The Grand Tour E 1

yousafjamal1999

#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial   After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.   #AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory

Transcript

00:00:26According to today's newspaper headlines,

00:00:28it seems that it's the end of the road for motoring presenter Jeremy Clarkson as the announcement came out.

00:00:35And said that it's with deep regrets the decision has been taken not to renew here.

00:01:22The forecast, plenty of sunshine through today with seasonal temperatures.

00:01:26We should reach our normal high of about 82 degrees by the sound of new.

00:01:31I can see clearly now the rain has gone.

00:01:38I can see all obstacles in my way.

00:01:45Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.

00:01:50It's gonna be a bright sunshiny day.

00:01:59Think I can make it now the pain is gone.

00:02:06All of the bad feelings have disappeared.

00:02:13Here is the rainbow I've been waiting for.

00:02:26Think I can make it now the pain is gone.

00:02:33No, the bad feelings have disappeared.

00:02:39I can see clearly now the rain has gone.

00:02:45It's gonna be red sunshine again.

00:02:53Take it down.

00:02:56We're taking you away

00:03:52We're taking you away

00:03:55We're taking you away

00:04:31We're taking you away

00:05:08We're taking you away

00:05:23We're taking you away

00:05:28We're taking you away

00:05:49He was fired by Radio York

00:05:53Fired by Radio Leeds

00:05:56And fired by Radio Lancashire

00:05:58It's Richard Hammond

00:05:59Hello, hello, thank you

00:06:03Thank you

00:06:05And ladies and gentlemen

00:06:11Over here

00:06:17He's basically a shaved ape in a shirt

00:06:22And he technically is the only one of us never to be fired by anyone

00:06:28It's Jeremy Clarkson

00:06:32Thank you so much

00:06:36And the good thing is

00:06:38It's very unlikely I'm going to be fired now

00:06:42Because we're on the internet

00:06:45Which means I could pleasure a horse

00:06:47Which means I could pleasure a horse

00:06:48No, no, no

00:06:49Doc?

00:06:50No, no pleasuring of any sort

00:06:52There are families watching

00:06:54Yes, anyway

00:06:56We are all car journalists

00:06:59And we have spent the last 20 years

00:07:02Being fired

00:07:03Being fired?

00:07:04Yes

00:07:04But we have poured everything we know

00:07:07Everything we care about

00:07:09Into this show

00:07:13Everything

00:07:14And coming up now

00:07:16Is a small montage

00:07:18Of what you can expect

00:07:19Over the next 12 weeks

00:07:44Is that the size of the drop

00:07:46Or what's happened to his penis

00:07:49You're looking at magnificence

00:07:52Help!

00:07:53Risk is bad

00:07:57James says we've got to stop the fuel

00:08:06I hate you

00:08:08He doesn't like us

00:08:14Lovey Nora

00:08:23Maybe leaking slightly

00:08:25What a moron

00:08:29You sank my limousine!

00:08:31I've lost one of my nose tampons

00:08:35This is not a particularly cultural thing to do

00:08:40I don't like the smell of tire smoke in the evening

00:08:44Oi! Get back in!

00:08:46James is falling fire!

00:08:56Sideways in linen

00:09:10There's no dignity in that, is there?

00:09:12Now

00:09:17Thank you so much

00:09:20Now, thank you

00:09:21All of that

00:09:23Is going to be hosted

00:09:25From this

00:09:26This is our new

00:09:28Traveling studio tent

00:09:30Thank you so much

00:09:31And we're going to be roaming the world

00:09:33We're going to be like gypsies

00:09:34Only the cars we drive

00:09:37Are going to be insured

00:09:38Stop saying things that are going to get us fired

00:09:40Yes, but I'm just saying

00:09:41It's brilliant

00:09:42It is!

00:09:46Oi!

00:09:47Who shot our drone?

00:09:49Did someone shoot it?

00:09:51Him

00:09:52Well, look, let's not get bogged down in who shot what?

00:09:55Okay

00:09:56Let's get changed

00:09:57Get on with the show

00:09:58Yeah, let's do it

00:09:59Shall we get on with the show?

00:10:00Yeah!

00:10:00Let's do it!

00:10:23Thank you, everybody

00:10:25Thank you so much

00:10:26And welcome

00:10:27To the first ever Grand Tour

00:10:31Thank you

00:10:36Now

00:10:37We hope you like our tent

00:10:40We think the great thing is

00:10:41That because it roams around the world

00:10:43We get a different view

00:10:45Out of the big picture windows every week

00:10:47So, this week

00:10:48Obviously, we've got the

00:10:49High desert of California

00:10:51Next week

00:10:52Who knows?

00:10:53I do

00:10:54I guess, James

00:10:55We know

00:10:56It's Johannesburg

00:10:57Now they know

00:10:59But I know they know now

00:11:00It doesn't matter

00:11:01The point is

00:11:02The view changes

00:11:02And so does the audience

00:11:04Okay?

00:11:04I mean, this week

00:11:05You're all Americans

00:11:09Now, this is a bit of a problem

00:11:16For people like us

00:11:18Who speak English

00:11:20We can converse perfectly well

00:11:22In a shop

00:11:23Or a restaurant

00:11:24But when it comes to cars

00:11:25And motoring

00:11:27Every single word you use

00:11:29Is different

00:11:30When I say different

00:11:31I mean wrong

00:11:32When you change gear

00:11:34With a lever

00:11:34What do you call that?

00:11:37Stick

00:11:37Then you say

00:11:38This is a stick

00:11:41Couldn't change gear with this

00:11:43It wouldn't work

00:11:43What you can do with this

00:11:44Is point to things

00:11:45Okay?

00:11:45Let's just see if we can

00:11:46Get you educated

00:11:47What do you call this

00:11:48Bit of a car?

00:11:49A bonnet

00:11:53Bonnet

00:11:54It's a bonnet

00:11:55What do you mean?

00:11:56No, I know you can wear a bonnet

00:11:57On your head

00:11:57It's two things

00:11:59We're capable of having

00:12:00Those different thoughts

00:12:02Now, what type of vehicle

00:12:03Is this?

00:12:04No, it's stupid

00:12:06Oh, no

00:12:07Hang on

00:12:08It's stupid

00:12:10Let's do another one of these

00:12:13What type of vehicle

00:12:14Is this?

00:12:16Coop

00:12:17Coop

00:12:18Coop is where

00:12:18You keep your chickens

00:12:20That's a coupe

00:12:21That's a French word

00:12:22I admit

00:12:22Yeah, a bit

00:12:23And they're muddled with that

00:12:24George Bush

00:12:25You heard what he once said

00:12:25About the French?

00:12:27Said the trouble with the French

00:12:28Is they have no word

00:12:29For entrepreneur

00:12:32It is difficult

00:12:33I think the only thing

00:12:34We agree on

00:12:34Is steering wheel

00:12:36Yeah

00:12:36But then they go

00:12:37And put it on the wrong

00:12:38Side of the car

00:12:40It must be really annoying

00:12:42Having to drive along

00:12:43Like that all the time

00:12:44Why don't you just put it

00:12:45In front of the driver

00:12:46Like we do

00:12:47Yeah

00:12:49It's probably a good idea

00:12:50If we get on with the actual show

00:12:51Yes, it is

00:12:52But we had to clear all that up

00:12:53Because contrary to what

00:12:54Some people have been saying

00:12:55This actually is

00:12:57A car show

00:12:58Well, not next week

00:13:00No, next week's an exception

00:13:01Yeah

00:13:01Or not when we go to Barbados

00:13:03No, Barbados is definitely

00:13:04Another exception

00:13:05But tonight

00:13:06Couldn't be more car-y

00:13:08If it tried

00:13:09And I'm going to prove that point

00:13:10Because we're kicking off

00:13:11With this

00:13:15Yes, sir

00:13:19I agree

00:13:21The thing is, though

00:13:23Various supercar makers

00:13:24Have now taken the

00:13:25Sort of polar bear friendly technology

00:13:27From a Prius

00:13:29And they're now using it

00:13:30To create raw, naked speed

00:13:33Now, I say

00:13:34The best of these

00:13:35Hybrid hypercars

00:13:36Is the mad

00:13:37Swivel-eyed

00:13:38McLaren P1

00:13:40Whereas Richard Hammond

00:13:41Who's wrong

00:13:42I'm not wrong

00:13:43He is

00:13:44Because he says the best

00:13:46Is actually

00:13:47The rather boring

00:13:48Porsche 918

00:13:49It's not boring

00:13:51Yes, it is

00:13:52It isn't

00:13:53It isn't

00:13:54But

00:13:54Whatever

00:13:55We decided

00:13:56To meet up

00:13:57With the cars

00:13:59And settle this

00:14:00Once and for all

00:14:01The better

00:14:02Is there

00:14:05To be afraid

00:14:05The other

00:14:11Is there

00:14:19To be afraid

00:14:24Of the cars

00:14:24The

00:14:25Of the cars�

00:14:25They

00:14:26are Who's

00:14:55Transcription by CastingWords

00:15:07Transcription by CastingWords

00:15:55Transcription by CastingWords

00:16:24Transcription by CastingWords

00:16:56Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:06Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:21Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:22Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:36Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:40Transcription by CastingWords

00:17:58Transcription by CastingWords

00:18:11Transcription by CastingWords

00:18:15Transcription by CastingWords

00:18:43Transcription by CastingWords

00:18:52Transcription by CastingWords

00:19:22Transcription by CastingWords

00:19:35Transcription by CastingWords

00:19:47TranscriptionWords

00:19:58Transcription by CastingWords

00:20:47James Bond

00:21:17Transcription by CastingWords

00:21:47TranscriptionWords

00:22:17Transcription by CastingWords

00:22:32TranscriptionWords

00:22:59TranscriptionWords

00:23:09TranscriptionWords

00:23:21TranscriptionWords

00:23:34Transcription by CastingWords

00:24:03TranscriptionWords

00:24:19TranscriptionWords

00:24:42TranscriptionWords

00:24:58TranscriptionWords

00:25:19TranscriptionWords

00:25:47TranscriptionWords

00:26:34TranscriptionWords

00:27:15TranscriptionWords

00:28:17TranscriptionWords

00:28:43TranscriptionWords

00:29:13TranscriptionWords

00:29:21TranscriptionWords

00:29:51TranscriptionWords

00:30:06TranscriptionWords

00:31:19TranscriptionWords

00:31:49TranscriptionWords

00:31:59TranscriptionWords

00:32:25TranscriptionWords

00:33:00TranscriptionWords

00:33:42TranscriptionWords

00:34:07TranscriptionWords

00:34:34TranscriptionWords

00:35:06TranscriptionWords

00:35:44TranscriptionWords

00:36:21TranscriptionWords

00:36:50TranscriptionWords

00:36:56TranscriptionWords

00:37:09TranscriptionWords

00:37:10TranscriptionWords

00:37:31TranscriptionWords

00:37:33TranscriptionWords

00:38:06TranscriptionWords

00:38:07TranscriptionWords

00:38:17TranscriptionWords

00:38:19TranscriptionWords

00:38:20TranscriptionWords

00:38:29TranscriptionWords

00:38:31TranscriptionWords

00:38:40TranscriptionWords

00:38:41TranscriptionWords

00:38:42TranscriptionWords

00:38:50TranscriptionWords

00:38:52Yes, look at this.

00:38:54Oh, yeah. Loving that.

00:38:58I'll do that again, actually.

00:38:59Make sure I was correct.

00:39:09This wouldn't be any understeer at all.

00:39:12Poke the back out and hold it there.

00:39:15No!

00:39:17I'll do that again.

00:39:19Only going the other way.

00:39:22Wrong way round, your name here.

00:39:26Klaus and Fritz, I am loving your work.

00:39:31I am... Oh, I've made a mess of that.

00:39:34Yes, but I'll just do this and it'll look like I did it on purpose.

00:39:39With the tyres begging for mercy, I got back onto the Izzent

00:39:43and unleashed 365 rampaging horsepowers

00:39:47from the turbocharged 3.0-litre straight-six.

00:39:52This isn't as fast in a straight line as an M3,

00:39:57but everywhere else, it is better.

00:40:00It feels less heavy, less cumbersome.

00:40:09And due to the unique characteristics of our strays, I can tell the steering is less...

00:40:15and it's less twitchy.

00:40:22This track was designed to trip cars up.

00:40:26There are fast corners, slow corners, drifty corners and bumps.

00:40:33It's hard on the tyres.

00:40:35It's hard on the brakes.

00:40:36It's hard on the engine.

00:40:38It's point and squirt and bark and yelp.

00:40:43It is vicious.

00:40:46But there is nothing here which has flummoxed the M2.

00:40:52This thing is an absolute masterpiece.

00:40:58Like I said, it is the best M car BMW's ever made.

00:41:06You may think it's mad to suggest the cheapest M car is the best.

00:41:11But look at it this way.

00:41:13This track is a lot cheaper than Silverstone.

00:41:16And I know which one I'd rather drive round.

00:41:31What's right with M2?

00:41:32Unbelievable.

00:41:37Why is there that zigzag at old lady's house?

00:41:40Because that wasn't there when I went.

00:41:41No, it wasn't there when you were there.

00:41:42But after you left,

00:41:43we discovered there's an unexploded Second World War bomb.

00:41:47Seriously, right where the track was.

00:41:49So we had to sort of go round it.

00:41:51Fair enough.

00:41:51Let me get this right.

00:41:52At our track, there's trees, animals, moisture, electricity,

00:41:57a house and an unexploded bomb.

00:42:01Yeah.

00:42:01Like I said, it's the most dangerous track in the world.

00:42:03Honestly, it makes him look like a duvet.

00:42:05It really honestly does.

00:42:07Anyway, all the cars that we test at the Ebola drone

00:42:10will do a timed lap.

00:42:12And to make sure it's a completely level playing field,

00:42:15they will all be driven by the same racing driver.

00:42:19Yeah.

00:42:20Clever.

00:42:20Oh, my God, sir.

00:42:22It gave us some thought.

00:42:23How clever is that?

00:42:24Now...

00:42:26Thing is, Amazon, OK, insisted that the racing driver in question

00:42:30should be from this side of the pond.

00:42:32So we went to something called NASCAR.

00:42:35English.

00:42:36And we found one, and we shipped him to England,

00:42:39and then we introduced him to the complicated procedure

00:42:42which involves turning right.

00:42:45There we are.

00:42:46He's called Mike Skinner, but we know him simply as the American.

00:42:51Well, we should warn you that some of his views are quite strong.

00:42:55Yes, he has very specific views, for example,

00:42:58on cars that have engines with fewer than eight cylinders.

00:43:01Communist.

00:43:01Yeah.

00:43:01Or more than eight cylinders.

00:43:03Communist.

00:43:04Or cars that have their engine in the middle.

00:43:06Communist.

00:43:06Yeah.

00:43:08Everything that isn't American, really, with a VA is communist.

00:43:11So let's see how he gets on with the M2.

00:43:14Right, there he is.

00:43:16Looking utterly bewildered.

00:43:20But he's off a skitter of a wheel spin,

00:43:23and immediately he's on to the isn't straight.

00:43:26There's a right there.

00:43:27That'll have confused him.

00:43:28Now a left.

00:43:29He'll be good at that.

00:43:30Now he can open the taps.

00:43:31Three litres.

00:43:33Six cylinders.

00:43:35This thing wouldn't pull a greasy string out of a dog's ass.

00:43:39I've literally no idea what he's talking about.

00:43:44Where I come from, this ain't a car.

00:43:46It's a cry for help.

00:43:49Whatever.

00:43:50He's through the final corner on the isn't straight.

00:43:53Into your name here.

00:43:54Hard on the brakes, grabbing the stick,

00:43:57which is on the left-hand side of where he's sitting,

00:43:59and turning in.

00:44:01See what I mean?

00:44:01No understeer at all.

00:44:03The whole damn track's narrower than my driveway.

00:44:06Yeah, that's because he doesn't have a monster truck on it.

00:44:08I wonder which one of them came up with this thing.

00:44:12The tall one?

00:44:13The short one?

00:44:14Or the one with the girly hair?

00:44:16Okay, coming up to old lady's house.

00:44:18Hard on the brakes.

00:44:20Turning in round the unexploded bomb,

00:44:23and now opening the taps again.

00:44:25No turbo lag at all.

00:44:28As he hammers down the bumpy back straight towards substation.

00:44:32This is a 90 left.

00:44:34New tarmac, but it held it well.

00:44:36One more 90 left to go through field of chic,

00:44:39and he's done it well.

00:44:40And across the line.

00:44:44There's one.

00:44:47There's one.

00:44:48There's one.

00:44:49He's good.

00:44:50He's quick.

00:44:51He's quick, you're left and right.

00:44:52Amazing.

00:44:53Now, to make sure that the M2 wasn't on sort of the lap board all by itself,

00:44:58we got the American to put some other benchmark cars,

00:45:01well, we call them benchmark cars.

00:45:03He calls them communist.

00:45:04Yes.

00:45:05Around the track to see what's what.

00:45:07There they all are.

00:45:07Look, McLaren, Audi, and so on and so forth.

00:45:09Hang on a minute.

00:45:10We saw a Ferrari 488 at the track in the film earlier on.

00:45:13Why isn't that on there?

00:45:14Because Ferrari wouldn't let us time it.

00:45:16Wouldn't let us?

00:45:17No.

00:45:18So, the Ferrari, the Ferrari can't go on the road or run on electric only.

00:45:22No.

00:45:23And the 488 can't do a timed lap.

00:45:25Ferrari are quite tricky to deal with from time to time.

00:45:28Let's just put it that way and move on.

00:45:29Because now it's time to see where the M2 goes on that board.

00:45:33Let's have a look.

00:45:34Let's put it on.

00:45:36Oh.

00:45:37Ha ha.

00:45:38Wow.

00:45:39Wow.

00:45:40It's pretty.

00:45:41I think it's the best M car they've ever made.

00:45:45Oh, my verse.

00:45:46Yeah, look.

00:45:47I prefer it to all the others that are quicker than it.

00:45:50It's best.

00:45:51Yes.

00:45:51It's definitely the one you should have.

00:45:53If you want one that's slower than all the other M cars.

00:45:55It's better.

00:45:56It's only two.

00:45:57It's quicker than a Civic.

00:45:58Yeah.

00:46:01It's slower than...

00:46:02If you had a choice of M cars, if you'd line them all up and said,

00:46:04I'd like the fastest, it wouldn't be that one.

00:46:07Shut up.

00:46:07Better in every single...

00:46:08Better in every single way, you said.

00:46:09Stop saying things.

00:46:10You said that.

00:46:11I don't care what...

00:46:11Have you driven one?

00:46:13You know what?

00:46:14It's a fabulous game.

00:46:15You've driven one.

00:46:16It's a brilliant car.

00:46:17It really honestly is.

00:46:18It's a shame, really, that we can't take the track around the world with us,

00:46:21isn't it?

00:46:21Because if we did, we could invite some celebrities to drive around it, maybe.

00:46:25And we could keep a score sheet of who was the fastest.

00:46:30No, I don't like it.

00:46:32I don't like it.

00:46:33No.

00:46:33I don't think it would work.

00:46:35Nobody would.

00:46:36I'm not sure that they do.

00:46:38And anyway, we've got a better idea, okay, for our celebrities.

00:46:41We're calling it Celebrity Brain Crash, and we've had a sting made for that as well.

00:46:54That is terrible.

00:46:55That is terrible.

00:46:57I don't like to use this...

00:47:02This is terrible.

00:47:05Who is going to say, I'm going to watch that new Amazon car show, Henry VIII's Head Explore?

00:47:11I want to know, why is there smoke coming out of Brad Pitt's head?

00:47:15What are we trying to say?

00:47:18No, we're not.

00:47:19No, we're not saying that.

00:47:21Not that.

00:47:23That is a terrible sting, but the machine itself isn't terrible at all.

00:47:27It's used to measure somebody's mental agility, their observational skills, and their ability to multitask.

00:47:35It's actually based on a machine that's used to test fighter pilots who want to join the Royal Air Force,

00:47:42which, as we all know, is the finest and greatest Air Force in the world.

00:47:46Boo!

00:47:47Boo!

00:47:49What do you mean, boo?

00:47:51What?

00:47:51If that was true, we wouldn't have to help you every time you get in trouble.

00:47:54Oh!

00:47:55Oh!

00:47:58Oh!

00:48:00Oh!

00:48:02Oh!

00:48:03Oh!

00:48:04Now, hold on.

00:48:06You lot can grumble as much as you like, but we edit this show, and we're British, so you'll just

00:48:12get cut out!

00:48:14So, there we are, we're all in agreement, but the Royal Air Force is better than the US Air Force.

00:48:21USA!

00:48:22USA!

00:48:23USA!

00:48:24USA!

00:48:25Listen, we're all in agreement.

00:48:26The Royal Air Force is better than all the other Air Forces in the world.

00:48:30Boo!

00:48:33Anyway, we're all now in agreement, but the Royal Air Force is the best Air Force in the world.

00:48:39Boo!

00:48:41So, so, we're all in agreement, the Royal Air Force is quite good.

00:48:45Boo!

00:48:47That'll do, that'll do.

00:48:48It's fine.

00:48:48So, let's get back to Celebrity Brain Crash, and meet our first ever guest.

00:48:54Yes, now, normally on other shows, the guest will come through a sparkly curtain, wave a bit, and then sit

00:48:59down, but not here.

00:49:01Oh, yes, our guests make a proper arrival, and on that note, let's meet tonight's star.

00:49:07He has been in pretty much every single movie franchise there is, apart from Bridget Jones.

00:49:15No, no, he, no, he was Bridget Jones.

00:49:18Was he?

00:49:19No.

00:49:20No, but it doesn't matter.

00:49:21He was in the Bourne films, he's in the Mission Impossible films, he's in the Avenger films, and right now,

00:49:26he is 10,000 feet above us.

00:49:29Waiting to make one hell of an entrance, ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Renner!

00:49:36There he is!

00:49:38There he is, that's his plane!

00:49:41There he is!

00:49:45Hold on, everybody, here he comes, well, well, well.

00:49:48He is ready to jump.

00:49:52He is ready to jump.

00:49:54He is ready to jump.

00:49:54And there he goes!

00:49:55That is amazing to see him doing his own stunts.

00:49:58Yeah, I know, and he is looking good!

00:50:02And I tell you what, when he gets here, I do want to talk to him about that Bourne legacy

00:50:06film.

00:50:07A, what it was like to punch Shane Jacobson, and B, ooh, hang on.

00:50:13He's leaving this terribly late.

00:50:16LAUGHTER

00:50:23APPLAUSE

00:50:34Right.

00:50:37That's, erm...

00:50:37Does that mean he's not coming on, then?

00:50:40No, James, he's not.

00:50:43it's okay though we anticipated this sort of thing so we got a a backup guest ready

00:50:48uh he's he was in he was in man from uncle uh he was in lone ranger he was both

00:50:55twins

00:50:55in the social network and his new film is called nocturnal animals uh we haven't had time

00:51:02unfortunately to organize a dramatic entrance but i hope you'll give him a warm welcome nevertheless

00:51:07ladies and gentlemen

00:51:08oh my jesus is that a snake it's a snake that's a ruckus snake is it yeah he's been killed

00:51:24by no

00:51:25weary quiet everyone quiet please quiet that's there's literally nothing we can do no he's yards

00:51:31away from us and anyway snakes are like herds of them aren't they hunted packs yeah they're pack

00:51:35animals does um does that mean he's not coming on either well no james he's finished writhing

00:51:42around in agony and now he's dead so that is a no all right well uh maybe there's somebody famous

00:51:50in

00:51:50the audience well it's unlikely no no serious you know carol vorderman yeah she rang me this morning

00:51:57she was at an air show nearby and said can she come to the show she's oh no she's honestly

00:52:00i know

00:52:02you don't know who carol vorderman is she's a huge huge huge star in the uk she started out on

00:52:06a

00:52:07program called countdown established herself as being unbelievably brilliant a fantastic mathematician

00:52:12and very beautiful yeah she's also dead

00:52:19what what she's dead well how did that happen well i don't know i'm not a pathologist but she's dead

00:52:27is

00:52:27what she is seriously yes christ problem what are we gonna do um jesus look at that out there it's

00:52:38like

00:52:38it's just littered with corpses and now

00:52:43lads i don't think this bit is working

00:52:47let's drop celebrity brain crash this week we'll do it again in south africa next week and i think

00:52:53people will have forgotten all this they might not i think they will we'll just skip over it now

00:52:59it's not going to happen and that's okay because we can get back to the cars yes moving on

00:53:09this week we are trying to find out which of the new breed of hybrid hypercars is the best yes

00:53:16on day

00:53:16one at the track in portugal we established that the mclaren p1 is a mentalist that the porsche 918

00:53:23is very good milk floats and that the ferrari the ferrari can do nothing at all

00:53:29some of that is true but now day two

00:53:45we began by lining up the three most exciting cars on the planet

00:53:50for the drag race of all drag races

00:54:07naturally this meant engaging launch control which in the mclaren takes about a fortnight

00:54:15i have to have the drive train in track mode the aero package in sport mode so that

00:54:21the rear end squats when i set off and gives me more traction i have to have the drs button

00:54:27pressed

00:54:27with my thumb to keep the rear wing open which reduces drag obviously launch control in the porsche

00:54:33left foot on the brake hard right foot on the throttle hard light goes green left foot off brake

00:54:39ding launch button press for two seconds left foot on brake right foot on throttle press launch control

00:54:46mash the throttle within four seconds release the brake three seconds later

00:54:52i have full boost and i have to set off then within three seconds or the entire system disengages

00:54:58i'm going to get this wrong just so you know i've got a lot to do in here

00:55:29i wasn't ready

00:55:34Oh, my God! That is quick!

00:55:41Holy mother! Did you see that?

00:55:45F*** me! Jesus f***ing Christ! It's all over the place.

00:55:55Since it was clear I'd got all my buttons wrong,

00:55:58the chaps agreed to another run.

00:56:01Set rep, the lights went green before the boost was ready

00:56:05and I had the DRS button still pressed when I got to the end,

00:56:08which meant I had no downforce, which meant, well, poo came out.

00:56:14This time I'm going to do it with more drag, which will slow me down,

00:56:19but I will be able to stop without killing myself.

00:56:27Curse system charged, right.

00:56:30Ooh!

00:56:34Boost building.

00:56:41Three, two...

00:56:44And we are away! What a start!

00:56:50The Porsche has gone up to a flyer!

00:56:54Oh, of course!

00:56:57180, 190, 210!

00:57:02230 kilometers an hour!

00:57:09That wasn't very good.

00:57:12Because James had somehow messed up that time, and because this test was about the cars,

00:57:17we decided to go again.

00:57:25It's rocket ship!

00:57:28For England!

00:57:32No!

00:57:33No!

00:57:34No!

00:57:39Okay, we have all three won this now!

00:57:45Determined to find a definitive one two three finishing order we ran again

00:57:57another totally different result there gentlemen and again

00:58:18at this point we decided to call a halt to proceedings because we had reached a scientific conclusion

00:58:26it turns out that it doesn't really matter which car you buy it all depends on your shoes now

00:58:32this is a Todd loafer slightly worn together a crisper yeah jump off the brake pedal and it's

00:58:39immediate now this is a converse and I'm surprised there's more sponge in there the adidas they weren't

00:58:44thinking that through see as you lift your foot up it's a millisecond I know you've got curves I

00:58:49know you've got a 6.3 litre v12 and I know that launch control systems amazing but it's all let

00:58:55down by the sponginess of the adidas shoes so they should sell you the car and the shoe no more

00:59:00than

00:59:00that have you got the correct shoes and have you worn them in exactly fresh shoes lads I need to

00:59:04just with that sorted it was time to bring in a racing driver to see which of our cars could

00:59:15do

00:59:15the fastest lap our resident American said he wasn't interested because all three cars are

00:59:22probably communist so instead we went for a Belgian chap who's done Formula One and Formula E Jerome D'Ambrosio

00:59:39Jerome took the cars out to get a sense of how they handled

01:00:00and when he finished we were interested to hear his professional opinion

01:00:05so we're going to start with the Porsche the most easy to ride the car a much more

01:00:10more neutral with a lot of grip in the slow turns with a very good motricity we are directly

01:00:16very comfortable with one or two turns to be confident yes that's right exactly the Ferrari

01:00:22it's a beautiful one with a very neutral balance between the three the Ferrari is a great compromise

01:00:49at this point word reached us that Jeremy was taking liberties with the subtitling machine

01:00:57so we moved on to the big event the timed laps

01:01:08once the mechanics had finished their preparations the three speed traps were activated

01:01:16and the Ferrari the Ferrari took its place on the start line

01:01:23look how good it looks there this is just wasting time it's wasting rubber and fuel

01:01:28no this is like an amuse-bouche yeah it is you've ordered the duck and the sherry trifle

01:01:34and you're a melon ball I'm not even listening

01:01:54gentlemen it was doing 231.4 kilometers an hour at the end of the straight it's about the same speed

01:02:02as like a golf diesel something like that 194.9 going down the hill using gravity is he stopping

01:02:23off for shopping or something he must be

01:02:41here he is

01:02:50next it was the turn of the Porsche 918

01:02:54how much faster will it go because of the stripes do you think

01:02:56much

01:03:12two three one point so he's faster than the Ferrari

01:03:27183.0 way way way slower than him don't forget between here and the next measuring point okay

01:03:34you've got four slow corners and those are the ones where the Porsche was going to make at the time

01:04:02so almost to a tenth of a kilometer an hour the same speed as you

01:04:11here it comes inspiring noises

01:04:20finally it was the turn of the psycho killer the trickiest the edgiest of the three

01:04:27but I was so confident it would win I was prepared to take a massive gamble

01:04:34if the McLaren isn't the fastest you two can knock my house down

01:04:42what knock it down what your house yeah and I mean that that's how confident I am that that will

01:04:50be the

01:04:50fastest that's a sit you know we will do that it's a serious bet yeah

01:04:57but fine

01:04:58if that's not the fastest we can knock your house down

01:05:02yep you know where it is you've both been

01:05:04yeah I'd love to knock it down

01:05:13here we go a lot riding on this

01:05:30235.9 okay it's fastest at the end of the straight

01:05:39would you like to come to my house for dinner

01:05:40yes can I bring a bulldozer

01:05:50it's 8.3

01:05:52oh that is worryingly quick it's quite brisk

01:05:54there's no it's quite brisk

01:05:55we don't know how fast it's going around the tight turns

01:05:58it might have been doing two kilometers an hour around here

01:06:04oh

01:06:05oh

01:06:12Where is he?

01:06:15Crashed.

01:06:34With that, back to the tent.

01:06:44Thank you so much.

01:06:46Now, I want to make it absolutely plain,

01:06:49because I know this matters to Anoraks.

01:06:51All three cars were running on exactly the same sort of tyres.

01:06:56Yes, same tyres, same track, same driver.

01:06:59So the times are down to the cars.

01:07:01Yep, and now it is time to reveal those times.

01:07:04And let me just make it absolutely clear.

01:07:06We don't know what they are.

01:07:08The producers have kept them from us.

01:07:10They're top secret.

01:07:11So, let's put the scoreboard up,

01:07:13and let's begin with the Ferrari, the Ferrari, I believe.

01:07:18Let's see what it did it in, please.

01:07:22A 154.4.

01:07:24We don't know if that's any good, do we?

01:07:25But, well, let's move on and do the Porsche next.

01:07:29Let's have a look.

01:07:29What did the Porsche do it in?

01:07:32Oh, yes!

01:07:33A 154.4!

01:07:36Yes!

01:07:37Yes!

01:07:38You see, you said it would mince the Porsche,

01:07:41and it didn't mince it.

01:07:43It was slower than the Porsche.

01:07:44I told you, it's just a melon ball.

01:07:47It's slower than my car,

01:07:49which was faster than your car.

01:07:51Yeah, it points over a second, and it looks better.

01:07:53Yeah, it did.

01:07:53In my mirror, where it belongs, get a trolley.

01:07:56It's a melon ball, and it lost.

01:07:58Hammond, calm down.

01:08:00All right.

01:08:00Because now we must bring up the time that really matters.

01:08:03Yeah.

01:08:04The one where a lot's at stake.

01:08:06The McLaren, the McLaren P1.

01:08:09Are you nervous?

01:08:10No.

01:08:11Sure?

01:08:11No.

01:08:12A little bit?

01:08:12No, I'm not nervous.

01:08:14Why be nervous?

01:08:15Because you could get, like, a shopping trolley

01:08:16and keep all your things in it.

01:08:18Make some new friends under a bridge somewhere.

01:08:21Hammond.

01:08:22I'd say sell your body.

01:08:23Don't do that.

01:08:23Be quiet.

01:08:27Let's bring up the time of the P1.

01:08:29Here we go.

01:08:30Oh, God.

01:08:31Where is it?

01:08:33Oh.

01:08:36Oh!

01:08:41Oh!

01:08:42Oh!

01:08:44Oh!

01:08:45Oh!

01:08:46Oh!

01:08:46That is funny, because you said the fastest,

01:08:51but it's not the fastest, it's the slowest.

01:08:55Ladies and gentlemen, journalist, broadcaster,

01:08:59and homeless man, Jamie Carson.

01:09:02Oh!

01:09:03Oh!

01:09:04Oh!

01:09:05Oh!

01:09:06Oh!

01:09:09That's what it is.

01:09:10That's what it is.

01:09:13You're not really going to knock my house down.

01:09:17Yes, we are.

01:09:18A bet is a bet.

01:09:20Yeah, that's the deal, and we're going to film it.

01:09:22No, but the thing is,

01:09:23on the tyres that the McLaren can be bought with,

01:09:26it was faster than...

01:09:28No, no, but we agreed right at the start

01:09:30we'd all run on the same tyres, didn't we?

01:09:34That was the deal before your car lost.

01:09:36So let's just...

01:09:37Let's just sum this first show up, shall we?

01:09:40OK, I've lost my house.

01:09:43We've had a fight with the audience.

01:09:44Big one, hmm.

01:09:45Somebody shot our drone down.

01:09:47Yes.

01:09:48And we've killed three quite major celebrities.

01:09:51Yes.

01:09:51But, on the plus side,

01:09:53my Porsche was the fastest!

01:09:55Yeah!

01:09:55CHEERING

01:10:00And on that terrible disappointment,

01:10:02I'm afraid it's time to end.

01:10:04Thank you all very much for coming.

01:10:06Thank you for watching,

01:10:08and we'll see you next week in Johannesburg.

01:10:10Goodbye!

01:10:11CHEERING

01:10:14AND APPLAUSE

01:10:15AND APPLAUSE

01:10:16Let's see you then.

01:10:18team

01:10:21and

01:10:22We've been

01:10:23following iskt

01:10:2619

01:10:43Nз

01:10:44Sometimes I do

01:10:48Sometimes I do

Category

Transcript

Comments

Recommended