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مسلسل How I Met Your Mother مترجم - Episode 4
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00:14Kids, when you're single, all you're looking for is happily ever after.
00:18But only one of your stories can end that way.
00:21The rest end with someone getting hurt.
00:23This is one of those stories.
00:25And it starts with a shirt.
00:28A shirt?
00:29Just listen.
00:30Because none of this would have happened if it had to have been for that shirt.
00:38Nice shirt.
00:39Right?
00:40Right?
00:40Look at those colors.
00:42Green and brown together at last.
00:44Hot top, bro.
00:45Is it new?
00:46That's the crazy part.
00:47I've had this shirt for like six years.
00:49Until this morning, I wasn't into it at all.
00:50But now, it's like my tastes have changed.
00:53Booger.
00:54Yes, hello, Barney.
00:55Barney's offered me 50 bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report.
01:00Not some stupid word.
01:01Booger.
01:03But I'm not doing it.
01:04I am a journalist.
01:05What?
01:06Journalist?
01:06You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news.
01:08Old people.
01:10Babies.
01:11Monkeys.
01:12That's not journalism.
01:13That's just things in a diaper.
01:15For your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the city hall beat.
01:21City hall, Miss Thing.
01:23So, I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying booger for 50 bucks.
01:27Of course not.
01:29Because now you're saying nipple and it's a hundred.
01:33Step into my whip.
01:37Mmm.
01:38Whose bourbon is this?
01:39I don't know.
01:40It was here when we sat down.
01:42The point is, I seem to like bourbon now.
01:46I could have sworn I hated bourbon.
01:47First the shirt, now bourbon.
01:49I spent 27 years making up my mind about things, right?
01:52The movie I saw once and hated.
01:54The city I'll never go back to because it was raining the day I visited.
01:57Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions.
02:00You're finally going to watch Goonies again?
02:03Sloth love chunk.
02:06Not Goonies.
02:07Girls.
02:08What if there's someone from my past who I thought was wrong for me at the time,
02:11when in fact she, I like this shirt, is actually a perfect fit?
02:16Hold up.
02:16Look, there are only two reasons to ever date a girl you've already dated.
02:20Breast implants.
02:22Now, this isn't a bad idea.
02:24Let's think.
02:25Ted's greatest hits.
02:27What about that girl Steph?
02:30Steph.
02:31Okay, this is difficult to say.
02:33Back when I lived in L.A., I was pretty broke.
02:36So, I spent a month making adult films.
02:41Wow.
02:42Okay.
02:43How many did you make?
02:45175.
02:49Say what you will about the porn industry.
02:51They're hard workers.
02:53What about that chick, um, Jackie?
02:56And my bathing suit had fallen completely off.
03:00I know the feeling once.
03:02When I was 16, I was driving, and I hit this hitchhiker.
03:06Don't know what happened to him.
03:07Just kept driving.
03:11Uh, no.
03:13What about Natalie?
03:16Natalie.
03:17Natalie.
03:18Who's Natalie?
03:20Natalie.
03:21I had so many fond memories of her.
03:24The tea candles on her dresser.
03:26The sock monkey collection on her bed.
03:29That one Belle and Sebastian song she always listened to.
03:32Her smile.
03:36Man, I haven't seen her in, like, three years.
03:38Why'd you guys break up?
03:39I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time.
03:41Of course, now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad.
03:43Maybe I should call her.
03:44What do you guys think?
03:46You dumped a porn star?
03:49Friendship over.
03:52Friendship over!
03:56Coming.
03:57All right, get back to me, then.
03:59You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams.
04:01Yes, I did.
04:02I need you to cover a story.
04:04It's down at City Hall.
04:06City Hall?
04:07Oh, my God.
04:10So, next time you're passing City Hall,
04:13make sure and stop by New York's oldest hot dog cart.
04:17Today, a delicious hot dog will cost you $2.50,
04:20but back when the stand first opened in 1955,
04:23you could get one for only a nipple.
04:26Reporting live, Robin Trubatsky, Metro News 1.
04:30I said nipple on the news.
04:31That was so unprofessional.
04:33I said nipple on the news.
04:35At least it's better than booger.
04:38Booger.
04:41There she is.
04:43Hey, is it cold in here?
04:44Because I can kind of see Robin's nickels.
04:49Now, for your next challenge.
04:51There's not going to be another challenge.
04:53I don't care how much you offer me.
04:54Oh, search your soul, Robin.
04:57You and I both know this wasn't about the money.
04:59Sure, Metro News 1 pays you jack.
05:02And hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you,
05:05me, and Mr. McGee.
05:07Seriously, who talks like that?
05:08Who a baby really likes
05:10is the thrill of pulling one over
05:12on those bean counters
05:13who underappreciate you
05:15and still haven't promoted you.
05:17And so for two more hundy sticks,
05:20baby's gonna look in the camera
05:21and say this.
05:24Ew.
05:26I'm just assuming.
05:28I gotta get back to work.
05:31See ya.
05:32Bye.
05:33Baby's gonna think about it.
05:38Found it.
05:39I found Natalie's number.
05:40Hey, Ted.
05:41Nice shirt.
05:42Is it yesterday already?
05:45I am calling her.
05:47This is crazy.
05:48I haven't talked to her in like three years.
05:51I wonder if she even remembers me.
05:55Hello?
05:56Natalie.
05:57It's Ted Mosby.
05:59Go to hell.
06:04She remembers me.
06:10Why would Natalie hang up on you?
06:12I don't know.
06:13Did you sleep with her sister?
06:15No.
06:16Did you sleep with her mom?
06:17No.
06:18I'm losing interest in your story.
06:21Well, you must have done something.
06:23Why did you guys break up?
06:24He wasn't ready for a commitment.
06:26Uh-huh.
06:28And her birthday might have been coming up.
06:31Uh-huh.
06:33Okay.
06:33So I didn't want to get a boyfriend-level gift for a girl I was just about to break up
06:36with.
06:36So you dumped her right before her birthday?
06:39No.
06:39I didn't dump her right before her birthday.
06:44Uh-oh.
06:46Natalie.
06:46Hey.
06:47Happy birthday.
06:50Listen.
06:51Never break up with a girl on her birthday.
06:54Lily.
06:55Please.
06:55The shirt.
06:56I know.
06:56It was a mistake.
06:58Well, did she cry her eyes out?
07:00I don't know.
07:01How do you not?
07:04Oh, you didn't.
07:06Natalie.
07:07Hey.
07:08Happy birthday.
07:10Listen.
07:13You're awesome.
07:15You really are.
07:17Awesome.
07:18I'm just, like, super busy right now.
07:21So maybe we should just call it a day.
07:26But you're awesome.
07:28On her answering machine?
07:31Ow.
07:31And on her birthday?
07:32Oh, who breaks up with somebody on their answering machine on their birthday?
07:38Yeah, dude.
07:38Email.
07:40That's not exactly the point I was trying to make, Marshall.
07:43That is a terrible way to break up with someone.
07:46Okay.
07:46In my client's defense, is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody?
07:50No.
07:51Personally, I'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation
07:54in person.
07:55It's the least painful way you can do it.
07:57Who are you calling?
07:58Hi, Marshall.
07:59It's Lily.
07:59We're not going to have sex for at least a month.
08:01But you're awesome.
08:03Okay.
08:03Bye-bye.
08:05No, that was a big mistake, Ted.
08:07You should have done it in person.
08:09Desperate, please don't leave me sex is amazing.
08:13Okay.
08:14It was childish and stupid.
08:15I just, I didn't want to see her cry.
08:17Well, guess what?
08:18She cried.
08:20You just didn't have the sack to face those tears.
08:23That was me then.
08:24Okay.
08:24This is the new old shirt-wearing sack-having Ted.
08:27I'm going to make this right.
08:29You know what else?
08:29My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn 36.
08:33Fantastic.
08:36An occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when Ethel and Sadie
08:41Margolis, New York's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their 100th
08:47birthday.
08:48I'm a dirty, dirty girl.
08:51Ow.
08:53Recording live, Robin Scherbatsky, Metro News 1.
08:59Joel Adams wants to see you in his office.
09:04Before you say anything, I just want to say I really like working here at Metro News 1.
09:09That's great.
09:10So, my dog keeps going,
09:14What?
09:16What?
09:17You have dogs, right?
09:18What do you think that means?
09:20Take him to the vet?
09:23Genius.
09:24That's one I owe you.
09:26Was that all?
09:27Yeah.
09:31And nothing about the twin story.
09:33Oh, yeah.
09:33Great job on that one.
09:34New York loves you.
09:35You're a superstar.
09:36Bye-bye.
09:39That's when Robin realized no one, not even her boss, watched Metro News 1.
09:54Hi.
09:58Natalie, come on.
09:59I just want to say I'm sorry.
10:01I only came down here because you wouldn't take my call.
10:04Hey, here's an idea.
10:05Why don't you leave a message?
10:08Ha, ha, ha.
10:09Good one.
10:10Okay, fine.
10:11I'm just going to leave this sock monkey here.
10:14Goodbye.
10:21Oh, my God.
10:22Okay, okay.
10:22Look, look, look.
10:23I know you're mad, but...
10:25Happy birthday.
10:26Three years ago.
10:27Oh, yeah?
10:28Up yours.
10:29Three years ago.
10:30Look, look.
10:31I was an idiot leaving that message.
10:33I realize how much that sucked.
10:35No, you don't.
10:37Maybe we should just call it a day.
10:41But you're awesome.
10:45Okay, bye.
10:49Surprise.
10:52There was a surprise party that night?
10:54How come nobody told me?
10:56People think I can't keep a secret, but I totally can.
10:59Sorry, not the issue.
11:01Look, Natalie, I was just a stupid kid back then, terrified of commitment.
11:05And I suppose you're suddenly ready to get married and settle down?
11:09Well, yeah, actually.
11:11I'm a different guy now.
11:14Give me another chance.
11:16You must think I have absolutely no self-respect.
11:19Come on.
11:20Just a cup of coffee.
11:23Please, Natalie, give me a good chance.
11:27Self-respect is overrated.
11:31I'm a different person.
11:36Wow.
11:38Maybe it was the caffeine, but you really brought your game up to a whole new level.
11:42Thanks.
11:43I did just start subscribing to Esquire.
11:45They have some helpful columns.
11:47The following is from the October issue.
11:53So Natalie and I started dating again.
11:55And just like that, it all came back.
11:57The tea candles, the sock monkeys, Belle and Sebastian, all of it.
12:03It seemed like happily ever after wasn't far off.
12:06Well, I better run.
12:08I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour.
12:10Krav Maga.
12:10How cool is it that she does Krav Maga?
12:13Thanks, honey.
12:16Bye, guys.
12:17Bye.
12:19Dude, what's Krav Maga?
12:21I have no idea.
12:22Some kind of yoga?
12:24You know, that Natalie, she's good times.
12:26Yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years.
12:28Yeah, Ted, hold on to that one.
12:30Yeah.
12:31I have to break up with her.
12:37I don't get it, man.
12:39Natalie is awesome.
12:40I know, she's terrific, but I have to break up with her.
12:44Why couldn't you leave that poor girl alone?
12:48I know, I hate this.
12:49These past three weeks have been great.
12:51I should be in love with her, but I'm not feeling that thing.
12:55It's ineffable.
12:57Ineffable.
12:58Good word.
12:59So when are you going to do it?
13:01She's probably on the subway by now.
13:03You could call her voicemail.
13:04Beep.
13:05Dumped.
13:05Click.
13:06Done.
13:07I have to do this face to face.
13:09I just, I don't know what I'm going to say.
13:11I'm not ready for a commitment.
13:13Oh, that's such a cliche.
13:14It's not a cliche.
13:15It's a classic.
13:17It's the stairway to having a breakup lines.
13:19Well, I think Natalie deserves better.
13:22Better?
13:22There's no better in breaking up.
13:25There's only less awful.
13:26A cliche is a cliche for a reason.
13:28It's comforting.
13:29It doesn't matter.
13:30I already told her I am ready for a commitment.
13:32So, oh my God, there's no way out.
13:35I'm going to have to marry her.
13:36No, no.
13:37We're going to get you out of this.
13:38Okay.
13:39How about, it's not you, it's me.
13:42Mm.
13:43Mm.
13:43Six words.
13:44You look fat in those jeans.
13:46You're free to go.
13:48Ted, have you considered telling her the truth?
13:54Seriously, honey, men are working here.
13:56Ted, what is the truth?
13:58Why do you want to break up with her?
14:00The truth?
14:01She's not the one.
14:03So tell her that.
14:04Oh, you can't tell her that.
14:05That's horrible.
14:06Why?
14:07What is so horrible about that?
14:09Yeah, what is so horrible about that?
14:11She's not the one.
14:12Why is that such a heartbreaking thing to hear?
14:15The chances of one person being another person's the one are like six billion to one.
14:19Yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery.
14:22Exactly.
14:23You wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery.
14:25All right, men, tell her the truth.
14:27She's going to cry.
14:28Yeah, and he's going to sit there and he's going to take it like a man.
14:31I have to do the mature thing.
14:34Want to talk mature?
14:35I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs.
14:40And great TV was had by all.
14:44All right, Sherbatsky, new challenge.
14:46And this one's big, but so is the cash reward.
14:49For $1,000, you heard me, all you have to do is get up there on the news and do
14:54one of these.
15:03What the hell is that?
15:05Maybe shuffle.
15:06And as you do it, you say this.
15:08Elbert Icky Woods, the Bengals were fools to cut you in 91.
15:13Your 1,525 rushing yards and your 27 touchdowns will not be forgotten.
15:17So Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse.
15:23Just write it down for me.
15:26What do I care?
15:26It's not like anyone's watching anyway, right?
15:31And she's going to cry.
15:35Sloth, love, chunk.
15:39Thanks, Lou.
15:41So the next night, I took Natalie out to dinner to do the mature thing.
15:46Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say.
15:48Oh, wait, wait, there's something I have to say first.
15:50Today at work, I had not one, not two, but three birthday cakes.
15:55So tonight, can we just skip the cake?
15:59Today's your birthday?
16:00Yeah.
16:00No, it's okay.
16:01I wasn't telling anyone about it.
16:03Today's your birthday?
16:07I didn't get you anything.
16:10Oh, it's okay.
16:11Hey, you know, you've already given me the best present of all.
16:16I can trust again.
16:21You're welcome.
16:27Oh, so much more wine.
16:37Henry, as New York's oldest handsome cab driver, you've seen quite a lot.
16:41In your past 60 years on the job, what is your most exciting memory?
16:47Well...
16:47Ah, this is it.
16:49Oh, boy, here we go.
16:50Everyone, everyone, if I may direct your attention to the television,
16:53you are about to see something amazing.
16:55And then, in 72, Mickey Mantle rode in my cab for the fourth time.
17:03Come on, baby, bring it home.
17:06But the most exciting moment, that would have to be this one right now.
17:13What?
17:14Look at me.
17:16I'm on TV.
17:18I never thought I'd have my story told.
17:22Thank you, Miss Robin Shabatsky.
17:26And right then, Aunt Robin realized how important her job truly was.
17:31It's an honor to tell your story, Henry.
17:34You know, Metro News 1 may not be number one in viewership,
17:38but this reporter takes pride in...
17:40Whoa!
17:41Oh!
17:42Oh, my God, I'm covered in horse crap!
17:45Ow!
17:45Ow!
17:46Ow!
17:46Ow!
17:48Ow!
17:48Ow!
17:48Ow!
17:49Ow!
17:50Ow!
17:50Ow!
17:51Ow!
17:55Ow!
17:56So, if you ever come to Alabama...
17:58My mom throws these huge crawfish boils, and she's just dying to meet you, by the way.
18:04Look, Natalie, there's something I have to say, and, uh, there's no good way to say it.
18:08I want to break up.
18:11I don't think you're the one for me.
18:13I don't want to waste your time because I really like you.
18:17I want to do right by you,
18:19and I think the best way for me to do that is just to be honest.
18:23I'm sorry.
18:27Just let it out.
18:30They're only tears.
18:36I'm not the one for you.
18:39I'm sorry.
18:40I just thought the mature thing to do was...
18:42It's my birthday.
18:42Yes, I know.
18:43I didn't realize that it was...
18:44It's my birthday, and you're telling me I'm not the one for you?
18:47It's really not such a big deal.
18:49I mean, it's the odds.
18:50It's like you lost the lottery.
18:52Oh, so dating you is like winning the lottery?
18:55No, no, no.
18:55I didn't mean that.
18:56Okay, so what's the problem?
18:59I can't explain it.
19:00Try!
19:01It's...
19:02Ineffable.
19:03I'm not...
19:04Effable?
19:06No, no, no, no.
19:07Ineffable.
19:08Ineffable means it can't be explained.
19:10Oh, so I'm stupid?
19:11Oh, God.
19:12What's going on?
19:12Okay, what's going on is...
19:14You broke my heart over my answering machine on my birthday,
19:19waited three years for me to get over you,
19:22tracked me down,
19:23begged me to go out with you again,
19:24only so you could dump me three weeks later again on my birthday!
19:29No, it's...
19:30It's not like that.
19:32I'm just...
19:32It's...
19:33It's...
19:33It's...
19:34What?
19:34I'm just, like, super busy right now.
19:38Remember when Natalie said,
19:40I have my Krav Maga class in half an hour.
19:43Turns out Krav Maga is not a kind of yoga.
19:45It's a form of guerrilla street fighting developed by the Israeli army.
19:53This is compliments of those two gentlemen in the bar.
19:58My knee!
19:59It's in my hair!
20:04But isn't it nice to know people are watching?
20:10Oh, my God.
20:11Are you all right?
20:12What happened to you?
20:15I told the truth.
20:16Turns out the truth has a mean roundhouse kick.
20:20Oh, man.
20:21Oh, well, you did the right thing.
20:23I'm proud of you.
20:24I'm bleeding internally.
20:26Hey, Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down?
20:28Other people's misfortune.
20:29You've missed something so amazing.
20:31Please, can we just have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it?
20:34Fine.
20:35Are you okay?
20:37I really thought I was doing it the good way this time.
20:40I guess there is no good way.
20:42Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to do the right thing,
20:45you just end up flat on your back, flailing around in a big pile of horse crap.
20:49I saw it!
20:51The phone gets the Internet now!
20:55It's okay, no one.
20:57And that's how it ended with Natalie.
20:59No happily ever after, just a whole lot of hurt.
21:02And just like that, all those wonderful memories were replaced.
21:06By this one.
21:07But, you know, bad as that night was, within a year, Natalie was married.
21:11And now she has three beautiful children.
21:14So that's the upside of hurt.
21:16Sometimes it happens for a reason.
21:19Wow.
21:21So you got beat up by a girl?
21:23Is that all you're taking away from this story?
21:26You got beat up by a girl.
21:29Hey, she knew Krav Maga.
22:00You got beat up by a girl.
22:00Hey, she knew Krav Maga.
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