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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only fours and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la, la-la...
00:42All right, son, looking forward to the night down the pub?
00:44Yeah. Yeah, I don't want a big thing made of it, you know.
00:48I mean, me and Cassandra are having a baby, that's all.
00:51Yeah, you know what Del's like. Any excuse for a celebration?
00:55You think Del would mind if I borrow some of his aftershave, do you?
00:58What do you want to use aftershave for?
01:00You've got epping bloody forest growing round your chair.
01:05I just want it to smell nice, that's all.
01:07Well, in that case, don't use Del's aftershave.
01:12Ah, there you are, brothers. I didn't hear you were rife.
01:14Go on, help yourself to the dry roasties.
01:16Where's Cassandra, then?
01:17The kill went to the show summit in her bedroom.
01:19It's them baby clothes she's got for you.
01:22Oh, she shouldn't have done that.
01:23No, that's all right, they're some of Damien's old clothes.
01:29Suit your nipper a treat, then, well.
01:30Oh, yeah.
01:31Well, I'll just go and get myself a beer.
01:34If he's a boy, do you reckon it'll look like Rodney?
01:36It don't matter, as long as it's healthy.
01:42Now, I know what Raquel's doing.
01:44She's showing Cassandra some of them new clothes I bought her.
01:48New clothes?
01:49It's not her birthday, is it?
01:50No, no, no, no, it's not her birthday.
01:52And they're not new clothes.
01:55They're as good as.
01:57And it means I've done me bit for charity.
02:02Ah, Rodders.
02:03There you are, I've seen this.
02:04Look, it's my book, Modern Man.
02:06It's brilliant, it is.
02:08Look, you see, it says here,
02:09you shouldn't wait for a special occasion
02:11to give your loved one a present.
02:13Arrive home with a little surprise any day of the week
02:16and help keep your relationship excited.
02:18I've done that, you know, I was just...
02:21It says,
02:22your partner should never have to seek attention from you.
02:25A compliment is the easiest thing to give
02:27and the nicest thing to receive.
02:30No, it's obvious when you come to think about it.
02:32I mean, it's far easier to say something nice
02:33than to say something nasty, you know?
02:35Ta-da!
02:37Well?
02:37Yes, very well, thank you, darling.
02:39Yes.
02:41Oh, good.
02:43You look lovely, Raquel.
02:45Thank you very much, Albert.
02:46Yes, you look very nice, Raquel.
02:48Yes.
02:51Wait till you see this.
02:54And you look lovely, Cassandra.
02:56Thank you, Albert.
02:57Huh? Cassandra?
02:58Oh, there you are, sweetheart.
02:59Ha-ha.
02:59Well, how's my little nephew?
03:00Wee.
03:01Get off.
03:01Well?
03:04What do you think?
03:05Oh.
03:06Well, it's a bit difficult, Raquel.
03:08You see, Rodney and I are both opposed to the fur trade.
03:12Yeah, yes.
03:12I think what Cass is trying to say
03:14is we both think it looked better on the animal.
03:18Whatever that was.
03:21Very marvellous.
03:22Del buys Raquel a coat
03:23and you two have a pop-up.
03:25Del bought it?
03:27I'm sorry, Raquel.
03:28I thought it was real.
03:33No, no, no, no, no, dopey.
03:36No.
03:36That stimulated fur, eh?
03:38It's all right.
03:41Didn't realise.
03:42Oh, well, there you go.
03:42Right, I'll tell you what we're going to do, then.
03:45Now, cos little Damien's downstairs with the babysitter,
03:48we're going to have a couple of glasses of the old champagne here
03:51and it's down to the nag's head for some decent celebrations, all right?
03:55Right, now, you are on the orange juice, all right?
03:58Yes, thank you, Doctor.
04:00That's all right.
04:00We're part of the service.
04:03No.
04:03Del.
04:09Yes?
04:10I feel a bit embarrassed.
04:12Well, you don't need to.
04:13I mean, you've got a tie and a suit.
04:14Full Monty.
04:15I didn't mean that.
04:17I mean...
04:18I've only got 20 quid on me.
04:21Well, what have you done with your wages?
04:23This is me wages.
04:25Oh, that's right.
04:25I remember.
04:26We've had a bit of a hard week, bruv, haven't we?
04:28Oh, no, I was there.
04:29Yeah.
04:29Well, I'm even worse off than you.
04:39I spent all my money on Raquel's dress.
04:41Still, it don't matter.
04:43Tonight's festivities we can put on the slate.
04:45Would you reckon Michael stand it?
04:47Yeah, of course he will.
04:47He's a diamond, that boy.
04:48It's an absolute diamond.
04:50All right, you're right.
04:51And, Oye, when are you going to say something nice to Raquel?
04:54I mean, she got herself all done up, you haven't said a word.
04:57Well, I was reading me book, weren't I?
04:59All right, all right, don't worry.
05:01I'll figure something nice to say.
05:02You're quite right.
05:03Come on, let's go.
05:04All right, come on in, girls.
05:05Ladies and gentlemen, time to celebrate.
05:09Go on, Rodney.
05:10Here you've got the girls.
05:11Here you are.
05:11Albert, this is yours.
05:12Oh, I don't believe it.
05:13What's that?
05:14You see this girl here?
05:17I worked with her years ago when I was in show business.
05:19She was just a kid then.
05:20Look at her now.
05:21She's about to appear in a new James Bond film.
05:24Ooh, Piers Brosnan.
05:25Oh, no, you don't need Piers Brosnan, dear.
05:28There you go, mate.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Haven't I just?
05:33I'll tell you what, Raquel.
05:34If she could be in a James Bond film, so could you.
05:37Oh, shut up.
05:39I don't know.
05:40You could.
05:40Don't be silly.
05:42Oh, I'm serious.
05:43Look at her.
05:45She's a dog.
05:45Oh, that's a G and T for Raquel.
06:10Oh, tequila slammer for Rodney.
06:13Orange juice for Cassandra.
06:14Oh, by the way, that Indian bloke, Dr. Singh, was in earlier.
06:18I wanted to talk to you about some paper you sold him.
06:21Oh, really?
06:21Was he really?
06:22Oh, you seem very anxious to speak to you, Del.
06:24You've got problems, mate.
06:25No, no.
06:26Just a minor misunderstanding.
06:28Nothing that can't be sorted out with a civilised chat.
06:31If he calls in again, mate, would you tell him I've gone to live in New Zealand?
06:36I think I can remember that.
06:37Here.
06:37Have Rodney and Cassandra thought of a name for the baby yet?
06:40Oh, no, not yet.
06:41No, no, no.
06:42No, it's early days, isn't it?
06:43I mean, he's only just a little bit pregnant.
06:45It's got a long way to go.
06:47Still, shows Rodney got the hang of it in the end.
06:50Oh, yeah.
06:51He's a trotter, all right.
06:52We don't stop till the job's finished.
06:56Right, now then, what have we got here?
06:58We've got a Harvey Wallbanger for me.
07:01That's a cognac for Boise.
07:02Vodka and lime, that's for Marlene.
07:05Kubra Libra, that's for Denzel.
07:07Rum and blackcurrant for Bobby Crush over there.
07:11Whiskey for the market lads.
07:13Pint of diesel for Trigger.
07:14And, oh, Mickey, what are you and your boys want?
07:17Canadian clubs all round, Del, cheers.
07:19Canadian clubs all round over there.
07:21And have one yourself, Michael.
07:23Cheers, Del.
07:24Cheers.
07:24Call it 25 quid for cash.
07:26Okay, right, okay.
07:27Put it on the slate.
07:28Uh, no, no.
07:29I'm straight, mate.
07:30What?
07:30I've had a visit from the brewery.
07:33Oh, all right.
07:35Okay, look, there's a five of them.
07:37And, uh, oh, dear, would you, Adam and Eve it?
07:40I've only gone and left me wallet at home.
07:43I remember now, Damien was playing with it.
07:45I was teaching him financial management, you know, how to avoid expensive pubs.
07:49That's all right.
07:50I'll sell it to someone else, then, Del.
07:52No, you can't.
07:53He's a second hand.
07:54Yeah, I'll sell them cheap, then.
07:55All right, I'll give you a fiver for them now.
07:57Look, that was not my fault.
07:59It's the brewery.
08:00They've brought in this revolutionary new rule.
08:03From now on, customers have to pay for their drinks.
08:05And I've managed to lay my hands on these radically new-designed hairdryers.
08:20Right?
08:20Now, normally, they retail at $69.99 up in Regent Street.
08:25But for you, $15 knicker.
08:28Del, look at my hair.
08:30I've never linked with one of them.
08:32I've only got to stick my head out the window for ten seconds and it's bone dry.
08:36You see, this is different, because this, you see that?
08:39That has got what they call a volumiser on it.
08:41You see that goes, gives all your hair the white body in it.
08:44Oh, so I could end up looking like Lily Savage.
08:48I'm giving it to you, Michael, aren't I?
08:54Eh?
08:55$15 knicker, come on, mate.
08:58Go on, then.
08:59Gives it here.
08:59But you still owe me a tenner.
09:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:02All right.
09:03I'll tell you what.
09:04You're a bit of a gambling manager.
09:06I'll tell you what.
09:06I'll have a little bet with you, right?
09:08Double or quits, okay?
09:11Now, the thing is, if I win, I give you this fiver for this round of drinks.
09:16But if you win, I owe you a tenner.
09:19You already owe me a tenner.
09:21Well, you've got nothing to lose, then, have you?
09:23Eh?
09:23Right.
09:24Trick, just a minute.
09:26You'll like this, Trick.
09:27Watch this.
09:27It's a little bet we're having here.
09:29Okay, then, Michael.
09:31I bet if you put your hands out in front of you, I can make you turn them over without touching them.
09:36You can make me turn my hands over without touching them.
09:39Exactly.
09:40It's called the power of positive thought.
09:43All right.
09:43Off you go.
09:44Put your hands out in front of you.
09:46Now, the other way.
09:50That's it.
09:55All right.
09:56Here we go.
09:56Come on.
09:57Help yourselves.
09:58Get it down.
09:58I have been in the motor trade for many years now.
10:02And until recently, I never thought of the damage fumes did to our world.
10:07Now, let me explain to you my theory.
10:09All right, Mike.
10:09Same again, please, will you?
10:10Just allow me to continue, will you?
10:13Now, this is my theory.
10:16The future holds the key to all our success.
10:20Well, you better not tell Raquel's dad that.
10:23He's an antiques dealer.
10:25Now, recently, I have invested a lot of money in electric coals.
10:30Yeah, he bought Tyler, as Sky Electric said.
10:34I'm not talking about model bloody racing cars, for God's sake.
10:39Oi, Rodney, come on.
10:40Get up this all round.
10:42Yeah.
10:44If it's the same as the last round, it'll be 25 quid.
10:4825 quid?
10:50Mike?
10:50No.
10:50All right, Dave.
10:57I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
11:01Hey?
11:02I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
11:05Go on, hold it, Matt.
11:10Now, if you have a way...
11:13See?
11:13There you go, Dave.
11:26Well done, Albert.
11:27Very nice.
11:29Yes, congratulations, Albert.
11:30It reminded me of the theme track from Noddy the movie.
11:38Hey, boy, she's right about one thing, though.
11:40I mean, you and Rodney should be thinking about your children's future.
11:43You know what I'm saying?
11:44You've got to send them to private school.
11:46Oh, leave it out, boys.
11:48You can't afford to send our kids private.
11:50Anyway, oi, another round, please, Mike.
11:52Come on, boys, it's your turn.
11:54Our child has been private since he was three.
11:57He's seven now, and he can almost write his name.
12:02Can you really?
12:03Yeah.
12:04Of course.
12:04Here, darling, perhaps we ought to scrimp and save it.
12:07Send little Damien private, then, shall we?
12:09Why?
12:09Send him my child private.
12:10There's nothing wrong with state education.
12:11Oh, well, I'm not sending Damien to our old school,
12:15Dockside Secondary Modern School.
12:17Ooh, that was a tough old place.
12:19Yeah, you see, Rodney, we didn't stand a chance of a decent education
12:22because of the size of the classes.
12:23No, that's right.
12:2450, 60 to a class?
12:26No.
12:27You're exaggerating.
12:28No.
12:28Your classes weren't that big.
12:30No, by the time the teacher had finished reading the register,
12:32it was dinner time.
12:33You could tell the calibre of our school, too, by the head boy.
12:37Who was it?
12:38Trigger.
12:42Do you call, Dock?
12:43Ah, there you are, Trigger.
12:44No, no, it was just, we was, you know, we was just talking about our old school.
12:47All right, now, come on, let's ask Trigger, and you lot stay quiet, all right?
12:50No prompting.
12:51Trigger.
12:52Did you have big classes at your old school?
12:55No, not very big.
12:56Ah, see?
12:57High ceilings, though.
13:01Oh, yeah.
13:02And a few low ones.
13:04Remember your accident?
13:05Oh, yeah.
13:07Yeah, Trigger was walking through one of the corridors
13:09and he smacked right into a mind your head sign.
13:12You gave him a right clout.
13:13His family suit the education authorities for brain damage.
13:17Yeah.
13:17Judge awarded him £7.50.
13:22How'd you walk into a mind your head sign?
13:24Didn't you see it?
13:25Of course I saw it.
13:27But in those days, I couldn't read.
13:32Anyone going to collect these drinks or what?
13:34Yeah, I'll get them.
13:35Can't, boys, you've got that.
13:36There you are, and I want change.
13:40Rodney, congratulations, mate.
13:43Thanks, Vicky.
13:44Yeah, I was down Sid's cafe yesterday
13:46and that Dr. Sen came in looking for Dullboy.
13:48Really?
13:49Yeah, he struck me as an angry man.
13:51What's it all about?
13:53It's something to do with some pain and his surgery.
13:56I mean, at the end of the day, it's not my problem, is it?
13:59I just work for Dull.
14:00Yeah, yeah, that's just it.
14:01I mean, you're just an employee.
14:03You just follow orders.
14:04You pick things up, you put things down, you pick things up again.
14:09Well, yeah, but I do think for myself.
14:11It's hardly a job requirement, is it?
14:13I mean, I started a new job last month.
14:16Good money, company car, the lot.
14:19And it's not a fly-by-night firm.
14:21They're suing Panorama.
14:23Oh, what are you, then?
14:25Double glazing salesman?
14:27No, I am not.
14:29Well, that is to do with glass.
14:31What, windows?
14:32Not windows.
14:33Solar windows.
14:35I mean, it's a whole new concept in user-friendly heating.
14:38You're a salesman.
14:40No, look, I'm more like a scientist.
14:44It's double glazing, isn't it?
14:45No, no, no.
14:47Look, I mean, fair enough, it does involve two pounds of glass, but it's not double glazing.
14:51I mean, this company is very profile-conscious and customer-driven.
14:56I'm executive of Area Perspective and Overview, and I'm recruiting new staff.
15:02I'm doing interviews every Monday at Burger King's.
15:06You're a amazing salesman, isn't you?
15:08Yeah.
15:11It's got to be better than working for a doll, isn't it?
15:13I mean, you're like a 34-year-old paper boy.
15:16Yeah, well, I might not be working for him much longer.
15:19I've got me eye out for something.
15:20Raquel?
15:21I just came up to give you a hand with the drinks.
15:23Oh, yeah, that's yours.
15:27Now, you listen, there's a few young up-and-coming firms who are after me.
15:30Oh, yeah?
15:31I bet you're being head-hanted by Ian Bill.
15:34Listen, man, you've got to do something quick.
15:36You've got a kid on the way.
15:38Ladies and gentlemen, will you please raise your glasses to our future mum and dad, Cassandra and Rodney.
15:47Cassandra and Rodney.
15:49Dave.
15:49Dave.
15:50Good night, Jim.
16:07Dream us some luck.
16:08It's all right.
16:17He's sound, though.
16:25Ta-da!
16:28Oh, my God.
16:29Well, what do you think?
16:39Hey?
16:40They're very nice, Del.
16:42They're very...
16:43nice.
16:44Yeah.
16:45Yeah, so I got them off Monkey Harris.
16:47£7.50.
16:48Can't be back, can it?
16:50Lovely.
16:51Right.
16:51Ah, there we go.
16:54Oh, lovely, jubbly.
16:56Mmm.
17:01Whew.
17:04Do you know, it says here, a bloke's supposed to make contact with his feminine side.
17:09Did you know that geezers had feminine sides?
17:11Well, I've read about it.
17:12Look, I wouldn't worry.
17:13I don't think it applies to you.
17:16For all for that, I thought I might have to wear a blouse or something.
17:20Del, can we talk for a minute?
17:22Eh?
17:23I heard Rodney and his mate Mickey Pierce talking tonight.
17:26He's started a new job.
17:27Mickey Pierce?
17:28You must be joking.
17:30God, dear.
17:30That bloke's been on the doll for so long, they invite him to the staff dance.
17:35Del, will you do something for me?
17:37Yes, of course.
17:38Let me finish the bottom of this page.
17:41No!
17:42Hmm?
17:45Give Rodney a proper job.
17:48What do you mean, what?
17:48He's got a proper job.
17:49No, he hasn't.
17:49He works for you.
17:50Well, that is a proper job.
17:51All right, what does he do?
17:52Rodney, he...
17:53Well, he...
17:55He lifts things.
17:57He keeps his eye home.
17:58He drives the van.
18:00And how would you describe his job?
18:01Give it a name, a title.
18:02Oh, all right.
18:03It's easy.
18:05It's...
18:05He's a Rodney.
18:10Give him a job and a title he can be proud of.
18:13In seven months, he'll be a father.
18:15Listen, Raquel.
18:16I'm sorry.
18:17You do not know Rodney like what I do.
18:20I mean, he's not really very astute.
18:23I mean, if he was left in charge, we wouldn't be where we are today.
18:28No?
18:29No.
18:30I mean, he's got no business sense.
18:32I mean, he's the sort of bloke that if he had a flower shop, right, he'd close on some
18:36Valentine's Day.
18:38That would feel important.
18:40Do something to help him.
18:42All right, look.
18:43If you must know, I am doing that very same thing, right?
18:46I'm trying to find some help for Rodney.
18:49What with Cassandra being in the situation she is, you know, you might have to dash off
18:54at any time, so I put the word about I'm looking for some part-time help to take the weight
18:59off Rodney's shoulders, right?
19:01Oh, that's nice of you.
19:02Yeah, well, I am that sort of bloke, aren't I?
19:04You, er, you know this thing with Cassandra?
19:23You mean her pregnancy?
19:24Mm-hmm.
19:25Not making you broody, is it?
19:29No.
19:30I never want to go through a pregnancy again.
19:37Well, it hurt, did it?
19:38It stung a bit.
19:39Yeah, I could tell.
19:40I could tell.
19:42What gave it away, all that screaming?
19:43Yeah, there was a clue.
19:45Stanley was worth it in the end, wasn't he?
19:47Yeah, of course he was.
19:49It's not just that.
19:50There's the financial side as well.
19:52I mean, we can barely afford to pay the mortgage on this place, let alone feed another mouth.
19:55And then there's the age thing to be taken into account.
19:58Yeah, I know, you're not getting any younger, are you?
20:06I've been thinking one day they might make a musical about the history of the Trotter family.
20:13Then as a sequel, they could do Schindler's List on ice.
20:17Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you feeling slightly under-motivated tonight?
20:22There are people on death row with more motivation than me.
20:27Oh, I've got to get another job, Cash.
20:30I get so frustrated working for Dell.
20:33I just wish he'd present me with a challenge every now and then, like, I don't know, giving someone their change.
20:43Tomorrow, we're trying to flog a load of Mickey Mouse hair dryers and a load of aerodynamic cycling hats, which are really horse-riding helmets sprayed red.
20:52And we've got a very angry seat after our blood.
20:55Now, this is not what I call job satisfaction.
20:58Now, Rodney, you're the only one that can change Dell's attitude.
21:02Just going out in the morning and hoping for the best is not good enough.
21:05At the bank, we always advise small businesses to target specifics to achieve maximum market penetration.
21:12Cassandra, we are talking about Derek Trotter.
21:15To Dell, market penetration means sex under a barrow.
21:20I think that's such a little thing, isn't it?
21:22I mean, you're involved in decision-making now, aren't you?
21:25Oh, yeah. Sometimes he lets me toss the coin.
21:29Decision-making.
21:31He's just bought himself a book.
21:33Dell has.
21:34Yeah, and it's all words. There's no pictures.
21:38It's called Modern Man.
21:41And, according to the author, modern men are decisive, positive decision-makers.
21:46So Dell has been making decisions all over the shop.
21:49In fact, it's thanks to some of Dell's decisive, positive decision-making that we have got a consignment of Mickey Mouse hair-dryers
21:57and a load of cycling hats which are really horse-riding helmets sprayed red.
22:01Look, try and talk to him.
22:03I know he jumps the gun a lot, but he does listen to you.
22:07Yeah, I suppose you're right.
22:10Actually, I had a word with him this morning.
22:12Told him he's got to stop making all these on-the-spot decisions.
22:15I said to him, think things through, consider it, look at all the angles, weigh up the pros and cons.
22:23And I think it hit home.
22:28Yeah, I'm sure he took my words on board.
22:32I'm going to have a vasectomy.
22:33Did I say something?
22:41I thought this on.
22:43Well, it says in my book here that modern men take the responsibility when it comes to family planning.
22:49You know, millions of men all over the world have had to sneak.
22:52You know, they can do it while you wait.
22:56Look, there's nothing to think about, sweetheart.
22:58We can't afford to have another chavvy.
23:01And I am a modern man, right, making a positive decision.
23:05To consider the future.
23:07I mean, I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
23:09but what would happen if, say, in ten years' time,
23:10things didn't work out between us and we broke up,
23:13and then you met someone else and you wanted to raise another family?
23:18Come on, don't be silly, sweetheart.
23:21I can't.
23:22Ten years from now, I won't be able to raise a smile, let alone...
23:26LAUGHTER
23:27I can remember when we set off on the road to our horizon.
23:36It was a flood of years ago.
23:38We had a Labour government, you could eat beef.
23:42Des O'Connor was white.
23:43LAUGHTER
23:44Just look at us now, eh?
23:49Rodney, how can I put this...
23:52Shut up!
23:57LAUGHTER
23:57LAUGHTER
23:58I can make you turn your hands over without touching you.
24:08LAUGHTER
24:09Watch your hands out.
24:12LAUGHTER
24:13Turn them over.
24:17LAUGHTER
24:18See?
24:24Mummy, Mummy, I made Uncle Ronny turn his hands over.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:30Right, a grunge you, things are a bit bleak at the moment.
24:36It's like saying the Antarctic's a bit nippy.
24:39LAUGHTER
24:39Well, I think that our fortune lies just around the corner.
24:42We're here where the big opportunities happen.
24:45We are at the forefront of the enterprise culture.
24:48Enterprise?
24:49Oh, yeah, you are so enterprise, and you bought a load of horse-riding crash helmets.
24:53LAUGHTER
24:54Didn't you stop to think for one moment that Peckham is not big show-jumping country?
24:59LAUGHTER
25:00Don't you worry about that.
25:04We'll sell them.
25:05I don't know what's happened to you lately.
25:07You seem to have stopped believing.
25:12Do you know what Mum said to me on her deathbed?
25:14Oh, Mum.
25:15She did.
25:16She said to me,
25:17Del, boy, she said,
25:18Never stop believing.
25:20Cos if you stop believing,
25:21you've got nothing left to hope for.
25:24You've got to have a dream.
25:26If you don't have a dream,
25:27then how are you going to have a dream come true?
25:29LAUGHTER
25:30That is exactly what she said.
25:36LAUGHTER
25:36See, Mum, she never stopped believing.
25:41Even after you was born.
25:43That's all very well for you to say, Del, isn't it?
25:45But at the end of a duck...
25:46What's that supposed to mean?
25:47Even after I was born?
25:49All right, it wasn't your fault.
25:50We didn't blame you.
25:52It wasn't my fault.
25:53Yeah.
25:53You being a problem child.
25:55LAUGHTER
25:56I weren't a problem child.
25:58I was a good boy.
25:59LAUGHTER
26:00So, no, but you did have a problem.
26:03LAUGHTER
26:03You kept getting taller.
26:06LAUGHTER
26:06Well, what do you want me to do?
26:08Stay two-foot-four for the rest of my life?
26:10LAUGHTER
26:10No, no, it wasn't that.
26:12It's just that when all the other little kids...
26:14You see, they could wear their trousers, like,
26:16for a year and a half,
26:18that'd be no problem.
26:19But you, after a couple of months,
26:20they look like hot pants.
26:21LAUGHTER
26:22LAUGHTER
26:23Well, most of the pictures I got of me as a schoolboy,
26:28I was wearing short trousers anyway.
26:29Why?
26:30No, no, they weren't short trousers.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33They look like short trousers.
26:35LAUGHTER
26:36But if you look very carefully at the bottoms of the legs,
26:39you'll find that they're all frayed.
26:40That is where a couple of months before,
26:42they was rubbing on the tops of your shoes.
26:44LAUGHTER
26:45LAUGHTER
26:46Anyway, listen.
26:47I'm going to make the phone call.
26:50And just remember, Rodney,
26:52never stop believing.
26:53LAUGHTER
26:53Oh, this is difficult.
26:58What's wrong?
26:59Well, I've got a bit of good news
27:01and a bit of bad news for Del.
27:03I'm applying for another job.
27:05Yeah?
27:06What's the bad news?
27:08LAUGHTER
27:09That is the bad news.
27:13The good news is I'm going to stay on with Del
27:15until he can find someone suitable to replace me.
27:18Well, that should take him about half an hour.
27:20LAUGHTER
27:21Oh, yeah, you won't be saying that
27:22when I'm the managing director of something, will you?
27:24You've got something lined up, then?
27:27Yeah.
27:29It's his job that advertises in the paper.
27:32Listen.
27:32Local company seeks ambitious, energetic
27:36and creative young person
27:37to join its successful sales force.
27:40Well, who'd I describe him?
27:43No. Go on.
27:45LAUGHTER
27:45It's me.
27:47Is it?
27:48Yes.
27:50Look.
27:51Experience with computers,
27:53an advantage but not essential,
27:56successful applicant will receive full training,
27:58good salary and company vehicle.
28:00Well, I'm experienced with computers.
28:03Yeah.
28:04You've never got one to work yet, have you?
28:05LAUGHTER
28:06LAUGHTER
28:07LAUGHTER
28:08LAUGHTER
28:08Yes, yes, I could call in this afternoon
28:13and sign the papers.
28:15Yeah.
28:16Oh, right.
28:18OK, then, you'll call back.
28:20OK.
28:21Bonjour.
28:22LAUGHTER
28:22Look at that.
28:25A new digital phone, sweetheart.
28:26It's clear as a bell, that.
28:27Was that the clinic you were talking to?
28:29Yes.
28:29I'll get doctored on Tuesday.
28:31They're going to call back and confirm.
28:33You're serious about this, aren't you?
28:35Yeah.
28:35Never been more serious.
28:37Look, Del,
28:38volunteering for this vasectomy
28:40is very brave and thoughtful of you
28:41and I'm flattered that you're doing it for me,
28:43but you don't have to do it.
28:45That's all right.
28:45I think it's for the best, sweetheart.
28:46All right.
28:47But I don't want you coming back to me
28:49and saying it's all your fault, Raquel,
28:50if you get a bit, you know...
28:52sore.
28:53LAUGHTER
28:53LAUGHTER
28:54As if I would.
28:58Oh, that'll be them.
29:02Answer the phone, sweetheart,
29:03and be posh, will you?
29:04What?
29:05Be posh!
29:06Don't want them to think
29:07we're a couple of hippity hoys.
29:08Yes, sir.
29:11Hello.
29:12How may I help you?
29:13Oh, hello.
29:14I'm phoning about the job advertising.
29:16LAUGHTER
29:16APPLAUSE
29:18Hold the line, caller.
29:24Have you put an ad in the Peck-O-Meck-O?
29:26Yeah.
29:27For some help, for Rodney.
29:28Who's that?
29:30Rodney.
29:31LAUGHTER
29:31What's he phoning me for?
29:36He's only in the bloody living room.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:38No, he's applying for the job.
29:41LAUGHTER
29:42I mean, he's applying to assist himself.
29:47Wait a minute, wait a minute.
29:51I've got to think about this.
29:52Donnie, press hold.
29:54It plays a tune.
29:55Go on.
29:56I'll put you on hold
29:57whilst I connect you
29:58to our marketing department.
30:00LAUGHTER
30:01Treacherous little git.
30:12I'm going to wind him right up.
30:15Oh, Del, don't you feel embarrassed?
30:17With any luck.
30:19Right.
30:19All right.
30:19All right.
30:23Hello?
30:25This is the marketing manager here.
30:27Sorry, I kept you.
30:27My name is Ivor Hardy.
30:33LAUGHTER
30:33Hello, Mr Hardy.
30:37LAUGHTER
30:37And you are?
30:40My name is Rodney Trotter.
30:42Oh, Rodney Trotter.
30:44You're not one of the Trotter brothers, are you?
30:47Um, no, I haven't got a brother.
30:50LAUGHTER
30:50Well, that's all right, then.
30:59Because I've heard some rumours about them.
31:02Right couple of scallywags, so I'm told.
31:05Mind you, the elder one was all right.
31:07He's intelligent.
31:08Quite a brilliant businessman, I've heard.
31:12No, no, it's the other one.
31:13It's his dippy younger brother
31:15that's the problem.
31:16LAUGHTER
31:16Oh, well, like I say, I haven't got a brother.
31:26No, um, you mentioned, um...
31:28LAUGHTER
31:29..a good salary and a company vehicle.
31:32Could you tell me a little bit more about that, please?
31:35Mm-hm.
31:37Yes, I can ride a bike.
31:39LAUGHTER
31:40LAUGHTER
31:41All right, brothers?
31:51Hey, just one moment.
31:53Yeah, yeah, fine.
31:55Just on the phone to Cassandra.
31:57Oh, yeah, all right, is she?
31:59Yeah, terrific.
32:01Oh, well, give her my love.
32:02Yeah, yeah, will do.
32:04Oh, and give her yours.
32:06Eh?
32:07Give her your love.
32:08You see, in my book,
32:10it says that a man must give the lady in his life
32:14his love every so often,
32:16especially if she is pregnant.
32:18So, go on.
32:20You tell her you love her.
32:22LAUGHTER
32:22I'm not really embarrassed.
32:27No, you don't have to be embarrassed, do you?
32:29I mean, I'm the only one here,
32:31and I'm one who suggested you do it.
32:33Go on, tell her.
32:36LAUGHTER
32:36Like, sir.
32:39No, no, you tell her now, Rudney.
32:42LAUGHTER
32:43LAUGHTER
32:44I love you.
32:49LAUGHTER
32:50LAUGHTER
32:51Sorry, what did you say?
33:00LAUGHTER
33:02Nothing, I've just coughed.
33:05LAUGHTER
33:06Oh, that's all right.
33:07For a minute, I thought you said you loved me.
33:09LAUGHTER
33:09No, no, no, no, no, I've just coughed on this, you know.
33:14So, um, what exactly do you sell,
33:18and what would these successful applicants' duties be, please?
33:21Well, we, uh...
33:22We sell anything we can lay our hands on, isn't it?
33:25LAUGHTER
33:26And your duties would be, you see,
33:28to take all this crap down to the market...
33:30LAUGHTER
33:31LAUGHTER
33:32And you sell it from a suitcase.
33:34LAUGHTER
33:35Indeed, I think that you're just the man
33:38that we've been looking for, Mr. Drotter.
33:42LAUGHTER
33:42Cos we're always on the lookout for dirty little plonkers like you.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:49Did you put this ad in the paper, then?
34:07LAUGHTER
34:08Yes, I did, Rodney.
34:12LAUGHTER
34:12Good-bye.
34:17I don't believe this.
34:19The one job in the paper I really fancied, and it's mine.
34:22LAUGHTER
34:22So, what's going on, then?
34:26You was going to find someone else and get rid of me?
34:28I was going to get rid of...
34:30You were trying to get rid of me, weren't you?
34:32What was that?
34:33No, I haven't got a brother, I...
34:34LAUGHTER
34:35LAUGHTER
34:36If you must know, Rodney,
34:39I was trying to get you some help.
34:41Right, that was all.
34:43But with Cassandra being in a situation that she is,
34:46I thought that any time now you might have to dash off,
34:49so I thought that you could do, with a little bit of help,
34:52take some weight off your shoulders.
34:54I didn't realise.
34:55Thanks, Del.
34:56I'm...
34:57I'm sorry.
34:58It's all right.
34:59Anyway, what is all this, eh, about, you know,
35:02you wanting to get another job?
35:03Oh, it really hit home the other day.
35:06I mean, when a baby's born,
35:07we've got to fill in a birth certificate, right?
35:09And there's a section there that says Father's Occupation.
35:13I thought, what am I going to put, eh?
35:15A gopher.
35:18No.
35:19You are going to put...
35:21Sales Director.
35:24Cos you know what I'm going to do with the business?
35:25I'm going to expand.
35:27Rodney, you're going to be in charge of selling,
35:29I'm going to be in charge of purchasing.
35:31Right?
35:32So what will happen is that you'll be in the marketplace, right,
35:36and you'll be selling.
35:37I'll be up there in the factories and the warehouses,
35:39and I will be buying.
35:40And if you find the line is going particularly well,
35:43all you've got to do is you get on the blower to me,
35:45you see, and you say,
35:46Del boy, buy, buy, buy.
35:49And then you could get on the blower to me
35:52and go, sell, sell, sell.
35:53Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea, eh?
36:04We should have done this ages ago.
36:07Exactly.
36:08It's called expansion.
36:10Yeah, and then we'll streamline the business.
36:13That's right.
36:13That's what we'll do.
36:14We will expand by streamlining.
36:17Come on, let's go down to Sid's calf.
36:20Whenever we reach historic moments like this,
36:22I'll feel like a fry-up.
36:34Sit down.
36:38Sit up to sing.
36:44It's all right, it's good now.
36:46That was a close shame.
36:48It's going to catch us eventually.
36:49Yeah, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
36:52Yeah, Ruddy.
36:56I've been thinking.
36:58What about?
37:00I'm going to have a vasectomy.
37:05I don't know, it's gone down the wrong hole, or what?
37:07Yeah.
37:09A vasectomy?
37:11Keep your voice down, will we?
37:13Yeah.
37:13Well, what does Raquel feel about it?
37:19No, I'm having it.
37:22I know that.
37:24Bloody hell.
37:26I mean, have you discussed it with Raquel?
37:28Yes, of course I have.
37:30Last night in bed, I said, sweetheart, I'm going to have a vasectomy.
37:33So it was quite an in-depth discussion, then?
37:35Well, you know, she's slightly, can't you?
37:38No, I mean, you know, we've thought about it, and I can't really afford another kid.
37:43And we haven't got room in the flat.
37:45Anyway, we both agreed.
37:46What do we want another kid for?
37:48I mean, we've got Damien, he's like two kids rolled into one, isn't he?
37:55Me and Raquel, we've got to, like, look at each other, and she's pretty much gone.
38:01I think, you know, I've got to have a lot of them, you know, loads of them, you know, tadpoles.
38:13Tadpoles?
38:13Oh, yeah, you see them on the telly, you know, don't you, under the microscope.
38:21Oh, yeah, well, I've got loads of them as well.
38:25Doctor said.
38:26Yeah, I know, but the doctor reckons that I've got probably more tadpoles than I've got on the serpent side.
38:34You're going to have it done at the hospital?
38:37Yeah, well, I'm not going to let Trigger do it with his black and decker, am I?
38:43I mean, are you going to the hospital or the local clinic?
38:47Oh, no.
38:49Well, I'll probably go to the clinic.
38:53Rodney, I want your advice.
38:57You know when a lot of rich and successful people, when they have this, you know, thing done,
39:06well, they leave a lot of their, you know, their tadpoles in this bank.
39:10Right?
39:14The thing is, do you think that I ought to do that?
39:21It could, though.
39:24I don't know what Nat West would think about it.
39:26No, not Nat West, not that sort of bank, it's a special bank, isn't it, where they freeze it all?
39:40Oh, the...
39:40You see, thingy, when I'm rich and famous, you know, then they'll be able to use you, won't they?
39:47Because then there'll be lots of little Damien's running about.
39:50No.
39:52No, I mean, um...
39:55Well, you could upset Raquel.
39:57You know, because psychologically, she might think that you were being unfaithful to her, see?
40:02Because you know how a woman's mind works.
40:04Yeah, I never thought of that, Rodders.
40:11Oh, you're all right.
40:13Good thinking.
40:16Hey, well, come on, onwards and upwards.
40:19Here.
40:21Don't you say nothing to nobody about this, all right?
40:24Of course not.
40:25Thank you, Sid. That was... horrible, as usual.
40:33Cheers, Del.
40:37See, Del's having a vasectomy.
40:40A vasectomy?
40:43Del boy's having a vasectomy.
40:45Doctor, I'll be with you in a moment.
40:58Well, yeah, OK. Thank you, nurse.
41:00Oh, no, no.
41:19Oh, I've got to see.
41:21Listen about that paint I sold you for your surgery.
41:23Oh, let's not worry about that.
41:25I have work to do.
41:26Oh, no.
41:30What, uh, nervous are you?
41:36Well, just a tad, you know.
41:38I mean, this is my first time.
41:41Mine too.
41:50My, my, my.
41:53You are a big man, mister.
41:55Don't worry, don't worry.
42:00Oh, thank you.
42:03You should go on a diet.
42:08I always say that just to relax the patient.
42:11Yeah, I've got to remember that one.
42:13Next time I have some bloke's vitals in me hands.
42:17Oh, look.
42:18I'll have to give you a small injection just to numb the area.
42:21Oh, all right. Thank you.
42:22This might stink a bit.
42:29Oh, sure, yeah, I just, uh, oh, I've got a touch of cramp.
42:47Tell me, Raquel, seriously, what do you think about this vasectomy idea?
42:56I don't mind, honest.
42:58All right, Raquel, you win.
42:59I won't have it done.
43:00Sorry, well, I finally put you off having a vasectomy, then.
43:08Didn't have the balls?
43:11No, it wasn't that.
43:14Look, I wasn't frightened.
43:16It was, well, it was a medical reason.
43:20You know, I kept thinking about them tadpoles.
43:23And what about them?
43:24Well, I mean, you know, where do they go?
43:27What do you mean?
43:28Well, look, when you have the operation, it stops them, doesn't it, from going...
43:33from...
43:36well, taking their normal route.
43:39So, where do they go?
43:41Well, are you worried about them hanging around on straight colonies?
43:46All I'm saying is, they've got to go somewhere.
43:50Got to such a point, I thought, well, you know, I'd be frightened to sneeze.
43:53No, I thought.
44:01Ah.
44:03Caught you at last, Mr. Trotter.
44:06Ah, Dr. Singh, how nice to see you again.
44:09Have you seen my surgery recently?
44:13That paint you sold me is peeling off in great chunks.
44:16It's a medical practice, Mr. Trotter.
44:18And it looks as if my walls have got scabies.
44:21My patients are leaving me.
44:23Yeah, well, the thing is, Dr. Singh, we didn't realise until some time after that the paint was ever so slightly out of date.
44:30Eh, do we, Rodney?
44:32No.
44:33No, we spotted it in and we noticed it should have been used by June 1983.
44:37I want something done about it and fast.
44:41Yes, yes, of course, Dr. Singh.
44:43I will send someone from my painting and decorating department round to see you first thing in the morning.
44:48If you don't, Mr. Trotter, I'll be back.
44:51Yes, thank you, Dr. Singh.
44:56Yes, I'm missing you already.
44:59I'll be back.
45:00He always says that.
45:02Do you know what his nickname is?
45:03The Turbinator.
45:08Turbinator.
45:09I can't believe you sometimes.
45:11Dr. Singh is an honest, law-abiding man.
45:14You knew that paint was iffy.
45:16Oh, I'm supposed to be some sort of paint expert now, am I?
45:22Don't give me all that rubbish about him being a law-abiding citizen.
45:25I mean, look at him now.
45:26Look, he's riding that bike with a crash helmet.
45:29Sikh.
45:31Under the law, Sikhs are excused crash hats.
45:34Is he going to fit an helmet over that turbin?
45:37I never thought of that.
45:39I suppose that's why you never see a Sikh astronaut, innit?
45:44Oh, might they do, yeah.
45:46Oh, I'm not wearing it, all right?
45:55No, it's up past five.
45:56That's my going-on time.
45:58Rodney, opportunities don't stop presenting themselves
46:00because Cassandra's got the sprouts on.
46:03Bloody stupid, and I'm not doing it, all right?
46:06Look, Rodney, there are millions of Sikhs out there
46:08riding motorcycles that are going completely unprotected.
46:12But this is going to solve their problem.
46:22Allow me to introduce my new company, TCT.
46:26TCT?
46:26Yes, Trotter's Crash Turbans.
46:28This is our opportunity to do something for our fellow man, Rodney.
46:34It is also an opportunity for you to get rid of them horse-riding crash helmets you've got lumbered with.
46:39Right, well, just hang on, Baz.
46:40It's just a prototype, innit?
46:41It is not a prototype.
46:44It is a show-jumping helmet with one of Raquel's old scarves glued on top.
46:47That is because Raquel is 100% behind this project.
46:52She said to me,
46:52Doughboy, you can have anything you want because I want to do my bit for mankind, she said.
46:58Look.
46:59Look!
47:01I mean...
47:02Look!
47:05I think you look rather dashy.
47:07I'm all like a human cannonball who's just crashed into a washing line.
47:10God, I hate vanity.
47:14Now, you take my word for it, Rodney.
47:16Once you take this over to Wembley and Southall and show the Sikh community this in all its glory...
47:22Take it over and show it to them?
47:24Yes, of course.
47:25Because then we'll sell them by the thousands.
47:27We can then export them to Australia, America, the Far East.
47:31You expect me to go and sell this?
47:32Well, you are my new director of sales, aren't you?
47:36They'll smash my head in.
47:38Of course they won't.
47:40They're a peaceful, loving people.
47:42Anyway, even if they do, I mean, you'll be wearing a trotter crash turban.
47:46Perfect opportunity to prove how effective it is.
47:51You know it, me, sir.
47:52All I know is I'm not stepping out of that front door dressed like this.
47:56All right, Rodney.
47:57Hi, Rackio.
47:59During the war...
47:59Will you shut up?
48:01Won't you see that Rodney and I are in the middle of a very important board meeting?
48:05We don't want to hear stories about U-boats and giant squids.
48:08I was just going to say that during the war I spent some time in India and I got to know a little about the Sikh religion.
48:15What I discovered was that to a Sikh, a turban has mystical powers which are supposed to enter the body.
48:22In other words, it has to be in contact with the head.
48:25Ah, see?
48:27And this ain't in contact with the head because there's a bloody horse-riding helmet in between.
48:31Is it all right?
48:32Well, look, I haven't finalised the design yet, have I?
48:34What I'll do is we'll just get a little piece like this and we'll stuff it up inside there so it is in contact with the head.
48:39There?
48:40Right, Raquel, what do you think?
48:41I can't see it catching on, Del. I mean, what would you wear with it? Is that my scarf?
48:46Look, don't worry. I will buy you another one. Will you please understand, Raquel? This is not a fashion statement.
48:52I guessed that, Derek. I guessed that.
48:54No, it is a safety device.
48:56Del, people would rather be critically injured than wear this.
49:00Answer that, will you?
49:02Look, mark my words. Three months from now you'll be seeing this on Tomorrow's World.
49:06More like Wayne's World.
49:08Oi, I'm not going on Tomorrow's World dressed like this.
49:11Rodney, it's Cassandra's bag for you.
49:13Oh, she's probably been caught in another late meeting. Come on and get some.
49:17Raquel.
49:17All right, now listen to me. They laughed when they invented the airbag, didn't they?
49:22No, they didn't. They were a good invention.
49:24All right, tell me one invention that they did laugh at when it was first seen, then.
49:28That.
49:30Yeah, I'm on my way. Thank you.
49:34What's up, brothers?
49:36I've rushed Cassandra to hospital.
49:40She's had a miscarriage.
49:46All right, brothers. All right, mate.
49:48Come on, calm down. I'm with you. I'm with you.
49:51Stay here, stay here.
49:52Excuse me, can you tell me which ward Mrs Trotter is in, please?
49:55Ah, are you Mr Trotter?
49:56Yes, yes, I am.
49:57Come this way, please.
49:58Yes, OK.
50:01All right, Rodney, come on this way.
50:02Come on.
50:04Oi!
50:04Are you having a laugh with me or something?
50:07I've been here nearly 20 minutes already.
50:10And the only person in this poxy hospital who's spoken to me is this old car.
50:16I'm sorry, sir, but we're very busy.
50:19This way, please.
50:20Come on, Mr. Trotter.
50:21Keep up, Rodney.
50:25Could you put these on, please?
50:26It's just for caution.
50:33Very lovely.
50:34Now, Mrs Trotter is in a single room, number 46, down there on the right.
50:39She is naturally still here.
50:40We don't want her being excited in any way.
50:43No, of course.
50:47Thanks.
50:48All right.
50:49Can I put one on, please?
50:51Oh, you?
50:52I'm my husband.
50:54What do you think?
50:56He's my brother.
50:56What the hell?
51:09Bloody hell am I going to say to her?
51:12Don't worry, Rodney.
51:14Don't worry.
51:15You say something.
51:16It'll just come to you.
51:19Just listen to me, Rodney.
51:22At this specific moment in time, Cassandra, she don't know.
51:26She doesn't need doom and gloom.
51:29She needs you to be optimistic.
51:31I feel optimistic right now, don't I?
51:34I don't care how you feel.
51:35You've just got to be.
51:36You don't care how I feel?
51:38No.
51:39You can do your weeping and crying in the van on the way home.
51:43Right now, you've got to be a rock for Cassandra.
51:46I want you to go in there and I want you to talk to her.
51:51Talk to her about the future.
51:52Not the past or the present, but about the future.
51:56Because, you see, you two...
51:58You two, you've got some really good times to come.
52:04It's strange.
52:04I find that hard to believe right now.
52:07Well, you've got to believe it.
52:08Because it's true.
52:10Right now, Cassandra needs your strength.
52:17Now, you go in there.
52:18I don't want no sobbing, no booing.
52:22You just give her comfort and understanding.
52:25All right.
52:31All right.
52:32Good boy.
52:34Right, you know it makes sense.
52:36Right?
52:36Right.
52:55I'm sorry, Rodney.
53:06You don't want to be silly.
53:29I let you down.
53:30I let everyone down.
53:33Of course you haven't.
53:34It happens, Cass.
53:39It just...
53:40Well, it just happens.
53:44There was nothing you or I could have done.
53:48Pass it, blame yourself, sweetheart.
53:52You haven't let anybody down.
53:55There's...
53:55Has she, Rodney?
53:57Go on, you tell her.
53:58Tell her.
53:58Tell her about this.
53:59Tell her.
54:00Oh, God.
54:02Yeah.
54:02Yeah.
54:02That was not a good time for us to be on our own.
54:15You know, um, discuss a few things.
54:19Yeah, I think you're right, bro.
54:24Cassandra.
54:24Me and Rodney are going outside.
54:32I'm not me and Cassandra.
54:34We'll be on our own.
54:37All right.
54:38Yeah, of course.
54:39Yes, I think.
54:40All right.
54:42I'll see you later, Cassandra.
54:46And...
54:47Yeah.
54:47I'll see you.
54:48I lost our baby.
55:05I can't leave you alone with anything, can I?
55:07No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
55:11They're going to get over this case.
55:15And we are going to win.
55:19Do you know why?
55:22Because we're strong.
55:24We are very, very strong.
55:29Things are going to get better and better and better for us.
55:32I love you, Rodney.
55:36I love you, Cass.
55:42I love you so much.
55:48You sort of burnt me right across the forehead here.
55:51The side of me said it was an air dryer.
55:55It turns out it was an electric paint strip.
55:59Would you like to come with me, Mr Fisher?
56:01Oi, why's he getting seen before me?
56:07I don't know why people bother to pay their national health stamps.
56:11Because if I'd ever had a job, I wouldn't have paid for them.
56:14Would you please keep your voice down?
56:17No!
56:18It's a free country, and I can share as much as I bloody well like.
56:23You're looking after all these bleeding malingerers here
56:26when I should be top of your list.
56:27Now, I took some pills earlier on today.
56:31Now, I've no idea what they were,
56:33because I was drunk.
56:35Now they're starting to upset me a little bit.
56:38You nurses,
56:39you're always whinging, aren't you,
56:41about low wages?
56:43Well, you don't deserve anything better.
56:46Do you hear that?
56:46You're all sodding useless!
56:48Excuse me, sir.
56:50What?
57:02Feeling better, sir?
57:05Yes.
57:06Thank you, Doctor.
57:07You're part of service.
57:11Who's your?
57:14I bet you wish you'd gone private now, don't you?
57:16We've got some half-price crack ties,
57:30some miles and miles of carpet tiles,
57:32TVs, deep freeze,
57:33and David Bowie OPs,
57:35pool games, gold chains,
57:37wuss names,
57:37and Edda Push,
57:38and Trevor Francis,
57:39track suits from a mush,
57:40and Shepard's Bush.
57:41Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush.
57:43No income tax, no VAT,
57:47no money back, no guarantee.
57:50Black or white, rich or broke,
57:53we've cut prices and a straw.
57:59God bless Hooky Street,
58:01Viva Hooky Street,
58:04Long live Hooky Street,
58:06the same magnifique Hooky Street,
58:10the magnifique Hooky Street.
58:13Hooky Street,
58:17Hooky Street,
58:20Hooky Street,
58:23Hooky Street.