00:00Cis
00:14There you go, Rodders
00:16All right, champ
00:19Oh, they're taking Cassandra away on a little holiday to Greece, are you?
00:22Yeah, thinking, being the operative word
00:26That's very near the place that I went about four years ago
00:28Horrible, it was
00:29Oh, dear, yeah
00:31Mosquitoes the size of sparrows
00:34They showed up on radar
00:36And the place we stayed at, oh, dear
00:38The room was never swept, the food was diabolical
00:41And the sheets, they weren't changed from one week to the next
00:44You should have gone self-catering
00:46We did
00:48And Uncle Flitland, he went and got a tummy bug
00:51Dashing to the car seat every five minutes
00:53Yeah, all right, I'll get a picture
00:54And then Raquel was frightened that Damien might catch it
01:00So, when are you thinking of booking your holiday, then?
01:03Yeah, we're not going to book the holiday
01:05Me and Cass sat down last night and worked out our finances
01:09Well, what's happened to your wages?
01:11My wages?
01:12I usually blow them on a don of kebab on the way home
01:15I meant your combined wages, didn't I?
01:18I mean, Cassandra, like she earns well, doesn't she?
01:20We've got to pay the mortgage on our flat
01:22The loan on Cassie's car
01:23Rates, life insurance, pensions, heating, food and clothing
01:27That's what I mean, you waste it
01:31Listen to me though, I had a thought last week
01:34Oh, you should have said something, we'd have had a little celebration
01:37Don't you get sarky with me, Rodney
01:39This financial situation ain't all my doing
01:43But I have thought of a way of bringing some serious money in
01:48Modelling
01:51Modelling?
01:52What's this?
01:54Photographic modelling
01:55Clothes, you know, that sort of thing
01:56For magazines and maybe, what, even the telly?
02:00No, not us do, you dipstick
02:04Albert?
02:06Oh, for God's sake
02:07What could that old Duffer be?
02:09Captain Birdseye's stuntman
02:11What do you think, Damien?
02:17Well, I don't think that's a very good idea, Del
02:19Why not?
02:20He's a good-looking kid and these model agencies
02:22They're desperate for little chavis to do adverts
02:25Like Smarties and all that
02:27Just think, Rodders
02:28This time next year
02:31His little face could be on every television set in the country
02:35I don't think it's right
02:39You know, parents pushing kids into show business
02:42I wouldn't be pushing him, would I?
02:44It's in his blood
02:44I mean, you know, look at Raquel
02:47What about her?
02:48Well, she was in show business, weren't she?
02:49She was a stripper grand
02:52Once, Rodney, just once
02:54What I'm trying to say is
02:55It's unfair to force Damien to do something he might not want to do
02:59I mean, when he's older, he might choose to take up modelling
03:02He might even enjoy it
03:03But it would be his decision
03:06You think the world of that little boy, don't you?
03:12Well, yeah, I can tell that you do
03:14Because I can see it in your eyes
03:16Yeah
03:17There you are, you lucky damey
03:19You've got an uncle who loves you nearly as much as your mummy and daddy
03:24So, anyway, we're still stuck in your son's potless situation, aren't we?
03:27You two don't know when you're well off
03:29Oh, God
03:31During the war
03:32Oh, God
03:33I saw a real hardship
03:36Refugees, entire families had lost their homes
03:38And didn't know where their baby's next meal were coming from
03:42Same thing's happening today
03:43You think you're all right up, Rodney
03:46Well, think about Africa
03:48What are you talking about?
03:49I mean, if he can't afford to go to Greece
03:51He certainly can't afford to go to Africa
03:53Oh, Joe, I think he means
03:55You know, all the starving people in Africa
03:59Oh, yeah
04:01Yeah, that's right
04:02We never really think about that, do we?
04:06Well
04:06Well, once a year when it comes on the telly
04:08I mean
04:10Well, you know, we think we're hard up
04:12But
04:13We've got a roof over our head, don't we?
04:15And we eat every day
04:18It's what I've always said, Rodney
04:19One man's floor is another man's ceiling
04:24We couldn't help them people back in 1941
04:27Because we didn't have anything ourselves
04:29But times have changed
04:32I'd love to be able to just open a door
04:35And walk back into 1941
04:38How can anyone just walk back to 1941?
04:41I'm stupid
04:44Yeah, all right
04:45Good night, sweetheart
04:47Yeah
04:51Stupid Albert
04:51I mean, I'm not a detective inspector
04:53But even I can work that one out
05:03Well, I'll be perfectly honest with you
05:04We don't know how to end this scene
05:07Yeah, you see, we conjure
05:09This isn't really only fools and horses
05:11We are working for Comic Relief
05:13And what we would like to say
05:15At this Pacific moment in time
05:17Is give us some dosh
05:19Well, I mean, send it to Comic Relief
05:22Not literally to us
05:23Leave this to me, Will, you, Rodney
05:26You could start Trotter Relief
05:29Everything would go towards charity
05:32Yes, but would any of it actually arrive?
05:36For the last ten years
05:38Comic Relief has been helping the poorest people in Africa
05:41But they also support projects all over the UK
05:44They're helping old people who are living below the poverty line
05:47Yeah, homeless youngsters living on the streets
05:50Or whose lives have been buggered up by drugs or booze
05:52Women and little ones who are being hurt by people who drink too much
05:56And loads and loads of other brilliant projects
05:58Right across the plectrum
06:02May we?
06:05And, unlike Dell's Ukrainian compact disc player
06:09It works
06:10Tonight, we have the chance to improve someone else's life
06:15So, please
06:16Go to your bank
06:17Or your building society
06:18Yeah
06:19Or give us a bell on
06:220345 460 460
06:24And
06:25Give us some dosh
06:26You know it makes sense
