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00:05Good morning, dear.
00:09I said, good morning, dear.
00:16Time to wake up on this our special day.
00:25I know what you're doing.
00:27You're pretending to have forgotten.
00:31But I know you'd better than that, isn't it, OK?
00:36You have something in mind.
00:38You're going to surprise me.
00:46Are you up? What time is it?
00:51Are you smiling at me?
00:55Of course I'm smiling at you.
00:58Why are you smiling at me?
01:01I shall go and make some tea.
01:06A very good morning to you.
01:12What have I done?
01:15I wonder what he's bought me.
01:20He's so thoughtful, bless his heart.
01:23A little bossy now and again, but so thoughtful.
01:30I wonder what the surprise is.
01:35Perhaps it's coming by post.
01:38We'll see what the postman brings.
01:42When I'm calling you!
01:52Wake up!
01:54There's a man in our bedroom.
01:57I remember a time when I could say that with more confidence.
02:03What's wrong?
02:04There's a man in our bedroom.
02:07I think he's asleep.
02:08He's having a better time than I am.
02:12I'm not seeing things.
02:14Look!
02:14Near the wall!
02:16Oh.
02:21It's your father.
02:26Why is he just sitting there?
02:28There's probably some very reasonable explanation.
02:31Such as what?
02:33He's dead.
02:35He's not dead.
02:39He looks dead.
02:41He looks dead.
02:43Go and wake him up.
02:45Oh, days.
02:45That's one hell of an assignment to this time of the morning.
02:50Especially if he is dead.
02:54Was that the post?
02:55I don't think so.
03:00He would be late this morning.
03:03Oh, well, it all adds to the excitement.
03:07Ah, there you are, dear.
03:09Ready for breakfast?
03:10Well, just the usual.
03:12No, no, no.
03:14Not the usual.
03:15Something special.
03:17Now, what would you really like this morning for breakfast?
03:21You just sit there and think about it and tell me.
03:28Do I hear full English breakfast?
03:31Oh, it's been a long time since you cooked me a pudding.
03:33One full English breakfast coming up.
03:36Oh, first I must just catch the postman.
03:39Enjoy your orange juice, dear.
03:41All that lovely vitamin C.
03:45She's in a really good mood.
03:49I don't like this at all.
04:01Back in a moment.
04:22Oh, there you are.
04:24Stone in my shoe.
04:35Don't you just hate it when you get a stone in your shoe?
04:39I'm waiting for my mail.
04:40Have you anything for me?
04:42Yes.
04:43I knew it.
04:45He's pretending he's forgotten and all the time I...
04:49Is this all?
04:50That's it.
04:52Well, there must be some mistake.
04:53I'm expecting a package from my husband.
04:56Sorry, no more for Bucket.
04:59Are you sure?
05:02This is most inconvenient.
05:05My husband's anniversary gift is lurking somewhere in your sorting houses.
05:10You can tell the postmaster general...
05:12I don't see him that often.
05:14Did you hear more about this?
05:16You have a nap.
05:18You'll be quite safe down here.
05:20It was terrible.
05:24You'll be all right now.
05:26Onslow's here.
05:27Here, you'll notice.
05:29Well, I should be in bed.
05:30Your father should be in bed.
05:32I'm not going back up there.
05:33Never.
05:34Ever.
05:35It was horrible.
05:36Now, you just go to sleep.
05:40Oh!
05:42What's that with father?
05:44He says his bedroom's haunted.
05:46He's seen something.
05:48We have got a ghost.
05:49Let's hope it's handy round the house.
05:53What kind of ghost is it?
05:55It's this figure of a woman.
05:58Wouldn't you know?
05:59That's all we need round here, another woman.
06:03You're not still on about Mr. What's It, are you?
06:06Oh, well.
06:07Changing his mind like that.
06:09Going back to some redhead in Poland.
06:13Oh, well.
06:14Men.
06:15Who needs them?
06:17We girls do.
06:22You mustn't be so bitter, Rose.
06:25Men have just as much right to change their minds as us ladies.
06:30Well, I couldn't pronounce him anyway.
06:32What about me?
06:34What?
06:36Sorry, Daddy.
06:37I'm not going back up there.
06:39It was ghastly.
06:41It's all right.
06:43Well, get Harrison's vicar.
06:45Oh, yes!
06:46Let's get the vicar.
06:48Yes!
06:48Oh, but not before I've got me make-up on.
06:51Oh, yes!
06:52Oh, yes!
06:55No, I want the senior postal official.
06:59Hmm?
07:00Well, if he's the area manager, I suppose he'll have to do.
07:04Though I should have preferred something on a national scale.
07:08Who are you calling?
07:09A very negligent post office.
07:12They've let you down.
07:14Let me down?
07:16And a very good morning to you, too.
07:19Though it's not been a good morning for me.
07:21Look, you have some serious failures in your department.
07:26The surprise from my husband hasn't arrived.
07:32Look, for our wedding anniversary, he never forgets our wedding anniversary.
07:41No, of course it was coming by post.
07:48Yes.
07:49You've let him down.
07:52I don't know what size package.
07:54It's a surprise.
07:55All I know is it hasn't arrived.
07:59Yes, I'll give you my name and address.
08:00It's B-U-C-K-E-T.
08:04No, it is B-U-C-K-E-T.
08:07And my address?
08:09Hyacinth, I can explain.
08:11Over breakfast.
08:12Oh!
08:14Now, I'm going to cook you a full English breakfast.
08:19Oh!
08:19I'll just put the kettle on.
08:21No, leave all that.
08:22It really is a big surprise, isn't it?
08:27Yes, I think that it will be.
08:33Do you know they've had another burglary at number 23?
08:36They've taken the video again.
08:38Don't thieves lack imagination.
08:42That's twice in three months.
08:44Hmm.
08:46Hyacinth will be livid.
08:48Oh, she can't bear anyone getting more attention than her.
08:55What are you doing?
08:56I'm going to call Hyacinth and tell her.
09:00Oh, that's wicked!
09:01Just a caring act, Liz.
09:04I mean, what's her neighbours for?
09:06She'll hate it.
09:08I know she'll just hate it.
09:10Yes!
09:13Now, come along.
09:15Don't keep me in suspense any longer.
09:18Where's my surprise?
09:20Is it something I've always wanted?
09:23Not really.
09:25Oh, a complete surprise.
09:28Richard, how clever of you.
09:36To tell you the truth, Hyacinth...
09:39Oh, excuse me, dear.
09:40That's bound to be someone important.
09:44Hey, resident, it's the lady of the house speaking.
09:49Hyacinth, for once, in all these years,
09:53I've forgotten our wedding anniversary.
09:56I'm terribly sorry.
09:58I'll make it up to you somehow.
10:02Hyacinth, for once, in all these years...
10:05That was Emmett!
10:06Number 23's been burgled again!
10:08That's twice in three months.
10:11How pretentious!
10:13What were you saying, dear?
10:16The surprise for our wedding anniversary.
10:20Because of all these burglaries,
10:24I've decided to have security installed for you.
10:29Oh, Richard!
10:31What a wonderful idea!
10:36Oh, oh!
10:41Our own custom-made superior security installation
11:13for better-class premises.
11:14Send someone round to inspect the place.
11:17No, I realise it's short notice, but...
11:19Excuse me, sir, but...
11:21Are you married, by any chance?
11:24Well, have you ever forgotten your wedding anniversary?
11:27But then you'll understand my urgency.
11:33You are a gentleman, sir.
11:36Oh, and one more thing.
11:38Can your representative pretend that I...
11:39That I ordered it a week ago?
11:42Good man.
11:43Well, thank you very much.
11:51I want you to be the first to know, Elizabeth.
11:56I'm going to be alarmed.
12:00Oh, you needn't be alarmed.
12:02Hi, since I haven't touched it yet.
12:05No, dear.
12:08Richard is going to alarm me for our wedding anniversary.
12:13Yes, thank you.
12:14Oh, thank you.
12:16Well, you have to admire his spirit after all these years.
12:20It's his surprise for me.
12:22To alarm you for your wedding anniversary?
12:25Yes.
12:26He's getting a firm of specialists in to do it.
12:33And I thought he'd forgotten.
12:35For one terrible moment, I thought he'd forgotten.
12:44Hello, boy.
12:53Oh, hello, Victor.
12:55Good morning.
12:58Oh, a burglar alarm.
13:00Yes, of course, dear.
13:03Ah, well, you had me wondering there for a moment.
13:06I think it's sweet of Richard to want to secure me against intruders.
13:11Is it because of the burglary at number 23?
13:14Oh, no, dear.
13:15He ordered it some time ago.
13:17I believe that he feels, as I do,
13:19that someone has to set the tone for the neighbourhood.
13:22Will it be a very loud tone, Hyacinth?
13:26Oh, yes, dear, of course.
13:28But in the best possible taste.
13:30You know, people must have been wondering
13:32why I haven't been alarmed before.
13:35After all, there is extensive interest in my royal doolton
13:38with the hand-painted periwinkles.
13:42Yes, I can assure you that the whole neighbourhood knows about it.
13:45There you are, you see.
13:46Biscuit?
13:47No, thank you.
13:50And then the Sheridan's pearl-button collection.
13:53No, I'm afraid you're nobody these days without a burglar alarm.
14:06I'll never sleep in that room again.
14:11Of course you will, Father.
14:13Just as soon as the vicar's wrestled with it spiritually.
14:17I don't know that I'm terribly good with apparitions.
14:20I don't even like to be too close to the coffin at funerals.
14:23Oh, just give it a whack, vicar.
14:25Do your best.
14:26Oh, I'm sure he will.
14:28Otherwise, we're stuck with him in our bedroom.
14:31But there's all that much happening in our bedroom.
14:35There can be such lonely places, bedrooms.
14:38Who's there grinning at me?
14:40I woke up, opened my eyes, and there it was.
14:45I think that perhaps what I ought to do is seek specialist help.
14:49The church has people that specialise in this.
14:51Oh, you can do it, vicar.
14:53We've all got faith in you.
14:55Put him down, Rose.
14:57He's got work to do.
14:59We'll be right behind you, vicar.
15:01You can rely on that.
15:02Go on up, vicar.
15:08We've never been haunted before.
15:10Up to now, the only persistent unwelcome visitor has been the rent man.
15:15And you're all right, sinf.
15:19That's the one, vicar, there.
15:21I think I could probably do this from outside the door.
15:24Oh, no, you go in, vicar.
15:25Just make yourself at home.
15:27I could go in with him if he likes.
15:28It's something he has to do on his own.
15:30Oh, I don't mind Rose with me if she wishes.
15:32She'll only get under your feet.
15:39Be gone.
15:40I command you.
15:48I want to go in anyway.
15:51No need to make a fuss.
15:53It was he who invited me last night at over-sixties.
16:14Bucket.
16:16I can't do it.
16:23It's a drink.
16:25What?
16:27Bouquet.
16:29Oh, right.
16:31Sorry.
16:32Try again.
16:44Mrs Bouquet?
16:47Time for an X-L alarms.
16:49Do come in, after you've removed your shoes.
16:55Under no circumstances do I allow alien shoes
16:58on my herringbone woodblock or my grade-one axminster.
17:02It's a house rule.
17:04Of course.
17:09She is.
17:11She's getting the poor devil to remove his shoes.
17:13Look!
17:16She's being fair.
17:18She's letting him sit on the doorstep.
17:20How thoughtful of her.
17:22She knows her manners.
17:24I mean, he could be hopping about on one leg.
17:27I think it's a triumph for Richard.
17:29You know why all this has happened, don't you?
17:31I mean, you know why they're getting the security system?
17:34Because Richard forgot their wedding anniversary.
17:37He only came up with the scheme at the last second.
17:39And she doesn't know he forgot?
17:41No.
17:42And he's got away with it.
17:44Well, good for Richard.
17:46Yes.
17:47Oh, I've never seen the poor chap look so relieved.
17:51I bet.
17:57I shall need extra security for my lounge.
18:00It houses my royal doulton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
18:05Every room will be secure, madam.
18:07Good.
18:09Pass.
18:14What colour choices do you offer for the box?
18:17The box?
18:18The thing that goes on the wall.
18:20The thing that people can see outside.
18:22Oh, you mean the alarm itself?
18:24Yes.
18:25It's blue.
18:26I don't like blue.
18:28What else do you have?
18:30I'm afraid that's what we use, madam.
18:33It's blue.
18:39Look.
18:42You'll have to alter that.
18:43What?
18:44I have my mind set on a dusky pink.
18:52There was a stately hall we visited once, and theirs was dusky pink.
19:03Yes, everybody else was looking at the Rembrandts.
19:05But I remember thinking then, yes, that's very nice.
19:09If I ever have an alarm, I'll want it to be dusky pink.
19:19What kind of noise do you make?
19:22Noise do I make?
19:25No worse than your average human being.
19:29No, I mean the alarm.
19:31What kind of noise does the alarm make?
19:34It's a siren, madam.
19:35A siren?
19:37I hope it's like the QE2s.
19:42We've sailed on her, you know.
19:48Thank you very much indeed, and I look forward to hearing from you.
19:52Yes.
19:53Don't forget your shoes.
19:55No.
19:59Sorry.
20:01Bye.
20:01Afternoon.
20:17What?
20:19What?
20:20Was that a noise?
20:20Well, the only noise I can hear is you saying, was that a noise?
20:25Please.
20:26We do have to be careful, Richard.
20:28Why?
20:29It's our last night without an alarm.
20:33Do you want me to go and have a look around?
20:36Yes, dear.
20:37No.
20:37What?
20:38With particular reference to my capo de monte and my royal duton with the hand-painted
20:42periwinkles.
20:44I hate it if we're burgled tonight, our last alarmless night.
20:49Especially by the lower-class type of burglar who goes to number 23.
20:5423.
20:54Anyone who goes to number 23 twice has to be lacking in taste.
21:00I cannot bear the thought that Sheridan's pearl button collection might go to people of
21:04that calibre.
21:07It's fine.
21:08There's no one about.
21:10Good.
21:17Was that a noise?
21:20Yes, it was me stabbing my toe in the dark.
21:23Oh.
21:24Oh, well, that's all right, then.
21:26Oh.
21:43Dusky pink.
21:44A QE2 siren.
21:47You don't happen to have the telephone number of the stately home that also has the dusky
21:51pink alarm, do you?
21:52I thought I might just give them a call since we've both chosen to be alarmed in the same
21:57way.
21:59No, I'm afraid we haven't, madam.
22:01Never mind.
22:02I'll try directory inquiries.
22:04Well, thank you for your work and for not damaging my walls.
22:10Too badly.
22:21Oh, Richard, our own alarm system.
22:26What a wonderful anniversary present.
22:30Which four-number code have you chosen to stop and start the system?
22:35A romantic one.
22:38A romantic number?
22:40A romantic number that we shall never forget.
22:46As you were kind enough to buy it for our anniversary, I thought I'd choose a number we'll always
22:51remember.
22:52The date of our wedding.
22:55The day, the month, and the last two digits of the year.
23:00Now, isn't that romantic?
23:03Well, it's certainly memorable.
23:07Do you think we should hold an alarm-warming party?
23:12Is that usual?
23:13Oh, I don't think so.
23:15Oh, I thought I'd invite those people from the stately home.
23:23Oh, well, perhaps another time.
23:29I know what I could do.
23:32I could telephone number 23 and tell them that if they're being burgled again, they can
23:38phone us and we'll sound our alarm.
23:56Ready?
23:57Yeah.
23:57Off you go, you two.
23:59Enjoy your evening.
24:00Are you sure you don't mind me popping out for a drink?
24:03Good heavens, no.
24:04Why should I?
24:06I'm perfectly safe here now I'm alarmed.
24:10No, off you go.
24:12I've plenty to do.
24:13Drawing up my guest list for my security and alarm-warming candlelight supper.
24:27Bye!
24:37You will tread carefully as you pass my house, won't you?
24:40I've recently installed a very sensitive and expensive alarm system.
24:45I'd hate you to be startled if it should go off.
24:48Us.
24:50Us.
24:57Yes, that's the way.
24:58Please tell your friends.
25:03And you got away with it.
25:05She still doesn't know you forgot the wedding anniversary.
25:07Shhh.
25:09It's a triumph against all odds.
25:11I never thought I'd make it.
25:13Well done, Richard.
25:16I think this deserves another round.
25:22Thanks very much, Emmett.
25:32What's that?
25:35What's that?
25:41Ah, a nine, two...
25:46Oh, my God.
25:47What was the year?
25:49What year did we get married?
25:51I've only got seconds to think.
25:53Oh, she'll kill me!
25:54She will kill me!
25:56I...
25:57It was 62.
25:58It was 62.
26:02Oh, my God.
26:04That was close.
26:06Oh, that was close.
26:08But I don't have to die.
26:11No!
26:11Oh, my God.
26:12It was 62!
26:17Tony!
26:18It's just okay!
26:19You've forgotten the date of our wedding!
26:23Oh!
26:24No!
26:26Oh!
26:26Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
26:26Oh. Oh!