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00:03Ah! Now you've finished breakfast, I want you to go into the garden.
00:09Why do I get the feeling that I'm going into the garden?
00:12We must help Emmett.
00:14Well, how is my going into the garden helping Emmett?
00:17Because he's so shy, poor dear.
00:21Now look, I know he's dying to offer me a role in The Boyfriend, but he just can't pluck up
00:25the courage.
00:26I think he's got people for all the parts already.
00:31Now, you go out into the garden and when you spot him, give me a signal and I'll start to
00:36sing.
00:38What signal?
00:39Oh, point or something.
00:42But what act?
00:43At anything. Point, up in the air.
00:46Say, oh, look, there's a bluebird.
00:48There aren't any bluebirds.
00:50Well, blackbirds then, please don't make difficulties, Richard.
00:56Well, you should tell her.
00:58She never listens.
01:00Harsinth is a talker, not a listener.
01:03You was face up to her fairly and squarely.
01:05I tried that.
01:07I told her the other morning in the middle of that excruciating coffee session.
01:11The one you couldn't make, sister dear.
01:16Harsinth, I said.
01:17Harsinth, my production of The Boyfriend is already fully cast.
01:21That was very brave.
01:22What did she say?
01:25She gave me one of her smiles, slipped me a parsnip and rhubarb biscuit,
01:30and then asked me whether I'd seen her pictures of Sheridan when he came first in his dance class.
01:37Have you seen them?
01:38No, thank heavens.
01:39Oh, they're worth a look.
01:41Poor Sheridan.
01:43You know, he never really stood a chance.
01:45Show me your signal, Richard.
02:03Right, I'm off.
02:05Is the coast clear?
02:06Well, there's just Richard behaving very strangely.
02:16Poor chap's finally flipped.
02:19And who can blame him?
02:22I'm amazed he didn't flip years ago.
02:33Morning, Richard.
02:34Good morning, Emmett.
02:35Oh, look.
02:36A blackbird.
02:40Oh, look.
02:41Another.
02:49Oh, Violet, you know you can confide in me.
02:53You're getting fed up with whose company?
02:56Bruce's?
02:58Oh, well, that's only natural.
02:59He's your husband.
03:01Oh, yes, they do get tiresome.
03:05What you need is another dimension to your lifestyle.
03:09Yes, perhaps you should entertain a little more.
03:12Mmm, give a little soiree.
03:15I could come along and bring some socially acceptable guests.
03:19Yes.
03:20No, don't get alarmed, Violet, dear.
03:23We can keep it quite simple.
03:25A little caviar, champagne, and cut glass fingers.
03:33Onslow, where did we first make love?
03:44Did you repeat the question?
03:49Where did we first make love?
03:52It made such an impression on you, you can't even remember it.
03:57I can remember when we last made love.
04:03Just.
04:06Why is father standing in a bucket?
04:10Is he standing in a bucket?
04:12Just standing there with both feet in the bucket.
04:15Is he quiet?
04:16Yes.
04:17So leave him alone.
04:18Get yourself another bucket.
04:20I don't want a bucket.
04:22So why do you care if father's standing in a bucket?
04:26I wish I'd never asked.
04:31Why didn't you come out when I signalled?
04:34I was on the telephone.
04:36Oh, of nothing to wear.
04:40Well, you've missed Emmett.
04:41Oh, you can forget all about that now.
04:45What?
04:46We shall invite Elizabeth and Emmett to go with us tonight to Violet's.
04:51Are we going to Violet's?
04:52Yes, Richard.
04:54For a superlative summer evening with my well-heeled sister.
04:58Oh.
05:00Caviar, champagne, quail's eggs, cut glass finger bowls.
05:11Is Rose cooking breakfast?
05:13I shouldn't think so.
05:15Well, if Rose is cooking breakfast, it smells very funny.
05:20It was in that bush shelter in Milton Street.
05:28What was?
05:30Where we first made love.
05:32No, it wasn't.
05:34We never needed a bus that went past Milton Street.
05:39I was sure I had a boyfriend that needed a bus that went past Milton Street.
05:44Well, it wasn't me.
05:49It's not an empty bucket.
05:51What's in it?
05:54Horse manure.
05:57Ask a simple question.
05:59Father is standing barefoot in a bucket of horse manure.
06:04Why would he do that?
06:06Maybe he lost his slippers.
06:10I knew it didn't smell like breakfast.
06:17You love it at Violet's.
06:21You've heard me talk of Violet many times.
06:24She's my sister with the Mercedes sauna and room for a pony.
06:29You must bring Emmett.
06:32We shall have a superlative summer evening.
06:36Caviar, champagne, quail's eggs, smoked salmon parcels.
06:40Nothing too formal.
06:42Just something tasteful with hand-engraved cut glass finger bowls.
07:04Oh, Emmett will love it.
07:06Oh, I don't think Emmett will be able to come, Hyacinth.
07:10Oh, he will when he knows I'll be there.
07:13Well, I'm not even certain I can get word to him.
07:16You see, he's rehearsing all day at the church hall.
07:19Oh, don't worry about that, dear.
07:21We'll catch him there.
07:23Well, I don't know that that's a frightening point.
07:24I could help Emmett drill his cast.
07:28It'd be nice for him to have someone to lean on.
07:32Oh, I'm sorry.
07:33How did that get in there?
07:42I'm terribly sorry, Hyacinth.
07:45Don't worry, dear.
07:47They're not really all that expensive.
07:52More than most people would pay, but then accidents will happen.
07:56Rather too frequently, unfortunately.
08:06Should we really be interrupting Emmett's rehearsals?
08:09That's been worrying me, too.
08:11Oh, Emmett won't mind if it's me.
08:13Emmett and I are bonded by our mutual love of music.
08:17I think perhaps we ought to warn him.
08:18Call him on the telephone first.
08:20That sounds like a very good idea.
08:23But there's no phone in the church hall.
08:25We'll have to phone the vicarage,
08:26and his poor wife will have to take the message over to the hall.
08:29I still think it might be the thing to do.
08:54Richard, did you see this?
08:56This man pushed in.
08:58Just wait.
09:00Wait!
09:01Why should I wait?
09:07Excuse me, but that's my telephone call you're making.
09:10I was here first.
09:13Please go away, madam.
09:15I shan't be a minute.
09:18Richard!
09:19Eject this man!
09:22Eject?
09:24Richard, this man's incited me.
09:28Not quite.
09:29But it's getting close.
09:43You obviously overuse the public system.
09:46I very rarely use it,
09:47as I possess a white slimline telephone with automatic reader.
09:51With a voice like yours,
09:53I'm surprised you even need a telephone.
10:01Richard, come and help me!
10:03Hyacinth, stop that at once,
10:05and get into the car!
10:22Well done, sir.
10:23In wartime,
10:23you'd have got a medal for courage like that.
10:28We've been finished,
10:31and our families won't.
10:33We've been to be finished,
10:35but at least we all have a medal.
10:40Hold it.
10:41Hold it, girls.
10:42That's very good,
10:43but I think we can do a bit more work.
10:46Vic,
10:47have you ever done this sort of thing?
10:49Not for some time.
10:51University.
10:51I'm sure you can remember the old...
11:04Yes,
11:05these are a bit rusty.
11:06No, it's good, it's good.
11:07It's not, not, not bad at all.
11:09Why don't you come up here,
11:10and we'll show them how to do it.
11:12Okay.
11:13Come on, girls.
11:14Go down there,
11:14and watch.
11:21We're perfect young ladies
11:23preparing to take
11:25our offices
11:26amongst the noblesse.
11:28We're perfect young ladies
11:30preparing to take
11:31our offices.
11:42Father's not as daft as you think.
11:45Standing in a bucket of horse manure.
11:47He's giving it a good try.
11:49He says it's good for his chillblings.
11:52Has he got chillblings?
11:54No,
11:55so there must be something in it.
11:59Where did he get the stuff from, anyway?
12:01He found it in the street.
12:04He's beginning to worry
12:05where his next load's coming from.
12:09Well, I'm not going out collecting for him.
12:17Now what?
12:20He may think it's good for his chillblings,
12:22but if that's the only medicine
12:23he's got faith in,
12:24I hope he never gets barber's rash.
12:43It's no good sulking, Harrison.
12:45The situation calls for firm measures
12:47it was embarrassing.
12:49It was embarrassing.
12:51I must say, Richard,
12:53there are times when I'm amazed
12:54by your impatience
12:55and your lack of consideration
12:57for other people.
13:00My impatience?
13:01Yes.
13:03Elizabeth was a witness.
13:05She heard you raise your voice to me.
13:09Well, I've never raised my voice to you before.
13:12Well, I think I'll just go and warn him
13:14that you're coming.
13:15No.
13:15We'll surprise him.
13:24I think I'd rather be out here
13:26when Emmett's surprised.
13:28And don't forget the smiles.
13:31Always big smiles.
13:45Is that what you're wearing?
13:48Not very haute couture, is it?
13:50Has anyone seen Emmett?
13:52I had to leave.
13:54In a hurry.
13:54In a great hurry.
13:56Oh, what a pity.
13:57He'll be sorry he's missed me.
14:01Of course, I could wait
14:03and take you through your paces.
14:09Any girl who's reached the age of 17
14:13or they're about
14:14so I could desire
14:16and put you
14:17Oh no!
14:33Let's go right outside.
14:41It's her husband.
14:43Come on, quick!
14:47We call the boyfriend.
14:50Wasn't that young?
14:51My wife, yes.
14:53Thought I recognised the noise.
14:56Voice.
14:58Shall we go round the back, wee?
14:59What a good idea.
15:01We call the boyfriend.
15:07Did you know my diction is very important
15:10and the audience can hear the words?
15:15Why exactly is Mrs. Buki singing?
15:17She wanted to involve herself in my brother's rehearsals.
15:20Oh, I bet she was pleased.
15:23Everybody.
15:25Please don't feel embarrassed watching me.
15:27I can quite understand how envious you must be.
15:31It's a gift, you see.
15:32Some of us have it, some of us don't.
15:35You can't all expect to have voices like myself and Joan Sutherland.
15:41Thank you for helping me carry the jumble.
15:43We'll put it under the stage.
15:44Would you mind, Elizabeth?
15:45No, no, of course not.
15:47If I pop inside, perhaps you'd hand things down to me.
15:50Certainly.
15:55What on earth's going on?
15:59What are you all doing down here?
16:02Rehearsing.
16:03Aren't we, yes.
16:04Yes, of course.
16:05A very tricky routine.
16:07Oh, very tricky.
16:10Ready, girls?
16:11One, two, three.
16:12We're perfect, young ladies.
16:14We're perfect today.
16:15Emmett!
16:16What on earth are you doing?
16:19Rehearsing.
16:20I'm afraid I'm not convinced.
16:22Michael, what are you doing under the stage with three girls?
16:26Well, it's not just three girls.
16:28Emmett's here.
16:29He's a single man.
16:32Divorce?
16:33It's the same thing.
16:35Not quite technically, dear.
16:37Excuse me.
16:41Look, why are you making such fuss?
16:44You think under the stage, in the pitch dark, with three girls is really appropriate for
16:49a vicar?
16:50Darkness is clerical territory.
16:52You're supposed to fight it, not join it.
16:57Hello?
16:59There's a perfectly simple explanation.
17:01I know.
17:02That's what worries me.
17:04Oh, there you are, Emmett.
17:06Violet's.
17:07Just when I thought I was in enough trouble.
17:10Thank you, too, vicar.
17:12How fortunate to find you all together.
17:14I have a surprise for you.
17:16You're all invited this evening to my sister Violet's.
17:21She's the one with the Mercedes, the sauna, and room for a pony.
17:25Now, I want you all there at six o'clock this evening for a bon vivant buffet and our fresco
17:31manchettes.
17:32For weather permitting, of course.
17:34We don't want soggy vollevon, do we?
17:52Now, Richard, I want you to be at your most elegant this evening.
18:00I don't do a good elegant.
18:03But, of course you do, dear.
18:06Look who's been training you all these years.
18:11What about the buffet items?
18:13Oh, you can fetch all that in a minute.
18:21It's even better than ours.
18:25Hello, dear.
18:27Hello, dear.
18:27Hi, Hysanth.
18:28Richard.
18:29Where the hell have you gone now?
18:32Violet!
18:33Pay attention when I'm yelling at you!
18:36Get lost!
18:37Not you.
18:39Him.
18:40Lovely to see you both.
18:48Who was this guy you were with in the bus shelter in Milton Street?
18:53Don't worry about him.
18:55You liked him.
18:57It's not as if it was somebody you didn't like.
18:59Sounds as if you liked him better.
19:03What do you mean, I liked him?
19:06It was a friend of yours.
19:08Oh, nice.
19:10Some friend.
19:13It's not as if we were married at the time.
19:17Father's gone.
19:18Did you know she used to be in a bus shelter in Milton Street with some guy?
19:22Only on Fridays.
19:24What guy?
19:25That's what I want to know.
19:27What guy?
19:28What do you mean, Father's gone?
19:30Oh, he's gone with his bucket, looking for another load.
19:34Do you mean that shelter at the bottom end of Milton Street?
19:38That's the one.
19:39Woo-hoo!
19:40Oh, I've spent some happy hours in that shelter.
19:44Sounds as though everybody except me spent happy hours in that bus shelter.
19:48I think he's jealous.
19:50Ooh!
19:51Oh, I think that's so sweet!
19:54Oh, no!
19:57I wouldn't mind you, you were always borrowing your bus fare.
20:01It looks rather good.
20:03Not quite my candlelight supper, but it's certainly elegant.
20:07Why are you trying to choke me?
20:09I hate you!
20:10I can't stand you!
20:12Why don't we just phone round and cancel everybody?
20:14Richard, I will not disappoint people.
20:16We have friends coming tonight who are expecting a bon vivant buffet and alfresco munchiettes,
20:22and that's exactly what they're going to receive.
20:23But what about the row indoors?
20:26It'll quieten down.
20:28It'll have to.
20:30If it doesn't, we'll drown it out with music.
20:33Do we have any music?
20:35Don't make difficulties, Richard.
20:38Take a positive attitude, dear.
20:40I want this evening to be elegant and memorable.
20:44Don't do that!
20:45I have a feeling it is going to be memorable.
20:56Oh, yes, that's really lovely.
21:00An elegant gastronomic delight.
21:03Are you on top of the barbecue, Richard?
21:08I'm getting there.
21:10Slowly.
21:11You've hidden the carving knife again!
21:13I've every reason to hide.
21:15Carving knife?
21:16Did you hear that?
21:17Richard, I will not have you eavesdropping on private conversations.
21:21You call that private?
21:23Get out of my way!
21:25Do something, dear.
21:26I hate you!
21:28The legs are too short!
21:30Wait, have an idea.
21:31I'm going nowhere near them if they're waving carving knives around.
21:35We need to be able to drown out their voices.
21:38Nor am I contacting the Royal Artillery.
21:42No, just go and have a look inside and see if you can find some large sheets of card and
21:48a thick pen.
21:50What for?
21:51Never you mind.
21:52Couldn't we have a puncture or something?
21:55Couldn't the car break down and then we couldn't possibly get there?
21:58You promised the vicar you'd come.
22:00You're going to give each other mutual support.
22:02If I had a brain, you think I'd be married to you?
22:06There!
22:08Well, what are you going to do?
22:09Hold it up and hope that Violet and Bruce will surrender?
22:13No!
22:15We're going to have a barbecue sing-song.
22:18Surely you can understand anyone hiding from the Bucket Woman.
22:22Yes, of course I can.
22:24What I can't understand is why you felt you needed the moral support of three attractive
22:30young ladies.
22:32You're the one with them out!
22:33You really think this is going to work?
22:34What did I say make sense?
22:36It will if you sing loud enough.
22:40That's probably Elizabeth and Emmett.
22:43Well, at least it's quiet at the moment.
22:46They'll be in each other's arms.
22:49Looking for the jugular.
22:51Hello, Elizabeth and Emmett.
22:54Hello.
22:55Welcome to our barbecue with the unique sing-for-your-supper speciality.
23:01Oh, no.
23:02She's not going to sing.
23:04Tell me she's not going to sing.
23:06Quiet.
23:07Well, I must say the buffet looks lovely, Hyacinth.
23:11Thank you, dear.
23:12Um, how does the singing side of the evening work?
23:15Oh, it's a party game based on an idea originally conceived by Henry VIII for his banquets.
23:21Oh, interesting.
23:23Yes.
23:24Fascinating.
23:25Yes, it's perfectly simple.
23:27Whenever I pick up one of these cards, then everyone sings the song it names.
23:33I know.
23:34Oh, just better than...
23:34Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the ways.
23:39Britain never, never, never shall be slaves.
23:43Oh, Richard, sing up, dear.
23:44Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the ways.
23:48Britain never, never, never shall be slaves.
23:53Lovely.
23:55Lovely.
23:57Now, what can I offer you as a preliminary nibble?
24:01Do you think she has any suicide pills?
24:04Behaviour says.
24:06Oh, hello again, Vicar.
24:08How nice to see you and your good lady.
24:11Good evening, Mrs Bucket.
24:12Vicky.
24:13Do relax and enjoy yourselves.
24:16Why do you go that funny collar?
24:18I've stood life with you.
24:19There's always a happy man where there's a country lane.
24:26Is that right?
24:26Wherever there's a party's called beside a pill of rain.
24:33There's always a night in England and England shall be free.
24:40It's long.
24:45Just a party game, Vicar.
24:47You'll soon get the hang of it.
24:52Richard will soon have the hot food ready, won't you, dear?
24:55But in the meantime, do help yourself to my ancillary items.
24:59Thank you, Hyacinth.
25:00Don't spite me there!
25:01Don't spite me there!
25:02Oh, and spite me there!
25:04There will always be an animal
25:07While there's a country lane
25:11She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
25:14She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
25:18She'll be coming round the mountain
25:20Coming round the mountain
25:22Coming round the mountain when she comes
25:26I can't believe this is happening.
25:28Now, do help yourselves.
25:30I don't want to take it all home again.
25:33It all has to be eaten.
25:34How dare you say that!
25:36You know, I just don't want to have a farm
25:39E-I-E-I-O
25:41And on that farm there was a duck
25:43E-I-E-I-O
25:45With a barbecue, barbecue, barbecue
25:48Okay, fire!
25:50Oh, Richard, what are you doing?
25:52Your barbecue's out of control!
25:55Daddy, what a miracle!
25:58Just when we need him,
26:00Daddy appears with a bucket of water!
26:03Oh!
26:10I have enough of you, I really have!
26:13I don't know who you think you are!
26:15Go away!
26:18Oh, dear!
26:19What a pity Bruce can't stay!
26:22You wouldn't join us, Violet, dear!
26:24I thought we might take home a Chinese!