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مسلسل How I Met Your Mother مترجم - Episode 7
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00:14Kids, before I met your mother, when I was still out there searching,
00:17I learned something valuable, that love is not a science.
00:21Wow, that was a great story, Dad.
00:23We're going to go watch TV.
00:24You see, sometimes in life, you just have to accept that certain things can't be explained.
00:29And that's kind of scary.
00:32Oh, my God.
00:34I know, I'm still shaking.
00:35What the?
00:36Ah, joke's on you, I have a cold.
00:38Are you guys okay?
00:39Another round and back it up for me and Lily.
00:41What happened?
00:42We saw something up in the apartment.
00:46Something bad.
00:52I don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy.
00:55Oh, mucho sexy.
00:56Thank you, Marsha.
01:02Oh, my God.
01:08What was it?
01:09Only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen.
01:13Mouse?
01:13Sweetie, that wasn't a mouse.
01:15That was a huge cockroach.
01:17Baby, it was a mouse.
01:19It had whiskers.
01:20But those things coming out of his head, those were antennae.
01:23Marsha ran away from a cockroach.
01:25It was a mouse.
01:27Oh, yeah, sorry.
01:27My bad.
01:28You're a man.
01:30Ooh, my story's on.
01:31Ted, pay attention.
01:32Carl, turn it up.
01:33I'm here with Ellen Pierce, New York's premier matchmaker.
01:37Ellen, your company, Love Solutions, boasts a hundred percent success rate.
01:41What's your secret?
01:43Science.
01:44Everything in life can be broken down to ones and zeros, even love.
01:48All I have to do is input the variables, run the algorithm, and presto manifesto, you have a soulmate, and
01:54it works.
01:56Just ask all of my happy couples.
01:59And these are just the attractive ones.
02:02I have more photos in the bathroom.
02:03Oh.
02:05Love Solutions, Ellen Pierce.
02:07A beacon of hope for New York City's lovelorn.
02:09Robin Schabatsky.
02:10Was that chick at the end really a client?
02:12Yes.
02:13We're signing up.
02:14What?
02:14Ted, these chicks are desperate and hot.
02:17That's a perfect cocktail.
02:18Shake well, then sleep with.
02:21I'm not going to a matchmaker.
02:23That's like giving up.
02:24It's the man version of getting a cat.
02:27No, it wasn't a cockroach.
02:28It had fur, and only mammals have fur.
02:30It was a cockroach.
02:32Come on, Lily.
02:32The only way that that was a cockroach is if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just
02:36killed.
02:38Oh, my God.
02:41Come on.
02:43Oh.
02:54Ted!
02:55Hurry!
02:55You've got to help me.
02:56My boat is sinking.
02:56What?
02:57My boat is sinking.
02:58You have a boat?
02:58Yes, I bought a boat last year at a police auction.
03:00I just got a call from a guy down to the marina that is leaning starboard at a 45-degree
03:03angle.
03:03If I don't get down there right now, it's going to capsize.
03:04Now, come on!
03:09Your boat is sinking, Ellis.
03:11That's good.
03:12Come on, Ted.
03:13This is an incredible opportunity.
03:15We'll meet our soulmates.
03:17Nail them and never call them again.
03:20All finished, gentlemen?
03:23Congratulations.
03:23You have just taken your very first step.
03:26Gosh, thanks, Ellen.
03:27I sure hope this works.
03:29I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless sex.
03:34You deserve more.
03:36That is so true, Ellen.
03:39I really think I'm ready to stop being a me and start being a we.
03:44Hey, is there any way I can let it be known that I love cuddling?
03:47Oh, of course you can.
03:49That is so...
03:53It's kind of hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold
03:59me at night when the tears come.
04:04Ellen, can you help me find her?
04:07Get out.
04:08What?
04:10I get 15 guys like you every week.
04:13Jerks who just want to meet vulnerable women, nail them, and never call them again.
04:17Oh, my God.
04:18People do that?
04:19Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?
04:21What's the hard way?
04:22Security roughs me up and tosses me out?
04:25No, that's the easy way.
04:27The hard way is that I stomp the crap out of you myself.
04:30Okay, Ted, let's go.
04:31Not you.
04:32You stay.
04:34You're cute.
04:36You're an architect.
04:37Good career.
04:39And you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend Jack Package.
04:45It's pronounced Pakaosh.
04:46Get out of here!
04:49You I can work with.
04:51You give me three days, and I will find the woman you will marry.
04:56Uh, no thanks.
04:58I don't need an algorithm to meet women.
05:00It's New York City.
05:01You know, plenty of fish in the sea.
05:04Plenty of fish in the sea.
05:06Yes, there's nine million people in New York, 4.5 million women.
05:10Of course, you want to meet somebody roughly your own age, let's say, plus minus five years.
05:15So if we take into account the most recent census data, that leaves us with 482,000.
05:21But, uh, wait.
05:2248% of those are already in relationships, and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence,
05:27sense of humor, and compatibility.
05:29And then you have to take out the ex-girlfriends and the relatives, and, oh, we can't forget those lesbians.
05:34And then that leaves us with eight women.
05:40That can't be right.
05:41Eight?
05:43Really?
05:43Eight?
05:45There are eight fish in that big blue ocean, Ted.
05:48And if you feel confident that you could reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
05:54Do you take credit cards?
05:59Okay, it's back, and this time we got a good look.
06:02Hey, seriously, you have to stop doing that.
06:05It's bigger now.
06:07It's been feeding.
06:09We were just upstairs watching TV.
06:13Oh, gosh.
06:15Huh.
06:21Okay.
06:22Let's do this.
06:33Shh.
06:34Shh.
06:35It's okay.
06:36It's over.
06:39It's over.
06:45Help me.
06:47Help me.
06:47Help me.
06:48So, did you get a good look at it?
06:50Yeah, it has six legs, a hard exoskeleton, like a roach.
06:55But it had mouse-like characteristics.
06:57Gray-brown tufts of fur, a tail.
07:00So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?
07:05It's a cock-a-mouse.
07:09What?
07:10It's some sort of mutant combination of the two.
07:13It's as if a cockroach and a mouse, you know?
07:17Did the horizontal ten-legged interspecies cha-cha?
07:21That's impossible. That simply can't happen.
07:23Oh, but it came.
07:25And it has.
07:25And it's pissed.
07:29Dude, is everything okay? You left the front door open.
07:31There was no time.
07:35So, love solutions? Did you meet the love of your life?
07:38She said it'd take three days. It's been five days. Should I be worried?
07:42Oh, just play it cool. Don't head out about it.
07:44Hmm. Did you just use my name as a verb?
07:48Oh, yeah. We do that behind your back.
07:51Ted out to overthink.
07:53Also see, ted up.
07:55Ted up to overthink something with disastrous results.
07:58Sample sentence, Billy tetted up when he tried...
08:00Okay, I get it.
08:02Don't worry, I'm not gonna ted anything up or out.
08:06I'll just give it a few more days.
08:10Hi, Ellen. Remember me? I'm Ted.
08:12Ted, hi.
08:13Hi.
08:14I, uh, meant to call you.
08:15The computer is still crunching the numbers.
08:17Busy as a bee, that little computer.
08:19You said it was gonna be three days.
08:21Did I?
08:22Mm.
08:22Three days.
08:23Mm.
08:23Really?
08:23Yeah.
08:24When someone says you're gonna meet the perfect woman in three days,
08:27you gotta put that in your date book, so...
08:30How do I say this?
08:31This is gonna be really hard.
08:35Ted, there are absolutely no women out there for you.
08:40Phew, actually, I got through that okay.
08:48There are no women out there for me?
08:49I thought you said there were eight.
08:50I know. They're supposed to be.
08:52I don't know where they are.
08:53But...
08:53Well, I'm an architect.
08:54And you said I'm cute.
08:56I'm a cute architect.
08:57How do you think I feel?
08:58I have a hundred percent success rate.
09:01That's my hook.
09:02I could maybe find somebody for you if you were gay.
09:04Well, I'm not.
09:05A little bi, maybe?
09:06No!
09:08You're messing with me, right?
09:09Come see for yourself.
09:12I cannot set you up unless you have a compatibility rating of 7.0 or higher.
09:18And look.
09:185.4, 4.8, 5.6...
09:21There's a 9.6 right there.
09:23Don't touch the computer.
09:26Yes.
09:27It's Sarah O'Brien.
09:28I fixed her up six months ago.
09:30She would have been absolutely perfect for you.
09:32Well, what about the guy you set her up with?
09:33Is he a 9.6 compatibility rating?
09:358.5.
09:36So he sucks.
09:37No, 8.5 is an extremely good match-up quotient.
09:41Oh, sure, it's good.
09:42It's solid.
09:44But a 9.6?
09:469.6 is off the charts, but Sarah is matched up.
09:49Ted, look, I have a lunch, please.
09:53I promise we will find you somebody.
09:55Don't lose hope.
09:57There are new women turning 18 every day.
09:598.6.
10:089.6 is off the floor.
10:28It's a whole new species, the cock-a-mouse.
10:31And it's the size of a potato.
10:36So what, now it's a cock-a-potato-mouse?
10:40Don't make it sound ridiculous, it's a cock-a-mouse.
10:44My God, this is incredible, we're like the same person.
10:47Sarah O'Brien loves brunch, she wants to have two children.
10:51Her guilty pleasure song is Summer Breeze by Seals and Croft.
10:55Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman.
10:58And like the majestic seahorse, it's hermaphroditic.
11:03Obviously the whole thing is shrouded in mystery.
11:06For as much as we know about the cock-a-mouse, there's still so much we don't know.
11:12Well, we know that there's no such thing as the cock-a-mouse.
11:15What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking.
11:19So you really don't believe in the cock-a-mouse?
11:21Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal, but you've exaggerated it in your mind.
11:26You know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster.
11:31If by like the Loch Ness Monster you mean totally exists and is awesome, then yeah, it's like the Loch
11:37Ness Monster.
11:39Its diet is not unlike our own, grains, cereals, and it's awfully fond of cheese.
11:44Okay, this is getting weird. The similarities go on and on.
11:47She hates phonies. I totally hate phonies, too.
11:51She's a dermatologist. I have skin.
11:54You want to be her boyfriend? She already has a boyfriend. It's uncanny.
11:58All right. But it wouldn't hurt to check her out, right?
12:01See what my 9.6 looks like in person, as, you know, a frame of reference.
12:05And if she thinks she can do 11.45% better, who am I to deny her that?
12:10That's right. I did the math.
12:16Hi.
12:17Hi. I'm Dr. O'Brien.
12:19I'm Architect Mosby. Sorry, I just wanted to say my job, too.
12:23I'm Ted.
12:24So, what are we doing today?
12:26Right. I, uh, I have a kind of mole on my back. It's probably nothing, but I'm a cautious guy.
12:31I'm exactly the same.
12:49Sorry about that.
12:51Summer Breeze is my guilty pleasure song.
12:53It's been stuck in my head ever since I heard it this weekend at brunch.
12:57I love brunch.
12:59It's the best. As long as I don't have to spend it with a bunch of phonies.
13:05I like the way you think, Architect Mosby.
13:09Hey, this may sound weird, but it'll definitely sound more weird once my shirt's off, so I'm going to ask
13:13you now.
13:14Do you want to have dinner with me Saturday night?
13:17Oh, that's very sweet, but I'm actually getting married on Saturday.
13:24Friday night?
13:25Friday night?
13:31Wow, you're getting married. Congratulations.
13:35I'm really sorry I asked you out. It just felt like there could be this weird connection between us.
13:39How crazy am I coming off here?
13:41Only a little.
13:43Well, by some million to one long shot, and I'm not rooting for this, you wind up not getting married
13:49this weekend.
13:50Give me a call.
13:52Okay, but it's not likely. I look damn good in my dress.
13:56I'm sure you do.
14:02Wow. That's a pretty sophisticated trap.
14:05You think the roadrunner's going to fall for it?
14:08Okay, we get it. You're skeptical. But Marshall and I, we're believers. We believe.
14:13Yeah, look around. The universe is mysterious and awesome.
14:16Got the Bermuda Triangle, ghosts, Bigfoot.
14:20Bad maps, creaky houses, hillbilly in a gorilla suit.
14:23What? Aliens? Oh, come on. You've got to give me aliens. Stonehenge, Area 51. There's alien crap all over the
14:30place.
14:31You can't be serious.
14:33My friend, you just poked the bear.
14:38So, my 9.6. Beautiful, charming, intelligent, engaged.
14:44Oh, Ted, I'm so sorry.
14:46Yeah, it was a long shot. I told her to call me anyway if she changes her mind, but I
14:50don't know.
14:51Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not skip over this. Raise your hand if earlier today you hit on an engaged woman.
15:02Come on, Lily. Don't hate the player. Hate the game.
15:04On the night of July 2nd, 1947, conditions were clear over Roswell, New Mexico.
15:11Oh, jeez.
15:12Oh, hey, Ted, there's a message on the machine for you. Dr. O'Brien?
15:16What?
15:17When suddenly an array of...
15:20Ted, hi. This is Dr. O'Brien.
15:23About today, listen, I really need to talk to you. Call me. I'll be at the office all day.
15:29The doctor will see you now.
15:37What should I do? I should totally go down there, right?
15:40Don't interfere. Some guy is expecting to marry this woman on Saturday.
15:44Yeah, an 8.5 guy.
15:46Look, if I was marrying the wrong person and the right person was out there and knew it,
15:50I'd want that person to come down to my dermatology office and tell me so.
15:53In that scenario, I'm not interfering. I'm a happy ending.
15:57Happy ending?
15:59Look, I have to go down there. I don't know what's going to happen when I get there,
16:02but I've got to give it a shot.
16:03All right. See you later. Happy hunting.
16:06Wait, where are you guys going? Don't you want to stay and see the conca mouse?
16:09Yeah, we're going to go make some crop circles.
16:16Oh, my God.
16:17Holy crap, Buckets, we got it.
16:20What do we do with it?
16:21Calm down. I have a plan.
16:23I told my friend Sadiq about it. He wants to show it to the Columbia Biology Department.
16:27But it has to be alive.
16:29Wait, no, no.
16:30They'll do lab experiments on it. That's so mean.
16:34Shouldn't we just beat it to death with a bat?
16:41Hello again.
16:44I'm glad you came down.
16:46I would prefer to say this to you in person.
16:49Go ahead, Sarah. You can tell me anything.
16:52You have a basal cell carcinoma.
16:56Anything else?
17:00Your mole.
17:01The biopsy came back.
17:02It's not life-threatening, but we should excise the rest of it.
17:06Wait, then you're still getting married?
17:08Of course I'm still getting married.
17:10But we're a 9.6.
17:12Excuse me?
17:14Okay, I went to Love Solutions, and I saw on Ellen Pierce's computer that you and I are a 9
17:19.6.
17:20Your fiancé's only an 8.5.
17:22You looked at my file?
17:24I had to. You're my only match.
17:26Aren't you even a little curious?
17:27The woman who set you up with your fiancé thinks we're a better match.
17:31I am getting married on Saturday.
17:36Some of me?
17:38Ted, look, don't you think you're being a little impulsive marrying a guy you just met a few months ago?
17:43Don't you think it's a little impulsive for you to proposition an engaged woman you don't even know?
17:48See? We're both impulsive.
17:50We're perfect for each other.
17:52Ted, just calm down.
17:53Calm down? You're my only match.
17:55There was a computer, and there were eight fish in a sea full of lesbians.
18:00Ted, Ted, do you honestly believe deep down that there is no one else out there for you just because
18:08some computer says so?
18:11I didn't used to, but there was math. I got confused.
18:17Well, love isn't a science. You can't calculate a feeling.
18:21When you fall in love with someone, an 8.5 equals a perfect 10.
18:28You're right.
18:30If this thing is what you say it is, it could be huge for my career.
18:34Brace yourself, dude.
18:36This is gonna blow your mind hole.
18:42You bastard.
18:43I actually got excited about this.
18:45What?
18:46It's empty.
18:49Wait, but if it's not here, that means...
18:53Lily.
18:56Lily!
18:57What?
19:01Oh, my God.
19:02It's real.
19:03No.
19:04Is it?
19:05Do something.
19:10No!
19:11What the hell was that?
19:12Are you trying to get a drunk?
19:13There's the only thing I can think of!
19:16Lily!
19:17Stay dry!
19:18Damn it!
19:18No!
19:21Baby, I love you!
19:22No!
19:23No!
19:29It can fly.
19:31No!
19:34It can fly.
19:38Wow.
19:40Be free, mutant beast.
19:42I'll miss this private war of ours.
19:44I grew to admire your tenacious holy mother of God
19:48It said it this way
19:53Hi, Ellen
20:01I think I want my money back
20:05I'm a failure
20:06I'm all washed up
20:07I tried everything, Ted
20:09I widened the search parameters
20:11I tweaked the program
20:13Last night, I stood out on the street for five hours
20:17Showing your photo to random pedestrians
20:19No takers
20:21Although this transvestite hooker said he, she
20:24Would do you for half price
20:25Because you kind of look like John Cusack
20:26And his, her favorite movie
20:28Will say anything
20:31Come on, Ellen
20:32I mean, a pint of ice cream
20:33Isn't that a bit cliche?
20:34It's for the bourbon
20:37This isn't hopeless
20:38You're gonna find someone for me
20:40No, I won't
20:41You're gonna die alone
20:44I'm not gonna die alone
20:46Look at me
20:47I'm bright
20:47I'm attractive
20:48You just gotta get back out there
20:49And keep looking
20:50No, you're never gonna find anybody
20:52And every year
20:53You're just getting older
20:54And it's getting harder
20:55And harder
20:55You're being ridiculous
20:57I'm gonna be up on that wall
20:58One of these days
20:59No, you won't
20:59Yes, I will
21:01How do you know?
21:02I don't know
21:04But I believe
21:05Hell, if a cockroach and a mouse
21:07Can find love in this crazy city
21:09Then damn it, so can I
21:11It isn't me
21:13The point is
21:14Something good's gonna happen to me
21:16I mean, maybe your computer will help
21:17Maybe it won't
21:18But it'll happen
21:21So I should keep looking?
21:23Of course you should
21:25And now
21:27You're gonna do it for free
21:56You're gonna do it for free
21:59There to be
21:59Buy
21:59No, you know
21:59You're gonna do it for me
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