- 2 days ago
Life Slaver
Caitlin saves Darth from a bully, who had strung him up over a mezzanine railing, and gets protection from the Jedi force as her reward, but Darth's girlfriend Julie is jealous that Darth is spending so much time around Caitlin, and wants revenge. Meanwhile, Jonesy and Jude find a box of old security tapes from over 30 years ago, which featured a younger version of Ron the Rent-a-cop. Later, Jen gets bad luck after deleting a chain e-mail that says she must forward it to 100 addresses, or get bad luck forever.
Caitlin saves Darth from a bully, who had strung him up over a mezzanine railing, and gets protection from the Jedi force as her reward, but Darth's girlfriend Julie is jealous that Darth is spending so much time around Caitlin, and wants revenge. Meanwhile, Jonesy and Jude find a box of old security tapes from over 30 years ago, which featured a younger version of Ron the Rent-a-cop. Later, Jen gets bad luck after deleting a chain e-mail that says she must forward it to 100 addresses, or get bad luck forever.
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TVTranscript
00:07I'll give you half price on a scientific calculator
00:11and throw in a protractor for free.
00:14And what would I do with a scientific calculator?
00:17Calculate complex second order nonlinear ordinary differential equations.
00:23Or not.
00:25I can't believe that little cami I love finally went on sale.
00:28It was like cami karma.
00:31Hotty alert, two o'clock.
00:35Somebody's been working out.
00:39Yeah, doing bicep curls with Darth.
00:42He's going to drop them.
00:45Hey there, cutie patootie.
00:49Hey there yourself, I'm Jack.
00:51Want to grab a bite?
00:52Maybe make out in the photo booth?
00:54Um, no thanks.
00:55What? Why not?
00:56For starters, bullying is so not cool.
01:00Plus you're wearing socks with your sandals.
01:02Ew!
01:06Poor Darth.
01:07I can't believe what a jerk that guy was.
01:10I know.
01:11Some people think they can get away with murder.
01:13I mean please, it's either cold enough for socks or warm enough for sandals.
01:17Never both.
01:24Hey Darth, change your pants yet?
01:27We heard what happened.
01:29Don't be embarrassed, dude.
01:31Even the Vader would have pooped his cape.
01:34You okay, Darth?
01:35Affirmative, thank you for asking.
01:37Ahem.
01:39Caitlyn, I am here to inform you that as you saved me from certain death, I am now your humble
01:44servant.
01:46Ah, it was no biggie.
01:47Oh, but it was.
01:49And as a valiant Jedi Knight, I am now at your service.
01:55I'd really rather not make a big deal out of this, okay Darth?
01:58I'm afraid that's not possible.
01:59I will not leave your side until my debt has been repaid.
02:07Don't worry.
02:09You won't even notice I'm here.
02:12I promise.
02:19Caitlyn, incoming Haughty.
02:25Hey.
02:28Greetings, Haughty.
02:29May I interest you in a citrus fruit beverage to quench your thirst and soothe your olfactory senses?
02:38Wait, come back!
02:40How long did you say you have to be my loyal protector?
02:44Until I have successfully averted your death.
02:50Didn't your parents get you that laptop to help you score better grades in school?
02:55Uh-huh.
02:56And how's that working for you?
02:57Wicked?
02:58My scores for Online Doom Squadron have, like, triple...
03:02Hey, can I check my email?
03:04My snowboarding coach is announcing our new team captain, a.k.a.
03:08Hmm, confident much?
03:11Anything?
03:12Just mass emails.
03:14Delete.
03:15Delete.
03:16De-
03:16Delete.
03:17You don't even read them?
03:18Why would I?
03:19Why would I?
03:20This one says I have to forward it to a hundred people or suffer bad luck forever.
03:23Delete.
03:24Whoa.
03:25Shouldn't you do what the email says?
03:27I don't have a hundred addresses and wouldn't forward it if I did.
03:31People who send those things are annoying.
03:34I do.
03:34I rest my case.
03:36Besides, you can't get bad luck from an email.
03:39Ow!
03:40Darn!
03:41You sure about that, brah?
03:43Uh-huh.
03:44I'm also sure I'm late for work.
03:46Catch you later.
03:47Bye.
03:48See ya.
03:49Ow!
03:50There goes disaster.
03:56Darth, you cannot come into the washroom with me.
03:59Let's 70% of accidents in the home occur in the...
04:02Stay!
04:04Be careful in there!
04:07Hey, Darth.
04:08Can you enjoy me for a bite?
04:09I've got some fresh ground beef with your name on it.
04:13No can do.
04:14I'm waiting for someone.
04:18You're waiting for a girl?
04:20But...
04:21But I'm your girlfriend.
04:23In fact, I am very aware of my little taco,
04:25but my Jedi forces are needed elsewhere.
04:28Oh.
04:30But...
04:30Fine.
04:42There's got to be another way out of here.
04:44Did you know that people fart up to like 15 times a day?
04:48Dude, I'm at like 22.
04:5123.
04:54Jonesy?
04:55Jude?
04:56Is that you?
04:57I think it's the ghost of Caitlyn.
05:00Darth must have failed to protect her.
05:03I'm fine, Jude.
05:04I mean, I need help.
05:06Darth is waiting for me outside the washroom.
05:09We saw him.
05:10You got to admit, the guy is dedicated.
05:12That little Jedi master's totally cramping my style.
05:15Just let Darth save your life, and he'll leave you alone.
05:19How?
05:19We're in the mall.
05:20I have near-death experiences here all the time, brah.
05:24But you'll probably have to fake yours.
05:27You're the best.
05:28Thanks, guys.
05:33Dude?
05:36Thought I'd drop in for a visit.
05:39Dude!
05:40I found something in the air vent.
05:46The sign on the door says women.
05:50You can't believe everything you read, little dude.
05:55It is safe to proceed.
05:58Oh!
05:59Which is you!
06:00That girl stole my boyfriend.
06:04So knock her off!
06:05Ow!
06:06Ha-ha-ha!
06:07Yeah, okay.
06:09Can I borrow your ball launcher?
06:15It's odd, sister!
06:21Jonesy thinks if I pretend to let Darth save me, he'll leave me alone.
06:25What are you gonna do?
06:26Throw yourself down the stairs?
06:28Ooh!
06:29Good one!
06:30Uh, maybe you should start with something less painful.
06:33Just slip and fall or something.
06:35Thanks, Wyatt.
06:36Bye!
06:37Here, Darth.
06:38You must be thirsty.
06:40Oops!
06:41Better wipe that up.
06:45Darth!
06:46Save me!
06:47Step away from my man!
06:51Ow!
06:52No!
06:53Darth!
06:54I'm sorry.
06:56Close enough.
06:58Hmm.
07:00Now what do we have here?
07:03Those are seriously old videos, bro.
07:06Which were hidden in an air vent?
07:09Anything hidden is worth finding, dude.
07:12It's treasure.
07:14Everything hidden is not treasure.
07:16Jen hides her zits under makeup.
07:18I hide my overwhelming sense of insecurity behind heavily laden sarcasm.
07:26Ha-ha-ha!
07:27Suckers!
07:34Looks like old store security tapes.
07:36Quite a treasure, Jude.
07:39Quite a treasure.
07:41I'm watching them, dudes.
07:43Yeah.
07:44The only thing more boring than hanging with the two of you is hanging with the two of you while
07:49watching that.
07:51See ya.
07:53I'm in a jet too, buddy.
07:54See ya.
08:01You're deader this time!
08:04Ha-ha-ha!
08:04Pow!
08:05Well, I guess we'll sit and eat.
08:08Haylin, wait!
08:11Ow!
08:12Darth, you failed me again.
08:15Ha!
08:15I-I'll save you next time!
08:16I promise!
08:17I promise!
08:22You failed trouble, all right.
08:26Dude, are you seriously watching those?
08:29And...
08:29Wayne!
08:31What?
08:32The kid in this video rocks!
08:34He's pulled some of the best pranks of the late 20th century.
08:39Ha-ha!
08:40Kid's got spunk, all right.
08:43Reminds me of, well, me.
08:47Hey, Jude, can I check my email again?
08:54Whoa, what happened, brah?
08:55You get the license plate?
08:57Coach Haller gave me a five-minute penalty for being late.
09:00Then, I slammed my hand in the penalty box door, slipped on a pile of golf balls, skinned my knee,
09:06and got another five-minute foul.
09:07I guess somebody's wishing she forwarded a certain email this morning?
09:12Yes, I am having the worst day ever, but not because of some dumb email.
09:16Yes!
09:17And the new captain of the girls' snowboarding team is...
09:23Kathy, what?!
09:24Bummer, brah.
09:25That stinks.
09:27Ha-ha-ha-ha!
09:28Did you see that?
09:30The dude just rigged a fire hose to the water fountain.
09:34Nice!
09:35Plastic!
09:36All right!
09:37All right!
09:37Ow!
09:39Ugh!
09:41Not my fault.
09:42It was the email.
09:46I've got a bunch of addresses I can send you.
09:48I've got 40 on my customer mailing list.
09:50I'll give you those if you get me another 50.
09:53Hmm.
09:54Deal.
09:56Darth keeps messing up, Wyatt.
09:58There's got to be another way to ditch him.
10:02We do it by way this time.
10:10Save me, Darth!
10:12I can't get wet.
10:13I have a reoccurring ear infection in me, my water wings, and my nose plug.
10:20Worst Jedi ever.
10:25What do we have here?
10:29You're mine, Marco.
10:35You're mine, Marco.
10:38What happened, Jen?
10:40I deleted a forward I was supposed to send to a hundred people or suffer bad luck forever.
10:44Bummer.
10:45Tell me about it.
10:46How's it going with Darth?
10:48I think I need a new strategy.
10:53Why is Darth still with that floozy?
10:57I think I need a new strategy.
10:59If you can't beat her, join her.
11:03I could be a damsel in distress, too.
11:14Jonesy here.
11:15I've tried everything, but Darth still hasn't saved me.
11:18Caitlyn, you know, you didn't actually save Darth's life.
11:21He just would have been maimed, not killed.
11:23Really?
11:23Heck yes.
11:25So Darth just needs to help you out.
11:26And you need to make his life suck so bad, he quits.
11:30Make him knit you socks or something.
11:33Thanks, Jonesy.
11:34You're a genius.
11:35Tell me about it.
11:36Later.
11:37I can't believe you guys are still watching that garbage.
11:41Hey, wasn't today your first day at Boots and Bags?
11:43You got a job at Boots and Bags?
11:49First shift doesn't start till 1.
11:51Yeah, it's 4.30.
11:53What?
11:53Aw, man, I am so fired.
11:57So I didn't save your life.
11:59It was only the second floor.
12:02Agreed.
12:02But I owe you a debt of gratitude.
12:05What can I do for you?
12:07You can knit me socks.
12:08And when you're done that, you can scrub down the lemon, reply to my emails, and organize my makeup.
12:14A Jedi's work is never done.
12:17Win a dream vacation.
12:20Don't forget your email address.
12:25What's up?
12:26You get another job?
12:27I'm collecting addresses so that I can forward that awful email.
12:31Well, whatever you do, don't forward it to me.
12:33Oh, as if.
12:38Oh, crap.
12:40You might like to know I made you a My Face page.
12:45You had so many pictures, I posted them online.
12:48I listed your favorite stores.
12:50Stores!
12:51Your favorite magazines.
12:53What's your favorite color?
12:55Ooh, um, teal!
12:57Oh, Darth!
13:00Teal, it is!
13:02Whoa!
13:03Darth!
13:04Darth!
13:05Save me!
13:07Oh!
13:08Oh!
13:08Eee!
13:09Ah!
13:10Ah!
13:11Ah!
13:12Ah!
13:12Ah!
13:14Ah!
13:14I think I broke my taco!
13:16Ha ha ha!
13:17Oh, Darth!
13:18You're the best!
13:21It's war!
13:24Ha ha ha!
13:27Rabbits!
13:31Clever and devious.
13:33Finally, a role model I can aspire to.
13:36Uh-oh, looks like the Rent-A-Cop's gonna get him.
13:38Ron, dude! Busted!
13:43Who's the new dude?
13:51Did you see that? That was... was...
13:55Ron the Rent-A-Cop!
13:57It can't be. Those tapes are like 30 years old.
14:01That would make Ron, like, 80.
14:03It must be Ron's dad.
14:05But that would make that kid...
14:08My... my hero?
14:10Ron the Rent-A-Cop?
14:13Here's your new mailing list.
14:15Finally scored my hundred email addresses.
14:18But I'm just like him. I'm a total prankster.
14:20What if I end up like the Rent-A-Cop?
14:23What's with him?
14:24I'm saved!
14:26I'm doomed.
14:29Where did all the hotties come from?
14:31I really am gonna turn into the Rent-A-Cop, aren't I?
14:34Darth made Caitlyn a MyFace page.
14:36I guess she's gotten a lot of hits.
14:38And a lot of hit-ons.
14:40Hi! Can I get you something?
14:42Actually, I was hoping I could get you something.
14:46Oh, Darth! You've saved my love life!
14:49Then my Jedi duty has been fulfilled.
14:56Get your hands off my man, you!
15:00You!
15:00Lemon!
15:01Cart!
15:02Julie!
15:03It's not what you think.
15:05Oh, yeah?
15:06Well, let's see what you think about...
15:09Slender!
15:10Come on!
15:12Ow!
15:13That burns!
15:14That's right!
15:16It's just you and me now!
15:18Taco against lemon!
15:22Stop it!
15:23Ow!
15:23Ow!
15:26Ow!
15:29Do something, Darth!
15:31I can't!
15:32I'm allergic to hot sauce!
15:35He really is the worst Jedi ever!
15:38Back off, Julie!
15:39You've got it all wrong!
15:41Darth was just...
15:42Ow!
15:42Save it, sister!
15:45Ow!
15:46Ow!
15:50Ow!
15:52Ow!
15:53Ow!
15:54Ow!
15:54For once, I think I'm speechless.
15:57Ow!
15:57Ow!
15:58Ow!
15:59Ow!
15:59Ow!
16:00Ow!
16:01Ow!
16:01Ow!
16:01Ow!
16:01Ow!
16:03Ow!
16:05Ow!
16:12You're surrounded!
16:14I've been hit! Man down!
16:16Man down!
16:18Me? 30 years from now?
16:22Go Caitlyn!
16:24Pucker up, blabbit head!
16:27Enough!
16:31I can't see!
16:34Darth!
16:37Julie!
16:38Is that you?
16:39Oh!
16:41It's me, Darth!
16:43You saved my life!
16:44I will remain by your side
16:47until I have reciprocated!
16:50Sounds super!
16:57This isn't over, Taco.
17:00I know where you work.
17:03Look, yes I do.
17:06Oh, brother.
17:07You're not gonna turn into the rent-a-cop, okay?
17:10You already tried that, remember?
17:11You sucked and were heinously fired.
17:14Thanks, Nikki.
17:15You always know just what to say.
17:18You better now, girls?
17:20Much. Not so much.
17:22All those people I forwarded that email to have my address,
17:25and I got 23 new forwards.
17:27Better get that clipboard.
17:29Hey, Darth, I was thinking.
17:31Yellow is such a pretty color.
17:33Could you update my My Face page?
17:36Darth?
17:38Darth!
17:39Ah, rats!
17:46I think we missed the tape, dudes!
17:58I think we missed the tape, dudes!
18:10I think we missed the tape.
18:32See you next time!
18:34You're on the next week.
18:35Bye!
18:38Bye!
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