- 23 hours ago
مسلسل How I Met Your Father مترجم - Episode 2
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:15Okay, so you walked the Brooklyn Bridge, and that was the night you met Dad.
00:19And then how long until you guys got together?
00:22This story is about the journey, not the destination.
00:25I'm gonna get with a whole bunch of dudes before I wind up with Dad.
00:30You know, I'm okay with skipping to the destination.
00:33I'm gonna need you to live in the moment here, which back in the day I was terrible at.
00:40After my super triumphant Brooklyn Bridge walk, I backslid.
00:45Instead of living in the moment, I decided to live in my phone.
00:49Morning!
00:50Can you knock?
00:51Nope.
00:52Were you looking at your old text with Ian?
00:54No, I was looking at porn.
00:57Liar, you're scared of porn.
01:00I'm not scared of porn.
01:01I'm scared of the government tracking my search history.
01:04Stop wallowing.
01:05Put these on.
01:06It's fun to time.
01:09Up.
01:11So what are we thanking for tonight?
01:13Uh, probably just gonna stay in and organize my darkroom closet.
01:17You mean look at pictures of Ian while listening to drops of Jupiter on loop like you do every time
01:22things don't work out with a guy?
01:24Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
01:28Did you?
01:28It's my comfort song.
01:30It works for everything.
01:32You remember when the dry cleaner shrunk my favorite sweater?
01:34Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
01:37You think Queen Jane stays in on a Saturday night?
01:40No.
01:40She's out on the town, crushing dick.
01:43Right.
01:44I wish you'd stop saying crushing dick about feminist icons, but you're right.
01:50Good.
01:53Because I got us into FOMO tonight.
01:57What's FOMO?
01:59It stands for fear of missing out.
02:00Yeah, I know what it stands for.
02:02Thanks.
02:03How do we go to it?
02:04Oh.
02:06FOMO is the name of this new club, which has a total sensory overload.
02:10There are a million different rooms.
02:12A rave room, a foam party room, a topless room, a tapas room, a topless tapas room.
02:19They say there's no such thing as having FOMO inside of FOMO.
02:23This will be perfect for you.
02:24Plus, I'm going to need a big night out after I end things with Charlie.
02:28Wait.
02:28You're ending things with Charlie?
02:30I gotta.
02:31He's smothering me.
02:35Morning, Valentina.
02:37I got us coffees from a real New York bodega.
02:41And this chicken for dinner.
02:42I opened the package, but I have no idea what happens next.
02:46This morning, I told him the best New York bagels are in Jersey just to have a little
02:51time to myself.
02:53Anyway, I already drafted up a text.
02:55You cannot text break up with Charlie.
02:57You are crazy into the guy.
02:59You just told me yesterday you were obsessed with him.
03:01I did not.
03:04I'm obsessed with him.
03:07Fine.
03:07I'm conflicted, okay?
03:10I mean, he is fun.
03:13And sweet.
03:15Mm-hmm.
03:15And hot.
03:17Plus, he does this thing in bed with his tongue where he folds it into a clover leaf.
03:22We call it Lucky Charming.
03:24Oh, breakfast.
03:26Most important meal of the day.
03:28Girl.
03:29But he's always around.
03:31Valentina, of course, you think he's smothering you.
03:34Because you're the only person he knows in the entire city.
03:37You just have to help him make some friends.
03:39Ew.
03:40Sounds hard.
03:41Yeah, well, if I have to be mature and stop dwelling on Ian, then you need to be mature.
03:46And try a little harder with Charlie.
03:50Fine.
03:52Wow.
03:53I can totally feel this growing right now.
03:55I think I finally even made good coffee.
04:03Mm-hmm.
04:06So, how do I make Charlie friends?
04:10Oh, I've got it.
04:12Step one, I make him a Grindr account.
04:15Step two, the guy shows up.
04:16Step three, I lock the door.
04:18Or we could invite those guys we hung out with last weekend to come out with us.
04:22I feel like Charlie really hit it off with them playing drunk-faced Jenga.
04:25You have this.
04:26You have this.
04:27Hurry.
04:28Yes!
04:31This is the best night of my life!
04:34So, I don't think either of those guys are on Grindr.
04:37No.
04:38No Grindr.
04:39I'm DMing Jesse.
04:41Yep.
04:42I think White Dove's going to pop way more than Moonlight White.
04:44Yeah.
04:45This will definitely be what packs him into your bar.
04:47Everyone's going to be like,
04:48Hey, you've got to check out Pemberton's.
04:50The upper walls are crisp AF.
04:53All I want is some regulars coming in and ordering the usual, you know?
04:57Like, when I bought this place, I really thought I could spruce it up,
05:00make it the perfect blend of classic New York and little titty.
05:03What?
05:04Oh, Jasper taught me some cool new slang the NYU kids are saying.
05:07Yeah, it's a litty titty, boss.
05:10God, he's cool!
05:13Oh, I just got a DM from Sophie from last weekend.
05:17Oh!
05:17Ooh!
05:20Sophie likes Jesse!
05:21It does not.
05:22She's asking if we all want to go to some club tonight.
05:25I'll just...
05:26Oh, that...
05:27We always spend Saturdays here and then I hate clubs.
05:29Huh?
05:29Hey.
05:30What?
05:31What are you doing?
05:33A hot, cool woman just asked you on a date.
05:35You're really going to respond with...
05:36I hate clubs.
05:37She didn't ask me on a date.
05:38She asked if we wanted to hang out.
05:40And just last week, I drove her to the airport so she could tell another guy that she loved him.
05:44Yeah, that was last week.
05:45And this is this week, and clearly she's looking for a hot rebound thing.
05:49Ellen, you're a woman.
05:50Tell your brother what's up.
05:51I don't know if being a woman qualifies me to decipher the DMs of an erratic straight lady,
05:57but if I had to, yeah, she's simping.
06:02Jasper?
06:03Huh?
06:04Bet.
06:05You really think so?
06:07I do.
06:08And I'm not just saying that because I'm dying for my first big New York night out.
06:13Come on, Jesse.
06:15I want to get dressed up in a cool jumpsuit and pay too much for a cocktail
06:19and then spill the overpriced cocktail all over my cool jumpsuit
06:23because some club asshole didn't look where he was going
06:26then be like, watch it!
06:27But he doesn't hear me because I mumble and the sick beats are too loud.
06:33Wow, that was a very specific, very realistic fantasy.
06:38And maybe, just maybe,
06:42I'd like to flirt with a cute girl who isn't my ex-wife.
06:45Come on.
06:46Tell her yes.
06:47You gotta get back out there sometime.
06:49Yeah, seriously, man.
06:50Ever since Meredith dumped you, I've been spending 50 bucks a week on Kleenex.
06:54Wait.
06:54Because you're crying?
06:56Or because you're going to town on yourself?
06:58What?
06:58Ew.
06:59Crying.
06:59Bro.
07:01Crying.
07:01Bro.
07:03Both.
07:06Whew.
07:07This is so exciting.
07:08My first traditional American friend set up.
07:11Your what?
07:12I told him that was a thing.
07:13Be cool.
07:14I almost forgot to put my cufflinks in.
07:16Busted out the rubies to impress the boys.
07:18Uh, Charlie.
07:20Come here.
07:21Look at me.
07:23Sid and Jesse don't wear cufflinks.
07:25They're just two regular New York guys.
07:28And if you want them to like you,
07:30you're just going to have to be a little more...
07:33of the people.
07:34Okay?
07:35Of course.
07:36No problem.
07:38I totally know how to do that.
07:39Great.
07:41My cuffs are going to be flapping all over the place.
07:44Oh.
07:44Hey.
07:45Hey.
07:47Cool shirt.
07:49Oh, this old bag?
07:50Thanks.
07:52All right.
07:53But just when I was ready for a night of living in the moment...
07:58Son of a bitch.
08:04My ship's deckhand has strong Momoa vibes.
08:07Ian texted you that.
08:09Son of a bitch.
08:10Right?
08:11Ian and I have this inside joke where we sneak selfies
08:14and text them to each other when we see someone who looks like Jason Momoa.
08:18There was Jason Mimosa.
08:21Jason Samosa.
08:23Jason with boa.
08:25Uh, the last one was a stretch,
08:26but I felt the pressure to text because he'd sent like three in a row.
08:30Yeah, I'm so glad I'm engaged.
08:32Ian should know that the moment he rejected an LDR with Sophie,
08:36he lost inside joke texting privileges.
08:38Sending this big, classic, have your cake and eat it, too.
08:42I actually hate cake.
08:45Too hoity-toity.
08:47I'm more of a bread guy.
08:49Plain old bread that I rip up with my rough, calloused hands.
08:55Uh, yeah, yeah.
08:57Bread's cool.
08:59This is so messed up.
09:00I refuse to spend another second thinking about Ian.
09:03Yeah, sounds like Ian.
09:04Good.
09:06I'm just going to write back something super witty and charming
09:08just so he realizes what he's missing.
09:11Okay, okay.
09:13Next.
09:15No photos allowed inside of FOMO.
09:18Please put these stickers on your cameras.
09:20I really don't think Sophie's into me.
09:22She's clearly still hung up on that Ian guy.
09:24Nah, I don't think so.
09:25She just got a little rattled by his texazole.
09:28Give me the best table you've got, okay?
09:30Tonight's a setup, and I'm going to need it to be as fun
09:32as humanly possible.
09:35This is a child-sized vitamin C brightening syrup.
09:38Take care of us, and Mama's got more where that came from, Daddy-o.
09:43Did you hear that?
09:45Tonight's a setup.
09:46Valentina's trying to help her girl get with my boy.
09:49Sophie did say my shirt was cool.
09:51I was complimenting the shirt to get into the pants.
09:54This is going to be the worst place ever.
09:56This is the best place ever?
09:58I wanted to hate the nostalgic candy room.
10:00Mm-mm.
10:01Look at me now.
10:05Is that girl making eyes at me?
10:07Or is she trying to bling something out of her eye?
10:10To a night of bonding with new friends.
10:13Being in the moment.
10:15Especially you guys, the three musketeers.
10:18The three who?
10:19What is that?
10:20Some sort of fancy pants literary reference?
10:23I'm not much of a reader, you know.
10:24Just give me the big game and a cold can of pubbera.
10:28What?
10:29What's pubbera?
10:32Oh, it's that cheap beer that we regular men love.
10:37Do you mean PBR?
10:39Is that how it's pronounced?
10:41It's PBR.
10:41Oh, this is a disaster.
10:45We just lost eyes again.
10:47Okay, I'm going to go ask to buy her a drink.
10:52Hey!
10:53I'm good.
11:04So this is pretty great, huh?
11:06If you told eight-year-old me that I'd be at a club with a hula hoop room,
11:09I'd have totally lost my shit.
11:12Really?
11:12Yeah.
11:13No, I was really into hula hooping growing up.
11:14My mom said I had to lose his hips in Cincinnati.
11:17Which I'm now realizing is a very disturbing thing to say to a young child.
11:23Um, do you want to go to the candle room for a drink?
11:27And that's when I realized that there was a totally sweet, interested guy right in front of me.
11:35Yeah.
11:36Yeah.
11:38I do.
11:39Cool.
11:39Okay, I'll get drinks.
11:40I'll meet you there.
11:45But then I spotted him right there in the middle of FOMO, the ultimate Momoa look-alike.
11:54FOMO-Moa.
12:00Hey, how's it going with eye contact, girl?
12:02Oh, I moved on to no-brow Bethany!
12:05She's really nice.
12:09It was like the universe was testing my willpower to stay in the moment, and I was immediately
12:15failing that test.
12:16I had to get a picture.
12:18Hey!
12:21You're taking a picture of that Momoa for Ian.
12:23I want to send him a stupid test to make him laugh, so then he'll write me back and make
12:26me laugh, and if that's immature, I just don't care.
12:28Well, if you get to text Ian, then I get to break up with Charlie.
12:31Fine!
12:32I say do it!
12:33Screw being mature.
12:35All right, we're young.
12:36You can still make bad choices for a few more years.
12:38Yes!
12:39That's how we'll learn the lessons we need to become super-wise, dick-crushing old people
12:43like Jane Fonda.
12:44Exactly!
12:46Good talk!
12:47Yep.
12:47Love ya.
12:48Love you.
12:48Bye.
12:50All right.
12:53Gotcha.
12:56Hey!
12:57No photos at FOMO.
12:59Especially here at FOMO Soho.
13:01At FOMO NoHo, you want a photo?
13:03Sure, YOLO.
13:04But at Soho FOMO, photos are a no-no.
13:07You gotta go, yo.
13:14So what's your favorite entry-level sedan?
13:18Have you guys seen Sophie anywhere?
13:20Uh, nope.
13:21Well, this is a setup.
13:23It's the worst setup I've ever been on.
13:24This is a setup between Jesse and Sophie, too.
13:27Uh, what do you mean, two?
13:29Well, Valentin is setting the three of us up tonight on a traditional American friend
13:33setup.
13:35Charlie!
13:36We need to talk.
13:37Hey, uh, quick cue.
13:39Is tonight a setup between Charlie and us or Jesse and Sophie?
13:42Charlie and you guys.
13:43Sophie isn't ready for a setup.
13:45She's still totally obsessed with Ian.
13:46Oh, no.
13:48Did you think tonight was about you and Sophie?
13:51You know, I really, really didn't.
13:53But someone convinced me it was.
13:57I'm sorry, man.
13:59Let's just go back to my bar, okay?
14:01With its lackluster drinks and zero activities.
14:04Hey, maybe Jasper will hang out with us.
14:09Your sister's not gay.
14:12Be honest.
14:14Is a traditional American friend setup even a thing?
14:17No.
14:18It's not.
14:19I thought maybe if you had your own crew to hang out with, I would feel less smothered.
14:24You'd feel smothered?
14:26But I'm always the little spoon.
14:29You're great, Charlie.
14:30But you're just always there.
14:33And it's just too much for me.
14:34I think we should go our separate ways.
14:37Why didn't you just tell me that you needed space?
14:39That's why you sent me to Jersey for the bagel.
14:41Well, if this is how you deal with the tiniest little wrinkle, then I agree.
14:47We should end things.
14:54Can't believe I lucky charmed you twice this morning.
14:58I crutched your captain twice, too.
15:00It wasn't even trade.
15:03Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
15:08Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded?
15:14And that heaven is overrated?
15:20I got kicked out of FOMO.
15:22I broke up with Charlie.
15:24How did he take it?
15:25He said I should have just told him I needed some space.
15:29Funny.
15:30I never thought of that.
15:31I thought of it.
15:33I just didn't want to do it.
15:34Because if you tell a guy what you need and he does it, then when he tells you what he
15:38needs, you have to do it.
15:40And I don't want to do that.
15:41I only want to do exactly what I want, when I want, how I want.
15:47And now you can.
15:49Did Ian like your Mamoa pic?
15:52I haven't sent it.
15:54I can't decide if I'm going to.
15:56Oh.
15:56Hmm.
15:58You know, Jesse thought you invited everyone out tonight because you were into him.
16:02Oh my God, I left him waiting for me in the candle room.
16:05And his shirt looked very flammable.
16:07Don't worry, you got out.
16:09All the guys left.
16:11Looks like you two are having a good night.
16:14Who hurt you?
16:20Gin martini with a twist.
16:22Thanks.
16:25Hmm.
16:27And thanks for giving me another chance.
16:29Mates.
16:30I swear, when I'm allowed to be my normal fancy self, I'm an absolute bloody delight.
16:35Those cufflinks are gorgeous.
16:44By the way, I noticed how crisp your upper walls look.
16:48Is it White Dove?
16:50Yeah.
16:52Yeah, it is.
16:54Hey.
16:55Come here, we need to talk.
16:58Come here.
17:03Here.
17:04It's from Essa Bagel.
17:05Best bagels in the city.
17:07It's where I should have sent you instead of Jersey.
17:10What, I mean, how different can they be?
17:15Oh my God, those Jersey bagels are just little shit circles, aren't they?
17:19You were right.
17:20I should have just told you that I needed some space.
17:22I'm really sorry.
17:28This isn't going to work.
17:30Oh.
17:32You know, living together, it's too much.
17:35So I am going to move out.
17:38Oh.
17:40Then I would like to take you on a first date.
17:45Oh?
17:46You never really had one of those.
17:48We do need to take a step back and start at the beginning.
17:54I'd love that.
17:58So seeing as though we're easing into things, we probably shouldn't go and have sex in the storage closet.
18:03Bring the bagel.
18:08Hey, how are you guys doing?
18:10Don't care.
18:11I just had the best night of my life.
18:15Somebody get lucky at Club FOMO?
18:17No.
18:18No.
18:19I was rejected constantly.
18:22I got way too drunk, way too fast, and struck out many, many times.
18:29Cheers.
18:32So why are you so happy?
18:34Because even though five, no wait, six, six women didn't want to give me their numbers, there are so many
18:43more out there waiting for me.
18:45New York rules!
18:47I don't drink to that!
18:51Just play, damn it.
18:53I really need this right now.
18:55Why does everything in the world hate me?
18:57Hey.
18:58Hey.
18:59Hey!
19:00Just playing a song.
19:02You know, big bang?
19:07I hope this doesn't make you feel too uncomfortable, but I know that you thought tonight was a setup.
19:12I'm extremely uncomfortable, but go ahead.
19:17I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.
19:19And for standing you up in the candle room earlier.
19:22It's fine.
19:23I mean, it's sunk for a sec, but nothing a quick spin in the old hula hoop room couldn't fix.
19:35Jesse, I'm a mess right now.
19:38And I know that you've been through a lot with your ex.
19:41And that dating in this city can make you feel hopeless and alone and like you will never find someone
19:47who realizes how amazing you are.
19:50And I don't want to be one of those people who make you feel like that.
19:55Because I actually can see it.
20:25I'm a mess, too.
20:33And now you wish that you had Jesse's girl.
20:37Like I said, I'm a mess, too.
20:41Well, maybe we could be friends that are messes instead of two messes who try to date because that would
20:46just inevitably be a mess.
20:50Yeah, that sounds like a really good plan.
20:55Oh, hello, everyone.
21:01Why are you covered in poppy seeds?
21:04Don't worry about it.
21:06Have another drink, please.
21:08Just the usual.
21:09Gin martini with a twist coming right up.
21:13He has a usual.
21:15Jasper, Jasper, he has a usual.
21:18Yeah, that's fire, man.
21:20Yo, I need a next Saturday off.
21:23Also, right now, I'm leaving early.
21:25Hey, bet, bet, bet.
21:26You got it, buddy.
21:26Get out of here.
21:30Is this?
21:31Yes, it's drops of Jupiter.
21:33I know it's kind of cheesy, but it's just sort of my comfort song.
21:42It was hard to live in the moment in 2022.
21:45There was always someplace else you could be, someone else you could be with.
21:51But every once in a while, you found yourself in the exact right spot.
21:56And you had that rarest of moments where you had absolutely no FOMO.
22:02And you could just be.
22:10Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
22:14Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all fading?
22:20And that heaven is overrated?
22:22Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
22:26One without a permanent star?
22:29Man, you missed me while you were looking for yourself out there.
22:36Man, you missed me while you were looking for yourself out there.
22:47Man, you missed me while you were looking for yourself out there.
22:48Yeah, you missed me while you were eating my pictures.
22:48Oh no.
22:49You missed me while I were looking for yourself out there.
22:49Because I don't want to realize you guys is still doing big on fire.
22:49I just think we are about to go aheadàng.
Comments