- 4 hours ago
First broadcast 23rd October 2003.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Jimmy Carr
Jackie Clune
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Jimmy Carr
Jackie Clune
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, hello and welcome to QI, the programme that was originally entitled Fry's Turkish Delight because it's pink and squashy
00:09and comes immediately before a cigarette.
00:12Let's meet the panel now, who are not merely interesting but a world-class medical curiosity. Alan Davis, Joe Brown,
00:22Jackie Coon and Jimmy Carr.
00:30There are only two rules. Interesting answers get points and obvious answers get penalties. Anyone can butt in at any
00:36time. Joe goes.
00:38Cashier number one, please. Jimmy goes. Cashier number two, please. Jackie goes. Cashier number three, please. Alan goes.
00:51I am very sorry for the severe delay to the age of 17 service. Mr. Everett.
00:57Fingers on the buzzers, please, for the first question, which is, who discovered Australia?
01:08James Cook. Oh, Joe, I'm so sorry.
01:12No, apart from the Aborigines, it was the Chinese who reached it as early as 1432. When Cook arrived, James
01:19Cook, in 1770, not only was he not first, he wasn't a captain either, he was Lieutenant Cook, nor was
01:25he the first European.
01:26The Dutch had got there 150 years before that, nor was he even the first Englishman, who was William Dankier
01:32in 1688.
01:33What's wrong with the Chinese and the Dutch? The Dutch have discovered almost everything first, but they just thought of
01:39as being people, homosexuals, who smoke joints.
01:43Actually, there's a lot more to them than that. A lot more to the Dutch.
01:46What is it with the Chinese that they went round really early on and then never went anywhere to stay
01:51at home and bread ferociously?
01:55We're wandering happily around the globe, and this is a good thing, but I'll just return us to Australia.
01:59It has, of course, been inhabited by Aborigines for at least 40,000 years, possibly as many as 60,000.
02:05So if anyone gets the credit, it should be them. But what nationality were the original Aborigines?
02:16They came across a land bridge, which was later separated by shifting of tectonic plates.
02:26Well, they would have come from Southeast Asia, probably. So I would say they were Chinese.
02:37I know what you think is certainly true, isn't it? Australia was connected.
02:41Separated, which is why they have marsupials and why they have all their own brands of lager.
02:48Exactly. I want you to think not Australia. The first Aborigines were not Australian or anything to do with Australia.
02:53Where was the term Aborigine first used for peoples?
02:57Was it in the Isle of Wight?
03:00A wild stab. It could so easily have been right. No, it wasn't.
03:05It's the word for the indigenous population.
03:08The original Aborigines lived in the part of Italy where Rome now stands.
03:12And they were called Aborigines. And so it, for some reason, has stuck most with the Aboriginal Australasians.
03:18But there are Aboriginal Canadians. You could call the American Indians or Native Americans, you could call them Aborigines if
03:24you wanted.
03:24But it was more fun to call them Redskins. Yes.
03:29I wouldn't try it though in America. You would have your balls turned into a small purse.
03:36You're doing very well. Now, what does some...
03:38A very big purse, I think you're playing.
03:41What am I thinking about it?
03:43And have my balls turned into a rucksack.
03:47Oh dear.
03:50Good. Now...
03:52It is actually possible for the ball sack to be stretched quite beyond recognition.
04:00Like a woman scorned.
04:03The scrotum is quite an interesting thing because the...
04:12The temperature ambit within which human sperm can survive is quite narrow.
04:18Do sperms feel pain?
04:24Are they like fish? We're not sure.
04:27Do they have a nervous system? Do they feel pain?
04:29Well, I have it on good authority that the sperm outside the ball sack, ejaculatum.
04:34Yes.
04:35Will survive for 18 hours.
04:37Now, is that a lingering...
04:38Flopping and flashing a row.
04:40Painful death.
04:40Well, it depends whether they're...
04:42Eventually, like, billions of them dying out one...
04:45Fluffing them over their head.
04:48They prefer the quick death of banging their head on the ceiling and just don't die.
04:55But it depends whether they're male or female sperm.
04:57Boys sperm swim faster but don't live as long.
05:00Are they male and female sperm?
05:02Yes.
05:02Girls sperm do the bloody hoovering and...
05:08I always thought testicles were the perfect environment to test anti-aging cream.
05:16So, what does the word kangaroo mean in the Baganji Aboriginal language of New South Wales?
05:23Yes.
05:24Skippy.
05:25Sweet.
05:26I think I know.
05:28Yes.
05:28Unless it's apocryphal, it might be one of the obvious answers.
05:31I'm slightly nervous about saying it now.
05:32Yes.
05:32Say it, say it.
05:33It doesn't mean I don't know.
05:34Oh!
05:35Oh, dear.
05:36Help!
05:38I've walked into it like a clue.
05:39It is an apocryphal story that...
05:42Tell it.
05:43Well, the story is that when they...
05:45So, the first white settlers went over there.
05:47They sort of saw these enormous jumping things with little...
05:49They saw kangaroos.
05:51And they went, what's that?
05:53And the great one I know.
05:54And the Baganji, I don't know, was kangaroo.
05:57Yes.
05:58That is a story that is put about...
06:00Is that the proper accent?
06:01Or is that your...
06:02I'm sorry.
06:04It's my generic, I'm afraid.
06:06My generic...
06:06My generic original kangaroo there?
06:08Go on, do that again.
06:09Kangaroo.
06:11It sounds authentic.
06:13You don't have a minicab driver.
06:16That's so beautiful.
06:18Now, I'll tell you the story.
06:19In a straightaway, it's sort of less interesting.
06:21But being the truth, it's quite interesting.
06:23In Baganji, what it means is horse.
06:26Because in 18th century Australia, there were 700 Aboriginal tribes
06:30speaking 250 separate languages between them.
06:34Kangaroo comes from the Gugu Imithir language spoken around Botany Bay
06:39and first heard by Europeans on Cook's expedition in 1770.
06:43Now, when the first English settlers arrived 18 years later,
06:47having learned the word kangaroo from these peoples...
06:49Kangaroo.
06:50They arrived in a completely different part of Australia.
06:52Kangaroo, I beg your pardon.
06:53So, wherever they went, they proudly used the word kangaroo
06:56to the locals who, of course, had never heard the word before
06:58because they spoke a different language.
07:00So, the locals, including the Baganji, thought that it must mean
07:04an animal we've never heard of.
07:05So, when they first saw a horse, they thought,
07:07that must be what this strange word kangaroo is.
07:10So, let me whisk you now across the Indian Ocean to Africa,
07:14the cradle of humanity, for this important buzzer question.
07:17What did human beings evolve from?
07:20Yes, Joe.
07:21Apes.
07:21Oh, Joe!
07:23Joe!
07:24Joe!
07:28Homo sapiens and apes both evolved from a common ancestor,
07:32which, unfortunately, we haven't yet discovered.
07:34The missing link.
07:35The missing link.
07:36It's well-known, exactly.
07:36Before that, we're descended from squirrel-like tree shrews,
07:40who were then turned evolved from hedgehogs,
07:42and before that, starfish.
07:45Now, another...
07:46Do you know why there aren't any aspirins in the jungle?
07:50The parrots ate them all.
07:51No.
07:53All right, I'll go.
07:54Are we telling about a jungle-related joke?
07:56Yes.
07:57No, you're not a lion.
07:58Why did the lion get lost?
08:00I don't know.
08:00Because jungle is massive.
08:07How do monkeys make toast?
08:09They put it under a gorilla.
08:13Oh, sorry.
08:14Another African anthropology question.
08:16Now, how did the He-He tribe of Tanzania get their name?
08:22Yes.
08:22Sent off a little coupon in the paper.
08:27I think that you've pronounced that wrong.
08:29I think it's the Hey-Hey.
08:31Hey-Hey.
08:31And they were an early boy band,
08:34and they used to sing Hey-Hey with them.
08:42They're the missing link, you never know.
08:44They are the missing link.
08:45Yeah.
08:46I'm sure that Zaire isn't Zaire anymore.
08:49Well, it's confusing.
08:50It's the Democratic Republic of the Congo is there, isn't it?
08:53Isn't that what that is now?
08:54It's not that democratic.
08:56Democratic, is it?
08:57No, it's definitely not democratic.
08:59He calls himself that.
09:00I think anything with democratic in the name tends not to be at all.
09:03Absolutely.
09:03As a rule.
09:04As a rule.
09:05As a rule.
09:05But if they were going to call it the fascist junta.
09:09Of.
09:09You'd respect them, wouldn't you?
09:11Truth-telling.
09:11You would.
09:12I'd let them in the UN.
09:13The biggest mountain in Africa is the Tanzania.
09:17It's Mount Kilimanjaro.
09:19Yes.
09:19Has a permanent snowy peak.
09:21Could I just pop in a quite interesting thing here.
09:23A friend of mine was playing at Trivial Pursuits once.
09:27And the question she got was, which two countries can you see from the top of Mount Kilimanjaro?
09:32And she said, India and Spain.
09:37Can we have her on next week?
09:39Yes, we can.
09:40Fantastic.
09:41Well, just let me do one more of hers, because it was fantastic.
09:44She got a question, what was the other name for the Northern Lights?
09:47And she said, Blackpool.
09:52It's a really good website you can go on, which is True Answers from Family Fortunes.
09:58Oh, brilliant.
09:59Fantastic.
10:00And there was one, this person was asked, name a bird with a long neck.
10:04And they said, Naomi Campbell.
10:08I was very keen on the name of dangerous race.
10:11Oh, the Arabs?
10:12Yeah.
10:14Oh, really?
10:15Yeah.
10:16I watched that Anne Robinson one.
10:20Weekest Link.
10:20Weekest Link.
10:21And she said, which member of the royal family appeared on a question of sport in 1979?
10:28Princess Anne.
10:29Yes.
10:29The answer that the person gave was Ricky Tomlinson.
10:36I like that.
10:41Good old Britain.
10:43Here we are.
10:43Yes.
10:43Now, back.
10:44So, how did the Hihi tribe of Tanzania get its name?
10:47Answer, it was its war cry.
10:49It had a feared battle cry.
10:50The Hihi people were the dominant military force in the region in the late 19th century,
10:55and the most successful at resisting colonization by the Germans.
10:59Not as amusing as they sound.
11:01In Swaziland, not far away, there is only one museum, and it is bad manners to shield one's
11:07eyes from the sun with one hand, and forbidden to point at the king's hut.
11:13National service in Swaziland consists of weeding the king's millet fields for two weeks a year.
11:19The penalty for not showing up is a fine of one cow.
11:23It's a very difficult rule to enforce, they're not pointing at the king's hut.
11:27Yes.
11:27Because how do you explain to people?
11:29Where it is.
11:30Don't point at the king's hut.
11:31Where is it?
11:32And they go, which one's the king's hut?
11:33And they go, that one.
11:36I can't believe it.
11:37Terrible business.
11:38Now, explain to me, why did the speaker of the Swazi parliament lose his job in June 2000?
11:44He shielded his eyes and went, that's the king's hut, that is.
11:48The colony of Swaziland is run on one thing really and one thing alone, and that is the cow.
11:53Did he steal the king's hut?
11:55No, he didn't.
11:56I'll tell you what he did.
11:57He stole a cow's hut belonging to his majesty, King Unswati III.
12:02Mr Dlamini took the item from the royal kraal to help him perform a magic spell
12:07to benefit both the whole country and his majesty in person, or so he alleged in his defence.
12:11The king of Swaziland is an absolute monarch, who rules jointly with his mother, known as the Great She Elephant.
12:19Whenever he rises from his seat, he must be greeted with cheers and gasps of astounded admiration.
12:25I know an interesting fact about his mum.
12:27The Great She Elephant?
12:28Yes.
12:28She's got a really good memory.
12:33Joe, you're having a wonderful time with yourself.
12:36Now, anthropology is the study of mankind and all its diversity.
12:40So tell me, which hand did King Henry VIII of England wipe his bottom with?
12:46Yes.
12:47And Boleyns.
12:50Lovely image.
12:51Yes, Joe?
12:52Can I suggest, in the hope, as I get a wah-wah, that he use someone else's, the servant?
12:57No, you get your full, I'll give you five points, that's absolutely right.
13:02I bet that it's one of those jobs that's so unpleasant and awful, it's actually given really high status in
13:08the royal household.
13:09You are absolutely right.
13:12Make it bearable, you get all kinds of downstairs privileges.
13:15Anastocats would fight over this job.
13:16Were you the keeper of the king's chocolate starfish?
13:21Well, no, you're called the groom of the stool.
13:27Palace assistant, despite its disgusting sounding nature, it was a hugely important position, as Anna has intimated and gets two
13:33points for doing so.
13:34The autocue says, it was a big job, but I'm not going to read that.
13:39Incidentally, there is, ladies and gentlemen, the...
13:42The groom of the stool.
13:43The groom of the stool, Sir Anthony Denny, who was the longest-running groom of the stool.
13:47Did he, did he think he bent over and put his bottom out, or did he roll on his back
13:50and put his knees right...
13:53Do you know, I'd rather not think about it.
13:56Did they have a kind of royal changing mat for the king to lie down on?
14:00Well, I'm sure they had the...
14:01Get a bucket of water and go...
14:06Well, it was a much-priced job because the amount of access, the amount of time one got to spend
14:11with the king.
14:12Another sought-after and rather cushier task in the king's chamber was warming his shirt before he put it on
14:18in the morning.
14:19Now, to something completely other.
14:22In 1879, Dr James Murray began work on the first Oxford English Dictionary as a four-volume, 6,400-page
14:29work that he estimated would take about ten years to write.
14:33However, five years later, he and his tiny staff had only got as far as Ant.
14:37In the end, the dictionary took 45 years, 38 of them under Murray, and was only completed 13 years after
14:44his death.
14:45The second volume, Ant to Batten, appeared in 1885 and it contained the word arthropod.
14:52Does anyone have the faintest clue what an arthropod might be?
14:57Is he a character in EastEnders?
14:59No, he's not arthropod.
15:01Did you know that the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary does not contain the word gullible?
15:07Is that really true?
15:09Oh!
15:12It's really, really, really powerful.
15:16It's such an enormous, enormous brain, but there is, it's a bit like when you're reversing the car, there's a
15:21blind spot.
15:22There is.
15:24I'll give you a, I'll give you a five points if you can tell me the word that has, takes
15:29up the most pages to define in the OED.
15:32The.
15:32The.
15:32No.
15:33There's only one riddle meaning of the word the, isn't there?
15:35It won't take that long to be fine.
15:39I'm sorry.
15:40I didn't mean to humiliate you, but I mean, it's obviously a word that has to write lots of different
15:45meanings that take up quite a lot of explanation.
15:47And the really, you know, it's not also a name for a type of watering can or a nose flute
15:52or, it can't be a verb.
15:53This word, this could be a verb and it could be a noun, it could be an adjective.
15:56Not B, as in double E's, again, there are not many meanings for the three other words.
16:01No, I'll tell you, it's interesting, if you look it up in the OED.
16:04No, it's...
16:06It's set.
16:07S-E-T.
16:09It goes on for pages and pages.
16:11Murray personally supervised the word set in a little shed he had in his garden.
16:15Is an arthropod some kind of a creature with legs?
16:19You're absolutely right, because the pod tells us that, the reason it's important and we should know it is that
16:2385% of all creatures, maybe 84% if you stretch it a bit, but 84% at least of
16:28all creatures on Earth are arthropods.
16:30Arthro, as in arthritis, is a jointed, joint.
16:33A jointed leg.
16:34Let me tell you, there are more than a million species of arthropods, butterflies, lobsters, woodlice, cicadas, bees, cockroaches, spiders,
16:42scorpions, prawns, praying mantises, crabs, beetles, centipedes, millipedes, crayfish, mayflies, mites, ticks, fleas, earwigs and ants.
16:50Did you say it was a million? You're not going to do the whole list, are you?
16:53No.
16:54What is rather distinguished about a male European earwig?
17:00Yes, the moustache.
17:02It is a part of the body, but it's not the moustache.
17:05Is he graying at the temples?
17:10Does he wear a monocle?
17:13No, it's none of those things.
17:15They're very, very well-endowed.
17:17Immensely well-endowed, in fact.
17:18But that's not...
17:18The best of all the arthropods.
17:20Lots of arthropods are well-endowed.
17:21So well-endowed that it goes all the way up their body and then along their sleeve.
17:25Almost true.
17:26It's actually longer than its body, its penis, which seems rather odd.
17:30The penis is longer.
17:31Yes, but even more astoundingly, not only does it have this very long member, which is over a centimetre long,
17:37which embodies a centimetre.
17:38Over a centimetre?
17:39But it has two of them.
17:42In relation...
17:44Well, that is a bit showy, isn't it?
17:49In relation...
17:50Is that on the slacks?
17:53In relation to its size, I mean...
17:56Yes.
17:57No.
17:58But the really extraordinary thing is it has a spare one.
18:01A spare penis?
18:02It has a spare penis.
18:04A spare penis.
18:06And that's...
18:06In case it catches it in its eyes.
18:08It has.
18:08This was only discovered very recently, and it is quite interesting.
18:10It was discovered in Tokyo, in case the first one snaps off.
18:13What happened was, and this does say something about scientists, these Japanese scientists were watching two European earwigs copulating.
18:21They were watching copulate, yes.
18:23And they thought, what would happen if we just pinched the back of the male on top, which is a
18:29rather cruel and odd thing to want to do.
18:30They did, and shocked and startled, the male earwig backed off, and was distressed, or at least the onlookers were
18:37distressed to see that it had left its penis behind in Mrs. Earwig.
18:40But, the really...
18:41He's laughing about them things.
18:42Another penis instantly replaced it from inside its body and shot out.
18:46No one knows if that would happen with humans.
18:50Let's not try.
18:51As far as I know, no one's penis is...
18:53I have tried that.
18:53Have you snapped off a willy?
18:54I snapped off my husband's last night.
18:56Yes.
18:58Another one didn't appear, I'm afraid, but a sandwich did, so that...
19:05Now...
19:05It's not a sentence I thought I'd say when I woke up this morning, but I wouldn't mind seeing a
19:08little bit of earwig porn then.
19:12See, because normally it's one guy with two girls, it's a little bit all over the place, but that would
19:15even things out nicely.
19:16Exactly.
19:17I've seen one of those on the interweb.
19:19Have you?
19:20A man with two knobs.
19:22Really?
19:22Yeah.
19:23And the girl had one in each hand like that.
19:26Well...
19:26Are you sure she wasn't sitting on a space hopper?
19:31That'd be good.
19:33That'd be good.
19:34If you'd serve space hopper on Google, you'd never know what...
19:38Heavens above.
19:39I have an Australian girlfriend who has two vaginas.
19:43She went to have a smear test and the doctor said,
19:45Well, you've got some good news and some bad news.
19:47You've got some pre-cancerous cells, but they're only in one of your vaginas.
19:53And she said, oh, I'm saving the other one for that special man.
19:58Is it fully equipped inside?
19:59Do you have two clitorises?
20:00Fully equipped?
20:00I don't think she's got a photo.
20:01No, no, clitorises on the outside, Stephen.
20:04Oh, is it?
20:04Oh, see, this is where I...
20:06This is where I really do clearly agree.
20:10You're not really in this joint of business.
20:12No.
20:12I don't feel you're expressing rather an unnatural interest.
20:17Fools!
20:18I'm not like you.
20:19No, well, I'm curious.
20:20I'll press my nose into anything.
20:22So...
20:24What do you call an insect that sucks?
20:29Ulrika Johnson.
20:39A rubbish insect.
20:42It sucks.
20:43Very good.
20:44It sucks.
20:44What, you mean it sucks up...?
20:46I know that the stingray sucks food up from the seabed.
20:50Yeah, it's more of a fish than an insect, but...
20:52It can suck...
20:53It can locate and suck up food from a foot below the surface of the seabed.
20:58It's what we in the gay community call a bottom feeder.
21:02Yes?
21:03Can I be in the gay community?
21:05Oh, very well.
21:07Can I be an arthropod and in the gay community?
21:09It's a very specialist area, but I'm sure there are many websites devoted to it.
21:13The gay arthropods.
21:15The gay arthropods.
21:17It sucks.
21:18Yes, it sucks.
21:20You'll be very surprised by the answer, yeah?
21:21The answer is a bug.
21:22I'll go, hello.
21:23But unlike other insects, all bugs have piercing and sucking mouth parts.
21:28The word is not just a general name for a creepy crawly.
21:31It has a strict biological and scientific sense of bug.
21:34No, you didn't know that, did you?
21:35So, fingers on the buzzers, please, for one last question on arthropods.
21:39How many legs does a millipede have?
21:42Yes, Jo?
21:42A thousand.
21:43Oh, I don't believe it, Jo.
21:44I don't believe it.
21:45I do not believe it.
21:49Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
21:51I'm so sorry.
21:52No known millipede has ever been discovered with as many as a thousand legs.
21:56The one with the most is the South African millipede and has 710.
22:00Fingers on the buzzers, please, for another mind-boggling demonstration of general ignorance.
22:04What colour is water?
22:06It has no colour, it's clear.
22:09Oh, my dear fellow, I'm so sorry.
22:11Oh dear, colourless, no.
22:13No, water, you'd be surprised.
22:15It is blue, I'm afraid.
22:16You lose your marks for that, but I'll give you five back for knowing it is blue.
22:20It's blue.
22:21You have to have a lot of it to see that it's blue.
22:23And a lot of water, of course, looks blue because the sky is reflected in it.
22:26But actually, water is, in fact, blue. Slightly blue.
22:29Now, have more people been killed by atomic bombs or by ducks?
22:33Yes.
22:34Is this in the world ever or Nagasaki 1945?
22:39Because I think I know the answer if it's Nagasaki 1945.
22:42No, it isn't. No, it's...
22:44It must be ducks or you wouldn't ask.
22:46Exactly. It is ducks. It is ducks. It is ducks.
22:49I can tell you why.
22:50Yes, tell me why.
22:50Well, recently, it's going into jet engines, isn't it?
22:53They've taken a couple of planes out.
22:54They may...
22:55A duck may have taken a couple of planes out.
22:56It wouldn't quite account for the hundreds of thousands who died in Nagasaki and Hiroshima, though, would it?
23:00Was it that many?
23:01Oh, yes, there was a lot of people. A lot of people. And indeed...
23:03Sorry about that.
23:03Hard to... No, it's not.
23:05It wasn't asking for the Americans.
23:07No, ducks...
23:08You see, ducks were actually responsible for the outbreak of the Spanish flu that killed 25 million people in 1918
23:13and 1919.
23:15More than died from military causes in World War I.
23:18And a hundred times more than those were killed...
23:20How exactly were they responsible?
23:22Well, they passed the disease on to man.
23:24They were the typhoid Mary, if you like, of the... of Spanish influenza.
23:28Did ducks sneeze?
23:31Yes, probably.
23:32Something like that.
23:33It would be...
23:33No, I think they can't.
23:34I'll do my best, Alan. Come on.
23:37It was brilliant to admit it was unexpected.
23:39Yes, sorry.
23:40Hi.
23:41What buries its head in the sand?
23:43Joe.
23:44I have to finish my triumph off tonight and say the ostrich.
23:49Well, my goodness me, I'm wrong you are.
23:51No, ostriches have never been known to bury their head in the sand at all, ever.
23:54They would suffocate if they did so.
23:55Invented by an old friend of this programme, Clint the Elder.
23:58How do these myths get started?
23:59They do have a way of scanning the horizon by lowering their necks and lowering their heads to the ground
24:05level and looking around for enemies.
24:08And also their legs are back to front.
24:10Yeah.
24:10If you say an ostrich is running backwards, it looks like a person.
24:14They run over 40 miles an hour, don't they?
24:16It looks like a person.
24:17The legs look like a person.
24:19You'd be going out with some dodgy birds, hadn't you?
24:23Let's just move on.
24:24Who invented rubber boots?
24:26Yes.
24:28The Duke of Wellington.
24:28Oh, well done.
24:32Oh, well done.
24:33Hooray.
24:34No, I'll tell you the answer.
24:36It was Amazonian Indians, in fact.
24:39The boots designed and named after the Duke of Wellington, Joe, were made of leather.
24:43Rubber was a disastrous failure for clothing when it was first tried because it either melted all over you in
24:48hot weather
24:49or set as hard as granite in winter until Charles Goodyear, not done if it was Charles Goodyear,
24:55invented the process of vulcanisation by accident in the 1840s.
24:58He licensed the making of...
25:00Tell us how your father pronounces volvic.
25:03Oh, volvic, he pronounces valvic.
25:05I'm sorry, it's a valvic water, but that's enough.
25:07Yeah, they pronounce it volvo.
25:09And valvos, he calls them valvos.
25:11So if he says I'd scratched my volvo.
25:15Yes, that's right.
25:16And it's recently gone infracervix, yeah.
25:26It just means fierce heat, like volcanoes, so it was called vulcanisation, not actually...
25:30Vulcanised rubber will come from that.
25:32Vulcanised rubber, and he invented it, Charles Goodyear.
25:34He was a terribly sad man, actually.
25:36It was a really...
25:37He lived all his life in appalling poverty, and his one aim was to find a way of making rubber
25:41the useful material it now is.
25:44And he succeeded by accident, supposedly, the story goes, spilling this mixture of rubber he was playing with on his
25:49wife's hot stove, and noticing suddenly when it had been heated that it had these amazing properties.
25:54And he licensed it, but he was ripped off by everybody.
25:56Vulcanisation was used by someone else.
25:59And the, all right, yes.
26:02Little tableau vivant of Charles Goodyear.
26:05You could be honoring vulcanisation.
26:07But even the name, even the Goodyear, the Goodyear Tire Company was just named after him because the founders of
26:13it admired him, he didn't get a cent for it.
26:15But we remember him here, and honour him on this programme.
26:17Charles Goodyear.
26:18Harry Hill used to do it, don't worry.
26:19Yes, thank you.
26:20A round of applause for the time.
26:23Amazonian Indians, since time immemorial, have made instant gumboots by standing knee-deep in liquid latex until it dries.
26:30So, on that last anthropological note, it's time for the embarrassing business of the final scores.
26:35Ah.
26:36I'm going to do it in reverse order.
26:38Tonight's winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Jackie Clune with five points.
26:46And second, Alan Davis with zero.
26:49Yes.
26:53In third place with minus one, it's Jimmy Carr, ladies and gentlemen.
26:59And in fourth place with a staggering minus 38, it's Joe Goodyear.
27:12So, that's it from QI for this week.
27:14It only remains for me to thank Jackie, Alan, Joe and Jimmy, and to add something quite interesting to end
27:19on.
27:19In this case, a letter from the Daily Mirror.
27:22Also concerning anthropology, in a way, there were four of us, it goes, in the doctor's waiting room, when in
27:27walked a Pakistani gentleman.
27:29He was about to go straight into the surgery, when a woman jumped up and grabbed his arm, saying in
27:34very deliberate English,
27:35We are before you, you take your turn, understand?
27:42The Pakistani, in equally deliberate English, replied,
27:45No, you are after me.
27:48Me doctor, understand?
27:50Good night.
Comments