- 7 weeks ago
First broadcast 7th October 2011.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Johnny Vegas
Sarah Millican
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Johnny Vegas
Sarah Millican
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:07And welcome to QI for a show that's all about insects and other invertebrates.
00:13Let me introduce our completely spineless panel.
00:16Busy as a bee, Jimmy Carr.
00:22Snug as a bug, Sarah Millican.
00:29Knee-high to a grasshopper, Johnny Vegas.
00:36And banging his head fruitlessly against a window, Alan Davis.
00:44So, before we begin, we should hear your buzzes, Jimmy goes.
00:49Oh, that's annoying.
00:52Sarah goes.
00:57Johnny goes.
01:02And Alan goes.
01:05Dick!
01:08Now, don't forget, there are some questions to which nobody knows the answer.
01:14Nobody knows.
01:15That's right.
01:15And if you play your nobody knows joker to a question to which nobody knows the answer, you get extra
01:20points.
01:21If you use it at the wrong time, you're going to look like a bit of a tit.
01:23So, I want to talk to question one.
01:26Right.
01:29What's the point?
01:31What do bees do better than dogs?
01:37Yes, Jimmy?
01:39Make honey?
01:40Make honey?
01:41That is probably true.
01:43I have to say.
01:44Probably true.
01:45Yeah, probably true.
01:46You're giving me probably on making honey.
01:48Okay, fine.
01:49That's the way you want to play it.
01:50I'll give you that one.
01:51But, thank you very much.
01:53I'm currently in the league.
01:54Yeah.
01:57They're better at sneaking up on you than dogs are.
01:59Like, you would never know if a bee had sniffed your crotch, would you?
02:03Well, you might not, there'd be a buzzing noise, but oddly enough, you've used a word in there.
02:08Is that crotch?
02:10No.
02:12Sniffing.
02:12Sniffing.
02:14Sniffing.
02:14We use dogs to sniff, to sniffing and customs and for security.
02:19Sniffer bees.
02:19For explosives and for drugs, and do you know what, it takes a dog about three months
02:24at least to be trained to be a sniffer dog.
02:27It takes a bee ten minutes.
02:30All you have to do is put it in a box, all right, add the smell and some sugar simultaneously,
02:36do that a few times and it will instantly associate that smell with sugar and a reward,
02:41and then next time it comes across that smell, its proboscis will come out, and if you set
02:46it all up right, it will cause an alarm.
02:48So why aren't we in airports, killing bees then?
02:50It's beginning to happen, is it?
02:52Unless drug dealers have an allergy to stings, I can't see them being pinned up against the
02:57wall by a policeman, with a bee and a bit of, you know, like kite twine.
03:06There's a company called InSentinel, which has developed this, and it is beginning to
03:10be used by the military and by airports and by various others, and you pop a bee in a little
03:15box and you train it.
03:16That's not a little box, that's like the worst rucksack ever invented.
03:21What if they like savoury stuff?
03:23You know, what if they just haven't got much of a sweet tooth?
03:27The great thing about bees is they only like sugar.
03:30But there may be a rogue bee that likes meat or salami, and that would be useless.
03:35Pasties.
03:36Pasties, for example.
03:36And he wouldn't be able to do that as a job.
03:38A Cornish bee.
03:39Yeah.
03:40You shove a few in a box, and then you waft them near the thing that you want to check.
03:46There it is.
03:47It's not a bad idea, because that was always the old joke about the best way to smuggle
03:51drugs would be, obviously, in a dog's bum.
03:53Because when the sniffer dogs come through, as soon as the dog goes, you just go, come
04:01here you naughty doggy.
04:02With bees, how much could you get in a bees bum?
04:05Very little.
04:05Very little.
04:06My dad once punched a bee.
04:09Punched a bee?
04:10Yeah, it sort of went for him, and it was huge, so he just punched it.
04:15So, you know, he said it was like a velvet tennis ball.
04:19That's a rather beautiful phrase, velvet tennis balls of the sky.
04:23I like that he was thinking of such poetic things while he was punching a bee.
04:28And bees are valuable, and as we know, they're in trouble.
04:30There seems to be this thing.
04:31That one was.
04:33I'm going to offer you a reward.
04:35I've got, I've got a plate here of insect-related foods, Sarah, and you can choose your reward.
04:40This is a lolly, which has got ants in it.
04:44This is a scorpion brittle, like a peanut brittle, and it's got a scorpion in it, and if you can
04:48see it.
04:49Or just some dried bugs here.
04:52Can I have one of those?
04:52And where's the treat part?
04:55Chocolate ant.
04:56Would you like a chocolate ant?
04:57I'll suck it.
04:59Would you?
04:59Would you like?
05:00No.
05:01Are you going to risk any one of these?
05:03I'll have a look at them.
05:04If I had a chocolate ant, would you have one?
05:07I'll let you go first.
05:33I'll eat it.
05:34If that's a new range of pickle mix, no wonder what these went under it.
05:38Well, do you know, the thing is, it may well be the world is going to turn towards this kind
05:42of food, because 2.5 billion of the world's population already regularly eats insects.
05:47Is that just by mistake when you're on a bike?
05:49No.
05:51These are treats, and it may well be that it will solve the problem.
05:55By the year 2030, they reckon there will be such a shortage of protein on the planet that there will
06:02be a genuine problem of starvation.
06:04There's already a problem of starvation on the planet, as we know, but that it will multiply enormously as the
06:09population increases.
06:11And insects and other invertebrates may be the answer.
06:13Spider's genius, isn't it?
06:14Because they're like chicken legs, but they've got loads of them.
06:16Yeah.
06:17What do you think of the advantages of eating and breeding insects for food?
06:22You get to pretend to be a giant.
06:26A giant of commerce.
06:28And you can train them all to come and exercise in the morning in front of you and get them
06:32to build tiny cars.
06:33Well, there is that.
06:36And I say, call me Johnny Nissan.
06:41In the wild, when they lay eggs, they lay billions of eggs, don't they?
06:45But only a few of them survive.
06:46But if you've got them in it, you can have all billion of them.
06:49Yeah, exactly.
06:50And they need far less feed than cattle.
06:52They produce far less noxious gas than cattle.
06:55How would you contain insect equivalent of foot and mouth?
07:03That would be a problem.
07:04Have you been there to fly?
07:06Yes, leave the airport.
07:09If you're trying to sort of get this as an idea, you know, this could solve starvation,
07:12could you maybe pick a picture of a guy that looks less nuts?
07:18If you're trying to market it, because if he's meant to be Captain Bird's Eye of the insect world,
07:22he couldn't look any creepier.
07:25He looks as if he's auditioning to play the master in the original Doctor Who, doesn't he?
07:28Even the frame of the picture looks like you're about to black out.
07:33Another spider.
07:36They're good for you.
07:39My vocal cords are slamming off.
07:43There is no reason not to.
07:45I expect you to die, Mr. Bond.
07:49Sorry.
07:50Shrimp is essentially the same thing, isn't it?
07:52It's just in the sea.
07:54Exactly.
07:54You'd go, well, they are delicious.
07:56We eat shrimp if there's a special on at Iceland.
08:01Excuse me.
08:02Take a moment.
08:04Let's see how's that at the ocean now.
08:11Oh, no, they're delicious.
08:12Because they can solve the problems of starvation by killing your soul.
08:17I have got a problem in my throat, I will give you.
08:19Look at that man looming over you, going, at last.
08:23I got you, Fry.
08:26Maybe that was a mistake.
08:27There's one brave ant.
08:28What we're going to do, we're going to cover you in chocolate.
08:31We're going to put you in front of Stephen Fry.
08:34You're going to go down there, you're going to sort things out.
08:36Once you're inside, release it.
08:38I've eaten those, they've got a terrible bitter aftertaste.
08:41The smoked insects, the plants.
08:43I had them at Bug World in Liverpool.
08:45Were you supposed to eat them?
08:47Because isn't that...
08:47No, you can eat them at the end.
08:50Yeah, exactly.
08:50Is it shut now?
08:51Because you ate everything.
08:52Well, that...
08:54That giant snail was a mistake.
08:57Not like a burger.
09:02No, you're offered a bit at the end.
09:04But then you're not meant to go on a friend's and go back and break all the other...
09:07With a different hat on every time.
09:09Yeah, like a zoo where there's a buffet on the way out.
09:13Panda Burger anyone?
09:15You've got the Natural History Museum just lifting the cases.
09:25I've also got acid reflux, I have to say.
09:28I've won the land.
09:30Here am I supposed to be advertising it as the future of humanity.
09:33And I have to say...
09:34We've got some way to go.
09:35I feel like shit at the moment.
09:38This is really...
09:39It has not gone damn well.
09:43Um...
09:44There's a meat marketing board and watching this and go...
09:46Die!
09:47Die!
09:51Talking of bees and dogs though...
09:53I do tell them.
09:53Do you know the premier site on the internet for dogs that are dressed as bees?
09:59Do you know the...
10:00The best one?
10:01Yeah, the best one.
10:02Which is my favourite or the most popular one?
10:04Yeah.
10:06BeeDogs.
10:06BeeDogs.com
10:07Can you imagine a bee flying back and going...
10:09I've found the queen!
10:12I've found the mother of all queens!
10:16I've got a little extra question for you.
10:17I was getting off your reward of a chocolate animal.
10:19I just suspect there'd be no takers.
10:20I think I've got...
10:21I've got a leg stuck between my teeth.
10:25There are six to get stuck.
10:26Hundreds of mints coming across the street.
10:29Um...
10:29How can you tell if your dog has a guilty conscience?
10:33Is there a particular...
10:35Oh...
10:36Look at that boxer.
10:37Your slippers are full.
10:38Your slippers are full.
10:40Your slippers are full.
10:41It's trying to put it in a nice wee bit of shit.
10:42I know what you mean.
10:44I know what you're saying.
10:47I think they go in the opposite direction.
10:48What a dog does with a guilty conscience is make a massive fuss of you.
10:53Ah, that's a very interesting...
10:54More than usual.
10:55So to try and make you love it and to make up for you?
10:57I thought that was husbands.
10:59And when you say a guilty conscience, do they have a...
11:02I mean, do they feel...
11:02Well, that's the point.
11:03The answer should have been nobody knows.
11:05That people who own dogs think they can recognise a guilty look in their dog.
11:10But in fact they've done a number of tests in which they have told their owner their dog's done this
11:15particular thing.
11:16And the owner has said, oh yes, that's its guilty look.
11:18I recognise that.
11:20And in fact it hasn't done anything wrong at all.
11:22It's all in the mind of the owner.
11:24I've still got a little scaly something in the back of my throat.
11:27Oh!
11:28Oh, it's like...
11:28Have a bit of scorpion brittle to take it.
11:32I was so looking forward to being brave and butch and taking this insect...
11:36Mmm!
11:37Yes!
11:37They're faulty.
11:38So dogs don't have any sort of moral...
11:40There it is.
11:40Oh, a little wing casing or something.
11:42Oh!
11:43Very unpleasant.
11:45Most dogs can identify gilting people.
11:48Yes, can they?
11:49They probably can, can't they?
11:51Certainly at airports but bees are better at it.
11:53Yes.
11:54That's very good.
11:56Now why aren't there any vegan Venus flytraps?
12:00Yeah, yeah.
12:01Sarah?
12:02Maybe there are.
12:03But people don't invite them round for dinner because it's too complicated.
12:10That's a very good answer.
12:13Would you like a reward?
12:14No, thank you.
12:17Vegan?
12:18Yes.
12:19I mean, I...
12:20Or vegetarian.
12:20No, I'm not alright.
12:22Suppose a leaf fell in.
12:23Why don't they eat the leaf?
12:25Because hasn't it got to...
12:26I had one of these when I was a kid.
12:28Hasn't it got to hit two of them within a certain time frame for it to go?
12:31Absolutely right.
12:32They have a sort of time system on these tiny hairs.
12:35You can see it here.
12:36So you hit...
12:36Poor little thing.
12:37And that...
12:38And then it just does another movement and bang.
12:41And it is really...
12:42Do you know what the coolest thing about them is?
12:44When that closes...
12:45Yeah.
12:45That bit there is the stomach.
12:48Yeah.
12:48It just closes really tight and then that becomes the stomach.
12:51And all the digestive juices exactly absorb the poor little Anna.
12:54As a design fault then, if...
12:56If you were one of those plants and you were starving,
13:00but you technically had a mouth full of lettuce...
13:02Yes.
13:03It would never know.
13:05No.
13:06It would starve to death.
13:07It would.
13:08Rather than eat a salad.
13:09It would.
13:10Because the salad would move in the right way.
13:13You have so much in common with these.
13:14Yeah.
13:18If you fell asleep next to one of them for long enough...
13:22Yes.
13:23And it closed on your finger...
13:26Would it be able to digest part of your finger?
13:31I'm going to send you one and you will do the experiment for me.
13:35And let us know.
13:36You could try a knob as well.
13:37It would be funnier.
13:39Why not?
13:41In the cause of science.
13:42I couldn't...
13:45It would be a penis flytrap.
13:51Well, we'll see.
13:52Considering it.
13:56There are other exciting ways of catching insects.
13:59You know the South American bolus?
14:01Like a sling that you swing round like a sling?
14:04Yeah.
14:04There's a spider that does the same thing to catch insects.
14:08There, look at that.
14:10It's very clever.
14:10It swings this kind of...
14:12That's not real, it's just a drawing.
14:13That I admit...
14:15I admit we don't actually have photo evidence.
14:18I'll tell you why you don't have photo evidence.
14:20Because you made out...
14:21There's not even a good picture of a spider.
14:23That isn't even a good spider.
14:24That is like...
14:25And it's a heart-shaped thing.
14:27You started off doing a heart.
14:28It was probably a love letter.
14:29And then you went, I'll tell you what,
14:30I'm going to put some legs on it.
14:31I'm very sorry.
14:32But do look it up somewhere on the net.
14:34I'm sure you'll find a photograph of the bolus spider.
14:37And he's doing this, isn't he?
14:38He makes a sort of lasso.
14:39He lassoos in the...
14:41Yeah.
14:41And then he does...
14:43Yee-haw!
14:44He stunts it.
14:45That's right.
14:46It does seem crazy, but nature is crazy.
14:48And then he drinks in a saloon.
14:49Yes.
14:51What's the best way to charm a worm?
14:55There's a worm.
14:57What would you charm a worm?
14:59Tap.
14:59Tap the surface to...
15:00Because when it rains they come up.
15:02So birds do that when they jump up and down
15:04and make a noise like rain and then they come up.
15:06Yes.
15:07Actually what they think is that there's a mole nearby.
15:11And the earthworm's way of escaping from a mole is to come to the surface
15:13because obviously the moles don't come up.
15:15So there are...
15:16Are they not friends?
15:17I imagine they were good friends.
15:18No.
15:18Moley and...
15:19In my...
15:19Not friends.
15:21Well...
15:22I'm going to stop you there.
15:22Moley and eating wormy.
15:23I'm going to stop you there because in my mind they're quite good friends.
15:26And then if on the ground they have a terrific little time.
15:28I can't think of it.
15:29I don't know.
15:30Could you charm a worm with a tiny flute?
15:34Well...
15:35It's good you should say this because worm charming is a big...
15:38I won't say industry exactly but it's a big pastime both in America and in this country.
15:42There's the commercial side of it because...
15:45Oh for God's sake.
15:47I know.
15:49I know you've got your get a life look on.
15:52No really.
15:55And I do know what you mean.
15:57But...
15:57I really have.
15:58There's nothing that discernible is there?
16:00You don't only go hi you've got lovely...
16:03What do you mean charming them in that sense?
16:05They've got a little saddle in the middle.
16:06That can be attractive.
16:07Yeah but that's that myth isn't it?
16:09That that's where they've been cut in half.
16:11Oh we see and regrown.
16:12Yes.
16:12Yes.
16:13Something happened between.
16:14You can chop them in half.
16:15You can do it with any animal.
16:16Yeah but they don't join back.
16:19They don't join back in.
16:22No they can't.
16:22It's a myth that they can.
16:24But in America they call it grunting this worm charming.
16:26And it's reasonably big business because Americans love to fish.
16:29And obviously bait shops need worms as well as maggots.
16:32So...
16:32That girl in the foreground is tapping the ground with a flip flop.
16:36She is.
16:36She's got flip flops on.
16:37She's taken extra flip flops.
16:40Well...
16:40She's only done it to annoy you.
16:42It just looks like a car boot sale where everyone's forgot the cars.
16:54What it is.
16:55Is in Britain the sport if I can call it that.
16:57You may not.
16:58Involves dozens of competitors.
17:00Oh my god.
17:02She's got a worm on her t-shirt.
17:03She's got a worm on her shirt.
17:05Oh bless her.
17:06I don't know if that's a worm.
17:07I don't think we should look at that.
17:08Oh dear.
17:08You have to lure as many worms as you can in 30 minutes.
17:13With a recorder?
17:14Well with anything you choose.
17:16You can just tap the...
17:17Why the time constraint?
17:18Is that because it's just your own day release?
17:21Well...
17:22Possibly the low point was in Woodhall.
17:25The Woodhall Worm Charming Festival in Lincolnshire.
17:28None of the entrants in August 2010 managed to lure a single worm.
17:34This is the...
17:34This is the Worm Charming Festival isn't it?
17:37Were those people inside at the time?
17:39Were they in a building?
17:41No.
17:42It was raining.
17:43It had to do with the church hall.
17:49I'm getting nothing.
17:51No.
17:52Especially rubbish.
17:54How did they decide to win it if nobody actually lured anyone?
17:58Well, a spokesman said they were all winners because they raised more than £200 for the Woodhall Spa Twinning Association.
18:06I don't know who Woodhall is twinned with.
18:09I don't think it's twinned with anyone.
18:10Some Russian psychiatric unit.
18:13Why has she got a string on her fork?
18:15What's going on with these things?
18:16So she knows that that's her fork, like when you're at the airport?
18:19With your pierce cone on, you put a ribbon on, don't you?
18:22At least when you go train spotting, there are trains.
18:27That's the next thing, the train spotters are stood on the hill going, losers!
18:33They're alive!
18:37Oh dear, it's true.
18:40Keep digging, Cynthia, they're only jealous.
18:43Well, the fact is, yes, you can vibrate worms to the surface by pretending to be a mole.
18:49Now, when would you go out with a bucket full of ladybirds?
18:52What about if you had a bit of spare time and your hobby was collecting ladybirds?
18:58Yes.
18:58Does that work?
18:59It might, but why do we like ladybirds?
19:01Don't they kill, er...
19:03Greenfly?
19:04Greenfly, yeah.
19:04They're very good pest control animals.
19:07Are you sure they're not pests?
19:08I think they might be.
19:09Well, they're a pest if you're an aphid, obviously, but as far as we're concerned...
19:13I thought you said if you were an atheist.
19:18That's a fantastic idea.
19:21Ladybirds, proving the existence of God again, right?
19:25Must be a God, because they're so adorable.
19:27Exactly.
19:29Um, well, they're sold on the internet to gardeners, and the idea is that they help you with your aphid
19:35control problem, but...
19:36Sorry, they're all alive in a bucket, you can just get them...
19:39Yeah, you can...
19:39There's all kinds of insects you can buy.
19:41You can buy...
19:42I remember buying from...
19:42For a conservatory, you can buy a gall wasps, I think they were.
19:46There was some sort of pest I had in a conservatory.
19:49Did they just ring the bell?
19:50And two wasps turned up?
19:53We were there about the aphids.
19:56Where'd you want us?
19:58But it's...
19:59I don't know.
19:59Ladybirds are very helpful, obviously.
20:01But the problem with them is, if you order them on the internet and you get a bucket full,
20:05if you release them, they'll simply fly away.
20:09So, there's a secret to it, you release them at night, because they don't fly at night.
20:13So you release them into your garden at night, and they'll go to work and do what they can.
20:16Then during the day they may fly away, but they may by then have eaten quite a lot of your
20:19aphids.
20:20Why don't they fly at night?
20:22Do we know?
20:22They just, they prefer not to.
20:23I don't know.
20:24I'll see where they're going.
20:25We don't have an answer to that.
20:26My mum used to be like that, driving.
20:28I don't like it.
20:29Why not just go to them individually and sort of break a bit of wing?
20:33And then keep them in your garden.
20:35Well, you do want them to fly a bit.
20:37Oh, that's like...
20:38Well, that's actually I said break a bit.
20:39I didn't say smash both of them.
20:41That's like the insight.
20:42Breaking a bit so they can have a bit of aspirational flight, but they can't escape.
20:47That's cool.
20:47Well, I haven't paid for them online.
20:49It's not like I go picking on random ladybirds, is it?
20:53It's slavery is what it is.
20:54No.
20:55No.
20:55What it is, it's about getting your money's worth.
21:00A bucket full of ladybirds.
21:03Now, how did the thing with the amazing eyes escape from the tank?
21:08Look at that.
21:09Pardon?
21:10It's known as a mantis shrimp, although it isn't a true shrimp, but it's a crustacean.
21:15Doesn't sound like it's anything.
21:16It does look amazing, doesn't it?
21:18I don't know what we're looking at.
21:19Are those the eyes on the...
21:20You've got bits of the eyes which in cells are extraordinary because they're divided into three,
21:24so they have three types of vision in each eye.
21:26Look at it, there.
21:27Like bifocals.
21:28Yes, they are.
21:30They've got children's eyes, but even more than that, they have power.
21:33They have power that is almost...
21:34Beyond belief.
21:35They can cut through glass.
21:37Hang on, this is sounding like sapdemon in kids' teeth.
21:40They have power beyond belief.
21:42They do.
21:43It's extraordinary.
21:44Is it the power of prayer, Stephen?
21:46Do they pray...
21:48Do they pray to get out of the tank to the little baby Jesus and suddenly...
21:52They're mantis shrimps, but they're not praying mantis shrimps, no.
21:54Do they?
21:55Nice, though.
21:55Come on.
21:56Whoa.
21:57They can accelerate...
21:58They can accelerate through the water at 10,000 times the force of gravity,
22:03which causes the water in front of them to boil.
22:07That is...
22:08I know it sounds mad, but that's how extraordinary they are.
22:11Does that seem like a disadvantage?
22:12Because then suddenly, when you stop, you're in boiling water.
22:16I seem to have cooked myself.
22:18So they will cook themselves.
22:21They have this amazing power.
22:23They've been known to break out of aquarium glass with one strike of their claw.
22:28They can actually break the glass.
22:30That's how they get out of their aquariums.
22:31Have we got footage of this?
22:32I can show you one punching its prey.
22:33That's being a man.
22:35It'd better have a kapowl.
22:36That's it on the left there.
22:38And this is obviously massively slowed down.
22:40And there's it.
22:41Bang.
22:42Ooh.
22:43And that was a really...
22:44There you go.
22:49That is...
22:50That is just...
22:50Insect domestic violence.
22:53It is.
22:53It really is.
22:54They're very powerful creatures.
22:56They have these three sections of each eye.
22:59They can see ultraviolet, infrared, polarised, and they're the only creature on Earth
23:03that can see circularly polarised light.
23:05Does that mean they can watch Avatar without the glasses?
23:07Yes.
23:09Exactly what it means, basically.
23:11They're very, very remarkable creatures.
23:13Where do these fellas live?
23:14Vietnam.
23:15That's where you'll find them.
23:17Would you like to see a shrimp on a running machine?
23:19More than you know.
23:21All right, then.
23:23Take a look at this.
23:24Is it the Iceland research facility?
23:31How good's that?
23:32That's pretty good, isn't it?
23:33Did they not put it with the stop button?
23:35No, I know.
23:36It doesn't have control.
23:37And do you know, they can go three hours before they get exhausted.
23:40Yeah.
23:41What's he got on the iPod?
23:42Yeah.
23:43What are they listening to?
23:43He just looked much slimmer than he did at the beginning of the footage.
23:46There are various excuses that scientists have given for...
23:50Why are they doing that to them?
23:53Was it mainly boredom?
23:54You see, and I...
23:55I was kicked out of there for just breaking one wing on the ladybird, and look what they're doing.
24:00What was her doing?
24:01Are they doing any sort of research into Mary Rose's sauce?
24:05Because, really, you need the two together.
24:07Well...
24:08In a wine glass.
24:09It's like shrimp horse jumping.
24:10Whenever the white line comes around, it jumps in.
24:13Oh, doesn't it?
24:13Oh, yes!
24:15There you are.
24:16Oh!
24:16Whee!
24:18And he's cupping up here now on the third turn.
24:22And he's looking strong.
24:23He's not looking bad.
24:24He's lost his jockey, but he's still in the...
24:26Well, the man responsible...
24:28The man responsible is Professor David Sholnick at Pacific University in Oregon.
24:32He gives his name out.
24:33Yes, he said these...
24:35These studies will give us a better idea of how marine animals can perform in their native habitat
24:40when faced with increasing pathogens and immunological challenges.
24:44How?
24:45I have no idea.
24:46We have to take his word for it.
24:47I'm waiting to see a crab with some dumbbells.
24:51It is strange, though, when you look at that, because we were talking about it earlier, that, you know, shrimp,
24:55it is an insect,
24:55but we quite happily eat that thing.
24:57Pick the legs off it, take the head off and...
24:59I know, and lobsters and things.
25:01As you say, we'll happily eat them as a treat.
25:04But these...
25:05Oh, God.
25:08It's not done...
25:08It's not done...
25:09It's not done me any favours.
25:10And I felt so confident.
25:11I was going to have the scorpion as well, not now.
25:13Did he...
25:14I love the scorpion.
25:16Were you going to have the scorpion?
25:17I love the scorpion.
25:17Oh, my dear fellow.
25:19There you are.
25:20Those fellas are really...
25:21So, you mean you're going to take it home?
25:22I've had those.
25:22The aftertaste of them is just horrendous.
25:24It is there for hours, but I'll have that.
25:28Yep.
25:28Are you going to read it now in front of us?
25:30Well, I'll put it on my mouth, it might.
25:31Yep.
25:32I'll break it in half.
25:33That's a good idea.
25:34Make it manageable.
25:35Yeah.
25:36Half the poison, half the fun.
25:42How do you do it?
25:43God.
25:47That's not...
25:49That's God telling me something, innit?
25:51That is...
25:51Wow, that is one tough thing.
25:53I think this...
25:53I think the scorpion might be alive.
25:54I think it might be like Han Solo.
25:56Aye!
25:57Well, not anymore, it's not.
25:58Right.
25:59Erm...
26:00Turbine door front.
26:01I would go to the front.
26:02The tailor might have a sting in it or something.
26:04Aye!
26:04Always ask a lady.
26:06Aye!
26:09Oh!
26:10That said it!
26:12James!
26:13Oh!
26:18Well, you could hardly break the thing, so...
26:21Go back in nine hours!
26:25Well, you're having one too.
26:26Good for you.
26:27Excellent.
26:27Well, I'll be licking the brittle and I thought I'd be here all night.
26:30Yeah.
26:30So I was eating like a club biscuit.
26:32So...
26:32Get all the chocolate off.
26:34Is it quite sweet in there?
26:35Is it sugar?
26:35It's basically sugar.
26:36It's horrible the brittle.
26:37I can't feel my toes.
26:44It's like Hemlock, it just works all the way up.
26:46It's like bonfire night with death!
26:49Go on, Sarah, you know you want to.
26:52You've got to be joking.
26:54Have a lick anyway.
26:55That's where you had the chocolate ant.
26:56I had the chocolate ant.
26:57I had the chocolate ant.
26:57Just think...
26:57What if we all develop superpowers as a result of this?
27:01Look at the ant.
27:02Oh!
27:03Oh!
27:04Oh!
27:06I haven't had the ant.
27:07How could you eat that?
27:08He has the power of...
27:10You saw what it did to me.
27:11He has the power of nausea!
27:16That is absolutely repellent.
27:17It is, isn't it?
27:18As soon as you break the chocolate, it whiffs!
27:20I know, it's not nice.
27:21Hang on, hang on!
27:22Hang on!
27:22Something's happening!
27:23Something's happening!
27:27Yay!
27:31Oh, my God!
27:33Oh, my God!
27:39Something's...
27:39What about the Scorpions?
27:42Can I ask a question?
27:43Can I ask a question?
27:44Are Scorpions known for forward rolls?
27:49Oh, yes.
27:50Oh, definitely.
27:50It's a show of Eureka and Fair.
27:51Very famous for their forward roll.
27:54I've tried the Scorpion and I've tried an ant.
27:56Well done.
27:57And that's it.
27:58All right.
27:58That's like the start of a really bad musical.
28:02I've tried the Scorpion and I've tried the ant.
28:05That's it!
28:07And what have you had?
28:08Try your butt!
28:09Try your butt!
28:09No!
28:10I haven't tried anything.
28:11No, I mean...
28:12No, I'm an insect psychopath!
28:16Do you have anything, Sarah?
28:17No.
28:18No, sorry.
28:19You should try an ant, really.
28:20I think you should have an ant.
28:21No, well, you're not my mum, so...
28:27You might all end up with superpowers, but you'll need somebody to save.
28:31Oh, that's true.
28:32No, we need somebody to push us round.
28:36We'll need some home help once we get out of superpowers.
28:39We'll all be delirious.
28:40We'll be champion.
28:41Oh, goodness.
28:42All right, Mum.
28:42I remember, never put anything in your mouth that hasn't been boiled.
28:45I thought that was an old mother's thing.
28:48Really?
28:48My mum said you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to.
28:53Well...
28:54That was my sex chat.
28:56That was your sex chat?
28:59Oh, oh, oh!
29:01You didn't mention your vagina then.
29:04No.
29:05No.
29:05Where are you?
29:07Oh, no!
29:10Then it won't take you.
29:13Sarah, I'm suggesting...
29:14This is my first time on the show.
29:16I know.
29:17You're just scorpion up my nanny.
29:22Sarah, if you would just entertain the...
29:24Because if you did...
29:25I'm not saying now.
29:26I'm not saying now.
29:27But if you did, five minutes before a gynaecological appointment,
29:32and you went, I've got a bit of an itch...
29:34Yeah.
29:35You would be the subject of a medical paper that would be published around the world.
29:40You would be a miracle woman.
29:43Anyway...
29:43You know, the other thing is, that shrimp is now looking like he's going...
29:45Oh, you know.
29:46Yeah.
29:47There's another round coming up, because I don't think I've got another jump in.
29:50It'll take him...
29:52Apparently, it'll take him three hours to get exhausted.
29:55Anyway, from shrimp mills to ant mills, what does an ant mill do?
30:01Have you heard of an ant mill?
30:02Can you imagine an ant mill?
30:03Ground...
30:03Ground ants.
30:04Ground ants.
30:05Delicious, sir.
30:06Do they make bread?
30:08They don't make bread, no.
30:10No, what happens is, occasionally, they lose the pheromone trail
30:13that the leaders of the foragers have, and they start following each other in a circle.
30:18And the circle just goes round, and round, and round, and round, until they die.
30:22They just get completely stuck in a loop.
30:25What, like an ultimate conga?
30:26Yes.
30:34There was one observed in the 1920s, it was 1,200 feet in circumference.
30:39It took two and a half hours for an ant to complete a whole circuit.
30:43And they were just going round, and round, and round, and they just...
30:45I didn't really like...
30:46They must follow the one in front.
30:47Like dads at a wedding.
30:48Yes.
30:50If one of them was a bit down...
30:52Yeah.
30:53...and wanted to take some others with it...
30:55Yes.
30:56It could leave them on a false trail.
30:58Absolutely.
30:59Wouldn't that be beastly of it?
31:01Cool.
31:01I've got a rule, like, if it comes in my house, then I'm allowed to kill it.
31:06Right.
31:07Trespassing.
31:07So how many Jehovah's Witnesses are you talking about?
31:16Yeah.
31:17But if it's...
31:18You're laughing, but...
31:20Under the floorboards, yes.
31:22But if it's outside, then I have to leave it alone, because technically I'm in its house.
31:26That's how I see it.
31:26Oh, that's a real sweet way of looking at it.
31:28Anyway, ants in an ant mill follow each other round in a circle until they die.
31:31And why shouldn't you breathe...
31:33Or, excuse me.
31:35What shouldn't you breathe in?
31:36What shouldn't you breathe in if you're a stink ant?
31:40Well, is it...
31:41Is it your own...?
31:43Your friend's anus.
31:46I think that's a general rule.
31:47I don't...
31:48You don't have to be a stink ant.
31:50It's a really weird life cycle, this.
31:53It's a really creepy and unpleasant life cycle that the stink ant is a victim of.
31:59It spends its life in the rainforests of Cameroon, foraging on the ground, you know, eating bits of leaf mould,
32:05and generally having a perfectly reasonable life.
32:08And way up in the canopy somewhere is this spore.
32:12And occasionally a...
32:14You know, fungus.
32:15And millions of these things drop down.
32:18And if the ant breathes it in, it eats the ant from inside, and it starts with the brain, and
32:24it sends the ant a bit mad.
32:26And it does something that the ant would never otherwise do.
32:29It makes the ant climb the tree.
32:32So the ant climbs the tree until it gets to a certain height, and it's kind of programmed its brain.
32:38It sounds insane.
32:39The ant then puts its mandibles into the tree and waits to die.
32:43And then the spore keeps growing and growing, and it pushes a shoot out of what was once the brain
32:48of this poor ant.
32:49It's eaten all its other soft parts, and this great shoot comes out, which produces more spore that drops down
32:56and drags up more ants.
32:57And we've got a picture, just in case you don't believe me, of a poor ant.
33:01You've done a picture of this happening.
33:02This is a real thing.
33:03This is the ant itself there climbing up, looking a bit unfortunate.
33:07But you'll be able to see, this is it here.
33:09It's being eaten from the inside.
33:10And there is the spore growing out of what was once its brain.
33:14And you can see the rest of its body has been eaten.
33:16And that is, and there's that spore growing out.
33:20And then it eventually stops and starts, the whole thing starts again.
33:24What a weird and cruel thing, isn't it?
33:27Isn't that amazing?
33:29It's sad.
33:29It's like when people say, there must be a god because of skylarks and waterfalls.
33:33You say, and because of that?
33:37It's called cordyceps, is the name of this particular fungus.
33:39And that's its life cycle.
33:41It's basically to rain down onto the forest floor, get breathed in by an ant, make the
33:45ant go crazy, climb a tree, and continue the cycle.
33:47Well, to give it a human name, uh, special brew.
33:55That is, that is a good visual representation of what the hangover's like of it.
34:01Oh, what am I doing up a tree?
34:04Oh, my head feels like I'm growing spores.
34:10Imagine if it happens to people.
34:11Oh, my God.
34:12To see someone off and say, oh, no, he's going up a tree.
34:16And all the soft tissues get eaten.
34:18Now, as you can see, it's not just the brain, it's all the bits lower down, all the soft tissues.
34:21You just have to let him go.
34:23I'd be really gutted if I breathed it in.
34:25Yeah.
34:26Didn't really climb the tree.
34:27Fell off and just ended up with a bump.
34:30Because there wasn't enough material to fill.
34:32Oh!
34:34You know, you just wake up and go, what's that?
34:35And you go, oh, nothing.
34:37Nothing.
34:38There's plenty in there, but...
34:40And so, to the inevitable backbone of QI, general ignorance.
34:44So fingers on buzzers, if you please.
34:46Right.
34:46Name a vertebrate with no backbone.
34:50Nick Clegg.
35:02A vertebrate without a backbone.
35:04A vertebrate without a backbone.
35:05It seems an impossibility.
35:07But there is something that is classified as a vertebrate that has no backbone.
35:10Worms?
35:11No, big...
35:12Like a wheel or something?
35:13Well, it's not a mammal.
35:15It is a fish, though.
35:16Big fish.
35:17Eel.
35:18Dolphin?
35:19Is that still a mammal?
35:20Dolphin isn't really a fish, to be honest, is it?
35:22Well, it looks like one.
35:24It looks like one, I agree.
35:25Stingrays?
35:26No, well, stingrays and mantises actually don't have them, but it's the shark.
35:30Sharks are vertebrates.
35:32They're classified as vertebrates.
35:33They neither have ribcages nor do they have backbones.
35:36They have things that look very like a backbone, but they're half the weight of bone.
35:40They're cartilaginous matter with connective tissue.
35:43And there you can see a little cross section of a shark.
35:45He doesn't look very happy, does he?
35:46No.
35:47It's a very cross section.
35:49It is, isn't it?
35:51You see the thing then, sort of right behind his eye, just right behind his eye, going
35:54all the way back to his tail, along his back, that looks like a bone.
35:58Yeah, that's...
35:59I'm just saying.
36:00Yeah.
36:00I know it's not bone, though.
36:01It is, as I say, it's not actual bone.
36:03It's cartilaginous matter.
36:05Go cartilage, as we would say, in England.
36:09That's all I have to say on that subject.
36:11So, there we are.
36:12Well, fine.
36:12Next one.
36:13Let that be an end to it.
36:14Yes.
36:15What's the strongest creature for its weight in the world?
36:19Psst.
36:19Is it Johnny?
36:22Geoff Capes.
36:23Geoff Capes.
36:24Geoff Capes.
36:24Good.
36:25There is a stronger man than Geoff Capes in the world at the moment.
36:29Zydrunas Zaviscus, who can...
36:30Can he pull a lorry along with his feet?
36:31A 70-tonne plane, but that's only 411 times his own weight, and obviously it has to have
36:37wheels, whereas this creature can pull a force equal to 100,000 times its body weight.
36:43When I say creature, I mean, it is a living thing, but it's not even an insect, it's even
36:48tinier.
36:48It's not going to be our old friend Bacterium.
36:50It's a bacterium.
36:51It's a bug in that sense, yeah.
36:52And it's not one you want to catch, let's be honest.
36:55It's one that would be most unwelcome in the trouser department.
36:59Crab.
36:59No, no, no, it's an actual bacteria, not an insect.
37:04The gonorrhea.
37:04Gonorrhea is the right answer, for some reason.
37:06The strongest thing in the world.
37:07Yeah, the gonorrhea bacteria.
37:09Pulls down your pants and...
37:12That's your excuse for catching it.
37:14Seriously, love, I didn't stand a chance.
37:16It stripped me bare.
37:18You know how strong they are.
37:19Apparently they have these bundles of long, thin, contractile filaments called pylase...
37:24Why is all that toast on this?
37:25And they use these to crawl and they can pull along 100,000 times their weight, which
37:30is a very small weight, admittedly, but nonetheless.
37:32They used to be an awful cure.
37:33Do you know what a cure for gonorrhea used to be?
37:36Uh...
37:36Yeah.
37:37They put a sort of umbrella up the urethra, press a button to sort of open the umbrella bit
37:42inside the shaft of the penis and then pull out.
37:44We've heard it.
37:44We don't need to hear it.
37:45I'd like to hear it.
37:46Tell us again.
37:50They're in your house.
37:51Yeah.
37:53And if you had a particularly unpersympathetic doctor, it'd then jump around the room going,
37:57I'm singing.
38:00I'm singing.
38:01Yes.
38:02And then they would cover.
38:03And it's splashing your own tears.
38:04Yeah.
38:06And then cover it in chocolate and sell it as ants.
38:11Oh, dear me.
38:13Yeah.
38:13That's enough of gonorrhea, I feel.
38:15What do oyster catchers mainly eat?
38:18Uh...
38:19No.
38:19Yes?
38:21Oysters?
38:22No!
38:26They're just misnamed, oyster catchers.
38:28What, do they catch their main...
38:29Other shells?
38:30Yes.
38:30Cockles and mussels, mostly.
38:32Are they just not very good at catching the oysters?
38:34They just love a cockle.
38:37They...
38:37Are they mainly cockles?
38:39No.
38:40A huge percentage of European ones actually are in Britain.
38:43And the amount they catch is astonishing.
38:45Each oyster catcher can get 500 cockles a day.
38:48And given that half of the European population is in Britain,
38:50it's more than 300,000 birds,
38:52that's a potential seasonal consumption of 8.9 million tonnes of cockles.
38:58I love cockle.
38:59I love cockle.
39:00Oh.
39:00Oh, in vinegar.
39:01A pint of them.
39:02Yep, that's it.
39:03Gorgeous.
39:04From a man in a little mobile kiosk.
39:06A little hint of grittiness sometimes.
39:08A little bit of vinegar.
39:09Yeah.
39:10Anyway, which animal has the most genes?
39:13Deslinum.
39:16Jeremy Clarkson.
39:17Jeremy Clarkson.
39:18Whoa!
39:26That's unfortunate.
39:28Uh-huh.
39:29It's to do with the age.
39:30It's not to do with the complexity.
39:31Yes, it may be.
39:32Jeremy Clarkson.
39:34Doesn't it seem like that's...
39:35Because some plant has got loads more genes than us.
39:38Yes, there are quite a few things that have a lot more genes than us.
39:40The fruit fly has many more genes than we do.
39:42This is actually just a little water flea.
39:44And don't they think that's because of the age?
39:46That it's just been around for so long, it's mutated all these different times?
39:49Yeah, 8,000 more genes than the human genome.
39:51Which is quite a lot.
39:52And it doesn't do much.
39:53It lies around.
39:55It carries its own umbrella.
39:56It carries its own umbrella.
40:01And it's a very important part of the food chain.
40:05In water, it's eaten by fish.
40:06Can you imagine a fish going, mmm, you could taste those extra genes.
40:09Yes.
40:11Now, why are moths attracted to light?
40:18Oh, Alan, well done.
40:21You're good at this.
40:26Very good.
40:28Well, I just feel that, had it would have come up, someone would have told me.
40:34Yes, you're right.
40:35There are various theories.
40:36One is that they're used to the moon, and that other sources of light disoriented,
40:41and they use the moon for navigation, and there are all kinds of...
40:43It does seem odd that they only come out at night,
40:45because, I mean, if they saw the sun, they would love it.
40:47Yes, you'd do.
40:48It would be...
40:50If days go up in the morning, they'd go,
40:52Look at that!
40:53It's the best thing ever...
40:54Because the amount they like my bedside lamp...
40:56Exactly.
40:56I mean, they love my bedside lamp, but the sun is significantly bigger than my bedside lamp.
41:01It's twice the sun.
41:01Maybe that's why they don't know, because if they went for the sun,
41:04I mean, they would all just go for the sun, wouldn't they?
41:06And then they would just fly into the atmosphere, and that would be a disaster.
41:10Yes, some people believe that different sources of light confuse their navigation system,
41:14and others think that the moth may think the light is the moon.
41:17Others think the moths are attracted to the light because the infrared spectrum in things like candles
41:22may contain a few of the same frequencies of light that are given off by a female moth's pheromones,
41:27but they're all theories.
41:28In fact, nobody really knows.
41:29I like their ambition.
41:30I like to think that they think it's the moon, and they go,
41:31I could make it.
41:32Yeah?
41:33I could bloody do that.
41:34Look at these.
41:35Come on.
41:36If you try and catch one, you know, if you're trying to kill it, like I do,
41:39because it's in the house.
41:39If it's in the house, yeah.
41:41And then you turn the light off.
41:42I always feel really guilty, because it's as if they go...
41:48So, nobody knows.
41:50And that mystery of what nobody knows brings us to the eternal mystery of the scores,
41:53and how fascinating they are.
41:57In a resolute last place with minus 24 is Mr. Jimmy Carr.
42:07Almost teetering on the brink of plusness is Alan with minus one.
42:16And Sarah Milliken's first performance has been astonishing with plus two.
42:26But tonight's winner with plus four is Johnny Wagan.
42:38So, that's all from Jimmy, Johnny, Sarah, Alan and me,
42:42apart from this final word from Bill Vaughan.
42:44We hope that when the insects do take over the world,
42:47they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on our picnics.
42:52Good night.
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