#TheGrandTour #OneForTheRoad #ClarksonHammondMay #FinalLap #ZimbabweSpecial
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
After 22 years of automotive mayhem, the trio—Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May—have reached the end of the road. In their final special, "One For The Road," they head to Zimbabwe in three cars they’ve always wanted to own: a Lancia Montecarlo, a Ford Capri, and a Triumph Stag. We dive into the most emotional moments, the stunning African landscapes, and the legacy left behind by the men who changed car television forever. Goodbye to the best car show in the world.
#AmazonPrime #CarReview #JeremyClarkson #RichardHammond #JamesMay #AutomotiveHistory
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MotorTranscript
00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:58Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:32Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:36of Whitby. There it is.
00:01:41Now, Whitby, of course, is famous all around the world
00:01:44for its unbelievable fish and chips.
00:01:47With scraps.
00:01:49What?
00:01:51Fish and chips with scraps.
00:01:52You get scraps.
00:01:53There's little bits of batter that stay in the bottom of the fryer.
00:01:55Scraps?
00:01:56Do you want scraps with that?
00:01:57Fish and chips with bits.
00:01:58No, it's scraps.
00:02:01It is bits.
00:02:03Right, hands up for bits.
00:02:06Wrong.
00:02:07Scraps.
00:02:07Yes!
00:02:10Don't argue with me.
00:02:13Because I was born in Yorkshire, every single one of my family back to the 17th century
00:02:18from Yorkshire, I'm the most Yorkshire person in the world.
00:02:20You are, yeah.
00:02:21Do you know, it's funny, because you can't tell.
00:02:23You really wouldn't know.
00:02:25Yorkshire people are famous, aren't they, for speaking their mind.
00:02:28And with you, we never know what you're thinking.
00:02:32All right, then, what am I thinking now?
00:02:34You're thinking you're brilliant and I'm an irritating little short-ass.
00:02:38How did you do?
00:02:40It's incredible!
00:02:42Yeah, psychic.
00:02:43Other things Yorkshire's famous for, cricket, that's not interesting.
00:02:47Oh, and then there was a TV show called Last of the Summer Wine,
00:02:50which is about three very badly dressed old men who fell over
00:02:55and everything they ever did went wrong.
00:02:58It was rubbish.
00:02:59Yeah, terrible.
00:03:00I don't know why that took off.
00:03:03Car making, well, let's put it this way,
00:03:04it's not exactly the Detroit of the British Isles.
00:03:06No, it's not.
00:03:08But there is a lot of motoring-related stuff here this week
00:03:11because we are in town.
00:03:16So, let's get on with the show.
00:03:18Yes, let's.
00:03:22We begin in Victorian times when James May was a little old lady.
00:03:28See, back then, gentlemen of means...
00:03:32Rich people in tweed suits.
00:03:33Yes, rich people in tweed suits would take what was known
00:03:36as the Grand Tour.
00:03:38They'd go off to France or Italy
00:03:40and they'd spend a few months learning about culture
00:03:43and wine and music.
00:03:45Nowadays, of course, everybody goes to Magaluf
00:03:47and learns about beer and vomit and chlamydia.
00:03:50Yeah, now, we think this is a real shame.
00:03:54So, Jeremy and I went off to Italy
00:03:55to do our own modern take on the Grand Tour,
00:03:59a wonderful, inspirational journey
00:04:01that not only gave its name to this show
00:04:03but also to 1,000 GT cars.
00:04:07Grand Tourers.
00:04:13Our start point was the Tuscan hilltop city of Siena.
00:04:20Home to the most exciting horse race in the world,
00:04:25the Palio.
00:04:40It was the beginning of what would be a very fabulous
00:04:43and very cultured journey.
00:04:47We'd visit the magnificent cities of Florence and Bologna and Verona
00:04:52on our way to the finishing point
00:04:54in the most magnificent city of them all, Venice.
00:04:59The cars we'd be driving were fabulous too.
00:05:03James had chosen the Rolls-Royce Dawn,
00:05:06a new two-door drophead version of the Ghost.
00:05:10And I'd be in the DB11,
00:05:13the latest in a long line of elegant and beautiful
00:05:16Aston Martin Grand Tourers.
00:05:21Even its door mirrors are beautiful.
00:05:23Its wheels are beautiful.
00:05:25This is...
00:05:26This is one of the most beautiful cars I've ever seen.
00:05:31Shame it's brown.
00:05:32It isn't brown.
00:05:34Yes, it is.
00:05:34It isn't brown. It's sunset orange.
00:05:36It's not brown in the way that my car is green.
00:05:39It's brown.
00:05:40Your car is a convertible BMW 7 Series.
00:05:43No, it isn't.
00:05:44But is it a 7 Series underneath?
00:05:47Well, the bits of the floor pad are.
00:05:48There you go.
00:05:49£265,000 for a convertible 7 Series.
00:05:52It isn't.
00:05:52If you're going to drive across Italy, which we're going to do,
00:05:55taking in some culture,
00:05:57that's what you need.
00:05:58A brown car.
00:05:59It isn't brown.
00:06:00It's brown.
00:06:01Look, let's not bicker.
00:06:03Actually, on this occasion, let's get on.
00:06:07We're both going to drive across,
00:06:09what is, I think, our favourite country in the world,
00:06:12enjoy some culture,
00:06:13enjoy some fine wine, some food,
00:06:15some art.
00:06:19What was that?
00:06:24Sorry, I'm late.
00:06:26Well, we didn't know you were coming.
00:06:27We rather hoped you were.
00:06:28Well, I am.
00:06:29And look at the car I brought.
00:06:31Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat.
00:06:35707 American horsepower
00:06:37and enough torque to pull that old building down.
00:06:40Just that old building, is it?
00:06:42Oh, never mind.
00:06:43Hammond, Tuscany,
00:06:45not really the home of the muscle car.
00:06:48Yeah, you see,
00:06:48I was worried you two were going to be all boring and serious.
00:06:51And I am here to make sure this trip is fun
00:06:54because don't tell me the original Grand Tour wasn't fun.
00:06:56It was like an 18th century cannonball run,
00:06:59only with old-fashioned morphine instead of cocaine.
00:07:01This is going to be brilliant.
00:07:03What's with your advertising?
00:07:04Well, because the Americans used to do the Grand Tour
00:07:06and they used to get sponsors to help cover the cost.
00:07:09So I've got myself some sponsors here.
00:07:10What, Bobby's?
00:07:11What is a grit?
00:07:12That's a, it's a, it's a,
00:07:13isn't it a bit left over after coffee or potatoes?
00:07:16I don't know.
00:07:16It's, what's there?
00:07:19Rodeo Lubintoon.
00:07:20Lubintoon, yep.
00:07:20Look at that.
00:07:22The thing is, people will look at me in that
00:07:23and know I am on a Grand Tour.
00:07:25You, they'll just say,
00:07:26what are these two old farts doing?
00:07:28Seriously?
00:07:29You have made no effort.
00:07:30You haven't got into the mood for this.
00:07:32Art, music, culture.
00:07:35Refinement.
00:07:36Yes.
00:07:36Is this something to do,
00:07:37is this something to do with you?
00:07:39Yes, yes, they're here.
00:07:40These are my spare tires.
00:07:42Because on a trip like this,
00:07:45in a car with that much power and that much torque,
00:07:47I'm going to get them some tires.
00:07:49Tree.
00:07:49Yep.
00:07:53That lot was not going to fit in the boot or trunk, was it?
00:07:58That is luxury.
00:07:59That is Grand Touring.
00:08:00Reluctantly, we agreed to let our vulgar colleague tag along.
00:08:26Hamid, you're deliberately making an irritating noise.
00:08:29Please, please, please stop it.
00:08:31I am here.
00:08:34I will freely admit that Hammond's Dodge Hellcat is a remarkable car.
00:08:43It would be perfect if we were at a tractor pull in Milwaukee.
00:08:48But we're not.
00:08:50We're here.
00:08:51We're here.
00:08:51And here, in Tuscany, you need one of these.
00:09:08This is the all-new replacement for the DB9,
00:09:13and it is the perfect car for the job.
00:09:18It even comes with three running modes.
00:09:20You've got Sport, Sport Plus, and the one I'm going to use.
00:09:25GT, Grand Touring, up front, there's a 5.2-litre twin turbocharged V12, which produces 600 horsepower, and they are
00:09:41smooth horsepower.
00:09:45Weeby horsepower.
00:09:50In the fullness of time, you'll be able to buy a cheaper version of this car with an AMG V8.
00:09:57It's all part of a deal that Aston have done with Mercedes, and you can see evidence of the deal
00:10:02already.
00:10:02This has got Mercedes switchgear, Mercedes electronics, even got Mercedes sat-nav.
00:10:09And I've got to say, Aston, Martin, and Mercedes, that is the best Anglo-German marriage since Queen Victoria married
00:10:18Albert.
00:10:20James, though, disagreed.
00:10:23Actually, this is the best Anglo-German marriage.
00:10:30It's perfect, in fact, because it has all the things that we like to think of as being Britishness in
00:10:36a car,
00:10:36the sense that it was made by men in aprons, that there are craft skills and traditional materials involved.
00:10:43But then you've got the Germans there, with their high-tech and their manufacturing efficiency.
00:10:49It's absolutely wonderful.
00:10:53It's very serene.
00:10:56There are a lot of numbers I could quote on this car, you know, the usual top speed, power, 0
00:11:01-60, all that sort of irrelevant rubbish.
00:11:03But I'm not going to, because that would be, frankly, uncouth.
00:11:09Oh, talking of uncouth...
00:11:14I'll admit, this is not a quiet car.
00:11:23You've got that big bass rumble and roar from the 6.2-litre V8 Heaven.
00:11:29And over the top, that shrill, manic whine of the supercharger.
00:11:35Neither is it a particularly economical one.
00:11:38At full chat, it'll chew through its 18.5-gallon fuel tank in just 13 minutes.
00:11:45And in fact, it needs so much air to mix with all that petrol it's drinking,
00:11:50that it'll remove one of the headlights and replace it with a ram air intake to feed air to the
00:11:55engine.
00:11:56So this swapped its eye for a nostril.
00:12:03The upside of all this, however, is that it's extremely fast.
00:12:09It'll be the standing quarter faster than a Porsche 911 GT3, but it costs, what, £50,000?
00:12:15You could have five of these for one of James May's Rolls-Royces.
00:12:20Well, I know, this looks like a tunnel opportunity.
00:12:30That is a genuinely horrible noise that Hammond's car is making, and he just keeps doing it.
00:12:35He keeps stamping one pedal, then stamping the other one in his binary style.
00:12:46Sadly, the engine noise wasn't the only irritation.
00:12:51Is this just going to be a tour of Italy's petrol stations?
00:12:54Well, it depends how far apart they are, doesn't it, really?
00:12:57Look at it this way. Think of the snacking opportunities.
00:13:00You come to Italy for food?
00:13:01Yeah, but not crisps.
00:13:03No, not crisps and hideous sausages from America.
00:13:06You don't know what you're going to find. It'll be different in different petrol stations.
00:13:09Well, are there any Renaissance petrol stations we can visit?
00:13:12No, not. Are there any Renaissance sausage rolls in there?
00:13:14Oh, for God's sake.
00:13:15Having filled up his car, and himself, we were back on the road.
00:13:23A quick situation update.
00:13:26I'm driving through sunny Italy.
00:13:28Shut up!
00:13:30Bad news, James. I'm afraid there's a tunnel coming up.
00:13:33Are you ready? Are you ready?
00:13:34Don't do it, Hammond.
00:13:35Just relax. Enjoy a bit of quiet.
00:13:43You are going to love that.
00:13:48Soon, we arrived in the Renaissance city of Florence, a traditional stopping point on the grand tour of old.
00:13:58Architecture. Opera de Frensie. This is what we're here for. This is why we're here.
00:14:06Best of all, though, James and I had managed to lose Hammond.
00:14:11He really is offending you, isn't he, with these dogs?
00:14:15Honestly, I wouldn't say this lightly, but I have developed a genuine, deep, deep, heartfelt hatred for that thing.
00:14:23I can tell. You're going to go like Inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther films soon.
00:14:28No, you're not wrong. I've developed a twitch.
00:14:30When he comes near me, I'm waiting for that stupid noise it makes.
00:14:33My eye starts quivering.
00:14:34It's like somebody constantly being sick on you while you're trying to read a nice book.
00:14:38Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
00:14:41ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:14:42As we were on our own, Jeremy and I decided to head for the renowned Uffytsi Gallery,
00:14:48where we would enjoy a bit of peace and quiet as we appreciated its treasures.
00:15:07Who's home for me?
00:15:08Because it's donut time!
00:15:10Yeah!
00:15:13Look at that one!
00:15:15What's sprinkles on that?
00:15:17Party on the hill in wherever we are!
00:15:19Italy!
00:15:20Yeah!
00:15:23Finally bringing some life into this place!
00:15:29After Hammond had fitted some new tyres,
00:15:35James and I abandoned our visit to the Offizie
00:15:39and escorted him out of town.
00:15:42Hammond, we could see the smoke from your tyres
00:15:44from the other side of the city.
00:15:47I know!
00:15:48Nobody in history
00:15:50has ever, ever
00:15:52donutted an Aston Martin.
00:15:54Yeah, they're not young buyers, are they?
00:15:57No, they're refined
00:15:58and cultured.
00:16:01I envy you, Hammond,
00:16:03because you get to look at my Aston Martin.
00:16:06Yeah, but there's a big problem with it visually.
00:16:09What?
00:16:10It's brown!
00:16:11It's brown!
00:16:12Sunburst orange, is what it is.
00:16:16Hey, Jeremy, I shouldn't worry.
00:16:17We all know the expression.
00:16:19Brown sky at night, shepherd's delight.
00:16:22That bloke's been done for that theft, you know.
00:16:24They got him brown-handed.
00:16:26I'm starting to imagine
00:16:28what Richard Hammond would look like
00:16:29without a head
00:16:31or skin.
00:16:33Once Hammond had finished
00:16:34rubbishing the Aston's colour,
00:16:36he started to challenge
00:16:38its performance.
00:16:42Hammond is driving along behind me now.
00:16:44Mikey wants to get past.
00:16:48Stupid boy.
00:16:50What is the top speed
00:16:52of that car of yours?
00:16:54199 miles an hour.
00:16:57Exactly.
00:16:58This will do 200,
00:17:00so back off.
00:17:02Well, yes,
00:17:03but it's 100 grand more.
00:17:04That's a very expensive mile an hour.
00:17:08Rather than get into
00:17:09a pointless war of words,
00:17:11I decided to put Hammond
00:17:13in his place
00:17:14and invited him
00:17:16to pull over here
00:17:18at the Mugello racetrack.
00:17:24Why have you brought me
00:17:25to this not-at-all cultural place?
00:17:27Because I want to teach him
00:17:29a lesson about what real speed is.
00:17:31He's got over 700 horsepower.
00:17:34Yes, I know.
00:17:34But you remember Jaws,
00:17:36big metal teeth,
00:17:36huge man.
00:17:37James Bond simply
00:17:38threw him through a window,
00:17:40and that's what I'm going to do to him.
00:17:42Do you mind if I don't take part in this?
00:17:45I'll do it.
00:17:49So, as Hammond had some new tyres fitted again,
00:17:54I took to the track
00:17:56for some sighting lamps.
00:18:02Now, let's get one thing straight
00:18:04from the start.
00:18:05Aston Martins
00:18:06are not really designed
00:18:07to do track work.
00:18:10They're designed to look good,
00:18:12and that's it.
00:18:15Yes, the chassis on this,
00:18:17the DB11,
00:18:18was developed
00:18:19by a former Lotus engineer,
00:18:21but they actually told him
00:18:22to tune it more
00:18:23for comfort
00:18:24than handling.
00:18:27That being said,
00:18:29this has
00:18:30an aluminium chassis
00:18:32and
00:18:32some aero trickery.
00:18:36The air is sucked into holes
00:18:38behind the rear windows
00:18:39and then shot out
00:18:40of a vent
00:18:42on the boot lid,
00:18:44giving me a sort of
00:18:45air rear wing.
00:18:48giving me grip.
00:18:50A lot of grip.
00:18:52And the traction control
00:18:54is simply astonishing.
00:18:56In most cars,
00:18:58it's like somebody
00:18:58hitting you on the head
00:18:59with a hammer,
00:19:00but in this,
00:19:00it's just going to be
00:19:02bloody hell fire.
00:19:03This is very, very good.
00:19:07Certainly, it's good enough
00:19:08to be able to totally destroy
00:19:11Hammond's idiotic Dodge.
00:19:16And this does not have
00:19:18a magnesium roof,
00:19:20carbon fibre prop shaft.
00:19:21The engine isn't made
00:19:22from aluminium,
00:19:23it's made from cast iron.
00:19:24And you get the impression
00:19:25that it's made from stone
00:19:26if they could.
00:19:28What it does have
00:19:29is vast reserves of power
00:19:32and even vast reserves
00:19:34on character.
00:19:35This thing is just hilarious.
00:19:43Look at him
00:19:44in his little brown Aston
00:19:46being all in control.
00:19:48He's just not having fun,
00:19:49is he?
00:19:49I mean, what's the point?
00:19:52He's so moating,
00:19:53probably thinks,
00:19:54I can't.
00:19:55Oh, I'm sorry, Hammond,
00:19:56this is a 600 horsepower
00:19:58rear wheel drive Aston Martin.
00:20:01So, I turned the traction control off
00:20:04and all hell broke loose.
00:20:21It will do this all day.
00:20:28Meanwhile...
00:20:30One of the purposes
00:20:31of the original ground tour
00:20:32wasn't just to look at things
00:20:34and learn about things,
00:20:35it was also to enhance
00:20:36your capabilities.
00:20:38You would learn to do things.
00:20:39You might do, I don't know,
00:20:41writing sonnets,
00:20:42playing musical instruments,
00:20:44regional cooking maybe.
00:20:45I'm having a go
00:20:46at watercolour painting.
00:20:48It's absolutely delightful.
00:20:50Apart from my reverie
00:20:51is occasionally interrupted
00:20:52by the disgusting bellow
00:20:55of Hammond's muscle car.
00:20:58Now, Mr Hammond
00:21:00appears to have organised
00:21:01a helicopter
00:21:02to record the event.
00:21:05Ha-ha, Clarkson!
00:21:07Get past me now!
00:21:09He's so sweet, you!
00:21:15What a moron you are, Hammond!
00:21:18Get out of my way!
00:21:23This is not a particularly
00:21:25cultural thing to do.
00:21:26But it is very good fun!
00:21:36Even though Hammond and I
00:21:38were having a big,
00:21:39smoky riot,
00:21:41we'd learned nothing at all.
00:21:43So, we decided to get
00:21:45scientific
00:21:46and do a proper,
00:21:47timed,
00:21:48flying lab.
00:22:00This matters.
00:22:02This is for Britain,
00:22:04this is for Europe.
00:22:05It's a silly business.
00:22:07Let's just get round this
00:22:08as fast as we can.
00:22:16With the flying lab completed,
00:22:18we met to compare times.
00:22:23Go on, then.
00:22:23All right, then.
00:22:24Two.
00:22:25Yes.
00:22:26Yes.
00:22:27Eighteen seconds.
00:22:29Eighteen?
00:22:30Yes.
00:22:30Why?
00:22:30What have you got?
00:22:31What have you got?
00:22:31What are you?
00:22:32Eighteen?
00:22:35You're not making that up.
00:22:36No, two minutes, eighteen.
00:22:39Point, seven, nine.
00:22:41God for that.
00:22:43I'm just crushing.
00:22:44Three, five.
00:22:46Well, it's hardly crushing, is it?
00:22:48No, because that's...
00:22:49I don't know why you accepted the challenge.
00:22:51It's less than half a second
00:22:52for your extra hundred grand.
00:22:55Well, hardly a big gloat, is it?
00:22:59It's £100,000 for half a second
00:23:02and one mile an hour top speed.
00:23:04240 years of independence
00:23:06and that's the best they can do.
00:23:09As Hannan cheered himself up
00:23:11with some doughnuts
00:23:13and then another set of tyres,
00:23:18I went to join James.
00:23:25Oh, shit.
00:23:37Did you beat him, by the way?
00:23:39Yep.
00:23:40Good man.
00:23:44As the sun slipped
00:23:46behind the Tuscan hills,
00:23:47we spent an enjoyable hour or so
00:23:50painting.
00:23:53But then...
00:24:01What are you doing?
00:24:03I'm diffusing a bomb, Hammond.
00:24:05What do you think I'm doing?
00:24:06Yeah, I'm baking a cake.
00:24:07It looks like you've painted.
00:24:08We are painting.
00:24:09Hammond then decided
00:24:11he'd like to have a go as well.
00:24:21Right.
00:24:31Soon, our art was finished.
00:24:36I think I've rushed mine.
00:24:39Still, it could be worse.
00:24:43It was difficult before I saw this
00:24:45to imagine anything more hideous
00:24:47than the actual car.
00:24:48But you've done it, Hammond.
00:24:50It's the way that you've managed
00:24:52to eradicate any sense of place.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:25:01You're twitched.
00:25:03He's twitching.
00:25:04Even when he looks at the picture
00:25:06of your car,
00:25:07he's actually twitching.
00:25:13All of the work.
00:25:14All of the work
00:25:16that Rolls Royce put into that dawn
00:25:18to make it quiet and refined
00:25:20and sublime and all those things
00:25:21you'd expect.
00:25:22It all counts for absolutely nothing
00:25:23if it's anywhere near your dodge
00:25:25because that's all you can hear.
00:25:27Hellcat.
00:25:28Do you know something about that Hellcat?
00:25:30OK, I've done some research into it.
00:25:32The Hellcat is based
00:25:33on the old Chrysler 300C.
00:25:35Underneath, it's the same car.
00:25:36And the 300C underneath
00:25:38is a 1990s Mercedes E-Class.
00:25:42So what Dodge has done with that thing,
00:25:44if they put 700 horsepower
00:25:46in a 20-year-old taxi?
00:25:48That's what it enters.
00:25:50Anyway, if you want to listen
00:25:52to two old men
00:25:53dribble on music and opera
00:25:56whilst I have fun,
00:25:58there'll be more of that later on.
00:26:00But now it's time for us
00:26:01to check our mirrors
00:26:02and make a smooth left
00:26:04into Conversation Street.
00:26:14There it is.
00:26:17Now, I have to say,
00:26:18James was very, very excited
00:26:21about coming to Whitby
00:26:22because he'd heard
00:26:22that it's the centre
00:26:23of the British jet industry.
00:26:25He was very much looking forward
00:26:26to spending a couple of days
00:26:27maybe looking at
00:26:28old drawings of Concorde.
00:26:29But then he discovered
00:26:30that Whitby jet
00:26:31is actually this.
00:26:34It looks like coal.
00:26:36It is coal.
00:26:37The thing is, though,
00:26:38they've worked out,
00:26:39obviously, you can't burn coal anymore
00:26:40because Al Gore goes nuts
00:26:41and a polar bear falls over.
00:26:43So they'd polish it up
00:26:45and then say it's precious.
00:26:47That's interesting, this,
00:26:48because I've got the blurb here
00:26:50from Whitby's oldest retailer
00:26:51of the stuff,
00:26:53and it says,
00:26:54unlike other gemstones,
00:26:57jet is actually
00:26:58fossilised wood.
00:27:00Yes, because unlike
00:27:01other gemstones,
00:27:03it's coal.
00:27:04Yeah, but...
00:27:06It's coal, isn't it?
00:27:07Unlike other gemstones,
00:27:08Hammond,
00:27:08it's a lot cheaper.
00:27:10Well, yes, it would be.
00:27:12Well, seriously, though,
00:27:13you can get a jet ring look
00:27:14for 32 quid.
00:27:15Well, you get a sack of it
00:27:16for 10 quid.
00:27:17It's coal.
00:27:18The thing is, though,
00:27:19no, we were thinking
00:27:20the other day,
00:27:20you know car makers,
00:27:21now they use, like,
00:27:22bamboo and ash and walnut
00:27:24and carbon fibre
00:27:24to decorate bits of a car.
00:27:26Why don't they use jet,
00:27:28exactly?
00:27:28Anybody would like
00:27:29to have some jet
00:27:30in their car?
00:27:31Actually, we've been doing
00:27:32a little bit of experimenting,
00:27:33I've made a prototype.
00:27:34This is a gear stick
00:27:36with a jet knob
00:27:39on the top.
00:27:40It's brilliant.
00:27:40I mean, it's not polished yet,
00:27:42but you change gear.
00:27:43It does make your hand
00:27:44a bit dirty.
00:27:45But, no,
00:27:46that's a handy reminder.
00:27:47It is.
00:27:48Exactly.
00:27:48No, you're absolutely right,
00:27:49because, you know,
00:27:49sometimes you drive
00:27:50an unfamiliar car,
00:27:51you're on the motorway,
00:27:52and you think,
00:27:52oh, did I change into sixth?
00:27:53Yeah, I did.
00:27:54It is.
00:27:56Here's some conversation.
00:27:58Oh, good.
00:27:58For Conversation Street.
00:27:59Bad news,
00:28:00there is a problem
00:28:01right now in this country.
00:28:02Not enough people
00:28:04are learning to drive.
00:28:05Seriously, in 2007,
00:28:08just over 16,000
00:28:10driving tests
00:28:10were conducted.
00:28:11Last year,
00:28:12that had dropped
00:28:12to 4,650.
00:28:15That is a true fact.
00:28:16In less than 10 years,
00:28:1716,000,
00:28:18down to 4,000.
00:28:19That's a big issue.
00:28:19And I know why.
00:28:20It's because kids
00:28:21leave school these days.
00:28:21They've no idea
00:28:22who Hitler was.
00:28:23They can't add up.
00:28:24They just know
00:28:25cars are bad.
00:28:26That's all they know.
00:28:27Cars are bad,
00:28:27cars are bad,
00:28:28cars are bad.
00:28:29And then when they do
00:28:29get out of school
00:28:30after work,
00:28:31you know,
00:28:31after school's finished,
00:28:32they go around
00:28:33and you can just see
00:28:34speed cameras
00:28:34and traffic jams
00:28:35and signs saying,
00:28:36please don't overtake cyclists.
00:28:38And they think,
00:28:38well, what's the point?
00:28:38There's no point
00:28:39learning to drive.
00:28:40I might as well
00:28:40just use Booba.
00:28:41Exactly.
00:28:42Now, if I were a carmaker,
00:28:43I would be fighting
00:28:44like a Kilkenny cat
00:28:45to make sure
00:28:46every car I made
00:28:48was as interesting
00:28:49and as amazing
00:28:50as possible,
00:28:50but instead,
00:28:51Renault,
00:28:52they give us
00:28:52a cadjar.
00:28:53How many children,
00:28:54how many children
00:28:55are going to say,
00:28:56oh,
00:28:56if I work really hard
00:28:57and get my homework done,
00:28:58one day,
00:28:58maybe I can have
00:28:59a cadjar.
00:29:00Because that's the car
00:29:02that you're up seeing.
00:29:03Well, still,
00:29:03Nissan Juke.
00:29:04You really hate the Juke.
00:29:06No, I hate it.
00:29:07He does hate it.
00:29:07No, he genuinely hates it.
00:29:09I object to it existing.
00:29:10It shouldn't exist.
00:29:12I loathe it.
00:29:13On the motorway,
00:29:14you see them
00:29:14with their stupid,
00:29:15like,
00:29:16double bug eyes.
00:29:18Smug little bug.
00:29:18If I see one,
00:29:19I'm mad,
00:29:20I can't help myself
00:29:21and it's cruel
00:29:21and I'm sorry
00:29:22if you're in one,
00:29:23but I do,
00:29:23I see them.
00:29:24I hate it.
00:29:27Because I was driving
00:29:28along with him
00:29:29the other day.
00:29:30He was busy
00:29:31telling him a story
00:29:32and he was looking
00:29:32out the window going,
00:29:33I hate him.
00:29:33I hate him.
00:29:35I hate them.
00:29:36What's the most boring car
00:29:37on sale in Britain today
00:29:38do we think?
00:29:40We're out of Rochester's.
00:29:44It's okay.
00:29:47Got that.
00:29:48Got that.
00:29:56Security,
00:29:57kill him.
00:29:59Brown Astons.
00:30:01I tell you what,
00:30:02if I were the boss
00:30:02of Volkswagen,
00:30:03I'd go and find the man
00:30:04who did,
00:30:05what's that tall golf called?
00:30:06Oh,
00:30:07the SV.
00:30:08SV,
00:30:09that's it.
00:30:10It's like a golf,
00:30:11but for people
00:30:11who have stovepipe hats
00:30:13and I would bludgeon him
00:30:14with a tyre iron
00:30:15to pick,
00:30:16why did you do that?
00:30:18Nobody wants one.
00:30:19Just to be fair,
00:30:20I think VW
00:30:20have bigger concerns
00:30:21at the moment.
00:30:23Okay,
00:30:23I want to talk about
00:30:24the Oxford Ring Road.
00:30:25I know it's miles away
00:30:26from here
00:30:26and it's miles away
00:30:27from anybody watching,
00:30:28but the thing is,
00:30:29okay,
00:30:29for the last two years,
00:30:31they've been working
00:30:32on shrinking,
00:30:33slightly shrinking,
00:30:34two roundabouts
00:30:35and putting some traffic lights up.
00:30:36Now,
00:30:36do you know
00:30:37how much the budget
00:30:38was for that job?
00:30:40Two roundabouts,
00:30:4110 grand a roundabout,
00:30:42I'd say 20 grand overall.
00:30:43Nine million pounds.
00:30:46Million.
00:30:47Nine million.
00:30:48Can you imagine
00:30:49the builder's face
00:30:50when he came out
00:30:51of that meeting?
00:30:53You're going to give me
00:30:54nine million quid
00:30:55to shrink a couple
00:30:57of roundabouts.
00:30:58Well,
00:30:58that's why it's taken him
00:30:59two years.
00:30:59He had to make it look
00:31:00like nine million quid.
00:31:03This is not a word
00:31:04of a lie.
00:31:05Nine million pounds
00:31:06would buy you
00:31:06a 30,000 square foot house,
00:31:09okay,
00:31:09like this.
00:31:10That is a nine million
00:31:12quid house
00:31:13to build.
00:31:13You're going to have
00:31:14that or two shaved
00:31:15roundabouts.
00:31:15Yes.
00:31:16For your nine million quid?
00:31:16No,
00:31:17no,
00:31:17actually no,
00:31:18because,
00:31:19and this again
00:31:19is not a word
00:31:20of a lie,
00:31:21a few months ago,
00:31:22builder man,
00:31:23and it must have
00:31:24been a bet,
00:31:25he went back
00:31:25to the council
00:31:26and he said,
00:31:27I need another
00:31:28million quid.
00:31:29And they paid.
00:31:30And they paid.
00:31:32They paid.
00:31:33He probably shuffled in,
00:31:35I broke my spade.
00:31:37Another million?
00:31:38Yeah,
00:31:38of course,
00:31:39it happened.
00:31:40Can I be crossed
00:31:41for a moment
00:31:41with BMW?
00:31:43It'll be difficult
00:31:43to stop you,
00:31:44yes.
00:31:44The thing was,
00:31:45last year,
00:31:46they introduced this,
00:31:47they showed,
00:31:47they went,
00:31:48look at that.
00:31:48And everybody went,
00:31:49that is fantastic,
00:31:51it's an homage
00:31:51to the old
00:31:53CSL Batmobile
00:31:54from 72.
00:31:55And everyone's going,
00:31:56God,
00:31:56when are you going
00:31:56to start making it?
00:31:57They said,
00:31:57no,
00:31:57no,
00:31:57we're not,
00:31:58we've just made it
00:31:58just to show you
00:31:59what we could make.
00:31:59Why do they show us?
00:32:01Just don't do that.
00:32:02Yeah,
00:32:02exactly.
00:32:03Well,
00:32:03actually,
00:32:03it doesn't matter
00:32:04because they've come up
00:32:04with something else,
00:32:05instead this look.
00:32:06This is actually
00:32:07an homage
00:32:07to the original 2002,
00:32:09which is the old car
00:32:10on the left.
00:32:10And that,
00:32:11I think,
00:32:11actually looks
00:32:13pretty fab.
00:32:13It does.
00:32:14Are they going to make it?
00:32:15No.
00:32:15Well,
00:32:16I want to show it to us then.
00:32:17Look what we could make,
00:32:18but we're not,
00:32:19it's a good job BMW
00:32:19don't run the emergency services,
00:32:21isn't it?
00:32:21Oh,
00:32:22look,
00:32:23you have drifted
00:32:23a long way
00:32:24from shore there,
00:32:25haven't you?
00:32:25We could drag you back
00:32:26behind our speedboat,
00:32:28will you?
00:32:29No,
00:32:29no,
00:32:29we just wanted you
00:32:30to know that we could.
00:32:31What they're being
00:32:32is prick teasers.
00:32:34Oh,
00:32:34you can't say that.
00:32:36I don't think you can say that.
00:32:37Not sure you can say it.
00:32:38No,
00:32:38I don't think you can say that.
00:32:39Why don't you say prick tease?
00:32:42Is it allowed today?
00:32:43Cock tease?
00:32:43That's no different.
00:32:44You've just changed the name.
00:32:46It's a different way
00:32:47of saying prick
00:32:48or dick.
00:32:48It's not a penis tease.
00:32:50It doesn't matter.
00:32:51Conversation Street's
00:32:52taking a really bad turn.
00:32:54The point I'm trying to make
00:32:55is BMW must stop doing that.
00:32:59Whatever it was.
00:33:00Now,
00:33:01if we had
00:33:02a Grand Tour medal,
00:33:04and we don't,
00:33:04but if we did,
00:33:05I know who the first recipient
00:33:07would be.
00:33:08Because we had this amazing story
00:33:10the other day.
00:33:10You know speed camera vans
00:33:12sit at the side of the road,
00:33:13black tap windows,
00:33:14civil servant sitting inside,
00:33:16watching you porn,
00:33:17okay,
00:33:17waiting to,
00:33:18that's what it is,
00:33:19waiting for someone
00:33:20to trip his camera.
00:33:21Now,
00:33:21someone the other day
00:33:22snuck up
00:33:23behind the speed cameraman,
00:33:26quietly undid
00:33:27its number plates,
00:33:28put them on his own car,
00:33:30and drove past
00:33:31at 100 miles an hour.
00:33:33I mean,
00:33:34well,
00:33:34I'm just kidding.
00:33:36Well,
00:33:36that is,
00:33:37top work.
00:33:39Absolutely.
00:33:40That is,
00:33:41top,
00:33:42top work.
00:33:42Can I talk about
00:33:43the Alfa Romeo Quadrifoglio?
00:33:44No.
00:33:45Why?
00:33:46Because we'll get back
00:33:46to our film.
00:33:48Tonight,
00:33:48we are on a grand tour
00:33:49of Italy.
00:33:50There's James in a Rolls Royce,
00:33:52Jeremy in an Aston Martin,
00:33:53and me in a Dodge Hellcat
00:33:55with two trucks full of tyres,
00:33:56so I can do donuts
00:33:57whenever I want.
00:33:58Yes,
00:33:59and we pick up the action
00:34:00on day two
00:34:01of what was becoming,
00:34:02thanks to him,
00:34:04the journey
00:34:04from hell.
00:34:11As the sun rose
00:34:13over the silent,
00:34:15misty,
00:34:15Italian countryside...
00:34:17OK, let's get these out.
00:34:21..and Hammond
00:34:22extricated his entourage
00:34:23from the hotel car park...
00:34:29James lowered the roof
00:34:31on his Rolls Royce.
00:34:37Morning.
00:34:38Morning.
00:34:38That is the silent ballet.
00:34:40There's nothing silent
00:34:41about your lorries,
00:34:42haven't you?
00:34:42No, not those.
00:34:43That's how Rolls Royce
00:34:44themselves describe
00:34:45the roof going up
00:34:46and down on there.
00:34:47In this, look.
00:34:47What, silent ballet?
00:34:48Silent ballet,
00:34:49that's what they say.
00:34:49They also talk about
00:34:50the dawn provides
00:34:51an erotic tingle
00:34:52on the skin.
00:34:54Whoa.
00:34:54Is this all their words?
00:34:55Is this all Rolls Royce?
00:34:56This is their words,
00:34:57yeah, this is their bum.
00:34:58They also say
00:34:59the car is a contemporary
00:35:00take on the casino lifestyle.
00:35:02It is intended to attract
00:35:05people.
00:35:06What sort of people?
00:35:07People.
00:35:08What, people who put
00:35:09their seatbelts on?
00:35:10Exactly.
00:35:11People who put their seatbelts
00:35:12on and off
00:35:13and relish both freedom
00:35:14and sophistication.
00:35:16Casino lifestyle.
00:35:17Casino lifestyle.
00:35:19What?
00:35:20Can we go?
00:35:21Have you got your seatbelt on?
00:35:28We then set off
00:35:30and decided to do
00:35:31a bit more road testing
00:35:32of our cars.
00:35:34I began by talking
00:35:35about the Aston Martin's
00:35:36interior.
00:35:40On the upside,
00:35:42Aston Martin
00:35:43have reprogrammed
00:35:44the Mercedes
00:35:45electronics
00:35:46so the warning
00:35:47beeps and buzzers
00:35:48are now less
00:35:49Germanic.
00:35:51If you don't put
00:35:52your seatbelt on,
00:35:53for example,
00:35:54you get a discreet
00:35:55cough
00:35:55rather than
00:35:57a klaxon
00:35:57and somebody
00:35:58shouting
00:35:59ACHT ON!
00:36:01On the downside
00:36:02is everything else.
00:36:04Now, the centrepiece
00:36:05of this dashboard
00:36:06here looks like
00:36:07a, how can I put this,
00:36:08like a lady part.
00:36:10And then
00:36:11the door lining
00:36:12here, well,
00:36:13it's just hideous.
00:36:14Looks like a footballer's
00:36:16kitchen worktop.
00:36:18It's annoying
00:36:19because I still have done
00:36:20such a good job
00:36:21with the rest of this car.
00:36:22I was staggered
00:36:24by how good it was
00:36:25at the track yesterday.
00:36:27And yet they've let it
00:36:28all down with this
00:36:29ghastly interior.
00:36:31In the Hellcat,
00:36:33Hank J. Hammondberger
00:36:34hadn't noticed
00:36:35the quality
00:36:36of the fixtures
00:36:36and fittings.
00:36:37He was too busy
00:36:39playing with the toys.
00:36:41Oh, now,
00:36:42look at all of this.
00:36:44Timers.
00:36:45Gauges.
00:36:47Oh.
00:36:49In my performance
00:36:50mode screen,
00:36:52I can measure
00:36:53g-forces,
00:36:54braking distance,
00:36:55reaction times,
00:36:56quarter mile timer,
00:36:57eighth of a mile timer,
00:36:59lapis.
00:36:59It's brilliant.
00:37:02Irrelevant twaddle.
00:37:06Irrelevant twaddle.
00:37:08Oh,
00:37:08I've just seen
00:37:09my average MPG.
00:37:11What is it?
00:37:136.6.
00:37:146.6 miles to the gallon?
00:37:18I like to think of it
00:37:19as a healthy appetite.
00:37:21How many miles to the gallon
00:37:23has your Rolls Royce
00:37:24been doing, James May?
00:37:2515.7 in the last 48 hours.
00:37:29Mine's been doing 21 miles
00:37:31to the gallon.
00:37:33Yes, because it's boring,
00:37:34and that's because it's brown.
00:37:35Oh, no.
00:37:38And with that,
00:37:39the road test ended
00:37:40and another day
00:37:41of Hammond-based
00:37:42irritation began.
00:37:45There'll be brown birds over.
00:37:49Don't they make my brown eyes brown?
00:37:52It's orange!
00:37:54You join us at another petrol station.
00:37:57I don't need any,
00:37:59but guess who does?
00:38:01This car is excellent for all my apologies.
00:38:03It's so quiet going along here,
00:38:04I can listen to the birdsong.
00:38:07Hello, James.
00:38:10Oh, for God's sake.
00:38:12Party buttons!
00:38:15Stop doing that!
00:38:18Stop it!
00:38:21Go away!
00:38:23I genuinely am worried
00:38:26about the sanity
00:38:27of Chief Inspector Dreyfus.
00:38:31Many frustrating miles later,
00:38:34we reach the next stop
00:38:36on our Grand Tour,
00:38:37the region around Modena,
00:38:39which is home to three
00:38:40of the world's greatest car makers.
00:38:46And while Hammond sped off
00:38:48to give his cultural take
00:38:49on Lamborghini's history...
00:38:51Oh, my God.
00:38:53That is pure filth.
00:38:55James and I went off
00:38:57to buy a goodbye present for him.
00:39:00I think scissor doors
00:39:01actually make me horny.
00:39:04And when he'd finished
00:39:05his Brian Sewell routine,
00:39:08we met up to hand it over.
00:39:11We have had it done for you.
00:39:14It's brilliant.
00:39:15I know.
00:39:15It's in the style, actually,
00:39:17of an 18th-century Italian artist
00:39:19called Pompeo Bertone,
00:39:21who made a pretty good living
00:39:23out of painting visiting Americans
00:39:25on the Grand Tour
00:39:26and making them look like
00:39:30refined, cultured English gentlemen.
00:39:33Yeah.
00:39:33Think of it as a souvenir
00:39:34of your trip.
00:39:35Well, thank you.
00:39:36Well, except a souvenir
00:39:37is what you get
00:39:38at the end of a trip.
00:39:39Yeah, exactly.
00:39:42Um...
00:39:43While Hammond struggled
00:39:44to get the painting
00:39:45in his car
00:39:46for the long trip
00:39:46back to England,
00:39:49James and I set off alone
00:39:51into the glory
00:39:53that is Italy.
00:39:58Oh, my word.
00:40:00Look at that view.
00:40:02Oh!
00:40:05Holy moly!
00:40:17That evening in Verona,
00:40:19we dined well
00:40:19at a Michelin-starred restaurant.
00:40:22And then we went
00:40:23to see something called Carmen,
00:40:25which wasn't at all
00:40:27what we were expecting.
00:40:54The next morning,
00:40:56we were up at first light
00:40:57to attempt another escape.
00:41:01James.
00:41:02What is wrong?
00:41:11This has a quiet start facility on
00:41:13and I don't know how it works.
00:41:18I couldn't stay.
00:41:19It's really quiet.
00:41:20You still need to be on it.
00:41:25No, Paul!
00:41:29That's amazing, isn't it?
00:41:31That's firing 80 times a second,
00:41:33roughly.
00:41:34Oh, no noise.
00:41:36I can just drive out of here.
00:41:39Oh, hello.
00:41:40Car trouble?
00:41:42Yeah.
00:41:43Typical Aston, you see.
00:41:44It's broken down.
00:41:45Anyway, look,
00:41:46you haven't got long
00:41:46to get it going
00:41:46because I'm going to be down again
00:41:47in a second, changed
00:41:48and ready to roll.
00:41:57Whilst Hammond was upstairs
00:41:59chiseling off his sweat,
00:42:01James and I made a run for it.
00:42:04And in case he caught up with us
00:42:06on the motorway,
00:42:08we took some precautions.
00:42:11This is the work of a genius.
00:42:15We are now protected,
00:42:17Mr Hammond, completely.
00:42:25James' head was a bit of a problem
00:42:27with this plan,
00:42:28but we've solved it.
00:42:32Don't worry if you don't
00:42:33recognise me, viewers.
00:42:35It's me.
00:42:36The question was,
00:42:37would Richard Hammond recognise him?
00:42:40Here comes Richard Hammond now.
00:42:41Just look straight ahead.
00:42:43Look straight ahead.
00:42:44And the answer was?
00:42:46Not looking.
00:42:50Oh, God, he's waving at me.
00:42:55Well, he's clocked us, hasn't he?
00:42:58I think you're off
00:42:59getting stone chips
00:43:00and cooking like that.
00:43:02Mayday, mayday.
00:43:03I'm disintegrating.
00:43:07Whilst James unwrapped himself
00:43:09and Richard filled up
00:43:10through his ruined present,
00:43:12I had another brainwave.
00:43:15I'm going to lead him
00:43:16into the centre of Vicenza, yeah?
00:43:18Yes.
00:43:20I've sent out a tweet
00:43:21and I've put this on Facebook
00:43:22saying that Richard Hammond
00:43:23will be appearing
00:43:24in the main square, okay?
00:43:26Yes.
00:43:26So he gets out,
00:43:28he's mobbed.
00:43:29Yes.
00:43:30We Scarpa.
00:43:31Very good.
00:43:32I like it.
00:43:33Have you done it in Italian?
00:43:34Yes.
00:43:35Yeah, good.
00:43:35The only thing is,
00:43:36I've made a slight mistake.
00:43:37I have actually said here
00:43:38that Richard Hammond will be,
00:43:39I wanted to say appearing,
00:43:40but I've put exhibiting himself.
00:43:44Well, I've got a crowd.
00:43:50Back on the move,
00:43:51I put my plan into action.
00:43:54I thought we'd turn off
00:43:56the motorway here, Hammond.
00:43:58Vicenza's got a donutting area in it.
00:44:01Is it?
00:44:02Yep, no old statues.
00:44:04There's Starbucks,
00:44:06McDonald's,
00:44:06Dunkin' Donuts.
00:44:08I'm right, aren't I, James?
00:44:10I think they've got
00:44:11an American football team,
00:44:12haven't they,
00:44:13in Vicenza?
00:44:14Yeah, the Vicenza Red Bears.
00:44:16OK.
00:44:18We'll have a little mooch about.
00:44:22Soon, we were approaching
00:44:24the centre of the town.
00:44:26I just need a crowd
00:44:28big enough
00:44:29to keep him occupied
00:44:30for 20 minutes.
00:44:33I don't know how many people
00:44:33will have read my tweet.
00:44:36A couple of hundred.
00:44:39I was nearly right.
00:44:45Oh, my God.
00:44:52This has gone really wrong.
00:44:55This has gone so
00:44:59spectacularly wrong.
00:45:07Oh, my word.
00:45:09Hello.
00:45:10Is there an event on?
00:45:13It's Mr Hammond
00:45:15you're looking for.
00:45:18Mr Hammond is in the Dodge.
00:45:22Oh, this is unnerving.
00:45:25Is it always this busy here?
00:45:27What's going on today?
00:45:33Look at that.
00:45:34We're free.
00:45:35And Hammond is stuck.
00:45:39Yes.
00:45:40Yes.
00:45:41We're out.
00:45:43Hammond is doomed.
00:45:45He's doomed.
00:45:48Leaving Hammond
00:45:49in what he thought
00:45:50was the muscle car capital
00:45:51of Italy.
00:45:54They like a rev.
00:45:55They do like a rev here.
00:45:57James and I
00:45:58headed out of town.
00:46:01Right.
00:46:01Good.
00:46:01Venice.
00:46:02I think it's fair to say
00:46:11that this entire trip
00:46:13has been a total disaster.
00:46:15but the Aston Martin
00:46:17has been the complete opposite.
00:46:21It was much, much better
00:46:23than I thought it was going to be
00:46:24on the track.
00:46:26It's staggeringly civilized
00:46:27and quiet on the road.
00:46:28It really is a superb
00:46:30grand tourer.
00:46:32And it is achingly pretty.
00:46:35Especially with this
00:46:36beautiful orange paintwork.
00:46:40Jeremy may have been
00:46:42won over by his brown Aston
00:46:44but I was truly smitten
00:46:46with the Rolls-Royce.
00:46:49What is it about a Rolls-Royce?
00:46:51A lot of people would say
00:46:52this isn't a car lover's car.
00:46:55It's not sporty.
00:46:56It's not dynamic.
00:46:57It doesn't have any modes
00:46:58for you to set.
00:46:59You can't even change the gears.
00:47:00You can only put it in
00:47:01forward or reverse.
00:47:03And yet,
00:47:04I think this is a car
00:47:06for people who love cars
00:47:08because it gives you
00:47:08an entirely different
00:47:10driving experience.
00:47:11There is no other car
00:47:12that's quite like a Rolls-Royce.
00:47:14No other car that
00:47:15cossets you in the same way.
00:47:17This is a car that is
00:47:18kind to you.
00:47:20I think it is actually
00:47:22impossible to be unhappy
00:47:23if you're driving this car.
00:47:24And look at some of the things
00:47:25I've had to put up with.
00:47:26Richard Hammond,
00:47:27Richard Hammond,
00:47:28Richard Hammond,
00:47:29the Dodge Hellcat.
00:47:29Richard Hammond,
00:47:30the Dodge Hellcat.
00:47:31And I'm still happy.
00:47:35As we arrived in Venice,
00:47:37we were in good spirits.
00:47:41And the next morning
00:47:42we did what all our predecessors
00:47:44on the Grand Tour
00:47:45would have done.
00:47:46We took in the sights
00:47:48from the water.
00:47:53So nice without Hammond.
00:47:55Dinner last night.
00:47:57Nice to be able to order food
00:47:58without somebody going,
00:47:59yes, but have you got any chips?
00:48:00Yeah.
00:48:01Where's the ketchup?
00:48:04He's never, ever going to
00:48:05get out of that square.
00:48:06I mean, never.
00:48:07Oh, I assume he's been
00:48:08crushed to death by that
00:48:09or torn apart.
00:48:12Have you seen that?
00:48:13Yeah.
00:48:14You're a moron.
00:48:15An inappropriate
00:48:16brown pallet,
00:48:18orange.
00:48:20Is that allowed around here?
00:48:21I'm surprised, actually.
00:48:24Bugs!
00:48:26What a yacht.
00:48:27I thought the Hellcat was there.
00:48:30Hammond?
00:48:31No.
00:48:34That's really inappropriate,
00:48:36but don't do that.
00:48:36Hammond, stop it.
00:48:37Don't do that, Hammond.
00:48:42Who's on me?
00:48:43Who's the donut?
00:48:44Hammond, stop it!
00:48:46Whoa.
00:48:47Yeah!
00:48:49What a donut!
00:48:50Stop it!
00:48:54Yeah!
00:48:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:48:55Whoa!
00:48:58Hammond!
00:49:00Hammond!
00:49:10And...
00:49:11Will you do it again next year?
00:49:12Next year?
00:49:13Do it again next year?
00:49:14Next year?
00:49:16Not only did you knock us
00:49:19into the sewage-infested waters of Venice,
00:49:22you cut the present we gave you in half ah no hang on a minute no it was only like
00:49:28a two-piece
00:49:28jigsaw puzzle and i put it back together again look there it is see perfect hammond yes art
00:49:34galleries do not sort artworks in half just to get them up the stairs you moron anyway listen
00:49:42before we move on can i just say something about that aston martin not to wind you two up i
00:49:46genuinely
00:49:46mean that it's an amazing i know the steering wheel is square and it was brown yes and i know
00:49:52the interior wasn't very nice but genuinely it's affected me it's been living up here
00:49:57ever since i got back and talking of up here it's now time to play celebrity brain crash
00:50:11yes it's time for a top celebrity to try their hand at our fearsome test of skill coordination
00:50:19and observation now so far i should explain no celebrity has actually made it to the tent no
00:50:26they've all died yes but our fingers are crossed for this week because our guest is a huge star
00:50:34you'll have seen him in mission impossible star trek sean of the dead hot fuzz and he's here to
00:50:43talk about his new movie spielberg movie ready player one ladies and gentlemen we've got simon pegg
00:50:53there he is there he is ladies and gentlemen with his cornetto he's battled aliens he's battled
00:51:03zombies he should have no problem at all with a short stroll through this pretty little town things
00:51:08of all his films it's paul that i like best i think that stands out because paul was the forerunner
00:51:12of
00:51:12ted really think about it was first it came first it's hot fuzz it's hot fuzz for me it's just
00:51:17because
00:51:17of the fight scene there he is he's on the bridge looks like he's been hassled by seagulls
00:51:23they're after his cornetto i think yeah they're after his come on oh
00:51:32oh god literally nothing we can do we're going to get a reputation
00:51:38does that mean he's not coming on then well james he fell into the harbor and the icy waters of
00:51:43the
00:51:43north sea and now filling his lungs it's a no he's not coming on oh god well look i
00:51:54i anticipated something like this did you yes and so i prepared something else we can do to fill the
00:52:01time it's this okay you know google have been trying to build a a self-driving car for seven
00:52:07years they've been at it got a picture of it here it's absolutely hideous and i was thinking well how
00:52:12hard can it be oh god 10 days ago i thought well i'll give it a bash okay and i've
00:52:18already finished
00:52:19it have you yes it's here is it yes it's here let's bring it out it's phone operated so um
00:52:24hang on
00:52:25what no here it comes right forwards forwards please try not to be distracted by the harrowing scenes
00:52:34of left left straight the harrowing scenes of simon's lifeless corpse being fished
00:52:42from the harbor i know that's upsetting for some people right okay we need to make a bit of a
00:52:47hole
00:52:47in the crowd back here because i'm going to bring it into the tent studio so you can see how
00:52:51brilliant
00:53:08it's not brilliant it's hideous is what it is how can you say it's hideous i've copied google styling
00:53:17completely is that a septic tank yes it is cut in half and then i've mounted on the top
00:53:25this chaise longue so the owner can recline in great comfort yeah yeah how does it actually work
00:53:32brilliantly down here very small little camera that feeds a view of the road ahead to the system
00:53:39inside what system well there's bonnets here come around i'll show you the the gubbins ready there it
00:53:46is well it's just a man it's just a man in there but it is no no
00:54:01not just a man this is a romanian man i am providing employment for newcomers to our country
00:54:09oh god what do you mean oh god think about it google yes google they use electronics to take away
00:54:16the work of a man this gives him a job it gives him dignity dignity yes dignity
00:54:23it's a bit feudal it's a bit brilliant is what it is let me close the bonnet i'm going to
00:54:28go for my
00:54:28first ever drive i'll go to foot of our stairs here which is a yorkshire expression great thing is
00:54:34it's so easy to get in and out of you know look there i am and now i don't need
00:54:40the phone i can use my
00:54:41speaking to you oh god there's a man in there what's romanian for backwards in now you pee i think
00:54:50in the yuppie it is obviously spying this is evil google hasn't made it work i have
00:54:56in it backwards i'll just stick to english backwards backwards
00:55:04british engineering ladies and gentlemen with romanian parts what a combination that is
00:55:20what a combination of the mclaren p1 and he said it on the television that if his mclaren p1 wasn't
00:55:41faster than hammer's portion 918 or my ferrari the ferrari we could knock his house down well it
00:55:48wasn't so one weekend when jeremy was away we well roll the tape this is it 200 years old and
00:55:58built from
00:55:59beautiful cotswold stone now i want to make it absolutely clear that this is jeremy clarkson's
00:56:06actual house yeah it really is i'd swear to my children's lives on that it's jeremy's house
00:56:11he bought it when he fell in love with the view it is a lovely view actually it is be
00:56:16even better
00:56:16soon without a house in it
00:56:20our plan was to smash the place down with some big demolition equipment but there was a problem
00:56:31in this country you can't knock a house down if the council find evidence of bats living in it well
00:56:38they did and now we've been told we've got to take the roof off quietly and by hand to give
00:56:43the bats
00:56:43the chance to go and live elsewhere james i can't help but notice i am doing all of the work
00:56:50here yeah
00:56:50you're gonna have to i don't like it it's just a ladder it's a simple enough thing to operate
00:56:56climate not if you're me it's not how many bats are there one one yes a bat just kill it
00:57:03we'll get
00:57:03a prison mate we can't well just because that little winged mouse bastard is hanging upside down
00:57:08and they're feeling smug with himself because i'm up this ladder we can't knock the house down yeah we've
00:57:12got to do it no choice so get up here and get on with it hammond i hate i hate
00:57:17heights you know i
00:57:17i hate ladders i hate bats many hours later and with no help at all from spider-man the roof
00:57:26was
00:57:27finally off and the bat was free to move but would it why doesn't it go and live in there
00:57:33because let's
00:57:34be honest that's perfect if you're a bat yeah well it might but it's got to decide to do so
00:57:39can we encourage it yes james why don't you go and stand in that barn and squeak in a sultry
00:57:45and
00:57:45erotic manner that night spider-man stood in the barn squeaking in a sultry and erotic manner
00:57:56and the bat eventually succumbed so the next morning we were ready to go
00:58:18this thing really works this rocks oh my word at this rate we'd be done and dusted in no time
00:58:27however my fornickety colleague had an issue
00:58:32hammond what stop what stop you don't just smash it to pieces you're supposed to sort of dismantle
00:58:39it and leave it in neat puzzles it's all going to be tidied up you can't just leave it like
00:58:42that
00:58:43it's actually quicker if you do it methodically oh god only you would say that neat piles of bits of
00:58:48the house that then can be carted away you need to work on that bit and that bit to start
00:58:52with then
00:58:52the rest of it will fall down neatly into a heat how can you make even this boring it's not
00:58:56boring
00:58:57it's the way it's that i've watched it done that's how you do it you don't just smash it up
00:59:01i'll do it
00:59:02james then commandeered my machine so i got another one and carried on regardless
00:59:25it's like winning one of those things at the fair thanks to me at least progress was being made
00:59:31however you stuck on something
00:59:39oh oh i've broken my digger oh dear with me out of action and james achieving nothing
00:59:48a new approach was needed but first we had to clear the site of jeremy's most treasured possessions
00:59:57shakira shakira shakira oh that is a strong image it's a tiny doll with pins in it and your face
01:00:17well look this is his photo album it's probably really precious oh it's a bit disturbing what
01:00:28they're all of me yep at this point we decided not to clear the site of his treasured possessions
01:00:36and moved swiftly to plan b short ceremony say a few words nah
01:01:03that got it
01:01:19so let's just get this straight you blew up that picture of me on the horse yep
01:01:27yep
01:01:30and on that terrible disappointment it's time to end thanks for watching see you next week
01:01:39so
01:01:40and
01:01:41so
01:01:44and
01:01:50and
01:01:55so
01:01:57and
01:01:59and
01:02:01and
01:02:04and
01:02:05and
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