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00:02Richard!
00:03I know that voice.
00:06Do you remember the Winslows?
00:09No.
00:10Well, they've overlooked something.
00:12They came to one of my candlelight suppers
00:14and they've never invited us back.
00:16I can't understand it.
00:18I think I can.
00:21It must be an oversight.
00:23They're not the kind of people who'd commit a breach of manners.
00:26You must ring them for a chat and drop a hint, Richard.
00:30Me?
00:30Well, I'd do it myself, only I'm not the sort of person
00:32who goes fishing for invitations.
00:36I can't do that.
00:38Good, that's settled, then.
00:47Rose is all excited.
00:51We all know that.
00:53Most of the male population knows that.
00:57She's engaged.
00:59You've got to admire the eternal optimism.
01:03She thinks this is the real thing.
01:05Well, if she doesn't know by now, she never will.
01:09Do you remember when we were engaged?
01:14Those wonderful hours at the back of the bakery.
01:20That wasn't me.
01:27Richard?
01:31I wonder what the voice of God sounds like.
01:37Isn't it time we had our invitations to the Mayor's Fancy Dress Ball?
01:41Well, I don't suppose we'll get one this year.
01:44Of course we will.
01:46We've always had one.
01:47When I was an officer of the council, I'm retired now.
01:51Well, that's no excuse.
01:53It'd be ridiculous if we didn't get an invitation to the Mayor's Fancy Dress Ball.
01:58And, Richard, isn't it time we made ourselves known to our new neighbour?
02:04Have we got a new neighbour?
02:06Oh, yes.
02:07A Mrs Donoghue.
02:09She was a proctor.
02:10You know, Proctor's Pickles.
02:12And her father's very highly placed in condiment circles.
02:16I haven't noticed anyone moving into the road.
02:20It's in the next road.
02:22And that's a new neighbour in another road.
02:24Well, I don't see that as a barrier.
02:26She's still within our postcode.
02:32How engaged?
02:34She's engaged.
02:35You're either engaged or you're not.
02:37Rose is engaged.
02:39Has she got a ring?
02:40I mean, has she got another ring?
02:45She just showed it to me.
02:46It's lovely.
02:48She must have more engagement rings than there are in Willis's window.
02:53She had more than I had when she had one.
02:57I couldn't afford an engagement ring.
02:59Didn't stop you wanting all the privileges, though, did it?
03:04Mind you, I must say, you've slowed down a lot since.
03:10Goodnight, Days.
03:20Come on, Michael. Come on. Stiffen the sinews.
03:23Duty calls.
03:38Mrs Bucket.
03:40Booket.
03:42Booket, Booket.
03:44Oh.
03:45Haven't you an invitation for me?
03:47Why would I invite you anywhere?
03:51I mean an invitation to the Lord Mayor's fancy dress ball.
03:55It must be in there.
03:57Oh.
04:00No, sorry.
04:05Please check at the sorting office that you've not overlooked my invitation to the Mayor's fancy dress ball.
04:15Drink up, Elizabeth.
04:19I won't be a moment, but as you were five minutes early for coffee this morning, I haven't quite finished
04:25making my cakes.
04:27Richard won't be joining us yet.
04:29He's having a chat with the Mayor at the Town Hall.
04:33Lucky Richard.
04:34David.
04:34Yes, I thought I'd better send him along personally.
04:40And the Mayor will be so distressed when he realises our invitations are late.
04:47Invitations?
04:48To the Mayor's fancy dress ball.
04:50We always get an invitation to the Mayor's fancy dress ball.
04:57It's the highlight of the municipal year.
05:00It's very exclusive.
05:03I'm sure it is.
05:05Last year I went as Cleopatra.
05:09Richard went as Mark Antony.
05:11But quite frankly, he was something of a disappointment as a Roman.
05:15He never quite got control of his javelin.
05:20I still have the scarf.
05:26Personally, I don't care if we're not invited.
05:28I hated being a Roman.
05:30It was damn difficult juggling with that javelin and the buffet.
05:36Are you on the list?
05:37I don't suppose we are now that I've retired.
05:40But Hyacinth wants to go.
05:41Very much so.
05:42I'll put you on the list.
05:51Thanks, Paul. This will make life so much easier for me.
05:56Not drinking, Elizabeth.
05:58Thought I'd let it get cool.
06:02I think you'll find it's all right, dear. Try it.
06:09Oh! You were going to tell me about the Winslows.
06:11Oh! Yes!
06:14You know, they've never returned my invitation.
06:18When I think about it, I may have overdone it at my candlelight supper.
06:23Poor dear was probably so overwhelmed by the graciousness of the evening, she feels she can't compete.
06:29Yes, I expect that must be it.
06:31Oh! Biscuit!
06:33Oh, thank you.
06:34Oh, excuse me.
06:37It's probably someone very important.
06:43The bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
06:47Oh, it's you, Rose.
06:49It's my sister, Rose.
06:51Yes, she's not the one with the Mercedes sauna and room for a pony.
07:04Oh, Rose, I am pleased for you.
07:09Oh, and I do hope that this is the one you can't keep flirting with matrimony.
07:14My sister, Rose, has just become engaged.
07:19A Polish person?
07:22No, no, no, no, no, dear.
07:24I have nothing against Polish persons, but couldn't you find someone nearer?
07:30Oh, he lives here.
07:32Could you put Daisy on for a moment, dear?
07:36Do help yourself, Elizabeth.
07:48Onslow likes broken biscuits, doesn't he, Daisy?
07:53Now, Daisy, what is Rose doing marrying a Polish person?
07:58Is he suitable? What's his name?
08:00Nobody knows his name.
08:02Well, she must learn to pronounce it.
08:06She prefers to use his nickname. What is his nickname?
08:11Cuddly Chops.
08:16Daisy, you tell Rose immediately that she must learn this gentleman's name.
08:23We cannot have a Cuddly Chops in the family.
08:28Her sister, Rose, is engaged.
08:31Now, you remember Rose?
08:33Eyelashes considerably longer than her skirt.
08:38Liz, do not distract me with trivialities.
08:41Life is dark and burdensome.
08:44Oh, Emmet!
08:46You've been divorced for 18 months now.
08:48I thought you got over it.
08:50Oh, I got over that.
08:51That was a mere trifle.
08:53It's Frankenstein's mother next door.
08:59What's she done to you now?
09:02She's threatened to come to my dress rehearsal.
09:06She's volunteered to help with my dress rehearsal.
09:16Well, maybe she'll have more on her mind now that Rose is marrying a Polish person.
09:22A wedding.
09:24She'll be going to the wedding.
09:25In...
09:26In...
09:27Poland!
09:30Oh, Hyacinth could be away for weeks in Poland.
09:34The Polish person lives here.
09:38He's got no right to live here.
09:40What's a Polish person doing living in England?
09:43That's the trouble with people today.
09:44They're always wandering about.
09:46What?
09:46No one sits still.
09:48Including you.
09:49Look at you.
09:51If that's Hyacinth, tell her I've got rabies.
09:57And my bite is fatal.
10:11Richard.
10:12Oh, have a drink.
10:14It's a little bit early.
10:15There are some people, Richard, for whom it is never too early.
10:18There are some people who deserve a drink at any time.
10:21Well, just a small gin and tonic, then.
10:23Oh, go and have a large one, damn it.
10:24If anyone deserved a large one, it's you.
10:27I've been sent round by Hyacinth.
10:31Hyacinth?
10:32She's not going to be able to make your dress rehearsal.
10:35It turns out to be the same night as the mayor's fancy dress ball.
10:39Ha!
10:41We'll both have a large one.
10:44Liz, make us two large gin and tonics.
10:49He then is not here again.
10:53Well, if he doesn't mind, why should our Hyacinth mind?
10:57She doesn't think it right you calling him by his nickname.
11:00Especially that nickname.
11:02Not if you're going to get married.
11:03Well, our Hyacinth wants to try pronouncing it.
11:06There's too many zeds in it.
11:08Well, you'll have to learn it, our Rose, if you're going to get married.
11:11I keep trying to learn it.
11:13I was trying so hard, I never noticed what he was up to.
11:17That's how I came to be engaged.
11:19Why don't you work your way in slowly?
11:22What's his first name?
11:24That's nearly as bad.
11:25She needs his last name.
11:28She's going to be Mrs. whatever his last name is.
11:30What's it?
11:31I'm going to be Mrs. what's it?
11:34Well, that's about as near as I can get.
11:36I've got it written down somewhere.
11:38He spelt it for me.
11:39If he'd have been English, he'd have had to spell it for you.
11:43Nobody's going to marry you for your spelling, Rose.
11:46I managed to make my way through life, thank you.
11:49If love had a written examination, you'd have had to enter a convent.
11:55I can spell.
12:01Not tonight, Daze. It's only Tuesday.
12:05It's here.
12:08I told you.
12:11What do you think it says?
12:22What's it?
12:24I'll definitely miss the what's it.
12:28Are you sure we're on the list?
12:30Hyacinth, I've told you a thousand times.
12:32We've been invited to the mayor's fancy dress ball.
12:38Well, I think it's very short notice.
12:41Well, I apologise for that.
12:43It seems we were overlooked.
12:45Anyway, what do you want to be?
12:48Just happy in a modest sort of way.
12:51No, I mean the fancy dress.
12:54What do you want to be?
12:56Well, not a Roman.
12:57Oh, no, dear.
13:00I couldn't let you loose as a Roman again.
13:02You know, I've never actually told you, Richard, but you were very disappointing as a Roman.
13:09I expected more of a hint of brutality.
13:13In the best possible taste, of course.
13:16You see, dear, you quite failed to convince me that you'd conquered Gaul.
13:24Never mind, though, dear.
13:26Come along.
13:27Come and change.
13:28Get into something smart.
13:29We're going for a walk.
13:30Oh, where to?
13:32Does it matter where to?
13:33We need to walk more.
13:36You'll find the exercise will do us good.
13:39You're up to something.
13:41Go on, get changed.
13:51Oh!
13:55Please!
13:56Are you sure you've closed all the windows, Richard?
13:59I defy anyone to find an open window.
14:07Was that Emmett?
14:08He must have forgotten something in the house.
14:11No, dear.
14:14I'm afraid it's me.
14:20I'd rather think I send his senses, really.
14:24Dear Emmett.
14:25I'm coming, Richard.
14:33Has she gone?
14:34Yes, it's all clear. You can come out now.
14:37But she did see you.
14:39I couldn't get in.
14:40I noticed that.
14:43She thinks you're half in love with her.
14:47Why are we going this way?
14:49Hmm?
14:50If we want to walk, why don't we go into the park or something?
14:53Oh, Richard, everybody walks in the park.
14:56Peculiar people walk in the park.
14:58No, it's nice down here.
15:01We'll go this way.
15:03I always believe one should go one's own way.
15:06I notice we never go my way.
15:08Hmm?
15:10Well, have you decided what you want to be?
15:13When I grow up, you mean?
15:15What you don't say, dear.
15:17I mean your fancy dress.
15:19Oh!
15:20Well, it usually depends on what you want to be, and then I find something that goes with it.
15:24Oh, Richard, you make it sound as if I pressure you into things.
15:30I think I might go as Marie Antoinette.
15:33I'm not doing Louis XIV. I'm not wearing silk trousers.
15:37Oh, Richard, you can wear your plus fours underneath.
15:42Oh, I like number ten.
15:44Well, why that one? It looks just like the others.
15:46No, it doesn't, dear.
15:48It has an indefinable something about it.
15:52Hi, Cynthia. If you are going as Marie Antoinette...
15:55Well, I am. I have my heart set on Marie Antoinette.
15:58Maybe I could go as the executioner.
16:03Oh, that's a good idea.
16:04Well, it has a certain appeal. I agree.
16:08Let's turn around and walk back.
16:11Why?
16:12Humour me, Richard.
16:14Well, Hyacinth, tell me now, who is at number ten?
16:17Shhh.
16:19I believe it's the Donna Hughes.
16:21You remember, I told you.
16:23She was a Proctor's Pickles.
16:26I thought if we bumped into them, it would be nice to welcome them to the area.
16:30Well, I'm not passing number ten all afternoon.
16:33Richard, I wouldn't dream of doing anything so silly.
16:35Good.
16:37Just a couple more times and then we'll follow together.
16:53What's wrong?
16:55Nothing.
16:59What are you looking at me for?
17:03I like looking at you.
17:07I like sitting here and thinking,
17:09It's all mine!
17:11It's all mine!
17:14How many of those have you had?
17:17It's my first.
17:19I don't have any more.
17:26What are you smiling for?
17:28I was just thinking,
17:29When our Rose gets married,
17:32And she leaves.
17:34It'll just be the two of us.
17:37Daisy, I am not just a plaything.
17:42We'll have to take in a lodger.
17:48There now!
17:49I'm sure the walk did us good.
17:52Twenty-three times past number ten.
17:56Well, that wasn't a walk.
17:58It was sentry duty.
18:00I liked number ten.
18:02I was merely admiring their garden.
18:06I don't see why.
18:07It's just a garden.
18:08Of course it's not just a garden.
18:12If you were once a Proctor's pickle,
18:13You don't have just a garden.
18:15Oh, I don't need a cup of tea.
18:17Oh, what a good idea.
18:20Don't take your shoes off, Richard.
18:21You have to go into town.
18:23What on earth for?
18:25To order our costumes for the fancy dress ball.
18:29And do insist,
18:31I want to be Marie Antoinette.
18:33They have my measurements on file.
18:37And do be careful what you choose for yourself.
18:40I don't want you in tights, Richard.
18:44I get very embarrassed in front of the neighbours when you're in tights.
18:48When have I ever been in tights?
18:50The year you were Robin Hood.
18:53I was Friar Tuck.
18:55You were Robin Hood.
18:57Are you sure?
18:59Don't you remember?
19:00Sheridan became ill because he couldn't be made Marian.
19:03Oh, yes, I do remember.
19:07Poor Sheridan.
19:08He broke out in spots.
19:11Only in the nicest places, of course.
19:14Ah, let's call you lunch.
19:25Oi, Kate, come here.
19:28Um...
19:29Pop this in that letter box for me, will ya?
19:33How much?
19:35You're gonna grow up to be a monster, aren't ya?
19:3850p.
19:40For Mrs Bucket, forget it.
19:42Oi, come here.
19:45Pound.
19:46Let's see your money.
19:51Here.
19:58You'll be sorry.
20:07Smart kid.
20:11The bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
20:16Sheridan!
20:18Oh, how psychic of you to ring Mummy.
20:22Daddy and I were talking about your spots only yesterday.
20:26A whole more money this month.
20:29And Mummy's been thinking about you again this morning.
20:33I was clearing out a drawer, and I found your first little sewing kit.
20:39It brought a tear to Mummy's eye.
20:42It brought a tear to mine.
20:44I sat on the damn thing.
20:47Now, you're lucky to have caught us, dear.
20:50We'll soon be off for our walk.
20:52Yes, we go every day now.
20:56Hmm.
20:58Mummy's on nodding terms with a Proctor's pickle.
21:01Yes, a Mrs Donoghue.
21:04Her father's very big in condiment circles.
21:07Absolutely nothing over ten pounds.
21:13I'm sorry, dear.
21:14There's an interference on the line.
21:18Now, I'm afraid you've caught Mummy when she's very disappointed.
21:23It's the mayor's fancy dress ball this evening,
21:26and I wanted to go as Marie Antoinette,
21:29but Daddy couldn't get the costume.
21:31Well, I had to take what they've got left.
21:35I'm sorry, dear.
21:36There's another gremlin on the line.
21:41What are you doing, Liz?
21:42I thought you were supposed to be in the garden.
21:44No, not yet.
21:45I want to see Hyacinth in costume.
21:48What are they going as?
21:49She won't say.
21:51It's not Marie Antoinette.
21:53I've gathered that much.
21:54Ha!
21:56All she needs is a Croft's first prize rosette,
21:59and she could go as Supreme Lady Champion.
22:02And you know what they call those?
22:05Oh, damn it!
22:07Quick, quick, they're getting in the car!
22:12Good heavens!
22:13Oh, I wouldn't have missed that for the world!
22:18I feel rather uncomfortable in this costume, Richard.
22:21You told me to take what they had.
22:23It was these or nothing.
22:25What are you doing, dear?
22:27I'm not doing anything.
22:28It's doing it all by itself.
22:30Richard, how can you break down on me like this?
22:43Hello, Rose.
22:45I'm afraid you've just missed Hyacinth.
22:47They're left for the town hall.
22:48You'll catch them if you hurry.
22:50Believe me, it's worth the effort.
22:53I did want her to meet my friend.
22:55Mr...
22:58What's it?
23:16It's his bucket!
23:23It's...
23:24It's okay, Mrs. Donoghue.
23:28I don't believe you've met my husband.
23:32Richard.
23:34Come and meet Mrs. Donoghue.
23:44How do you do?
23:46Well...
23:48I really can't stay out here all evening.
23:50I can hear my telephone.
23:52I'll call you, Mrs. Donoghue.
23:54I do hope you'll grace one of my candlelight suppers.
24:14Is Queen Bodicea having trouble with her chariot?
24:17Why do I put a jacket on, honestly?
24:20You'll be observed by a proctor's pickle.
24:23Well done!
24:30Well done!
24:47One, two, three.
24:49Two...
24:56Oh, thanks for the lift on, sir. I'm sorry you can't stop.
25:04You've hardly said a word to Mr. What's It.
25:07She said a word to me?
25:09I don't think it was ancient Britain.
25:13Your worship.
25:20Oh, your worship, I was hoping to speak with you about a little function I shall be holding.
25:26Just a few friends of the right socio-economic balance.
25:35Oh, no.
25:54Oh, Richard, I will not share my throne with those imposters.
26:00Oh, Richard, I will not share my throne with those imposters.