- 6 hours ago
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00:02when are we gonna get there i told you to go before we leave stop kicking the back of my
00:07seat
00:10ignore him he just doesn't like weddings had a bad experience once
00:18well i'm looking forward to seeing our old neighbors the steadmans and the carinis and
00:23the divincenzos which ones were they again you kicked in the halloween pumpkin because
00:29you thought it was a caricature of you
00:33wait a minute the carinis are gonna be there oh god what's wrong there cubby
00:41i'm sure it is let's hear it i know what it's about raymond and elizabeth carini had a thing
00:50back in high school oh really wasn't a thing one date well it could have been a thing elizabeth
00:59had a big crush on you but you were so picky back then
01:14so tell me about this girl ray she went to a different high school and they were having
01:19their winter dance thing and i heard that elizabeth thought he was cute and wanted to invite him
01:25was she the blind girl hey how would you know huh you were home in your footsie pajamas asking mom
01:32for more pudding i just remember mom saying if elizabeth carini asks you you should go it'll be fun
01:41oh so your mom was pimping for you i don't like that deborah elizabeth calls me and asks me and
01:53what am i gonna do i kind of feel sorry for her so i say yes then when we were
02:00at the dance
02:01started to snow and i had dad's car i didn't want anything to happen to it damn straight
02:08so we get to her house and i what what what did you do to the car nothing dad tell
02:14me now stop the
02:15lie nothing happened to the car okay it was stopped in front of her parents house and
02:23she was saying she had a nice time and all that but all i can think about is getting the
02:27car back to
02:28the maniac here damn straight so we're just sitting there and then finally elizabeth says
02:36okay bye and she gets out and walks to her door in the snow by herself
02:46i didn't walk her to the door
02:51there she was
02:54all by herself fancy dress high heels wobbling up the driveway
03:04so did you call her and apologize i wanted to but and i didn't and i kept putting it off
03:12and
03:13then a few days later it was too late so i just i never talked to her again
03:18you would have been so good together
03:25oh this place is beautiful
03:28yeah yeah where the hell's our table
03:31i don't see her
03:37i don't think she came you know i didn't see her at the church
03:39that's because you were hiding
03:41it wasn't hiding it was deep in prayer
03:46what was that her
03:47who where
03:47uh wait no uh it's an old man with a walker sorry my mistake
03:55you love this don't you
03:57i'm afraid i do yes
04:00just so you know there's a part of me that that thinks it would be good if she was here
04:04yeah just face this thing head on okay how about that
04:08there she is
04:11oh no sorry that's a poached salmon
04:15oh hey look there's a table
04:17oh
04:18marie frank we're up here
04:19oh okay
04:21hey there table mates
04:22how you doing i'm harry arman this is my wife marcy
04:26what are you so happy about
04:29don't you see this table placement is an insult
04:33they stuck us in the corner by the kitchen
04:35well it's fine frank
04:36no it's not fine we're at table 19 out of 20 tables
04:41table 20 is filled with embarrassing family nut jobs
04:46no offense
04:51so three couples and me
04:53on this joyous day of love and togetherness the cheese stands alone
05:00you're not alone
05:02you have us
05:03super
05:06hey robert don't look now i think that woman's giving you the eye
05:09oh no it's the finger sorry
05:25you are a teeny weeny man
05:30hey ray let's dance
05:32no no come on we just got here
05:33no come on one song
05:35i can't dance i didn't eat i'll faint
05:36you danced with that elizabeth you can dance with me
05:39oh come on let's go
05:41my father's gonna eat your salad
05:42all right
05:50you got like a fuzzy in your hair
05:53you got a whole bunch of them
05:57would you please please stop grooming me
06:01okay sorry i care about you
06:04raymond
06:05hi it's elizabeth
06:07garini
06:08elizabeth
06:10uh who
06:14garini
06:15from the neighborhood
06:16oh yes
06:17oh yes yeah hi hi nice to see you
06:19okay take care
06:22hi i'm deborah ray's wife
06:24nice to meet you this is my husband scott
06:27hey how you doing
06:28okay yeah
06:30all right well
06:32goodbye
06:33all right
06:34good to see you
06:35okay
06:35have fun
06:37oh very smooth ray
06:39it's just i don't
06:40it was a shock
06:41to see her
06:42yeah
06:43well
06:43she was really broken up
06:45about you not walking her to the door
06:49seriously
06:49really did you pick up on that
06:50come on don't joke around
06:52honey
06:53she was fine
06:55she came up to you
06:56you can stop obsessing now
06:58you're right
06:59you're right
06:59she came up to me
07:00okay
07:01good
07:05what
07:06i feel like i should have brought up the incident and apologized
07:08all right
07:09so do it
07:10really
07:10no
07:11yeah
07:11no
07:12well you are so annoying
07:14no look i haven't had time to prepare my remarks
07:16you've had 25 years for that
07:18hi again
07:19we've got to stop meeting like this
07:21okay
07:32you know what i'll bet you probably don't even remember this we went out one time in high school
07:37of course i remember
07:38yeah
07:39hey don't worry man nothing happened
07:43that must have been like 25 years ago
07:46yeah i think it was
07:47i think
07:48i think it was snowing
07:49back then
07:50it was
07:51it was snowing
07:52because i remember
07:53i was nervous about the car
07:55and something
07:56it was
07:57what happened
07:59somebody didn't walk somebody
08:05i think i didn't walk you
08:07to your door
08:09yeah
08:09because i was nervous about the car and the snow
08:12right
08:13i remember
08:13but that's no excuse
08:15you know what
08:16i should apologize for that
08:17i was a stupid kid with the snow
08:20so
08:21listen
08:23i'm sorry for that
08:26wow
08:29i don't really remember that
08:37it's so sweet of you to apologize
08:40gosh i hope you haven't been waiting since high school to tell me that
08:45no no no no no i mean couldn't you tell it was all coming back to me as i was
08:51saying it
08:51yeah
08:53thanks for being so thoughtful
08:55yeah well hey that's me mr thoughtful
08:59okay
09:02and here i mistook you for mr potato head
09:06i saw you talking to elizabeth
09:09i did i did i did i just i apologized for the incident and she was fine
09:12oh that's wonderful
09:13yeah maybe i can finally work things out
09:18you know what that wasn't that bad i mean she's happy right she's got a husband
09:24oh yeah all that happened in front of the husband
09:28yeah
09:29what
09:30nothing
09:33what
09:34what are you saying that maybe she was
09:36she was putting on an act
09:38in front of her husband there
09:40well i wasn't saying that
09:42but that's good
09:44you should run with that
09:46no no no no no
09:47you bring up a good point here
09:49knock it off she's fine
09:51i think she was overly fine
09:53oh please
09:54no no come on this was a big incident
09:56would you stop calling it the incident
09:58it wasn't an incident
10:00our cuban missile crisis was an incident
10:04oh my god if you are this insane about not walking a girl with a door
10:08how do you feel about what you do to me
10:09come on what do i do to you
10:11god you do jerky things all the time
10:13things you should really regret
10:14oh yeah well like what
10:15oh where do you want me to start
10:17at the beginning
10:21take your time
10:24what about not walking me to the car when i was in labor with the twins ray how about that
10:29incident
10:30i had to make a sandwich okay i hate hospital food
10:35honestly i can't believe you
10:37why don't wiggle mingle honey
10:39purse get your purse
10:55all right don't be mad i'm sorry okay
10:57i want you to tell me something that you regret doing to me
11:02come on we're at a wedding
11:03something you've done to me
11:04that makes you feel as horrible as you do about your date from 1977
11:11uncle robert come dance with us
11:13i'll go
11:13great
11:15robert dance with him
11:16i want to see this
11:17go dance with the children right now all right
11:21come on
11:38i want to see this
11:41go dance with me
11:41go dance with me
11:44Okay, all right, I regret not loving you more.
11:49Yes, yes, you deserve all the love
11:52that can fit in the ocean.
11:57Oh, man.
12:00I thought that was beautiful, Frank.
12:02Why can't you say something like that?
12:06All right.
12:10I would love it if you were in the ocean.
12:23I want something specific.
12:25Something like when you didn't walk me to the car
12:27when I was in labor.
12:28Okay, okay, can I use that one?
12:30No.
12:32I did it more than once.
12:33No.
12:34Okay, all right, all right, I regret, I regret.
12:36Um, uh...
12:39Okay, all right, when we were first married,
12:41we went to a party at my editor's house.
12:43And you didn't know anybody, and you were kind of nervous,
12:47and later at dinner, you told a story
12:50that you thought was gonna be funny, but nobody laughed.
12:55So you regret that I'm a stiff at parties?
12:59Thanks, feeling better.
13:01No, no, no, listen.
13:03They didn't laugh, but neither did I.
13:05All right, I saw that you were embarrassed, and I should have been there for you, and I wasn't.
13:12Yeah, I've always regretted that.
13:17Oh, that must have been a long time ago.
13:22It was such a small thing.
13:24Yeah, well, tell that to my conscience.
13:29I'd ask you what you regret, but I'm afraid you say you regret marrying me.
13:33Oh, not all the time.
13:42Okay, I'm back, I'm back.
13:45What, it's over?
13:49Friggin' bunny hug.
13:54Funny, talking about regrets.
13:59I've got regrets.
14:05Robbie, too many regrets to mention.
14:09Okay, then.
14:14I've done things that I just feel terrible about to all of you.
14:18All right, Mom.
14:19Great, let her speak.
14:22Like to you, Deborah, I've always regretted not being more nurturing to you
14:27when you first started out as a wife and a mother.
14:30I am sorry.
14:33Oh, Marie, that's nice.
14:36Because now, at this point, what can I do?
14:48It must feel good to get that off your chest.
14:51Yeah, it does feel good.
14:55And, Raymond, I've always regretted not toughening you up when you were a boy.
15:02I'm tough.
15:06No, you're not.
15:10And, Robert.
15:13Yes?
15:16Actually, I don't have any regrets about our marriage.
15:21You've got to be kidding.
15:25And, Frank, some regrets speak for themselves.
15:35Enough with all this crap.
15:37Regret is a waste of time.
15:40My father used to be working on the road 40 weeks a year.
15:43When he'd come back home, you think he had time for regrets?
15:46He'd have a drink, punish me for whatever I did, and then hit the road again.
15:52Okay, so what am I going to do, ask him to quit his job so he can play with me
15:56or something?
15:59Oh, Frank.
16:02What?
16:03You never told me anything about this.
16:06See, it's good to talk.
16:09Come on.
16:10Open up to me.
16:11I'm here for you.
16:13Okay, look, I was lying about my old man.
16:16He was a jolly guy who gave me puppies and chocolate coins.
16:19So, uh, just slide back over, okay?
16:35Ma, are you saying that you have no regrets about me?
16:39Please, Robert, not everything is about you.
16:42Nothing is about me!
16:45Nothing!
16:47Let me tell you something.
16:48I got regrets.
16:50Oh, boy, do I got regrets.
16:51Come on, Robert.
16:52You're bringing everybody down.
16:55Everybody else got to go.
16:56I'm going.
16:59Let's see.
17:00Regrets.
17:01Hmm.
17:02Quite a menu.
17:06Where shall I start?
17:08How about that haircut?
17:17All right.
17:19There is something I always felt bad about.
17:23When Joanne and I were first going out, I took her to this party at my sergeant's house.
17:29And at dinner, she started to tell this joke, and I guess she thought it was pretty funny, but nobody
17:36else did and no one laughed.
17:40Which would have been one thing, but I didn't laugh either.
17:46She just sat there, embarrassed.
17:49I mean, what kind of a guy would...
17:50You used his regret?
17:55You couldn't think of one thing on your own, so you had to steal his regret?
18:00You stole his regret?
18:04You stole his regret?
18:05You stole my regret?
18:08Well, I definitely have something I regret doing to you now, soda pop.
18:13Oh, come on.
18:14All right.
18:14Look, I'm sorry.
18:15I'm sorry.
18:16Come on.
18:17Stop it.
18:17What do you want me to say?
18:18She's on the move, Chief.
18:19What?
18:23Come on.
18:25Would you stop it?
18:27Please, stop.
18:27I'll have another one.
18:28Listen.
18:29All right.
18:30All right.
18:30I couldn't think of a regret, but it was like a pop quiz.
18:32I panicked, okay?
18:33But you win.
18:35I'm a bad person.
18:36Oh, how do I win?
18:37You know, you're...
18:39Oh, they're kissing.
18:41You know what would make me happy?
18:42If you recognize...
18:45What?
18:46Time travel, huh?
18:47You're talking about time travel.
18:48Stop.
18:48Stop everything.
18:49I have another regret.
18:50Oh, my.
18:51Enough with the regrets.
18:52No, no, no.
18:52You're yelling at one another, and it's all my fault.
18:54It's all right, Maria.
18:55No, there's something you don't know about this whole Elizabeth business.
19:08You know how I do things out of love?
19:14Oh, this is never good.
19:20When you were in high school, Rami, you were so lonely.
19:23I just wanted you to be happy.
19:25What did you do?
19:29Everything I told you about Elizabeth back in high school.
19:33Thinking you were cute and having a crush on you was a fib.
19:39What?
19:41You lied to me?
19:42Fib.
19:44Wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:45She had to like me a little bit because she asked me out.
19:48Right?
19:48Right?
19:49See, I ran into Elizabeth in the market, and I asked if she would please ask you out to the
19:54dance.
19:55Oh!
19:57I thought you said no, but then I told her that you were polite and kind and a nice dresser.
20:03What?
20:04A pity date?
20:05All this time?
20:05I was...
20:06I was a pity date?
20:07No, no, not at all.
20:08Of course I was.
20:10I guess I was right, Raymond.
20:11When she accepted your apology, she was putting on an act.
20:14She had to keep from laughing.
20:18You couldn't walk her to the door because she was running for the door.
20:22That's very funny, very funny, very funny, very funny.
20:29No, no, I don't want...
20:31Get off me and pray!
20:34Oh, hi, Raymond.
20:35Yeah, yeah, I just found something out.
20:37You didn't want me to walk you to the door, did you?
20:39Right?
20:39You weren't acting weird because you liked me.
20:41You were acting weird because you were going out with Mama's little mutant.
20:45I felt bad about what I did for you for 25 years for no reason.
20:48You weren't the pathetic loser.
20:50I was the pathetic loser!
21:02That's the schmuck who didn't walk you to the door?
21:16What's wrong with my haircut?
21:20All right, I'm sorry.
21:22Had a rough night, okay?
21:31You want to drive to the woods and dump Dad out?
21:43Rub some honey on his ass and blow a bear whistle.
21:47Good night!
21:52All right, this is a great one.
21:53It's a baby.転
22:10yourself up, right? Very close,
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