00:04Hi, I'm Alan Partridge. I'm a busy man. One day I can be recording a TV show, the next I
00:10can be
00:10shuttling up to Harrogate to host a Get Motivated weekend for the Bostick Salesforce. But when I go
00:16back to Norwich, I like to relax by rambling. I switch off my mobile phone, put my pager on mute
00:21and enjoy the stillness of the Norfolk countryside.
00:27I always like to go for a walk on Christmas morning for two to three hours alone. I do
00:31ask the others, my wife Carol, son Fernando, he's at Cambridge, and Denise, but they always make
00:37their excuses. It's as if they know that I, Alan Partridge, require solitude. So I hop in the car
00:44and pop along the A47 to Swatham. Swatham was our stalking ground when we were young. We'd all
00:50pile into the back of a friend's mustard-coloured triumph dolomite, and we'd head over to Swatham
00:57and have a picnic, and then drive home again. Great days. I'm not just Swatham. I don't want
01:04Swatham to get all the credit. It was the whole area. I'm talking about North Pickenham, Necton,
01:09Great Palgrave, Spall. We even went as far as East Walton. I mean, there was no stopping us.
01:15There's a caravan site there now, so it's quite a good one. It's not gypsies. I mean,
01:20it's proper toilets and proper amenities.
01:27We're actually on the grounds of Mike Oldfield's country estate. We're not actually on his ground.
01:33This is common ground. That's Mr. Oldfield's over there. Hergist Ridge, name of one of his albums.
01:39We did ask Mr. Oldfield if we could film there, but he said, being Christmas, he'd wanted a bit of
01:44privacy.
01:45It's understandable. Would have been nice, you know. A bit small-minded, really. A bit nasty.
01:51Anyway, on with the ramble. Can't go over there. I'll go over there.
01:56Oldfield hosts a celebrity clay pigeon shoot every Christmas. He invites around Paul Eddington,
02:02Adam Faith, Danny Baker, Moira Stewart, Edward Heath, and Mr. Motivator.
02:09And Francis Rossi of Status Quo.
02:17That was my watch.
02:19I've just lost my blimey watch.
02:26Actually, keep that bit in. It's nice. I think it gives it a human touch. Nice. Keep it in.
02:33I used to come here as a child on my own. I would skim stones. On one occasion, I hit
02:40a duck and it disappeared beneath the water.
02:42To this day, I don't know whether it was dead or just badly concussed.
02:46I love birds, and I like to come here and make bird noises.
03:01I'm no Dr. Doolittle, but there are times when I think birds are the only ones I can really talk
03:08to.
03:09Maybe that's because I'm a partridge.
03:12Alan Partridge.
03:20Someone should clean up these leaves.
03:23In the same way I'm having a Christmas ramble, 2,000 years ago, the Holy Family had a ramble from
03:28Nazareth to Bethlehem,
03:30in much the same way that I'm having a ramble from Norwich to Swatham.
03:34Although I'm not comparing myself with Jesus. I don't want to get bogged down in that whole controversy again.
03:40Right? So I'm not Jesus.
03:42I want to make that absolutely clear. Right?
03:44I am not Jesus.
03:47It's beautiful here.
03:49The nearest shop is over two miles away, which is a problem.
03:54Somebody suggested building a small snack bar, but there was a meeting at Swatham Village Hall,
03:59and the planning people said it would spoil the beauty of the area.
04:03So I suggested a compromise, which was to be a series of vending machines placed in hedges.
04:08It could give out Kit Kats, Mars bars, chunky soup, slices of ham, five alive's,
04:13but they voted it down, so you've just got to come prepared.
04:17I pack a finger of fudge, about the size of a slim panatella.
04:23I used to come here when I was at East Anglia Polytechnic.
04:27It wasn't particularly happy days that I'd come down here on my own, transistor,
04:33sing my favourite pop songs.
04:54Thank you for joining me on a Christmas ramble with Alan Pottridge.
04:58I'm going to go back to my wife now.
05:00Bye-bye.
05:00Bye-bye.
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