- 12 hours ago
First broadcast 14th September 2012.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Jimmy Carr
Victoria Coren
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Jimmy Carr
Victoria Coren
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:02Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening and welcome to an
00:07episode of QI that is jam-packed with J-words. Joining me to joust and jostle in tonight's J-themed
00:15jamboree are the jazzy Bill Bailey, the jet-propelled Jimmy Carr,
00:30the jasmine-scented Victoria Coran, and that jolly jackanapes Alan Davis. Now we have fantastically obscure and recondite J-buzzers.
00:53Bill goes...
00:56That's a...jarrana. Oh, it's a jarrana, yes. It's a Mexican percussão. Yes, you strum it. Yes, you strum it with
01:02a...jjjah, exactly. And Victoria goes...
01:10that's a Finnish instrument called a yuiko and Jimmy goes but imagine I'll get this
01:21good correct well I think I think we both know tell that it's actually it's it's a
01:26Russian instrument it's a hara-laika and finally Alan goes
01:34it is it would you call the jaws heart because yes it's played lying lying in
01:39the mouth like that anyway to get you in the mood what do these unfamiliar J words
01:44mean oh lots of Jank I've heard of Jankers and that's an army thing yes Jankers is an
01:52army punishment isn't cleaning latrines or peeling 10,000 that's right you put on
01:57Jankers it looks like lots of them are minced oaths minst minced oaths like it
02:05like saying fudge or sugar okay powderized version of a swear word like
02:09saying bicarbonate of soda or shut the front door
02:17oh fuck crying out loud have you ever said that though really
02:23fuck crying out loud works very well have you oh fuck Christ's sake yeah
02:31photographers yeah follow you why don't you just photograph someone else
02:38a jollup is a there's a juice juice some sort of an unguent some sort of
02:44unguent fluid a jollup is actually a turkey's wattle I'm gonna say bluff sorry is it the
02:52wrong game it's a good word it's a good word yeah or it can mean a strong liquor
02:58jollup yeah strong liquor which is maybe where wild I didn't say anything I didn't
03:02say anything I was gonna but I didn't
03:07hello gentacular is this what friends of Jennifer Anson say how she looks what it
03:11goes out
03:14killer no means pertaining to breakfast oh it doesn't really do I know why do you
03:20need that though in your life when you have a lunchy word it's a lunchy type of
03:25thing it's a breakfasty type of thing lunch word then so you would say toast is a
03:32bit gentacular yeah this toast is gentacular yeah when has anyone ever said
03:38that ever these are unusual words I grant you know it's like pendiculate means to
03:44yawn but you'd never use it in that sense would know you just say yawn because
03:48we've got the word yawn so okay so we don't need to know that word is what you
03:52know I need to forget that now because that's taken up vital space I need for pin
03:58numbers really useful things in my brain but just what I should say about
04:03breakfast oh 11 well I said gentacular what an idiot here here really to
04:09astonish you go on one of these words on this board has 28 separate meanings and
04:16I'm going to put those meanings up and you tell me which word it is back passage
04:22vagina penis jobby John jobs jobby you see jigger jigger do we get a lot of
04:31jiggering from the audience we must be jigger jigger is the right answer I'm
04:37going to share five points with Victoria and five points with the audience
04:47the word jigger has all those definitions it's a measuring device a jigger of rum yes a
04:54snooker rest an odd-looking person bill sorry I'm just an odd-looking person a distillery
05:02don't say vagina and then point to me penis again woman's coat that's a nice
05:12finger me people do complain that there aren't any good words for vagina there's
05:18no way of saying it that sounds nice jigger is not the answer we think twinkle
05:32cave it's a lovely it's a less offensive term for a foo-foo so I'm sorry so jigger is
05:39back passage vagina penis well that's confusing so just stick it in the jigger
05:45one yeah so if you ask your caddy do you think I should pull my jigger out for the
05:55job what do you think yeah get your jigger out rest it on your jigger stick it in my
05:59jigger mind the jigger what about Ouija board you're at a party and let's all put our
06:04fingers together on your jigger it's moving is it doing that by itself are we
06:19we'll that was easy to put on the TV when they ran out of programs yes whether
06:23put the jigger on not that one
06:32a revolving jigger certain words do double duty certain words to triple duty words like
06:39jigger seem to do multiple duty but what did dr. Johnson tie up with his padlock did
06:46he bury his cheese to stop it getting burnt in the fire I think you're confusing him with
06:50Samuel Pepys he did indeed bury a parmesan cheese in his garden in 1666 which was 60 years
06:59before Johnson so he he was he's the guy that did the dictionary right one of the many things
07:05he did he wrote rasselas he was one of the greatest literary figures of his age but he
07:10was physically I went to disabled exactly but he was a victim of many of the diseases of the
07:18age scrofula gout yeah all that gout with things like that what it what what is scrofula
07:23scrofula used to be called the king's evil yes and inflammation of the jigger
07:31that would more or less cover it so this is I'm a question late but I'm suddenly thinking
07:35about those meanings of jigger do you think that's where jiggery pokery comes from
07:41it really might that's true in both senses you could poke
07:46I think I think you'll find it's more pig well no well it could be I suppose yeah no
07:51yeah if you're having fun on the farm be piggery jokery
08:00anyway dr. Johnson was half blind and scarred by scrofula oh he also had the
08:05usual array of 18th century maladies palsy dropsy gout flatulence he had massive
08:11white headphones and he suffered from OCD and probably from Tourette's syndrome he
08:19was the man that wrote the dictionary had Tourette's he gestured wildly and it
08:28seemed to be a tick and we would probably now call it Tourette's I think that's
08:31rather beautiful if somebody who suffered from Tourette's created the dictionary
08:35I know it is total verbal control how lovely if Johnson if he had that form of
08:42Tourette's where he couldn't control his spoken language to make a dictionary I
08:45think that's very poetic it would be rather wouldn't it he was prone to
08:49seizures and outbursts himself yeah he went to live with to mrs. Hester Thrail
08:54in Streatham he was a deeply in love with mrs. Thrail and he basically said to
08:59her I have a padlock and chain and at any moment when I seem to be out of control
09:04I'm now giving you permission in advance to chain me up wow I know a woman in
09:10Streatham that will still do that yes she's surprisingly reasonable sadly what
09:17happened was that mr. Thrail died and instead of Hester Thrail marrying Johnson
09:22she went off to Italy and married a very young handsome Italian and I don't know
09:26if that's sad for her sounds I know quite well sad for Johnson prone to just lash out
09:31to flail he was prone to flail so dr. Johnson liked to be tied up and padlocked when I say
09:39he'd like to be I can quote you what mrs. Thrail said about this is quite
09:43surprising in advance to its age yeah she said here says Johnson a woman has
09:48such power between the ages of 25 and 45 that she may tie a man to a post and
09:54whip him if she will and added the footnote this he knew of himself was
10:00literally and strictly true so he obviously did like to be whipped yeah that's
10:07right so there we are and what's the one thing we can all agree Hitler Stalin and
10:14Franco got right and Mussolini got wrong
10:18Mussolini surrendered this well no this there's something the three mustachioed
10:23dictators loathed and detested but that actually Mussolini rather liked
10:29pasta yes so you want about Simon Sharma he'd never come up with that let's stick with the letter J
10:40jackets with jeans like Clarkson no oh was it double denim that again doesn't really begin with
10:51the 20th century yes the 20th century I'm close 20th century you've only got one
10:58I disagree with this question basically are very very naughty people have suggested that Hitler
11:14Stalin and Franco were right for disliking jazz I personally love jazz so you're saying that Hitler
11:21didn't like jazz not just didn't know I hear about this guy the less I like but jazz was to
11:30the Germans
11:30was inimical absolutely they thought it was total evil they thought it was completely against everything
11:36they stood for but people presumably did listen to it though and great numbers there's a bit of now
11:42yeah there's a bit of that of an evening and then soon as the you know SS come around turn
11:46it off and then
11:47yeah but Mussolini oddly enough for all his faults and let's face it there were many in Grievous well
11:53he listened to jazz in private his son Romano was one of post-war Italy's most celebrated jazz
12:00musicians he played with Dizzy Gillespie Duke Ellington and Chet Baker you can't get much higher than that
12:05in the jazz world I know what they mean they're just Bill clicking his fingers there I felt the urge
12:10to do very bad
12:11haha but it is an odd day you know yeah I got the best seat this evening
12:18is that how they would scare German machine gun in you know outpost they just creep up there
12:27yeah they're firing regularly and you fire syncopated yeah
12:31but it was quite important I mean I read one for the road and also spent a little bit of
12:38time in South Africa
12:38and in both those play jazz clubs are very important culturally in the South America
12:45underground illegal like to be shut down with disastrous consequences of all who take part
12:50but really quite important so hard to imagine it being that it was a symbol of like rock and roll
12:57as rock and roll became it became a symbol of defiance and in Paris it was a hugely important wasn't
13:03it
13:03wasn't that hitless thing with comedy as well well he didn't like he didn't like Jewish comedy because
13:06he felt like if you laughed with someone presumably the same thing with music if you enjoy their music
13:10you couldn't hate them what are you experiencing there is cognitive dissonance cognitive dissonance is
13:15exactly right I think you'll find your way to take the audience and the ladies and gentlemen
13:19home through cognitive dissonance take me through exactly what you described is the ability to hold
13:25two opposing opinions at the same time they seem to contradict each other but actually yet humans can
13:30do that yeah here's cognitive dissonance here I am on QI like you see on the television sitting by
13:35there it's quite nice everyone seems nice I'm having a nice time yeah and yet we've had the question
13:40what did Hitler get right which is exactly what my grandmother told me would happen if I went on television
13:47last night I had an anxiety dream about coming on here I was so terrified of it and in the
13:53dream I was
13:54sitting here I think I was on the other side and you were asking the question very sternly yes the
14:00question was why was the March hair so important to the Aztecs and I didn't know the answer and I
14:09said I did
14:10do they worship it and the screens went worship it worship it which was absolutely terrifying
14:18Steven ask the question let's make it happen yes come on I'm such an amateur I didn't even google the
14:25answer
14:29that's an amazing dream that's very specific you know it's not like I mean I dream I went up to
14:34the
14:35shops and bought some milk and some bread and I wake up I go where is it and I thought
14:43I'm sure I went up the
14:44shop and got it but that's a crazy dream must have been that blue cheese I had last night but
14:50that
14:51oh yeah definitely the blue cheese was the issue yeah were you actually asleep or was this a sort of
15:00a
15:00premonition what we'll find out well yes we will um can we just confirm this is happening now isn't it
15:07this is yes we're not in one of Vicky's dreams because that would be that would be brilliant that
15:12wouldn't it you could be the March hair I'll be the Aztecs bring it on some blue cheese
15:19well Maxim Gorky the great the great Russian writer wrote this on the subject of jazz the dry knock
15:26of an idiotic hammer penetrates the utter stillness one two three ten twenty strikes and afterwards a
15:33wild whistling and squeaking as if a ball of mud was falling into clear water then follows a rattling
15:38howling and screaming like the clamor of a metal pig the cry of a donkey or the amorous croaking of
15:45a
15:45monstrous frog the offensive chaos of this insanity combines into a compulsive pulsing rhythm listen to
15:53this screaming for only a few minutes and one involuntarily pictures an orchestra of sexually wound up
15:59madmen conducted by a stallion like creature who is swinging his giant genitals
16:06and now having an anxiety that's a description of jedward isn't it
16:19anyway that's probably enough jazz here are four j birds what immediately comes to mind when you look at
16:26them wings oh okay it's jam after there is something that allows you to recognize them that a bird spotter
16:34would call their jizz yes yes you knew that well I'm a I'm a twitter aren't I yeah
16:46jizz
16:46jizz is an acronym not don't think of where you might think it's going it's the general impression
16:53size and shape then it came from you know being able to spot planes in the second in the war
16:58you know you
16:58could you could spot the outline of planes from underneath and that was a military term jizz yeah but
17:03birders use it as well everything you say is believed by many but unfortunately there's no evidence or
17:09prominence for that so while you've got the word absolutely right and there are points pouring your
17:15way far the actual explanation is not proven so there would be a book some i could look up on
17:20the
17:20internet when i get home jizz on birds and that is fine yes absolutely right i've got a lot of
17:27growing
17:27up to do is all i know the pop etymology is that it might be just is in other words
17:33you can't say
17:34specifically why that airplane is a spitfire or that bird is a siskin it just is it just is yeah
17:41or even just the essence the gist of the essence yeah yeah no one's quite sure but the other kind
17:47of jizz is a contraction of the word jism jism and what is the origin of the what does that
17:51mean
17:52is that the origin jizz are jizz are jizz are jizz are no no i could tell you where it
17:56comes i could show
17:56you yeah no no no you're not to do that again too late yes jism has a meaning can you
18:06imagine what
18:06jism might mean jism isn't spirit or energy ah yeah like i withhold my jism oh you should neither
18:14is that meant to encourage us what's that doing
18:18that's energy oh yeah sure sure that looks like we're trying to sell some sort of massage cd
18:26here's a top jizz fact go on all right imagine one little sperm hang on any whiny little sperm got
18:33it they're very very small you couldn't you couldn't see it with a naked eye all right now no bigger
18:40than
18:40an acorn you know you know about computers and memories and things they have information on them which is
18:50expressed in terms of bytes kilobytes or megabytes how much information do you think is in the dna of
18:57one little sperm just one i think it's just it just says swim so that we want one bit one
19:03bit one
19:04bit of information swim that way either one bit or one trillion bits it's 37.5 megabytes oh
19:11which means that a normal ejaculation talk about your heart represents
19:20is this uh just after you've logged off yeah just gonna plug in my dongle bill
19:29how many more of these quick as long as it's not a floppy
19:36you can still hold a lot in a flop yeah you can but a normal male ejaculation if there is
19:42such a
19:42thing i came here to talk about the aztecs
19:47will you accept my personal apology vitory um is the equivalent of fifteen thousand eight
19:54hundred and seventy five gigabytes that's fifteen point eight terabytes uh that's about seven
20:00thousand five hundred laptops worth of information in one one ejaculation god to waste just thrown away
20:08well not necessarily down the end of a sock
20:14stop it what you started it
20:18yes jizz as you knew as a bird spotter is that indefinable something the shape the gate the
20:24the outline that allows you to identify yes a bird but we have the four birds we showed you
20:30you're gonna say we have some jizz
20:33you can identify here by their jizz
20:36we literally do oh look yeah they all be with j that's your clue oh i'm gonna say that's a
20:43j
20:43hawk no that's not a hawk is it look at it i mean
20:46it's a hawk what are you saying oh is that a hawk
20:49that is a hawk down and picking up a rabbit
20:52you know that's not based to scale bill that's all right oh it's a long way off
20:59it's massive a hawk's beak and eye a hawk's but yes it's a hawk it's a raptor
21:05that's not a raptor that's a flipping flycatcher or something you are very good it's a flycatcher it's a
21:13nice looking just nice there all right i was second on that no you were i came
21:18i can't grab it a hawk you just mentioned the type of bird right okay well stick up the next
21:23one
21:23i'm pretty sure that is just medieval times they go out with them on a gauntlet that is fly that
21:29is
21:29that is called a black tail bring me a fly just to finish it that was a flycatcher it was
21:34a juan
21:35fernandez tit tyrant oh my god here we go okay wait a minute wait a minute a juan fernandez tit
21:49tyrant crested spotty chested member of the tyrant flycatcher spotty chested yeah yeah yeah there
21:57are points for knowing where the juan fernandez islands are juan fernandez breast cock lane
22:09oh yeah
22:10you're getting into these very much one fernandez islands
22:17south america yeah chili chili yeah fair enough yeah okay the next bird this black one here this is
22:22some sort of well is that a bird of power was it no massive green and feet it's a weaver
22:27bird in fact
22:29If I tell you it's a weaver bird, you'll probably know it comes from...
22:32Ah, Yorkshire.
22:33Weaver bird.
22:37Yeah.
22:38Yeah.
22:39African bird.
22:40It's Jackson's widow bird.
22:42Jackson's widow bird?
22:43The next one.
22:44OK.
22:45At least name the type of bird it is.
22:46Jabiroo, it's a stalk.
22:47And it is a jabiroo.
22:49Correct answer.
22:50Yes, of course.
22:51Very good.
22:53This man is good.
22:55That is a jabiroo, it's a stalk, and it can be five foot tall with a nine foot wingspan.
23:00It is.
23:00A hell of a stalk.
23:01Well spotted.
23:02Well, this man is impressive.
23:04Oh, thank you.
23:05OK.
23:05And the last one.
23:07Oh.
23:08Oh, it's very punk rock.
23:10It's from...
23:10It's from the 70s.
23:13Oh.
23:14Jedward.
23:19We'll allow you that.
23:21I think he could be called the Jedward bird from now on.
23:24It does have another Jedward.
23:25Do you know what type of bird that is, Bill?
23:27It's a...
23:28It's a...
23:29No.
23:30It's a hawk.
23:31Look at the size of his beak.
23:33How could it pick up a rabbit?
23:34Those are oranges.
23:36It's actually...
23:36It's a waxwing.
23:37It's a waxwing.
23:38It's a Japanese waxwing.
23:39Oh, it's a Japanese waxwing.
23:40Japanese waxwing.
23:41Japan, China, and Eastern Russia.
23:43Right.
23:43Very good.
23:44OK.
23:45What did Watson do twice as often as Holmes?
23:49Well, I don't want to say now.
23:51I guess he had more time on his hands.
23:52Stick with it.
23:53Stick with it.
23:54What did he do twice?
23:55Oh, no, I do know.
23:56Yes.
23:56It's...
23:59Ejaculate.
23:59Ejaculate is the right answer.
24:04This is the one thing I know about Sherlock Holmes,
24:07because it's in the book.
24:08It's an old term meaning to...
24:11To exclaim.
24:12Right.
24:12To expostulate.
24:14Constantly.
24:14But Holmes, I ejaculated.
24:17You get a lot.
24:18I mean, the books are brilliant anyway.
24:21They are.
24:21But every 20 pages, that happens and you go,
24:23Oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:26Right?
24:27Yes.
24:28There are 23 ejaculations in the canon, as it's known.
24:31What's a canon?
24:34The canon is the...
24:36And why not the spouse?
24:38Oh, gross.
24:40As in the word canonical.
24:43Ah, give to you the canon.
24:44Yeah.
24:45Stamach.
24:46Yes.
24:48There's approximately 23 ejaculations, 48 terabytes of information coming your way.
24:56So wishing.
24:56Stamach.
24:57You're a very lucky lady.
25:01Watson ejaculates 11 times.
25:03I've just done a buck.
25:05Holmes, on one occasion, refers to Watson's ejaculations of wonder, being invaluable to his art.
25:12Watson does ejaculate from his very heart in the direction of his view.
25:16Holmes gives six, but there is one where it's quite hard to tell who it is.
25:22So...
25:22That can happen, Stephen.
25:24Who's ejaculating here?
25:25Let's just...
25:26Let's just imagine.
25:27So he sat, as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat, when a sudden ejaculation caused me to
25:34wake up.
25:35LAUGHTER
25:37Have you ever been woken up by a sudden ejaculation?
25:41LAUGHTER
25:42You talk about your dreams.
25:44There's a fellow called Phelps in the wonderful story of the Naval Treaty.
25:48He ejaculates three times, actually.
25:50The only other ejaculator is Mrs. Sinclair's husband, who ejaculates from a second-floor window.
25:57LAUGHTER
25:59LAUGHTER
26:00Oh, God, God!
26:01This is the most fun I've ever had on this show.
26:06It probably would be...
26:07I'm not joining in with this, by the way.
26:10I'm not doing this genuinely a point about Sherlock Holmes.
26:13He probably did ejaculate fewer times than Watson in the other sense of...
26:17I mean, obviously, they didn't exist, they're invented.
26:19Well, he wasn't married.
26:20But doesn't he seem like a...
26:21He's constantly taking it out on the violin?
26:23Yes.
26:24LAUGHTER
26:25And injections of cocaine.
26:26Drugs don't help, too.
26:28Well, I'd say, some of them do.
26:30LAUGHTER
26:32Apparently...
26:32The blue cheese!
26:37So, now, who speaks in tones, harangues and declaims in a long, meandering cascade of sounds, syllables, stresses and intonations
26:46that might at first seem to be full of sense and meaning, but soon revealed itself to be an empty
26:51vein, hollow and completely meaningless stream of gibberish?
26:56You.
26:57You.
26:58LAUGHTER
27:01LAUGHTER
27:02LAUGHTER
27:05Yeah.
27:07So, who speaks in a stream of gibberish that sounds intelligent?
27:10This is a technical term used by people who study such things to describe a stage of speech.
27:18Tongues, speaking in tongues.
27:20Oh, toddlers, like a baby.
27:21A juvenile?
27:21Ah, toddlers, babies.
27:23Yes, you're the right area.
27:24Right.
27:24There are phases.
27:27Oh, darn.
27:28Did they really need to add the little kittens there?
27:30Yeah.
27:31Was it not cute enough?
27:33I know.
27:33It's so sweet, isn't it?
27:35Oh.
27:35Look at the little baby.
27:37It's known as jargon, oddly enough.
27:40It's known as toddler jargon, where the rhythms and the intonations are like the language that is going to become
27:46the one they speak.
27:47So, if they're Japanese, it will sound like Japanese, but not actually be Japanese.
27:51If they're Welsh or German or Peruvian, it will sound like their language.
27:55So, they get the structure?
27:57So, they get the syntax?
27:57Yeah, they sound.
27:58Because they've heard their parents, so it'll go like...
28:04I tell ya, I tell ya.
28:05So, basically, small children are like Snoopy's teacher.
28:09Yes, that's right.
28:10Exactly.
28:11Long strings of syllables, having varied stress and intonation in the same rhythm and rise and fall, the same cadences
28:18as English speech.
28:19Sound like whole sentences, but don't actually mean anything at all.
28:24And they have in homes.
28:26Doesn't all...
28:28Don't all kids get it at the same age as well?
28:30Yes, more or less, that's the extraordinary thing.
28:33I mean, that's what Noam Chomsky discovered throughout linguistics was that language was pre-programmed.
28:37If you're going to have a baby, you can go to a website and put your due date in, and
28:44then they will send you emails weekly telling you what the development of the foetus is.
28:48And then after you have the baby, they will then send you emails weekly saying, this is what your baby
28:53will be doing.
28:54Good Lord.
28:54And there are phases where it will be blowing spit bubbles, or it will be...
28:58Yeah.
28:58And it's astonishing, every week it's right.
29:01It's right.
29:01Every week it's exactly what your baby will be doing.
29:04It would be slightly disturbing if your baby was either ahead or behind.
29:05Would you not be freaked out?
29:07Yes, you would be.
29:08It is.
29:09In the early week, in the early first three or four months of this, all the little developmental stages are
29:14the same for all infants.
29:16It's really, really interesting, learning to point things like that.
29:19Oh, that's miraculous.
29:20It is a phenomenal thing, the growth of a child, a human child, obviously.
29:23And, as you say, the stages of in-built, programmed development of language and gesture, which seems to be predictable,
29:31as you say.
29:32And between that 12 and 13 months, you get that babble.
29:35Anyway, who first used the expression OMG?
29:39Was it Hannah Montana?
29:40It wasn't Hannah Montana.
29:41That's my guess.
29:42It's a good guess.
29:42A reasonable guess.
29:43I'm guessing that, in the past, it's meant something else.
29:46No, no, as OMG.
29:47Oh, my God.
29:48Oh, my God.
29:49Oh, my God.
29:51Was it?
29:52Was?
29:54No, this is genuinely the use of OMG in the communication.
29:59Is it going to be on a morse code?
30:02No, though, funnily enough, you're in the right area.
30:04It was a...
30:04A military.
30:05Kissinger?
30:06It's not military, naval.
30:07It was two of the great naval figures of the First World War.
30:10Who was the first lord of the Admiralty during that?
30:13Oh, um, Churchill.
30:15Churchill.
30:16Churchill.
30:16Winston Churchill.
30:17But the great Lord Fisher, in 1917, wrote a letter to Winston Churchill, saying,
30:22I hear that a new order of knighthoods is on the tappy, meaning on the carpet.
30:27OMG.
30:28Shower it on the Admiralty.
30:30Oh.
30:31So there you are.
30:32Oh, my God.
30:33What year was that, sorry?
30:351917.
30:36OMG.
30:37That's a really good fact.
30:38That's a good fact, isn't it?
30:40Can we be certain?
30:41He meant, oh, my God.
30:42He might have meant...
30:43Yes, no, no, he definitely did.
30:44He put, oh, my God, in brackets afterwards.
30:46He wrote OMG brackets.
30:47That rather ruined the point of abbreviating to the same time.
30:50Yeah, I know.
30:50But as he was the first user, I guess he had to explain it.
30:52OMG, by which I mean, of course, the longer expression, oh, my God.
30:56Oh, my God.
30:57Eric Partridge's Dictionary of Abbreviations in 1942 contained dozens of SMS-friendly examples,
31:03such as AGN for Again, MTH for Month, and GDGD for Good.
31:08So they pre-existed.
31:09But I heard someone vocalise LOL.
31:12I actually heard someone said LOL as opposed to laugh.
31:15There's two kids in the street, you know, I told them a joke, you know, she went LOL, like that.
31:21Rather than laugh.
31:21Rather than laugh.
31:23Yeah.
31:24That's just some horrible post-Orwellian nightmare.
31:27It is.
31:27How amazing, how amazing is that going to be at stand-up gigs,
31:30if people just, an audience is going LOL.
31:35Let's just try it.
31:36No, no, after three.
31:37Just say the word LOL with as little expression as you can.
31:40Here we go.
31:41One, two, three.
31:42LOL.
31:43That's the first one.
31:45Tim Minchin has actually suggested,
31:48because people don't laugh out loud when they say LOL,
31:51that he suggests MAS, mildly amused smirk.
31:55Oh.
31:56It should be quite good, because that's what happens.
31:58Or N Nelly is another one that you could have.
31:59Yeah.
32:00Nelly, N-E-L-I, not even laughing inwardly.
32:05But you'd be impressed to know that in 1659 is the first use of to unfriend,
32:12which we thought was a modern Facebook phrase,
32:15but to unfriend was used by Thomas Fuller, who wrote to theologist John Halen,
32:19I hope, sir, that we are not mutually unfriended by this difference which has happened betwixt us.
32:24Yes.
32:24And then, I believe his friend wrote back that he liked that lesson.
32:28Yeah, he liked that lesson.
32:30Anyway, where do Arabic numbers come from?
32:34Oh.
32:35What's that?
32:35I don't know.
32:38Interesting fact, though, the Oasis is about 110 miles that way.
32:41No, let's see.
32:42That's the chart position.
32:50In the Yemen.
32:52They're not as big there, aren't they?
32:53No, they don't like it.
32:54What do we mean by Arabic numbers?
32:56We mean the ones that we use, don't we?
32:58I presume you mean how people who speak or write Arabic numbers?
33:02No, we call our numbers Arabic numbers.
33:05Do we?
33:05I thought our numbers...
33:06Okay.
33:07Roman alphabet.
33:08Right.
33:09And Arabic numerals.
33:10And Gregorian chantings.
33:14And French pastures.
33:17And Danish.
33:18And you must know that.
33:19You must, come on.
33:20German mustard.
33:21Is it Persia?
33:22No, it's not Persia.
33:23It's not going to be in Arabia, is it?
33:24It's not Arabia.
33:25It's just outside Arabia.
33:28Arabia Parkway.
33:30It's actually Hindu.
33:32In Arabic, they call them Hindu numbers.
33:33And in fact, in Arabic numbers, we have very little in common.
33:36You can see a card number plate here.
33:38And you'll see that on the left is 295994.
33:42Oh, it's a bit new money.
33:43And on the right, that is the Arabic for 295994.
33:48And as you can see, it's only the nine that is actually the same.
33:52So they're not Arabic numbers at all?
33:53No, we tend to call them Hindu numbers.
33:54We should call them Hindu numbers.
33:56We should call them Hindu numbers.
33:57Exactly right.
33:58Or we could call them numbers.
34:02Yeah, but what's the fun in that?
34:03Yeah, quite.
34:04I want you to tell me, because it's quite interesting, and that's the name of the game.
34:09Which is the only number in the English language which, when written out, is in alphabetical order?
34:15Uh...
34:15Eight.
34:17No.
34:18Okay, well...
34:1943.
34:20Eight is good, but I comes after G.
34:23Okay, I'm going to have to guess because there's not enough time and I'm dyslexic.
34:26Uh...
34:26I don't know.
34:27One.
34:27Two.
34:28Two.
34:29No.
34:29Three.
34:30O comes before T.
34:33So they have to be in alphabetical order.
34:35Oh.
34:35Yes, that's...
34:3740.
34:38Yes!
34:38Well done!
34:40Very good.
34:43Were you going through all the numbers?
34:45I was going through all the numbers at the same time that you were.
34:48Yeah, just counting.
34:49Yeah, 40 is the one.
34:50Yeah, I was on three when you said that.
34:53You three were all talking and me.
34:55We're counting.
34:56No, no, no, no.
34:59Alright.
35:00What's the most difficult word to guess in hangman?
35:04Whatever you've got written there, I can tell you it's cull.
35:07Uh...
35:08Cull?
35:08Doesn't matter what you've got written.
35:09C-U-double-L.
35:10In the number of letters you get in hangman, nobody ever says C or L.
35:14They'll go for U when they've gone through the other vowels.
35:16Then they've got blank U blank blank and one turn left.
35:20That's really good.
35:21If you're going to play hangman, anyone have a bet on it?
35:24Okay, alright.
35:24Have you played hangman for money?
35:26Yes.
35:27Who plays hangman for money?
35:30She bets on anything.
35:32You bet on...
35:33I was about to say, I've done everything for money, but I know what you do with that.
35:36I really appreciate it.
35:38So, cull, I think it might be something without any vowels.
35:43No, because they go through the vowels and if it's not there, oh, no vowels must be rhythm.
35:49Yes, but this is a four-letter word.
35:51So it might be links or onyx in that case.
35:55Oddly enough though, someone has been very scientific about this, which you would appreciate as a games player.
35:59This person designed an algorithm to arrive at this conclusion and he basically simulated 50 hangman games for every word
36:07in the dictionary.
36:09That's 90,000 words, nearly 5 million games.
36:12He then took the thousand trickiest words, ran the game 3,000 times on each, in total he played nearly
36:1915 million games to reach the conclusion that actually the hardest is the word jazz.
36:26What?
36:27People just don't get the word jazz.
36:29Really?
36:29Or possibly jazz.
36:30No one knows if we tried jazz.
36:33Never guessed zed.
36:34The other words were hajj, H-A-J-J, which is a difficult one.
36:38Jazz, links apparently.
36:40Buzz was also difficult.
36:41And fuzz, because people just choose zed as the last resort.
36:46I mean, fine.
36:47Next time we're out in a bar, you play jazz, I'll play cull, we'll see who wins.
36:51Oh, you've got it.
36:52Okay, but you've rather given away your strategy.
36:55Anyway.
36:56Why was the March Hare so important to the Aztec?
37:06You see?
37:09The thing is it, Corrie, whatever you dreamt was the answer is the right answer.
37:13No, but I know the answer isn't, did they worship it?
37:18Because...
37:28Why is a raven like a writing desk?
37:32It's that sort of question.
37:34It is that sort of question.
37:34Maybe for years people will now debate this.
37:37Fifty years from now people will be asking, why was the March Hare important to the Aztecs?
37:41There is a kind of answer that maybe your subconscious somehow knew.
37:45They worshipped rabbits, not hares.
37:48Yes.
37:49So some part of your brain knew that Aztecs worshipped rabbits.
37:54Honestly, Aztecs worshipped rabbits?
37:55It's true.
37:56I swear to you I didn't know that.
37:58I swear and I think people are going to believe me.
38:01I'll go even further than this.
38:03There are many people who believe that the rabbits that the Aztecs worshipped were jackrabbits,
38:09which are in fact technically a type of hare.
38:13And a J word which makes...
38:14And a J word.
38:16This is spooky.
38:17So Victoria Corrin, burn the wings.
38:24This is spooky.
38:26This is spooky.
38:28You didn't see that one coming and yet you did.
38:32I dreamt to think that I didn't think I knew that you say is nearly a fact beginning with J.
38:36Yeah.
38:37This world is far more mysterious than we give it credit for.
38:40Isn't it just...
38:41Anyway, now we come to our exciting Jolly Jape.
38:46I have a Jigger device.
38:48Alan, you're going to have to help me with this.
38:50This is a device for fishing in the Inuit world of the Arctic.
38:56Oh.
38:57Where, as you know, you think of ice fishing.
38:59They pop a hole in the ice and they sit forlornly with a little fishing rod hoping for a fish.
39:04But a better way would be to have a net.
39:06But how can you put a net through thick, thick, thick ice?
39:09They've developed an extraordinary machine.
39:11Now, you have to use your imagination here.
39:14I've got this carpet which I'm going to unroll.
39:16And here I have my device.
39:21Now, Alan, the other one is going to have to operate it.
39:24There you've got the string.
39:26Now, this is actually used by the Inuits to connect two holes distantly from each other such the way that
39:34they can thread between them and therefore lay a net down and catch lots of fish under ice.
39:40That's it.
39:40Yeah.
39:41What you're doing is you're pushing with the string.
39:43But imagine this is upside down.
39:45This is the bottom of the ice.
39:47Oh, yeah.
39:48So we're actually upside down here.
39:50Oh, wow.
39:51Now I feel weird.
39:52Oh, whoa.
39:52Oh, no.
39:53I can't breathe.
39:54Yeah.
39:55You can be bolder.
39:56How's that?
39:57I'm not getting any purchase on the rug.
40:00That is what all the girls say.
40:03Oh, I see.
40:04Right.
40:04It's a really neat.
40:07Yeah, now I'm getting a bit of grip.
40:09Oh, yes.
40:10Come on, look at that.
40:10Oh, look at me go now.
40:12Now, you might want to watch it actually really as it worked.
40:15There's the real thing.
40:17All right.
40:18There's an inwit.
40:19We pull it again.
40:22Hold on.
40:23The point is it goes under the water.
40:25He licks there so he can see it through the ice.
40:29Oh.
40:30And he digs it and it is underneath.
40:33By pulling it.
40:36Oh.
40:36There we go.
40:37Ooh.
40:37Ah.
40:38E.
40:38Ah.
40:40Yeah.
40:41You see?
40:41Now, have a look this way.
40:43Oh, there we go.
40:43This is it under the ice.
40:46How does it not sink?
40:47Yeah, exactly.
40:47How does it not just plumb it?
40:49It would so it floats.
40:51Oh, I see.
40:52How does his tongue not stick to the ice?
40:54Is that...
40:55And then...
40:56Dumber.
40:56How is he not just going, ah, this was a terrible idea.
40:59When he goes to the other end, he pulls up the rope from which you can then hang the net
41:04which catches the fish.
41:06Brilliant.
41:06But when you think about it, there's no other way you could do that.
41:08You couldn't just put a hole in the ice and then how do you get the string or the rope
41:12to the other hole in the ice?
41:14It's pretty clever.
41:14Devilously clever though.
41:16And this is...
41:16When did they invent this?
41:18Is this a recent thing?
41:18It's about a hundred years ago.
41:20Wow.
41:20Anyway, that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Inuit Fish Jigger.
41:26Oh.
41:27I'm going to pop it away.
41:33Which brings us to the scores.
41:36I don't know whether to do this backwards or forwards.
41:38I'm going to go backwards, actually, with our last place.
41:42It's noble, but it's minus 22, Jimmy Carr.
41:45I took a few for the team.
41:50I took a couple for the team.
41:52But I'm always happy to see, in somewhere as high as third place, Alan Davis with minus six.
42:05And this is astonishing, with plus ten, Bill Bailey.
42:15And the mad woman who dreams of Aztecs and hares, Victoria Corrin on Cluster Team.
42:31Well, that's all from Victoria, Jimmy, Bill, Alan and me.
42:34Be gloriously good to each other.
42:36Thank you and good night.
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