- 8 hours ago
First broadcast 15th April 2000.
Thirty years previously Marty's father, a policeman, was responsible for the death of a villain called Sidney Crabbe.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk/Larry Hopkirk
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Paul Whitehouse - Sidney Crabbe
Mark Benton - Harry Wallis
Grant Masters - Maurice Crabbe
Dudley Sutton - Old Ken
Susan Brown - Deirdre Hope
Charlie Higson - Gomez
Fritha Goodey - Bored Ghost
Patrick Ryecart - Posh Man
Toni Palmer - Hospital Cleaner
Ruth Harford - Doctor
Melissa Knatchbull - Wendy Gill
Glyn Lewis - Paul Johnson
Thirty years previously Marty's father, a policeman, was responsible for the death of a villain called Sidney Crabbe.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk/Larry Hopkirk
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Paul Whitehouse - Sidney Crabbe
Mark Benton - Harry Wallis
Grant Masters - Maurice Crabbe
Dudley Sutton - Old Ken
Susan Brown - Deirdre Hope
Charlie Higson - Gomez
Fritha Goodey - Bored Ghost
Patrick Ryecart - Posh Man
Toni Palmer - Hospital Cleaner
Ruth Harford - Doctor
Melissa Knatchbull - Wendy Gill
Glyn Lewis - Paul Johnson
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:25Come on, Sidney, the game's up.
00:28You're wasting your time.
00:29There's no way out.
00:30There's always a way out, Wallace.
00:32And I'll find it.
00:33You'll never take me.
00:34Dead or alive, Sidney, I don't care.
00:42There's no way out.
00:46There's no way out.
01:00There's no way out.
01:24There's no way out.
01:28There's no way out.
01:33There's no way out.
01:34I'll see you later.
01:50Blimey.
01:51There.
01:53There.
02:22Hello, come in.
02:23Hello.
02:25Harry Wallace.
02:26Geoff Randall, pleased to meet you.
02:28Actually, he was Mr. Ockkirk I wanted to see.
02:31I'm afraid that would be a bit tricky.
02:33How tricky?
02:34He's dead.
02:35That's very tricky.
02:36But I'm his partner.
02:37If you'd like to come through, I'm sure I'll be able to help.
02:39Perhaps.
02:39I used to know his father, Larry.
02:41He was my sergeant.
02:44You're not Inspector Harry Wallace, are you?
02:46Was once.
02:47How lovely to meet you, Mr. Wallace.
02:49Take a seat.
02:50Marty used to talk about you an awful lot, you know.
02:53Well, what was it you'd say?
02:54Harry and Larry.
02:55Yeah.
02:57So, what happened to Marty then?
03:00Was it illness?
03:01No, he was working on a case and he was murdered.
03:06So, history repeats itself.
03:10Poor old Marty.
03:17Very good, Mr. Ockken.
03:30Very good, Mr. Ockkirk.
03:34My și你要 Яй'l 네ю 뭐 dots quenile?
03:38He said Bob приготов.
03:40He said very good.
03:41Very good, Mr. Ockkirk.
03:46animated music
03:57bravo bravo
03:59you are the star pupil I think it's safe to say that you can now graduate with
04:04honors a fully qualified ghost
04:13but there is still much to learn you are only at grade one however i see no reason why you
04:18shouldn't be allowed to get out and about a bit meet some of the other inhabitants and join the
04:24club as to where you mean there's more to the afterlife than this much more you have only ever
04:31had the tiniest of glimpses then i shall explore the lot only if you are very foolish there are some
04:41areas you will not wish to visit like where like the waiting room where countless moribund spirits
04:47are filed away those inanimate souls who have lost contact with the mortal realm
04:55but how can that happen everything that happens among the living has resonance among the dead
05:01connections made there can connect with our world and connections broken can sometimes never be
05:06mended you mean if something happened to jeff then i might lose touch with him yes or if something
05:14happened to you that's why i'm constantly nagging you to keep up with your lessons i don't ever want
05:18to see you ending up there but enough of these gloomy thoughts i feel i feel a ceremony coming on
05:34it was a mean vicious little bastard was sydney crab after he copped it well we thought the reign of
05:41the crabs was over but we hadn't reckoned on his little brother morris he'd never been interested in
05:48the family business shy bookish type turned out to have quite a flair for it we couldn't lay a finger
05:54on him seemed to have an almost supernatural ability to stay one jump ahead of the game
06:02so me and larry in the end well we set him up it wasn't difficult all very hush-hush nobody
06:10was
06:10supposed to know about it somebody else's wife but you knew about it didn't you she was my wife mr
06:18randall
06:23i'm not sure about this harry i am larry they're pinching me off
06:30some bloody bullets sydney bury my back
06:35before i go i'm gonna end this thing once and for all i still don't like it
06:39you don't have to like it just do as you're told
06:49where are you dear dream what be a darling surprise surprise got a little something for
06:56you morris i'm sorry inspector wallace
07:15It was chaos. There was lead flying everywhere.
07:18Morris took a slug in the head and Larry took one in the chest.
07:24Larry. I'm sorry, Larry. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
07:27So, Gary, I don't think it's serious.
07:31No. You'll be all right, mate.
07:33What about Morris? Did we get him?
07:40Sidney.
07:41It's Morris, old man. Sidney's long dead.
07:43No. I can see Sidney nail it over.
07:49Sidney.
07:52Sidney.
07:54No!
07:55It was the last thing he ever said.
07:58It must have been hallucinating.
08:01I thought he was going to pull through, but it was like the life had just been plucked out of
08:06him.
08:08He was a good copper.
08:10Marty used to talk about him a lot, but he never told me how he died.
08:15No.
08:16He was only eight years old at the time. Poor little mate.
08:19What a mess. What a...
08:27It's still in there. The bullet.
08:30Right next to my spine. So they couldn't operate.
08:34Been rattling around my body ever since.
08:37Finally found its way to my heart.
08:39Any day now it's going to shift again, I'll be joining Larry six feet under.
08:45I'm very sorry to hear that, Mr. Wallace.
08:47Well, we none of us live forever.
08:49But before I go, I want to try and put things right.
08:52See, I've got a pretty substantial life insurance policy.
08:56It's not good to me. I've got no family.
09:00And it's not like I believe there's anything there after you've gone.
09:07Onward and upward, brave soul of mine.
09:09A horn blast calls you down the open road.
09:12Do you hear it?
09:13Do you see the golden sign?
09:16The heavens now are your abode.
09:18The purest air shall be your wine.
09:21And clouds of joy shall be your foe.
09:25Your medal.
09:27Your diploma.
09:29And here, your membership card.
09:36A word of warning, Mr. Hopkirk.
09:39Limbo is a powerful and mysterious place.
09:41Will not always be under my wing.
09:43There are dangers even here.
09:47I'll be all right, Mr. Wyvern.
09:48What can happen to me after all?
09:50I'm already dead.
09:52Yeah, so it all came out.
09:54It was the end of Wallace's career.
09:56He was booted out of the police force.
09:59He's working as a security guard now.
10:01Well, and Morris Crabb has been in a coma ever since.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Oh, what a cock-up.
10:06No wonder Wallace feels so guilty about it all.
10:09Which is why he's hired us to track down Morris.
10:11So he can put some money towards his care.
10:13Look, Jeannie, when we get there, will you just let me do all the talk and you'll keep your mouth
10:17shut?
10:17Why?
10:18Jeannie, I'm the trained detective.
10:20You're just, just a girl.
10:22Jeannie.
10:23Jeannie, it was just a joke.
10:25It was just a joke.
10:25I know it wasn't, Jeff.
10:27A joke is when you say something funny and the other person laughs.
10:32Why didn't someone tell me about this before?
10:36Schoolboy era.
10:52What is it?
10:54Hello, I'd like to come in, please.
10:56Do you remember?
10:57Gold card.
10:58Gold card.
11:48Hello, ducky.
11:49Welcome to Limbo.
11:51Care for a glass of champagne?
11:52That'd be very nice, my good man.
11:56Not if you are a man.
12:07Slips down easy, doesn't it, sir?
12:09It doesn't taste of anything.
12:11It's because it doesn't exist.
12:13None of this is real, after all.
12:15It's just whatever you want it to be.
12:18Anything?
12:19Anything at all, Dux.
12:20Right.
12:21I'll have a pint.
12:37I wish I wasn't dead.
12:40Oh, God, yes, the crabs.
12:42They lived on this street years ago.
12:45Rather exciting, isn't it?
12:46One of the reasons the house prices are so high, I think.
12:49What a colourful history.
12:51That post box over there.
12:53That's where Terry the Overcoat Robinson was decapitated.
12:56But it was all before my time, as you see.
12:58Luckily, things have changed, and the working-class folk have moved on.
13:07Except for old Ken, number 68.
13:09He knows everyone.
13:11Oh, yes.
13:12As I know everyone.
13:14Met Margaret Thatcher, you know.
13:16Before she was PM.
13:19And I once bumped into Sir Lawrence Olivia in the street, and he swore at me.
13:24Lovely voice.
13:26Look at this.
13:27Gearbox from an Austin Healey.
13:30It's amazing, the stuff that people would throw away.
13:35They were a bad bunch, the crabs.
13:38They loved kids.
13:40You know Dr. Barnard, the transplant man?
13:43Did my brother Alfred.
13:45Lungs.
13:47You see this?
13:49I salvaged this lot from a house up the road.
13:51They left it all in a skip.
13:53Perfectly good wood.
13:55Apart from the dry rot.
13:58When Morris had his accident, of course there was no one left to take care of him.
14:03His mother had passed over just before.
14:05Sydney had gone.
14:07Morris was in hospital for a while.
14:09St. Lucie's.
14:10Could still be there for all I know.
14:13Thanks very much, that's great.
14:14Johnny Herbert, the racing driver.
14:17No, he crashed into my car once.
14:19Thanks very much.
14:19That's good.
14:20Have I once worked with that?
14:21And how about you?
14:22Have you haunted anywhere interesting?
14:23Oh, I used to do that sort of thing all over the place.
14:27But I don't bother with it much anymore.
14:30It's so boring.
14:33Yes, isn't it just...
14:34And how did you die?
14:36That's not a rude question.
14:37I myself died very dramatically.
14:39I threw down my life to save a...
14:43Poodle?
14:45You should know we can't give out any information on patients.
14:48It's strictly confidential.
14:49But somebody wants to give him some money and make sure he's properly looked after.
14:52That's really none of my concern.
14:54The fact is, I can't tell you where Morris Crabb is.
14:57So he was here then?
14:58Look, if you're not visiting a patient, could you kindly leave the hospital premises?
15:03Thanks.
15:05Excuse me, did you say Morris Crabb?
15:07Yes.
15:07I remember Morris.
15:09She wouldn't be too young.
15:11Doctors and patients come and go.
15:13Me, I've been here forever.
15:15He just lay there, did Morris, for months and months.
15:19Sleepy looked.
15:20Really peaceful.
15:22Then one day someone came and took him away.
15:24Someone who?
15:26A lady.
15:27I don't know who she was.
15:29Nice lady.
15:30I'd seen her before, visiting.
15:32Anyway, they just wheeled him out and that was the last I saw of him.
15:35People come and go here, you know.
15:37They come in sick and they go out well.
15:41Or else they go out dead.
15:47It's nice here, isn't it?
15:49It's boring.
15:50I'm so bored of it.
15:52Oh, I'm so bored, I wish I was dead.
15:55But you are dead.
15:57No, really dead.
15:59Dead and gone.
16:00Dust.
16:01Oh, I wish I could throw myself into a bit of oblivion.
16:04A bit of what?
16:05Oh, you are green, aren't you?
16:07No.
16:08It's where you go when you can't stand the boredom anymore.
16:12Your soul gets torn into a million pieces and you writhe in endless torment.
16:17But at least it can make a change.
16:20So why don't you chuck yourself in it, then?
16:22It would be just too boring.
16:33Do you care for another glass of imaginary champagne, ducky?
16:36Why not, eh?
16:37I'm celebrating.
16:38I've finally arrived.
16:39Things are looking good.
16:50How lucky can one guy be
16:53I kissed her and she kissed me
16:56Like the fella once said
16:59Ain't that a kick in the head?
17:04The room was completely black
17:07I hugged her and she hugged back
17:11Like the sailor said, quote
17:14Ain't that a hole in the boat?
17:17My head keeps spinning
17:21I go to sleep
17:23I keep grinning
17:24If this is just the beginning
17:27My life is gonna be beautiful
17:33She's telling me we'll be wed
17:36She's picked out a king-sized bed
17:40I couldn't feel any cider
17:44Or I would be dead
17:48Tell me quick
17:50Oh, ain't that a kick
17:55Tell me quick
17:57Ain't that a kick
17:58In the head
18:07Right, Jeannie
18:09What I'm gonna do is
18:10I'm gonna hack into the hospital computer system
18:12To find out where they took Morris to
18:14Oh, yeah, and how are you gonna do that, Mr Computer Whiz Kid?
18:17On account of my computer whiz kiddiness
18:19Okay, so how do you do it?
18:21I'll tell you what
18:21Don't you worry your pretty little head about it
18:23Just at the moment, Jeannie, okay?
18:25Ow, it was a joke
18:27It was a joke
18:29I'm sorry
18:30Yeah, well, you behave yourself
18:33I'm gonna go to the library
18:34And check out the old newspaper reports
18:35Jeannie, come here
18:37Jeannie, if you wanna be a private detective
18:39You've gotta be much more precise in your language, you know
18:41Don't just say the first thing that comes into your head
18:43You're gonna check out the reports
18:45Check out
18:46Examine
18:47Nice
18:48Nice
18:49Perfect
18:51Okay, I'll see you later
18:53Later
18:58Right, how's he getting into this thing?
19:05Marty?
19:08Marty?
19:13Really?
19:14You're a private detective as well?
19:15I bet you've got some stories to tell
19:19Hello?
19:20Oh, well, nice talking to you
19:22So why can't this Inspector Wallace character look for Morris himself?
19:26He was a policeman after all, wasn't he?
19:28Exactly, Wendy
19:29How close do you think he'd get?
19:31He was the one that shot Morris in the first place
19:33Good point
19:34Morris is well hidden somewhere
19:36But if we can hack into the hospital computers
19:39Listen to you
19:40Proper little detective, aren't you, sis?
19:42I guess I am
19:43Maybe I should get my name painted on the office door
19:49It's just that Jeff needs all the help he can get
19:51It's a bit of a lost soul these days
19:53You're very good at feeling sorry for other people
19:55No, I just get protective over Jeff
19:59Do I detect the stirrings of passion?
20:01Oh, well, Jeff
20:04Don't be ridiculous
20:05You're blushing, darling
20:06I'm not blushing
20:08It's just
20:10Sometimes I'd like to hold him
20:11And tell him everything's going to be all right
20:13Oh, I wish someone would do that for me
20:17Oh, everything's going to be all right
20:25Hello
20:26Marty!
20:28What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?
20:29I've got some great news, Jeff
20:31Not now, Marty
20:32Look
20:32What?
20:35Oh, sorry
20:36Yes
20:40You kept that quiet, didn't you?
20:43Marty, get out
20:45Now!
20:49Marty, don't you ever appear when I'm in the shower again
20:52You're always turning up at the wrong moment
20:54It's very embarrassing
20:55Well, I don't know, do I?
20:56I don't know what you're up to till I get down here
20:58Anyway, let me tell you about
20:59Listen, Marty
21:00I need you
21:02To hack into a computer system for me
21:04Hey!
21:05I'm trying to tell you something important
21:07You want to think about somebody else for a change
21:09I'm dead, remember?
21:11Marty, listen
21:12I'm sorry, but nobody ever said that being dead was going to be one long cocktail party
21:16Well, actually, it is
21:18That's what I've been trying to tell you about
21:19I've finally done it, grade one
21:21I'm now allowed to mingle with all the other dead people I've met
21:23Marilyn Monroe
21:24Mata Hari
21:26Bridgette Bardot
21:27Bridgette Bardot isn't dead
21:31Well, all right, it wasn't her
21:32It was that other really sexy French actress
21:34Look, I'm very pleased for you, Marty
21:36But will you listen
21:37Marie Antoinette
21:40Marty, shut up and listen to me
21:41While I tell you what it is, what I want you to do
21:44I can't believe you're trying to find Maurice Cram
21:46You killed my father, for God's sake
21:48You don't know that
21:49It was a stray bullet
21:50It could have been anyone
21:50And why are you apologising for him?
21:54Quite frankly, Marty
21:55Wallace is offering a very good fee and I'm skint
21:57Will you stop doing that?
22:00He's been in a coma for 30 years
22:02He's served his time, hasn't he?
22:06All I want is the address
22:16All right, I'll get it for you
22:17But after that, I'm having no more to do with this, right?
22:19You're on your own on this one
22:20I'm going back to where I'm appreciated
22:22So don't try and call me
22:32Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:45no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:45no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:45no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:45no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
22:45no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
23:03I still don't know how you did it, Jeff, how you found the address.
23:06I'm a detective, Jeannie. It's my job.
23:08Jeff, has anyone ever told you that you look like a monkey?
23:13It was a joke, OK? It was a joke.
23:16But you said a joke's when you say something funny and the other person laughs.
23:21Right, it wasn't a joke.
23:23So you're saying I do look like a monkey?
23:26Yeah, you do.
23:28Oh, right. What kind of monkey?
23:34Mrs. Hope?
23:35Yes. Hello. Could we have a word, please?
23:38But I don't know where Maurice is.
23:40You went to see him in the hospital, though?
23:42Yes, but I don't know who told you I brought him home with me.
23:45It was 30 years ago. Why can't I be left alone?
23:49But we've got a substantial amount of money for Maurice.
23:51And you won't tell me who this mysterious benefactor is?
23:54I can't. He wants to remain anonymous.
23:57I know this is difficult, dredging up old memories,
23:59but if you had any idea where he was...
24:02Maurice never wanted anything to do with Sidney's life.
24:05But after Sid died, he had no choice.
24:09Well, he's out of it now, and I don't want anything to take him back.
24:12We wouldn't, Mrs. Hope.
24:14But we're not going to give up.
24:16It's just a matter of time. We're going to find Maurice, whatever.
24:19Why? Why can't you leave him be?
24:22You're just stirring up ghosts from the past.
24:37Have you got any olives?
24:39Green or black. Cheeky.
24:41It doesn't make any difference, really.
24:42I just think they're all imaginary.
24:43I might as well eat cheap footballs.
24:45Might as well eat real footballs.
24:47There's no taste, no texture, no nothing.
24:49That's a double negative, Dax.
24:52Sorry.
24:55Opcark!
25:01Opcark!
25:12Come on, Geoff. We shouldn't be in here.
25:14We're just doing our job.
25:16I mean, Jean, come on.
25:17It's quite clear she's not telling us everything, isn't it?
25:19Yes, but if she doesn't want to talk to us,
25:20then we shouldn't force her to.
25:23We could ask her round.
25:25We could watch the house.
25:27We could even follow her.
25:29That won't be necessary.
25:32If I take you to him, will you let him rest in peace?
25:39Thirty years.
25:42Thirty years asleep.
25:46He was always a dreamer.
25:48And now dreams is all he has.
25:55We'll bring you the money, Mrs. Hope.
25:57I don't want any money.
25:59Eh?
26:00Can't you understand?
26:02You were never here.
26:04You never saw Morris.
26:06You will go and never come back.
26:14You don't know how long I'm waiting for this, Opcark.
26:16I think you've got the wrong blood.
26:17I've never seen you before in me life.
26:18Nice try.
26:19Shaving off the mustache, don't fool me.
26:21You always was a weasel.
26:23A weasel and a coward.
26:24Yeah, I'm a weasel and a coward, but I think it's a severe case of mistaken identity.
26:29I'm going to rip your soul out and eat it.
26:31They say that you can't feel nothing up here, but you can always feel pain.
26:34And I know how to hurt you in a million different ways.
26:38Yeah.
26:39I've always said that the only good copper is a dead copper.
26:42And the only good dead copper is a good dead copper in pain.
26:48Now, that wasn't a very elegant insult, was it?
26:51Shut up, Gomez.
26:56Well, who got out of the wrong side of his coffin this morning, then?
27:03Well, like I think it's me father Larry who want.
27:06I'm not a copper.
27:07I never have been.
27:09You're not Larry Upcork?
27:15You're not Larry Upcork?
27:17I'm his son, Marty.
27:19Pleased to meet you.
27:20And you are?
27:22Who am I?
27:23I am your nemesis.
27:25Well, we've already established that, but could you be a bit more specific?
27:30Sidney Crabb.
27:32Bloody hell.
27:34It's definitely me father you want.
27:35We'll see about that.
27:37Larry Upcork, listen up.
27:39I've got your son here, and I'm about to make his death very miserable indeed.
27:47You can run up, Kirk, but you'll never be free of me.
27:50You will never be free of me!
27:52I'm sorry, Harry, but she's adamant.
27:54She wants none of it.
27:55I'm afraid there's nothing else we can do for you.
27:57I'm offering her a substantial amount of money.
28:00It's not about the money.
28:01You didn't tell her who I was?
28:03No, no, no.
28:04I don't see what the problem is, then.
28:06Listen, Mr. Wallace, you felt rotten about what you did to Morris, and you wanted to make
28:10sure he was all right.
28:11Well, he is.
28:12He's obviously well looked after.
28:14He's loved.
28:15But things are as good as they can be.
28:18You couldn't give me the address, could you?
28:20I could send something, a letter, or...
28:23Harry, she doesn't want any contact at all.
28:25I'm sorry.
28:26Maybe you should just respect her wishes.
28:28Put it out of your mind.
28:29Forget about the past.
28:30It's all over now.
28:33Maybe you're right.
28:36Sorry, Harry.
28:38Bye.
28:40Bye.
28:45Do you think we've done the right thing?
28:47Of course we did.
28:49Lost our fee again, though.
28:50Yeah, well...
28:52It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the
28:55gates of heaven.
28:57That's true, Jeannie.
28:58But, you know, I don't want to enter the gates of heaven.
29:00All I want to do is pay one, or perhaps two.
29:04Can you imagine three of these bills?
29:17You've got to help me, Wyvern.
29:18I'm in big trouble.
29:19Oh?
29:20Sidney Krabs after me.
29:21Who?
29:22Somebody that my dad sort of kind of killed.
29:25If there is blood involved, Mr. Hopkirk, then there is nothing I can do.
29:29The ties of death are stronger than I, I warned you.
29:32Well, maybe my dad can help me.
29:34Where can I find him?
29:34He's not here in limbo.
29:36He passed over to the realm of the Dreaming Dead.
29:39Right.
29:43Where's that, then?
29:45The second star to the right and straight on to mourning.
29:50Huh?
29:51It's not exactly anywhere.
29:53This place is a construct of dreams and memories.
29:58In his death is where you'll find him, if you find him.
30:01In his death and in your heart, he is not of this world.
30:04You can do no more than talk.
30:06No.
30:07He's my dad.
30:08He'll help me.
30:08Somehow he'll help me.
30:17Jeannie!
30:17Oh, um, I thought you might like to drown your sores, but maybe some other time.
30:22No, don't go.
30:22Jeannie, I'll only be a minute.
30:23Come in, please.
30:25Go through.
30:25No funny business, though, yeah?
30:31I'm not sure about this, Addy.
30:33I am, Larry.
30:37Dad?
30:39The horrendous thing once and for all.
30:41Still don't like it.
30:42I don't have to like it.
30:43Just do as you're told.
30:45Here, three.
30:49Dad!
30:56Dad.
30:57Dad.
31:17Who is it?
31:20It's me.
31:26You look vaguely familiar.
31:28It's me, Marty, your son.
31:30Marty?
31:32You look different.
31:33Have you put on weight?
31:34Dad, I'm 30 years old.
31:35You haven't seen me since I was eight.
31:36You forget so much.
31:38So much.
31:41Well, I'll be seeing you.
31:42Things to do.
31:43Dad, wait.
31:44I need to talk to you.
31:45Listen.
31:45You remember Sidney Crabb?
31:48Sidney Crabb?
31:49The gangster.
31:49Sidney Crabb the gangster.
31:52Ah, Sidney Crabb.
31:53It's all right.
31:54I've forgiven him.
31:55Yeah, well, he hasn't forgiven you, but he can't get to you, so he's after me instead.
31:59Are you dead, son?
32:01Yes, I'm afraid I am.
32:03Those Upkirks always were an unlucky bunch.
32:06Always destined to die before I would ever amount to anything.
32:09Even as a child, I knew you'd never amount to anything.
32:12Dad, I really needed to hear that right now.
32:14Look, I need your help.
32:16He's after me.
32:17I'm too busy.
32:18Busy?
32:18Busy doing what?
32:23Million and one things.
32:24Million and one.
32:26Dad.
32:28Dad!
32:28Never amount to anything, those Upkirks.
32:31Even in death.
32:32Dad!
32:42Your father wouldn't help you.
32:45Yeah, I know.
32:46I don't know what to do.
32:48How to get away from Sidney.
32:49Maybe I could just stay down with Jeff.
32:51If you have seen Sidney Crabb here in Limbo, then he is a restless soul, like yourself, still attached to
32:57his chosen one, to someone on the mortal plane.
33:00You may never be able to get away from him anywhere.
33:03Well, what's the worst he could do?
33:05He could cast you into the pit of oblivion where your soul...
33:08Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
33:09Languish for time without end and pain without beginning.
33:14Thanks for the tip, old man.
33:15Thanks for the tip.
33:17Try not to be afraid, Mr. Hopkirk.
33:19He will feed on your fear.
33:20Who said I was afraid?
33:40I'll get it!
33:45Hi.
33:46Sorry, did you want to see Jeff?
33:48Oh, it's all right.
33:51You'll do fine.
33:52Was it about Maurice Crabb?
33:54Yeah, I've, er, had an idea.
33:57Yeah?
33:58Yeah.
33:59I thought you could take me to him.
34:01I'm sorry.
34:03Take me to him.
34:04You know I can't do that.
34:05Can't you?
34:10Come on.
34:11Let's go.
34:14Let's go.
34:23Help me, Jeff.
34:25Sid's after me.
34:27Jeff!
34:28Jeannie!
34:30Jeff!
34:32Jeff!
34:34Jeff!
34:39That's enough of this sanniness.
34:41Let's go and find Maurice.
34:42And don't try calling her to randle again.
34:45If he comes through, that does a dead man.
34:47Jeff!
34:47Come on.
34:47Let's move.
34:48This is ridiculous.
34:49Stop your squawking and get out of the car.
34:56Jeff!
34:57Jeff!
35:10You never intended to give Maurice Crabb any money, did you?
35:13The German that killed my best friend.
35:16Stole my wife.
35:17The man whose brother put a bullet in my back and consigned me to a long, slow death.
35:21Don't make me laugh, darling.
35:23I wouldn't want to give him any money.
35:24So all you ever planned was to kill him?
35:26Well, and then what?
35:27Did you really think you'd get away with it?
35:29Why do I care?
35:33There's a bullet next to my heart and he needs to move a millimetre and I'm dead.
35:38Thirty years I've been dying while he lies there asleep.
35:41Is that fair?
35:43No.
35:44I want to make sure he goes first.
35:47Jeannie?
35:49There you are.
35:50What are you doing here?
35:51Where's Jeannie?
35:51She's being kidnapped.
35:53Oh, yeah, of course she is.
35:54Wallace came in with a gun and bundled her off in her car.
35:57I was going to go with him, but the further away from you I am, the less my powers get.
36:00Marty, why didn't you come and get me?
36:02Because you were in the shower.
36:03Oh, Marty, you moron.
36:05Come on, let's get after him.
36:06In the shower?
36:07Make yourself all clean and fresh so you can seduce my fiancée.
36:23Hello, Deirdre.
36:24Harry!
36:26Sidney was in cold storage.
36:28He'd given up haunting.
36:29He was just waiting.
36:30Waiting for what?
36:31He'd lost contact with his chosen one.
36:33What, the person down here who can see him, yeah?
36:35Yeah.
36:36So who is Sidney's chosen one?
36:39I don't know, but he must have lost touch with him.
36:41And when you lose touch, you become inactive.
36:42You shut down.
36:44What woke him up then?
36:45You did.
36:46When you and Jeannie went digging up the past and stirring up all that old business about him and his
36:50brother Morris, it reactivated him.
36:52Yeah, I'm sorry, Marty, but I couldn't have known, could I?
36:54Can Sidney get to you down here?
36:56I don't know.
36:56I'm not sure.
36:57I don't think so.
36:58But I can't stay down here forever.
37:00I get tired, and when I get tired, I've got to go back.
37:03He, Marty, you'd have thought once you were dead, all your troubles would be over, wouldn't he?
37:06Yeah, well, the bottom line is, Jeff, I wish I was still alive.
37:12Bottom line is, Marty, I wish you were too.
37:21Wiggy-wiggy.
37:24Sweet revenge.
37:33I don't know if you can hear me sleeping, beauty, but I'm going to kill you.
37:39I'm going to kill you, and then I'm going to kill Deidre, and then I don't care what happens.
37:46Huh?
37:48You're going to make me friendly.
37:52You're in.
37:56Here, Jeff, they're in here.
37:58Jeannie!
37:59Jeannie, you all right?
38:01Where's Wallace?
38:02Sweet dreams.
38:26I hope you're satisfied.
38:30I'm sorry, Mrs. Hope.
38:31I thought we were doing the right thing.
38:34Morris.
38:35Morris!
38:37It's Wallace!
38:55It's Wallace!
38:55I'm not all right.
38:57Of course I'm not all right, mate.
38:58I've just been shot.
39:00It's okay.
39:00It's not bleeding much.
39:04Morris, you old fraud.
39:06Sorry.
39:08I'm not.
39:10No, Sidney.
39:12I'll deal with you later, Morris.
39:14No, Sid.
39:15Leave me alone.
39:16Please, leave me alone.
39:17I chose you.
39:19You can't un-choose me.
39:21Now, up to...
39:22You're coming with me.
39:26Oh, yes.
39:30No, Sidney!
39:36There you go.
39:37The pitch of oblivion.
39:40Well, you've got this brat.
39:42Son of plod.
39:43Pudging your filth.
39:45Do you have the guts to do what I did?
39:47Do you have the guts to throw yourself into oblivion,
39:51or am I going to have to help you?
39:53Sid, I was only eight years old when you died.
39:55You can't blame me.
39:56Shut up.
39:57My only regret is that he only had one son.
39:59I wish there was more of you up-kirt scum
40:01to log down here in a puddle of eternity.
40:03Yeah.
40:05And when I'm done with you,
40:06I'm going to go and give that bullet by Wallace's heart
40:08a little nudge,
40:09and you will get that fat sod.
40:11And after that,
40:13after that,
40:14I am going to have words with my brother Morris
40:17for tricking me all these years.
40:20Oh, sweet death.
40:23I've never believed in ghosts.
40:24I don't think I ever really believed Morris,
40:27but he believed it.
40:29He really believed his brother Sidney was haunting him,
40:32making him do things,
40:34bad things.
40:35And then when he was shot,
40:37he was in a coma for months.
40:39But one day,
40:40I was with him in the hospital,
40:42and he winked at me.
40:45He was awake.
40:47But the only way he could be free of his haunting
40:49was to pretend that he was still out of it.
40:53After a while,
40:54he said Sidney stopped coming.
40:57And in the end,
40:58I brought him here,
40:59and we've been hiding ever since.
41:01The ambulance is on his way.
41:03How's he doing?
41:04I don't know.
41:05He's unconscious.
41:07It feels very cold.
41:16Come on,
41:17fight, Jeff.
41:19Come on, please.
41:24Fight, please.
41:25Come on.
41:27Jeff.
41:29Jeannie.
41:33Well, son, B,
41:34time's up.
41:36Hey!
41:37Daddy's not going to come and rescue you,
41:39but if you're not man enough
41:40to take the plunge...
41:42It's your uncle, Sidney.
41:43Point you in the right direction.
41:44Oh, Sidney, please.
41:45Can't we wear something out?
41:46Don't waste your breath, Opcote.
41:48Nothing and no one
41:49is going to save you.
41:51Now.
41:53Oh, no.
41:54Not again.
42:00You all right?
42:01Yeah.
42:02Thanks.
42:03No, you're welcome.
42:06Wait a minute.
42:06You're not supposed to be here.
42:08I am.
42:09I'm dead, I think.
42:10No, you're not, Paul.
42:11Come on.
42:11We're going to have to get you back.
42:13It's too late for that.
42:16It's never too late, Jeff.
42:18Come on, Jeff.
42:20Fight.
42:21Come on, please.
42:35Come on, please.
42:48Thank God.
42:50Don't thank him too soon, Morris.
42:52Your troubles aren't over yet.
42:54Come on.
42:54Let's get this over with.
43:11No, you listen to me.
43:19I've been there, right?
43:20I'm the one who's dead,
43:21so don't try and tell me
43:22about how the afterlife works.
43:23All right, Marty.
43:24Keep your shirt on.
43:24All I'm saying is
43:25is that Wallace
43:26had a pretty miserable life.
43:27He deserves to see out
43:28eternity somewhere nice.
43:30Jeff!
43:31The man tried to kill you.
43:32Yeah, but he didn't, did he?
43:34I mean, I lost a lot of blood, yeah,
43:36but I think at the end of the day
43:37he had a point.
43:38What point?
43:39He was a copper.
43:40Of all people,
43:41he should have understood
43:41about justice.
43:42He'll have gone downstairs.
43:44He was all right.
43:45He'll be on a cloud now,
43:46somewhere up there,
43:47probably playing the harp.
43:49Harp.
43:50It'll be fire and brimstone
43:52and treacle for him.
43:54No way.
43:55No way.
43:55They'll forgive him.
43:56Jeff, for the last time,
43:57he'll have gone down.
43:59He was a bad man.
44:02Marty, you're so easy to wind up.
44:23Larry.
44:25Larry.
44:40You're so easy to wind up.
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