#nostalgia #tvcommercials #videogamecommercials #gamingcommercials #oldvideogamecommercials #90scommercials #90sads #1990scommercials #2000scommercials #2000sads #2001commercials #1991 #1992 #blockbuster #tacobell #nintendo #nintendocommercials #mcdonalds #dailymotion #youtube #facebook #twitter #twitch #motiongraphics #deezer #tv #dlive #instagram #stream #motion #twitchstreamer #fightingmentalillness #twitchclips #twitchretweet #twitchaffiliate #twitchshare #ant #scribaland #tiktok #greece #spotify #gelio #games #vimeo #google #motionmate #youtuber #greekquotes #vhs #fullmovies #fullmovie #Music #Video #Funny #Gaming #Viral #Trending #Movie #Trailers #Sports #News #Entertainment #Education #Howto #DIY #Travel #Food #Animals #Cars #Technology #Science #top #acharliebrownthanksgiving #timetraveltv #charliebrown #2000 #a #animated #movie #movies #anime #videogames
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:28Transcribed by ESO. Translated by —
00:38We think it's time you tried
00:40Hilla Bean's Decaf
00:41Because coffee without the caffeine
00:43Is like sex without the costumes
00:45And remember
00:46Happy Time Pure Sucrose Breakfast Cereal
00:48Gives you that
00:49Large tumor-like growth
00:51On the wall of your stomach
00:52But for cleaner, brighter, fluffier sheets
00:55Tonight's episode
00:56The Clan
00:57Have you ever seen anything
00:59So white
00:59The All Sports Network
01:01The All News Network
01:02The All Potato Cakes Network
01:04The Mismat Buddy Company Network
01:06The Roadkill Identification Network
01:08The Let's Talkin' Pig Latin Network
01:10The Skin Disease Network
01:12The Vacuum Cleaner Bank
01:14No! Do I have to sit here all day
01:16Looking for something to watch?
01:17Nope, nope, yeah, uh-uh, no way, negatory
01:19Not, never, nope, uh-uh, cannell, are you kidding, forget it
01:22Uh-uh, bochco, nope, uh-uh, no thanks, milliboy yet
01:24Nope, no chance, nada
01:25Where are the quality shows?
01:27The shows that stimulate your mind
01:28That enrich the human condition
01:30Ah, gunfire
01:32For those of you who have just tuned in
01:34To tonight's episode of
01:35Crazed Postal Worker
01:36This week's disgruntled former employee
01:38Turned homicidal gunman
01:40Is holding his hostages
01:41Behind the stamps-only window
01:42Talk about your entertainment
01:44And no family around
01:45To hog the TV
01:46That's right, our organization is pre-need
01:49We're teaching people to make ceramic ashes with their teeth
01:52In case they become handicapped
01:54Oh, sorry, Mr. President
01:56I'd love to talk more about you and the First Lady getting involved
01:59But my favorite show's about to begin
02:01Five more minutes and we'll have a formula
02:04For putting all the nutritional elements a child will ever need
02:07Into a chocolate hollow
02:08Oh, but that would mean missing the show
02:14Uh-oh, yet again I've loaded Aunt Bernice's priceless Ming Dynasty China
02:19In the trash compactor
02:21Time for the show
02:22I'll let Dodd take the blame
02:24An unwitty woman is coming to the post office with her mail
02:27Obviously, none of us wants bloodshed
02:29But warning her would violate our code of ethics about media intrusion
02:33Let's watch
02:34Lady
02:36You forgot to use the nine-digit sip code
02:52Mother Mirabelle's home miracle network
02:55Who was watching that?
02:57Shh!
02:58Thank you, thank you
02:59I'm Mother Mirabelle and welcome to the home miracle network
03:03Having trouble breathing
03:06I'd like to start the day by sharing a little miracle of my own
03:11We were number one in our time slot again last week
03:15With that most important of them all demographic group
03:19People with disposable income
03:22Messing out soon
03:26Well, well, will you look at all the believers I have with me today
03:31Did you have a miracle to share with us, sir?
03:35I contacted my dead mother using dominoes and a pair of pliers
03:38It's a miracle
03:41I had fleas and ticks, but I bathed in low-fat milk and now I only have ticks
03:45It's a miracle
03:47I finished the TV Guide crossword puzzle for the first time in my life
03:52It's a miracle
03:53Oh, miracles indeed
03:56And now, before we bring out our celebrity guest to appraise me and my chauffeur small fee
04:02It's time to gaze upon our holy shrine
04:06The miracle that makes all our miracles happen
04:09That preternatural portrait
04:11That possessed peace dart
04:13That painting from the promised land
04:17Poor lady of the weeping souls
04:23Get out of the way
04:47Get out of the way
04:52Holy
04:52And now, I have a relationship by hundreds of people in this cable district
04:54Duck man
04:55Your children are pleading for your help
04:57Besides, it's not like you're ever busy working on other cases
05:00Dot's a detective?
05:02Forget it!
05:03I'm not gonna lower myself by helping some pandering preacher find her bogus painting
05:06This whole thing's just one big scam
05:08Cooked up by an obvious phony
05:09You'll do anything to make a buck
05:10She says she'll pay handsomely for its return
05:13Don't wait up
05:20Huh, look at these people, Corny
05:23They're being led around like a bunch of sheep
05:26Interesting how the need for substance in an unexamined life oftentimes breeds gullibility
05:30Exactly
05:31Ah, it's Elvis!
05:34We're back
05:35And we're sorry to report that miracles seem to be in short supply
05:40Since the fountainhead of all our miracles were stolen
05:43But the blessed mother of the weeping souls has spoken to me in a vision
05:48Yes!
05:49And she said unto me, Mirabelle
05:51Even though I'm gone, I want you to carry on
05:54Because your believers need you
05:56Because the world needs you
05:58Because this month is sweeps
06:00Amen!
06:02Sir, you're a believer
06:03Even with the blessed mother gone
06:05Surely you have a miracle to share
06:08Oh, me?
06:09Oh, gosh, I ran into my old girlfriend last week
06:12Well, that was more of a coincidence, really
06:15Actually, I was stalking her
06:18You, ma'am!
06:19You, believer!
06:20Tell me a miracle!
06:22Oh, well, I...
06:23I was driving this morning and I hit a green light
06:27And then I hit a red one
06:29Or maybe it was the other way around
06:32People, maybe it's not as easy as I'd hoped
06:35We do need that painting bag
06:38Perhaps you can help
06:40Perhaps a small donation can get us started
06:43Take mine!
06:44Me first!
06:45Me first!
06:46Take mine!
06:47Me!
06:47I am!
06:48I am!
06:48I am!
06:48I am!
06:49I am!
06:49I am!
06:49I am!
06:50Forget Mother Mirabelle, this crowd needs Father Thorazine
06:53What the hell are you staring at?
06:56What about you?
06:57You seem to have something to share
06:59Me?
07:00Yeah
07:01I do have something to share
07:03Duckman, didn't you schedule a colonic this afternoon?
07:06In fact, I have a miracle to share
07:09It's a miracle you Moon Knight zombies fall for this Mother Mirabilge!
07:13She's a fake!
07:14She's taking your money!
07:15She's a bigger ripoff than those talk to a nympho in prison hotlines
07:18That double charge her on your phone bill
07:20When they know you can't do a thing about it
07:21Cause you can't tell anyone you ever called her in the first place
07:25So, so I've heard
07:26Look, I for one am glad that Peyton's gone
07:29Now maybe you can spend your time believing in something that really matters
07:32Like your horoscope
07:35Well, we're certainly tolerant of all points of view
07:39Make a move in your dead meat
07:42Does wetting myself count as moving?
07:49Well, since you are a detective
07:52And I do have something to find
07:57I accept your apology
07:59How much do you charge?
08:01Well, um, in order to find out who took it
08:05We'll need to set up round-the-clock surveillance
08:07High-powered telescopes
08:08A parabolic mic
08:09Catered meals
08:10Four buxom assistants
08:11A VCR and a big-screen TV
08:12A barco-launcher
08:12The complete Ross Meyer videos
08:14A two-year subscription to the sports betting tip sheet
08:16All told, it comes to a daily rate of $400 and, uh, 17 cents
08:20I'll give you 20 bucks
08:21That was my fallback offer
08:25What about the thousands of dollars you just collected from those people out there?
08:28This imported Italian marble doesn't grow on trees!
08:32No!
08:33The painting isn't the most important thing in the world to me
08:36It is! And I'm sure whoever committed such a dastardly crime must be some kind of ruthless killer
08:41Who might very well chop off your heads and put them on a stick!
08:45Not to worry! We eat fear for breakfast!
08:48You're guessing about the stick part, right?
08:51Tell me again why we're doing this
08:53When I inspected the wall where the painting used to hang
08:55I caught a whiff of Eau de Carpe
08:57It's a cologne so foul it's worn by only one man
08:59A man who happens to be the world's greatest art collector
09:02Big Dada Duchamp
09:03My guess is if we go undercover at his art gallery
09:05We'll find the miracle painting
09:06Miracle schmiracle
09:08I bet those mindless pod people who believe in that thing still wait up for the tooth fairy
09:11Why shouldn't they?
09:13Because he's rotting in a Turkish jail!
09:15Will you hurry up with those disguises?
09:16Four of those mindless pod people are my family!
09:18Okay, Mr. Tuckman, but may I say I don't think you should just dismiss the notions of miracles
09:24It's a miracle every time a new leaf grows, every time a newborn baby cries
09:30Every time you shut up and do what I tell you
09:32Now turn me into one of those art world freakos or you're next!
09:36When you're in a hurry
09:42Nope
09:45Uh-uh
09:48Who's this supposed to be?
09:49I'm guessing
09:50But I think it's a highly misunderstood painter whose rhythmic linear brush strokes were an arrogant break from the old
09:55masters
09:55And who was so desperate for a unique artistic identity that he was trapped in a hellish downward spiral of
10:00hostility, madness, and self-mutilation
10:01The beard's cool, let's do it
10:03What about your disguise?
10:05Who are you supposed to be?
10:06Your agent
10:12All right, let's mingle, Corny
10:14Keep your eye out for Duchamp and remember, stay in character
10:17Mmm, boy
10:18Just smell that art
10:20Yes siree
10:21This is just the break I needed after a long day of making art and being insane
10:26This guy's as working, Confed
10:29What's he doing with that pink stuff?
10:31That's Crisco
10:32He's our greatest rap artist
10:34All right, Duchamp doesn't seem to be out here
10:36We've got to find his office
10:37Remember, take it slow
10:39He can't just barge through his door
10:44My, my
10:45Could I possibly be in the presence of such a great artist?
10:48Ha, ha
10:49I'm Duckman
10:50I was only pretending to be an artist
10:52Ah, an impressionist
10:54Do I smell fish?
10:57What?
10:57You
10:58I'm Mother of the Weeping Souls
11:00All right, I've come for the girly picture, art boy
11:02Don't try anything stupid or one of us won't leave here alive
11:08I, I said one of us, I was, I was thinking you
11:16Hey, with the gun
11:24I don't know how he tracked it down
11:26But he won't tell anyone now
11:28What the woo?
11:29This can't be what I think it is
11:31This will be your greatest work ever, Crisco
11:33And the critics say art is dead
11:36I don't know art
11:37But I know what I liked
11:39Breathing!
11:42I can't believe this
11:44I'm actually dead
11:46Plucked from the prime of life
11:48So many things I wanted to do
11:50Climb the world's highest mountain
11:51Swim a few channels
11:52Invent something that benefits mankind
11:55Oh well, more time to sleep in
11:58Jeez, I
11:59I didn't even get to say goodbye to my family
12:01At least I'm going up
12:02That's a good sign
12:09Wait, fellas
12:10You got the wrong guy
12:11I've always supported the senseless killing of people
12:13Over the dead of shoes
12:14Wow
12:24Step into the light
12:28Step out of the light
12:30Put your left foot in
12:32Take your left foot out
12:34Put your left foot in
12:36And shake it all about
12:38I know you're probably thinking
12:40What a gross misuse of power
12:42Well, you want to make something of it?
12:46Just follow the light
12:47Wait a minute
12:48I know this place
12:50The booming voice
12:51The billowy clouds
12:52The pearly gates
12:53The harp music
12:54Give me another clue
12:56It's heaven!
13:00I have your file here
13:02We've tried to provide you with everything you ever wanted in your life
13:07Can I have to throw an axe, sir?
13:11Banzai!
13:12Wait a minute
13:12There's been a mistake in your file
13:15You're not supposed to be here
13:16What?
13:17I knew it!
13:18I knew it was too good to be true!
13:20That means I haven't exactly been a poster boy for religion
13:22Me and Teresa DeLorenzo in the confessional
13:24Painting the mustache on that statue of the Vatican
13:27Of course, that one wasn't my fault!
13:29I was drunk!
13:30All right, fine!
13:31That's just fine!
13:32Go ahead and send me to eternal damnation
13:34I'd rather laugh with the sinners
13:36Than cry with the saints any day, buster!
13:39What I meant was
13:40You're not supposed to be dead yet
13:41I'm sending you back
13:42Oh, thank you!
13:43Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
13:45Uh, by the way, I was...
13:46I was kidding about that Vatican thing
13:48While I have you here, duck man
13:50I want to give you something to take back down
13:53What is it?
13:54Cash?
13:55Next to your Super Bowl results?
13:56Hey, how about a picture?
13:57Me, you, a few dead celebrities
13:58It's something I give everyone who comes here
14:01You're just one of the lucky few who get to leave with it
14:04It's the ultimate answer to the ultimate question
14:08It's the meaning of life
14:11Oh, no chance at the picture, huh?
14:13An Etch-A-Sketch?
14:15Don't get me wrong, I'd love to know the meaning of life
14:17But, uh, how am I supposed to get it from this?
14:18You could have read it until you shook it off
14:20Can't you put it back?
14:22Sorry, I'm extremely busy
14:24I promised Cleveland they'd win the pennant
14:26Wait!
14:27Could you stand my hand so I could get back in?
14:29Plumet safe
14:37I highly recommend the pina colada
14:40You boy
14:42I think I put out a few
14:48Well, look who's up
14:52Forget it, boys
14:53He pulled through
14:55Try Mrs. Gleaner in 208
14:57She was hacking up a storm this morning
14:59Used organs
15:00Boomin' market
15:01I'm alive
15:02I can't believe it
15:03I went to heaven
15:04I met God
15:05He bought me a drink
15:07I actually experienced a miracle
15:09That's impossible
15:11I'm a highly trained professional
15:12Don't you think I'd notice if one of my patients died?
15:17You don't believe me, huh?
15:19Then what do you call this?
15:20Gift from a cheap relative
15:21It's an Etch-A-Sketch
15:22The meaning of life was written on this
15:25I'm out of here
15:25I'm going home to tell my family they were right
15:28I really met him
15:30And from this day forward
15:32I'm a changed ducky
15:35What the hell's that beeping?
15:40Bernice, Ajax, twins
15:42I, Duckman, have experienced a miracle
15:45I know
15:47It sounds incredible
15:48But you were right and I was wrong
15:49Miracles do exist
15:51Now I've seen everything
15:53I want to shout it out
15:54I want the whole world to know what I know
15:57Do it!
15:58Put it on!
15:58But for now it's enough to share my incredible experience
16:01With my loving family
16:03The coagula sauce really is thicker
16:08You're right!
16:09No need to convert the converted
16:11I gotta go out and tell my story to those poor
16:13Unenlightened people
16:14Who aren't yet lucky enough to believe
16:17But remind me, the painting's still gone
16:19Has anyone seen your father?
16:21Uh-uh
16:21Me neither
16:23This is great
16:24I've never had such a sense of purpose
16:27Doing what all the great religious leaders have done since time immemorial
16:34Excuse me
16:35I'm the prophet, Duckman
16:37I'm here to spread
16:38Have a nice day
16:40Hello, my child
16:43Brother, if I could
16:45Cute little baby
16:49Well, it can only get better
16:51Bloody
16:53I'm doing something wrong
16:54I'm not getting through to people
16:55How can I get people to listen to what I have to say?
16:58We'll return to Mother Mirabel and her very special guests
17:01After a few more words than necessary from our sponsor
17:06Welcome back
17:07We have a treat for you today
17:09Assembled in the same room for the first time in history
17:12Six of the world's foremost religious leaders
17:16I told you they have low TV cues
17:19Tonight's filler
17:20Until we find that painting
17:22Religious unity
17:24And we'll start with the Roman numeral one himself
17:27Your Holiness
17:28Given that all religions preach brotherhood
17:31Love of your fellow man
17:33And tolerance for all people without exception
17:36Why is it that the world's different religions
17:39Have never been able to achieve unity?
17:42You got me
17:43Good question
17:44Yes, indeed
17:45Well, wouldn't it be a miracle
17:48Not to mention a much-needed ratings boost
17:50If we could achieve a first-ever religious unity
17:54Right here on our stage tonight
17:57Sure
17:57Indubitably
17:58I'm willing to embrace religious unity
18:01If everyone else is
18:03What do you say, rabbi?
18:05Eh, why not?
18:08Sure, find it with me
18:10Hey guys, Pyramid
18:11Well, there you have it, folks
18:14We've seen some big miracles
18:16On the whole Miracle Network
18:17But this is no doubt
18:20The biggest
18:21Listen, Mother Mirabelle
18:22I have a bigger miracle to tell you about
18:24The biggest miracle of them all
18:26I've been to the other side
18:28Damn, it's the duck
18:30I thought it would have been bad
18:33You know, what do you thought, Lord?
18:35I may be fat
18:36But at least I don't wear a diaper
18:38Oh, yeah?
18:39Well, you can kiss my diaper
18:41Nice mouth for a zen mother
18:42Who died and made you go?
18:43Bite my halach mistela
18:45What?
18:45I'm a sugar
18:46I'm a poop
18:47I'm a poop
18:48Here's to that
18:49Please
18:50Can't we all just get along?
18:57You should be ashamed of yourselves
18:59All of you
18:59You're supposed to be religious leaders
19:02Religious leaders?
19:04We're not religious leaders
19:05We're religious impersonators
19:07Mother Mirabelle hired us
19:08As a change of pace
19:09While the painting was gone
19:12I'm the real thing
19:12I needed some good press in the States
19:14Nice pyramid
19:15Not a bad fight, either
19:16Let's do it again sometime
19:17They're all frauds
19:19Mother Mirabelle's a fraud
19:20At least my miracle was real
19:23I see you found my Etch-a-Sketch
19:25What do you mean, your Etch-a-Sketch?
19:28She engineered the theft to boost ratings when it was returned
19:31Then let us take the case so it would look like she was trying to find it
19:34What do you mean, your Etch-a-Sketch?
19:36I began to suspect her after fighting off Big Dada's gang and hijacking the truck that was taking you out
19:41of town
19:41So I went to the police, took some pants in for alterations, then raced you to the hospital in the
19:45nick of time
19:46What do you mean, your Etch-a-Sketch?
19:48Perhaps I should tell you about my Etch-a-Sketch
19:50You were out cold, so I played with it while I watched the news in your room
19:54You didn't miss much
19:54A fire
19:55A drive-by
19:56A segment on Silly String
19:57A tornado
19:57And reviews of the Rockettes and that new Hawaiian steak and colada restaurant that allows smoking
20:01You can eat it, in, you can take it, out, our steaks and coladas will make you scream and shout
20:07That's my miracle
20:08Are you saying that I didn't really have one?
20:10That I didn't go to heaven?
20:12That all those things happened because you were watching them on the news?
20:15And because of that pink plastic you were wrapped in
20:17The pink plastic I was wrapped in?
20:20Polymethostyrene
20:20Causes hallucinations
20:21It causes hallucinations?
20:23Only for a while
20:24Then it causes you to ask unnecessary questions
20:27Unnecessary questions?
20:28Shut up
20:28You want me to shut up?
20:32No way
20:33Muhammad would definitely beat Moses at celebrity word scrambling
20:37Would not
20:38Moses wrote the Torah
20:39It has over 50,000 words
20:41So what?
20:42They're all in Hebrew
20:43Those words still look scrambled
20:45Moses
20:45Muhammad
20:46Moses
20:49Hey, it's that guy on TV
20:51I made a fool of myself
20:53Don't be upset, duck man
20:55Lots of religious visionaries were misunderstood
20:58Persecuted
20:59Even publicly humiliated in their time
21:02Of course, none of them went on live TV
21:05Waving a magic at you, scatch
21:11Well, for one fleeting moment
21:13I got to feel the way you get to feel
21:15It felt nice to know that for sure
21:17Someone was out there making incredible things happen
21:20Someone was watching over us
21:22Someone I could turn to at any moment of any day
21:24I shouldn't have tried to take that away from you
21:26Not that I'll ever get sucked in again
21:28I'm back
21:29And let me tell you
21:30It'll be a cold day in Hawaii
21:31Before I just accept the fact
21:33That there's anything out there
21:33That has that much power over our lives
21:35That we should let control everything
21:37We say and do
21:38That we should worship 24 hours a day
21:40Hey, look
21:42There's a tiger explosion on America's most tragic home videos
21:46I see
21:47They're saying television is worshipped like a religion
21:52I hate message shows
22:10I hear a vraag but it will blow theomb越 пол
22:15Which reminds me of the Tenitian
22:15That's it
22:16That's it
22:20That's it
22:31Thank you
22:31For your team
22:31Chris
22:32Thank you
22:38If you come to me
22:40I'm ready to open too
22:40So
22:40I'm Ready
22:40These
Comments