- 23 hours ago
First broadcast 16th October 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Danny Baker
Jo Brand
Howard Goodall
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Danny Baker
Jo Brand
Howard Goodall
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Well hello and welcome to QI, the quiz in which nobody dies and nothing is proved save that the universe
00:09is full of quite interesting things. Albert Einstein once memorably said, only two things are infinite, the universe and human
00:18stupidity and I'm not sure about the universe. I have the same sinking feeling about tonight's panel but let's meet
00:25them anyway. Alan Davis.
00:30Danny Baker, Howard Goodall and Joe Brown. Ladies and gentlemen, this well there are C-lebrities, B-lebrities but we've
00:41got A-lebrities. Each one has a buzzer. Howard goes, Danny goes, Joe goes, Alan goes.
01:00And I go wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home. The rules are simple. I ask the questions, all
01:05of which are impossibly unfair and give points for interesting answers regardless of whether they're right or not.
01:10In a cruel twist of fate I also take away points for answers which are not only wrong but pathetically
01:16obvious.
01:18The first round tonight is called answers. Sir Herbert Beerbone Tree, the Victorian actor manager once hailed a taxi and
01:25got in. When the cab driver asked where to gov, Sir Herbert looked up from his work and answered, do
01:32you really think I would give my address to the likes of you?
01:36In this round, I shall supply the questions about the questions and it's up to you to answer with the
01:42answers. So, what answer did the Nobel Prize winning Danish physicist Niels Bohr give when asked, why have you got
01:51a horseshoe on your wall?
01:54Alan. Me? He hung it on the wall because he didn't want to lose it. No, it's good. The brown
02:03was quite damp. He thought it might get rusty. I like both of those. Your previous answer reminded me of
02:10a story which I might as well come up with about the great Edith Evans who bought in the 1930s,
02:16she bought a Renoir painting which even in the 1930s was a reasonably expensive thing to do and a friend
02:21was having tea with her and said, Edith, have
02:24have Sotheby's or Christie's delivered the Renoir? She said, yes, yes, it's here. She said, well, can I see it?
02:30And she said, it's over there. And very low down on the wall was this Renoir and the person, her
02:37friend, had to lift a curtain to get a proper look at it. She said, well, it's lovely, Edith, but
02:41why did you hang it there? And she said, there was a hook.
02:48I think it took a fire to British attitude towards art.
02:52I wonder if it was a horseshoe because in Denmark, they found in a bog the world's oldest brass instrument,
02:59which is shaped like that. And it's called a Danish name like, oh, and it's Bronze Age. And it sounds
03:08a bit like that.
03:09It really does.
03:10So maybe that's what the Dane boor...
03:13Can I ask something, Howard? Can I ask us a bog as in mire or bog as in toilet?
03:18It's confusing that it would be a brass instrument from the Bronze Age, wouldn't it?
03:23They'd really know what they were playing. It's certainly worth five points as interesting material. You'll definitely get your five
03:28interesting points there.
03:29Was there anything to do with Schrodinger's cat?
03:31It wasn't, though. He was intimately associated with the physics behind Schrodinger's cat.
03:36Schrodinger's cat. It's a sort of philosophical problem.
03:39Go on.
03:41Oh.
03:43Oh, bollocks.
03:46I think the idea is that you leave a cat in a lead casket.
03:48No, the idea is that you put a cat in a lead casket and close the lid, and you can't
03:53know for sure once you close that lid whether the cat is alive or dead.
03:58So it's a sort of philosophical problem about never being able to know.
04:03Absolutely right. Niels Bohr, of course, also said of quantum physics that if you're not shocked by it, then you
04:10haven't understood it.
04:11Yeah, it's like this show, isn't it?
04:13Yeah, somehow. Thank you for that.
04:16Did he answer,
04:17Of course, he said, I don't believe in it, but I understand that it brings you luck whether you believe
04:22in it or not.
04:24Now, let's come to a second question.
04:27What did the romantic novelist Barbara Cartland answer when asked in a radio interview,
04:32would you say that the barriers of the British class system have broken down?
04:37Who would like to answer that?
04:40I don't know about the sound barriers, but I do know that Barbara Cartland invented the aeroplane towed glider.
04:47Did you know that?
04:48No.
04:49Yes.
04:49Barbara Cartland did.
04:50Barbara Cartland, yes. She was a keen airswoman, and she invented the pulling gliders by aeroplane.
04:57Well, this is marvellous. It's certainly fine.
04:58Now, I know one other interesting thing about Barbara Cartland, which is that when she was young, she moved into
05:02this house,
05:03and she kept hearing this ghost of a young woman calling to her.
05:08And nobody said, oh, you know, mad novelist, all that kind of thing.
05:10Yeah.
05:11And later, it was discovered that a young woman with fair hair had been bricked into the wall of her
05:19house.
05:19The workman uncovered this skeleton behind the hearth.
05:23So, from that moment on, she believed that she really had heard a ghost, and there really had been a
05:27ghost, and that was who it was calling out to her.
05:28Well, yes, that's not worth five points.
05:31No, okay. Because almost every old woman I've ever met has a story like that.
05:35But it will certainly give you five for the aeroplane glider.
05:37When you said aeroplane toad, I thought you meant a toad.
05:42I thought, to some cruelly forced wings and a toad, I was chucking it across Barclays.
05:49I'd go, I invented that!
05:53She was asked whether or not she thought British-class barriers had been broken down.
05:58Do you know what her answer was?
05:59I'll tell you.
06:00She said, of course they have, or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to someone like you.
06:06Yes.
06:07Style.
06:08May not have been one of her properties, but nonetheless...
06:12She's got a very classy pair of handcuffs on now, hasn't she?
06:17She's been arrested by someone very pock, hasn't she?
06:20But you've got to say she's made the best of herself, haven't you really?
06:25She's made an effort.
06:26You know, it's like the sun, what you actually see is the sun eight minutes ago,
06:32because the light takes eight minutes to get in.
06:34Oh!
06:34With her, what you're seeing, because there's so much make-up.
06:39You've seen her about 18 years ago.
06:43She peeled away long enough.
06:47It's like Lionel Richie.
06:50Lionel Richie?
06:51No!
06:53Explain Lionel Richie's connection.
06:55Is he very real?
06:56Because of the clay head.
07:00The clay head?
07:01Of course the clay head.
07:02Hello!
07:03Hello!
07:04What are you looking for?
07:07Mick Jagger's got a great big head on a little body, if you've ever meet him.
07:11He looks like one of those New Orleans carnival heads when he comes to walls.
07:16I feel we've got an insight into what life would be like in old people's house.
07:22Well, I can't wait to be in an old people.
07:26Good.
07:27Now, Howard, what answer did the Spanish, the Spanish general and political leader, Ramon Blanco y Errhenius,
07:38give on his deathbed to the priest when asked, do you forgive your enemies?
07:43Well, I'm sure it was in Spanish.
07:45Yes, it would have been.
07:46Was it I don't speak English?
07:48No.
07:49And last words of course, Err, Hancock.
07:52Too many things have gone wrong too many times.
07:53What, Nick?
07:54Hancock's killed himself.
07:58I was in a room with Paul Merton and Nicholas Parsons, just to show off for a moment my showbiz
08:05pretentious.
08:05I'm going to change that and I'm going to suggest it was a sauna.
08:11Well, if...
08:12Not again, obviously.
08:14I was in a sauna.
08:16With a leak-proof pen obviously, because Paul Merton was writing on this piece of paper for quite a long
08:22time.
08:23And Nicholas Parsons says, they sent him, Paul, what are you writing?
08:27And Paul said, erm, it's a suicide note.
08:30And Nicholas said, oh.
08:31And then Paul said, sign here, Nicholas.
08:34That's a lot of good notes.
08:35That's a lot of good notes.
08:36Here we are.
08:38Now, that's a Spanish fellow who...
08:40Spanish fellow, Ramon, yeah.
08:42He was asked whether he forgave his enemies.
08:44He was asked on his deathbed.
08:45What he actually said was, no, I don't have any enemies.
08:49Erm, I've had them all shot.
08:59Well, the patron saint of QI is the ancient Roman Gaius Pinius Secundus, better known as Pliny the Elder.
09:06His natural history is the great encyclopedia covering all human knowledge at the time.
09:12Life, he said, is my subject.
09:13And he estimated that the 37 volumes that he wrote contained 20,000 important facts derived from 2,000 books.
09:22The 28th book of his magnum opus is what concerns us now, packed as it is with antidotes.
09:29State-of-the-art remedies culled from the great medical minds of the ancient world.
09:33So, Danny, what does Pliny confidently expect to cure by recommending that the patient eats the heart of a black
09:41jackass outside, out of doors, that is, on the second day of the moon?
09:46Months.
09:47I have no idea.
09:50There was a suggestion once, that the key to eternal life lies in the elbow, and if it can be
09:57consumed, then you would live forever.
10:01Which is why nobody, no matter how hard you try, can actually lick their own elbows.
10:13Even though...
10:16The idea that you cannot lick your elbow, but they say, if you can, you will live forever.
10:20But isn't that how socialism was invented, that someone said, come, let us lick each other's elbows.
10:27It doesn't come back.
10:31The thing is, no young man of licking age spent any time at all trying to lick his elbow.
10:40The question was, why would you eat the heart of a black jackass by the light of the moon?
10:44Well, it must be something awfully serious you'd have wrong with you.
10:47Because the heart of a...
10:49Where do you get a black jackass, anywhere?
10:51These days.
10:53Kentucky Fried Jackass.
10:57Well, I'll tell you the answer.
10:58Is it gout?
10:59It's not gout, it's not gout.
11:00It's actually epilepsy.
11:02Although he also prescribes for epilepsy the consumption of lightly poked bear's testes,
11:09a camel's brain, dried and taken with honey, or in extremis, a draught of fresh gladiator's blood.
11:18He's good for epilepsy.
11:19He doesn't mention tegritol, then.
11:21No.
11:22Is that the specific of you favour?
11:24Yes, it is.
11:24That's a specific drug for epilepsy.
11:26Do you have epilepsy yourself?
11:28No.
11:29No, but those who do.
11:31She knows loads about drugs.
11:32Does she?
11:34Yeah, because she's a nurse.
11:36And a drug addict.
11:37Yes.
11:40What would you think...
11:42Who shall we ask this?
11:43Joe, I think, you're the medical person here.
11:45What would you think if I touched the tips of your genitals with linen or papyrus?
11:51Yes.
11:52To be honest, Stephen, I'd be bloody impressed you found the tip.
12:06I'd say, stop trying to make the bed while I'm still in it.
12:13Well, I think it's something absorbent.
12:16Yes.
12:16It would suggest to me that there was something coming out of the tip of Joe's genitals.
12:22That you were hoping to absorb.
12:27What affliction might that suggest?
12:29Stress incontinence.
12:30Incontinence.
12:31That's right.
12:31Incontinence.
12:33Although, of course, you might opt, instead of the linen or papyrus, for the alternative
12:36gear for incontinence, which is to knock back a glass of sweet wine mixed liberally
12:41with the ash of a burnt pig's penis.
12:45Urinating in your, or your neighbour's, dog's bed.
12:50None of this is made up.
12:51And I'd like the pig would be there going, well, I'm glad to see you're still pissing,
12:55Natalie.
13:00Now, Howard.
13:02Howard, Howard, Howard.
13:03Howardy, Howardy, Husted.
13:04After that, guessing the uses for cream made with pig's lard and the rust from a chariot
13:10wheel should be easy for you.
13:12He liked his pigs, didn't he?
13:13He did, yeah.
13:15Suntan oil.
13:16Is it something to do with the gladiators?
13:18Is it repel lions?
13:21It's, well, I'll tell you what the answer is, because I've no idea at all myself.
13:24Yeah, the actual answer is haemorrhoids.
13:26I could tell you anything you want to know about haemorrhoids.
13:29No.
13:31Nothing on the market works.
13:34You might be interested in this, Alan, for haemorrhoids is swan's fat,
13:38and you might consider rubbing the afflicted part with the urine of a she-goat.
13:45Does she have to find a middle-aged one that's got stress incontinence?
13:50It's better than supporting the bloody immoral pharmaceutical companies that are destroying our globe, actually.
13:56No, they are.
13:56Yeah.
13:57They bloody are.
13:58They take hundreds of pounds off of me.
14:00Do they?
14:01Yeah.
14:02No, there you are.
14:05You might pity the poor Roman with a headache, for here is, Pliny is quite unequivocal.
14:12A fox's genitals tied to the forehead is the surest route to relief for a headache.
14:17It's all pretty obvious, really.
14:19Where's the pox?
14:20Is the pox a very tangible part of it?
14:22I suspect they would be.
14:24Has he ever held up and said, Pliny, you're talking rubbish, take more water with it, none of this works?
14:29And these days, of course, as we know, a lot of antibiotics are beginning to work less and less well.
14:35And a great many people find themselves with infections that will not clear up.
14:38And two of the most popular cures for it at the moment are maggots,
14:42which are used in Western hospitals on a routine basis to clean up wounds.
14:46The other is in New Zealand, honey.
14:48Yeah, whoa!
14:49Whoa, whoa, whoa!
14:50Whoa!
14:52Whoa!
14:52Whoa!
14:53Bees, did you know, the British bee died out in the First World War?
14:58One of the little known casualties of the First World War, was that...
15:02I only know, it's because...
15:02Was it the Sunset Regiment of Bees?
15:05I've been to the cemetery, all those little white crosses about this bee going...
15:09No, what happened was, all the bees in England got a terrible cold during the First World War,
15:15and practically died out.
15:16And they imported Mexican bees, and bees from all over everywhere else,
15:20to start bees again.
15:23So, all the bees that you think are ethnic British bees...
15:26The British National Party, do they know that?
15:28What, the BNB?
15:28The BNB!
15:30The BNB!
15:31The BNB!
15:45Yes!
15:45He says, I've got 20 hives.
15:4620 hives, 7,000 bees?
15:47He says, yeah.
15:48He says, how many bees have you got?
15:49He says, I've got a million bees.
15:51A million bees?
15:52He says, yeah.
15:53He says, how many hives have you got?
15:54One.
15:55A million bees?
15:56One hive?
15:57He goes, yeah, f**k, I'm only bees.
16:01Very nice.
16:03Very nice.
16:05The fellow goes into the cake shop and says, I'd like to buy a wasp, please.
16:07He says, we don't sell wasps.
16:08He said, there's one in your window.
16:09There's one in the window!
16:13Alan, take a question, please.
16:15What about a piece of simple first aid in the home?
16:18How would the great cliny deal with a lump of bread caught in the throat?
16:22A lump of bread caught in the throat, a common affliction.
16:25A cow's testes, fried lightly in goose fat, with a coulee of monkey brains, and a light feathery
16:38and a metal meringue.
16:40Oh, hello.
16:41I'm the only one you use your eyes, aren't you?
16:47What was I saying?
16:52I forgot.
16:53I'm totally distracted.
16:54Play me.
16:54Yeah, do they send a pigeon in after the bread?
16:57No, they do.
16:58Actually, what they do is they place a piece from the same loaf of bread in each ear.
17:04Oh yeah, that's not good.
17:06It's obvious, what I think about it, same practical advice from one of the great observers of the human family.
17:14Indeed, so dedicated was plenty to close observation that it was to be the death of him.
17:19As Vesuvius erupted in AD 79, the 24th of August AD 79, of course,
17:25overcome with curiosity and keen to save his friends, he returned by boat to the about-to-be-engulfed city
17:30of Pompeii,
17:31protected by a pillow tied to his head with a napkin and an improvised crash helmet-cum-gas-mask combo.
17:38He was suffocated by the fumes. Thus fell the most curious Roman of them all.
17:43It's strange, isn't it, that we think of the Romans as noble architects and soldiers bestriding the arrow-straight roads
17:49and the coliseums of their vast empire when, clearly, they were mostly at home with the sniffles,
17:53festooned with the dangly bits of wild animals and sipping hot toddies made from their piss.
18:00Now, continuing our ancient Roman theme, it's quite interesting that ancient Britain was so unruly
18:06that it was the only province in the entire Roman Empire that had to have a permanent garrison of troops.
18:12All the others were more or less governed themselves.
18:14The average strength of the Roman army was only 150,000 men plus,
18:17about the same number of auxiliaries recruited from vassal states, more than a match for the ancient Danish army,
18:22which between 1104 and 1134 consisted of just seven men.
18:28Here are some questions about armies through the ages.
18:31You'd think, wouldn't you, that all armies are pretty much alike, but they're not.
18:34So, Danny, your question, what did 24 people last year, what did they have to thank the Swiss army for
18:40last year?
18:41They have a navy, of course, even though...
18:43The Swiss do have a navy, yeah.
18:44The Swiss have a navy, but here's something.
18:45The fourth largest navy in the world, if one goes by boats alone, Disney.
18:50Disney has the fourth largest flotilla navy in the world.
18:55Good God.
18:56They'll be making films next.
18:59Dearly, dearly, dearly.
19:00I know something about Switzerland.
19:02Yes, tell me something about this.
19:03Switzerland has four official languages.
19:05Yes.
19:05None of which are used on their stamps.
19:08None of which is used on their stamps.
19:09Is that correct?
19:11No.
19:13Again?
19:14Again with the grammatical.
19:15No, again already, already.
19:17They use Latin on their stamps.
19:18Latin, come from Helvetica, don't they?
19:21Yeah.
19:2124 people a year are murdered by members of the Swiss army.
19:26In Switzerland, there's only a small standing army, but the whole male population does military service as part of the
19:31national militia.
19:32Each man is issued with a fully automatic military assault rifle, which he keeps locked up at home with exactly
19:3772 rounds of live ammunition.
19:39Last year, this resulted in 24 murders, which, believe it or not, is the third highest rate of handgun murder
19:45per head for any country in the world.
19:49How did army medics in the Vietnam War prevent wounded US soldiers from swallowing their own tongues?
19:58Why would they swallow their own tongues?
20:01It's quite common when wounded.
20:03They cut the tongue out.
20:04No, they were sort of just practical and American about it.
20:07Gave them a hamburger.
20:18No, they attached them with safety pins to their cheeks.
20:21They pin their tongues?
20:23They pin their tongues to their cheeks.
20:25Casualties, you know, this is quite interesting.
20:27Casualties in Vietnam were considerably higher than Iraq, but it's extraordinary to note that more American soldiers committed suicide after
20:36serving in Vietnam than were killed in combat.
20:39Now, Joe, what's rather attractive about the army of Costa Rica?
20:45They've got a pulse.
20:51Do they all look like Sir Bernard Ingham?
20:57I can give you an answer on what's attractive about the army of Costa Rica inasmuch as it's attractive to
21:01those of us who are not that interested in war, which is that it doesn't exist.
21:04The country is so peaceful that the army was disbanded in 1949.
21:10Costa Rica is the only country in the world whose constitution forbids a national army.
21:14Instead, they make do with 560 varieties of butterflies, 830 species of birds, and 1,200 different kinds of orchid.
21:21Isn't that the kind of country you like to live in?
21:23Well, why hasn't somebody invaded them?
21:24Has they got all that going on?
21:25No army.
21:27I'm no warmonger, but there's...
21:29I think you are.
21:30I think it's a beastly thing to say.
21:32The French statesman Talleyrand, 1754 to 1838 or thereabouts, once said,
21:37I am more afraid of an army of a hundred sheep led by a lion, than an army of a
21:43hundred lions led by a sheep.
21:46Make of that what you will, but it...
21:47He's an idiot.
21:48Well...
21:50Yes.
21:51Well, will we...
21:52He's talking metaphorically.
21:55Yes.
21:55Yes.
21:59Now, who shall I ask this one to?
22:01Why are there no Alsatians in the Spanish army, Howard?
22:05I've no idea, but is it one of these things where, you know, the king made his dog or his
22:10donkey the next heir?
22:12Is it something to do with that?
22:13It's not, actually.
22:14No.
22:15It's a rather bizarre reason.
22:16I'll tell you, because it is quite interesting.
22:18The minimum IQ required to be in the Spanish army is 70, and Alsatians only have an IQ of 60.
22:26That's literally true.
22:27The Alsatians, the German Shepherd dog...
22:28The Alsatians has an IQ of 60?
22:29Of 60, yes.
22:30If you said, if two trains set off from Plymouth...
22:34One going at 30 miles an hour, one going at 40 miles an hour.
22:38What time are they getting?
22:38They're going...
22:41They've got dolphins in the American Navy.
22:43They have, yes.
22:44Wasn't that funny in the war?
22:45They let the dolphins out to go and hunt for mines, and they buggered off.
22:48Straight up.
22:51That does prove their intelligence, does it?
22:54That's enough armies.
22:55Let's move on.
23:02Now, it's to the traditional last round, an assembly of astoundment entitled General Ignorance.
23:07Fingers on the buzzers, please, for this intensely competitive finale.
23:12What noise does the largest frog in the world make?
23:16Ah!
23:20Very good.
23:21Very good.
23:22That's your answer.
23:23Excellent.
23:24Any other thoughts?
23:25Ribbit.
23:26Really loud.
23:26Who said ribbit?
23:28Yay!
23:29How do you spell ribbit?
23:32Like that.
23:33That's apparently how you spell it.
23:34Now, that's rabbit in New Zealand.
23:39I'll be there cheating ribbits.
23:44I will tell you what the sound will do.
23:47I can actually give you...
23:48No, don't tell us.
23:49We need to do it.
23:49I will.
23:50I'll give you my party impression.
23:51It's a metallic noise.
23:52No.
23:53No, there are frogs that do that.
23:54Yeah.
23:54No, I'll give you...
23:55This is it.
23:57It's...
23:58No, it is that.
24:01It's not that at all.
24:03That's it.
24:03It all being amusing.
24:04Because, in fact, the three-foot-long goliath frog of Cameroon and Equatorial Guinea is mute.
24:10Entirely mute.
24:10Makes no noise at all.
24:11There are 4,360 known species of frog, but only one of them, in fact, Alan, goes ribbit.
24:20Each species has its own unique call.
24:22The reason that everyone thinks all frogs...
24:24And this is true.
24:25The reason that everyone thinks all frogs go ribbit is that ribbit is the distinctive call of the Southern Pacific
24:31tree frog.
24:32This is the frog that lives in Hollywood.
24:34And, reported locally, it has been plastered all over the movies for decades to enhance the atmosphere of anywhere from
24:40the Everglades to Vietnamese jungles.
24:42Frogs actually make a huge variety of noises.
24:44They croak, snore, grunt, trill, cluck, chirp, ring, hoop, whistle and growl.
24:48They make noises like sheep.
24:50Yes, yes.
24:51They also say, it's not easy being green.
24:57Less.
25:02Frogs make noises like sheep, like cattle, like squirrels and crickets.
25:05The barking tree frog yaps like a dog.
25:07The carpenter frog sounds like two carpenters hammering nails out of sync.
25:11And fowler's toad makes noises like a band of red Indians whooping.
25:15Most female frogs, like the Goliath frog, make no noise at all.
25:20Because we can't get a bloody word in edge, mate.
25:28Next question, fingers on buzzers.
25:30What is 40 poles long and four poles wide?
25:34Is it a regiment in the Polish army?
25:35Oh, I'm so sorry.
25:38Oh, dear.
25:39I don't know, that's cruel.
25:42Oh, all that hard work.
25:43No.
25:43It's quite simple.
25:45It's the acre.
25:46The pole, otherwise known as a rod or a perch, is five and a half yards.
25:50An acre is 4,840 square yards or ten cricket pitches long by one wide.
25:56It's also the same as 11.3 basketball courts or 3.9 Olympic swimming pools.
26:01As if you cared.
26:04What was used to open the Chicago World Fair in 1933?
26:09This is a goodie.
26:10Yes.
26:11Was used to open arms?
26:13No one's saying anything.
26:16Yeah.
26:17It's a very good one.
26:19If you know, you know.
26:21The answer is this.
26:22Not booze.
26:23Arcturus.
26:24The brightest star in the northern hemisphere.
26:27And the fourth brightest in the night sky.
26:29The idea was that the 1933 fair would be opened by light, which had set off from Arcturus in 1893,
26:37the date of the previous Chicago fair, 40 years before.
26:41Arcturus being 40 light years from Earth.
26:44So one end of a telescope was pointed at the star and the other end at a photo cell.
26:48When enough light had collected in the photo cell, it tripped a switch and turned on all the lights of
26:52the fair.
26:53Very cunning.
26:53Yeah.
26:54But not quite cunning enough because scientists now know that Arcturus is not 40 light years away from Earth with
26:5934.
27:00Or 36.7.
27:01Or 37.
27:02Or according to one typically reliable internet source, 70.
27:06So, it's time for the final scores.
27:09Well, well, well, well, well, well, well.
27:11Alan, I'm afraid, still in fourth place with eight points.
27:13Eight points.
27:14Joe, third with 13 points.
27:17In second place with 17 quite interesting points is Howard.
27:21It's the Polish army, wasn't it?
27:22It was, I'm afraid, otherwise you would have been way out in front.
27:26However, our winner is Danny Baker, ladies and gentlemen.
27:35Well, it only remains for me to remind any young people watching of the horrendous dangers of playing truant from
27:42school by pointing at Joe, Alan, Howard and Danny.
27:46And to say something quite interesting to finish with, in keeping with tonight's theme of antidotes and answers.
27:52It's a report of a medical emergency, almost as ancient as Pliny, taken from the Daily Mirror.
27:56Last Christmas, shoppers in a local supermarket were distressed to see an old lady collapse.
28:02They gathered round, um, sympathetically, and a doctor who happened to be passing, uh, correctly diagnosed her as suffering from
28:08hypothermia.
28:09Uh, this was later confirmed, but found to be aggravated by the stolen frozen chicken hidden in her fur hat.
28:15Uh-huh, this is definitely an old lady,
28:16uh, kind of, época적인 crowd, which is it?
28:16That's really funny, all.
28:17Umm-hmm, I can't, you know, wait a few hours.
28:17You're welcome, pessoal, I'm gonna wait a few hours.
28:17I'm gonna wait for you.
28:17So four minutes now, I'm gonna wait a few hours.
28:17I'm gonna wait a few hours.
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