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  • 2 days ago
First broadcast 30th November 2012.

Stephen Fry

Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Julian Clary
Ross Noble

Category

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TV
Transcript
00:01Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
00:04And to some extent, good evening and welcome to QI, where tonight the joint is jumping.
00:11Lots of hoops to get through, so let's meet our jumpers.
00:15A classy thoroughbred, Julian Clary.
00:24Fix as a flea, Ross Noble.
00:32The human pogo stick, Bill Bailey.
00:40And a nice, warm, woolly top, Alan Davis.
00:49So, they've all got buzzers, and Julian goes.
00:53Jump around, jump around.
00:59Well, I'm not happy.
01:02Sounds of you jumping in there, I believe, in the pop music sphere.
01:05Ross goes.
01:10Good overbite.
01:12That also had jump.
01:13Bill goes.
01:22I've no idea what that means.
01:24That was a band, Alan.
01:25Alan goes.
01:27Tiny kangaroo dance.
01:30Tiny kangaroo dance.
01:31Tiny kangaroo dance.
01:32A little jumpy thing, too.
01:35So, it's jumpers.
01:36First tonight, I'd like you all to give me your impression of some Mexican jumping beans.
01:43Hello there.
01:44We are jumping beans.
01:46Why are we doing the jumping?
01:47We cannot help ourselves.
01:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:50No.
01:50He's very good.
01:50The cucaracha, the cucaracha.
01:53I can't say there is...
01:54They're not doing anything.
01:55They're not doing anything.
01:55There is a slight embarrassment here.
01:57What's happened?
01:58We ordered the Mexican jumping beans over the internet.
02:02Oh.
02:03And they arrived in fully jumping form.
02:06Oh.
02:07But they have since died.
02:10I think this is...
02:11You've been...
02:12You've been had.
02:13This is a hazelnut.
02:15It looks like a hazelnut.
02:16It looks like a hazelnut.
02:18Yeah.
02:19Here they are.
02:20Here they are.
02:20It's more like Mexican fidgeting beans.
02:24Do you want to say that in a wildlife documentary, that's a pretty poor excuse, isn't it?
02:29Yeah, it is.
02:29If this was a wildlife record, here's these...
02:31We had some snakes earlier, but when they came in the post...
02:35DHL tried to wedge them through the...
02:38I know.
02:38It's deeply shameful.
02:40How were they mistreated then?
02:42What happened?
02:43Because Spring Watch will hear of this.
02:46Can we revive them with some powdered Doritos?
02:50A place of Mexican music and they'll be up and running here.
02:53Oh, look.
02:55I'll just crack one open.
02:55There's something in it.
02:57Yes, there is.
02:57Tiny battery.
02:58Yes.
03:01Creature.
03:02There is a creature and there is a larva.
03:04A larva which has now sadly died as you've...
03:06They've hatched.
03:07They've become...
03:08Is it a flea of some kind?
03:09Is it a...
03:10Is it a...
03:11Is it from the Coleopteryos?
03:12You want to say beetle, aren't you?
03:14I want to say beetle.
03:15I said Coleoptera.
03:16Which is even...
03:17A really smart way of saying beetle.
03:20Yeah, because this is that sort of program, isn't it?
03:22It's not...
03:22It's not BBC breakfast, is it?
03:24Well, then...
03:25I want you to say...
03:26Not Coleoptera, but Lepidoptera.
03:28Oh!
03:29You mean butterflies?
03:31Well...
03:32No.
03:32Moths.
03:33Moths?
03:34Yes.
03:34They're the larva of a moth.
03:36Ah, right.
03:37And to be fair, they are seeds, not beans.
03:41Yeah.
03:42Up to 20 million of them are exported from Mexico every year around the world.
03:48For...
03:48As a novelty...
03:49Comedy purposes.
03:50Yeah, for comedy purposes.
03:52Anyway, the Mexican jumping bean isn't really a bean, but it does jump and it does come
03:58from Mexico.
03:58From the Sonoran Desert, in fact.
04:01Oh, right.
04:01In Sonora, we're going to stay.
04:04What's unusual about Bailey's Pocket Mouse?
04:09I only don't mean it.
04:12Obviously, Bailey's Pocket Mouse doesn't look like that.
04:15No.
04:15If you take away the handsome features, that's it, Bailey's Pocket Mouse.
04:20Is it some sort of desert mouse that doesn't drink or something?
04:23Well, you're almost right.
04:25You're very close.
04:25Oh, it does drink, but only Bailey's.
04:28Yeah.
04:31That's right.
04:31It shins up the bottle, but it brings its own miniature parasol.
04:36There is a particular oil-bearing plant in Mexico.
04:40Jojoba.
04:41Yes!
04:44And it was thought for many years that the Bailey's Mask was the only one that could
04:49tolerate eating it, because it is basically disgusting to all other animals.
04:55So they can survive on shampoo?
04:57Well, that's the point, yeah.
04:58It has then become a useful oil.
05:01Since whaling stopped, it has some of the same properties as whale oil.
05:06Not easier to apprehend.
05:08Yeah, than a whale.
05:09Exactly.
05:10You just get hold of a jojoba plant, and it gives off this oil.
05:13But very few animals eat it, and very few animals are tolerant of it.
05:18It's a disgusting oil.
05:19Well, not if you're a Bailey's Mouse, it's not.
05:23Exactly.
05:23And it was thought to be the only animal that could eat it.
05:27And in fact, three others have since been discovered that are also capable of surviving.
05:32Pete Burns.
05:32Jojoba.
05:34Pete Burns is one.
05:37Sean Ryder is another.
05:38Yes.
05:39I'm best.
05:40I'm best, yeah.
05:41The three go-to jojoba guys.
05:44As an oil, it's a laxative, and so some people use it as a frying oil, so that when you
05:50fry
05:51things in it, it just runs through you.
05:53So it's just a good way of keeping on the diet.
05:56But mostly, jojoba is used for...
05:59Shampoo.
06:00Your skin.
06:00Your skin, shampoo, cosmetics.
06:03Yes.
06:04And who was it who made jojoba famous?
06:07Billy Conley.
06:08Billy Conley exactly did a famous routine about jojoba.
06:12What's that?
06:13What the fuck's that?
06:14Choba?
06:15Choba?
06:16Is that choba?
06:17Choba?
06:17He has a way of repeating words, Billy Conley, that I remember many years ago, when, for
06:23the first time, he was elected president of Israel, and I got this phone call.
06:26Billy Conley was?
06:27No.
06:30I may have...
06:31Hey, I'll tell you what!
06:33I may have phrased this the wrong way, but this particular person had been, and the
06:39phone rang, and it was Billy Conley.
06:41He didn't introduce himself.
06:42He just went, Benjamin Netanyahu?
06:46And I said, what?
06:47He said, Benjamin Netanyahu?
06:50And I said, sorry, who is this?
06:52He went, Benjamin Netanyahu?
06:55What's that about, for fuck's sake, Benjamin Netanyahu?
07:01And he put the phone down.
07:02It was Billy Conley riffing on the name Benjamin Netanyahu.
07:09Yeah.
07:10And he would have done the same with jojoba.
07:13Jojoba.
07:13Jojoba.
07:14The month before November.
07:15That was the joke.
07:16Exactly.
07:16Sometimes, Paul O'Grady phones me up, and just goes, oh, fuck I'm shy.
07:25Then hangs out.
07:28What's that, get that?
07:29No.
07:30Stop me.
07:31No, don't.
07:32It doesn't say no, don't.
07:34Doesn't it?
07:34No, that's Frankie Howard.
07:35Oh, don't.
07:37So easily confused.
07:40That was your jojoba.
07:42Ah.
07:42Now, who put jolly jumpers on their skyscrapers?
07:47Is it Cockney Raymond slang?
07:49Jumpers on your skyscrapers.
07:52Doesn't rhyme with anything.
07:58It rhymes with rapists.
08:02That's all.
08:03Stop it.
08:04Stop it right now.
08:05They swoof up the sky.
08:07A horrible bunch of skyscrapers.
08:08Go back.
08:09Go back in time.
08:11Go back in time before tall buildings.
08:15What was a skyscraper before there was such things?
08:18A tree?
08:19No.
08:20A hut.
08:21Was it an erection?
08:23No.
08:25No.
08:27No.
08:28It wasn't that.
08:29Some sort of plane or aviation device.
08:32Was it an aviation device?
08:34Look at the picture.
08:35Look at the picture.
08:35A sail.
08:36Oh, yes.
08:37The top one was called the skyscraper.
08:40But above it, there would be another one.
08:43It's called the Jolly Jumper.
08:45And the Jolly Jumper was the highest sail on a boat.
08:49So it would be a sailor who would put a Jolly Jumper on a skyscraper.
08:54Oh.
08:54Oh.
08:55Isn't that pleasing?
08:57That is quite interesting.
08:58I'm glad you're interested.
09:00Crows nest.
09:01Vest.
09:05Spinnaker.
09:06Spinnaker.
09:06Football.
09:07Comedy at that.
09:08I'm sure.
09:10So, but anyway, talking on skyscrapers and jumping and jumping is, of course, our theme.
09:16There's a famous kind of jumping that originated in Polynesia.
09:21Bungie.
09:21Bungie.
09:22Bungie jumping.
09:22How did that begin?
09:24It was the tribesmen with the twines.
09:26Yes.
09:26They twine themselves up.
09:27They used vines.
09:29Yeah, vines, twines.
09:30Vines, yeah.
09:31Exactly, yeah.
09:31Very much time, wasn't it?
09:32Vines twine, yeah.
09:34Swine, vines.
09:35Yeah, you know, they're vines and they tie it round and then they jump.
09:38But they didn't sort of...
09:39They turn around that ankle.
09:40It would go into the mud.
09:41The heads go into that.
09:43Right into the mud.
09:43Right into the mud.
09:43And we have film of precisely that.
09:45Here you are.
09:46Pretty scary.
09:48Whoa.
09:49Oh, I've just got it.
09:51Oh, I've got it.
09:51That's not an idiot.
09:53That's the thing about women laughing their heads off.
09:57That's the Pentecost Islands in the South Seas where it was first observed.
10:01And do you know who brought it to the world's attention?
10:04Butlins.
10:04No.
10:07It was David Attenborough, 50 years ago, did a documentary in which he showed this.
10:12And then Oxford Dangerous Sports Society started doing it off Clifton Suspension Bridge.
10:17Yes.
10:17But the first official bungee jumping was done by A.J. Hackett in New Zealand.
10:23Where are you?
10:24Where are you?
10:25Near Queenstown.
10:26There's the bridge.
10:27And you're about to see a superhero.
10:29A man of astounding courage and bravery.
10:32Yeah.
10:32Do a bungee jump off the original A.J. Hackett bridge.
10:36There he is.
10:36Can you see him there?
10:38He's fat.
10:39He's...
10:40He's...
10:40It's...
10:40It's me!
10:42Oh!
10:44Oh!
10:45There I am.
10:46That was me bungee jumping just last...
10:49Earlier this year, in fact.
10:51Goodness me.
10:52And do you know, the weird thing is, I am the biggest coward in the world.
10:54The moment...
10:56The moment I was picked up by the relief boat that picked you up, I said,
11:00I want to do it again.
11:02The adrenaline surge is so enormous.
11:05It is the biggest fun I've ever had.
11:09And does it...
11:09Does it pull at your ankles?
11:12Well...
11:12The major problem usually is detached retinas, actually.
11:15Yes.
11:15People get Popeye'd.
11:17What about when we went scuba diving and your mask was too tight?
11:21Yeah, I don't...
11:22His eyes nearly came out of his head.
11:25Oh...
11:26He was inside the mask.
11:28He was classified.
11:30We're going...
11:31We're all going...
11:32Look at Bill.
11:33He's all right.
11:34His neck is all right.
11:35And when we found out it was all right, I laughed...
11:37I laughed.
11:39I laughed.
11:40Can I just...
11:41Wait.
11:41Wait, wait, wait, wait.
11:42Well, rewind.
11:43Rewind.
11:44Can we just go back to the bit where you said,
11:46can we...
11:46When you checked we were all right, you laughed, man.
11:49You were laughing from the minute my face came out of the water.
11:54There was blood.
11:56There was blood pouring out of my eyes.
11:58You had no idea.
11:59You had no idea.
12:00I had no idea.
12:01People were going...
12:02Oh, my God.
12:04Oh, my God.
12:06I was like, what?
12:07What?
12:07What?
12:08What?
12:08Like Carrie, was I like, with blood.
12:10Screaming from my eyes.
12:11He did get eyeballs.
12:13But it took quite a long time for them to receive as well.
12:15Yes, it did.
12:17And a lot of laughing was going on.
12:19I thought he had some sort of magnifying mask on.
12:22But when he took the mask off, they were still enormous.
12:24Enormous.
12:25Oh!
12:26Anyway, there's an even more extreme form of jumping,
12:29which is bungee in the dark, where you can't tell how far you've fallen.
12:33In the dark?
12:34As a cocktail.
12:36Yes.
12:36A bungee in the dark, please.
12:39You have no idea how far you're going to fall.
12:41No.
12:42What...
12:42What are bungee...
12:43What are bungee ropes usually made of?
12:45Erm...
12:46Elastic.
12:47Latex, yeah.
12:48Oh, I've got a suit in latex.
12:50Have you?
12:51Just had it made.
12:53I would like a photograph sent to me of that, please.
12:57In 2008, one Carl Dionysio used one made from 18,500 watts joined together.
13:06Socks.
13:07Also latex.
13:08Elastic bands.
13:09Condoms.
13:10Condoms is the right answer.
13:13That's the greatest condom bungee of all time.
13:15If they all inflated, it would be like they're seen from Up when the house takes off.
13:20It would indeed.
13:21And was there just loads of really tired women just in his garden?
13:26Yes.
13:27Anyway, so jumping off a bridge turns out to be as easy as falling off a log.
13:32Now, how could these weights give you an extra six and a half inches?
13:39Hang them from your cock.
13:51Oh, dear.
13:53Wow.
13:54Is it to do with stretching out your spine?
13:57No.
13:58It's some sort of an inscription on here.
14:00Yes.
14:00In what language?
14:01Sort of...
14:03Greek, was it?
14:04Greek is the right answer.
14:05Is it Greek?
14:06Oh, right.
14:06This is the new Greek currency.
14:19Hang on a second.
14:20I'll just get Wilma.
14:24You had it the wrong way up.
14:25Yeah.
14:25You had it the wrong way up.
14:26I've got no signal.
14:28I've got nothing.
14:28Let's do it that way.
14:29No, the other way up.
14:30That's it.
14:31That's it.
14:32The mad thing is, if Bill and I were to put these two things together,
14:35we would unleash the apocalypse.
14:37Oh, yes.
14:38So you're not allowed to.
14:40Keep away.
14:40Yeah.
14:41They're called haltereis.
14:43They're Greek.
14:44Okay.
14:44And they gave you an extra six and a half inches advantage at a sporting event.
14:50Yeah?
14:50Yeah.
14:51Punching with rocks.
14:54Six and a half inches.
14:55If you're hurling with the other hand and that weight gives you more of a spin.
14:58That's a thought, but it's certainly an event in which you are judged by the greatest distance
15:06you have covered.
15:07Or the long jump.
15:07Long jumping.
15:08Long jumping.
15:09You use these.
15:10You just fling your arms out.
15:12At first, when people found them, they thought they might be used as a handicap system.
15:16For people who were better at long jumping, they would hold them back and weigh them down.
15:20But actually, you wind it up, you wind it up, you wind it up, and then you jump, and it
15:26gives you an extra six and a half inches advantage.
15:29And also, you look like that.
15:31You can see them depicted there, just a pair of them hanging on the plate.
15:36Is there some sort of checking system in the Olympics to check that people aren't, you
15:40know, giving themselves an extra advantage?
15:43Well, nowadays, of course, you would certainly not be allowed to do that.
15:46You would not be allowed to use it.
15:47Metal implants and then knuckles.
15:48Yeah, exactly.
15:50That's what they do, you get nipples and then, you know, the piercings.
15:53Yeah.
15:53Big magnet at the other end.
15:55The general one!
15:58You go and knock us first across the road.
16:03So, the hammer then, what sort of, I don't understand.
16:06That's Celtic.
16:07Putting the shot was a Celtic one.
16:09But the original Greek ones were the discus and the javelin and standing long jumps.
16:14Standing long jumps existed until 1912 in the Olympics.
16:18In other words, you didn't run up, you just went, yeah.
16:20And the record, bizarrely, it is pure coincidence, but the record for the standing long jump
16:27is 12 feet 2 inches.
16:30No way.
16:30And it so happens.
16:32What?
16:32That the distance between there and there is exactly 12 feet 2 inches.
16:39And I'm going to do it for you now!
16:41The world record standing long jump is exactly that distance.
16:45Was it set by that man with a flat cap and the cigarette on the right?
16:49He was furious.
16:50He was furious that this bloke was doing it because the other bloke copyrighted the idea.
16:55Exactly.
16:56Have you heard of Fjärlippen?
16:59Lippen?
16:59It sounds Scandinavian.
17:00It exists in East Anglia and in Friesia and mostly in Holland, though.
17:05Oh, jump in, er, jump in the, er, the dikes.
17:08Jump in the dikes using a pole.
17:10Yeah.
17:10And it's a big sport.
17:11And we do it in Norfolk, where I come from.
17:14You know they've got bridges now.
17:15Yeah, yeah.
17:17So much less fun.
17:18And you can actually see some...
17:21No.
17:22Mock ye not.
17:23Watch some film of some splendid Fjärlippen performers and you will be impressed.
17:29Here you are.
17:29Big run.
17:31Whoa!
17:33And...
17:33Yes!
17:34And didn't even fall over.
17:37Oh, look at that.
17:38Less fortunate.
17:41Just to prove it's not as easy as you think.
17:45And...
17:45Whoa!
17:47There you are.
17:48Fjärlippen.
17:49Whoa!
17:51That's a good one.
17:53Ooh!
17:54Isn't that...
17:54You can watch that forever.
17:55Yeah, they should do that.
17:56Like, instead of just straightforward pole dancing, they should just have, like, a loose brass pole and then a woman
18:02in her pants runs out.
18:04Hey!
18:05And then it's less sexual.
18:07You know, it's...
18:08You can watch her harking.
18:10I think it is sexual.
18:11You're in...
18:11Yeah.
18:12Desperate need of help, Ross.
18:16Now, you have some jump leads and some bits of old phone.
18:20Show me how to telephone a catfish.
18:24Oh.
18:25Jump leads and bits of phone.
18:27All right?
18:28Phone.
18:29I want you...
18:30Actually, you're fine.
18:30Show me...
18:31Oh, yeah.
18:31Sorry.
18:34Using...
18:35Using these implements...
18:37That's real.
18:38...how you would telephone...
18:40Oh, sorry.
18:40We thought you said foam.
18:42No.
18:43We were looking for a sponge.
18:48What have we got to do?
18:49Using these items, you should be able to telephone a catfish.
18:53This is like Blue Peter.
18:54It is, isn't it?
18:59What do you have to do?
19:03You have to telephone a catfish.
19:07Hello.
19:08118.
19:08118.
19:09118.
19:09I have the number of catfish, please.
19:14You're in America.
19:15Yep.
19:16Catfish.
19:16There you can see one behind you.
19:18Highly popular dish all over the southern states of Louisiana and places like that.
19:22There's a way of catching catfish using a telephone.
19:27Okay.
19:28I'm just going to chuck something out here.
19:30Throw it thrown at me.
19:31I'll tell you what the group thinks.
19:33There's a small electric current that passes through a phone line.
19:38Yep.
19:38So you isolate...
19:40It passes here, here, here and here.
19:44Yes, the current passes here, here and here.
19:47Point A, B.
19:48Listen carefully.
19:49We'll say this only once.
19:50I'll say this only once.
19:51And then you place the...
19:52These are called the powerful bulldog clips
19:57upon the two terminals here and here.
20:01That's electrocuting.
20:02Ah!
20:03I think you've connected the same wire to itself.
20:06Yes, yes.
20:07There's a few teething problems, obviously.
20:10Now, there we are.
20:11There we have a current.
20:12There's a copper bit there.
20:13That must be doing something.
20:14Right.
20:15Yep.
20:15Now you place these in the water.
20:18Yes.
20:18Near the catfish.
20:19And then you dial, I don't know, 1-800 catfish.
20:24And it causes a small current to pass through the water,
20:28stunning the catfish, which floats the service.
20:30Yeah, absolutely right.
20:31All right.
20:32It was in the early days of telephones, actually, to be honest,
20:34when they used these magnetos, it was the old dialer phone thing.
20:38Oh, yeah.
20:38And you would take that from your phone, the old wind-up phone.
20:42You'd crank the handle.
20:43The fish would be stunned by the electrical current
20:47and he would simply scoop them up and take them home.
20:49So it's not specific to catfish?
20:51Well, it was used for catfish.
20:53And it was so successful that it became essentially illegal
20:58because it overfished the catfish population.
21:00I've seen someone doing that in Thailand with a car battery.
21:03He slung over his shoulder on a strap.
21:04I know, they do it.
21:05Yeah.
21:06And a pole and just wading up to his knees and just zapping.
21:10And as you'll know, Bill, in Indonesia, they use cyanide and dynamite to fish.
21:14Yes.
21:14On the tourists.
21:15Yeah.
21:17In Georgia, in 1955, you could get 30 days on a chain gang for telephoning a fish.
21:24It was called literally telephoning the fish.
21:27There's an academic study called Telephoning Fish, An Examination of the Creative Deviants
21:33Used by Wildlife Violators in the United States.
21:37So it was that big of a problem.
21:39He could probably smash a rabbit's head in with that as well.
21:42Yeah.
21:43There's a lot of wildlife that could meet a terrible end from this stuff.
21:47You know, round a panther, you know.
21:51There was another thing they used to do, which is a way of poaching deer.
21:54Is that in the evenings, the deer would mingle with cattle.
21:59Socially?
21:59Socially, yeah.
22:01And you would crawl up behind the cow with a pistol and you'd shoot the deer.
22:06Oh.
22:07But the problem is you're in the middle of a field and you're miles from home.
22:10Oh.
22:11So what you would then do is you would get an air pump and you would place it up the
22:15rectum
22:16of the deer and you would pump it full of air and you'd put it on the river and it
22:22would
22:22float downstream to your partner who would then place it on the boat.
22:25It was a way of transporting poached deer by pumping them up.
22:29By pumping them with air.
22:30At the jackson.
22:32I was standing behind the cow to shoot the deer so that the other deer would think the
22:35cow did it.
22:38Exactly.
22:40But actually, it goes further back than that.
22:43Native Americans used walnuts and buckeye leaves to grind and drop them in the water,
22:48which would instantly de-oxygenate the water downstream.
22:51The fish would come straight to the surface.
22:54Cunning.
22:54Which is very, very clever.
22:56There are ways of catching fish that are sort of unfair.
23:00It's very easy.
23:01I've caught mackerel with nothing that resembles a lure of fish.
23:06A simple shopping trolley.
23:08Or by singing?
23:08Just by singing.
23:10Singing.
23:10They're so stupid.
23:11Yep.
23:11They're really odd.
23:14Anything.
23:15You could just lower a piece of paper with hook written on it.
23:18And they would...
23:22Poor mackerel.
23:23Swim to the shore.
23:24Fling yourself onto the beach.
23:25Okay.
23:27So it's time to put away our telephones and our objects if we can.
23:31All right.
23:32Okay.
23:33So much for telephoning fish.
23:34How about jumping camels?
23:37What?
23:38Jumping camels.
23:39Jumping camels?
23:40What do you mean?
23:41Just, you know, without any kind of a chit-chat before?
23:44Just, er...
23:47Jump of the beast.
23:49Just straight in, er...
23:50In the Yemen.
23:51In the desert as well.
23:51In the Yemen.
23:52I don't believe that a camel can jump.
23:53I don't believe they can lift it to hop around.
23:54It's not the camels that are jumping.
23:56Do you jump from one camel to another?
23:58It's more than that.
23:59Think Eddie Kidd.
24:00Oh, jumping over...
24:01Oh, right.
24:02Yeah.
24:02Stunt...
24:02Stunt...
24:04Not bike, though.
24:06Oh.
24:06Just simply by your own human power.
24:09Leaping over camels.
24:10What?
24:11The record is six.
24:13No.
24:14One human being can run up and leap over six strometries.
24:18With a trampoline or something?
24:20No.
24:20There's a small amount of dirt laid up as a kind of jumping off point, but no trampoline.
24:25Is there a bicycle pump involved?
24:26No bicycle pump.
24:28No bicycle pump.
24:30I mean, Yemen has some of the world's severest water shortages.
24:33It's got a 50th of the average of the world's water supply.
24:36Despite the fact that they have so little water, 40% of the water they have is spent on cultivating
24:45what?
24:47Gulf courses.
24:47No.
24:47They don't have that in Yemen.
24:49No.
24:49Er...
24:50Something that they are addicted to.
24:52Coffee?
24:53Tea?
24:53Something they chew.
24:54Oh, er...
24:55Chewing gum.
24:56Cat.
24:57Cat is the right answer.
24:59Yes.
24:59Cat.
25:00There it is.
25:01Cat.
25:01You can see it behind you.
25:03Not cats, but cat.
25:04Cat.
25:05Cat is a herb.
25:06It's a slight stimulant.
25:07It's not like a cane or speed or anything like that.
25:10It's not like an amphetamine.
25:11It's more like a...
25:12an espresso.
25:14Well...
25:14It gives you a kind of buzz.
25:16Yeah, it's like an aero.
25:17Oh...
25:17Oh...
25:21Oh...
25:21It's about a third of the economic activity of the Yemen, er...
25:25No wonder they're doing so well.
25:27...goes into cat.
25:28Don't they have cat houses in London, don't they?
25:30Er...
25:30Where people actually go around and chew it.
25:32Yeah.
25:32They seem like the Yemeni blokes to sit around and just...
25:35For days on end.
25:36That's really good.
25:36And all the men get huge pouchy cheeks because they...
25:39they fill with so much of it.
25:41I know where I'm going for my holidays.
25:43LAUGHTER
25:49All right.
25:51OK.
25:53So...
25:53Er...
25:54While we're there,
25:55what did the environmentalists say to the camel?
25:59Stop farting.
26:00They produce a lot of methane.
26:01Yes, they do.
26:02Where in particular?
26:03Out the rock.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07APPLAUSE
26:13There's a particular place where camels are...
26:16Er...
26:17...extremely numerous.
26:18Egypt.
26:19Yes, but this is a place where...
26:21Oh, Australia, is it?
26:22Australia.
26:22They've got more wild camels in Australia than anywhere else on the planet.
26:26Exactly.
26:26They have the highest number of feral camels.
26:28Wow.
26:29In fact, they have 1.2 million of them.
26:31I like rats.
26:32They're vermin.
26:32Yeah.
26:33Get in your house.
26:34It's a nightmare.
26:35Only that sign could be Australia, couldn't it?
26:38Look at it.
26:39Camel, wombat, kangaroo.
26:41But the fact is, they export them to Arabia...
26:44...for meat and for racing.
26:46Because they're a finer...
26:47They're a finer sort of species of camels.
26:50They were brought over originally as a pack animal to Australia.
26:53Yeah.
26:53They seem very natural.
26:54Because Australia's a dry country and camels survive well, obviously, in dry climates.
26:59People thought, perfect.
27:00But of course, they bred and they bred and they bred.
27:02And suddenly, you've got these 1.2 million camels.
27:06Yeah.
27:06And they do an enormous amount of anal wind expulsion.
27:11They were on it.
27:12Download it.
27:1545...
27:17It's actually...
27:18Disappointed orchestral minerals in the dark.
27:21To be fair to them, it's not so much anal as oral.
27:23Oh, yeah.
27:24It's 45 kilograms of methane a year.
27:28But, God, you wouldn't want to stick one of them in a river, would you?
27:30They'd put it in like a speedboat, wouldn't they?
27:32It's the equivalent of a metric...
27:32I've shot a camel.
27:34Vroom!
27:35It's the equivalent of a metric tonne of CO2.
27:38And its impact on global warming.
27:41It's quite extraordinary.
27:42It's the sixth amount of the average car.
27:44So, now there's a company called Northwest Carbon,
27:48which has set up a thing where you offset your carbon footprint,
27:52if you're an Australian car driver,
27:54by paying this company to go and shoot camels.
27:58Which is basically a bit unfair because, let's face it,
28:04Europeans with cars are as unnatural to Australia
28:08as camels are.
28:09And it seems a bit unfair.
28:10Why shouldn't the camels shoot the humans?
28:13Yes.
28:14Here's the thing, though.
28:15I mean, while we're talking about all this whole business of ecology,
28:19Sainsbury's, the supermarket chain,
28:21very useful supermarket chain.
28:22The great thing about Sainsbury's,
28:24it keeps the scum out of Waitrose.
28:32All right, here's an initiative announced by Sainsbury's.
28:36Go on.
28:36By reducing the diameter of the tube of a loo roll from 123 millimetres to 112 millimetres,
28:46Right just 11 millimeter reduction. They will be able to fit more rolls into the same lorry
28:53Given the scale of the new roll market. We use 45 to 50 rolls a year each
29:01And that's including you
29:06This will mean 500 fewer
29:10lorry trips a year just by doing that by reducing the center tube by 11
29:18Millimeters well, this is the principal difference between men and women in my view is the amount of loo roll
29:24that women use is
29:25unbelievable
29:27I mean a roll could go in one visit
29:30Really? To be fair though?
29:32Wrapping it round
29:34What's that?
29:37At least women don't pee all over the floor
29:43No, that's not true
29:44A lot of women clapping there
29:48Obviously they do use more loo but it's a lot harder for them to shake than it is for us
29:54Do you know what I mean?
29:55Chicky flick everything's fine
29:57For a woman to do that she's got to get on a swing
30:02One of those power plates
30:03One of those power plates
30:03You know the ones that go
30:11You wouldn't need a power plate, all you need is a vibrating loo
30:15Oh that's it, there you go
30:16Sit on it, you have a wee, press a button
30:18Yeah
30:20Job with that is, they'd never get off it
30:23Where is she?
30:25Where is she?
30:27Are you coming out of here?
30:28Near where are you?
30:30Oh god, oh god
30:31I think I've got diarrhea
30:34Now here's the question, here's the show
30:36Sit in Akin Vak, drinking leaves of water
30:39I have to tell you, I have to tell you that the little baby Jesus whom I have never believed
30:44in
30:44What?
30:45Until this minute, has told me to change the subject
30:49So, alright
30:50We're gonna jump
30:52As we're jumping
30:53We're gonna jump
30:54We're gonna jump to Spain
30:56We're on a roll
30:57We're on a roll
30:58Come on!
31:00Come on!
31:01Come on!
31:02Come on!
31:03Come on!
31:05Why do these babies have nothing to fear?
31:08There are men jumping over them
31:09Oh
31:10But why have they nothing to fear?
31:12Oh
31:12Yes
31:12It's a real event that happens in Spain
31:15Baby jumping
31:16Baby jumping
31:17It's the baby jumping festival
31:19El Colacho
31:20El Colacho
31:20Yes, of course
31:21Near Burgos in northern Spain
31:23Right
31:24In the Castrillo de Murcia
31:26The reason is that these babies have been purged of their original sin
31:33In this ceremony, so that if they die, they won't go to hell
31:37Burgos has the largest cathedral in Spain
31:39It's a very huge cathedral
31:41Enormous
31:42Yeah
31:42The Catholic
31:43I love the concept of original sin
31:44It's like you go to confess and you go in
31:47And the priest goes
31:48That's not original enough
31:51Derivative sin
31:52Alright then, I got a transit van
31:54And then pushed it into a bounty castle
31:56Yep, I've heard that before
31:58Have a blessing
31:59Well, yes
32:00The Catholic Church is slightly embarrassed about this festival actually
32:03Because
32:03That's a good thing
32:04It's not that my great elite have different speeds
32:06That's not that
32:10A dial
32:12Maybe side-to-side, forwards and round and round
32:15But basically
32:16Are they one of the
32:18Are they one of the waltzes
32:20They go like that
32:27there are no reports of injured babies so you may prefer to indulge in a Japanese ceremony
32:35called the Hadaka Matsuri it's the naked festival raw baby yeah it takes place in
32:42Okayama then they are 500 year old event it culminates in 9,000 men in loincloths wrestling in mud
32:52they all men some of them look like women well they're all men there's a woman in the middle there
32:55surely
32:56no she's a man he's a man and then in the end the lucky man gets thrown a pair of
33:04sticks by a
33:05shinto priest at around midnight and the winner thrust the sticks into a wooden box filled with
33:12rice and is granted a year of happiness it seems a perfectly normal way to bang to me yeah so
33:19run me
33:19through it again you have sticks 9,000 naked men wrestle in mud with great big pouchy mouths
33:32eventually a shinto priest throws them throws two sticks to the winner who sticks it in some rice and
33:40it's granted happiness okay yeah yeah that's it I love rice yeah five stars on TripAdvisor this one
33:48yeah all right jumping out of planes now okay what happens if you wear your parachute upside down
34:00you're gonna say you get back on the yes bill you're in first I was gonna I was gonna say
34:04that it you
34:05just get comes out the wrong way and you're fine
34:12it's inside out yes you jump you go upwards and you get back on the plane
34:20oh I think you'd be all right wouldn't you the parachute would catch the air anyway and it would
34:25open I have some experience of this yes go on tell us I've done a tandem jump I was once
34:30tossed
34:31through a hatch strapped to a red devil my life sort of flashed before me yes and and I didn't
34:42think the parachute was going to to come out but obviously it did or I wouldn't be here but I
34:47did
34:47ask Keith his name was Keith the red devil yes what would happen it doesn't bear thinking about it
34:54no no you would die you really would die did you ask him this on the weirdo Keith Keith shut
35:00off just shut off
35:02you can't speak at all before the parachute goes up you're falling so quickly your cheeks are out here
35:08I was like pouch like your theme is emerging and and I had a camera attached to my helmet
35:24just because Julian said helmet is not it's not a cue for laughter it is a butch moment night out
35:33isn't it yes
35:36anyway you couldn't speak because of the velocity of the the wind filling up every orifice
35:41can I have a point you certainly can you're absolutely right
35:49the problem with the early days of parachuting was that the standard shape parachute would cause a
35:55lot of waving back and forwards so someone said that maybe a v-shaped parachutes would be a good
36:01idea 61 year old water colorist called Cocker now cocking I beg his pardon cooking Robert
36:14cocking and he tried out uh in 1837 the v-shaped um and he became a parachuting first fatality you
36:23know
36:23there's this probably probably got this on the cost but you know that the uh the sas and you know
36:29how
36:29they do the old um abseiling out of the helicopters yes they actually uh rappelling you're thinking of
36:35what repelling how dare you yeah speed repelling speed repair and yeah they experimented um uh parachuting
36:45out of helicopters and of course the downdraft gave the thing in and they'd just die yeah so that's why
36:50they did the uh repelling as i like to call it yeah very good you can see it's sucked up
36:57into the
36:57updraft which you don't want to get so you don't want to get sucked up in it oh you don't
37:02stop it
37:07a cocking sounds like now
37:11cooking tried to involve himself with a balloon and he went for the balloon and he went up too fast
37:17it
37:17was all a very it was a big disaster went up too fast yeah he died on the spot and
37:25and the landlord
37:26of the pub where he landed uh charged people sixpence to look at his body and made ten pounds which
37:32is
37:32quite successful he was lying there stiff as a board his widow successfully sued him and he had to pay
37:39the
37:39ten pounds back but who was it who proposed a parachute back in 1485 proposed a parish proposed yeah proposed
37:46suggested the idea of a parachute bound to be da vinci it was indeed leonardo da vinci yeah leonardo
37:52dicaprio uh he he never tested it practically the first actual jump of a parachute was made in 1783
38:02which is quite early isn't it yes so we've got louis-sébastien le neumont from the height of
38:06only four inches so there we are that's that's your parachuting now this is fun it's a dubious theory about
38:12jumping foxes a dubious theory from stephen fry according to researchers from the czech republic
38:22foxes prefer to pounce on their prey in a northeasterly direction as long as they do so they
38:29are successful 73 percent of the time if they jump in some other direction they're much less successful
38:3618 percent of the time so the researchers think they must be using the earth's magnetic field in
38:43some way which we don't yet understand dubious or not visit foxy schmoxy.co.uk and then decide for yourself
38:53if you dare a dubious theory from stephen fry yes it is actually true that foxes do yup the vast
39:03majority of their pounces on
39:06mice in particular are in exactly that direction in the northern hemisphere the magnetic field tilts
39:14downwards at about 65 degrees yeah the other is the fox searches for the spot where the angle of the
39:21sound hitting its ears matches the slope of the earth's magnetic field it knows it's then a fixed
39:28distance away and can accurately leap on the mouse it seems to be that it does have some very strong
39:36bearing on the earth's magnetic field and while we're on the subject of snow we should look at avalanches
39:42what should you not do if there's a danger of an avalanche make a loud noise
39:50julian julian i wish you hadn't said that no um although it's a convenient plot device in movies
39:57the idea of a gunshot or a shout or a loud noise causing an avalanche is a complete fallacy oh
40:04i'm
40:04sure i've seen it in a film as i say it does happen in films all right but not in
40:09real life look at this
40:11one here look at it look at this coming straight at the camera this is scary look at that jesus
40:18look
40:19i mean that is ah i'd love it if it came over julian and then it's going to hit the
40:26camera at any minute
40:28it's bang all right so we're now going to have something incredibly exciting at least
40:34i hope it's exciting it's a jolly jake i do love my jolly japes um i've got here a little
40:41um ah
40:43what i'm going to try and do is i'm going to try and create something that will make you think
40:48no
40:49no stephen this is not possible stephen i will now bow down and worship you forever i'm going to try
40:56and
40:56create a square bubble no no shut up stephen on the verge of worshiping you forever yeah exactly how
41:09would you not be a square bubble shut the front door so i've got this i've got this here here's
41:14can you
41:14see that bubble there oh wow it's not yet square but if i if i if i if i blow
41:22oh look at that no way square bubble oh square how amazing is that very cool on television virtually
41:40live as live as we say uh it's probably the only interesting and important thing i've ever done in
41:46my life but i'm proud and thank you for enjoying my square bubble oh well that's the jolly jabe and
41:54on
41:54that bubble shell i um jump over to the school board i suppose i have to begin at the bottom
42:01julian no
42:03okay unfortunately you scored minus seven points
42:10you were third place and minus four thank you
42:18in second place with five points ross noble
42:25and just one point ahead on plus six is bill bailey
42:39well that's all from julian ross bill alan and me be adorable to each other always good night
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