it has to be there. Can't be here or here. So I've got him. James, you do know what that
00:34:59means, don't you?
00:35:00Yes, I've just worked it out.
00:35:02I've got to get this right, otherwise you've won.
00:35:05Do you want to surrender?
00:35:06No, I don't.
00:35:08So, I was now faced with the choice that would decide the game.
00:35:15A2 or B3?
00:35:18A2, B3. What would Richard Hammond do?
00:35:23Green Crane, driver.
00:35:29Oh, God.
00:35:34Coming in bewildered on Spaniel. Miss.
00:35:40Right.
00:35:41Fire!
00:35:56Yes!
00:35:57Yes!
00:35:58Ha-ha!
00:36:06Yes!
00:36:10Hammond!
00:36:13Best of three.
00:36:18Oh, hi, Matt.
00:36:21I'm at the makers of Tony's place facing us.
00:36:24Quaking in there, man.
00:36:25I wouldn't be surprised.
00:36:26I wouldn't be surprised.
00:36:28I know, there's the future.
00:36:29That was a total waste of time.
00:36:30Oh, well, now, hang on.
00:36:32No, we destroyed a PT Cruiser, a Prius, and many gee whizzes.
00:36:35Well, that's true, yes, but James...
00:36:38James!
00:36:41Never mind.
00:36:42Let's move on to...
00:36:45Celebrity Brain Crash!
00:36:55Now, this week, this week, we don't just have one star, we have several.
00:37:03One of the biggest bands ever to come out of Holland, and they're going to begin here in the sixth
00:37:10largest port in the world by performing their biggest hits. By which I mean...
00:37:16They're hit.
00:37:17Ladies and gentlemen,
00:37:19Golden Earring!
00:37:23I'll tell you what, we ought to make the lights go a bit better. Can we dim the lights?
00:37:28Yeah, yeah, a bit more rock and roll.
00:37:28That's better, a bit more rock and roll.
00:37:30What is their hit?
00:37:31Well, this is Holland's birthplace of the speed camera, it's obvious.
00:37:35Radar Love!
00:37:41I've been driving all night, my hand's wet on the wheel.
00:37:50OK, ladies and gentlemen, erm...
00:37:56The cable's gone into the sea here, and...
00:37:59Golden Earring have been electrocuted.
00:38:04Does that mean they're not coming on, then?
00:38:06Well, James, they've been subjected to a lethal dose of electricity, and they're now lying on the ground sizzling, so
00:38:11it's not...
00:38:12They're not. No.
00:38:13OK, OK.
00:38:14That is a very grisly scene, I apologise for that, everybody.
00:38:18Probably not as grisly, though, as if you're looking at us from out there.
00:38:22Eh?
00:38:23Well, think about it.
00:38:25Oh, yeah.
00:38:27We are standing in a window in a Dutch port, bathed in red light.
00:38:32And we've got no trade lining up, nobody's here.
00:38:36No, I know, I know, I've had an idea.
00:38:38I've had an idea of how we can fill the time that would have been taken up by the late
00:38:43Golden Earring.
00:38:44See, the thing is...
00:38:45Can we just make the lights go white again now? Pretend that never happened.
00:38:48Good.
00:38:48See, the thing is, that in Holland, there are these motorist accessory stores.
00:38:53OK? Yeah.
00:38:54They're open all night, places full on.
00:38:55We actually went to one last night, bought a whole load of amazing stuff you can use on the road.
00:39:01Bring it over here, let's show you a couple of things.
00:39:03I mean, this, for example.
00:39:04It's an incredible safety device.
00:39:06Yeah.
00:39:07No, this is very clever, because in a lot of car crashes, people bite their tongue, sometimes off, but by
00:39:14wearing this neat safety device, no way is he biting his tongue.
00:39:18Look at that!
00:39:19Perfectly safe, that is clever.
00:39:20And then you can get traffic cones that fit in the glove box.
00:39:24Yeah.
00:39:27Yeah.
00:39:27It's not funny stuff.
00:39:28This is safety material, another one.
00:39:30These are quite compact, so you can fit them in your boots.
00:39:33Thing is, though, OK, in America, as I'm sure you know, there are high occupancy vehicle lanes.
00:39:40You're not allowed to go in them unless you've got two or more people in the car.
00:39:44Now, we've always been very worried in Europe that this idea is going to come over here.
00:39:47But the Dutch have it covered, because in these motorist accessory shops, you can buy inflatable people.
00:39:55We've got one here.
00:39:56Very clever, that's very clever.
00:39:58Isn't it?
00:39:59I mean, the only slight issue is they do take a lot of effort to blow up.
00:40:02It's hard work doing.
00:40:03It doesn't matter, though, because here's the thing.
00:40:06OK, if you arrive at one of those high occupancy vehicle lanes, then you pull over on the hard shoulder,
00:40:13just past the Dutch on the left-hand side here, and then use your engine to blow up your inflatable
00:40:19person.
00:40:20So I'm going to do that now just to show you how unbelievably easy this is.
00:40:25Are we ready?
00:40:27Just put a bit of fuel in there, and here we go.
00:40:31Why have you put your fingers in your ears?
00:40:32It's only a V8.
00:40:34It's virtually silent.
00:40:37Here we go.
00:40:58All right, the inflatable person has split.
00:41:03There's...
00:41:04Oh, dear.
00:41:05Mine's all right.
00:41:08Let's move on, shall we?
00:41:09Tonight, we are in Morocco for what was supposed to be a sensible sports car test of my Mazda
00:41:15MX-5 versus Bob Marley's Norfolk-built Xenos.
00:41:20Unfortunately, the ape turned up uninvited in a ridiculously expensive Alfa Romeo.
00:41:27Yes, I did.
00:41:29And when we left the action, I decided to see which of the cars was the lightest by building some
00:41:35rudimentary scales.
00:41:36A job that these two thought would be beyond me.
00:41:48Despite the cynicism of my colleagues the next morning, my scales were ready.
00:42:04Wow.
00:42:06Yeah.
00:42:07Even more startling was Jeremy's choice of counterweight.
00:42:12How are you going to get it on there?
00:42:14It's going to jump.
00:42:15Oh, yeah.
00:42:15They're big jumpers, cows.
00:42:16Look, you see, it wants to.
00:42:17He's limbering up.
00:42:18He's getting ready.
00:42:18You can tell.
00:42:19Up you come.
00:42:20It's not going to jump.
00:42:21They can't jump.
00:42:21Up you come.
00:42:24On the off chance that this isn't a jumping cow, which it might not be.
00:42:28I don't think it is.
00:42:28I think you need a ramp.
00:42:30You hold that.
00:42:30I shall go and make a ramp.
00:42:33Hello.
00:42:33Hello.
00:42:34Hello, nice cow.
00:42:34Oh, it's bonded with you, Jeremy.
00:42:36It's bonded.
00:42:37Soon, without any help at all, I had fashioned a mid-shift ramp.
00:42:45Very good.
00:42:45Well done.
00:42:46That was quick and effective.
00:42:48Unfortunately, the cow had wandered off, so I had to draft in a substitute.
00:42:55Come on.
00:42:56Go on, camel.
00:42:56Come on, camel.
00:42:57Come on.
00:42:57Come on, camel.
00:42:58Come on.
00:43:01Come on.
00:43:02Come on.
00:43:02Come on.
00:43:02He's not going to go on.
00:43:04Up you come.
00:43:05Come on.
00:43:06Come on.
00:43:07Can you push him?
00:43:08Oh, no.
00:43:08Not really, because they kick your balls off if you do that.
00:43:11Let me...
00:43:12David Attenborough has never said that.
00:43:15Eventually, I had some success.
00:43:18This is good.
00:43:19We are getting there.
00:43:19We are building up a big Christmas dinner.
00:43:22And then the original cow came back.
00:43:26Come on.
00:43:27Dr. Thinklittle.
00:43:28Come on.
00:43:29Come on.
00:43:30I'm going over here.
00:43:32Good cow.
00:43:35Tragically, however...
00:43:36It's not enough.
00:43:38Could you go and get another cow?
00:43:41Come on, small cow.
00:43:43He's on.
00:43:43Right.
00:43:44Excellent.
00:43:44Good, good, good, good, good.
00:43:45Jeremy.
00:43:46Yes.
00:43:47This is...
00:43:47Oh, my God.
00:43:49Oh, my God.
00:43:49Oh, my God.
00:43:49I don't want to be here for this.
00:43:50I'm on some scales.
00:43:52It's carrots come out.
00:43:53Are they both boy cows?
00:43:54Yeah, they're both boys.
00:43:56Yeah.
00:43:56Oh, no.
00:43:56This is quite bad.
00:43:59Yeah.
00:44:00I'm stuck on a porn set.
00:44:04Am I part of this?
00:44:05Is this a threesome?
00:44:06He's trod on a turkey.
00:44:07No, he hasn't.
00:44:09More importantly, the whole cast of our porn film still weighed less than the Mazda.
00:44:15Chickens.
00:44:16Hello, chickies.
00:44:18Fair enough, is it?
00:44:19No.
00:44:20Doesn't make sense.
00:44:21Jeremy, this is complete nonsense.
00:44:23How's that?
00:44:25No.
00:44:26Come on.
00:44:27On we go.
00:44:28On you go.
00:44:29I'm not convinced that this isn't...
00:44:31Oh, the goat's escaped.
00:44:33At this stage, we explained to Jeremy that animals cannot be used as counterweights.
00:44:39Right, now, you may have a point.
00:44:41I think it's better if I kill them.
00:44:44What?
00:44:44Well, if they're dead, they won't mind.
00:44:48This plan made the job much easier.
00:44:53Oh, hello.
00:44:54My experiment has worked.
00:44:57Well, we have a figure.
00:44:58For the record, it weighs two cows, two legs of cows, brackets, rear, one camel and three goats.
00:45:05That's incredible.
00:45:06It's the most exciting thing I've ever been involved in.
00:45:10Having established the weight of the Mazda, it was time to do the Xenos.
00:45:16Right, I'm going to reverse off down my superb ramp.
00:45:21Whoa.
00:45:22I'm going to work this way a bit then.
00:45:23Why are you doing that?
00:45:24James counterbalances with your...
00:45:25Hang on, that's not gone well.
00:45:27Yeah, it has.
00:45:28No, it's moved.
00:45:28No, it's good.
00:45:29No, it's...
00:45:29Oh!
00:45:31Oh, this is...
00:45:32Now the back wheels have come off.
00:45:33Somebody get on the whole crew.
00:45:37What's happened?
00:45:38Oh, God.
00:45:40No, then, there's no point doing that, Hammond.
00:45:42We need to think this through.
00:45:48Hang on, I've got an idea.
00:45:49If you get off there, this side will go up,
00:45:52then you can put the ramp under the back wheels of the Mazda
00:45:55when it comes down again.
00:45:56Yes.
00:45:56So that you all need to get off.
00:45:58Right, I'm off.
00:46:03Hang on.
00:46:03Are you going up now?
00:46:05I think so.
00:46:06No, we need more...
00:46:06I know, everybody has to get on there.
00:46:08On that side, yeah.
00:46:09Everybody, all the crew...
00:46:10All the chunkier lads.
00:46:11If you get on that one,
00:46:14how did we get into this position?
00:46:16Right, somebody pull on the front just to tip it.
00:46:18Yeah.
00:46:18And then we will move this ramp.
00:46:21Hello, can we have more?
00:46:22He's down now!
00:46:23We're going to die!
00:46:25Am I dead?
00:46:27Am I dead?
00:46:30Thanks to our fluent French,
00:46:32we were able to get the forklift driver to help us.
00:46:36Le Mazda.
00:46:39Er...
00:46:39a...
00:46:40arreted.
00:46:43Reversé vous le ramp.
00:46:46Introducez le ramp.
00:46:48Yeah.
00:46:49Then the authorities arrived.
00:46:52Ah, les animals?
00:46:53Yes, les animals!
00:46:55Wait...
00:46:56Um...
00:46:57C'est un problème.
00:46:58James?
00:47:00It's not acceptable in Morocco
00:47:02to kill animals to establish the weight of a car,
00:47:05so it's not acceptable in Morocco.
00:47:08Having established nothing at all, we were all ordered to leave,
00:47:12which made Hammond very cheesed off with me.
00:47:14You're a bloody idiot.
00:47:16Funny.
00:47:19I think he's angry, isn't he?
00:47:21And I wasn't in James' good books either.
00:47:26Clarkson!
00:47:27What's the matter?
00:47:28I want the steering wheel back, you muppet.
00:47:30I haven't got it.
00:47:32You have.
00:47:33I haven't one of those goats has got it.
00:47:35Goats can't pick things up.
00:47:43With his wheel retrieved, we set off.
00:47:47And soon, James and I decided something needed to be done.
00:47:52Jeremy, are you there?
00:47:54Yes, I am.
00:47:56Oh, good.
00:47:57Um, look, just bear with me, okay?
00:48:03This isn't really working as well as we'd hoped at the moment,
00:48:06so we think it would be better if we went our own way
00:48:10and you went yours.
00:48:15Are you in on this, James?
00:48:17Well, the thing is, we had conceived quite an interesting test
00:48:22between an everyday sports car and a hardcore sports car,
00:48:26and, I mean, it's not you, but, I mean, really, it's the Alpha.
00:48:29The Alpha doesn't fit.
00:48:32Right, well, okay, um, I'll leave you two alone.
00:48:36And I do mean alone because I'm going to take the film cruise with me.
00:48:49Now that we're alone, I could prattle on for hours
00:48:54about what the Alfa Romeo badge means
00:48:57and how, with its carbon-fibre tub,
00:49:00this isn't really a sports car.
00:49:02It's more a scaled-down, cut-priced LaFerrari.
00:49:07But I've had a better idea.
00:49:13What I did was find a wonderful piece of road
00:49:21and then shut up
00:49:23so the pictures could do the talking.
00:49:32Round, like a circle and a spiral
00:49:36Like a circle that you find
00:49:43In the windows of your mind
00:49:50Like a tunnel that you follow
00:49:55To a tunnel of its own
00:50:01Down a hollow to work heaven
00:50:04Where the sun has never shown
00:50:09Like a door that keeps revolving
00:50:13In a half-forgotten dream
00:50:17Or the ripples from a pebble
00:50:21Or the ripples from a pebble
00:50:21Someone tosses in a stream
00:50:26Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
00:50:29Past the minutes of its face
00:50:33Past the minutes of its face
00:50:34And the world's like an apple
00:50:37Whirling silently in space
00:50:41Like the circles that you find
00:50:45In the windows of your mind
00:50:52In the windows of your mind
00:51:15And he discovered an ancient civilization
00:51:17And he got very excited
00:51:19And I couldn't say
00:51:19No Hammond, it's not real
00:51:21It's a film set
00:51:22That is where they filmed
00:51:24Astrid Snoblitz
00:51:25And that is where they filmed
00:51:26Game of Thrones
00:51:27Yeah, I know that
00:51:29But he thinks it's real
00:51:30He thinks aliens have come down
00:51:31And that everything that universities in Britain know
00:51:34About ancient Egypt, ancient Greece, ancient Rome
00:51:36Is all wrong
00:51:42Which feet last trod these steps?
00:51:46Were they even human?
00:51:51Maybe they were that big
00:51:53This was actually used in Jewel of the Nile
00:51:56Is it?
00:51:57Yeah, starring Kathleen Turner
00:51:59Michael Douglas
00:52:00And I think Danny DeVito
00:52:03Hammond probably thinks it's a spaceship
00:52:06That's how they got here
00:52:11It's like touching hands
00:52:14Across the millennia
00:52:18These were not primitive people
00:52:23While Indiana Hammond
00:52:25Continued his deluded ramblings
00:52:27I came up with an idea
00:52:31I'll tell you what
00:52:32This place has never been used at
00:52:34What?
00:52:35A racetrack
00:52:39Having convinced Richard
00:52:41We wouldn't anger the sleeping gods
00:52:43We made a circuit from the roads
00:52:46Running through the studio lot
00:52:51And then I went off to get changed
00:52:55Wow Hammond
00:52:56Roger Moore isn't here
00:52:57No he's not is he?
00:52:58What is that?
00:52:59It's my Alfa Romeo racing suit
00:53:02Is it?
00:53:02Yes it is
00:53:03Look at that
00:53:05Peacock lining
00:53:06That makes it better
00:53:07It's the dick from Del Monte
00:53:08It's the cock from Del Monte
00:53:10The dick from Del Monte
00:53:11He's saying
00:53:12In an Alfa Romeo
00:53:15In an Alfa Romeo
00:53:18Looking good
00:53:19Is more important
00:53:20Than looking where you're going
00:53:21That's a shame
00:53:22When are you going to do that then?
00:53:25It was now time to get down to business
00:53:28But first
00:53:29We went out for some sighting laps
00:53:36It's all skinny
00:53:39This is very narrow
00:53:40James did this
00:53:41It's only an inch wider than my car
00:53:44You stupid man
00:53:45But I'm in
00:53:47Into ancient Egypt
00:53:51Oh wow look at that
00:53:52Painting and everything
00:53:56I'm going to go around
00:53:57The unconvincing bikes are dead
00:54:02Understeering nightmare
00:54:03But that's not good
00:54:04Must remember that
00:54:06The problem you have in the 4C
00:54:08Is it's mid-engine
00:54:09Which means on a surface like this
00:54:11There's no weight over the front
00:54:12And that means
00:54:13No grip
00:54:17Unlike the other two
00:54:18This
00:54:18Is front-engined
00:54:20So there's less weight
00:54:21On the back end
00:54:21Which should make for a livelier back end
00:54:23And more time enjoying
00:54:25Oversteer
00:54:28Oh
00:54:28Going to spin
00:54:31That's bad
00:54:32That's too much oversteer
00:54:34In the throne sir
00:54:37Mustn't think about Khaleesi
00:54:39Oh no
00:54:40Thinking about Khaleesi
00:54:42It's bad
00:54:42Don't think about Khaleesi
00:54:44No
00:54:47Holy crap
00:54:49It's a castle
00:54:53Oh no
00:54:54Nearly hit a bit of NASA at then
00:54:56Jesus would have been displeased
00:55:03Having got to know our weird and demanding track
00:55:06We began the timed lapse
00:55:08With James going first
00:55:10In his lightweight
00:55:11Powerful
00:55:12Norfolk Mobile
00:55:15Right
00:55:15Are we ready
00:55:16James May
00:55:17In
00:55:17Three
00:55:18Two
00:55:18One
00:55:19Begin
00:55:29Oh where's the bend
00:55:35Oh
00:55:35Do you know what worries me
00:55:38Most of all
00:55:38Is the poor little man
00:55:39Who's mortgaged his house
00:55:41To start sales
00:55:43And that he's lent it to us
00:55:45On the television
00:55:45Which one
00:55:46Which one's driving it
00:55:47Oh no
00:55:52Right now what do I do
00:55:57After my first corner
00:55:59Cock up
00:55:59I was on the back foot
00:56:01Trying to make up time
00:56:06Heading for Nazareth
00:56:07That's a thing
00:56:13Whoa
00:56:14All over the place
00:56:23Round and round the thingy
00:56:26Whoa
00:56:33Fast, faster, faster
00:56:48Well
00:56:49Well
00:56:50This only goes up to
00:56:52999 hours
00:56:53Sadly
00:56:54Right
00:56:54But it's okay
00:56:56You were just in that time
00:56:57Awesome
00:56:58James, did you manage to drive
00:57:00Whilst dragging your face
00:57:01Along the ground
00:57:02A lot of dust comes in
00:57:04Why don't you wind the windows up
00:57:06You're funny men
00:57:09Next
00:57:10It was the turn of John Travolta
00:57:13Never has anybody looked quite so good
00:57:15On a time lap
00:57:20In 3, 2, 1
00:57:23Go
00:57:30Let's make this count
00:57:48Sideways in linen
00:58:03Turn
00:58:13Under steering
00:58:15Turn
00:58:17Turn, turn!
00:58:21Come on, let's get that turbocharger singing!
00:58:26Pin it now!
00:58:44Well, he arrived!
00:58:47Finally, Sir John Blashford Hammond.
00:58:51Ready?
00:58:52Yes!
00:58:53In three, two, one, go!
00:58:58Right, this is it.
00:59:08Whoa!
00:59:18Can't afford a single error.
00:59:36Oh, this is a whole map!
00:59:48Here he comes.
00:59:50Oh!
00:59:53Oh!
00:59:57Oh!
01:00:04What?
01:00:08Hang on, you know that windmills of your mind sequence in the car?
01:00:12Yeah?
01:00:13Well, you made the Alpha look really good in that.
01:00:15Yes.
01:00:16Yeah, but what if somebody buys one?
01:00:17You don't want that on your conscience, do you?
01:00:19What do you mean?
01:00:20It was a brilliant car needed to watch!
01:00:21Anyway, anyway, I have the results here of the laps.
01:00:25And, well, in third place, you in the Xenos, second place, you in the Alpha.
01:00:29First place, the winner was me in the Mazda, but it was a hollow victory because I ruined an ancient
01:00:35piece of sculpture.
01:00:37Yes, but here's the thing, okay, after the weight test and the speed test we did, we've learned nothing.
01:00:46Yeah, it's nothing.
01:00:46Nothing at all.
01:00:47Literally nothing at all.
01:00:49And on that terrible disappointment, I'm afraid it's time to end.
01:00:52Thank you so much for watching.
01:00:54See you next week.
01:00:55Goodbye.
01:00:55Goodbye.
01:00:55Goodbye.
01:01:25Goodbye.
01:01:28Goodbye.
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