- 23 hours ago
مسلسل How I Met Your Mother مترجم - Episode 5
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00:14So, kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
00:17Why does he even ask?
00:18I know, he's just going to tell us anyway.
00:20I sure am.
00:21It all began when Robin strolled into the bar and said...
00:25Say you're my bitch.
00:26I'm your bitch.
00:27Why this time?
00:28Because tonight?
00:30I am getting us all into OK.
00:34OK? Awesome!
00:35What's going on? Did I just have a stroke?
00:37OK is the name of a club.
00:39Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive.
00:41This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, couldn't get in.
00:44A friend of yours named you?
00:46No, a friend of mine named Shut Up.
00:49Yeah, well, the owner goes to my gym.
00:51It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News 1.
00:54So now I'm on the list for tonight.
00:56Nice going, Sherbatsky.
00:57You're becoming a long and difficult to spell household name.
01:01He's even getting me into the VIP room.
01:03Yeah.
01:03He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean.
01:07All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?
01:12Well, I know that the P is penis.
01:15Right, so you guys are in.
01:16Should I invite Marshall and Lily?
01:18Why was this funny?
01:20I'll explain.
01:21You see, Lily was a kindergarten teacher.
01:23And so, one fateful nap time.
01:26Austin and I spent Saturday night at the most charming little bed and breakfast.
01:30It was so nice.
01:32What did you do this weekend?
01:43You know, quiet time with the fiancé.
01:47I don't know.
01:48I just felt embarrassed.
01:50Claire's my age and she and her husband do all this classy grown-up stuff.
01:55Maybe we should start doing some grown-up stuff.
01:58That's some pretty grown-up stuff we did this morning.
02:00Yeah, but it wasn't classy.
02:04Maybe we should have a wine-tasting party.
02:07I like wine.
02:08I like tasting.
02:10You know I can party.
02:11Let's do it.
02:11Let's rock it.
02:12Maturity style.
02:15And ever since then, she's been signing them up for book clubs, cooking classes.
02:19All the things you do when you know where your next thousand lays are coming from.
02:23So, no.
02:24Lily and Marshall will not be joining us.
02:25Got it.
02:26Anyway, Ted, part two of my story.
02:28My friend Kelly's gonna be there.
02:29Kelly, who supposedly I'm gonna love.
02:32Oh, you are gonna love Kelly.
02:33She's fun.
02:34She's smart.
02:35She lives in the moment.
02:36Translation.
02:37She's ugly.
02:37She's ugly.
02:38She uggs in the ugly.
02:39Oh, and she's totally hot.
02:42Okay.
02:43I guess I can take her off your hands for an evening.
02:45So, do you have any other hot single friend?
02:48No.
02:48Kelly works on this.
02:50She's weird.
02:51Oh, no, Ted, your blazer.
02:54What?
02:54What?
02:54What?
02:54Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it.
02:57Love it.
02:59And his hair was perfect.
03:02They were wearing the same shirt.
03:04Oh, wait.
03:05No, that's just my shirt reflected in yours.
03:07One of the 24 similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny
03:12objects.
03:13You really never read my blog, do you?
03:15All right, Tin Man.
03:16Let's hit it.
03:17All right.
03:18Well, have fun at your little disco, guys.
03:20What the hell happened to these two?
03:22Marshall and I are just growing up.
03:24Yeah, it's gonna be sweet, too.
03:25Like tonight, we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool gourmet
03:29cheeses.
03:31Wow, who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay?
03:37All right, cool kids are leaving now.
03:40Grandma?
03:41Grandpa?
03:41Don't wait up.
03:53My, oh, my.
03:54There are some ferocious-looking cutlets here tonight.
03:58All right.
03:59Hook-up strategy, colon.
04:01Find a cutlet, lock her in early, grind with her, all night till she's mine.
04:07Do strategies ever work for you?
04:09The question is, do these strategies ever not work for me?
04:13Either way, the answer's about half the time.
04:17My bitches!
04:19Check this out.
04:21Um, bear with me.
04:26We're her bitches, too.
04:30We'll wait here.
04:32And with today's interest rate climate, you gotta go for the 30-year fixed mortgage.
04:36Oh, totally.
04:39So, Marshall, what about you?
04:40You guys, uh, thinking house, baby?
04:42No.
04:43Um, no, I think we're gonna wait on the baby thing.
04:47I mean, I love babies.
04:48Babies rule.
04:50Pudgy arms and stuff.
04:51But, uh, they make you old.
04:53Kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot.
04:57Forever.
04:58I'm three months pregnant.
05:01Not awkward, guys.
05:03Not awkward unless we let it be awkward.
05:12This place seems great.
05:14Is Kelly here?
05:15Yep, she's around somewhere.
05:16Uh, let's go find her.
05:17I'll introduce you guys.
05:18Then I should, um, probably dock into the VIP room.
05:21So stupid and arbitrary, isn't it?
05:23Who gets to be a VIP and who doesn't?
05:25Can we come?
05:26It's not that arbitrary.
05:31Whoa, this place is loud.
05:33You think?
06:21I think it was kind of weird that Ted didn't invite me out with him.
06:25Why, you'd rather be out at some dance club all noisy and sweaty with the dunge, dunge, dunge, dunge.
06:32Is that what you want?
06:33Dunge, dunge, dunge, dunge.
06:35Is this what you want?
06:3730-year fixed mortgage.
06:39I'm three months pregnant.
06:46That was awkward.
06:52Let's start drinking.
06:54Oh, not so fast.
06:56In order for the tannins to mellow, we should let it breathe for about 30 minutes.
07:02Freaking tannins.
07:06Freaking tannins.
07:09Freaking tannins.
07:10Freaking tannins.
07:13Freaking tannins.
07:13Freaking tannins.
07:15Freaking tannins.
07:17Freaking tannins.
07:18Freaking tannins.
07:19Freaking tannins.
07:20Freaking tannins.
07:20Freaking tannins.
07:20Freaking tannins.
07:21Freaking tannins.
07:21Freaking tannins.
07:21Freaking tannins.
07:21Freaking tannins.
07:22Freaking tannins.
07:23Freaking tannins.
07:23Freaking tannins.
07:23Freaking tannins.
07:23Freaking tannins.
07:23Freaking tannins.
07:25Freaking tannins.
07:27Freaking tannins.
07:29Freaking tannins.
07:35you know what they're doing in there right now they're watching Claire's ultrasound video
07:39and I swear to God even the baby looks bored come on it's not that bad we're really starting
07:46to click with these guys Claire and Austin just invited us to their fondue fest next
07:51Saturday night are you honestly trying to get me excited about fondue it's dipping stuff in
07:56hot cheese what's not to love okay that does sound good but it's tipping stuff in hot cheese with
08:04boring people Marshall it's time for us to grow up Marshall knew she was right he had to stop acting
08:13like a kid but not tonight now our apartment was on the third floor so I'm not sure if this
08:22part is
08:23actually true but uncle Marshall swears it happened taxi
09:16the new album is great it's all smooth and polished not all dark and heavy like the early stuff oh
09:22yeah
09:22Nora Jones just gets better and better please tell me we can drink the wine now five more minutes we
09:30don't want to rush those tannins
09:33freaking tannins
09:50I'm wetting my pants
09:51I'm wetting my pants
10:08I think that's when I realized clubs weren't awesome clubs weren't even okay clubs sucked I had to get out
10:18of there
10:20hey Robert hey weren't you inside I'm calling the owner there's a guy in there who won't let me into
10:25the stupid VIP room what are you doing here
10:27oh I had this move so I came here to bust it
10:36great voicemail thanks I'll see you bye oh come on he just got here probably famous
10:42oh yeah isn't there a third Affleck brother Keith Affleck or Brian Affleck or something
10:48holy crap
10:49we just saw Brian Affleck
10:53and it's not like I care so much about getting into the VIP room I have been in tons of
10:57VIP rooms not exactly a VIP room virgin seriously call me back
11:05oh
11:05oh um I was just in there Robin Chabatsky I'm on the list
11:09names already crossed off sorry
11:12but I'm Robin Chabatsky
11:14I'm a reporter for Channel One
11:16there's a Channel One?
11:17back of the line
11:21there's a Channel One
11:21there's a Channel One
11:25there's a Channel One
11:30there's a Channel One
11:33there's a Channel One
11:33there's a Channel One
11:34there's a Channel One
11:35there's a Channel One
11:35there's a Channel One
11:35there's a Channel One
11:37there's a Channel One
11:38there's a Channel One
11:39there's a Channel One
11:40there's a Channel One
11:41there's a Channel One
11:41there's a Channel One
11:42there's a Channel One
11:43there's a Channel One
11:58Coat wench, do not uncheck that man's jacket.
12:01Sorry, this isn't being dramatic.
12:02You're not a wench.
12:03No, no, no, coat wench.
12:04I like it.
12:05I should get a sign made up.
12:07What are you doing here?
12:08Lily let you go?
12:09Lily, who cares, right?
12:11You are so dead.
12:12Oh, I'm so dead.
12:13Wow.
12:14I'm going home.
12:14No, ah!
12:15I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to come down here.
12:18I'm going to party with my bro.
12:20Now, dammit, we're going to party.
12:21All right, one beer.
12:23Yes!
12:23Finally, I don't have to wait half an hour for a drink.
12:33Oh, man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this.
12:36This is important to the story.
12:37Earlier that day, Marshall went to the dentist and got a temporary crown put in.
12:42Okay, so anyway.
13:03Marshall, are you okay?
13:28Again, I wasn't there, so I'm a little foggy on the details.
13:35Taxi!
13:42Hey.
13:44Hey.
13:44Marshall just ditched out on our own party.
13:47Can you get me in there?
13:48I kind of need to kill him.
13:49Actually, I can't even get myself in.
13:52I'm such a dork.
13:53I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts.
13:57I'm not even an IP.
14:01I'm just a lowly little pee sitting out here in the gutter.
14:06You know something?
14:07I'd take a pee in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day.
14:11Hmm.
14:26I broke my tooth!
14:28Do you have any aspirin?
14:32Maybe there's a machine here!
14:36No, let's do!
14:45Now to this day, I don't know what happened in there.
14:47But when Marshall came out a few minutes later...
15:01Rough night?
15:03Yeah.
15:04These clubs are supposed to be fun, right?
15:07Why do I hate them so much?
15:09Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like...
15:11usually sucks.
15:13Like these clubs.
15:15Or cruises.
15:16Or New Year's Eve.
15:19Or the Super Bowl.
15:21Or parades.
15:22The Rockettes.
15:24Or parades.
15:26You said that already.
15:27I really hate parades.
15:29Okay.
15:30We just left in the middle of our own party.
15:34You don't do that.
15:35Unless, of course, you're chasing after somebody who's already done it.
15:39And then I think it's okay.
15:42Well, I hate to take your side, but come on.
15:44A wine tasting?
15:45What's the big plan for next Saturday?
15:47Scrabble night?
15:49Don't check your email.
15:51Why are you becoming this person?
15:53I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.
15:57Once on a dare.
15:59The other times were just for fun.
16:02I'm not in college anymore.
16:04I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards.
16:09You can only go forward.
16:11Um, Falls.
16:12You can go wherever you want.
16:14I guess the question is, where do you want to go?
16:16I want to go into this club and find my fiancé.
16:19Well, that you can't do.
16:22You want to bet?
16:25Follow my lead.
16:28Hey, big guy.
16:32I said, follow my lead.
16:34Yes.
16:34Follow, follow our lead.
16:35Do it, please, do it, please.
16:36I want you to follow our lead.
16:44Those were the four greatest and only breasts I have ever seen.
16:52Yeah, see, if everyone keeps telling you something is supposed to be fun, it's usually not right.
16:58Right, so by that logic, if you and I were to say, uh, go out on a date.
17:04Well, then we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
17:07Right, the DMV it is.
17:09Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
17:11Sounds awful.
17:11It's a date.
17:12Okay.
17:13But there's still one big question that needs to be answered.
17:19How many of these coats do you think I can put on all at once?
17:21Okay.
17:48You shine the life on my life.
17:51You shine the life on my life.
17:55You shine the life on my life.
18:07Okay, for the wedge.
18:30Barney.
18:33Ted, get your coat, we're leaving.
18:35What? What happened to that, uh, cutlet you were grinding with?
18:38That was my cousin, Leslie.
18:41What?
18:41No, no, no, we are not laughing about this, Ted.
18:45This is not going to be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple months.
18:48It's not going to be like, hey, remember that time when you were grinding with...
18:52No.
18:54And you know why?
18:55Why? Because, italics, this night did not happen.
18:59And you promise me that you will never, ever, ever tell another living soul what transpired here tonight.
19:05You promise. Promise.
19:07Yeah, promise. Let's get Marshall and go, okay?
19:10Hey, thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon.
19:15Um, hey, tip or Barney?
19:17Why, I didn't check a coat. And even if I did, on principle, tip-tops have become so...
19:20Funny story, Barney was grinding with his girl all night?
19:22Fine.
19:27That's a handy new trick.
19:41So Marshall and Lily rediscovered their youth.
19:44It was nice.
19:47And then it got...
19:48Icky.
19:51It isn't too hard to see.
19:54We're really...
19:59I'm really glad you guys came out tonight.
20:04You know, dude, can I just say something?
20:08It kind of hurt that you guys didn't invite me out.
20:11I mean, I know things have changed since I got engaged, but it would have been nice to be asked.
20:17I'm sorry. I just assumed you had other plans.
20:20They played some good songs tonight.
20:22I mean, lately...
20:24I know, I know. It just seems like suddenly we're living in two different worlds.
20:29Maybe you've got more in common with Barney.
20:32What?
20:33Are you crazy?
20:35You think I like going to those clubs?
20:37I'd so much rather go to your fruity little wine tasting.
20:40Oh my God, I'm gonna barf.
20:42Where's my barf?
20:43Where's my barf?
20:44No, I'm okay.
20:47The problem is, you can't do any of that couple stuff unless you have someone to do it with.
20:52And the only way I'm gonna find that someone is by going out and doing stupid single stuff with Barney.
20:57What?
21:00But man, when I find her, we're gonna have some badass wine tastings.
21:06It's a plan.
21:09Hey, maybe it'll be that cute coat shed girl.
21:11Yeah.
21:13Maybe it will be.
21:14It wasn't.
21:18You know, Ted, I don't say this nearly enough, but I really value...
21:23I like this great salad!
21:44You know, I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and
22:00I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like
22:00this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great
22:00salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and
22:00I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like
22:00this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great
22:00salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and
22:00I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like
22:00this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great salad, and I like this great
22:00salad, and I like this salad, and I like
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