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00:01What's the matter with you, Boycey? You don't seem your old self tonight. You ain't cheated once.
00:05No, sorry, Trigon. Just a bit down, that's all.
00:09I mean, you don't know what it's like to have a wife who can't have children.
00:13I've tried to console her. I've said, Marlene, God didn't mean you to have kids, so shut up about it.
00:21Doesn't seem to help.
00:22I'd like to be someone's dad.
00:25We're down for another going over at the bloody hospital next week.
00:27I mean, embarrassing ain't the word.
00:30I'm sure they do half those tests just for a giggle.
00:33I mean, she's the one with the problem. Why have I got to go?
00:37I never knew who my dad was.
00:39I heard your mum weren't that sure.
00:42You're out of order, mate. She knew who my dad was. Roughly.
00:47Now, come off it, Trigger, I see your birth certificate at school.
00:51What did your mum put down under father's name?
00:54Long time ago, wasn't it?
00:56What did she put down under father's name?
01:01Some soldiers.
01:05Well, maybe that's where I'll get my military bearing from.
01:08Oh, yeah. Well, go on. Do a counterattack, then.
01:13Where's the boy tonight, then?
01:14Going to the zoo.
01:15He's gone to... Don't ask.
01:17All right, then. Come off now, Mickey.
01:19Yeah, I'll see you later, Amanda. Here, doll. You took yourself a chimney, yeah?
01:23Oh, cheers, Mick. I'll give you a bell in the week.
01:26She seems like a nice girl, Mickey.
01:28You know how it is, Mike. Every so often, a person fancies a bit of a...
01:32And she picked you.
01:35That's a joke, isn't it? I remember you said something funny a couple of years ago.
01:38All right, Mick?
01:40All right, Rodney. What are you having?
01:41Oh, half an hour.
01:42Yeah, Mike, make that a big pipe.
01:45Oi, oi. What have you been up to, then?
01:47I'm working for Boisey, innit? Delivering and picking up.
01:49He's in a video game in a big way.
01:51Pirates, naughties, all that.
01:53And it's cash in hand, no questions.
01:55Sweet as a nut.
01:56Well, you been out on a knocker?
01:58Well, I've just come back from your evening class, haven't I?
02:00Oi, you know, I told you we'd applied for an arts council, Grant.
02:03We got it.
02:04Trevor?
02:05Yeah, straight up.
02:06Mr. Stevens, right, he's the head of our art group.
02:08He got confirmation this morning.
02:10We have got £10,000 to make a local community bill.
02:14And we've got all the equipment, everything.
02:16And guess who's in charge of the project?
02:18You're putting me on?
02:19No, straight up. It's me.
02:20What I've got to do, you see, I've got to come up with the idea
02:22and then delegate the various responsibilities to all the other students.
02:26Yeah, well, put me in, won't you?
02:27I'm a member of your art class, innit?
02:28Oh, come on, Mickie. I only came one night.
02:31That's only because I told you we had a nude model.
02:33Yeah, well, I thought it would be a bird, anyway.
02:38You've got to write it, Rodney.
02:40Yeah?
02:41Well, you're a natural when it comes to the written word.
02:43I'll never forget that thing you wrote some years back.
02:45What was it called?
02:46Oh, the indictment.
02:47Ah, see, the indictment.
02:48Yeah, that would have made a terrific book, you know?
02:50Yeah.
02:50Why didn't you send it to a publisher?
02:52Well, I'll be perfectly honest with you, Mickie.
02:54I could not think of a single publisher who could understand what I was saying.
02:58You know, it was a bit strange, weren't it?
03:00All right, Rodgers?
03:01Yeah.
03:01Hello, Delph, what you having?
03:02What am I having?
03:03Pleading hard time with this little Mona here.
03:05I shouldn't be up in bales of hay or out at my time of life.
03:08Bales of hay?
03:09You see, Abdul's cousin's girlfriend's brother's mate's mate,
03:13right, he's a gamekeeper down at one of them private zoots.
03:15And Monkey Harris's sister's husband's first wife's stepfather,
03:18right, he works for an animal food company,
03:20so put the two together, what have you got?
03:21Nice little learner.
03:22I don't want to worry you, but I think you've got something nesting in there, I'll say.
03:27Up your shirt.
03:28Oi, Rodney.
03:29Hang on.
03:30I'll see you in a minute.
03:31What?
03:31While you've been poncing around at your soppy art class, I've had to unload two tons of hay.
03:36Oh, poncing around, is that what you're calling?
03:38Well, for your information, this evening I was commissioned to make a film.
03:45Leave it out.
03:46Dave, I wouldn't leave you to make a jelly.
03:49I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wrist one.
03:53It's true.
03:54I love it, boys.
03:55It's true, I'm telling you, I've got all the equipment and everything.
03:58I'm writing it, and Mickey Pearce is directing.
04:01You what? Mickey Pearce directing? He couldn't direct a seagull to the coast, then?
04:05He has got experience in films.
04:07Well, there's a Saturday morning job on a photographic counter at Boots.
04:10Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
04:11Anyway, you couldn't write a film script.
04:13I mean, what was that book that you wrote?
04:15What was it called?
04:15The Indictment.
04:16I mean, that never got published, did it, eh?
04:18No, because you chucked it down a bloody shoe.
04:20Yes, that's right, because I didn't want to see you disappointed.
04:22I mean, it was a bloody stupid story, it was.
04:25No murders in it or nothing, I know.
04:27It was an indictment of a failing system, wasn't it?
04:30Well, right, it was a first effort, so it probably didn't have the same social impact as, say,
04:34Cathy come home.
04:35It didn't have the same social impact as Lassie come home.
04:38Yeah, I still knew anything, Rodney. Anyone in it, we know.
04:41Yeah, I'll tell you what.
04:42All them birds are in it for a start, look.
04:45That's a true move on your part, Rodney.
04:47You're the writer, Mickey's the director, so he gets the casting couch and you get the biro.
05:13Where are you up there? Here you are, Oscar. Here you are, quick.
05:16I've got a present for you. There you are.
05:19What is it?
05:20Go on, here. Close your eyes.
05:21Oh, come on, Joe. What is it?
05:23Oh, come on, close your eyes.
05:25Let Tom Stoppard don't have to put up with all this.
05:28Right, go on then. Open them.
05:31There. Well?
05:34Um, well, yeah, it's a typewriter, isn't it?
05:37You see that, Albert? He recognised it straight away.
05:40That's the author in him.
05:42Yeah, well, come on, Rodney. Come on, let's get going, boy.
05:44You'll soon have that old screenplay knocked out now, won't you, my son?
05:48Go on, there.
05:49It's old, isn't it?
05:50The main stuff to last in them days.
05:53That is quality, Rodney.
05:55Look at that crisp by royal appointment.
05:58Oh, yeah.
05:59Victoria Regina.
06:02Well, go on.
06:03What?
06:03You know, try.
06:09It's very faint, dear, isn't it?
06:11Yeah, I know.
06:11You've got to hit it harder than that, Rodney.
06:13Go on, have another go.
06:16It's still faint.
06:17Yeah, well, you've got to give it a good whack, haven't you?
06:19Come here, look.
06:19I'll show you, look.
06:22There you are.
06:22There you are.
06:22Look there, that's better, isn't it?
06:24Yeah, that's great.
06:25Thanks a lot.
06:26Right, that's all right.
06:26Away you go, then.
06:28Away I go what?
06:28Well, you know, you know, start the whole typing.
06:30Yeah, be creative.
06:32Be...
06:32I can't just be creative at the drop of an air, can I?
06:36There are some things a writer needs before he can actually start writing.
06:40Like a story.
06:42You haven't even got a story?
06:43Not exactly.
06:44I've only been trying for a couple of days, haven't I?
06:47Listen, I've got an idea for a story, and it's a bloody good one, I know.
06:50Do you want to hear it?
06:50No, not really, don't.
06:51That's charming, isn't it?
06:53You buy him a brand new typewriter, and come up with a story for him, and what thanks
06:57you get.
06:57I'll tell you what thanks I get, Albert.
07:00No sodding thanks.
07:01That's the thanks I get.
07:02All right, tell me your story, then.
07:04No, no, don't bother yourself, Rodney, please.
07:06I was only trying to help you.
07:07Come on, honestly, Del.
07:09Seriously, I'd like to hear your story.
07:11Well, I'll need a bit of help, don't I?
07:16Right.
07:17Okay.
07:18Now, this is a Jaws-type story.
07:20Jaws?
07:21Jaws has been done, aren't you?
07:22Yeah, no, no, no, it hasn't been done, but this is different.
07:24It's called There's a Rhino Loose in the City.
07:32There's a Rhino Loose in the City.
07:34There's a Rhino...
07:34Loose in the...
07:36As in rhinoceros.
07:37That's right.
07:39There's a Rhino Loose in the City.
07:41What's it about, Del?
07:45Well, it's about...
07:46You see, this rhinoceros, right, escapes from the zoo, and it heads straight for London.
07:50Right?
07:51And after two or three days, they find all these, like, dead bodies lying about, and no-one knows who's
07:55done it.
07:55Right?
07:55So they get ahold of this private detective, you know, sort of like a Charlton Heston-type geezer, to try
08:00and solve the crime.
08:01Now, the zookeeper happens to be, you know, a very attractive woman.
08:05So, before you know where you are, old Charlton has given the salt what for.
08:08So, that's your romantic interest.
08:11A rhinoceros.
08:14But they don't know it's missing.
08:16How can you not know?
08:19You know, if you've got a rhinoceros, right, and one day it ain't there, you tend to know it's missing.
08:24Don't be a plonker all your life, Rodney.
08:26Probably she ain't got one rhinoceros, she's probably, like, got, you know, two or three rhinoceros, this is.
08:30But how's an escape?
08:31Oh, it squeezes through the bars, my problem.
08:34Don't you start getting saucy with me, Rodney. I'm only trying to help you, huh?
08:37I can't believe it. Nobody knows it's escaped.
08:40What about the eight million people living in London? Don't none of them spot it?
08:43Yeah.
08:44Yeah, but the ones who spot it, they're the ones who gets trampled to death.
08:47And what about all the others?
08:49The people in offices, the people in cabs, the people sitting on tops of buses.
08:53It's a rhino, Dale.
08:55He only comes out at night.
08:59What is it, a vampire rhino?
09:02No, it's not a vampire rhino. That's stupid, that, isn't it, eh?
09:06Where's he lived during the day?
09:08Uh, in a lock-up garage in the back street.
09:11Well, he's leasing it, is he?
09:14It's not leasing it. It's a disused garage in a back street where no one ever goes.
09:18But the detective does find it, um, only it's at night.
09:21And the rhino's gone out?
09:22That's right.
09:24See, so the old detective is nowhere near solving the mystery.
09:27You see what it is, Rodney, not only is it a love story, it's a new dunnet.
09:30A new dunnet? What do you mean, a new dunnet?
09:33We know a new dunnet!
09:34A rhino dunnet!
09:36See, I know the wee-weeding audience, right, we know that, but they don't know the actors, do they?
09:40Well, this is something...
09:41A rhinoceros has escaped from the zoo.
09:44There are 300 dead bodies covered in rhinoceros footprints.
09:47There's a lock-up garage two and a half foot deep in rhinoceros crap.
09:51And Charlton Heston suspects them out loud.
09:59Well, I do admit they're one or two teething snags.
10:02But it's got all the essential qualities of a hit, hasn't it, eh?
10:05I mean, it's got suspense, lots of killings, and a bit of Humpty Dumpty.
10:09I mean, look, this is a disaster movie.
10:11Disaster? It's a calamity game.
10:14Why is he killing people?
10:15Well, what do you want it to be? A social worker?
10:18Well, he's a man-eater, isn't he?
10:20No. No. Rhinoceroses aren't carnivorous. They're vegetarian.
10:26Alright, alright. So we elbow the lock-up garage, and we make him hide in the back of a health
10:31food shop.
10:32And he wouldn't head for the city, neither.
10:35But he's got to head for the city so it can kill lots of people.
10:37Yeah, that's right.
10:38No. His natural habitat would be the open country.
10:44Alright, so what are you suggesting?
10:46We called a film, there's a rhino loo somewhere out in the sticks where no sod lives.
10:52You don't call the likes of Charlton Esten in cos something's eating the carrots.
10:56No. I think it's a good idea.
10:57Thank you very much, Albert.
10:58Yes, well, I'll pass.
11:00Alright.
11:01Alright, then.
11:02Just wanted to put an idea in your head, that was all.
11:05Wished it had been a bleeding bullet now.
11:07I've only got a small budget, haven't I?
11:09I know, that's the beauty of it, Rodney.
11:11I know where there's a rhinoceros going cheap.
11:15Yeah, alright, Chas.
11:17Yeah, I'll knock out that stuff for you tomorrow night.
11:18Yeah.
11:19Eh?
11:20Um, not sure whether we'll be wanting a rhino now.
11:23We won't.
11:24Alright.
11:24Listen, I'll give you a bell tomorrow night, Chas.
11:26Alright, turn on me.
11:30Oi, Tony, come on.
11:32Where's that grub?
11:32We've been waiting here half an hour.
11:34There's something I want to catch on the telly.
11:36The epilogue.
11:36Yeah.
11:38Yeah, so's Christmas.
11:39Oi, Arthur.
11:40Look, I told you that we want two chicken and rice and one Spanish omelette.
11:43Two chicken and rice, one Spanish omelette.
11:46Omelette.
11:46We can't even speak the lingo, can we?
11:48What's the matter with?
11:49Well, how are you getting on with your story, then?
11:51Well, I've got the kernel of an idea.
11:53You know, I'm just waiting for it to develop somewhat.
11:55It's what writers call a gestation period.
11:58And what do you call it?
11:59Yeah, stop it.
11:59I've got winded him up, you.
12:01And where's your director then, Rodney?
12:03He's equating himself with the video camera and all the equipment.
12:06Yeah, he's down the town hall filming a wedding.
12:10What do you mean he's down the town hall filming a wedding?
12:13Well, well, no.
12:13You see, what happened was, I went down the town hall and then round the churches, you
12:16know, taking notes of the bands.
12:18Then I contacted the brides and asked them if they would like their happiest day recorded
12:22on film for 50 quid a fro.
12:24I don't believe you're doing this to me.
12:26Look, Rodney, that Mickey Pierce, he's got to practice with that camera, hasn't he?
12:29You know, he's got to work out how to focus in and all that.
12:32You know, it's, why not earn while you learn?
12:34That's what I say.
12:35Anyway, Boycey nicks all them tapes from Boycey, doesn't he, eh?
12:38But, Dale, this is an opportunity for me and all you're doing is making money out of it.
12:41Look, it'll be alright because he's only got five or six weddings to do.
12:46Two or three christenings and he's finished.
12:48But, Dale, that camera is council property.
12:50Ah, so's the town hall.
12:52Yeah, see, there you go.
12:53You're just abusing the trash showing me, aren't you?
12:55Well, you shut up, you tart!
12:56Look, here, here is your share.
12:59I do not want it.
13:01Oh, well, please yourself.
13:03Goes back in the business.
13:04Just this once.
13:05Ah, don't do me no favours, Rodney, will you, eh?
13:08You've not got to know.
13:09We'll set you up for a good one.
13:11I keep telling you, Marlene, them doctors don't know everything.
13:13They're just a bunch of chancers, that's all.
13:15Oh, good afternoon.
13:16I phoned an order through earlier, Mr Boyce.
13:19Oh, yes.
13:21All them bloody tests I've had.
13:22And what about all the bloody tests?
13:23Oh, good afternoon, Derek.
13:25I didn't realise you and your family were dining out.
13:28Oh, yes.
13:28I like to treat them once in a while.
13:30Keeps the morale up, doesn't it?
13:31Hello, darling.
13:32How are you?
13:33Hey, is my little godson in there yet?
13:34No, he ain't.
13:36And he ain't likely to be with him around.
13:38Oh, Marlene.
13:39Oh, he ain't bloody nothing.
13:40All these years you've said it was my fault we couldn't have kids.
13:43They've just discovered there's nothing wrong with me.
13:45It's him.
13:47Ain't it leading fair, eh?
13:49Hey.
13:50What's the matter then, boycey?
13:51You ain't a nifter, are you?
13:53See what you've started now, Marlene?
13:55Even the doctors ain't allowed to discuss this outside the confines of the laboratory
13:58and you're holding a public debate in a Chinese takeaway.
14:02He's got what doctors call a low count.
14:05Don't worry about a calculator, do you, boyce?
14:09What's it mean?
14:10Nothing.
14:11It means he's been firing more blanks than a territorial.
14:17You happy now, Marlene?
14:20Mr Price.
14:20Go on, boss.
14:21Yes, ma'am.
14:24Yes, thank you very much.
14:27It's our anniversary next Friday.
14:29Oh, yeah?
14:30Twenty years.
14:31Oh, that's something to celebrate.
14:33Anyway, we've hired the pub and you're all invited.
14:35Oh, lovely.
14:36We'll be there, sweetheart.
14:37Yes, well, come along then, Marlene.
14:39Yeah, all right.
14:41Oh, wasn't he?
14:42Is that right?
14:43You're making a film?
14:44Yeah.
14:45You know, I used to act a bit when I was younger.
14:48Actually, someone once said that I had a promising career in films.
14:52Yeah, then talkies come along and ruined it.
14:54Let's go, Marlene.
14:56It's all right, Marlene.
14:57Bye-bye, boyces.
15:03Here.
15:04What about that, then?
15:05I was Boise being a Jaffa.
15:07A Jaffa?
15:08Yeah, you know, seedless.
15:13I could use Boise's problem as a theme for my film, couldn't I?
15:17No, cos that hospital they attend, right, that's one of the leading centres for genetic research.
15:22Artificial insemination and all that.
15:23That's quite interesting.
15:24Oh, yeah.
15:25On the edge of your seat stuff there, ain't it, eh?
15:27Hey, you thought any more about the rhino story?
15:29Bill, I'm not doing a film about a blood-sucking rhino and a divvy detective.
15:33No, that was quite interesting, mate, though.
15:36I don't reckon they should be allowed to do it, freezing things and all that.
15:39They're messing around with nature.
15:40No, they're not messing around with nature, are they?
15:42They're assisting nature.
15:44See, cos they only freeze the ovah or eggs, right, until they are ready to be fertilised, right?
15:49And then they get the egg and, well, they sort of, they mix it.
15:54Well, there's this geese.
15:55Oh, I've all learned on it, yeah?
15:56Oh, yeah.
15:58Do you know why I reckon in a few years' time, a young married couple wanted to start a family,
16:02they won't go to the doctors, nip down the road to bee jams.
16:18Everything all right, Rodney?
16:19No.
16:20The T and E A are missing.
16:22Oh, what's that?
16:22No problem, is it?
16:23Well, it is if I want to write words like act.
16:26Yeah, well, you'll find a way round it.
16:27I've got faith in you, I really have.
16:29Anyway, how are you coming on?
16:30Can I have a read of something?
16:31No, you can't.
16:32It ain't finished yet.
16:33Oh, all right.
16:33Hey, what's this?
16:34Just a minute.
16:34Look, what's this red mark up here on the top?
16:36Is that something technical, is it?
16:38No, one of my fingers started bleeding.
16:40Oh, never mind, never mind.
16:41You'll be all right.
16:41Hey, I'll tell you what, your movie and I've caused a stir around here.
16:45Yeah, you'll be surprised how many actors and actresses live locally.
16:48I don't mean you're not like professionals, but just a lot of new, fresh, untapped talent.
16:52There, look, I've made a list for you.
16:53There you are.
16:58I'm not suggesting I use all these people in my film.
17:01Just extras, Rodney, just extras.
17:03Never mind the quantity, think about the quality.
17:05I'm thinking about the money, Dale.
17:06Well, I did say a tenner a day.
17:08I can't afford to pay them a tenner a day.
17:10No, they pay us a tenner a day.
17:12You're just exploiting people again, isn't you?
17:14No, I am not, Rodney.
17:16Look, look, I've given them your word now.
17:18Well, you had no right to.
17:20All right, here is your share.
17:22All right, there you go, look.
17:25And they're just extras.
17:26Just extras, that's all.
17:28Oh, by the way, there's a list here of local businesses you might like to mention, all right?
17:34Good boy.
17:37The Seventh Heaven Sauna Parlour.
17:39Yeah, we just mentioned something like the relaxing atmosphere, nice and friendly service.
17:43You know what I mean?
17:44Oh, is The Undertaker's down there?
17:47No.
17:48Oh, well, bear it in mind, will you?
17:49Bill, why are you doing this to me?
17:51I had high hopes when I started this project.
17:54Mr. Stephen said if it was good enough, he charted a national film fair.
17:58What's the matter with you? You're earning, ain't you?
18:00Look, you...
18:01Right, I mean, listen, I've got a shoot.
18:02I've got another client to meet.
18:04Might mean another booking.
18:05Here, talking about that.
18:07What is a natural birth?
18:09Never mind.
18:10I'll find out myself.
18:12Don't worry about that.
18:12Hey!
18:13Oi, Albert!
18:14You want a lift?
18:14Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute, son.
18:16Well, come on.
18:17Go on, shift yourself.
18:18I ain't got all night, you know.
18:19Ta-da, I'll see you later.
18:21Smile!
18:22You're on Candy Camera.
18:23Listen, I might have another booking for you later on.
18:25I'll give you a bell.
18:26All right.
18:27All right, Rodney?
18:28No, it is not all right.
18:29This is getting out of hand.
18:30Look.
18:32What is it?
18:32A petition?
18:33No, that's our cast list.
18:35And here's a list of all the shops and businesses we've got to advertise.
18:39I think we've got The Undertakers.
18:40You mean you know about it?
18:42Well, it's good business, Rodney.
18:44Right.
18:44I'm all fat now, Rodney.
18:46Yeah.
18:47I'll get it.
18:47Yeah, good.
18:48Look, it's got to stop, Mickey.
18:49We're just promoting shops and businesses, ain't we?
18:52We've got more extras than Ben Hur here.
18:54Watch it, babe!
18:57It's Commander.
18:59It's a what?
19:01It's a what?
19:01I mean, look, I'm taking her out for a drink tonight, so I asked her round here
19:04so you could make her a nice cup of coffee.
19:06All right, Rodney?
19:07Oh.
19:08Yeah.
19:09Yeah, okay.
19:18Do you take sugar?
19:19Two, please.
19:24Mickey, could I have a moment of your turn, please?
19:26What's up?
19:27Why is she wearing a nurse's uniform?
19:30She's just come off duty.
19:31Oh, yeah.
19:32You must think I've just come off a banana boat.
19:33What are you playing at?
19:35Look, I've been delivering these films for Boycey and I, so I know where I can sell them.
19:39We've got all the equipment.
19:40Why waste it?
19:41We can cut the middle man out.
19:43I'd like to cut your liver out.
19:45You are not making any films in this flat.
19:47Do you understand?
19:48Both of you.
19:49All right, Rodney.
19:50I need to get out of your prime about it.
19:52All right.
19:52You, sit down.
19:53I'll make you a cup of coffee, then you can both hit the road.
19:59What is happening?
20:00What the bloody hell is happening?
20:02I've got a cast of thousands.
20:04I've got more advertising than Pearl and Dean.
20:06And now I think he wants to make Emanuel in Peckham.
20:09Oh, this is a bloody nightmare.
20:12Now, Rodney.
20:13Rodney, calm down.
20:15Calm down.
20:16Deep breaths.
20:18Nice and easy does it.
20:20Night nurse, take one.
20:22Night nurse, take one.
20:24Night nurse, take one.
20:25Baby, let it slip to the ground.
20:27No.
20:28Mickey, you'd better not be doomed.
20:30Oh, no, Mickey.
20:32No, you had to pull him back.
20:34Oh, bloody hell.
20:38Hold him up.
20:39That's it.
20:41Move him about a bit.
20:43Oh, come on.
20:44Hurry up, Mickey.
20:45Love, he don't like smiling for too long.
20:48Okay, everybody.
20:50That's a wrap.
20:50Oh, I was so ready for that one.
20:53Happy anniversary, dear.
20:55Happy anniversary, dear.
20:55Happy anniversary, dear.
20:56Hey, Vic, I'm ready to get a move on.
20:57We've got that christening to do in 20 minutes.
20:59Yes, I'll be with you in just a moment, Mickey.
21:01Yeah, all right.
21:02I'll wait for you down the church, sir.
21:03All right, Rodney.
21:04Shut up.
21:05Oh, please yourself.
21:06Here we go, Rodney.
21:07My son, there is your shirt.
21:09All right.
21:10I don't like this, Del.
21:11You know I don't like this.
21:12I know, I know.
21:13Here, Del.
21:14We're slipping out of the back room.
21:16Oh, right.
21:16Good night, yeah.
21:17Hello, Rodney.
21:17All right, mate.
21:18Of all the bars and all the world, you had to walk into mine.
21:21You're in my film as well, ma'am.
21:23Oh, yeah?
21:23Yeah, it's just a little cameo roll, son.
21:25We'll see you in a minute.
21:25Come on, Del.
21:26Come on, come on.
21:27Come on, boys.
21:28Come on in, Elver.
21:29Yeah, go on, Elver.
21:30Have you got it?
21:30It all seems to be going rather well.
21:33Oh, yeah.
21:33It's really nice, isn't it?
21:34I married the happy couple all those years ago.
21:38Of course, I had hoped by now that the good Lord would have blessed their union with an offspring or
21:42two.
21:43But if it's not to be...
21:45Well, I'd heard that because of the precarious state of the world, Boise and Marlene had decided against starting a
21:50family.
21:51Oh, really?
21:52I heard that Boise was a Jaffa.
21:57Tell me, is it true that you are making a film, Rodney?
22:01Oh, yeah.
22:01We've got an Arts Council grant.
22:03Yeah.
22:03Well, I was talking with Derek.
22:05Yeah, I'll give you a bell when we start showing you.
22:08Thank you, my boy.
22:09All right, then, yes.
22:10Have you got a drink?
22:11Get away.
22:12Even the vicar's in on it now.
22:13What do you want a drink?
22:14Oh, just a beer.
22:15Here, come on.
22:16What's your day?
22:17All right, Trent?
22:18You're dirty, right?
22:19Oh, this is getting bloody stringy.
22:22All right, gentlemen, would you like to settle down?
22:24Yes, go on and settle down.
22:25Get down here, come on.
22:26Here we go.
22:27I'm in the front of yours.
22:29Right, now, the Boise Video and Leisure Arts Company is proud to present the British premiere of Night Nerds.
22:36Hooray!
22:38From the novel by Enid Blyton.
22:41Are you ready?
22:42Are you ready?
22:44Are you ready?
22:45Oh, here we go.
22:46There.
22:46Oh, that's a bit unexpected, isn't it?
22:48Hey, look at that one.
22:49I've got no sympathy for her.
22:51Oh, no, no, no.
22:52That's got to be special effects.
22:54No, no.
22:54It's real.
22:56Oh, look, shut up.
22:57They started proper now.
22:58Hang a bit.
22:59Where do they get these brotny flanks to film in?
23:04Here.
23:05I've seen that bird before somewhere.
23:07Eh?
23:07Not my idea.
23:10Go on, girl.
23:11Oh, let's have a look.
23:12Oh, boy.
23:12Oh, dear.
23:13I'm tired.
23:14I've just come back from nursing home.
23:16Oh, dear.
23:19Oh, dear.
23:20Oh, dear.
23:21Oh, dear.
23:22Oh, dear.
23:22You don't think one of those will do me a wee?
23:26Oh, dear.
23:27I don't know.
23:27She's got her earmuffs off now.
23:28Oh, dear.
23:30Oh, dear.
23:38Oh, dear.
23:41It was nothing to do with me, Dale. It was a Mickey Pierce production.
23:44Mickey Pierce? You wait till I get hold of him.
23:45I'm going to stuff that camera half a mile up his nostril.
23:49Well, then, didn't you have any idea what you were getting yourself into?
23:51Well, I thought Boycey wouldn't be too pleased, you know.
23:53Somebody muscling in on his business and that.
23:55God, shoot, Boycey.
23:57Boycey's not the one that's worrying me.
23:59It's his partners that are giving me grief.
24:00Do you know he's backing him behind this?
24:02Only the Driscoll brothers, that's all.
24:04Have you heard of them?
24:05No.
24:06No? Well, let's hope they haven't heard of you.
24:08And I'm going to see if I can save your knees and make sure they stay in the same place.
24:12I'm going to stuff this lot down a car, see. You stay there.
24:14Oh, look, Dale, I promise something like this will ever happen again. I promise.
24:19Hello, Rodney.
24:20All right, for a cup of coffee?
24:22Oh, yes.
24:23Do come in, Mickey.
24:25I put a few friends with me.
24:26Oh, yeah.
24:27Piercey, I want to ride you.
24:28Oh, you don't come in here.
24:31You wait.
24:32Oi, Piercey.
24:33You're coming out.
24:39Hello?
24:41Oh, Mr Stevens, hi.
24:43Yeah?
24:44Yeah, and have you had a chance to read it?
24:47Great.
24:47Well, what do you think?
24:49Oh, and please, be truthfully blunt with me.
24:51Okay.
24:53Yeah.
24:56Uh-huh.
24:59Yeah, well, that's truthfully blunt, isn't it, Mr Stevens?
25:01Yeah.
25:02Yes, there are a lot of characters in it, yes, but all vital to the theme, I thought.
25:07Yeah, well, I actually wanted to write a film that not only dealt with the contemporary issues,
25:12but also challenged some of the more widely held beliefs of modern youth.
25:17No, there's no problem, because my brother knows where he can get us a rhino.
25:21Yeah.
25:22Yeah.
25:22Yeah.