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TVTranscript
00:00I
00:30Honey, I'm home.
01:02So, Earl, how was your day?
01:03Yes, dear, whatever you say.
01:07So, kids, what's new in school?
01:09Sure, Mom.
01:10I'll get to it.
01:13What's new with you?
01:15Shh, Mom!
01:19Welcome back to Pangea's Funniest Home Injuries.
01:26And now, here's a father and son playing catch
01:28a little too near an active volcano
01:30and giving new meaning to the expression
01:32go deep.
01:34Go deep! I can reach you!
01:36Go deep!
01:37I got it! I got it!
01:39I got it! I got it!
01:49You know, Earl, I had something funny happen to me today.
01:53On video?
01:54In my life.
01:57I want to talk at the dinner table.
01:59We don't see each other all day,
02:01and I think we should talk to each other at the dinner table.
02:04Mom, we can talk any time.
02:05Pangea's Funniest Home Injuries is only on right now.
02:08But then you'll want to watch whatever show comes on next.
02:11Oh, but that's a totally different show.
02:13What is it?
02:14Pangea's Second Funniest Home Injuries.
02:15I actually like that one much better.
02:17We don't get that much time together as a family,
02:20and I...
02:21You're thinking too hard.
02:22Relax.
02:24Look at the bright colors.
02:25It's nice.
02:28Come on, honey.
02:29Turn that thing off.
02:37Pangea!
02:38Pangea! Pangea!
03:01Oh, jeez, hurry up.
03:08Now, here is DNN News Correspondent Howard Handupman.
03:12A meteor watch has been put into effect
03:15throughout the Pangean Panhandle.
03:17Scientists have specifically pinpointed
03:19this particular house as the point of probable impact.
03:22Come on, come on.
03:24What does this have to do with me?
03:25Uh, uh, Dad?
03:27What?
03:28I think that's our house.
03:30Nah.
03:33Uh, yeah, I think so.
03:35Nah.
03:37Nah.
03:38Not the mama.
03:40Nah.
03:41Huh?
03:42Huh?
03:42Yeah, look!
03:47Hey, hey, hey!
03:48Hey, Fred!
03:49Come here, come here!
03:51Look at this!
03:51I'm on TV!
03:53Hey, everybody!
03:55It's the Earl Show!
04:01Here are chicks just right for some kisses!
04:06And I'm mean to kiss me a few, oh, hey!
04:11Oh, those chicks!
04:13Oh, yes!
04:13Don't know what to miss!
04:16I got a lot of living!
04:19It's a deal!
04:25Again!
04:28We've been canceled.
04:29We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.
04:47Okay.
04:48Well, I've finished my preliminary claim inspection, Mr. Sinclair,
04:51and I would appraise the damage sustained here at approximately...
04:53Don't try and cheat me on this,
04:55because I know you insurance guys.
04:56You have absolutely no ethics.
04:58Well, how much would you say your television set was worth?
05:01$10,000.
05:03Hmm?
05:04Good thing I fought for that extra media coverage, huh?
05:07Well, for us, yes.
05:08But if you refer to that large bound volume we sent you, labeled exclusions,
05:12you'll find that a meteor is only a meteor until it enters the Earth's atmosphere,
05:16at which time it becomes a meteorite.
05:20We're not gonna get any money, are we?
05:22Not unless your house was hovering in space at the time it was...
05:25Right.
05:25It was, it was.
05:26You could ask anybody, I swear!
05:31I don't see this as a loss at all.
05:33I see this as our chance to spend time talking to each other.
05:36I see this as a blessing in disguise.
05:58What exactly is this blessing disguised as, Fran?
06:01Misery, awkwardness?
06:04Oh, I know.
06:05It's disguised as mind-numbing boredom.
06:09Look, we're not used to communicating.
06:12We've lost the art of conversation.
06:15Earl, tell me about your day.
06:17I don't wanna.
06:18At least ask your children what happened in school today.
06:21What happened in school today, Robbie?
06:24Uh, may I be excused?
06:26I don't see why not.
06:27Oh, thanks.
06:28Don't you get out of that chair.
06:30Uh...
06:30No one gets out of their chair until we talk to each other like a family.
06:34Oh, this is vicious.
06:36Fine, Charlene.
06:37You can go first.
06:39Tell us about your day.
06:41Okay.
06:42Well, I went to school.
06:44Nothing's going on there.
06:45There was a book or something.
06:48Then I, uh, went to the mall.
06:50Oh, this is good.
06:52They had a booth, and they analyzed my skin,
06:54and it turns out I have combination scales.
06:58Some are oily, and some are dry, and some are in between.
07:02Now, here's where it gets really interesting.
07:04They blended me, a custom scale moisturizer,
07:08emollient, lusturizer, conditioner mousse,
07:11with a pH balance and a sun protection factor,
07:14which coincidentally matches the combination body splash gel,
07:17and came in a free carrying case with a luma.
07:21Uh...
07:22Robbie, imagine running into you here.
07:25Tell me all about you.
07:27Let's get to know each other.
07:28Gee, Mom, I'm not that interesting.
07:31Don't fight it, son.
07:32The more you struggle, the more painful it'll be.
07:35Okay.
07:36Um, there is something I've been thinking about,
07:38and I wouldn't mind hearing what the family thinks.
07:41I'm a little confused about the nature of reality.
07:45No kidding.
07:47Like, like if a tree falls in the forest,
07:49and nobody's around to see it or hear it,
07:52did it actually fall?
07:54Ooh, now that is intriguing.
07:56Who can build on that?
07:58Where are you going?
07:59I'm going to see if the tree fell.
08:00I'll be back in a couple of days.
08:02If you leave this house,
08:04I will never talk to you again.
08:06Throw in the rest of the family,
08:08then you got yourself a deal.
08:16Free with your paid subscription to Dinosaur Sports.
08:21Hmm?
08:24What?
08:25The rock is ringing.
08:28Wow!
08:29It's a phone!
08:30It's a rock!
08:32It's a rock phone!
08:34Yellow?
08:35Yeah?
08:37Sounds great.
08:38Hello, the TV.
08:39I missed you.
08:41Did you miss me?
08:42Yep.
08:43Tough day there without the TV, huh, Pally Boy?
08:45Oh, yeah.
08:46Did I miss anything?
08:47You kidding?
08:48First of all, on Odo's Beckleson,
08:52Arnie's son Mikey got picked on by a bully at school,
08:55and Arnie had to teach him a valuable lesson about life.
08:58Hmm.
08:59I've never seen anything like that.
09:01Yeah, well, those guys are breaking new ground every week.
09:05Jeez.
09:06What else did I miss?
09:08Oh, wait.
09:08Dan, on We're Not Even Related, But Somehow We're All Living Together?
09:12That's a great show.
09:14When Dolores and Stan go out for the evening,
09:18teenage Billy throws a party.
09:20And trouble erupts.
09:22Did it turn out all right?
09:24Everyone learned a valuable lesson about life.
09:28And I was wasting these precious hours with my family.
09:31Yeah.
09:32I gotta get a new TV.
09:34Yeah?
09:36How much does one like that cost now?
09:39Oh, seven or eight hundred bucks.
09:41Oh, I could never afford that.
09:43And those Becklesons are gonna learn more and more valuable lessons about life,
09:47and I'm gonna get left behind.
09:49What am I gonna do?
09:51Would you like to own this gorgeous, 90-inch, stereophonic, surround-sound, state-of-the-art, really, really big-tube
09:57television?
09:59Yes!
09:59Well, you could, if you and your entire family appear as contestants on television's favorite family game show,
10:04The Family Challenge!
10:06Hey, I got a family!
10:09Of course, I'd have to split the TV with them.
10:12Ah, what the heck!
10:15Now, the most important thing is, always save your double coupons for the more expensive items.
10:21Is that my wonderful family?
10:25I'm not talking to you.
10:27Fran, I thought long and hard, and I think you were right.
10:30We should do more things together as a family.
10:33Like what?
10:33Well, you know, something that'll teach us to nurture and share and improve our general knowledge of trivia.
10:39What are you talking about?
10:41Well, hey, I don't know. Nothing planned. No agenda.
10:44Off the top of my head, a game show.
10:48The Family Challenge.
10:49What?
10:50You wanna go on it with the family?
10:51A TV game show?
10:53I don't know.
10:54Come on, come on. It'll be great.
10:57What do you think, kids?
11:01All in favor, sit there motionless.
11:03It's unanimous, Fran.
11:07See you, Fran?
11:15Seen this one.
11:17Seen this one.
11:20As you know, we have been accepted as contestants on the Family Challenge, which leaves us 30 days to absorb
11:26all the knowledge in the world.
11:28Now, some of us might not make it.
11:30Uh, how are we supposed to get so smart so fast?
11:33No problem.
11:35As you can see, I have separated all known dinosaur wisdom into three categories.
11:41Animal, vegetable, rocks.
11:43Well, what about fire?
11:45Vegetable.
11:46What about water?
11:48Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable.
11:52What's the opposite of a vegetable?
11:54Fruit.
11:55So, water is a fruit.
11:57Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock.
12:01We know it's not an animal.
12:03Therefore, fruit is a rock.
12:05Daddy, I asked you about water.
12:08Could we hold all the questions until the end of the lecture, please?
12:13Not the TV!
12:16I don't want to do this.
12:18Charlene.
12:18Why not?
12:19Well, you know, I'm used to being embarrassed by you guys on the local level.
12:22I don't know how I feel about being humiliated nationally.
12:26Charlene, your father's just trying to organize a family activity.
12:29That's right.
12:30And when you're a little older, Charlene, perhaps you'll realize that family is all you really have in the world
12:35and all you really need.
12:37I've come to be on the game show.
12:40Who needs you?
12:42Grandma Ethel is part of the family.
12:45She's the annoying part of the family, Fran.
12:48I guess you won't need any help with the ancient history questions.
12:51And what makes you the ancient history expert?
12:54I was there.
12:57Mom!
12:58Welcome to the team!
13:01Yes.
13:07Robbie, ask me another one.
13:09Dad, you haven't gotten one right yet.
13:11I'm finding my rhythm.
13:13Go ahead, ask me, ask me.
13:14Okay, okay.
13:15What can fish do underwater that dinosaurs can't?
13:19Sing!
13:21Wrong.
13:21Breathe.
13:23We can't breathe underwater?
13:24No.
13:25That stinks!
13:27Oh, why don't we know any of this stuff?
13:29Why aren't we smarter?
13:30Why haven't we reached our full potential?
13:33What has held us back?
13:34Don't touch that dial.
13:38Your mileage may differ.
13:40Tell him what he's won, Bob.
13:42How hot was it?
13:44This concludes our broadcast day.
13:48You think it could be television?
13:51Oh, Fran, what if you're right?
13:53We've done nothing but watch television our whole lives.
13:56And now we know nothing.
13:58Now we're suffering the consequences.
14:03Now we're missing the Winky the Moose show.
14:06And they said if you only see one Winky the season, tonight's the one.
14:10Earl, we can change what we've become starting right now.
14:14You know, when you first came up with the idea of us going on a game show,
14:18I thought there must be some ulterior motive.
14:20Motive?
14:21You thought that?
14:24But now I see it for what it is.
14:26It's exactly what you said.
14:28It's our chance to learn together and grow closer as a family.
14:38Oh, oh, oh, cumulus.
14:41Yes, right on.
14:46Wow.
14:47Yay!
14:51All right.
14:53Here is the concept of gravity.
14:56Now watch closely.
15:00Mm-hmm.
15:01Mm-hmm.
15:02Ah!
15:17I never realized how lovely it could be sitting here with my family,
15:23sharing these lovely moves.
15:29Now it's time once again to play the world's first and most popular game show,
15:34The Family Challenge!
15:37And here's Mr. Family Challenge himself,
15:40Buddy Glimmer!
15:43Hey, thank you!
15:45Thank you!
15:46Ha-ha!
15:47Okay, now let's meet our families.
15:49First, our challengers.
15:50Let's hear it for the Sinclairs!
15:53Yes!
15:54Hi, Pat, my buddy, I'm Earl.
15:57Oh, ladies, ladies, just like to meet the ladies.
16:00And this delightful lovely is...
16:02Oh, Charlene Sinclair.
16:04Of course you are.
16:06Oh, and who is this vision of loveliness?
16:09I'm Fran Sinclair, homemaker and proud mother of three.
16:13Oh, yes.
16:17Give me a big, wet one.
16:19Mm-hmm.
16:21And let's say hello to our returning champions.
16:23The Nielsen family!
16:25Hey!
16:25Oh!
16:26Ha-ha!
16:26So, Nielsen, so what have you been up to since last time?
16:29Oh, just sitting around the house watching television, I guess.
16:33Ha-ha-ha!
16:34Television's our life.
16:35Ha-ha-ha!
16:37Any favorite shows?
16:38Oh, just about every one of them, buddy.
16:40Ha-ha-ha!
16:42Well, introduce us to your family, would ya?
16:44Sure, buddy.
16:45This is my wife, Gladys.
16:47Hello!
16:47She handles the remote, and my son, he brings me Chip.
16:51Hi.
16:51What's his name, dear?
16:52Chip.
16:53Chip, and my daughter Sally on the end.
16:55Hi, buddy.
16:57Ha-ha-ha!
16:57Fran, I forgot how much I used to enjoy the TV.
17:00Uh-huh.
17:00But you know, I haven't seen television in a month now, and it just doesn't seem so important
17:04to me anymore.
17:04Uh-huh.
17:05And here are today's categories.
17:08TV last week.
17:09TV last night.
17:12TV.
17:13TV.
17:15TV potpourri.
17:18And families.
17:20Oh!
17:21On TV.
17:23Ah!
17:24What an unpleasant coincidence.
17:26Champions select!
17:30TV last night, buddy.
17:32On last night's episode of Where's My Trousers, what did Bernie find hanging in his closet?
17:40Ah, Sinclair!
17:41What?
17:42I'll take the curtain, Bob.
17:44No, no, no, no.
17:46What?
17:46No, no, no, no.
17:46Come on, Dad, we can figure this out.
17:48Oh, yeah.
17:49We used to watch TV.
17:51Okay.
17:51Um, um, uh, it's hanging in his closet.
17:55Yeah.
17:56So, then it would have to be...
18:00An isosceles triangle!
18:02Yeah!
18:08Wrong!
18:09Wrong!
18:09And that ends round two, with the Nilsons leading at 3,460 and the Sinclairs at, uh, five.
18:18Well, Earl Sinclair, it looks like you've lost that beautiful grand prize 90-inch collar television set.
18:25Television set?
18:26Is that the reason you wanted to be on this show?
18:29That's what you had in mind all along?
18:32No, no, no!
18:34No!
18:35Yes!
18:36But only at first.
18:37That was before we spent those weeks learning together as a family.
18:41I loved that.
18:42I would never trade that for some big TV set.
18:46Well, that's very easy to say now that there's no chance of winning.
18:49I mean it.
18:50If he offered me one more chance to win that set right now, I wouldn't take it.
18:54Well, Sinclairs, you've got one more chance to win this 90-inch surround sound, really, really big tube television, in
19:03our sudden death playoff round.
19:05And since you're behind, Sinclairs, way behind, it's your choice.
19:12You can either test your knowledge with one more TV question you have almost no chance of getting right,
19:17or square off for an exciting winner-take-all fight to the death with Mr. Nilsson in our patented cage
19:27of doom.
19:34It's your choice, Earl Sinclairs, in our sudden death round.
19:40Ah?
19:42Well, Earl, what will it be?
19:48Kill him, Daddy!
19:50Eat his head, fat boy.
19:51We'll bet it all, Bob!
19:54Well, Earl Sinclairs, what will it be?
19:57The cage, or the question?
20:01Cage of doom!
20:04I'll take the question, buddy.
20:06You will?
20:07What?
20:08What?
20:09Maybe I didn't explain this.
20:11I understood.
20:12Just give it to me.
20:12Bring it up.
20:14Yay!
20:16Tuesday night was a very special episode of Oh, Those Becklesons.
20:20For the big screen TV and the game,
20:22what very valuable lesson did Benji Beckleson learn about life?
20:31Daddy!
20:33Well, buddy, he learned that television shows come and go.
20:38And sometimes you feel attached to the characters on TV.
20:42But what life really comes down to isn't TV.
20:46It's the love between your family and me.
20:49Boy, are you way off!
20:51He learned never to give the lower species the keys to the father's car.
20:55Well, that's valuable, too.
20:56And the Nielsen's are our winners again!
20:58Yay!
21:01Well, Sinclairs, we always like to say here on the Family Challenge,
21:05there are no losers.
21:06But let's face it, you stink!
21:08Hey, we may stink,
21:10but at least we stink as a family.
21:12But nobody leaves the Family Challenge empty-handed.
21:15Even though you didn't win our grand prize 90-inch TV,
21:19you go home with this perfectly lovely 13-inch portable set.
21:28And Robbie, I saw your teacher, Mr. Pullman, at the supermarket.
21:32And he told me how much fun it was seeing you on television last night.
21:36And he said you've been doing much better in school lately.
21:39By the way, Charlene,
21:41everybody I run into tells me how attractive you looked.
21:44Some dinosaurs are just naturally photogenic.
21:54Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
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