- 8 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:04hey hey it's the monkeys how is Chicago what are you saying I'm cheating on you
00:17miss all that fun stuff daddy what did you bring us
00:25all right well let's see got something I brought you something okay for Michael
00:35some lovely apricot shampoo
00:49Jeffrey conditioner all imported from the Enchanted Isle of Marriott
01:02you having trouble getting your shoes on Ellie
01:10don't worry I didn't forget you my darling for mommy something as sweet as
01:15she is some fine candy the mints from your pillow yeah that's part of the
01:24hotel's turndown service tonight you're gonna get my turndown service I guess
01:33mommy doesn't want peanuts from the sky
01:43hi everybody oh there you are what took you so long yeah you're just coming from
01:49across the street yeah well I got confused and went to where I wished you lived
02:01all right they're here let's do this wait wait wait what about the other guests what
02:06other guests everyone's here do you have the mortgage yeah here we go I've been
02:11waiting 30 years to do this and here's to the wonderful people at Lynnbrook mortgage thanks for the calendars and
02:34you can all kiss my great American ass
02:40oh sorry kids don't say ass
02:45hey that was fun let's have a real party Marie go get our marriage license
02:53you know now that the place is all ours I can't wait to redecorate and get rid of
02:58some of that old stuff so long Frank
03:05my dad congratulations the house becomes part of your estate which in the
03:10old country would be passed down to the firstborn son in the old country you'd be
03:17working in the circus
03:22monkey suits coming off so Marie what happened I thought you were gonna have a
03:27big party to celebrate it was a party I made bouchette oh I thought when you said
03:33you were having a party that would include I don't know some friends who has time for
03:38friends have a deviled egg dear what do you mean you don't have time for friends well after you and
03:46Raymond moved in I mean I guess someone had to help you raise a family so we had to get
03:51we just had to give up some things your social life well we still have a social life
04:02my Robert see no devil's egg won't give me any
04:06they don't feed us enough in the circus
04:17hey did my father give Jeffrey some wine today
04:22no why because I was putting in the bed he said I love you man
04:33perhaps you would like some wine
04:37hey listen you know what your mom told me at that party they don't have any friends
04:44you sound surprised
04:47well it's kind of sad it's kind of sad
04:49well it's not sad for the people who would have to be their friends
04:55except we have to be their friends
05:01that is a little sad
05:03I mean look we're their whole lives and it occurred to me that if they had more friends we'd have
05:10less them
05:15have you worked out a budget for this
05:19all right break it up
05:21what what do you want we just saw you
05:24I just brought you some leftovers
05:27they don't qualify as leftovers if they're still warm
05:31let's watch some highlights
05:33Frank you already watched this game
05:36so I know how good the highlights will be
05:39let's not ruin these by talking
05:46so gosh Marie it must feel so liberating to own the house now huh
05:51yeah
05:51oh my gosh think of all the things you can do now
05:53like um you could entertain more
05:56yeah we just had a party what are we studio 54
06:02but really you deserve your own social life you know
06:06especially now that all your house obligations are over and we seem to be managing
06:11now might be the perfect time for you to just say
06:14hi neighbor
06:19I got all the friends I need right here
06:23you see Debra
06:24I mean I would love to start entertaining again
06:27but if we have guests what am I supposed to do with this
06:33tell him that you lost a bet and you got to clean and feed him for another year
06:44come on
06:45I mean we all know that Frank can be a lot of fun
06:48hey you know who else is a lot of fun
06:50the Mowers next door
06:52I like the Mowers
06:53no can do
06:55no why
06:56because I may or may not recently have flipped one of them the bird
07:03what
07:06he was trying to put a piece of garbage in a garbage can
07:10well that's no reason to flip them a bird
07:14see I can't have the garbage man thinking I dye my hair
07:19uh
07:21so then all that is natural
07:27hey
07:28you know what's cool
07:29the Stipes
07:31yes the Stipes
07:32yeah
07:33who
07:33you remember
07:34the uh
07:35those old
07:36nice people that
07:37Robert lived with the first time he moved out
07:39yeah
07:40if they're still alive they're very friendly
07:44I ran into the husband in a hardware store
07:47he's actually not a jerk
07:48well see it sounds like you guys would have a blast together
07:51probably would
07:53but what are we supposed to do with these Stipes
07:55I don't know
07:57you could uh
07:57invite them over for dinner
07:59or drinks
08:02you could play guess what I forgot
08:16what
08:17what about a board game
08:19yes yes
08:20a board game
08:21great idea
08:22great idea
08:22that's a good idea Debra
08:24Frank
08:24we're having company
08:26they better like swearing
08:33well
08:34well what should we do
08:35should we call them
08:36only as soon as possible
08:39yeah
08:39you know who has a number robber
08:41who lives in your house right now
08:43oh
08:43I have so many menu ideas
08:45yeah we're all very excited
08:47out of the chair
08:48I just want to watch
08:51yeah well you go outside
08:52mom's outside
08:52you're gonna go play with your new friends
08:54here he comes
08:55here he goes
09:04I know that dance
09:05that's the
09:05I wanna have sex with Ray dance
09:09and here's my if you insistence
09:19this is fun
09:20this is like a date
09:21yeah
09:23except on a date
09:24you never got to level two
09:25hey
09:27come on
09:28come on
09:29come on
09:30okay
09:31oh dear
09:34move over
09:35hey Harry
09:37see Harry
09:37I told you
09:38he was home
09:40how may we help you
09:41yeah
09:42you know
09:43Harry's a big fan
09:44of your column
09:45and he wouldn't let up
09:45until we swung by
09:46to say hello
09:48hello
09:51so listen
09:51it's so nice to see you
09:53thanks for dropping by
09:54hey Ray
09:54I told Harry
09:56you would let him see
09:56tomorrow's column today
09:58you know what I really like
09:59if you tell me
10:00tomorrow's scores
10:02then I could make some bets
10:08what are you doing
10:09why why'd you bring them here
10:11well
10:11they wanted to see you
10:13well yeah
10:14but but Debra and I
10:15we were
10:16happy
10:18just five minutes
10:19well no ma
10:19no no
10:20no
10:20why don't
10:21what are you making such a big fuss over it
10:23our friends wanted to see you
10:25I want them to see you
10:28all right
10:29okay
10:30I'm sorry
10:32I'm sorry people like you so much
10:35I'm sorry that I'm proud of you
10:37I'm sorry that you
10:39that I raised you to be a nice boy
10:47five minutes
10:48okay
10:50I tell you Ray
10:52you got the life
10:55sports writer
10:56you got to go to different places
10:58meet famous athletes
11:00yeah well yeah
11:01they could be worse jobs
11:02hey Ray
11:03yeah
11:04hey tell him who you met the other day
11:06no no
11:07come on dad
11:07no no
11:08come on
11:09tell him it's funny
11:10nothing
11:10Evander Holyfield sat next to me
11:13Holyfield
11:14Evander Holyfield
11:15my boy
11:16and Evander Holyfield
11:17oh
11:18he's a boxer
11:19oh
11:20try to keep up
11:25so
11:25so
11:26so
11:26what happened
11:27you know
11:28I just
11:28I said
11:30hey
11:31how you doing
11:32he said
11:32great
11:33you know
11:33yeah he's a good guy
11:34he's a good guy
11:35will you talk to him
11:36yeah sure
11:37sure
11:37you know
11:38you know like good fight
11:39huh
11:39that kind of thing
11:40yeah
11:42wow
11:43that's a terrific story
11:45yeah
11:46okay so
11:47hey dad
11:48how about the time I took you to the all-star game
11:50yeah
11:50press box
11:52oh
11:52lucky bastard
11:55our son would love this
11:57he's a regular sports nut
11:59yeah listen
12:00listen
12:00so I'm coming back from the bathroom
12:02and I see my father stand in there
12:03and
12:04I don't know what I'm thinking
12:05but I sneak up behind him
12:07and I kind of goose him a little
12:08you know
12:08yeah
12:10he turns around
12:11I goose Joe Garagiola
12:15behind
12:17I look like Joe Garagiola
12:24yeah yeah
12:25he's a good guy too
12:26Joe's a good guy
12:27yeah yeah
12:27oh isn't this fun
12:29I'm so glad you came over
12:30oh we are too
12:31us too
12:32us too
12:32oh
12:33Chinese here
12:34what do we got
12:35hey Deb
12:35get some forks
12:37you know what would be nice
12:39is some tea
12:39or make some tea
12:40I wouldn't mind some tea
12:42hey you know who used to like tea
12:44Joe DiMaggio
12:45no
12:45that's right
12:46Mr. Coffee
12:49Mr. Coffee
12:50and you know what
12:50you know who used to like coffee
12:52Mr. T
13:07hey Swizzle
13:08hey don't get comfortable
13:09the Stipes are over visiting your parents again
13:11we got to get out of here
13:12in case they decide to drop back over
13:16what about the kids
13:17Robert's babysitting
13:18do we have to go
13:20I just got home
13:20I'm tired
13:21can't we just hide
13:22no no no
13:22don't have to fuck your shirt
13:23stop it stop it stop it
13:26you don't know that they're definitely gonna come over
13:28yeah you'd probably love it if they did
13:30you could do a revival of your one man show
13:32My Fair Raymond
13:35hey
13:35I was trying to help out
13:38that's why I got stuck there
13:39and where'd you disappear to anyway
13:40I was in bed
13:41it was midnight
13:42you don't even have an intermission
13:45what do you
13:46you think I like that
13:47come on
13:48the Stipes smell like the attic
13:53hey where's the candy
13:54the kids want some candy
13:55well the kids know
13:56they're not supposed to have candy at night
13:57okay
13:59I want candy
14:05it's on top of the fridge Robert
14:07come on
14:07come on
14:08button up
14:08we gotta get going
14:09we'll call you from the restaurant
14:10so hey Ray
14:11how come you're not going over
14:12to see your new best friends
14:13the Stipes
14:14huh
14:16mom was just going on and on
14:17about how they loved your stories
14:19I was being polite
14:22you know they were my friends first
14:25they would have loved my stories too
14:26I just happened to be in a sitz bath
14:28when they came over
14:29all right Robert
14:30you won't be late
14:31come on we gotta go
14:32I'm not hungry
14:33come on I had banana splits
14:34at the office
14:35you get banana splits
14:36at the office
14:39you just have appetite
14:40just don't write you
14:42what
14:42how have you been
14:47all right
14:47let's get sucked in
14:48we're going out
14:49you understand
14:49hi
14:50there he is
14:51the man of the hour
14:53hey
14:54did you get a haircut
14:55no I just
14:56I combed her today
14:58there he goes
14:59Raymond
15:00I want you to meet
15:02our son Seth
15:04Ray Barone
15:05finally we meet
15:06hey how you doing
15:07I'm a big fan of yours
15:08oh thank you
15:09we have very similar
15:10writing styles
15:11Seth's a sports writer too
15:13oh
15:13well most of you
15:14are in internet chat rooms
15:15and uh
15:17and I call into all the
15:18sports radio shows
15:19you probably heard me
15:20Seth from Massapequa
15:23oh yeah
15:24yeah yeah
15:24great man
15:25that's great
15:26good for you
15:26listen uh
15:27we were kind of
15:27on our way out
15:28right
15:28yes
15:29wait wait
15:30where are you going
15:31we're just going out
15:31to dinner
15:32but you guys
15:32make yourself at home
15:33you know
15:34Marie knows where
15:34everything is
15:36she put it there
15:37so
15:39okay
15:39hey I read your column
15:40today
15:41great
15:41just great
15:42hey Harry says
15:43you're better than
15:44Lupica
15:44oh
15:45well thank you
15:46thank you
15:46and I love your
15:47baseball stuff
15:48thanks
15:49except you could be
15:50a little more objective
15:51about the Mets
15:57you seem to have
15:58a real axe to grind
15:59there
15:59well
16:02listen
16:02you understand
16:03that they pay me
16:03to write my opinions
16:04not to be objective
16:06you know
16:07I find that
16:08in sports writing
16:10if you pull your punches
16:11you're going to end up
16:13the one getting hit
16:13oh
16:15now that's a pro son
16:17that's why you're still
16:19on that internet
16:20hey
16:22I bow to the master
16:25hey
16:25hey Rita
16:26Harry
16:26sorry I missed you
16:28last night
16:28hey Rodney
16:29so
16:31great
16:32you know
16:33you said
16:33that story
16:33you were telling us
16:34about the squirrel
16:35that ran up your leg
16:36at the kingdom
16:37oh that was so funny
16:39oh
16:39you told them
16:41the squirrel story
16:42huh right
16:42yeah
16:42isn't that
16:43Chuck Wilson's story
16:45it's not
16:46Chuck Wilson's story
16:47yes it is
16:52I'll tell you a story
16:55I was recently
16:56gored by a bull
16:59which is about
17:002,000 times larger
17:02than a squirrel
17:04you see
17:04they were having
17:05an illegal rodeo
17:06oh here it is
17:08Raymond
17:09would you mind
17:10well you want to
17:11take my picture
17:12yes
17:12okay yeah
17:15here Rodney
17:16would you mind
17:17getting a picture
17:18of all of us
17:22why would I mind
17:24add a little insult
17:25to my injury
17:26well I want to get in
17:27us come on
17:29I'm in
17:29but I better sit down
17:30unless you want to get
17:31a shot of my garagiola
17:34this is phenomenal
17:35I'm posting this
17:36on my website
17:36hey you got
17:37some focus there
17:38I sure do
17:39everybody say
17:41Raymond
17:42Raymond
17:48beautiful
17:52I heard the garage door
17:54oh Raymond
17:56stay with us
17:58you can see her
17:59anytime
18:04hey hey
18:05where are you going
18:06I'm going to eat
18:07I would ask you
18:08to come along
18:08but I see you have
18:09a girlfriend
18:09and three boyfriends
18:10and another girlfriend
18:11oh come on look
18:11it's okay
18:12they said I could
18:13see other people
18:14okay all right
18:15I'm sorry
18:15stop
18:16you have a problem
18:17give me your keys
18:17you can't drive
18:18in this condition
18:20come on
18:21I don't have a problem
18:22this can't keep
18:23happening Ray
18:24you have a sick
18:25connection to your parents
18:26do you understand
18:26that it is sick
18:27all right
18:28we've already been
18:29over that
18:29yeah but you're worse
18:30now
18:30you don't get enough
18:31attention from your parents
18:31or you have to get
18:32an extra set
18:33you're sick
18:33okay I won't do it
18:34anymore
18:35come on I'm sorry
18:35I'm what
18:36I'm sorry
18:38come on let's go
18:39we'll sneak out
18:39we'll go eat
18:40hi Dave
18:42hi
18:43what's going on
18:44hi no nothing
18:46everything all right
18:47fine yeah
18:47yeah
18:48did you find that
18:48triple A booklet
18:49you're looking for
18:50there Debra
18:51you're stuck
18:53all right
18:54keep looking
18:56listen
18:56you know I think
18:57you and the stipes
18:59should go to your house
19:00maybe for the rest
19:00of the night
19:01because Debra and I
19:01we made plans
19:02to go out and eat
19:03oh I know I know
19:03but couldn't you
19:04just spend a few
19:05minutes with us
19:06I mean you hardly
19:07talk to Seth at all
19:08well Ma
19:08I don't even know
19:09Seth okay
19:10I don't even know
19:11the stipes
19:11the stipes are your
19:12friends
19:13why don't you
19:13just go and be
19:14with your friends
19:15because we need
19:16you Raymond
19:17what do you mean
19:18you need me
19:19why dad's in there
19:21he's funny
19:22no he's not
19:25couldn't you come
19:26in for just a few
19:27minutes
19:30no
19:31no
19:33it's enough
19:33please
19:34it's enough
19:34okay
19:35yeah
19:36it's fine
19:36I understand
19:38it's just that I
19:40I like to see you
19:41with them
19:41because
19:42you know
19:43I don't get to see
19:44you like that anymore
19:45what
19:45like what
19:47well
19:47when you come over
19:48to the house now
19:49it's just to
19:49eat or watch a game
19:51and it's different
19:52it's different to see you
19:53excited when you're
19:55talking
19:56I like it
20:07okay
20:09guess we should all
20:10go back inside
20:12really
20:13yeah
20:14okay I guess
20:15it's okay
20:16you're such a good son
20:17thank you honey
20:20he's coming back
20:25gotta give the people
20:26what they want
20:29the common misconception
20:31is that a bull will charge
20:33when shown the color red
20:34actually it's motion
20:36Ray
20:37thank god
20:40here have a seat
20:41hey no time for that
20:42Harry we gotta go
20:43we're gonna be late
20:44oh yeah you're right
20:45late for what
20:46we're taking your parents
20:48to the big senior jamboree
20:49at the VFW
20:52wow
20:53the senior jamboree
20:55well that's perfect
20:55that's perfect for you
20:56ma you'll have fun
20:57you go
20:58you'll have fun
20:59go ahead
20:59you should go too Ray
21:02what
21:03yeah you were just
21:04telling your mom
21:05that you wanted to
21:06spend more time with them
21:07yeah come on with us Ray
21:08they're giving free eye tests
21:10tonight
21:13no
21:13no I mean look
21:14no we wanted to go out to eat
21:15you know right so no
21:16but you gotta give the people
21:18what they want
21:20come on Ray
21:21you'll be a refreshment
21:23come on come on
21:24how bad is this thing
21:25sounds like a nightmare to me
21:27I'm not going
21:29bye bye
21:30I hope you like dancing Raymond
21:38Chinese
21:39love it
21:55ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
21:58ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
21:58ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
21:58ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
21:59ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
21:59ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:00ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:01ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:02ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:02ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:03ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
22:05ha
Comments