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00:01Come to the playa Caliente al Zó
00:02Come to the playa Caliente al Zó
00:06Divi-di-bi-di-bi-di-bom-bom
00:08Divi-di-bi-di-bom-bom-bom
00:11Divi-di-bi-di-bom-bom-bom
00:17Are you good at this, Del Boy?
00:19Yeah, wish you could say the same about this chicken.
00:22What's that with it? Tough?
00:23Tough? Tough is the toughest chicken I've ever known.
00:26It's asked me for a fight in a car park twice.
00:29All right, come on, what's upset you?
00:32Nothing, don't worry about me, Rodney.
00:34I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about the fiver I spent on this ticket.
00:37I thought we'd be enjoying ourselves, you know. What's the matter?
00:41I went round to Lenny Morris's Little Kids Christening today, you know.
00:45It was just this fantastic atmosphere in his front room.
00:48You know, his mum and dad were there and his wife and his little baby.
00:52And I thought, you know, he's got all his family round him.
00:56He's got a real family.
00:59And what have I got?
01:00You've got us.
01:01Yeah, I thought of that.
01:03That is when I left.
01:06You know that rich fur what he's been seeing lately, her with the nose?
01:09Well, she's just giving the whole Evo.
01:12No.
01:13Oh, well, that explains it, doesn't it?
01:15Del had high hopes of selling some gear to her.
01:17What sort of gear?
01:17Well, her dad left her a chain of laundrettes in his will, right?
01:21Del's gone and lumbered himself with two tonne of hooky persil.
01:25Why, don't you say nothing, Rodney. You told me in confidence.
01:28No, no, of course not.
01:29Right, here you are. Come on.
01:30Get somebody's gut rocked down your neck.
01:33Oh, come on, Del. Cheer up, eh?
01:35Yeah.
01:35I'll tell you what, let's have a family sing song like any old days, eh?
01:39Yeah, all right.
01:39All right, come on then. Go on, Rodney. Start us off.
01:41Yeah, right.
01:42All together, we're going to hang out the washing
01:45on the same train of life to have been in dirty washing.
01:52Oi, Enrico. Enrico.
01:54Come here, mate, will you?
01:55Si, senor.
01:56Listen, do us a favour, will you?
01:58Sing old Shep for me, will you?
02:00Oh, leave it out, Del. Not old Shep again.
02:02We're trying to enjoy ourselves.
02:04You can't enjoy yourself with a song about a dead dog.
02:09Sing old Shep.
02:11Senor, it's not possible to sing the old Shep song.
02:15It is, how shall you say, the tragic song.
02:18It makes the tears fall from the eyes.
02:20Go on, sing old Shep.
02:24Look, leave it out, will you, Del boy? I've got a living to earn.
02:28That's a killer of a song.
02:30Once I've sung that, the evening's finished.
02:33Look, I'll sing another song for you, eh?
02:37Any other song.
02:38But no way do I sing old Shep.
02:45Sing old Shep.
02:47When I was a lad, an old Shep was a bum.
02:56O'er the hill and the hill we rode.
03:03Just a boy and his bum, we were just full of fun.
03:09We grew out together that way.
03:17But if dogs have a heaven, there's one thing I know.
03:24Old Shep has a wonderful home.
03:32Old Shep.
03:37Bravo!
03:38Bravo, Enric.
03:39Di Stefano, my son.
03:41Di Stefano.
03:42Oh, Puscus, Puscus.
03:45That is my most favourite song about a dog, that is, you know?
03:49Yeah.
03:49I mean, that song's about dead dogs go.
03:51It's a real mind-bender, isn't it?
03:53The only trouble is nobody likes it.
03:56Say, do?
03:56Say, do I like it?
03:57And that young lady over there, she likes it.
04:04Excuse me, gentlemen.
04:05I think I've got a cultural encounter coming on.
04:09While you're over there, ask your cultural encounter if she's alright for Purcell.
04:23Good evening.
04:24Oh, hello.
04:24Do you mind if I park my bot?
04:26No, please.
04:27A drink?
04:28No, thank you.
04:28Oh.
04:30Well, that was...
04:30Oh, sorry.
04:32That was a lovely song, that, ain't it?
04:34Beautiful, eh?
04:34Always gets me right here, that does, yes.
04:37Always brings back such poignant memories.
04:40Did you have an old dog?
04:42Oh, I've had many old dogs in my time.
04:46Sorry, um...
04:47Sorry, what did you say your name was?
04:48Hever.
04:49That's a beautiful name, that, isn't it?
04:51Hever.
04:51It's one of my most favourite names there, Hever.
04:54My name is Del.
04:55It's short for Derek.
04:58Do you know what the word Derek means?
05:00No, I don't.
05:01No, nor do I.
05:02I'm always meaning to check it out.
05:04I'm very surprised to see a charming young lady like yourself here on her own.
05:07Well, I'm supposed to be meeting someone here.
05:11A girlfriend.
05:12But she doesn't seem to have shown up, so I was just about to leave.
05:15Oh, well, don't blame you.
05:16Now he's sung that song, it's stone dead in here, ain't it, eh?
05:18Listen, I hope you don't think I'm being fooled or nothing,
05:20but I just wondered if you fancy going on for a drink in a little nightclub that I know.
05:24Well, I'm not sure.
05:26He's getting home in early hours.
05:27Well, there's no bother, no.
05:28I can always drop you off.
05:29You know, do you live local?
05:30Brixton.
05:31Oh, Brixton.
05:31Do you really?
05:32Oh, that's funny, that is.
05:33Funny I haven't seen you before, because I do a lot of work down there, you know, in Rourke's Drift.
05:39What line are you in?
05:40Um, I'm an importer-exporter of quality merchandise.
05:45You know, antiques, that sort of thing.
05:50I tend to specialise in Parisian haute couture fashion, you know,
05:54and special objet d'art, modern works of art.
05:57That sounds fascinating.
05:59Oh, yes, it is.
06:00I tell you what, if you're interested, I've got some very cheap washing powder.
06:07Oh, straight.
06:08Great.
06:11Here.
06:15Sorry about the light.
06:18The landlord took the bulb out.
06:21He says he's doing his bit to conserve world energy.
06:24It's a rare combination, isn't it?
06:26A red collector and a friend of the earth.
06:29Well, mind the steps.
06:30Oh!
06:34Well, this is it.
06:36Told you it wasn't much of a flat, didn't I?
06:39Well, then, it could be worse.
06:41Oh, yeah.
06:41How?
06:42Could have been on the top floor.
06:43bit more.
06:46Oh!
06:51C'est moi-fraz.
06:53un non glacé.
06:56C'est moi-fraz.
06:57C'est moi-fraz.
06:57C'est moi-fraz.
06:57C'est moi-fraz.
06:57Oh, true.
06:58Very true.
07:02I didn't hear you come in.
07:03Sorry I'm late, love.
07:04Del took me onto a nightclub.
07:07C'est moi-fraz.
07:08It's only being friendly, John.
07:10What do I mean?
07:15Oh, Del, let me introduce you.
07:18This is Brian.
07:19Brian lives downstairs.
07:21He's my babysitter.
07:24Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Brian.
07:28Nice to meet you, too.
07:30Well, I won't stop.
07:32I've got some studying to catch up on.
07:34Brian goes away to university soon.
07:37Oh, you're a bit long in the tooth for that sort of lark, aren't you?
07:40I'm a mature student.
07:42Oh, go on.
07:42Here, my brother went to university.
07:44Oh, really?
07:45What was he reading?
07:46God knows.
07:47Mayfair and Penthouse knowing him.
07:50Yes, I see.
07:50Well, I really must be going.
07:52See you in the week, Heather.
07:53Bye for now.
07:54Thanks for looking after the place, Brian.
07:55Hope you didn't get on your nerves too much.
07:58No, no, no, no.
07:58I've got to get used to people like him.
08:03No, I meant the baby.
08:05Oh, sorry.
08:07No, no, no.
08:07He was as good as gold.
08:09Bye for now.
08:10Bye.
08:11Mind the step.
08:13I just didn't know you had a baby.
08:14Well, he's not a baby anymore.
08:16He's nearly three and a half.
08:17There's a picture of him on the mantelpiece.
08:21I mean, he's a big lad for his age.
08:24No, that's Bic, my husband.
08:26That's Darren.
08:27Oh, he's a little cracker, isn't he, eh?
08:31Here, where's your husband these days?
08:32I don't know.
08:34And I don't particularly care.
08:36He walked out of here one morning, said he was popping down the job centre to sign on.
08:40That was 18 months ago.
08:42Well, the way things are, he could still be queuing.
08:46Do you know, when we got engaged, Vic had a straight choice between going on holiday with his mates or
08:52buying me an engagement ring.
08:54Did he send you a postcard?
08:56Like Pelley did.
08:58Vic looked after number one.
08:59I don't think he was ever meant to be married.
09:02Couldn't face the responsibility.
09:04I used to say to him, Vic, I used to say, you've got a baby now, Vic.
09:09Isn't it time you sorted yourself out and...
09:12Oh, God.
09:13I'm sorry, Del.
09:15There's nothing worse than having your ear bent by somebody else's problems.
09:18I'm just tired.
09:21Yeah, well, I'd better be off.
09:22Yeah, I've got an early call in the morning.
09:25Yeah, I've got to get down to, uh...
09:27I've got to get down to Peckham by seven.
09:29Pick up a consignment of fire-damaged walks.
09:34Anyway, I'll be finished by about ten.
09:37I just wondered whether you might fancy going out for the day somewhere, you know, having a spot of lunch,
09:40something like that.
09:41Oh, yeah, I'd love to.
09:42I'll see if Brian will babysit again.
09:44No, no, no.
09:44I meant, you know, you and the boy.
09:47Oh, are you sure?
09:48Yeah.
09:48Most men don't want to know when they find you've got a baby.
09:51Yeah, well, I'm not most men, ever.
10:00Yeah, okay, well, uh...
10:02Yeah, I'll, um...
10:04I'll see you about eleven, right, tomorrow?
10:06Yeah, all right, then.
10:06Yeah, okay, then.
10:07Bye, then.
10:08Bye, then.
10:12Bye.
10:13Oh!
10:15My mistake!
10:16Oh, Brian!
10:20Bye, then.
10:41Oh, my God.
10:52Oh, my God.
11:26Oh, my God.
11:34Oh, my God.
11:38Oh, he's funny.
11:41Soon the wind down on a wonderland
11:49Soon the chase the day away
11:57I know the moon and stars came out to play
12:06Soon the chase the day away
12:15I knew the moon and stars came out to play
12:23And then
12:25That's right. Come on in, Darren. Kick the ball to your Uncle Del.
12:34Good boy.
12:36Good boy, good boy, my son.
12:38Let's see you come out of the corner.
12:47This way.
12:49Good boy.
12:51You're going to play for England one of these days.
12:53What do you reckon, Rodney?
12:55Darren could play for England now, couldn't he?
12:57He's better than that load of rubbish.
12:59Come on, you'll get an England time playing like this.
13:01Just have a look at him, will you?
13:03He's like a born-again Oval Tini.
13:06He's like, you're going to have a look at him for, what, six weeks and look at him?
13:10I don't know what's got into him.
13:12He spends most of his time on them climbing frames and swings and what have you.
13:17The other day I see the caretaker telling him all for coming down the slide backwards.
13:23Down backwards? It's a bit dangerous, isn't it?
13:26I mean, all these conkers and marbles could have fallen into his pocket.
13:37It's a joke.
13:39Oh, nothing, mate.
13:40He was just talking about Wally's.
13:46Not so much of it.
13:52That's another thing.
13:53I wish he'd get rid of this sign.
13:55I mean, whenever I'm sitting in the passenger seat, people are looking at me sort of funny.
14:00Oh, I wouldn't let that bother you, Rodney.
14:03Huh?
14:03No.
14:04They most probably just think you're a poof.
14:07LAUGHTER
14:09LAUGHTER
14:10LAUGHTER
14:11LAUGHTER
14:22You must have spent a third of your life standing in front of mirrors.
14:29My earliest childhood recollection is of you standing in front of a mirror.
14:37Up until I was four, I thought you was twins.
14:40LAUGHTER
14:41LAUGHTER
14:43You all are trying to wind me up, Rodney.
14:44It ain't going to work.
14:45No way, bruv.
14:46Because tonight is a very, very happy night and a very, very special one for me.
14:50What is it, Cubs' night?
14:53No, it ain't Cubs' night.
14:55Well, come on, Rodney, how do I look, eh?
14:57You look like a second-hand car trader.
14:59Oh, thanks a lot, Rod.
15:01Here, that reminds me.
15:01You know, we were talking about earlier on about Heather and Darren coming over for Christmas.
15:05I mean, you don't mind, do you?
15:06Because you like Heather, don't you, eh?
15:08Don't you, Rod?
15:09Eh?
15:09Yeah, she's all right.
15:11What about you, Grandad?
15:12You like Darren, don't you, eh?
15:14He's not a noisy little brat, is he?
15:15Oh, no, he's a good little kid.
15:17Here.
15:19Here, Rod.
15:21How do you feel about, uh, Heather becoming your sister-in-law?
15:25Oh, what?
15:25No, no, no, no, not now, not immediately.
15:27I mean, you know, sometime in the future.
15:28I mean, you know, I haven't even mentioned it to her yet.
15:30I mean, I don't want to jump me guns.
15:32Eh?
15:34Well, I'm not fast.
15:35Do you want to come and live here with that noisy little brat?
15:37We'll see.
15:39No, no.
15:40We've applied for a council house.
15:45Well, where's me, uh, Billy-go?
15:47Oh, here it is.
15:47Yeah, right.
15:48That's it.
15:49Well, I'm off out then.
15:50I'm taking Heather out for an evening that she will never forget.
15:53You know, it's going to be soft lights, music, champagne, and, of course, the very, very finest of foods.
16:01I only hope she likes curry.
16:12Well.
16:17Well, I suppose it was always on the cards.
16:20I think they'll be happy together, don't you?
16:22Oh, yeah, she's a good girl.
16:24She'll look after him.
16:25Yeah, and he thinks the world of that kid, don't he?
16:28Aye.
16:29And they fit so neatly into his style of living.
16:32You know, fast foods, ready to wear suits.
16:35Now he's got an instant family, eh?
16:40I'm pleased for him.
16:42You seem to be forgetting something, Rodney.
16:44If Del Boy moves into his council gaff with his off-the-peg-next-to-Kim,
16:48who the hell's going to pay the rent, gas and electric in this place, eh?
16:55Aye.
16:58We'll have chicken teak, half the bone, a mutton madras, a pair of onion barges, four papadums, some naan bread,
17:07and a couple of portions of rice.
17:09Great.
17:10Yes, which rice would you like?
17:12Have you got any Uncle Ben's?
17:18No, sir, we have pillow rice, basmati rice, or plain white rice.
17:21Oh, we'll have the pillow rice.
17:23Make sure you take the feathers out first.
17:26Oh, and Tony, I want a bottle of your finest champagne.
17:29All right, son?
17:30Yes, sir.
17:33You're pushing the boat out a bit, aren't you?
17:35No, I'm always like this when I've got something to celebrate.
17:37Oh, yeah?
17:37What are we celebrating?
17:39You sold all them Chinese walks?
17:40Mm-hmm.
17:41No, no, I got a bit lumbered with them, actually.
17:43I'm giving them away free with packets of persil.
17:48What's the champagne in aid of?
17:50Well...
17:56Christmas.
17:58What is it?
17:59Well, open it, see.
18:01Oh, no.
18:05Del.
18:07Well?
18:10Oh, it's lovely.
18:13Got it off this mate of mine, Abdul.
18:16Gets a discount at Atten Garden.
18:21Del, is this an engagement ring?
18:24No, it's a set of socket spanners.
18:27Of course it's an engagement ring.
18:30No, I'll change it if you like.
18:32See, remember what you said, that you liked solitaire diamonds.
18:35So I thought, well, you know, I'll get her a cluster of solitaires.
18:42No.
18:43No, it's a beautiful ring, Del.
18:45Oh, what's up then?
18:49It's Vic.
18:51Well, is your nose blocked up?
18:56No.
18:59No, it's Vic, my husband.
19:01Oh, well, what about him?
19:04He wrote to me last week.
19:06Oh, yeah, last week?
19:07You didn't mention it.
19:08I know.
19:09I'm trying to find the right moment to bring the subject up.
19:13Well, he's living in Southampton.
19:15Yeah.
19:15Got himself a nice flat, apparently.
19:16Yeah.
19:18He wants me and Darren to move down there with him.
19:21You know, try again.
19:23See if we can make it work this time.
19:26Oh.
19:28Yeah, well, I mean, you're not going to believe all that old pony, are you?
19:35Are you?
19:37The thing is, Del, he's still my husband.
19:41He's Darren's father.
19:44I owe it to him.
19:45Oh, come on.
19:46Don't give me all that, Heather.
19:48I mean, he don't care a monkey's about you and Darren.
19:50I mean, what did big, brave Vic do when a going got heavy, eh?
19:53He pulled on his hiking boots and had it away on his toes.
19:56You don't know what he's like, Del.
19:57I do know what he's like, because he's exactly like my old man.
19:59That's what he did to me 18 years ago.
20:01It wasn't all his fault.
20:03He was unemployed.
20:05All he wanted was a regular job.
20:07He had no idea what sort of pressure that can do to a family.
20:11Well, he's got himself a job now in a department store.
20:15Yeah, doing what?
20:17He's a Father Christmas.
20:19Oh, well, that's a steady little number, that, ain't it, eh?
20:23Free uniform, luncheon vouchers, 48 weeks holiday a year.
20:29I still love him.
20:34What about me?
20:36I love you, Del.
20:39But not in that way.
20:41I feel for you the way someone would feel for a...
20:43Goldfish or a gerbil.
20:46No.
20:47Like a brother.
20:50I feel for you the way you feel for Rodney.
20:53I thought you liked me.
20:55Ever, I thought that you and I had an understanding.
20:59Honestly, Del, I never knew you felt that strongly.
21:02I mean, you never said anything.
21:03Well, I'm not a poet, ever.
21:08You know, I can't do all that lovey-dovey stuff.
21:12I feel things, but when I try to say them, they always come out Wally-ish.
21:22I thought it was obvious, the way that I felt for you.
21:25What else could I have done?
21:28I don't know.
21:30A sign or something.
21:32I'd tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree or something.
21:37I leave next Tuesday.
21:40Will you come round and say goodbye to Darren?
21:48No.
21:50He really took to you.
21:52You like kids, don't you?
21:55Yeah.
21:57I used to go to school with a lot of them.
22:01It's a beautiful ring, Del.
22:07Normally I'd let you keep it, but...
22:09I've only got it on a week's approval.
22:13I don't really feel hungry anymore, Del.
22:15I think I'll go.
22:19It's all right.
22:20I'll get a text.
22:22I'll get a text.
22:43I'll get a text.
22:50I'll get a text.
22:52I'll get a text.
22:55I've got it.
23:00I'll get a text.
23:07I'll get a text.
23:13Sleep in heavenly peace
23:20Sleep in heavenly peace
23:28We wish you a merry Christmas
23:31We wish you a merry Christmas
23:33We wish you a merry Christmas
23:36And a happy new year
23:38Good tidings we bring to you and your king
23:42We wish you a merry Christmas
23:45And a happy new year
23:47We wish you a merry Christmas
23:49We wish you a merry Christmas
23:51We wish you a merry Christmas
23:53And a happy new year
23:59When I was a man
24:01I was a man
24:03On hills and meadows we stray
24:09Mr. Father and his dog
24:12We were both born on fire
24:15And he threw up
24:17Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah