00:07okay if no one else will say it I will we really suck at paintball that was
00:13absolutely humiliating oh come on some battles you win some battles you lose
00:18yes but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's bar mitzvah party I think
00:24we have to acknowledge those are some fairly savage pre-adolescent Jews no we
00:32were annihilated by our own incompetence and the inability of some people to
00:36follow the chain of command Sheldon let it go no I want to talk about the fact
00:40that wallow it shot me in the back I shot you for good reason you were leading us
00:45into disaster I was giving clear concise orders you hid behind a tree yelling get
00:52the kid in the yarmulke get the kid in the yarmulke oh hey guys oh hello morning
00:57ma'am so how was paintball do you have fun sure if you consider being fragged by your
01:03own troops fun you clear space on your calendar there will be an inquiry okay
01:11um hey I'm having a party on Saturday so if you guys are around you should come
01:14by a party yeah a boy girl party well there will be boys and there will be
01:22girls and it is a party it'll just be a bunch of my friends we'll have some beer do a
01:26little
01:26dancing dancing yeah I don't know penny the thing is we're not we're really more
01:31of no thanks thanks for thinking of us are you sure come on it's Halloween a
01:38Halloween party as in costumes well yeah
01:51is there a theme yeah Halloween yes but are the costumes random or genre specific as usual I'm not
02:00following he's asking if we can come as anyone from science fiction fantasy sure what about comic
02:07books fine anime of course TV film D&D manga Greek gods Roma gods Norse gods anything you want okay
02:13any costume you want
02:19gentlemen to the sewing machines
02:23our whole universe was in a hot dance state the nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started way
02:31the earth began to cool the autotropes began to drew me and recalls develop tools we built a wall
02:36pyramids map science history unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang
02:48I'll get it
03:03oh no oh no
03:11make way for the fastest man alive
03:14oh no see this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting
03:18we all have other costumes we can change
03:21or we could walk right behind each other all night it looked like one person going really fast
03:34no no no it's a boy-girl party this flash runs solo
03:40okay how about this nobody gets to be the flash we all change agreed agreed
04:02sorry I'm late but my hammer got stuck in the door on the bus
04:06you went with Thor what just because I'm Indian I can't be a Norse God no no no Raj has
04:12to be an Indian God
04:14that's racism I mean look at Wolowitz he's not English but he's dressed like Peter Pan
04:21Sheldon is neither sound nor light but he's obviously the Doppler effect
04:29I'm not Peter Pan I'm Robin Hood
04:33really because I saw Peter Pan and you're dressed exactly like Kathy Rigby
04:38she was a little bigger than you but it's basically the same look man
04:43hey Sheldon there's something I want to talk to you about before we go to the party
04:46I don't care if anybody gets it I'm going as the Doppler effect
04:51no it's not
04:51if I have to I can demonstrate
04:58terrific
05:01this party is my first chance for Penny to see me in the context of her social group
05:06and I need you not to embarrass me tonight
05:10well what exactly do you mean by embarrass you
05:13for example tonight no one needs to know that my middle name is Leakey
05:19but there's nothing embarrassing about that your father worked with Lewis Leakey a great anthropologist
05:24it had nothing to do with your bed wedding
05:28all I'm saying is that this party is the perfect opportunity for Penny to see me as a member of
05:34her peer group
05:35a potential close friend and perhaps more
05:39I don't want to look like a dork
05:52just a heads up fellas if anyone gets lucky I've got a dozen condoms in my quiver
05:59oh hey guys
06:00hey sorry we're late
06:03late it's 7.05
06:04and you said the party starts at 7
06:06well yeah I mean when you start a party at 7
06:08no one shows up at you know 7
06:13it's 7.05
06:16yes yes it is
06:17okay well um come on in
06:27what are all the girls in the bathroom
06:30probably but in their own homes
06:34so what time does the costume parade start
06:38the parade?
06:39yeah so the judges can give out the prizes for best costume
06:42most frightening most authentic most accurate visualization of a scientific principle
06:50oh Sheldon I'm sorry but there aren't going to be any parades or judges or prizes
06:56this party is just going to suck
06:59oh come on it's going to be fun and you all look great I mean look at you Thor and
07:04oh Peter Pan that's so cute
07:07actually Penny he's wrong
07:09it's not Peter Pan
07:11and I got a handful of pixie dust with your name on it
07:16no you don't
07:20uh hey what's Sheldon supposed to be?
07:22oh he's the Doppler effect
07:24yes it's the apparent change in the frequency of a wave caused by relative motion between the source of the
07:29wave and the observer
07:33oh sure I see it now the Doppler effect
07:36all right I gotta shower you guys um make yourselves comfortable
07:40okay
07:43see people get it
07:59bye audience dear this is good sex mix
08:03no thanks peanuts I can't afford to swell up in these types
08:07I'm confused if there's no costume parade what are we doing here
08:12we're socializing meeting new people telepathically
08:18oh hey when did you get here
08:21hi
08:22Penny is wearing the worst catwoman costume I've ever seen and that includes Allie Berries
08:27she's not catwoman she's just a generic cat
08:30and that's the kind of sloppy costuming which results from a lack of rules and competition
08:38hey guys check out the sexy nurse
08:40I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough
08:46what is your move?
08:48I'm going to use the mirror technique
08:50she brushes her hair back I brush my hair back
08:52she shrugs I shrug
08:53subconsciously she's thinking we're in sync we belong together
08:57where do you get this stuff?
08:59you know psychology journals internet research
09:02and there's this great show on VH1 about how to pick up the rules
09:09if only I had his confidence
09:10I have such difficulty speaking to women
09:13or around women
09:14or at times even effeminate men
09:19if that's a working stethoscope
09:21maybe you'd like to hear my heart skip a beat
09:24no thanks
09:25no seriously you can't
09:27I have transient idiopathic arrhythmia
09:35I want to get to know Penny's friends
09:38I just I don't know how to talk to these people
09:41well I actually might be able to help
09:44how so?
09:46like Jane Goodall observing the apes
09:48I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured
09:52but patterns emerge
09:53they have their own language if you will
09:57go on
09:58well it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group
10:03with the greeting
10:04how wasted am I
10:05which is meant with an approving chorus of
10:08dude
10:10then what happens?
10:11that's as far as I've gotten
10:14this is ridiculous
10:15I'm jumping in
10:17good luck
10:18oh you're coming with me
10:19oh I hardly think so
10:21come on
10:23aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
10:25yes
10:26but I need a wingman
10:27alright
10:28but if we're going to use flight metaphors
10:31I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA analyzing wreckage
10:38oh hi
10:39hello
10:41so what are you supposed to be?
10:43me?
10:44I'll give you a hint
10:49a juju train?
10:51close
10:54meeeewww
10:55a brain damage choo choo train?
11:00how wasted am I?
11:10meeeewww
11:12I still won't get it
11:13I'm the doppler effect
11:15okay if that is some sort of learning disability I think it's very insensitive
11:21why don't you just tell people you're a zebra?
11:25why don't you just tell people you're one of the seven dwarves?
11:28because I'm Frodo
11:29yes
11:30well I'm the doppler effect
11:33oh no
11:34what?
11:35that's Penny's ex-boyfriend
11:37what do you suppose he's doing here?
11:40besides disrupting the local gravity field
11:44if he were any bigger
11:45he'd have moons orbiting him
11:47oh snap
11:49so I guess we'll be leaving now
11:51why should we leave?
11:54for all we know
11:55he crashed the party
11:56and Penny doesn't even want him here
11:59you have a back-up hypothesis?
12:02maybe they just want to be friends
12:04or maybe she wants to be friends
12:06and he wants something more
12:08then he and I are on equal ground
12:10yes but you're much closer to it than he is
12:15look if this was 15,000 years ago
12:17by virtue of his size and strength
12:19Kurt would be entitled as choice of female partners
12:22and male partners
12:23animal partners
12:24large primordial eggplants
12:25pretty much whatever tickled his fancy
12:28yes but our society has undergone a paradigm shift
12:31in the information age Sheldon
12:33you and I are the alpha males
12:35we shouldn't have to back down
12:37true
12:38why don't you text him that
12:39and see if he backs down
12:42no
12:45I'm going to assert my dominance face to face
12:48face to face?
12:49are you going to wait for him to sit down
12:50or are you going to stand on the coffee table?
12:54hello Penny
12:55hello Kurt
12:56oh hey guys
12:57you having a good time?
12:58given the reaction to my costume
13:00this party is a scathing indictment of the American education system
13:04all right you're a zebra
13:05you have another child left behind
13:10what are you supposed to be an elf?
13:12no I'm a hobbit
13:14what's the difference?
13:16a hobbit is a mortal halfling inhabitant of middle earth
13:19whereas an elf is an immortal tall warrior
13:22so why the hell would you want to be a hobbit?
13:25because he's neither tall nor immortal
13:27and none of us could be the flash
13:30well whatever
13:31why don't you go hop off on a quest
13:33talking to Penny here
13:34I think we're all talking to Penny here
13:37I'm not
13:37no offense
13:39okay maybe he didn't hear me
13:41go away
13:42all right Kurt
13:42be nice
13:43oh I am being nice
13:45right little buddy
13:47Kurt
13:48okay
13:50I understand
13:51your impulse to try to physically intimidate me
13:54I mean you can't compete with me
13:55on an intellectual level
13:57and so you're driven to animalistic puffery
13:59calling me a puffy animal?
14:02of course not
14:04no he's not
14:04you're not right Leonard?
14:07no
14:07I said animalistic
14:09I mean of course we're all animals
14:11but some of us have climbed a little higher
14:13on the evolutionary tree
14:14if he understands that
14:15you're in trouble
14:16so what?
14:18I'm unevolved?
14:19you're in trouble
14:21I know you use a lot of big words
14:23for such a little dwarf
14:24okay Kurt
14:25please
14:26Penny it's okay
14:27I can handle this
14:29I am not a dwarf
14:30I'm a hobbit
14:32a hobbit
14:33are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus
14:36preventing the conversion
14:37from short term to long term memory?
14:41okay now you're starting to make me mad
14:45a homo habilis
14:46discovering his opposable thumb
14:47says what?
14:49what?
14:55I think I've made my point
14:57yeah?
14:58how about to make a point
14:59out of your pointy little head
15:00let me remind you
15:01while my moral support is absolute
15:03in a physical confrontation
15:04I will be less than useless
15:06there's not going to be
15:07a confrontation
15:08in fact
15:09I doubt if he can even spell
15:11confrontation
15:12oh
15:14c-o-n
15:18confrontation
15:19Kurt put him down this instant
15:21he started it
15:23I don't care
15:23I'm finishing it
15:24put him down
15:26fine
15:29you're one lucky little leprechaun
15:33he's a hobbit
15:35I got your back
15:38Leonard are you okay?
15:39yeah no I'm fine
15:43it's good it's a good party
15:45thanks for having me
15:45it's just getting a little late
15:47so
15:48okay
15:49all right well thank you for coming
15:54happy Halloween
15:59if it's any consolation
16:00I thought that homo habilis line
16:02really put him in his place
16:13what's that?
16:14tea
16:16when people are upset
16:18the cultural convention
16:19is to bring them hot beverages
16:27there there
16:31you want to talk about it?
16:33no
16:34good
16:36there there was really all I had
16:39good night Sheldon
16:41good night Leonard
16:49hey Leonard
16:50hi Penny
16:51hey
16:52just wanted to make sure you're okay
16:53I'm fine
16:56look I am so sorry about what happened
16:59but it's not your fault
17:01yes it is
17:02that's why I broke up with him
17:04he always does stuff like that
17:07so why was he at your party?
17:11well
17:12I ran into him last week
17:14and he was just all apologetic
17:16about how he's changed
17:18and he was just going on and on
17:19and I believed him
17:21and I'm an idiot
17:22because I always believe guys like that
17:24and I can't go back to my party
17:27because he's there
17:28and I know you don't want to hear this
17:29and I'm upset
17:29and I'm really drunk
17:30and I just want to go
17:41there there
17:46God what is wrong with me?
17:48nothing you're perfect
17:49I'm not perfect
17:51yes you are
17:55you really think so
17:56don't you?
18:12honey
18:13yeah
18:15how much of you had to drink tonight?
18:20just a lot
18:24are you sure that you're being drunk
18:26and you're being angry with Kurt
18:28doesn't have something to do with what's going on here?
18:32it might
18:36well you're really smart
18:38yeah I'm a freaking genius
18:46Leonard you are so great
18:47why can't all guys be like you?
18:51because if all guys were like me
18:52the human race couldn't survive
18:58I should probably go
19:00probably
19:09thank you
19:23that's right
19:24you saw what you saw
19:28that's how we roll in the Shire
19:38coming
19:44have you seen Kuthor Pauly?
19:46he's not here
19:48maybe the Avengers summoned him
19:52it's not the Marvel Comics story
19:54he's the original Norse god
19:55thank you for the clarification
19:57I'm supposed to give him a ride home
19:59I'm sure he'll be fine
20:00he has his hammer
20:08I have to say
20:11you are an amazing man
20:13you're gentle
20:15and passionate
20:17and my god
20:19you are such a good listener
20:22you are such a good listener
20:22even miejsc
20:23I love you
20:24I love you
20:28I love you
20:37I love you
20:41I love you
20:44I love you
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