- 7 hours ago
First broadcast 27th October 2006.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Jimmy Carr
Phill Jupitus
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
John Sessions
Jimmy Carr
Phill Jupitus
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hello, hello, hello, and welcome. Welcome to another happy half hour at the pub quiz from hell.
00:09I'm my host, of course, and here's your round. A small, dry, white one.
00:19A large one.
00:24Is this your car, sir?
00:30And, of course, I'll be having my usual.
00:35Welcome to the four bells, gentlemen.
00:38John goes.
00:40Jimmy goes.
00:43Phil goes.
00:47And Alan goes.
01:11Now, what would you do, or what should you do, if a bird knocks over your dominoes?
01:17This actually happened.
01:19Oh, you know this?
01:20Yeah.
01:20Tell.
01:20A bird flew in and knocked over some dominoes.
01:25It was, uh, I think it was in Holland, and there were about 20,000 of them.
01:29Yeah, that is fantastic.
01:31There were 23,000, and it was in Holland.
01:32Absolutely right.
01:37There's one little house sparrow flew into the Frisian conference centre in Lee Vorden.
01:43And he knocked, it would have been more, because they were going for a world record.
01:47It was domino day, 2005.
01:50And they were going for 5 million, but he knocked over only 23,000, because they had left gaps.
01:56You can't imagine that the Dutch would have been that bothered, though.
01:59Oh, sure, a bird has knocked over a dominoes.
02:01Never mind.
02:02Let us go to the M. Frank Museum.
02:04Well, in fact, what they did is they called for one Duke Fauna Beher, who came in with
02:11a net and tried to trap the bird, because they were terrified.
02:13He was still in the building.
02:14He was going to knock over more.
02:15Bizarrely, Fauna Beher means animal manager in Dutch.
02:19Fauna is fauna, and Beher means a manager.
02:21Anyway, and he tried and tried and tried, and then he shot it.
02:25And he was fined 200 euros for the crime of killing a member of an endangered species,
02:31the house sparrow.
02:32I've had some bird problems recently.
02:33I have pigeons have suddenly decided to live in my balcony in great quantities.
02:38There were nests and feathers and shit everywhere.
02:40It was like Jackson Pollock had been doing it all.
02:43And I went to see somebody about it.
02:44They said, oh, you know what you need.
02:46You need a kestrel.
02:50And also, at the time, John was hosting a massive domino party.
02:55It went horribly wrong, Philip, I can tell you.
02:58I love the image of Sessions sat at home watching television, kestrel on the arm.
03:03Blindly pretty.
03:05You could pull it off, though, couldn't you?
03:06A kestrel, I mean, I'm sure he'd love it, but...
03:11You're barred.
03:14Well, amazingly, the Dutch animal rights people got very, very upset about the death of this one sparrow.
03:19And this year, they are actually opening a special house sparrow display, and the stuffed dead sparrow will start.
03:27Is that up against the Anne Frank house?
03:29It is.
03:30Because I don't think it's as bad.
03:31That's a more plausible image of the Nazis creeping into Anne Frank's house, and she knocks the dominoes over, and
03:36suddenly they are...
03:38Brrrrrrrr.
03:39I've been in the loft of Rogers, haven't I?
03:41Let's go to the loft, I hear a dominoe.
03:45He's naughty.
03:46Funny accent.
03:47I know.
03:48I've never met any, I've only ever seen Hello, Hello, so not got a lot to face in mind.
03:53We can move on, anyone fancy a game of arrows, while we're in the pub, on the occy, then, what
03:58begins with D, and is something you always see the players doing in darts matches?
04:04Johnny.
04:05A dangly wrist.
04:07The great darts player always, before they wobble their stomach, they do this with their wrist.
04:14I'm afraid, it's an unfortunate...
04:16What kind of pubs have you been playing darts in?
04:19Oh, hello.
04:20Yes, I'm very nice of that.
04:23No, Jimmy, no, it's 2006.
04:25What did, er...
04:26We can't be doing Hello Ducky, can we?
04:29Is there some word that they use that means throwing the darts, or is it darting?
04:34Well, what you've done is you've cleverly avoided our trap, which was drinking, because that's what they don't do.
04:40It's actually against the rules of competition darts to drink during a game of darts.
04:45When they first televised it, they would drink quite a lot while they were playing, then the game fell into
04:49decline, and it was that fell-whore comedy that was responsible.
04:55Darting.
04:55You join us during the final stages of this truly titanic struggle, between Die Fat Belly Goodbucket, and the English
05:07Champion Tommy Even-Fatter-Belly Belcher.
05:10It's game on.
05:14It's a good start.
05:16Double vodka.
05:21Single paint.
05:29Another double vodka.
05:32100 milligrams.
05:35100 milligrams.
05:38This was such a problem, this sketch, apparently, for the public perception of darts, that it fell into decline, and
05:44became regarded as a slobby game for drunkards.
05:46You know in Holland, they play in schools?
05:48Well, they have the great Raymond van Barneveld, who's won the darts many times.
05:52I remember the commentator saying, he's quite a man.
05:56He is.
05:56In his spare time, he studies the universe.
06:02Who's the famous darts commentator, do you remember?
06:04Sid Waddell.
06:05Sid Waddell.
06:05Is it double first history, something like that?
06:07He certainly read history at Cambridge University, and has said some famous and extraordinary things in his time.
06:12There's only one word for that, magic dart.
06:16That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.
06:20Alexander the Great conquered the world at 33, Eric Bristow is only 32.
06:27Absolutely.
06:28He actually was slightly more poetic.
06:29When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears that there were no more worlds to conquer.
06:35Eric Bristow is only 27.
06:38And then you have the rather odd one.
06:40He's as happy as a penguin in a microwave.
06:46There are other things you're not allowed to do.
06:48In darts, you're not allowed to wear a hat.
06:50Unless you are...
06:52Yes.
06:53A bishop.
06:55You're in a righteous kind of area.
06:57It's a religious reason.
06:58A seek is the right answer.
07:00Help yourself to a point or two.
07:01But is a seek a hat?
07:02A seek isn't a hat.
07:03A seek isn't a hat.
07:05But is a turban a hat?
07:07I can see you've been trying to wear Sikhs, haven't you?
07:10There are three more about this phenomenon in the book,
07:13The Man Who Turned an Eastern Religion Into a Hat.
07:18No.
07:19A turban isn't a hat officially, I suppose.
07:20It's not really a hat.
07:21It's a head joy of one kind.
07:23Now, what do these people have in common?
07:26Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, Picasso, Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec, Degas, Manet, Strindberg, Baudelaire, Rambeau, Verlaine, Kylie Minogue.
07:41Go on with you.
07:43Darts fans!
07:46It's possible.
07:48A lot of these people collected in one place.
07:50What's something to do with Paris?
07:52How's in Paris?
07:53It's associated with Paris in a particular epoch.
07:55The whole bohemian world of Paris artists.
07:58I take your point, but the Minogue is throwing us a little.
08:01Yeah.
08:02Nicole Kidman looked a bit like her in Moulin Rouge.
08:04She was in Moulin Rouge, Kylie.
08:06She played a sort of symbolic role.
08:08She was the windmill.
08:10No.
08:12What does Moulin Rouge mean?
08:14What does Moulin Rouge mean?
08:15It means red windmill.
08:16Moulin Rouge.
08:16And she played something green.
08:18The green fairy.
08:20Does that help you?
08:21What is the green fairy?
08:22Absinthe!
08:23Absinthe!
08:24Take a thumbs up.
08:25Not as many as you could have ever.
08:27Yeah.
08:30La Fée verte is a French nickname for absinthe.
08:34What do we know about absinthe?
08:35It drives you completely crackers.
08:37And that's why most of the great French symbolist poets went barking on it.
08:41Yes, and a lot of the artists.
08:43And that's a Toulouse-Lautrec.
08:44Yeah.
08:44With the green glass in the foreground.
08:46Yes.
08:46I had some in a bar in Manchester and they made it over a hot spoon.
08:49Yes, they do it over a hot spoon with sugar.
08:51Melting the sugar, didn't they?
08:52Yeah.
08:52And it was tranny night.
08:53But do you know what makes it?
08:56And I enjoyed it much more after the absinthe.
09:01As, what was it, Ernest Dalton said?
09:02Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
09:06It does make you go a little bit flighty and a bit giddy.
09:09It does.
09:09And do you know what the ingredient is that makes it do that?
09:12Heroin.
09:12No, it's not heroin.
09:14Is it mint?
09:18Probably mint is very fresh.
09:19It sort of clears the sinuses and you go f***ing mental.
09:22It's a plant whose Latin name is Artemisia, but it's better known by the good biblical name of wormwood.
09:28And the word vermouth is the same cognate.
09:31Verm, meaning as in vermicelli.
09:33Well, obviously, yes.
09:34Worm.
09:35And so, it was in the 18th century that a man called Dr. Ordinaire, rather bizarrely, first patented a drink
09:43using aniseed and this thing and copper sulphate as a colour which is not very good for you to make
09:47it even greener.
09:48Yeah.
09:49And he had a cousin who really made a fortune on it until it was banned by the French in
09:531915.
09:54I wonder if you can guess the cousin's name.
09:56It's a very famous name amongst drinks in France because he then...
10:00Pernot is the right answer.
10:02Yeah.
10:02Well, what happened is they banned it in 1915 and then in 1926, after applying vigorously, Monsieur Ricard and Monsieur
10:08Pernot and the other makers of what had been the dangerous abthans said,
10:11can we make it this time without the wormwood and just make an aniseed spirituous liquor and they said, all
10:16right.
10:17And that is now the staple that we drink in Parisian cafes.
10:20Pastis.
10:21Pastis.
10:21So, yes, that's your absinthe.
10:23It was banned in Belgium first in 1905 and then in Switzerland in 1912.
10:28But when was it banned in Britain?
10:311897.
10:32No.
10:33I don't think it ever, has it ever been banned?
10:34You're getting points all the way along the line, Mr. Davies, it's quite right.
10:38It's never been banned in Britain.
10:39People didn't really like it.
10:40Always been legal.
10:40No, never caught on.
10:41Are you familiar with the phrase, the great binge?
10:44My 40th birthday.
10:47The term cultural and social historians give to the period 1870 to 1914.
10:52Absinthe was sweeping Europe.
10:54Your fizzy drink had cocaine in it.
10:56Your throat pastels had heroin in them.
10:58There's morphine available as a gel.
11:00All of them from the local corner shop.
11:02Sorry, go back to the throat pastels.
11:04Yes.
11:05That sounds fantastic.
11:06Yes.
11:07Got a little bit of a tickle, have you?
11:08I've seen heroin.
11:09Done.
11:10Harrods.
11:11Let me tell you about Harrods.
11:11They had a kit which they described as a welcome present for friends at the front to be sent to
11:17soldiers in the trenches,
11:18containing cocaine, morphine, syringes and needles.
11:22Of course, the famous thing about heroin is the fact it's a brand name, isn't it?
11:25Well done.
11:26I was going to ask that very question.
11:27Do you know who held it?
11:28It was the heroin company.
11:31It was Bayer, B-A-Y-E-R, who also patented aspirin.
11:35I mean, in 1898, there were a quarter of a million heroin addicts in the USA, which is twice as
11:41many per head of population as there are now.
11:43So, I mean, it really was the great binge.
11:46Animal tests have proven heroin to be 100% non-addictive.
11:51The Boston Medical and Surgical Journal wrote in 1900,
11:54it possesses many advantages over morphine, it's not hypnotic and there's no danger of acquiring a habit.
12:01Absinthe, anyway, absinthe.
12:02Painted by Picasso, Degas, Manet and Toulouse the Trek, copiously consumed by all the rest,
12:07except for Carly Minot, who, as you pointed out, played the character absinthe or the green fairy in the film
12:12Moulin Rouge.
12:12Now, what's a vomit comet?
12:15Yay.
12:16Is it a new alcoholic snooker player?
12:19No, it isn't.
12:19Or is it a branch of electrical retailers in Slough?
12:23Good. Thank you.
12:24If you don't feel very well in space, and you throw up out of the window.
12:31You started so well, now then.
12:34Then you suggested the idea of a window that you could open in a space capsule.
12:37Well, I'm assuming there'd be an airlock.
12:41Or maybe you'd just have your own helmet and then vomit out of it.
12:45It's a plane that they train astronauts on.
12:47You're absolutely right, Phil.
12:49Jupiter's help is up to some points.
12:50They float about, and they throw up, and they bring them down again.
12:52Exactly right.
12:53Covered in their own business.
12:54It's exactly right.
12:58Well done.
13:00It's a military spec 707, and it does parabola flights.
13:04It does about 30 or 40 in a mission.
13:06They've shot about 20 minutes of footage for Apollo 13 in it,
13:11but they could only do it in 60-second chunks,
13:13because that's as much as you're allowed to be weightless
13:16before they have to bring you back there.
13:17You're absolutely right.
13:18It's actually even less than 60 seconds.
13:19Yeah.
13:19Yeah, it's about 40 seconds.
13:20It must be padded.
13:22Well, you don't need to,
13:23because you don't really hit it with any force when you're weightless.
13:26Well, I imagine when you start being weightless.
13:27It comes back slowly, I guess, because of the problem.
13:30You go from...
13:30It's also covered in six.
13:31It is.
13:32Go from zero G...
13:33Interesting point from a personal point of view.
13:35If you weight a lot, are you more weightless?
13:41We have the interesting physical question of the difference between mass and weight.
13:45Weight is a phenomenon that doesn't exist except by virtue of gravity,
13:48because we live in one G.
13:50Tell that to society, right?
13:54Yeah.
14:02Fatness, on the other hand, is a completely different issue.
14:04It doesn't alter.
14:06I can do that.
14:08It doesn't alter whether you're weightless or not.
14:11So if you went into space in a spaceship, quite a large spaceship,
14:14when you had a mouse and an elephant...
14:17They were both the way the same, because they were both way zero.
14:20Would they both become weightless at the same time?
14:21Yeah.
14:22Or would the mouse lift off quickly and then towards the elephant?
14:27Well, anyway, you're absolutely right about the vomit comet,
14:29and it was used to train astronauts in weightlessness.
14:31About a third of them would get incredibly sick.
14:34About a third moderately and a third not at all.
14:36But supposedly it was the anxiety rather than the actual experience that made them sick.
14:41So, what do you know about the great stink?
14:43Johnny.
14:44Still in 1858.
14:46Yes.
14:47Parliament, in this country, was trying to be held,
14:51and the smell of crap coming from the Thames was so appalling
14:58that they tried to get round it by hanging curtains dipped in lime.
15:03That's right.
15:04But it was still pretty terrible as you can imagine.
15:07And, so then they had to turn to the man whose descendants
15:12eventually invented Big Brother.
15:14Basil Jack.
15:15The Great Stink was in 1858.
15:17Yeah.
15:17I'd love to have been in Parliament that day, wouldn't it be great?
15:19And I put it to the Honourable Member
15:22that he who smelled it, dealt it.
15:31I mean, of course, there was no sewage system in 1858 to speak of.
15:35They used the underground rivers, the fleets, and so on.
15:37And the turds built up.
15:39There'd been three huge cholera epidemics.
15:40One percent of all the population of London had been killed in cholera.
15:44Is cholera a smelly thing?
15:46No, but it goes where smell is.
15:48And that's the point.
15:49At the time, everybody believed it.
15:50Even the most senior doctors believed that disease was spread by smell.
15:54I still think that.
15:55Well, indeed, a lot of people do.
15:58Because so often, where there is something terrible like typhoid or cholera,
16:01there is also an awful smell.
16:03Because let's face it, these are fecally borne diseases.
16:05And it's when shit gets into water and people drink the water that they get typhoid or cholera.
16:10People smell it.
16:11And of course, they had no microscopic evidence of the fact that there were parasites or bacilli or germs of
16:16any kind.
16:17So they naturally thought, this is causing a terrible smell.
16:19So to get rid of the smell, we will have sewers that take everything away underground,
16:23which is the greatest sewage system that had ever been built in London.
16:27Miles, thousands of miles of drains.
16:29The embankment was built there in front of us and next to this studio.
16:32Putney Bridge, many other bridges, huge pumping stations, vast areas of London.
16:37It was the biggest civil engineering job ever undertaken by this man, Joseph Bazalgette,
16:41whose great-great-grandson, oddly enough, now runs Edna Mall and is busy pumping shit back into Ireland.
16:46But that's another matter.
16:55So, anyway, we've had the great binge, the great stink.
16:58What's the great drink, specifically in Burnley, Lancashire?
17:04Ro-hypnol and Coke.
17:06Whoa!
17:08So that's Slough and Burnley off the list.
17:13Is it Yorkshireman's blood, Whippet Piss?
17:18It is a really, really bizarre answer.
17:21If you don't know this, you'll be astonished.
17:22This place drinks more of this particular drink than anywhere else in the world,
17:25but it's not a British drink.
17:27It's because of the East Lancashire Regiment in the Second World War
17:30or was stationed in a particular part of the world where they developed a taste for this drink
17:33and they brought it back home to Burnley.
17:35It's a liqueur.
17:37Is this?
17:37It's not even a...
17:38Is it Curacao?
17:39It's not Curacao.
17:40Cointreux.
17:41It's not Cointreux.
17:42Is it Bailey's?
17:43It's not...
17:43No.
17:44They love Bailey's.
17:45I think that's Slough's in Chigwell, really.
17:48This is...
17:50How many days?
17:51I'm sorry if you...
17:56I'm sorry.
17:57I do apologise.
18:01No, the Burnley Miners Working Men's Club
18:03gets through a third of the number of bottles sold in the entire country,
18:08just the Working Men's Club.
18:09Kahlua.
18:10It's not Kahlua.
18:11It's rather more sophisticated.
18:13Chartreux.
18:14That's the right area.
18:15Strega.
18:16No, Chartreux is brewed by monks,
18:18and this is brewed by monks too.
18:19Any offers, anyone?
18:21Don't know.
18:22Benedictine from the audience is the right answer.
18:24There it is.
18:25A Benedictine.
18:26There it is.
18:28Isn't that extraordinary?
18:30And it's genuinely true.
18:32Burnley drinks more than any other place in the world.
18:34They did seem to be drinking pints with froth.
18:37Yeah, it was a latte, Benedictine.
18:41Oh, we've got a body shop in the parade now, you know.
18:45Oh, yeah.
18:46I'll have a Benedicticino.
18:49Now, what did Dora do with invisible ink and binoculars?
18:55Are we dealing with the Defence of the Realm Act?
18:58You are.
18:59Dora, in this instance, is the Defence of the Realm Act.
19:02So...
19:02And what did the Defence of the Realm Act do with invisible ink and binoculars?
19:07Did it ban them?
19:08It banned them.
19:09I think you share the points.
19:10Very good.
19:10Absolutely right.
19:16The thing about banning invisible ink...
19:18Yes.
19:23Difficult to follow through with that, isn't it?
19:24You've put your finger on a problem.
19:25Absolutely.
19:27In 1915, the year that the French banned absinthe was the year of Dora.
19:32But what did it introduce, which is rather fitting to our theme here this evening?
19:36Oh, the licensing hours.
19:37The licensing hours.
19:37The licensing hours.
19:38The licensing hours.
19:38Doing well points piling up there with you, Phil Jupiter.
19:40It's absolutely right.
19:42Introduced licensing hours.
19:43Why?
19:44Shift workers.
19:45Yes.
19:45Yeah, to get more productivity out of the workers.
19:47In the Second World War, they had to get Veronica Lake to get a haircut.
19:53It was the ladies who had to work in the factories while the chaps were away getting blown to bits.
19:59We're mimicking her haircut and getting caught in the machinery.
20:02Oh.
20:03Yeah.
20:03So she used to have a hair over one eye.
20:05She did.
20:05That wonderful webblonde wave.
20:07She was very fit.
20:09She was well fit.
20:10She was down to the eye.
20:13Anyway.
20:14All the girls saw, oh, they'd like to be like Veronica Lake.
20:16So they had their head like that, and then they'd lean over and go...
20:22You're in danger.
20:22You're in danger of that happening to yourself, Alan, I have to say.
20:25That's one of the reasons why I don't work in munitions, folks.
20:29It's all beginning to make sense.
20:31Yes, they also brought in British Summer Time with Dora.
20:33They came up with Summer.
20:34They're brilliant.
20:37They came up with Summer.
20:41I thought we weren't doing that.
20:43That's right.
20:43That was different.
20:45Bonfires, fireworks, flagpoles, campanology.
20:48They were all banned.
20:49Campanology?
20:50Campanology.
20:51Oh, I thought it was that again.
20:52Oh, no.
20:59Hang on, there's no need to try and arouse us during this.
21:02So that was Dora.
21:03It's an interesting example of how governments use emergency measures permanently to undermine
21:08civil liberties.
21:08Thank God that kind of thing doesn't happen here.
21:12And now it must be time.
21:14It is time, General, for our late-night docking that we call general ignorance.
21:19So fingers on buzzers, please.
21:20What's a vomitorium for?
21:22Yes, Johnny?
21:23It's in a theatre.
21:25There's a shafts coming up onto the stage.
21:27No, he's too good.
21:28He's too good.
21:28You're quite right.
21:29Is it not the room where they test Kingston's pasties?
22:01I can't believe I didn't get that right.
22:01Well, he abandoned the felon in 1923 when he wrote about them as having these rooms called vomitoria.
22:05But the Yorkshire Diction is very harsh on them.
22:07Now, what's the single largest man-made structure on the face of a planet?
22:13Blue whale.
22:17It's usually a good one.
22:19No.
22:20Not a blue whale.
22:21Man-made structure.
22:23Holland.
22:25Well, I mean, in many ways Holland is man-made, isn't it?
22:28Well, a lot of it is.
22:28It's all the lands and so on.
22:29It's not a single structure, though, is it?
22:31What about a really, really, really deep drill?
22:36You know, when they drill about three miles down.
22:38That would be big, but it's quite narrow, really.
22:42Yes.
22:43An extended Great Wall of China.
22:46Oh, there you are.
22:47Great Wall of China.
22:48Oh, John.
22:49Interesting fact about that.
22:50Longest wall in the world, not one cash point.
22:56Is it in the Middle East?
22:58No, amazingly, I'll tell you what it is.
23:00It's Staten Island.
23:02There's a Fathers for Justice bloke at the top, isn't there?
23:05If there is, in common with much of our theme of this evening, he will be holding his nose.
23:09Is it a landfill?
23:11It's a landfill.
23:12Absolutely right.
23:13It's a landfill on Staten Island called the Fresh Kills.
23:15That's a small part of it.
23:17Ah.
23:17It covers...
23:18It doesn't get the tourists it deserves.
23:21It was closed in 2001.
23:23In 2001, the residents were beginning not to enjoy it very much.
23:26The residents?
23:27Oh, my God.
23:28The residents of Staten Island, I should say, rather than the landfill.
23:31They found it completely impossible to play dominoes there.
23:35Too many birds.
23:36But in 2001, its peak was 25 metres higher than the top of the Statue of Liberty.
23:41It was reopened in order to deal with the debris of the Twin Towers, and then closed again.
23:46It's not really filling the land if it's piled on top of it, is it?
23:49Well, no.
23:49At the moment, they're in the business of making it a parkland and wildlife facility.
23:53It's going to be like that episode of The Simpsons, where it all leaks and kind of bursts out,
23:58and then they're trying to hammer it down.
23:59Don't they give off quite a lot of power, landfills?
24:02Because lots of methane gas comes up, and they burn it, and it works as a power source.
24:05And there's much methane trapped in old ones that they're very worried about.
24:08They sometimes have landfill explosions, don't they?
24:11Which I think they should keep.
24:12They should turn it into land for ramblers.
24:16And then let them take their chances.
24:17It's sort of natural selection.
24:20Anyway, what should you not drink if you're dehydrated?
24:25Jimmy Carr.
24:26Jacob's Crackers.
24:34You could blend them up with a little flower top.
24:38Refreshing.
24:39What, what, what liquor do you have?
24:41Seawater is the right answer, yes.
24:43Anything else?
24:43You shouldn't drink seawater.
24:45Yeah.
24:45Booze.
24:46Mustn't drink booze.
24:49Sorry.
24:50No, we've got a rather cross-expert, the dietitian here from St George's Hospital, London.
24:55Chief dietitian, Catherine Collins.
24:57Can I get that over again?
24:58Yep, absolutely.
24:59Good, good, good.
24:59Good, good, good to see you.
25:01What people need to remember is that fluid is a general item and doesn't refer solely to water.
25:06Tea, coffee, squash, and milk for children are perfectly good fluid replacers.
25:09A lot of nonsense he's spoken about water being the best way to hydrate.
25:12Sorry, tea, coffee for children?
25:14Yeah.
25:15She's a dietitian, is she?
25:16Tea, coffee, squash, and milk for children.
25:18And yes, apparently a bit of beer's fine and coffee would be fine.
25:23People think, oh, it must be water.
25:24I can't have coffee because it's a slight diuretic with caffeine in it.
25:27But you lose far less than you get from the actual liquid in the coffee.
25:31But what effect does alcohol have on your brain cells in your body?
25:36Oh, makes me go mental.
25:43What it certainly doesn't do, which you might have said, was destroy or kill them.
25:47Right.
25:47But there doesn't, there's no evidence at all.
25:49Studies of alcoholics and non-alcoholics show the same number of brain cells.
25:52Well, actually, everything else does kill your brain cells, doesn't it?
25:54Soap operas.
25:57What are the beer goggles?
25:59What is the Latin term?
26:02Beer goggles?
26:03Yeah.
26:04What are those?
26:05When you've got the beer goggles on, that's when you really fancy someone who normally you
26:08wouldn't fancy.
26:09Oh.
26:09So you would refer to someone as a seven-pinter?
26:12Yes.
26:14Stephen doesn't have beer goggles.
26:16He has Madeira Pince-nez.
26:22Imagine with Stephen.
26:23Oh, you're a cracker.
26:24More Madeira.
26:29A small...
26:35A sherry monocle.
26:38Oh, you've got the sherry monocle in.
26:43You're all rot as my head, too.
26:47Anyway, I think it must be time to settle up.
26:51Last of all, on this melancholy evening, we won't say last, we'll call you the designated
26:55loser.
26:56It's Phil with minus 15, ladies and gentlemen.
27:02In third place with minus 3, John Sessions.
27:07In second place with plus 2 milligrams, it's Jimmy Carle, ladies and gentlemen.
27:18What can this mean?
27:21It can only mean that tonight's runaway winner with 10 points is Aaron Davies.
27:34I'm so proud of you.
27:40That is a fantastic result.
27:42And with that bombshell, it's time for me to leave this D for drinks edition with a little
27:48advice from Rodney Dangerfield.
27:51Don't do it.
27:51He said, I drink too much.
27:53The last time I gave a urine sample, it had an olive in it.
27:57See you.
27:58Bye-bye.
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