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مسلسل Mr. Iglesias مترجم - Episode 2
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00:13Hey, last day of summer school, we lived, we laughed, we learned.
00:17Some of us, more than others.
00:20Yay, we did it.
00:21We had no fun all summer.
00:24You know, the next time you see me, I'll be wearing my fall shorts.
00:30Hey, Marisol, what are you selling?
00:31Reverse mortgages?
00:33Squatty potty?
00:33I...
00:34Yes, solar power is expensive, but what price do you put on saving the planet?
00:39Oh, here comes the kill shot.
00:41Finish him.
00:45Well, you know who thanks me every day for putting panels on our home?
00:49My grandchildren.
00:51Great, I'll have my assistant call you to set up an appointment.
00:54Yes.
00:54Yeah.
00:55You know, I've seen teen mom, but I've never seen teen grandma.
00:59Well, when I'm selling solar panels, I've got two grandkids.
01:03When I'm signing people up for wrongful death lawsuits, I'm a widow from Detroit.
01:08And when I work at 7-Eleven, I've got a brother who's a UFC fighter waiting in the parking lot.
01:14All right, well, I am excited to meet your grandkids.
01:17I'm so sorry for your loss.
01:19And remind me not to mess with your brother.
01:23Wait a minute, I love the UFC.
01:25Can your brother hook us up with tickets?
01:32Lorenzo, her brother's as real as her grandkids.
01:35Great, so where are we at with these tickets?
01:39Pay attention, fool. Our stupid grandkids got him.
01:45Could this summer get any worse?
01:47Look, I know it doesn't feel like it, but in reality, we are the big winners here, okay?
01:52This is my impression of someone who didn't have summer school.
01:55Oh, my God, summer! Yes!
01:59Let's go to the beach!
02:00Wow!
02:01Sand!
02:02Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
02:04Oh!
02:04Frozen banana!
02:05Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!
02:08Let's go swimming!
02:09Ouch!
02:10Who lost the syringe?
02:14All right, everyone.
02:15We are one oral report away from passing summer school.
02:20Oral.
02:23Yeah, well, they said it couldn't be done.
02:25But you did it.
02:26Not once.
02:27Not twice.
02:29But ten orals.
02:33Oh, sorry I'm late.
02:34I was watching that Lincoln documentary you told us, too.
02:37Lincoln was a real badass.
02:38No president killed more vampires than that guy.
02:43Not that documentary, but a very underrated film.
02:46Yeah.
02:47The way he killed Dracula with that axe handle?
02:49Ha!
02:49Very presidential.
02:53You know, in the Lincoln movie I watched, he said,
02:56Until every drop of blood drawn with the last
02:59shall be paid by another drawn with the sword.
03:02Second inaugural address.
03:03Lincoln from Wait On Sound Bank!
03:06Ha!
03:07Careful, Mikey.
03:08You know, people don't like to hear Lincoln and bang
03:10in the same sentence.
03:11Good job.
03:12You know, if you would have brought it like that all summer,
03:14you wouldn't need to nail this report on Honest Abe.
03:16Yes.
03:17On our greatest president.
03:18Who we honor by putting on our cheapest coin.
03:22Is that what...
03:24Cheapest...
03:25Amazing.
03:28Oh.
03:31What about you, Grace?
03:32Grace?
03:32Are you ready for this final?
03:34Yeah, dog.
03:36I was born ready.
03:38You know, being that your presentation is on Susan B. Anthony,
03:41it might be a good idea to put your computer in a female voice.
03:45This is a female voice.
03:47Check your privilege.
03:50You are part of the problem.
03:52No, Grace.
03:53I'm not part of the problem.
03:55And by the way, this is a female voice.
03:58And I told him, look.
04:00I don't play, baby.
04:01Okay?
04:02If you bring that weak-ass game up in here,
04:04it is gonna get sent.
04:06Oh, my God.
04:07That's a killer Principal Madison impression.
04:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:11Whoa, that's not Principal Madison.
04:13That's just some random lady.
04:16Well, whoever it is, she's sexy as hell.
04:20Oh, you know how to make a girl blush.
04:24It's the Reclistions.
04:29It's the Reclistions.
04:33Mm-hmm.
04:35And I told him, look, I don't play, baby.
04:37You bring that weak-ass game up in here,
04:39it's gonna get sent.
04:42I gotta go, Mom.
04:46What's up, Paula?
04:48Uh, Gabriel, is it true that your kids we counseled out
04:50are suddenly passing?
04:51Yeah, as it turns out, all they needed was someone
04:53who cares about their future.
04:55You know, what's that called again?
04:56Uh, teacher.
04:59Well, if they all pass their final,
05:00my pilot program will be off to a roaring start.
05:03You know who'll really be impressed?
05:05Uh, besides you with yourself?
05:08My friend at the Long Beach Press-Telegram.
05:10We'll call my program Paula's Pals.
05:14Or Madison's Marvels.
05:16Hey, he's a writer, he'll figure it out.
05:20So, tell me the good news.
05:22Real estate players?
05:23You're leaving us to sell houses?
05:26That's good news.
05:28No, Gabriel?
05:29Proof.
05:30The better the schools,
05:31the higher their property value.
05:32Once we get rid of the poor students,
05:34our test scores go up,
05:35and then the equity of my real estate portfolio
05:38goes through the roof.
05:39Carlos, your one-bedroom fixer in Norwalk
05:41is not a portfolio.
05:46So, tell me how many of Gabriel's underachieving kids
05:49are we getting rid of?
05:50Seriously, dude?
05:51Do you feed off the tears of children?
05:54They're full of electrolytes.
06:00Gabe, forgive Carlos.
06:02He's a first-time homeowner.
06:03And like a vegan with his diet,
06:05that's all he can talk about.
06:08My home will be worth twice its value
06:10if I live near Lakewood High.
06:12Why don't you just get a house near there?
06:14Because the houses there are twice as expensive.
06:17I know, I just like to make them get all...
06:22Lakewood is my dream school.
06:25I'm sorry, Carlos,
06:26but Gabe's kids have a decent shot of pulling this off.
06:29Okay.
06:30When is Gabriel going to accept
06:31that not all kids are created equal?
06:33When you admit they bought your life rights
06:35to do the Grinch movie.
06:39Students fall into two categories.
06:41Those that are destined to go to college,
06:43and those that are destined to clean adult movie theaters.
06:46They don't even have adult movie theaters anymore.
06:50Yeah, they do.
06:56Look, my kids are going to pass their final,
06:58and they're going to crush your dreams of expelling them.
07:00Okay.
07:01We are going to grade them the Lakewood way.
07:04Yay! The Lakewood way!
07:05What's the Lakewood way?
07:07A different teacher will be grading Gabriel's class final,
07:10so there's no malfeasance.
07:14Malfeasance?
07:16Somebody's been playing words with friends.
07:21Wait, you don't have any friends.
07:26I don't care who grades my kids,
07:27because they're all going to pass, all right?
07:29And the Press-Telegram is going to do an amazing article
07:32on the best principal in Long Beach.
07:35Oh, you know how to make a girl blush.
07:41Just grading my kids' finals.
07:43Mm, let me think about that.
07:44Hard pass.
07:46Come on.
07:47Can't, bud.
07:48Why not?
07:49Don't wanna.
07:51That's Mr. Hayward.
07:52Nope.
07:53Not teaching summer school.
07:54Then why are you here?
07:56My wife is at home.
08:00Hey, ask Abby.
08:01She loves work.
08:02Man, Abby's an honest, moral, upstanding citizen.
08:06You know, not you.
08:09Now I'm insulted, but I'll do it for 20 bucks.
08:13That's my Tony.
08:14All right.
08:15I would've given you 40.
08:19Hey, guys.
08:20Hey.
08:21Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady.
08:23Oh, if I was a younger man,
08:25then you'd know how much things have changed in the workplace.
08:31My fiancee, Danny, sent me these for absolutely no reason.
08:35Uh-oh.
08:38What-oh?
08:40Well, I gave a lot of flowers for no reason,
08:42but it was always for the same reason.
08:46What reason?
08:48Love, right, Mr. Hayward?
08:50Uh-oh.
08:52Uh, yeah.
08:53In a way.
08:55The love I expressed during my regrettable peregrinations
08:59into matters of the flesh,
09:00outside of the covenant I made with God and Gertrude.
09:06That means you had a side piece.
09:07Oh!
09:12Oh, Mr. Hayward, I am not judging you at all.
09:16But Danny would never.
09:17He is the most honest person I have ever met.
09:21Besides me.
09:22I can't believe I almost lied and said it was him.
09:25It's me.
09:26And that's why I can't have a grade the kids' finals.
09:31Ooh, pretty flowers.
09:33Danny sent them to Abigail.
09:35For no reason.
09:37Uh-oh.
09:38Seriously, what-oh?
09:40Relax, have a seat.
09:42Look, everyone's just jealous of your beautiful flowers
09:44celebrating your rock-solid long-distance relationship.
09:48So, Gabe, do I have to listen to your kids' finals
09:50or can I just give you the grades now?
09:52No way.
09:53Tony's even less ethical than Gabriel.
09:55Well, you heard him.
09:57I'm out.
09:58I'm gonna need that 20.
10:00It feels a deal.
10:02Gabe, if you need someone, I'll grade your kids.
10:04I love those guys.
10:06Yeah, you know what?
10:07Thank you, but you just got those flowers
10:09and you gotta write that thank you letter to Danny,
10:11you know, and fold it and put it in the envelope.
10:14You're perfect, Abigail.
10:15You're the most ethical teacher in this school.
10:17Stay that way.
10:18Don't let them take your sparkle.
10:21Well, who took yours?
10:24The sparkle pirate?
10:28Mr. Hayward,
10:29if you don't stop eating my stone fruit,
10:31I will tell Gertrude I know where you are.
10:42Abby, I appreciate you volunteering
10:44to grade my kids' finals.
10:45Aw, thank you for the chance
10:47to proctor your kids' oral exams.
10:50Ah, Gabriel must be growing up.
10:52When he was my student and I said that word,
10:55he would repeat it and snicker.
11:00Proctor is a funny word.
11:04Abby, I just wanted to go over a few things with you.
11:07A little housekeeping.
11:07Nothing big, but all my students need to pass.
11:11Well, they'll pass if they pass.
11:13And you know what would even be more fun?
11:15Is if they pass even if they fail.
11:19How does that work?
11:20Abby, what do you think happens to those kids
11:23who can't come back here?
11:25Hmm.
11:26They go to a more appropriate school
11:28with smaller class sizes and more personal attention?
11:31Yeah, they go to Unicorniversity.
11:36Things don't get better for the students.
11:38They actually get worse.
11:39They get sent to CCC.
11:41That's the California Continuation Center.
11:43You know, the gray building with no windows, barbed wire
11:46by the train tracks.
11:48Oh, you mean the prison.
11:49Yeah.
11:52That's CCC, a.k.a. Alcatraz High.
11:56Yeah, where students' dreams go to die.
12:00Abby, look, you have a big heart
12:01and some of my students might need you to grade with it.
12:04But that would be wrong.
12:05This isn't South Dakota where life is so black and white.
12:08And I'm guessing mostly white.
12:15Hey, my town has a very vibrant African-American community.
12:19Mm-hmm.
12:20The Hendersons live on Third Street.
12:22Yeah.
12:23So are they still on Third Street?
12:25Oh!
12:26I was wondering if you knew them.
12:33Abby, when you've been around as long as I have,
12:36you'll come to understand that life is full of gray areas.
12:39In case some of my kids struggle,
12:41I'm just saying, sometimes a little wrong
12:44might lead to a greater right.
12:46Oh, I don't know, Gabe.
12:48That kind of thinking can be a slippery slope.
12:51It's my favorite kind of slope.
12:54Whee!
13:01Oh, my God.
13:02That iceberg lettuce with no dressing looks awesome!
13:09F this.
13:12Scooch over.
13:14No, thank you.
13:15Okay.
13:19You know, I don't know what's gotten into Danny lately.
13:22He's been very lovey-dovey.
13:24Mm-hmm.
13:25Oh, he doesn't usually say things like this.
13:28You know, Abby, this is kind of me time.
13:33Five eggplant emojis.
13:35He must be hungry.
13:39He not hungry.
13:40He thirsty.
13:45Now he wants to do peach emoji stuff.
13:49They always do.
13:51Send him a stoplight emoji.
13:53And then three cats and a lollipop.
13:58You know, he's allergic to cats.
14:00How about just a happy face?
14:04Wait a minute.
14:06Why is he sending me pictures of breasts?
14:08Uh-oh, Abby.
14:09Give me your phone.
14:11Okay, you've gotten added to a text chain by mistake.
14:14Who the hell is Lindsay?
14:15Oh, Lindsay's my friend from Bible Camp.
14:20Oh, Lord Jesus, help me.
14:24But why is she sending me pictures of her breasts?
14:28Do you think she has a lump and she's worried?
14:32Abby, your man is creeping.
14:34The only lump is in his pants.
14:38Oh, gosh.
14:39What?
14:40Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
14:42But what did you expect?
14:44You know, there are only two types of men.
14:46Those who cheat and those who haven't been caught yet.
14:50Oh, God, my back's locking up.
14:52Oh, that's just stress.
14:54Do not give that fool all your power.
14:57Wow, that is a big penis.
15:05All right, everyone, it is time for your presentation.
15:08So let's get ready to not mumble!
15:14Hey, real quick, before you guys head out into the hallway to wait your turn,
15:17there's been a last second change.
15:19Um, Miss Spencer's gonna be grading you.
15:21Ooh, my ginger sister from another mister.
15:26Yo, last second changes are always bad news.
15:30Like when Jackie O said, oh, it's such a sunny day out,
15:33let's not take the bulletproof car.
15:38Relax, Lorenzo, this is actually a good last second change.
15:41Uh, kinda like when they gave the Oscar to Moonlight instead of La La Land.
15:46Come on, a white guy saving Jess.
15:49Anyway, uh, if there's any one person at this school who's nicer than me,
15:52it's Miss Spencer.
15:56All right, let's get this over with.
16:02And that's why, to honor Cesar Chavez and Dolores Huerta,
16:06the leaders of the United Farm Workers movement,
16:08I still won't eat grapes.
16:12Si se puede.
16:15Yes, you can.
16:18Yes, you did.
16:21Great job, Marisol. So promising.
16:23I hope a man never dims your light.
16:28Okay.
16:31Speaking of dim lights, have you ever considered solar panels?
16:37I rent a two bedroom that's far too big for me now.
16:44Overshare.
16:47All right, well, I'm out of here.
16:50Um, Miss Spencer, see you in the fall.
16:52Mr. Iglesias, see you at the drive through.
16:59The B in Susan B. Anthony stands for Brownell,
17:02but it should stand for Boss.
17:04Yeah, booyah!
17:09Good job.
17:13So, in conclusion, Lone Gunman, you tell me.
17:18You.
17:19Tell.
17:20Me.
17:22You.
17:30Dude, it was crazy.
17:32Because Custer was all like,
17:33we got this.
17:35And Sitting Bull was like,
17:36go ahead, brah.
17:36I'm literally sitting here waiting for you.
17:40But you messed with the bull, you're gonna get the horns.
17:43And they did mess with the bull.
17:45And they did get the horns.
17:46Good night, Long Beach.
17:51See what he did there?
17:52Huh?
17:52He took historical content and he put it into a modern language.
18:00You are clutch, brah.
18:03Game recognizes game.
18:09What's the matter, Abby? You okay?
18:11My back is killing me.
18:14How many more kids are there?
18:16Uh, just Mikey.
18:17He's my closer.
18:18Let me just tell you right now,
18:19this kid knows more about Abraham Lincoln than Mary Todd.
18:22That's who Lincoln was married to.
18:24I know, Gabe.
18:25I'm a history teacher.
18:26And I'm sure the Lincolns were very happy.
18:30Not the word that comes to mind.
18:33Whew.
18:33Hope you enjoyed the warm-up acts,
18:35because the headliner is here.
18:43Hey, Abby.
18:44Abby, 17 stretch is over.
18:46Come on.
18:54All right, Mikey, let's do this.
18:58Do what?
19:03Your oral report.
19:07You okay, buddy?
19:10She just did the whole sexy teacher thing
19:12with her hair and glasses and everything.
19:13Look.
19:14Focus, okay?
19:16Eyes on the prize.
19:18Not, not, not, not that prize.
19:20Look.
19:20You got this.
19:21Lights, camera, knowledge.
19:23Go.
19:25Uh.
19:27Abraham Lincoln suffered a lot of loss in his life.
19:31His son Willie died in the White House.
19:35Uh.
19:37The lead singer of Linkin Park also died.
19:40Matthew McConaughey left who drives a Lincoln.
19:45Time out, time out, time out, time out.
19:47Dude, dude, relax, okay?
19:49You need to take everything that's up here
19:50and make it come out here.
19:52Okay?
19:52And listen, forget about what's happening down here.
20:04Uh.
20:05Log cabin.
20:07Kentucky?
20:10Abraham Simpson, the 16th president of the United Nations.
20:14Oh God, I'm going to C-C-C.
20:18Mikey!
20:19Mikey!
20:22Abby, look, Mikey knows his stuff.
20:24It's just...
20:25Like Abraham Lincoln, he died during a performance.
20:28No!
20:33Abby, Abby, wait.
20:35Abby, Abby, Abby.
20:35Look, I-I know Mikey messed up, but...
20:38Remember when I was asking you to grade from the heart?
20:40Oh, Gabe.
20:41You don't want me grading from my cold, dead heart today.
20:47Look, you can't send Mikey to Alcatraz High.
20:49They'll use him as a shiv.
20:52Don't worry.
20:53I can lie.
20:55Men do it all the time.
20:58And now women can too.
21:01Equality.
21:02Am I right?
21:08Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
21:16Read them and weep.
21:18Oh, I want to record the look on your face when you see that all my kids passed.
21:26All passed.
21:28They all passed.
21:30Marisol, 98.
21:32Makes sense.
21:34Grace, 87.
21:35Weirdo, but that sounds right.
21:37Walt, 75.
21:39Perfectly average.
21:40Mikey, 85.
21:43Seriously?
21:44That kid's IQ isn't 85.
21:48I'm sorry.
21:49I can't do this.
21:51Abby, you're white.
21:52You can do anything.
22:02I cheated.
22:03I don't have integrity and it feels terrible.
22:06No need to confess.
22:09I love you.
22:13Abby, what did you do?
22:15I knew it.
22:15Mikey's dumb as dookie.
22:18I'm a cheater.
22:19Just like Danny.
22:21No, you're not.
22:22At least he tried to hide it.
22:26And believe me, I know why she's gonna miss him.
22:34Well, I guess Mikey Gutierrez is CCC's problem now.
22:38Look on the bright side.
22:39You'll still be able to say hi to him when you take your VW to get washed.
22:43Once a semester.
22:45That's right.
22:46I'm the one who wrote wash me.
22:47A boom.
22:49Gabe, you should be proud of yourself.
22:51You passed 95% of your kids.
22:54I know, but they all deserve to pass.
22:56Look, Mikey knows his stuff.
22:57He was just...
22:59Distracted.
23:00It didn't come out of his mouth.
23:01Whose fault is that?
23:03Hmm?
23:07Because she was honest enough to admit that she cheated?
23:09No.
23:10Look at her.
23:11No, look at her through the eyes of a 15-year-old.
23:14Oh.
23:16This is Hendrix.
23:18Tenth grade teacher.
23:20Drove me crazy.
23:21Big nose.
23:23The smallest lips.
23:25Long arms.
23:30Huh.
23:32Sounds like a handsome woman.
23:36And a shot blocker.
23:40Look, Mikey was distracted.
23:42Just give him another chance.
23:43Okay.
23:44Just so no one can say that he failed for any other reason besides the fact that he's not very
23:48bright,
23:49we'll grant him a retest, which I will oversee.
23:51That's great.
23:52You won't regret this.
23:54Actually, you're rooting against him.
23:56You will totally regret this.
23:59A boom.
24:04Hey, Mikey.
24:05I need to talk to you.
24:07I'm sorry I let you down, Mr. Eilessius.
24:10You didn't let me down.
24:11You know, you were right about Linkin Park and Matthew McConaughey does drive a Lincoln.
24:15I just need you to build on that and find a way to apply it to Abraham Lincoln.
24:19Well, what are you talking about?
24:21I got you a retest.
24:23It's okay.
24:24I'm a legacy at TCC.
24:26My cousin Spider said he'd have my back in the yard.
24:31Look, I need for you to do to Hernandez what I did to Mr. Chandler.
24:35Who's Mr. Chandler?
24:36A teacher who didn't think I was good enough.
24:38Man, I just wanted to kick him in the nuts.
24:41Did you?
24:42Sorta.
24:43By getting an anus class.
24:45So, if I pass, it'll be like I'm kicking Hernandez in the nuts.
24:49Exactly.
24:50So kick hard.
24:52Let's do this.
24:54To achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.
25:00Gabe, I can't see.
25:04And if you can't see him, he can't see you.
25:09And thus concludes Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural address.
25:12Yeah, right in the werewolves.
25:17Nicely done, Mr. Gutierrez.
25:19You know what?
25:20I did cheat.
25:21I cheated this kid out of an extra 10 points.
25:23He deserves a 95.
25:26For rote memorization?
25:27A 70 at best.
25:30Excuse me, I'm not done.
25:3270's good.
25:3370's good.
25:3470's good.
25:35You could be done.
25:37When Abraham Lincoln was a young man.
25:38He's not done.
25:41He said, someday I shall be president.
25:44Dear God, I hope he doesn't want to be president.
25:47He'd be a big improvement.
25:53And I have a teacher who helps me believe that I can grow up to be whatever I want to
25:57be.
25:57And if you have one person who believes in you, that's enough to have success.
26:01Why? Because you don't want to disappoint them.
26:05He's talking about me.
26:08You know, Lincoln also said, whatever you are, you be a good one.
26:12Well, right now I'm a Wilson High student and I'm trying to be a good one.
26:18And you can keep trying in the fall.
26:22Damn it!
26:26You live to fight another day, Mr. Iglesias.
26:28But I will make this thing a leaked 100th school by any means necessary.
26:32I know that quote.
26:33Civil rights activist Malcolm Tent.
26:37What?
26:41Wakanda forever.
26:51You guys, I was so inspired by Mikey today.
26:55I've been wondering, does Danny deserve a second chance too?
26:58No.
27:02Really?
27:04No.
27:06Uh-uh.
27:07Thanks, Katie.
27:08Abby, you gotta move on.
27:10You know, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
27:15Who said that?
27:17Was that Maya Angelou?
27:20Nope.
27:20Someone just as wise.
27:22MC Humpty Hump.
27:25Hey, there's a lot to be said for rebound sex.
27:29You know, I'm guessing a guy your size doesn't get a lot of rebounds.
27:33You'd be surprised how many boards I grab after last call.
27:38Abby, stick with me.
27:39I'll take care of you.
27:40Really?
27:41I could use the guidance of a strong, mature woman.
27:44Okay.
27:45Lesson number one.
27:46Even Cicely Tyson doesn't like to be called mature.
27:50This is what we'll do.
27:52You tell me where Lindsay works, and we'll send those titty pics to her boss.
27:56Then, we get the last four of her social.
27:59There are 500 ways I could ruin that hoe's life.
28:02I got you, girl.
28:06Hey, man.
28:06Somebody better call Danny.
28:08Yep.
28:36Selenius & Rich Hump.
28:37Play Hajj Ugh.
28:38Yeah.
28:38...
29:04All right.
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