00:14Have you got that thing working yet?
00:17How do you know where they're on?
00:19Well, I don't know, do I?
00:21He's like David Bailey, isn't he?
00:23David Bailey.
00:25More like David Bailey.
00:28I think he's working now, Del.
00:30Oh right, come on in, come and get in the shop then.
00:33That's it, stand there.
00:34All right, attention.
00:44Good evening, chaps.
00:47This is Derek Trotter talking to you from a secret location
00:50somewhere in southern England.
00:52He's high with him.
00:53He's high with him.
00:57You dipstick, Rodney.
00:59Why do you want to go and tell him where we are for?
01:01He's supposed to be secret.
01:02I mean, suppose in this video he falls into the wrong head.
01:05Salomon might be watching this in his bunk or in Baghdad.
01:08Well, he won't be able to make Edna tell of what Del's doing then, will he?
01:12I mean, even when he orders a mutton vindaloo, it causes major confusion.
01:16There you go, Dave.
01:18There may be an officer over there who's called major confusion.
01:22Oh, don't be such a joke.
01:23All right, all right.
01:25I reckon we ought to put all this on microfilm.
01:28That's a good idea, son.
01:32So, as I was saying, here we are with all the wives and the girlfriends.
01:39There they are.
01:41Some of the wives have been at the Duboni, I reckon.
01:44Anyway, as I was saying, here we are at this top-secret location.
01:49It's not High Wycombe, it just looks not High Wycombe.
01:52Corb, nothing.
01:55Corb, I've just said, haven't I, you dozy old wonk.
01:58I've just said this is supposed to be a top-secret location.
02:03Well, sorry, where was I?
02:04Sorry.
02:05Sorry.
02:06As I was saying, here we are at High Wycombe.
02:08Oh, blimey.
02:09Now look what you made me do.
02:10You made me do it now.
02:11Look at me back the top.
02:13It's a stupid idea, anyway.
02:15Who ever heard of sending a three-wheeled van to war?
02:19Well, that's the whole idea, isn't it, Rodney, eh?
02:21Because they won't suspect nothing, will they?
02:23Because this is nippy, this van, you know.
02:25For whizzing and out of them old sand dudes.
02:28Do you know this thing can go underneath a camel
02:30and it would never know that it's been there
02:32until it's smelt a whiff of the old exhaust?
02:35Oh, it'll get a whiff of exhaust, all right.
02:37If they think 500 burning oil wells is bad news,
02:40could you wait till this thing arrives?
02:44Rodney, there's a finely tuned thoroughbred engine lurking
02:50beneath this bonnet de luce.
02:51I'll leave it ourselves.
02:53Half the people on our estate have got bronchitis because of this van.
02:57No, it's just burning a bit of carbon, that's all.
03:01This, I'll tell you, this is the Concorde of three-wheel vans.
03:06The trouble with you, Rodney, is that you don't know how to drive it.
03:10That is the problem.
03:11You see, this van is like, it's like a woman, you see.
03:16You've got to, you know, you've got to, you know,
03:21you've got to turn out a caressing, you know.
03:24You've got to try to use a bit of the old gentle persuasion.
03:29You know what I mean?
03:30I'm saying nothing.
03:33Yeah, I suppose it does remind me a bit of your expert still.
03:36You know, drinks too much, makes funny noises,
03:39and he's old enough to know better.
03:40Yes, it's all right.
03:42Thank you very much.
03:43Thank you, Rodney.
03:43Do you mind if we get on now?
03:48Right, now listen, lads,
03:49I'm sending you this three-wheel van
03:52packed to the gunnels with goodies.
03:54Ooh, that's a nice gesture, Bill.
03:56Yeah, well, I'm a nice sort of person, can't I?
03:59And I'm selling them to you at knock-down prices.
04:01Now, what else, eh?
04:02You are actually selling stuff to our troops in the gunnels.
04:05At knock-down prices, Rodney.
04:09All right?
04:10Now, General Peter the Billiard,
04:12he will be collecting the dosh as he's on 10%.
04:15So there you go.
04:16You're going to get a bargain of a lifetime.
04:17I'm doing my bit for King and Country.
04:19Everyone's a winner.
04:20Vents a tear, as they say in Saint-Tropez.
04:24No, seriously, though, boys,
04:26we just wanted to say from us, the trotters,
04:29all the people back here in the UK,
04:31we're very proud of what you've done.
04:32Yeah.
04:32I know you've worked hard,
04:34we can't wait for you to come back here safe and sound
04:35to eat and buy us all the pints.
04:38Anyway, well done.
04:39God bless you.
04:40Oh, and don't worry about the wives or girlfriends.
04:43We'll look after them for you.
04:45Safe in our hands.
04:46Yeah, you know it makes sense.
04:50Hey, Del.
04:50Yeah?
04:50Shall we finish it like one of them news reports?
04:53Yeah, go on then, if you want.
04:54Go on then.
04:54Right.
04:54That's good.
04:56This is Rodney Trotter.
04:58News at...
04:59What's this thing?
04:59Del, this thing still can't work, you know.
05:01That doesn't matter, but...
05:02Go, just carry on, will you?
05:03Go on.
05:04Fire Command, High Wycombe.
05:06And very soon, from the nearest pub.
05:08Yay!
05:08Yay!
