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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only fools and horses work?
01:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
01:02What's your deal, boy?
01:09All right, Cheek.
01:10No, Dave.
01:12Yeah, he's on his way down later.
01:13He's bringing that bird of his.
01:15What's her name?
01:15Cassandra.
01:16He's getting a bit serious, isn't he?
01:18No, girls always blow him out after a couple of weeks.
01:20That boy's been blown out more times than a windsock.
01:22Don't look now, but you see the bloke at the bar with a bow tie.
01:29I said don't look now.
01:30Who, Arnie?
01:31Yeah, Arnie.
01:32Do you know much about him?
01:33Oh, not a lot.
01:34He only moved to the area a few weeks ago.
01:37He seems a nice bloke, though.
01:39He's a retired jewellery dealer, isn't he?
01:41Yeah, that's what you told me.
01:42He's retired early, though, isn't he?
01:44Perhaps he made enough, Del.
01:45Why?
01:46You lining something up, then?
01:47Well, that's a fellow, Trigg.
01:49It's just that I've been, you know, having a few drinks and chats with him over the last
01:53couple of weeks, and he lets slip that even though he's retired, he still likes to do
01:57a bit of private business, you know, all the cash and confidentiality, just enough to
02:02keep the old tax man at bay.
02:04So I thought I might give him a shove, you know, see what I can pick up.
02:07I heard your firm was broke.
02:10You know me, Trigg.
02:10I'm a businessman.
02:11I've always got a little bit pugged away for emergencies.
02:14Anyway, who told you that we was broke, Dave?
02:16Ah, you don't want to take any notice of him.
02:18He's only my financial advisor.
02:19What does he know?
02:21God, look at these cards, Trigg.
02:23I'm never going to get anywhere at this rate.
02:26Try these.
02:27Trigg, you can't do...
02:29Yeah, pay me.
02:35Oh, here you go.
02:37How's it going?
02:38Oh, hello, Arnie.
02:39Didn't spot you, Dan.
02:41I've only been in about five minutes.
02:42Yeah.
02:43Most of that time spent all that doorman.
02:46Motto, whatever his name is.
02:47Yeah?
02:48What's up with him, then?
02:49Oh, nothing.
02:50It's just, you know, I'm not a member, so...
02:52I usually drop in a few quid to get in,
02:54and tonight the price has suddenly gone up 30%.
02:56Still plenty of money, isn't it?
02:58Yeah.
02:59Well, listen, if you get yourself a membership form,
03:01I'll set in you if you like.
03:02Are you really?
03:03Yeah.
03:03It's very nice of you, Dale.
03:04It's always.
03:05I stand there for you.
03:07They pay 19s, you're laughing.
03:09No, that's not my style, Arnie.
03:10Not my style.
03:11Well, he who dares wins.
03:16Fancy a drink?
03:20Evening, Otto.
03:21Evening, Mr Grayson.
03:22How's business?
03:23Well, I've just gone into voluntary liquidation.
03:26Again.
03:27Oh, congratulations, sir.
03:29Thank you, Otto.
03:30Good luck tonight, Mr Grayson.
03:32Evening, Otto.
03:41Cassandra, I'm just going to have a word with the doorman.
03:45Is there a problem, Otto?
03:47Members only.
03:48Oh, I am a member.
03:49Where's your membership card?
03:51Um, well, I appear to have left it at home.
03:55If you give me 20 quid, I'll let you in free.
03:59No, I'm a member.
04:00Sir, I've been a member for about five years or so.
04:03I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to leave, sir.
04:06Where would you like to land?
04:08Come on.
04:09What's the...
04:10Oh, it's all right.
04:10Otto is the old boy's brother.
04:12Is that right?
04:13Yeah, honest.
04:14Oh.
04:16All right, then.
04:16In that case, have a nice evening, sir.
04:24He's a laugh, old Otto.
04:26I don't know.
04:30So the gravedigger says to the vicar,
04:33Well, I've got to have somewhere to park me bike.
04:37That would be horrible.
04:38I'll see you in a minute, Ollie.
04:44Hello, hello, hello, hello.
04:46Oh, Cassandra, this is my brother Derek.
04:48And, Del, this is Cassandra.
04:50Hello, Cassandra.
04:50Very pleased to meet you.
04:52Rodney has told me all about you.
04:54Don't worry, I'll try not to shout it all about.
04:57That's very kind of you, Derek.
04:59Rodney's told me all about you as well.
05:01Oh.
05:01Although I must admit, I didn't believe him.
05:03Until now.
05:08I like her.
05:09I like her.
05:09Yeah.
05:10Yeah, well, shall we sit down, Cass?
05:12Can I get you drinks where you are?
05:13Just a Coke and ice, please.
05:14I'm driving.
05:15Right, okay.
05:15Hey, Rodney, you?
05:16Uh, non-alcoholic lager top, mate.
05:18Oh, hey.
05:29So, what line of work are you in, Cassandra?
05:31I work for a bank.
05:32Oh, really?
05:33Tell me, do they do loans?
05:36Why don't you leave Cassandra alone?
05:38No, no, that's all right.
05:39I'm only being polite.
05:40They do arrange loans, according to status, of course.
05:43It's you out then, doesn't it?
05:46I don't actually work on that side of things.
05:49I'm in overseas investment.
05:50Bill does a bit of that.
05:52Albanian watches, Turkish raincoats, that sort of thing.
05:55Would you like me to go and tell Otto what you called him just now?
06:00Rodney tells me your dad's in business.
06:02Yes, he's got his own printing workshop.
06:04Oh, yeah?
06:05I thought it was actually a family business, passed on, sort of.
06:07No, there was no silver spoon involved.
06:09He used to live on a council estate around this area.
06:12Oh, really?
06:13How about to know him?
06:14Oh, God.
06:15Oh, no, no, what's his name?
06:17Parry.
06:17Alan Parry.
06:18Parry.
06:18Alan Parry.
06:20Yes, a little fella.
06:21One brown eye, one blue eye, talks with a squint, walks with a stutter.
06:25That's it.
06:27Listen, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds.
06:32And just remember, Cassandra, Rodney tells me everything.
06:35Thanks for the warning.
06:36Yeah.
06:37I'm sorry about him, Cass.
06:42Why are you apologising?
06:43I think he's lovely.
06:46Bell?
06:47Yeah.
06:48He makes me laugh.
06:49Well, yeah, he's all right, I suppose.
06:54At times.
06:57Well, I'd better make a move.
06:59I've got to be up early for work in the morning.
07:02I'll be glad when I'm retired like you, Arnie.
07:04Yeah, you can't beat it, Trigger.
07:06Drag yourself out of bed about 11 o'clock, just in time to relax for the rest of the day.
07:10You retired a bit early, though, didn't you, Arnie?
07:13I thought you jewellery dealers were making so much bunts, you carried on till you dropped.
07:17Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
07:18Really?
07:20Keeled over on the floor one day.
07:21Tick of trouble.
07:22What a stress of business.
07:24Doctors gave me six months to live.
07:28Oh, yeah.
07:29Oh, yeah, well.
07:30Yeah, well, you don't want to take too much notice of these doctors, Arnie.
07:34They'll say anything to get rid of you.
07:35That's his private.
07:36No, you take that Georgie Collis.
07:38I mean, they only gave him six months to live.
07:40He was gutted when he drinks.
07:41Well upset.
07:42Yeah, then they discovered, of course, they only mixed up his records with another bloke's.
07:46Yeah, but the other bloke only had three months to live.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Yeah, I know, I know that trick.
07:53It's not the point, though, is it?
07:54I was just trying to say to Arnie is that these doctors can make mistakes.
07:57No, no, look, you don't understand.
07:58The doctor said I didn't have long to go unless I changed my lifestyle.
08:02That's exactly what I did.
08:04Gave up all the boozing and fangs.
08:05Started doing little things I hadn't done for years.
08:09Walking, breathing some decent air.
08:12Have you any idea of the kind of damage that alcohol and nicotine does to your heart?
08:20Something in there?
08:22No, thanks, bro.
08:22I'll just have a mineral water.
08:25Arnie?
08:26Mineral water for me too, son.
08:27Yeah, nothing for me, Dave.
08:28I'm off.
08:30I'll see you around then.
08:31Yeah, see you, Drake.
08:31Yeah, but the most important thing I ever did, Derrick, the thing that changed my life
08:35was getting out of the business, getting away from all that stress.
08:39I mean, you might not believe this.
08:41I used to be taught.
08:43Really?
08:43What were you learning then?
08:47Tide, nervous tension.
08:48Oh, taught, taught.
08:49You mean, oh, like, yeah, oh, that's what you've got away from all that now.
08:52I've got my little house.
08:54I've got my wife, Pat, lovely, caring woman.
08:56I've got my boys, Gary and...
08:58What more could a man ask of?
09:01Yeah.
09:02And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
09:08Cheers, bro.
09:12You still do a bit, though, don't you?
09:15Well, occasionally, with the right sort of person.
09:18Basically, I'm just getting rid of stuff I had left with.
09:21All right, well, just don't forget, you know, I am a trader.
09:24Interested in jewellery?
09:26I'm interested in anything, Arnie.
09:29And you don't mind if it's arrived on the market via an unorthodox route?
09:32Well, of course not.
09:33I do understand that some things have a tendency to, you know, float out of factory windows.
09:37I mean, it's just mother nature, aren't you?
09:40Are you in a hurry?
09:41I've got all the time in the world, Arnie.
09:43Will you meet me in the back of the car park in an hour's time?
09:46Yeah, of course you do.
09:49Might be long.
09:54Lovely jubbly.
09:58Well, good night, Del.
10:02Lovely meeting you.
10:03And you too, sweetheart.
10:04But don't forget, I won't say a word.
10:07I'll see you in a little while.
10:10Wait, Rodney, where do you think you're going?
10:13Cassandra's giving me a lift home.
10:15Ah, it's all right.
10:15Don't bother yourself, sweetheart.
10:16We've got the van here.
10:21Excuse me one moment while I go and kill him.
10:23What do you think you're playing at, Derek?
10:30I told you I got a bit of a deal going down here in a little while.
10:34Yeah, and I told you I don't want nothing to do with it.
10:36I know you did.
10:38But I got to meet that Arnie in the back of the car park there.
10:40It's nice and dark.
10:42Now, I've only just recently met the geezer, so I don't know what I'm walking into.
10:45So I would appreciate a bit of a backup, all right?
10:47Yeah, but I wanted to say goodnight to Cassandra.
10:52Go on, then.
10:53Say goodnight.
10:54Do you get back here a bit lively?
10:56No, I meant...
10:59Oh, bloody hell.
11:04Oh, give me a couple of minutes.
11:13What's happening?
11:15I'm going to have to drive to Delheim.
11:16He's drunk.
11:18He doesn't look drunk.
11:20No, no.
11:21That's a bad sign with him.
11:23He hides it well, you see.
11:26But I tell you, you could push him over with just one little finger.
11:29He fall flat on his face.
11:32It's a problem of his I've had to live with since I was a little kid.
11:36How sad.
11:37Yeah, I know.
11:38It's tragic.
11:41Still, never mind, eh?
11:42Blimey, let the poor girl up for air.
12:01Sorry.
12:03Do you fancy coming out for a meal on Thursday?
12:05I thought I told you I'm on a week's training course.
12:12Yeah, well, you must be able to get a few hours off.
12:15Oh, yes.
12:16And if you fancy flying over to Guernsey, I'd love to have dinner with you.
12:18Guernsey?
12:20You've got to go all the way over to Guernsey.
12:22Yes.
12:23I did ask Guernsey if it would like to come to me, but it refused point blank.
12:26I've heard about these company training courses.
12:29They're just an excuse for loads of people to have an orgy.
12:31Really?
12:33Please be serious for one moment, Cassandra.
12:36Look, Rodney, if what you've heard is true,
12:39and all these perfectly staid and boring people
12:41suddenly hurl themselves into a pit of carnal abandon,
12:44it doesn't mean I have to join in, does it?
12:47No, I suppose not.
12:48No, suppose about it.
12:51No, I'm sorry, you're right.
12:54Of course I'm right.
12:56I mean, I'll take my whip, just in case.
13:00I'll phone you.
13:01I'll phone you as well.
13:03Better make sure we don't phone at the same time,
13:05otherwise we'll both be engaged.
13:13I love you.
13:15Do you?
13:18And I...
13:20I don't have a nice time, will you?
13:36I'll try not to.
13:36Here.
13:57What were you doing with that girl?
14:00I was saying goodnight.
14:01Saying goodnight?
14:02She had her head in your mouth at one point.
14:06You knew he was watching.
14:07Well, I couldn't do anything else.
14:08Last time I saw anything like that was in a circus.
14:11You saucy...
14:13What's up?
14:15I've got a tickle in me throat.
14:17It's probably got her wig stuck in it.
14:22You know that?
14:25Hop in the back.
14:27Go on, get in the back, Rodney.
14:28Go on, get in the back.
14:29Sorry I'm a bit late.
14:41It's all right, Arnie, no problem.
14:45Open that.
14:53Sheesh.
14:55What'd you do, mad Mr. T?
14:56There's 20, 50 chains there.
15:0018-karat gold.
15:02I've used to go to some poncy Bond Street shop.
15:05Yeah, there's plenty of mark-up.
15:08They've won 200 quid for each of those.
15:11It's £50,000 sitting there.
15:1450?
15:14Great.
15:16Here, wait a minute.
15:18This ain't a result of some raid, is it?
15:20No, no, nothing like that.
15:23No, no, look, six months ago, a client of mine asked me if I could get hold of these sort of things for him for the right price.
15:29Do you know Maxi Stavros?
15:32No, I don't.
15:33Oh, you're lucky.
15:34Well, he's a nice enough guy.
15:35So, when it comes to money...
15:36Anyway, we agreed on a price.
15:38And he was going to pay me 25 grand.
15:41And he's got all these contacts in the States, you see.
15:44This sort of thing sells really well over there.
15:46With the English hallmarks.
15:47Tallmarks, Yanks love all that.
15:49Anyway, I acquired the goods.
15:52I haven't heard from him since.
15:54You could sue him for breach of contract.
15:58You listen to it, will you?
16:01There's no contract between friends.
16:04It's a man's word, handshake, gentleman's agreement.
16:07Anyway, Mr Stavros is not the sort of man you'd want to sue.
16:11He's never let me down before, so I suppose he's got troubles.
16:14But then so have I.
16:15I can't wait any longer.
16:17I'm going to have to let these go at half the wholesale price.
16:20That's 50 quid each.
16:23Yeah, well...
16:25I mean, what's the catch?
16:26I mean, you said they came via an unorthodox route.
16:30Yeah.
16:31Didn't pay the VAT.
16:32I mean, I assumed that they were for retail outside the European community
16:39and therefore would not be liable to VAT.
16:43I lumbered with them.
16:45So what do you reckon?
16:47You still interested?
16:48Yeah, yeah, I'm interested, yeah.
16:51Well, yeah, I'll take two.
16:53Two?
16:54No, I'm all right.
16:57I'm three.
17:00I'm not running a corner shop, Del.
17:03I'm a dealer, buy and sell jewellery in bulk.
17:07Ain't no lot or none at all.
17:09Yeah, no.
17:11No, no, I know that.
17:12No, it's just that I mean, I'll take two or three examples to show my clients.
17:16Oh.
17:18Twelve and a half grand in cash and they're all yours.
17:22Yeah, well, I don't think I've got that sort of money on me at the moment, Arnie.
17:29Yeah, I can wait.
17:31Look, you sell those around the pubs and the clubs,
17:33the worst you do is double your money.
17:37I'll take them.
17:38Twelve and a thousand pounds!
17:41Subject to a surveyor's report, of course.
17:43Oh, of course.
17:46Yeah.
17:47Okay, then, listen, do you know the nags out of Peckham?
17:50No, I'll find it.
17:51Right, well, I'll see you there tomorrow at one o'clock.
17:53Okay.
17:55And look after it for me, won't you?
18:10You kicked me?
18:11Yes, that's because you've got a big mouth, Rodney.
18:14You nearly gave Arnie the impression that we were small time.
18:17If I can just pull this off, Rodney, I will double my investment.
18:20Del, where are you going to get twelve and a half thousand pounds?
18:22Well, there's Boise, he's got a lot of money, likes a gamble.
18:28Mike, down in the exit, he knows a bargain when he sees one.
18:31Yeah, I put together a little consortium.
18:33What, you mean just hand the whole deal over to them?
18:35No, no, no, no.
18:36I've got some money to put in.
18:37No deal.
18:38Don't you remember what I told you the other day?
18:40Our partnership is virtually broke.
18:42No, Rodney, our partnership is potless.
18:45What I mean is I've got some money to put in.
18:47You've?
18:47How much?
18:51Oh, no, it's not a lot, no.
18:53It's just, you know, what, four grand.
18:56Four thousand pounds?
18:58That's more than that's for.
18:59That's more like a bleeding, I'm a scridge egg.
19:01Where'd you get that from?
19:03No, it's just been money I've been saving up over the years.
19:06Little bit here, little bit there, you know, soon builds up.
19:08You conning git.
19:10No, no, you could have done the same thing.
19:12Don't talk to me.
19:13No, you could have done.
19:14Oh, you could.
19:15Mum said to me on her deathbed, she said,
19:16Del, boy, no, she did, she said,
19:18you make sure that...
19:19You're back early, I thought you'd still be at the airport.
19:28No, the plane got off on time.
19:29Where's Del?
19:30Well, him and Arnie and the rest of the consortium
19:33have gone down to do it and had them chains examined.
19:36Arrested a consortium?
19:38How many's in it?
19:39Well, there's Del, there's Trigger,
19:41there's Mike, there's that fellow Boisey, and there's me.
19:43Of course, there could be more by now.
19:45What's he playing at?
19:46He's gone a bit public, hasn't he?
19:48I've just been down to post office and got my savings out.
19:52Pity you weren't interested, Rodney.
19:54You could have made yourself a nice few, Bob.
19:56Well, yeah, I suppose I could have.
19:58Ah, but the thing is, you see,
19:59them chains are part of a VAT rip-off, haven't they?
20:02I know.
20:03That's why they're so cheap.
20:04Yeah, do you want a party, son?
20:06No, I don't want nothing.
20:08What's wrong?
20:09Nothing.
20:10Everything's fine.
20:11Look, you've got her hotel number.
20:13Give her a call.
20:14No way.
20:15She was supposed to phone me at 12.30, and look.
20:19Nah, she's probably having a drink and a laugh with all them yuppie salts from the bank.
20:24She might be in bed, Rodney.
20:26Eh?
20:26I mean, sleeping off the jet lag.
20:30Jet lag?
20:31She's only gone to Guernsey.
20:35So what did you all say?
20:37They're pucker hunk.
20:38They are the real McCoy.
20:41Solid gold.
20:4218 carats.
20:44Top class workmanship, just like Arnie said.
20:46Oh, we'll double our money on these, have no fear.
20:49Very shrewd move of yours, Rodney, you know, not to get involved in this deal.
20:53Shut up, sir.
20:55Here they come.
20:56Come on, lads.
20:56Come on.
20:57Come on.
20:57Come in.
20:58That's it.
20:58Let's have a little celebration drink, shall we?
21:01I think we should discuss the matter in private before we celebrate.
21:04I don't like being premature.
21:06No, Marlene said something about that the other day.
21:08I hope you don't mind, Arnie, but I and the consortium would like to have a little board
21:18meeting.
21:19No, no, of course not, no.
21:20Well, perhaps you'd like to wait in reception.
21:24Well, I hear the kitchen here, Arnie, you know.
21:26Have some tea.
21:27Help yourself.
21:27There's plenty of egg mayonnaise and tomatoes in the fridge.
21:29No, that's okay.
21:30Thanks very much.
21:31I think I would prefer it if the gold stayed in the room with us.
21:35That's all right, Mr Boyce.
21:36I'd like to keep an eye on it as well.
21:38Well, so, um, if I leave it here, then we can both see it, all right?
21:44Perfect.
21:46Thanks very much, Arnie.
21:47Thanks a lot.
21:49What is the matter with you?
21:51You're giving Arnie the impression they don't trust him or something.
21:53And he wouldn't be far wrong, would he?
21:55I don't even know the man.
21:56Well, he seems a decent enough fellow to me, Boycey.
21:59That's right, that's right.
22:00He's a solid bloke, right?
22:01I can vouch for him.
22:02Well, he's played it straight down the line with us.
22:04He said those chains were worth 25k, and we've just had it confirmed by an independent jeweller.
22:09So what more do you want?
22:10I want to know how he can afford to sell them at 50% less than our wholesale price.
22:15Because he bought them a long time ago when the price of gold was down.
22:19Plus, he didn't bother to tell those very nice people down at the VAT office.
22:24All right.
22:28Here is my seven grand.
22:31Good.
22:32Good.
22:32Well done, Boycey.
22:33Good boy.
22:33Good boy.
22:34Come on in, Michael.
22:34Let's see you.
22:35A thousand.
22:36That's it.
22:36Good.
22:36Come on.
22:37I've been a bit strapped recently, Del.
22:39I could only get 274 pounds.
22:44My Aunt Reen had to pawn her necklace for that.
22:47Yeah, it's all right, Trig.
22:47Don't worry.
22:48Don't worry, mate.
22:48We'll double your money for you.
22:50Come on, Albert.
22:50Did you go down to the post office?
22:51I didn't get as much as I thought, son.
22:53I only got 189 pounds, 26 new P.
22:57Oh, God.
22:57I thought you said that you had over 200 quid odds.
22:59I know.
23:00I miscalculated the interest.
23:02That means we are 36 pounds and 24 pence short of the target.
23:06Not anymore, you're not.
23:10You can count me in.
23:13Oh, thank God for the great Gatsby here.
23:17Right.
23:18Arnie.
23:18Arnie, come on.
23:19The board meeting's over.
23:21And have you reached an executive decision?
23:22Yes, yes, we have.
23:23We have.
23:24It's the deal.
23:25The deal is on.
23:25It's on.
23:26It's on.
23:26It's on.
23:26A relief.
23:27I can't stand any more of that tea.
23:31Yes.
23:31This, gentlemen, is yours.
23:36And here is the old do-re-me.
23:39Oh, look at that.
23:41Isn't that sweet?
23:42Reminds me of holidays in County Donegal.
23:45Oh, is that a paddy ten pence piece?
23:47I'll change that for you.
23:48Don't worry.
23:49I won't bother counting.
23:51I trust you.
23:52That's right.
23:53Good.
23:53Well, we've all got to learn to trust each other, Arnie.
23:57Don't worry about boys.
23:58He's just got his funny little ways.
24:00You ask his missus.
24:02Oh, that reminds me.
24:04Do you mind if I phone the wife?
24:05Yeah, sure.
24:06No problem.
24:06No problem.
24:07Here, I'll get the phone for you.
24:09Here.
24:09What about that drink then, chav?
24:11Celebration drink?
24:11Oh, you'll stay for one, won't you, Arnie?
24:12Yeah, a quick one, Del.
24:13Right.
24:14Mineral water, something like that.
24:15Okay, good boys.
24:16Oh, Rodney, whip out there into the fridge in the kitchen with you.
24:19Get the beers.
24:20Well, seeing as there's a special occasion, I think I'll have a little drop of that port.
24:24Yeah, same here, Del.
24:25I'll hang on for a beer.
24:26Hey!
24:27Yeah, it's me, love.
24:28Yeah.
24:28See?
24:28No, I don't know what time I'll be back.
24:30Soon as I can drag myself away from this bunch of toe rags.
24:35Don't wait up for him, Pat.
24:36He's probably on a ghost up.
24:37Yeah, she'll think I'm back on the booze.
24:41So, how are things at home, love?
24:42Cheers, Del.
24:43Cheers.
24:44What?
24:46No, I can't meet him, no.
24:48Hang on.
24:51No, love.
24:51No, I haven't got them anymore.
24:54Pat, I would not joke about a thing as serious as this.
24:57I've just this minute sold them to Del and his consortium.
25:00But I don't care how much money he's got.
25:03I'm not getting excited.
25:06All right.
25:07Look, I will meet him.
25:08And I will explain the situation.
25:10All right?
25:10All right, I'll call you.
25:11Everything all right, Arnie?
25:16You know that, um, client of mine I told you about?
25:19Yeah, what, that Mr Stavros, what have you?
25:22Yeah, he's, uh, in London.
25:23He wants to meet me.
25:24For lunch.
25:26Oh.
25:26Oh, you mean he's come to pick up the chains?
25:28Yes, ironic, isn't it?
25:29He's got 25 grand in cash to give me and I've just let him go for 12 and a half.
25:35What's all this about, then?
25:36Well, about six months ago, Arnie made a deal on these chains with some international jeweler mush.
25:42So they weren't yours to sell in the first place?
25:44No, no, they belong to me, no.
25:46Uh, Mr Stavros never actually gave me any money for them.
25:50But he's an odd sort of person.
25:52Once you've shaken on the deal, as far as he's concerned, there is property and now he's come to collect.
25:57Oh, he's given to bouts of mindless violence, isn't he?
25:59Very, very nasty.
26:01He wants a war, we'll give him one, won't we?
26:04No.
26:07I don't like the sound of that.
26:08Oh, don't worry, Albert, there won't be many naval engagements in this one.
26:12Well, look, why don't we just sell the chains back to Arnie?
26:15We have a small profit, of course.
26:17Are you off your trolley?
26:19Well, we'll still be making a bit each, boys.
26:21Well, we could double our money on these things.
26:24Yeah, but Stavros is going to give Arnie a bad time, isn't he?
26:27Well, I don't care if he redecorates Regent Street with Arnie.
26:31This is business.
26:32No, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament, but at the end of the day, it's a bit like Mike's pub grub.
26:38Tough.
26:40I don't believe you sometimes, I just don't believe you.
26:42You call yourself a businessman, you're missing the most important point of the whole situation.
26:47There is a man in London who wants to buy 250 18-carat gold trains from Arnie here.
26:52He is willing to pay £25,000 with cash on the hip, but Arnie doesn't have them anymore.
26:59We do.
27:02So what are you saying, though?
27:07Blimey, give me a piece of chalk, somebody, will you?
27:09What I'm trying to say is, why don't we ask Arnie to keep his luncheon appointment with this man
27:14and sell them chains for us, for which we will give Arnie, what, a two grand for his trouble?
27:20Well, that way Stavros gets the goods at the agreed price.
27:24Arnie gets a deuce in bunts, plus he keeps his kneecaps where nature intended.
27:29And Arnie Saltium gets ten and a half grand profit for doing so at all.
27:33Everyone's a winner.
27:34Après moi, love their luge.
27:36Well, I like the sound of that, Dale.
27:40All right.
27:40Yes, that's not a bad idea, Dale.
27:42Right, now then.
27:44OK, then.
27:45Now then, Arnie, where is this restaurant of yours?
27:48Oh, no, this is a little place off the King's Road, so I'd better get my skates on.
27:52Oh, I think it would be a good idea if we came with you, don't you, Arnie?
27:57Yeah, he's right and all, Arnie.
27:58I mean, you don't want to be walking across the estate with a case full of gold, do you?
28:01Not on your own, anyway.
28:03Fair enough.
28:03Well, let's get going.
28:04We haven't got long.
28:05Yeah, Trig, don't let him out of our sight.
28:07Go on, go on.
28:08Oi, come on, Albert.
28:09Get that down here.
28:09Get in the van.
28:10Come on.
28:10Let's go.
28:15Oh, come on, Cassandra.
28:17Ring.
28:21Right, fine in you, if that's what you think.
28:25I'm a man.
28:33May I help you, sir?
28:35I'm expecting to be Mr. Stavros here with his books.
28:39Mr. Stavros.
28:40Yes, he has put the table.
28:41I'm afraid the gentleman has not arrived yet.
28:43Would you tell me wait at the table?
28:44Yes, sir.
28:45I'll pop the only bit of senior, please.
28:52Yes, gentlemen.
28:54Table for two, please.
28:55Have you booked?
28:55No, we haven't.
28:57I'm afraid we are very crowded at the moment.
28:59This might make a bit of room.
29:00Of course, grazie.
29:03Enrico, numero due per i signori.
29:06Grazie.
29:07Thank you so much.
29:12Cheers.
29:12Cheers.
29:14Mm?
29:16Okay.
29:17Why didn't you sit that side?
29:40Because I wouldn't be able to see Arnie, then.
29:43Why?
29:43What's the matter?
29:45It's like we're both sitting on the same side.
29:49It's all next to each other.
29:54So it might look a bit funny.
29:56What do you mean?
29:58People might think that we're a bit funny.
30:03Why don't you go and sit on the other side, then?
30:06Because I'm going to keep me on Arnie, then.
30:07So do I.
30:08Yes, I know, but it's my consortium.
30:10I put most of the money in.
30:11But it was my idea.
30:17Nice to see you again, sir.
30:19Nice to see you.
30:20Well, there's a kitchen round off the morning.
30:33People will think I've got the woof dis or something.
30:35I can't think what they like.
30:37I've got seven grand sitting up there.
30:38That's all I'm concerned with.
30:39Do you reckon it'll turn by or anything, dear?
30:45I don't care if it does.
30:48No?
30:48No.
30:50This is a fast car.
30:52What's he doing, Rodney?
30:56What do you mean, what's he doing?
30:58You can see what he's doing.
31:00He's sitting in a window there reading a menu.
31:03It's a bit suspicious, isn't it?
31:06What, a bloke sitting in a restaurant reading a menu?
31:08Yeah.
31:09Very iffy.
31:11Could you get me a glass of water, please?
31:12I feel rather hot.
31:13Sir.
31:22Would you care to order now, sir?
31:29Yes, I'd like an ambulance.
31:32An ambulance?
31:33Yes, an ambulance.
31:35I'm not very well.
31:36Yes, sir.
31:36Telephone for an ambulance, presto!
31:49Are you all right, sir?
31:52What's happened?
31:52He's on it.
31:53He's had a connery.
31:54Well, what are we going to do?
31:56I don't know.
31:56I think you have to pump their chests or something.
31:58I'm talking about our bloody money and chains.
32:00We can do now, is there?
32:02My money and my gold ain't going to no National Health Hospital.
32:05The entire kitchen staff will be off to Miami if it does.
32:09What's he going to do?
32:10Watch.
32:13Don't panic.
32:15I am a doctor.
32:18Stand aside.
32:19Stand aside.
32:20Let the dog see the rabbit.
32:22Oh, yes.
32:26Very nasty.
32:27He needs an operation.
32:29He's not a doctor.
32:31He's mugging the poor man.
32:35Hi.
32:36Yeah.
32:36Call the police.
32:44Yes.
32:44Yes, madam.
32:45I call the police.
32:49All right.
32:49There'll be no need.
32:51I am an officer of the law.
32:53I'm a small-town policeman.
32:56I'm a small-town policeman.
33:03Do you get the impression all he's not going according to plan?
33:06Okay, sunshine, you are nicked.
33:12Come on, out you go.
33:14Rest assured, madam, when we get him down the police station, we'll give him a bloody good
33:18hiding.
33:19Hey, come on, you.
33:20Now, come on.
33:21What?
33:22No.
33:23No!
33:29What happened?
33:30He's had a connery.
33:31You mean he's dead?
33:32No, no, he's still alive.
33:34The ambulance got here just in time.
33:35So, where's her money and her gold?
33:40Where do you think it is?
33:41It's in Arnie's hold-all.
33:43Why'd you make us leave the rest-holt?
33:44Because they've just called the old bill.
33:47Arnie's got seven and a half grand of your unlaundered money, plus a case full of gold
33:51from a VAT fraud.
33:52Do you want to tell the police that it's really yours?
33:55Why didn't you try and get the case off his wrist?
33:57Blind old Riley, you tried that, didn't you?
33:59And you got a punch in the nose and a whack over your head for your trouble.
34:02What do you think, I'm a wally or something?
34:04So, where are we going to get it back?
34:05It's all right.
34:06We'll go to the hospital.
34:07All we've got to do is find out what time their visiting hours are.
34:10He'll be cushy.
34:15But we don't know which hospital they're taking him to.
34:18We'll follow them.
34:19Mike, your car's pretty nippy.
34:20You do the following.
34:21Right, mate.
34:26I can't believe it.
34:27I've been cramped.
34:33Rodney, follow that ambulance.
34:35What a...
34:45Lonker.
34:53Right, I'm going to make a couple of phone calls now.
34:56Leave that phone alone, Michael.
34:57No one touches it.
34:58I've just been cramped.
35:00I've got to phone the authorities, sort it all out.
35:02Look, I'm expecting a very important phone call any minute now from Rodney or Arnie or the hospital.
35:07You just sort your car out tomorrow.
35:09What's good for a broken nose?
35:12Baseball bat, knuckle duster.
35:14I mean, my nose might be broken.
35:19Will you shut up going on about your router or I ram this up it for a splint.
35:25Rodney, good boy, what's happened?
35:27We followed the ambulance down to St. Stephen's Hospital.
35:30St. Stephen's Hospital.
35:31Right now we know where to visit.
35:33No, that's where we lost them.
35:34You lost them?
35:35Yep.
35:36We just went straight down to Fulham Road.
35:38Oh, God, blue.
35:41I mean, how could you possibly lose an ambulance?
35:44It's a ruddy, great big white thing with a flashing blue light on the top.
35:48And in case your peepers ain't too clever, it makes a sound like an air raid siren.
35:51It also goes straight through red lights.
35:54Well, what are we going to do now?
35:55All our money and our gold is laying in some matron's office.
35:59It's all right, boys.
35:59So, don't worry.
36:00Listen, we'll phone every hospital and ask if he's there.
36:03No, no, no.
36:03Hospitals won't give you that sort of information over the phone.
36:06All right, well, we'll drive round them all then.
36:08Well, that's going to take forever.
36:09There must be 25 hospitals in London.
36:11Thank God for the Tory party.
36:13Otherwise, it could have been 30.
36:16How about answer that?
36:17If that is Rodney's girlfriend, tell her to phone back later.
36:20Look, it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as we find him, does it?
36:24Del, he's some Indian doctor from Arnie's ward.
36:27Well, tell me I haven't got time to talk to him now.
36:28I'm trying to find him.
36:28Hello, hello.
36:32Hello, doctor.
36:35Yes, this is he.
36:37Arnie.
36:39Yes, yes, Arnold.
36:41Yes.
36:42Oh, yes, I knew the deceased very well.
36:46Deceased?
36:47Do you mean to say that he is dead?
36:49Oh, I love him.
36:50I just love him.
36:52Yes, he has.
36:53It's come as a very nasty shock, yeah.
36:55What about our loot?
36:57All right.
36:58Um, doctor.
36:59Yes, I wondered, um...
37:01Arnie had about his purse and a couple of little keepsakes of mine
37:05and wondered if you had found them.
37:07What?
37:08It's 250 18-karat gold chains and 12 and a half grand in used notes.
37:15He's what?
37:15His widow has taken all his belongings.
37:17Oh, I just wondered if you could, uh, give me her address.
37:22No, no, I am a personal friend of theirs.
37:25No, it's just that they moved recently, you see,
37:27and I wanted to make sure she got hold of me
37:29about the, uh, funeral arrangements.
37:31It's just...
37:32Yes, I know.
37:33I know you're not supposed to give out addresses to any Tom, Dick or Harry,
37:36but this is different.
37:38Doctor, look, I'll give you a good drink.
37:41No.
37:42Don't hang up to...
37:43He's hung up.
37:46Did he give you her address?
37:47No, he said he couldn't.
37:48It's confidential.
37:49Well, how are we going to find her, then?
37:51I don't know yet.
37:52Oi.
37:53I could go down to the town hall and find his name on the electoral register.
37:57Well done, Rod.
37:57It's good thinking.
37:58No, he only moved here recently from Lambeth.
38:00He wouldn't be on the list yet.
38:02You dipstick.
38:05Well, all right, I'll go down to Lambeth town, oldie.
38:07Good idea, Roddy.
38:08Go on, go to Lambeth.
38:09Right.
38:10Arnold what?
38:11Eh?
38:12What's his surname?
38:14I don't know.
38:14I never caught his surname.
38:16Well, does it matter?
38:17Well, of course it matters.
38:19They ain't going to be downloading the electoral register as Arnie and Pat, are they?
38:23This is something else.
38:25Here, the 1-11 club, they'll have his full name and address on his membership form.
38:29Yes, yes.
38:30Oh, no, no, he wasn't a member.
38:32I've got an idea.
38:35The phone.
38:36Oh, my God, he's hearing things now.
38:39Arnie was the last one to dial out on his phone.
38:42He called his wife.
38:44At their house.
38:45Remember?
38:46So what?
38:47This phone's got a redial button.
38:49If you press that, you get straight through to Arnie's house.
38:58Mmm!
39:00Oh, my God.
39:02Oh, my God.
39:03Right, right.
39:03How are we going to explain it to her, eh?
39:05It looks a bit bad turning up just before the funeral, laying claim to most of his estate.
39:09No, it's all right.
39:10Arnie told her that he'd sold the chains to Dells.
39:13That'll be no problem.
39:14Wait a minute.
39:14Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
39:16Hello.
39:16Hello.
39:17Hello.
39:19I'm awfully sorry to bother you in your hour of darkness.
39:23Yes, but I was a friend of Arnie's and I was just wondering...
39:27Sorry?
39:28Oh.
39:29Oh, sorry, sorry.
39:31Bigger Pond.
39:31Sorry to have bothered you.
39:33Huh.
39:33Bye.
39:35Strange, innit?
39:36I've just got through to the Highcliff Ruddy Hotel, Gunsey.
39:40Look, I'm sorry, Bill.
39:45Look, I only caught to see whether Cassandra got there safely, innit?
39:48And that's it, innit?
39:49We've done our money and it's vanished into thin air.
39:53Oh, now, Boycey, Boycey.
39:54I am going to see if I can buy myself a little doll that looks something like you
40:00and then I'm going to burn it.
40:04Boycey, keep your chin up.
40:06Boycey, just keep your chin up, eh?
40:07I am going to get my cart unclamped, Bill.
40:10Thanks for everything.
40:12Well, Michael, Michael, you know, don't give up.
40:14Michael, you've given up.
40:14Please don't give up.
40:15Remember what Churchill said.
40:16You know, he said, up the Alamo!
40:24I'm sorry, Trigg, that your Aunt Rean had to pawn her necklace.
40:29Shall I give her a ring and explain?
40:31Oh, no.
40:31Don't do that, Del.
40:34She doesn't know she's pawned it yet.
40:40So, how was it?
40:49The hotel was horrible.
40:50The weather was lousy.
40:51The food was rotten and the people were boring.
40:54Oh, good.
40:55I think you're all right.
40:56Some of them did hold an orgy.
41:00You're kidding.
41:01No, honestly.
41:02I stayed for about an hour and then I got fed up.
41:11Oh, no.
41:13I hate this sort of thing.
41:14What's the matter, Redmond?
41:39You look like you've seen a ghost.
41:40I've done us at South East London.
41:44Rodney saw him in South West London.
41:46He's doing it all over the town.
41:48Yeah.
41:48You'd think you'd be taking things easy in his condition, wouldn't you?
41:56No, Trigg, there's nothing wrong with it.
41:58I mean, he's not a sick man.
41:59I mean, he's a con man.
42:01So you don't reckon he's really ill?
42:05That is what I suspect.
42:07All right, lads, what's going?
42:08How are you, Denzel?
42:09You want a drink?
42:11No, I'm all right.
42:12No, I'm all right.
42:12No, mate.
42:13Thanks for having me.
42:13Can I get you on?
42:14Can I join you?
42:14No, it's a bit awkward at the moment, Denzel.
42:17You know, we are in conference.
42:18What?
42:19We're in conference.
42:20I thought we was having a chat.
42:23Listen, Del, I haven't got long.
42:25I've got the truck outside.
42:26I'm off to Germany.
42:27We'll be bringing a load back.
42:28Oh, well, that's all right then, Denzel.
42:30Go on, have a nice trip.
42:32Are you ill or something?
42:33I've just said I'm going to Germany and I will be bringing a load back.
42:36And you haven't even asked what it is.
42:38Yes, I know, Denzel, but I'm a bit busy at the moment.
42:40You know, I'll talk to you later.
42:42Well, see you do.
42:43I might have a deal for you.
42:44Yeah, all right, mate.
42:45See you in a minute.
42:48Boise, eh?
42:49Got time for a chat?
42:50Some other time, Denzel.
42:51Some other time.
42:53Right.
42:53Mike, can I...
42:55I'll see the bar, mate, Denzel.
42:56I'm busy.
42:58Rodney, how's it going?
42:59What's up?
42:59Yeah, a bit tied up at the moment, Denzel.
43:01I'll talk to you later.
43:01All right.
43:09Rodney, why are people ignoring me?
43:11What have I done to them?
43:12Nothing, nothing.
43:12It's just there's a bit of heavy stuff going down at the moment.
43:15Do you know what I mean?
43:16Oh, by the way, Denzel, this is Cassandra.
43:19Here are my, er...
43:20Choose your words carefully, Rodney.
43:22My friend and Cassandra, this is Denzel.
43:25Nice to meet you.
43:26You too.
43:28Right.
43:28Well, I'll leave you two to have a little chat then.
43:30See you later.
43:33Come on, hurry up.
43:34Sit down.
43:35Sit down.
43:35I was under the impression that Arnie was a good family man.
43:38I mean, all he ever spoke of was his wife, Gary, and young Stephen.
43:41Yes, I know.
43:42And I'm under the impression that Gary and young Stephen are about six foot tall
43:45and they like to dress up as ambulance men.
43:48What, you mean it's their ambulance?
43:50No, can't be dull.
43:52Remember when Arnie come over bad in the restaurant?
43:54It was a staff that phoned for the ambulance.
43:56Yeah, but it didn't half arrive quick, though, didn't it?
43:59Yeah, you come to mention it, it was a bit lively.
44:01Anyway, I phoned that restaurant this afternoon
44:03and the manager told me that ten minutes after Arnie's ambulance arrived,
44:07another one turned up, the real one.
44:10Yeah.
44:10We reckon they could do it with split-second timing, right?
44:13At one o'clock, Arnie does his dying swan act
44:16and at three minutes past one, his boys turn up in their ambulance
44:20then it's off into the white blue yonder.
44:22Yeah, no-one's going to question a couple of medical orderlies, are they?
44:24Carrying a sick man out of a restaurant.
44:27And no-one can follow an ambulance because...
44:29It goes through red lights.
44:31And you can pick up these old ambulances for next to nothing anywhere.
44:35I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?
44:36And beautiful.
44:37So what's Mr Stavros got to do with it all?
44:43Mr Stavros, look, don't exist, Trey, does he, eh?
44:46Well, Arnie seemed to know him pretty well.
44:49No, he only did.
44:50They invented him, didn't they?
44:51Just to get us on the...
44:52You see, when he...
44:54This still doesn't get me my money back.
44:56I'm sitting here still convalescing from open-wallet surgery.
45:01I see, all right, all right, listen.
45:03At least we know that Arnie and the Doe are still out there somewhere.
45:05It gives us half a chance.
45:07So listen to me, I have put the word about that I am looking for some gold chains, right?
45:11Right, I'm off, you guys.
45:12I'll see you later.
45:13Yes, see you, Denzil.
45:15Nice talking to you, Cassandra.
45:17You too, Denzil.
45:18Safe trip.
45:19I bring this meeting to a conclusion, gentlemen.
45:22All I can say is just keep your ears to the ground, right?
45:25Trey, that just means listen out.
45:27It doesn't mean get on your hands and knees and come on.
45:29Come on, Rodney, let's go over there.
45:31See you, James.
45:31See you, darling.
45:35I'm sorry to leave you talking to a total stranger.
45:38Don't worry, Rodney.
45:39Even strangers can be fun.
45:41I found that out in Guernsey.
45:43Look at his face now, look.
45:45Look, he looks as though he sucked on a lemon.
45:47Anyway, that Denzil's a nice bloke, don't he?
45:50He left a message.
45:51He heard that you were interested in buying some gold chains.
45:54Oh, not more gold-plated Mickey Mouse gear, please.
45:57Apparently one of his brothers.
45:59Carl, is it?
45:59Yeah, the one who lives in Bethel Green.
46:01Apparently he's met some guy in a casino, a retired jeweller or something, who's got two hundred and...
46:07Fifty?
46:08Yes, two hundred and fifty gold chains for sale, and Denzil and his brothers are buying them.
46:13Where is Denzil now?
46:15He's just left.
46:16He's just left.
46:17Denzil, don't buy them!
46:19Now you're going to have to shout louder than that, Denzil's not right to Germany.
46:22Denzil, nicht bein' them!
46:24Can you see Dad?
46:40Yeah, he's in position.
46:41About another four minutes.
46:43Right.
46:44And this time you make the phone call.
46:46It's always me who has to pretend to be the hospital doctor.
46:48Did you know the deceased very well?
46:50Okay, I'll do it.
46:54I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well.
47:05Could you get me an ambulance?
47:13Oh!
47:15Oh!
47:15Oh!
47:15Oh!
47:16Oh!
47:16Oh!
47:16Oh!
47:16Oh!
47:17Oh!
47:17Oh!
47:18Oh!
47:18Oh!
47:19Oh!
47:19Oh!
47:20Oh!
47:20Oh!
47:21Oh!
47:21Oh!
47:22Oh!
47:22Oh!
47:23Oh!
47:23Oh!
47:24Oh!
47:24Oh!
47:24Oh!
47:33Wonderful!
47:41Oof!
47:42You fist aren't?
47:43Oof!
47:44You don't look too well!
47:50What's up!
47:51Ambulance come, he gone!
47:54watch it fellas
48:01what's that
48:03get in
48:05take it easy fellas
48:12I can explain everything
48:14we're not looking for explanations
48:16it's all very clear
48:18but at least let's have a chat
48:19funnily enough there was one or twelve and a half
48:22thousand things we wanted to talk to you
48:24about
48:25try this tell boy
48:27thank you doctor
48:28you don't need that to cut the chain off
48:32I've got a key
48:33who said anything about cutting the chain off
48:37calm down Arnie
48:42calm down
48:43you'll give yourself an heart attack
48:46keep going
48:54calm down
48:58Even functions, whistling and other questions
49:02Ever can't protect since, damn an issue, shepherds push
49:05Push, push, push, push, push
49:07All the income tax, no VAT
49:10No money back, no guarantee
49:13Black or white, rich or white
49:17The effect prices as strong
49:21God bless, quickly stream
49:24Fever, quickly stream
49:27Long minute, rookie stream
49:30Say, I'm the beat, rookie stream
49:34I'm the beat, rookie stream
49:37Rookie stream
49:40Rookie stream
49:43Rookie stream