- 2 days ago
First broadcast 29th October 2004.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Jo Brand
Jimmy Carr
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Jo Brand
Jimmy Carr
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome to QI.
00:05Once again, we trawl the trackless ocean of knowledge
00:08only to find that everything smells fishy.
00:11I'm joined on the seafront of understanding tonight
00:13by three winkle pickers and a cockle warmer.
00:16Bill Bailey, Jimmy Carr, Joe Brandt, and Alan Davis.
00:26Now, this evening's QI brain teaser is on your little podium
00:30beside you, year five QI module,
00:34and the theme is letters.
00:36Letters.
00:36Show the boys and girls that.
00:39Throughout the show, you have the time, we hope,
00:42to make up some interesting phrases from your letters.
00:45Just work on them as we go.
00:47That's right.
00:47Oh, OK.
00:48To keep you occupied.
00:49So when we show them, just whenever we've got one good?
00:51If you like, or towards the end.
00:53All right.
00:54I've got one, too, and I'll show you something I came up with earlier.
00:58I'm trying to make vagina immediately.
01:00QI.
01:01That came from my arrangement of letters, you see.
01:03It's a little clay on the initials.
01:07I've probably not thought we've always done quim.
01:10Have you?
01:14You put the QI in quim.
01:16That's the first...
01:18Very good.
01:19For the first time, my quim's got a smattering.
01:23Look at that.
01:25Vagina doom.
01:26Oh, Lord.
01:27Not getting in the way of the game, but do ask a question anyway.
01:30I will do.
01:33Fox.
01:34Very nice.
01:35Yeah, yeah.
01:36I think we get the idea.
01:38You must be a blast by the fridge.
01:42But first, we ought to do an equipment test.
01:45Joe, how do you go?
01:48Very good.
01:50Jimmy goes.
01:52Bill goes.
01:55Alan goes.
01:57Ahoy.
01:58Hello, sir.
02:00There you are.
02:02It's a piece of...
02:04Well, we're going to start...
02:06Hang on, hang on, hang on.
02:07Who is that?
02:09Ahoy.
02:10How's that?
02:11Hey, sailor.
02:13Anyway, let's start firmly on dry land.
02:16Question one.
02:16Would anyone like some koala soup?
02:21Presumably a hungry koala.
02:22Of course.
02:22It would be a hungry koala.
02:23It would be a hungry baby koala.
02:25Because koalas are the only animals to make what is called a soup or pap.
02:31What, in a bowl?
02:32They make it in the bowl of their body and it comes out of their...
02:36Arse.
02:37Their bottom, yes.
02:38Their arse.
02:39Ah, so I get a point for that.
02:40You get a point for knowing arse, yes.
02:42Very good.
02:42They make soup with their arse?
02:44They make a soup for their young with their arse.
02:47That's...
02:47I mean, that's careless parenting, isn't it?
02:49It won't.
02:51I just quite like to ask, why haven't they had that on the bush tucker trial?
02:55And I'm...
02:58Very good question.
02:59They bring a koala out and hold it over your...
03:01It does.
03:04Horrible...
03:04It does a horrible new meaning to, waiter, there's a hare in my soup.
03:11There's a koala there.
03:12There you are.
03:13They're not koala bears.
03:15They're not bears.
03:15Well done.
03:16They're not bears, are they?
03:17They're marsupials.
03:17Yes, what are they most closely related to?
03:19Er, kangaroos, other marsupials.
03:21A wombat, in fact.
03:22A wombat.
03:22They're brothers and sisters.
03:23They're brothers and sisters.
03:23Wombats don't have soup.
03:24They have cubicle faeces.
03:26Do they?
03:26Oddly, yes.
03:27Little dice.
03:28Cubicula.
03:29Cubicula.
03:29He can't get that leaf down.
03:31Look, he's been chewing it for ten minutes.
03:33Well, no, isn't that because he's eating the leaves of the eucalyptus tree?
03:38He is indeed.
03:38It acts as a powerful hallucinogen on the koala.
03:42So a lot of the time they're just saying, yeah, whoa, what did I come up here for?
03:50Well, it's an analgesic rather than a hallucinogen.
03:53I've always got those two messed up, you know.
03:56Sort of numb.
03:56Sort of numb.
03:57A pain killer.
03:57It's poisonous.
03:58Yeah.
03:59It will.
03:59They have an incredibly long intestine, about a mile long, to digest all that poison that
04:05would kill a human.
04:06Well, yes, what it is, it's really quite interesting, and that's what we're here for, to be quite
04:10interesting.
04:11They can tell, which scientists can't, the age of a eucalyptus leaf.
04:15It has to be between a year and 18 months.
04:18If it's any younger, it has no value whatsoever to them.
04:21They sleep for 20 to 22 hours a day.
04:2422 hours a day.
04:24I'm going to give you two points for that.
04:26You're absolutely right.
04:26I won a night out with a koala.
04:30Yeah, when we were out all night.
04:32We went to a restaurant, then to a club.
04:33What did you have?
04:34Soup of the day?
04:37What did they drink?
04:38What did your koala drink?
04:40Beck's.
04:42Yeah, they didn't drink.
04:44In Daruk language, koala means no water.
04:48But the main thing we have to remember about koala bears is that they are not bears.
04:52So that leads us to, where do bears do their business?
04:56In the winter.
04:57Ahoy.
04:59In the woods.
05:00In the woods, did you say?
05:04I'm afraid it is, that's minus 20 points, Alan Davis.
05:08Well, yes.
05:12Yes.
05:12Is it the Cayman Islands for tax purposes?
05:14No.
05:15No.
05:17The fact is, for the seven months of the year that they're hibernating, bears do not either urinate or defecate.
05:23God, I must be busting the guy when they get up.
05:25What do you think?
05:26They have a very clever little device.
05:28Firstly, they recycle the urea as protein in their body so they don't need to pee.
05:32And their body makes a little thing called a tappet, which is composed of sort of faeces and hair and
05:38various other things.
05:39And it's a sort of butt plug that seals up their anus for the winter.
05:42Are they available in the shops yet?
05:46She bears give birth when they're hibernating.
05:49When they're asleep?
05:50Well, they sort of wake up rather briefly to give birth.
05:53Oh, jeez.
05:54And apparently forget about it afterwards.
05:57They go straight back to sleep again.
05:59And they can give birth to four cubs from four different fathers.
06:03Sounds like the royal family, doesn't it?
06:06Do they live on an estate, by any chance?
06:08Do they, did you just say, do they live on an estate?
06:10Well, it sounds like a...
06:12Well, you're doing white trash.
06:15Yeah.
06:16They keep sounding a little bit white trash to me.
06:18So, now, bear in your bathroom, what shouldn't you squeeze?
06:25Toothpaste.
06:26Oh, toothpaste.
06:26Yes.
06:27It will make it crazy with desire.
06:30Crazy with desire, lust.
06:31Well, the sort of lust for the toothpaste.
06:32You'd be better, you'd be safer carrying a freshly butchered elk leg.
06:37In terms of, it would just, there was a reason...
06:40What, in the bathroom?
06:42Martha Spencer's, six butchered elk legs.
06:45For some reason, bears feel crazy for toothpaste.
06:49What?
06:49They trashed a tourist camp in the Arctic, some polar bears, recently.
06:52But toothpaste does something to dogs as well, gets them going.
06:55Yeah, absolutely right.
06:56So, even though they're close relations,
06:58there are dog toothpaste to look after their teeth,
07:01but they're flavoured in all kinds of odd ways.
07:03Peanut butter, beef, things like that.
07:05Browse leg.
07:06So, there you are.
07:09Don't go round with toothpaste near a bear.
07:11What has huge teeth and only one facial expression?
07:15Janet Street Porter.
07:17Janet Street Porter.
07:19Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
07:21Oh, dear, oh, dear.
07:23Oh, dear, oh, dear.
07:23We've got that written up somewhere.
07:25Oh, I knew I was, I took a fall, but it was worth it.
07:28Oh, dear.
07:29Oh, dear.
07:30No, it's an animal.
07:31Oh.
07:32Huge teeth and one facial expression.
07:34A shark.
07:35Mmm.
07:35That's just had quite a bad stroke.
07:39LAUGHTER
07:42On both sides of the brain.
07:44All down one side, like a swim in a circle like that.
07:47LAUGHTER
07:48Or a Botox Panther.
07:50That would do it.
07:52That would qualify.
07:55What about beaver?
07:57Beavers have big teeth and they don't vary their face much.
08:00This has the biggest teeth of any mammal, actually.
08:02It's recently been discovered to be a bear.
08:04It was thought for many years to be a member of the raccoon family,
08:07but it's not.
08:07I don't know.
08:08It's a member of the bear family.
08:09Oh.
08:09It's a giant panda.
08:11God.
08:12And the giant panda's teeth are so enormous
08:14and it constricts its face, which is as stiff as a board.
08:17Now, you can see one there.
08:18Giant panda.
08:19Oh.
08:20It was only in 1996 it was discovered to be a bear.
08:22It was a cat in a bear suit.
08:25LAUGHTER
08:26And this is where science goes very odd
08:28because it was designated a carnival,
08:33although everybody knows that it doesn't eat meat.
08:35It doesn't eat meat.
08:36So most living pandas are actually vegetarian, by choice.
08:39Yes.
08:39They should be eating meat.
08:40They eat bamboo, as we know, bamboo shoots.
08:43And they have to do that for 12 hours a day
08:45because it's so lacking in any nutritive quality.
08:49Therefore, they're the only bears that don't hibernate
08:51because they can't afford it, sort of calorifically.
08:53Why are they so cute?
08:55They are cute, aren't they?
08:56They're absolutely adorable.
08:57But, you know, aesthetically, what's going on there
08:59that makes it so...
09:00Look at the eyes.
09:02There's piss holes in the snow, aren't they?
09:03They certainly are.
09:04LAUGHTER
09:05Have they ever been sort of successfully bred with other bears?
09:08Why are they so un-libidious?
09:11Well, I don't know.
09:11Do you want to know about their penises?
09:13Are they those barbed ones that lock in and don't come out again?
09:17No, they point backwards.
09:18They point back into themselves?
09:19Which maybe...
09:19Ejaculate it up into themselves?
09:23Oh, sorry, love.
09:26Hence the old joke about eat shoots and leaves, I suppose.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:30Yeah, they...
09:31I don't know whether that is the reason...
09:33In-growing genitals.
09:34That won't help breed it.
09:35No, it won't help breed it.
09:36That's it.
09:37That's obviously it.
09:38Sorry, that must be...
09:39It's such a turn-off.
09:40Do you fancy...?
09:41No, I don't really...
09:42No.
09:43I don't really fancy it at all.
09:45In nice feces.
09:46What can you tell me about bamboo?
09:49A horse!
09:51Hello.
09:53You've attracted someone else on the backside.
09:56In Hong Kong, and probably elsewhere in Southeast Asia, they use bamboo as scaffolding.
10:01That's right.
10:01You're quite right.
10:02It's incredibly light-waving, incredibly extraordinarily strong, and they use it over vast buildings.
10:07You're right.
10:07It has a tensile strength greater than steel.
10:09In fact, over 5,000 uses of bamboo have been recorded, including desalination uses, diesel fuel...
10:14Tarzan uses it for swimming away from people.
10:17Exactly right.
10:18Yes.
10:19Breathing in the water.
10:20As a cane, to give people a damn good thrashing.
10:23Have you been cane... bamboo cane?
10:24Certainly.
10:25I was cane almost daily.
10:27Two uses of bamboo cane.
10:29That is just by yourself.
10:31It never did me any harm.
10:34Are we going through all 5,000 uses here?
10:36No, we're not.
10:37One, no.
10:39Grows incredibly fast.
10:40Some species grow up to four foot a day.
10:42You can actually watch it grow.
10:44Quite astonishing.
10:45It was used as a torture by the Chinese.
10:46Four foot a day?
10:47Yes.
10:47A torture in the sense that they would make someone sit on it, right?
10:51It would be a torture, yes.
10:52It would tie you down over a bamboo cane and it would grow into you.
10:55Yes.
10:55But what is bamboo?
10:57What sort of...
10:57It's a plant...
10:58What sort of grass?
10:59Which is used for growing around the beans, feeding...
11:01What class of grass?
11:02A tree.
11:03A tree.
11:03No, it's a grass.
11:05A wood grass.
11:05It's a type of a grass.
11:07It is a type of a grass.
11:08Well done.
11:09Well done.
11:10They flowers.
11:10Some of them flower, you know.
11:12It takes them 120 years.
11:14They always have a cactus.
11:16Yep.
11:16A huge cactus.
11:17A huge cactus thing.
11:19It was all knobbly.
11:19And it flowered...
11:20How often?
11:21Once every 25 years?
11:22Once every 25 years.
11:23And he only had it two weeks and it flowered.
11:24Yeah.
11:26Oh, you are a blessed man.
11:28Yes.
11:29I know.
11:29I remember.
11:30We took it.
11:31We took it.
11:31We didn't take it off an old cover.
11:32We bought it off an old cover, weren't we?
11:34You look at them laying at the passage, didn't you?
11:36You look at them laying at the passage, didn't you?
11:37You look at them.
11:38You look at them.
11:39Quick, get away.
11:40They're coming round.
11:41Quick.
11:42You bastard, it's going to flower.
11:43It's going to flower.
11:45We've waited 23 years.
11:49And speaking of bamboo, how many Edisons does it take to change a light bulb?
11:57Yes, Joe.
12:01Very good.
12:03Enjoy.
12:05Well, the answer is very peculiar.
12:07He had a belief that in the human mind there were little people, 15 to 20.
12:12Oh, for God's sake.
12:12He really believed that.
12:13He did not.
12:13He did.
12:14And he believed when you die, they move into someone else.
12:16When you were a psychiatric nurse, if someone came in to you and said,
12:19I believe there are little people living in me, what would you do?
12:22Pounce them to the ground.
12:26Very good.
12:27What a loss to the profession you are.
12:30Edison did use bamboo as a filament.
12:33Did he?
12:33In his light bulb.
12:36Very good.
12:37Very good.
12:40Little Sam Lloyds.
12:43So, Edison believed there were little people.
12:44A part of the brain called the Convolutions of Broca.
12:47Where memory, amongst other things, was housed.
12:50And he believed that this is where 15 tiny little people were.
12:53That's right.
12:53The 15 tiny little people, did they have 15 tiny little people in me?
12:56That's a very good question.
12:57I don't think Edison has ever gotten someone so far.
12:59Edison, you know, was reckoned to be one of the great inventors.
13:03There are 1,093 patents filed to his name.
13:08Really?
13:08What did he invent?
13:10I'm so ashamed I don't know anything he invented.
13:12I thought the light bulb...
13:13No, that's...
13:14...gives off more heat than light.
13:16The first light bulb was actually a long-forgotten German called Valterglobal.
13:20Does Alan not get a point for that?
13:21For what?
13:22Gives off more heat than light?
13:23Yeah, that was a guess though, wasn't it?
13:25Well, of course...
13:26No, it's not good.
13:26Hello, sailor.
13:32I learned that in physics.
13:34Why, hello, sailor?
13:37No, the point about Edison, which is quite interesting, I think, is that he was like...
13:40Typewriter.
13:42He developed the typewriter.
13:43He developed the typewriter.
13:44The phonograph is, again, he is credited with inventing the phonograph.
13:47But one thing, one thing Edison did invent for a 100% genuine Edison invention that we use every day,
13:54probably, most of us.
13:55Is it a nasal hair clip?
13:56No, it's not even an object.
13:58It's not an object.
13:59So it's a way of being.
14:01Sarcasm.
14:03Yeah, I invented Sarcasm.
14:05Yeah, I invented Sarcasm.
14:05Yeah, I invented Sarcasm.
14:06It's a sword.
14:07Oh, yeah.
14:09It's actually a word.
14:10I believe a word, yeah.
14:12Is it Zugzwang?
14:13No.
14:14The Germans are that, but very good.
14:16I don't know why I use that every day.
14:18I don't know why I use that every day.
14:19I don't know why I use that every day.
14:29No, it's, it's...
14:31Clocky-knocking-the-hilly-pilification.
14:33He didn't invent that word, but well done for knowing it.
14:35Which means?
14:36The acts of assessing something as worthless.
14:39No, correct, yeah.
14:41Yeah.
14:43The word is, it's a simple word of greeting.
14:46Hello.
14:47Hello.
14:47That's the word.
14:48He invented hello.
14:49He invented hello.
14:49He invented hello.
14:50H-E-L-L-O.
14:51The word that existed before is hello, H-U-L-L-O, which never meant a greeting.
14:56It just meant an expression of surprise.
14:58Hello, what have we got here?
14:59Hello, what's this?
15:00We still use it.
15:01Do we?
15:01In that sense.
15:02Hello, what's that?
15:03Don't we know?
15:05Yes.
15:05Hello.
15:06When we live our life like 1950s detective film.
15:12I often go to my fridge and I'm, hello, we're out of milk.
15:17I say, mother, where's the milk?
15:19You beast, you beast, you utter, utter beast.
15:22When they went round Jeffrey Garmin's house and they pan a human head in the fridge, they went, how do
15:27you know?
15:27Hello?
15:28It's a free.
15:28Maybe just a little camp, I think.
15:29Oh, is it camp?
15:30Oh, I know.
15:31Hello.
15:31I'm like that.
15:32I love that.
15:33I said there was a greeting and said people hello.
15:36Hello.
15:36I think it's a bit of a surprise as well.
15:38Oh, hello.
15:38Yeah, there's more surprise.
15:39It's being appropriated by the gaze.
15:41Anyway.
15:42Oh, hello.
15:44Oh, hello.
15:44How do you say that?
15:45How do you say that?
15:46How do you say that?
15:46How do you say that?
15:47I think originally.
15:50Originally.
15:52Off-rise.
15:52Very good.
15:53There was a story about hello though.
15:55There was a story, there was a competition in the Evening Standard and they said, well, you know,
15:57we want to find out what's the thing that you're going to say when you answer the phone.
16:01And they had a competition, people voted on it, and hello came out number one.
16:04And what came second was a hoi hoi.
16:07Right?
16:07Which if you watch The Simpsons is how Mr. Burns answers the phone.
16:11Yes, absolutely.
16:12Actually, what it is, is that was Alexander Graham Bell's favoured method of answering the phone,
16:17was to go a hoi hoi.
16:18Which I still use.
16:19Do you?
16:19Good for you.
16:20Whereas I get mocked for using, hello.
16:24Not on the phone.
16:25No, that's perfectly acceptable.
16:26No.
16:31Hello, what's going on here?
16:32Good lord.
16:34Stephen, what was the last thing that made you go, hello?
16:38It was a genital wart.
16:39Was it a genital wart?
16:40I knew it would be something to do with genitals.
16:43I knew it.
16:44You see.
16:45Hello happened to be one of Edison's favourite words.
16:49When he first recorded sound, he shouted halloo, which was actually a cry from the
16:53hunting field.
16:54A view halloo.
16:55So halloo was the first recorded word.
16:57And he reckoned Edison that it sounded very clear.
17:00He discovered this while testing Alexander Graham Bell's prototype.
17:03So the first written use of halloo, spelt with an e, is in a letter from Edison in
17:081887, actually.
17:10And Alexander Graham Bell preferred ahoy ahoy.
17:13In our house, if you ring my dad, he answers a phone like that.
17:15What?
17:18Yes.
17:19Like that.
17:19What did you say?
17:20Of course a telephone is a fantastically rude thing.
17:22I mean, it's like going, speak to me now, speak to me now, speak to me now.
17:25You know, if you went into someone's office and banged on their desk and said, I will make
17:29a noise until you speak to me.
17:30It would be unbelievable.
17:32Yes.
17:33And of course, that's what they had before the telephone, wasn't it?
17:36Speak to me now.
17:37Speak to me now.
17:38Speak to me now.
17:39Exactly.
17:40And then you'd go, call waiting, call waiting.
17:46Exactly.
17:47Oh.
17:47So there we are.
17:49Edison's really useful invention, the word hello.
17:51Now, how do you know?
17:53It's like, I don't know, it's like occupational therapy in an old
17:55people's homes.
17:57It's just a small thing.
17:59Now, oh hello, what have we got here?
18:00Put Smarties tubes on cats' legs, make them walk like a robot.
18:04I don't know.
18:05I don't know.
18:06Brilliant.
18:10That is absolutely wonderful.
18:15Use all his letters.
18:17That is unbe-f***ing-leavable.
18:20No, that is.
18:21It makes sense.
18:23Yes, sir.
18:23It doesn't look like a robot.
18:26It's an idea.
18:28It's like giving people an idea.
18:30It's fantastic.
18:31What's this?
18:32Completely the shame.
18:40I can't even imagine how you managed to do that.
18:44No, I'm sure you can't.
18:47It does work, actually.
18:49It's a lovely way to spend an afternoon.
18:50Yes.
18:51If you read them go down the stairs, it's especially good.
18:56It would make a very good split for a broken cat's leg, wouldn't it?
19:00Sometimes it's how they break their legs, so you just leave it off.
19:04Hello, the cat's broken his leg.
19:06Hello, the cat's broken his leg.
19:11OK.
19:13The pyro.
19:13I've only had this funny, George.
19:17I might say the pyro in the mouth.
19:19He's given up smoking, the bloke needs a substitute.
19:21It is one of my proudest factors that I am possibly the last ever pipe smoker of the year.
19:27That's right.
19:28New government rules have meant it unlikely there will ever be another one.
19:31I saw a very interesting article.
19:33I think, Billy, you were in it in the Chap magazine.
19:36And you were talking about pipe smokers and the fact that, actually, the act of having a pipe, it does
19:41bestow a certain trustworthiness.
19:43Out of two builders, you would choose the builder who's got the pipe.
19:45Yeah, somehow.
19:45Because they'd look more, somehow...
19:46There's a kind of placid, they don't look so edgy.
19:48Well, I think what it is.
19:49There, there, there.
19:50All right.
19:51There, there.
19:52There.
19:55You're right.
19:55You're right.
19:56Absolutely right.
19:57Yeah.
19:57Brilliant.
19:59He brought it alive in a little tableau.
20:02Wonderful.
20:03Now, our weekly report from the frontiers of knowledge.
20:06The round that those who ought to know better call general ignorance.
20:09So, fingers on buzzers.
20:10Name a dinosaur beginning with B.
20:12Ahoy.
20:14Frontosaurus.
20:15Oh, Alan, Alan, Alan.
20:18Brontosaurus.
20:19Is a dinosaur.
20:20No, it isn't.
20:21Was a dinosaur.
20:22Never was.
20:24Never was.
20:24Miss Nova, there's never been a category of dinosaur called Brontosaurus.
20:27Well, where does Brontosaurus come from then?
20:30Well, it's a complicated story.
20:31I'll try and take you through it.
20:33There was a skeleton that was once labelled with the name Brontosaurus.
20:37But it turns out to have been a misidentified Apatosaurus.
20:40The mistake arose in part because the Apatosaurus body was mixed up with the skull of a Camarasaurus.
20:45What do you mean they just got a load of bones in a crate?
20:48Yeah.
20:48That is.
20:50That have been named first.
20:52Tiberius can look mad.
20:53Oh, hello.
20:58A pterodactyl.
21:01A pterodactyl.
21:02I've just put a pterodactyl.
21:03I've got one here.
21:04This is property of Brontosaurus.
21:07No.
21:07That's a Brachiosaurus.
21:07That's a Brachiosaurus.
21:08Five points for you, young master.
21:10Thank you very much.
21:10Isn't it Brachiosaurus?
21:10Isn't it Brachiosaurus?
21:11It actually belongs to young Luke Fletcher, who's the son of one of our researchers and scriptwriters.
21:16And we thank you very much for lending it.
21:18Thank you, Luke.
21:19Isn't Barney a dinosaur?
21:20Barney, very good.
21:21I'll give you two points for Barney.
21:23Very good indeed.
21:25Barney, the purple dinosaur on the playmat.
21:28You could have had Barasaurus, Barapasaurus, Bagoceratops, obviously.
21:34Yeah, we didn't want to go for the obvious ones, did we?
21:36Beckelspinax.
21:38Beckelspinax.
21:39Byronosaurus, my personal favourite, which is Bambiraptor.
21:44Bambiraptor.
21:44Savage baby deer.
21:46Yeah, it's a sweet idea.
21:48Bambiraptor.
21:49All right, fingers again on your mushroomoids.
21:51All right.
21:51How long can a chicken live without its head?
21:54A lot.
21:55A lot.
21:56Uh, 15 to 30 seconds.
22:01No.
22:02Does it have private medical cover?
22:05As long as it takes it to cross the road.
22:09Well, I know how long it takes a live chicken to become a Pret-A-Manger sandwich.
22:16Do you know that?
22:16No, told.
22:1755 minutes.
22:19Good Lord, that's fresh.
22:21I think so.
22:22That's fresh.
22:23That is.
22:24That's a fresh sign.
22:25Don't you mean, hello?
22:28Not always.
22:29They run around for up to half an hour afterwards.
22:31No, you'll be amazed.
22:32You'll be amazed.
22:3348 hours.
22:34Is it about a week or two?
22:35No, much longer.
22:36Seven years.
22:37Two years.
22:38Two years?
22:39Two years?
22:40No, no, no.
22:41He's famous.
22:43I give you Mike the Headless Chicken.
22:44Where is he?
22:45Mike?
22:45The town of Fruita.
22:47The town of Fruita in Colorado.
22:50He was on Time Magazine, Life Magazine.
22:52Is it like a really big, like, six foot chicken?
22:54No, no, no, no.
22:55It's a bit like a bloke?
22:57No.
22:57His head was chopped off, but enough jugular vein and brainstem remained for him to stay alive.
23:03And he trotted around.
23:04There is still a website called www.miketheheadlesschicken.org.
23:08Oh, wait a second.
23:09I promise you.
23:10Just check it out.
23:11You've got to check that out.
23:12Have a look.
23:13Do.
23:14He was fed with an eyedropper.
23:16Why don't they just cook him?
23:18Well, he lived a happy and famous life.
23:22Where Colonel Sanders was after him all that time.
23:25You know what?
23:25He actually put on, yeah?
23:26In Mike the Headless Chicken, the very first, the very first thing to come up in the search
23:30engine is www.miketheheadlesschicken.org and it's Mike the Headless Chicken for President.
23:36No, you're not.
23:38He is a cult.
23:40There's a song.
23:41There's a Mike the Headless Chicken song.
23:43Mike the Headless Chicken.
23:44A legend of the West.
23:46No farmer's axe could stop his heart.
23:49A beating in his breast.
23:52Fingers on buzzers.
23:52Who discovered penicillin?
23:56Oh, dear.
23:58Oh, dear.
23:58Oh, dear.
23:59I mean, he did.
24:00No, he did.
24:02No, he did.
24:03He did.
24:03On mouldy bread.
24:04When you're rubbing your cuts in the outback.
24:07No.
24:07Alexander Fleming.
24:09Yes.
24:10Was it Bob Fleming from the farm?
24:12Oh, God.
24:14It wasn't.
24:15It wasn't.
24:16Bob Fleming.
24:17Nor was it Ian Fleming.
24:18Alexander the Great.
24:19Nor was it any other Alexander.
24:20No.
24:20I want you to think of young Arab stable boys rubbing things into their inner thighs.
24:26Mouldy bread.
24:28Lumberjacks, when they cut their fingers, mouldy bread.
24:31Yep.
24:33Ernest Duchesne, who was a Frenchman, who liked watching Arab stable boys rubbing things into
24:37their inner thighs.
24:38How will we have known that?
24:39He noticed that what they rubbed to get rid of saddle saws was the mould on the side of
24:45the saddle.
24:46The nomadic Bedouin of Arabia had been doing this for a thousand years.
24:49Yeah.
24:50And then they were observed by Ernest Duchesne, who wrote a very lengthy paper about it, submitted
24:53it to the Institute Pasteur in Paris, who didn't even acknowledge the seat of it.
24:58And he died completely uncelebrated.
25:01But it was only 1949, five years after Alexander Fleming, that he was posthumously awarded with
25:07rediscovering it.
25:08So Alexander Fleming can only be said really to rediscover it.
25:11Do you know?
25:12Ironically, he died of TB, which would have saved him having had penicillin.
25:16Ah.
25:16So it's just one of those sad things.
25:19There we are.
25:19Now, here are some pictures for us, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen.
25:23Four famous brain boxes, which is the odd one out.
25:26We have, reading left to right, Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, of course.
25:30Niels Bohr, Nobel Prize winning physicist.
25:32Dmitry Shostakovich, Russian composer.
25:34And another Nobel Prize winner, Albert Camus, the novelist.
25:38Who's the only one?
25:39Yes.
25:41There's only one with glasses on.
25:45Camus is the only one smoking.
25:47No, there's two smoking.
25:49No, there's two smoking.
25:50Is he the only one that played in goal for Algeria?
25:52Ah, no, you're in the right area, not the only one.
25:54He was the only one who played for the University of Algiers.
25:56Wasn't Shostakovich playing goal for Algeria as well?
25:58No, he didn't.
25:58Forget Algeria.
25:59They were all first team goalkeepers.
26:03Sport.
26:03Three of them were.
26:03Oh.
26:03Conan Doyle was the only one who believed in fairies.
26:06Conan Doyle.
26:06He also played in goal for Portsmouth.
26:08Did he?
26:09Did he?
26:09Yes, he did.
26:10He was a proper goalkeeper.
26:12He was a proper goalkeeper.
26:12And he would start.
26:13Niels Bohr played in the University of Copenhagen first team.
26:17Presumably when the goal went in.
26:18Albert Camus, as you rightly said, was goalkeeper as well.
26:21He was the national.
26:21For the University of Algiers national.
26:23Could that just be acknowledged that I got that?
26:25I would be giving you five points for raising off this team.
26:28Shostakovich was a centre-forward.
26:29No, he wasn't.
26:29Banged in 40th season with Spartak Moscow.
26:31No, he didn't.
26:33He was an official official.
26:35A referee.
26:35He was a qualified referee.
26:37There he is.
26:38Imposed onto the body.
26:39He's got tunes going round his head.
26:41Oh, Pierluigi Collina, I think.
26:43Who knows a Shostakovich tune?
26:44Bill, I bet you do.
26:45I could give you one of his goalkeeping moves.
26:49Even though he was a referee.
26:50Oh, sorry, yes.
26:53That's all right.
26:54Just keep up.
26:55And so did the final whistle.
26:57In last place.
27:01Any reason for that?
27:03With minus 35.
27:06Alan Davis.
27:11In third place with minus five, it's Bill Bailey.
27:17In second place with eight points, it's Joe Brown.
27:21But thanks to his way with an anagram,
27:23in first place with 15 points, Jimmy Carr.
27:26Well, there we are.
27:34And that's it from QI this week at least.
27:37To Bill, Jimmy, Joe and Alan, there's nothing left to say
27:39but the words of the immortal Swedes.
27:41The winner takes it all.
27:43The loser standing small.
27:45Good night.
27:45What a big is!
27:45It's a nice thing!
27:45To be out on Facebook.
27:46I'm going to cover it.
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