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00:28Transcribed by —
00:31Honey, I'm home.
00:33Honey, I'm home.
00:40Honey, I'm home.
00:40Honey, I'm home.
00:42Honey, I'm home.
00:57Honey, I'm home.
01:01Honey, I'm home.
01:04Honey, I'm home.
01:05Honey, I'm home.
01:08Honey, I'm home.
01:08Honey, I'm home.
01:08Honey, I'm home.
01:09Honey, I'm home.
01:10Well, I don't understand why we have to kill a dumb defenseless animal.
01:14Robert, the miracle of life is as complex as it is beautiful.
01:18To fully understand it, we need to rip its guts out.
01:22All right, class, please uncover your specimens now.
01:27Uh, uh, uh, oh boy, okay. Uh, ah, jeez.
01:34All right, I'll come around and put each animal to sleep painlessly.
01:38Huh? Psst, hey, you know what's happening, don't you?
01:45Uh, uh, okay, okay, think. Uh, uh, out the window.
01:49Yes.
01:57Okay, come on, now's your chance. Get out of here.
02:03Go, be free, come on.
02:07Uh-oh.
02:08Uh-oh.
02:09Come on, forget the window. Get down.
02:12Uh, ah.
02:13Okay, okay, okay, okay.
02:16Um...
02:19Oh, hi.
02:19Where is your specimen?
02:21Gee, uh, I left the window open and, uh, mine sort of got away.
02:26Whoops.
02:28I'll be staying after school.
02:30Oh, yeah.
02:31Mr. Sinclair, by allowing your science project to get away, you have denied yourself a valuable learning experience.
02:39And it is these experiences which develop in us the primary trait which separates us from insects and cavemen.
02:46The ability to reason.
02:50Well, what do you think it is?
02:52I have no idea.
02:54I mean, it says suggestions.
02:56Mm, well, I could use a suggestion.
03:02What's it saying?
03:04Mm, nothing yet.
03:06Hello? This is Roy. What do you suggest?
03:09I suggest that you are a complete idiot!
03:13Okay, your turn.
03:17Do I have to explain everything?
03:20Yes, sir. Apparently so, yeah.
03:22Look, the head office thinks we can benefit from listening to our employees.
03:27Uh, but we know better, right, sir?
03:29Yeah, we do.
03:30Uh, nevertheless, should the day come when you guys actually have a thought in your head, put it in the
03:35box!
03:36I think I can get my head in that box.
03:40Ugh!
03:41Write the idea on a piece of paper and put the paper in the box!
03:46Ugh!
03:48Geez.
03:49Easy for him to say. He's got the directions.
03:51Mm, well, I suggest a simpler box.
03:56It's a trap, Fran.
03:57It says suggestions, but it may as well say trap.
04:00Aw, Earl, if you came up with a good suggestion, maybe you could get a promotion.
04:04Oh, Fran, my naive little cupcake.
04:07Oblivious to the ways of the workplace.
04:10Look, look, look, look!
04:12Uh...
04:12Huh?
04:13Fran, if I put a suggestion in the box, it means I had an idea.
04:17If I had an idea, it means I had to think all day to get it.
04:20And if I'm thinking, I'm not working.
04:22And if there's a suggestion in the box with my name on it, they got proof.
04:26Trap!
04:27I can spot a trap in a second.
04:29Hey, uh, Dad, every kid should have a pet, right?
04:31Sure.
04:35Get away, get away, get away!
04:37Shh!
04:38Earl, if you want to get anywhere with the company, you have to show some initiative.
04:42I'm sure that's how Mr. Richfield got where he is.
04:45Mr. Richfield got where he is by eating his boss.
04:48Yoo-hoo, table monster!
04:49Yeah.
04:51The dinosaur I married was full of ideas.
04:56He'd have no trouble filling up that suggestion box.
04:59What happened to the dinosaur I married?
05:02He's dead, Fran.
05:03You killed him.
05:05Now let him rest in peace and eat his dinner.
05:07Look!
05:08Shh!
05:10Uh-oh.
05:11Will you...
05:12Huh?
05:13Oh.
05:24He followed me home?
05:26Oh, can we keep him?
05:27Please, please, please, please?
05:28This is not a pet.
05:29This is a wild animal.
05:30It's dirty and disgusting and doesn't know how to live indoors.
05:33Oh, come on, Dad.
05:35See?
05:39Oh, oh, oh.
05:40We'll wash him and we'll feed him and everything.
05:42Yeah, you won't even know he's here.
05:44No.
05:44They breed like rabbits.
05:46If it wasn't for us being around, they'd overrun the entire Earth.
05:48And I would worry about the baby being safe in the house with it.
05:51Baby toy!
05:52Baby toy!
05:53Baby toy!
05:54Oh, I like this!
05:55Oh, look.
05:56They're playing together.
05:58It's like he's already part of the family.
06:00Yeah, well, I suggest you don't get too attached.
06:02See, Earl?
06:03That's a suggestion.
06:05You make good suggestions.
06:07Will you get off of that?
06:08I'll just bet if you put your mind to it, you could come up with a great idea.
06:12I'll take that bet.
06:14Don't you think we should give him a name?
06:16Well, what makes you so sure it's a him?
06:18Maybe it's a her.
06:19Well, look at it.
06:20How can you tell?
06:21Let's call it Tramp.
06:22How about Sparky?
06:24Yeah, yeah.
06:27Sparky!
06:27And if you came up with a good idea, Mr. Richfield might finally appreciate you.
06:32I don't want Mr. Richfield to appreciate me.
06:35I don't want Mr. Richfield to even know I'm there.
06:37I just want to avoid him for another 30 years and drop dead lifting something heavy.
06:41That is my dream.
06:44Earl Sneed Sinclair.
06:46Here it comes.
06:48You can make a suggestion and have to face Mr. Richfield.
06:52Or not make a suggestion...
06:54And have to face me!
06:59Your wives say that too?
07:01Do ya?
07:01Uh-huh.
07:02Me too.
07:03You don't have a wife.
07:04My mother called.
07:06Roy.
07:08So, the wives are saying make a suggestion.
07:10Get a promotion.
07:11Put on a sweater.
07:12Make something of yourself.
07:14Are we gonna stand for that?
07:15No!
07:16Are we gonna be scared of our wives?
07:18No!
07:18No!
07:19No!
07:20No!
07:23Thanks the work.
07:25Nope, gone.
07:25Got a pencil?
07:26Uh, over there by the box.
07:28Thanks.
07:31I am not scared of my wife or nothing but it's best not to antagonize her.
07:40you two are you writing a suggestion suggestions what I'm now let me see
07:54which one of you I want to hear from first
08:16I hate it you better have something better than that well I'm not sure that I can
08:23all right I think Friday should be dressed-up day
08:39you perhaps it's in need of some fine-tuning I want a real suggestion
08:55in order to encourage greater productivity by the employees some sort of incentive like a guy who
09:00does the best work each month like could be the employee of the month and his name could go in
09:05a
09:05nice plaque wait I'm getting an idea an award and we'll call it employee of the month I like it
09:15yeah and the winner will come to my impressive estate and dine with me on a bag with fit for
09:22well for me it's a trip to the moon on gossamer wing sir yeah and to save me the trouble
09:28of having to go
09:29outside and look around I'm appointing you the first employee of the month would you be embarrassed
09:40by a blubbering and effeminate display of emotion sir all right now this dinner at my house uh how
09:48about tomorrow oh that's good for me bb well it's not good for me I'm having my bathroom re-ground
09:55it
09:55so let's do it at your house problem no no no no because uh su casa ah two colleagues conferring
10:05over dinner exchanging ideas like equals bonding without touching are you still here oh yes right
10:13sir I better get back out there and keep sort of a supervisory eye on all those non-employees of
10:20the
10:20month yeah yeah get out and watch out for your uh
10:28sheesh did I actually faint in front of the big boss something miraculous has happened to me
10:34something that will alter the very course of my life well at least my bladder held after 20 years
10:40of knocking down trees I'm finally on my way up so it's been a good day for both of us
10:46yeah
10:52and here we are lucky enough to witness the rarely seen human mating ritual we sought to gently control
11:01the specimen with the tranquilizer gun oh Phil tags the ear and releases the slightly confused biped back
11:11into the wild for future study you know it's almost as if they can think they actually have large brains
11:22it's right here in the big book of cavemen see yo ho yo ho the mighty megalosaurus returns to home
11:29and heart
11:30with news ask me ask me
11:34not on the mouth now sparky sit sadly somebody here knows how to greet an up-and-coming executive
11:42earl what happened what happened gather round dependents I'll tell you what happened to daddy
11:48that will dramatically alter our standard of living upward through the roof little girl oh daddy daddy let me
11:56get your slippers give me those come on come on hurry up oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it was a
12:03remarkable
12:04moment mr richfield and I were in conference when I had an idea of such dazzling brilliance that I
12:10walked out of the meeting employee of the month does this mean you'll be getting a raise salary and perks
12:19to be determined later charlene oh like tomorrow night when mr richfield comes to our house for
12:26dinner whoa he's coming here tomorrow night not now boy I have to come up with some wonderful
12:34new ideas to impress the boss tomorrow night dad you're not going to turn into one of those land
12:39raping executive types are you you if they'll only give me the chance oh and franny franny i want your
12:46mother here for dinner are you sure earl am i sure i want your mother here after all these years
12:53of
12:53telling me i'm a big nothing to witness my ascension into the stratosphere of the business world oh yes
12:59i do think so and tell her for dessert we're having humble pie and she doesn't get any
13:26sparky
13:26no that poo poo platter is for mr richfield now don't you worry we didn't forget you
13:32mm doesn't this look good
13:51oh oh oh boy oh that's him that's him everybody stay calm keep a light don't panic don't panic get
14:00down for god's sake
14:02get down and be polite don't walk out of turn oh and if you bite something off of you don't
14:08worry
14:08it'll go back okay daddy's job won't oh calm down calm down that's it we're equals we're equals
14:21thank you for coming this is the greatest moment of my life think nothing of it fat boy which way's
14:27the food
14:29there they are there's my beautiful family hi mom hello friend darling robbie charlene i have money
14:37who has kisses grandma
14:41all right oh nice hat hi there's a caveman in the house a caveman got in the house call the
14:50exterminator
14:51grandma grandma it's okay this is sparky our new pet yeah this is man robbie man's not a pet man's
14:58one of
14:59scratches mistakes ethel and here comes the other one hearty har har athel hahahaha get him in while
15:06you can because it all ends tonight after 20 years of taking lip from you it's payback time
15:12that's right tonight my boss me amigo is gonna come to my house to have dinner and suggestions
15:19from his esteemed colleague, me.
15:22He'll be walking through that door any second now.
15:41Hey, can I get you here?
15:58I've lost all feeling in this arm.
16:00Honey, I don't think he's coming.
16:03He's probably stuck in a meteor shower.
16:05He's trying desperately to get here.
16:08Daddy, is it okay if we go to bed now?
16:11Yeah, go ahead.
16:12I'll wake you up when he gets here.
16:15Come here.
16:18I better put the baby to bed.
16:21Oh, hey, what's happening?
16:23Oh, something's wrong.
16:25Baby's moving.
16:28Oh, it's the mama.
16:30I'm all secure.
16:32You'll always be husband of the month to me, Earl.
16:36Don't make me hate you, friend.
16:44Well, he's lost, Dad.
16:46We were all rooting for you.
16:54Get away, get away.
16:59Hey, fat boy, this was the greatest night of my life.
17:03Ethel, if I could move my arm, I'd crack your head like a coconut.
17:06Yeah, but you can't.
17:08And you're too stupid to realize you got another arm.
17:20Oh, you poor guy.
17:28Oh, you poor guy.
17:42Always waiting around for me to throw you a crumb of affection.
17:46And you'd wait all night, wouldn't you?
17:50Just like I did.
17:54You're a good boy, Spocky.
17:56And I appreciate your loyalty.
17:59I was loyal, too, for 20 years.
18:02I thought I was going places, but I guess I'm not.
18:08Well, I'm going to give you a promotion.
18:12I'm going to set you free.
18:15That's right.
18:20I'm going to let you go.
18:21I'm going to let you go.
18:21I'm going to let you go.
18:22Robby?
18:22You know, I still don't understand why we have to let him go, Dad.
18:28Robby?
18:28It's not natural to keep one of God's creatures at the end of a leash, leading a life of absolute
18:33desperation and zero hope.
18:35But Sparky seems so happy with us.
18:38I'm not talking about Sparky.
18:40I'm talking about me.
18:41So, wait a minute.
18:43We're keeping Sparky and letting you go?
18:45No, son.
18:46I'm more highly evolved than Sparky.
18:48I have a job, a home, a family.
18:51I'm trapped good.
18:54Whoa.
18:55But it's not too late for Sparky to be put back where he belongs with his own kind.
18:59Where there are no masters saying fetch or heal or make a suggestion.
19:05Look, Dad.
19:06There's one of his kind.
19:16Oh, I think Sparky's found himself a little lady.
19:25Hey, go get her, Sparky.
19:33Well, this is it, boy.
19:36Now, you take care of yourself and stay away from science class, okay?
19:40Bye.
19:45Not on the mouth.
19:48Goodbye, buddy.
19:50You're free now.
19:51And if anybody gives you any guff, you tell them,
19:53I'm one of God's creatures and I deserve respect.
19:58Now, go.
20:01Go on.
20:13Well, bye, Sparky.
20:25Hey, Dad, isn't that Mr. Richfield's trailer?
20:30Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
20:33A lucky thing for him, he ain't there, the mood I'm in.
20:35Well, his light's on, Dad.
20:37Huh?
20:37Yeah.
20:39Well, uh, lucky for him, it's a school night.
20:41Let's go, Robbie.
20:42Come on.
20:43Dad, Dad, what better opportunity will you ever have to show your son what his father's made of?
20:51All right.
20:53Wait here.
20:54This won't be pretty.
20:56What a lousy life I'm having.
20:58Proud of you, Dad.
21:00Go get help.
21:02Aw.
21:03Uh, excuse me, Mr. Richfield, sir, but I have something that needs to be said.
21:10I'm busy, Sinclair.
21:11You should have called.
21:12Who are you to tell me what to do?
21:14I'm one of God's creatures and I demand you treat me with respect.
21:18You've got a lot of nerve, Sinclair.
21:20I like nerve.
21:22I like you.
21:23I like the way you think.
21:25I like the way you dress.
21:27Has anybody ever told you you're a good-looking guy?
21:31Well, thank you, sir.
21:33Uh, you're not so bad yourself.
21:36Uh, so, um, you need a little money?
21:41Nah.
21:43I'm okay.
21:45Well, you stop in any time because you're the employee of the month.
21:50And no one can take that away from you.
21:52Yeah, right.
21:53I hope I wasn't too rough with you there, BB.
21:56I just had to get it off my chest.
22:00Well, let's go home, son.
22:03You know, Dad, when someone pushes me around, I hope I have the guts to be just like you.
22:06So do I, son.
22:08So do I.
22:11See you next time.
22:13Bye-bye.
22:13Bye-bye.
22:17Bye-bye.
22:26Bye-bye.
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